February 8, 1979

 

Though it was the same day, the sun had set and evening was sinking deeper into night. It was five hours later and though Jake had seen and acknowledged his parents when they arrived home, he had not said a word about the hospital or the events that transpired between he and David Murphy. He had retreated to his bedroom but behind his closed door, Jake was sad and feared he would never see Dan again.

 

The knock, as opposed to the ringing of the doorbell was unusual. What really set it apart, though, was the violent manner with which the fist pounded on the wood. Maggie’s eyes were wide instantly, her gaze lifting from the saucepan on the stovetop, the disturbing sound unsettling, filling her with uncertainty due to the who and why questions.

 

She called loudly, her voice obviously uneasy, “Brad?”

 

A split second later, Brad said as he also responded to the banging but with irritation verging on anger, “What the fuck?”

 

Making her way to the living room, Maggie felt slightly comforted by the sound of her husband’s reaction, as well as the knowledge that he would be on the way to the door. At the same moment, Brad threw down the newspaper vehemently. He thrust his body up off the lounge and crossed the room.

 

Maggie’s gaze fell upon her husband’s broad shoulders and muscular physique, as she was walking toward him to stand behind him supportively. She felt a sense of comfort from the display of strength he presented.

 

Brad was one point eight metres tall and was very solid and strong. He was not what would be considered a huge man but he was very muscular and his physical presence appeared powerful. He was also very confident and when required, he was the proud patriarch who would fiercely defend his family. Brad made Maggie feel protected.

 

Still uncertain and unsettled, she stepped up behind him. Brad pulled the door open, ready to give the person on the other side a well deserved, verbal serve, however, his eyes were stunned, as he looked into the angry eyes of David from next door.

 

Shocked, Brad questioned, “David?”

 

“Keep that pervert away from my son,” David yelled, as Carol stepped up onto the veranda behind him.

 

Oblivious, Brad said, “Excuse me?”

 

David yelled, “Are you telling me you don’t know?”

 

Confused, Brad asked, “Don’t know what?”

 

“You can’t tell me that a parent wouldn’t know that there was something seriously wrong with his child?”

 

Brad was stunned, not only by the aggressiveness of David’s tone but more so now by the audacity of someone suggesting to his face that there was something wrong with his son. The muscles in Brad’s body contracted as he tensed and his first thought was to lay this arsehole out. However, Brad was a thoughtful and sensitive man as well and so he took a breath and said, “David, first I think you should calm down and then you and Carol can both come in and we can talk about whatever’s bothering you like adults. I see absolutely no reason…”

 

“I don’t want to come in. I’m only here to give you instructions,” David interrupted aggressively.

 

Brad’s eyes filled with affront. He had no idea why David and Carol were at his door, what David was so angry about or what it was that he was not saying. What he did know was that the last words were unacceptable. He wondered why David thought he had the right to give him instructions. Maggie was also stunned by the incomprehensible occurrence. She glanced over David’s shoulder at Carol, whose eyes appeared alarmed and shaken, before Carol silently mouth the words; “I’m sorry.”

 

“David, I have no idea what your problem is but don’t think you have the right to come to my door screaming at me like a mad man and then start telling me that you have instructions for me to follow. Settle down before I knock you on your arse and believe me, I can do it. Now, if you’re prepared to explain yourself in a rational manner, then perhaps we can start getting somewhere,” Brad said firmly with an underlying anger but ready to raise his fists if necessary.

 

“Your son is a filthy pervert,” David spat thoughtlessly.

 

“Hey,” Brad yelled furiously.

 

David, upon seeing the instant change to aggression in Brad’s eyes, took a small step backwards, as he realised the precarious predicament he was in. He was still angry and still believed he was justified in his reaction and therefore, though with a reduced adjustment to the volume of his voice, once again he attacked.

 

“I caught your son today, telling my comatose son that he was a dirty poofter and that he wanted Dan to wake up so he could fuck him.”

 

The anger dissipated from Brad’s eyes and his confident stance lowered slightly. It was not so much the information as it was the specific words and the tone of their delivery. Brad’s mouth remained open in shock after he said, “What?”

 

Maggie’s hand lifted to her mouth and covered it, as she released a gasp of shock. Carol’s face turned and looked at the back of her husbands head and she glared at him with a look of angry disbelief, as she processed the adapted lie from what he had told her. For a moment, as Brad’s body released from his assertive stance due to the impact of the information, a slightly satisfied expression filled David’s eyes. A subtle yet supercilious smirk was visible, as David felt a sense of superiority and victory.

 

Definitely an opinionated man, David was not a socially confident man and deep down, his self-esteem was low. Though at no point in the sixteen years they had lived side-by-side, had there ever been an actual problem between he and Brad, still he envied the all-round, attractive qualities of his neighbour. He perceived Brad as the man he would like to be and had always felt innately that Brad was somehow better than him. In that moment, as the presumed idea that his son was normal and Brad’s was not occurred to him, he suddenly felt that for once he was better than Brad.

 

With homophobic disgust at his crux, yet oddly mixed with a sense of enjoyment, David continued and explained, “I walked into Dan’s hospital room this afternoon, only to be confronted by a display of sickness that made me want to vomit. Your son is a pervert and I don’t want him anywhere near my son and I forbid any and all contact. There is a very good chance Dan is going to recover. The hospital called to inform me, which was why I went there and how I stumbled onto your son’s sick secret. You should be pleased that I’ve told you so you can send him to a shrink and have him cured of his deviance.”

 

“That is quite enough,” Brad said through anger and bared teeth, “I think you’ve more than made your feelings clear and so we’re done,” Brad finalised and then he took a single step back and slammed the door in David’s face.

 

Brad turned around and looked at Maggie. They were both equally stunned as they stared into each other’s eyes. Brad was incensed by David’s vicious attack, which he felt had targeted not just his son but indirectly, he and Maggie as well. More than anything, though, it was the attitude his son was not normal or had a problem, which hurt him deeply. The accusations, true or not, disturbed him and his brown face was pale and his eyes a little lost.

 

“I guess we were right,” he said softly but Maggie only gave a small nod of agreement.

 

Within the brief moment of silence that followed, Brad pictured Jake in his mind and he knew he loved him and was proud of him. Jake was smart, kind, loving and generally a really good kid. In that instant, Brad knew with absolute certainty that a preference of boys instead of girls did not matter. He knew he would prefer Jake to be heterosexual but he also knew that was just a socially presumed and expected attitude. Brad thought, “Life is filled with diversity and we’re not all meant to be the same. He’s my son, I love him and I want him to be happy.”

 

As Brad continued to stare into Maggie’s eyes and wonder what she really felt, another thought crossed his mind at that moment and he turned his head. His eyes drifted to the top of the stairs where he knew Jake was in his bedroom. Brad truly hoped his son had not overheard David’s diatribe, however, he saw and looked into the sad and disturbed eyes of his son looking down at him. Jake’s eyes were filled with questioning and fear and Brad knew he needed to talk to his son.

 

Maggie noticed the distraction as Brad looked up but when she saw the look of concern, she turned and looked up the stairs as well. When she saw Jake, his eyes remained fixed on his father’s eyes and she knew it was acceptance and validation that more than anything in that moment, he needed. Jake suddenly looked at his mother and as both of his parents stared silently, he began to cry and then he turned and went to his room, closing his door behind him.

 

Jake threw himself onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow and now he believed that his whole life had just been laid waste. Neither of his parents had said a word about what they had just learned, even if Dan’s father had lied about the details. Jake had a feeling his mum might be more accepting, even though it was just an assumption. As for his dad, he had never been certain about what his reaction would be. He knew his father loved him but as kind and decent and sometimes even as gentle as his father could be, still the man was a man, a real man, and Jake suspected he would carry the standard attitudes. He also could not get the picture out of his mind; the way his dad and mum had just looked at each other, both sets of eyes showing nothing but shock.

 

Jake’s sobbing tears began to soak the pillow that muffled his disheartened cries and whimpers. He lifted his face and moved it a couple of centimetres to a dry position but as his situation began to really sink in, he wondered what would happen next. People knew he was attracted to the same sex, he had been denied access to the one person he loved and now, his parents knew about him and he had not even been given the chance to look them in the eye and tell them who he was. He felt so sad and he felt so lost and on some level, he felt like his life was over.

 

“You need to go up there and talk to him, Brad,” Maggie said.

 

“I know but I think we should do it together,” Brad replied.

 

“Since I spoke to you about Jake that night in bed, we haven’t really discussed this in any depth, even though we both thought it was a possibility,” Maggie said and sighed before she asked, “I need to know, Brad, exactly what are your thoughts on the matter?”

 

Brad nodded and replied, “Rationally, I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I’m okay with it. These days I rarely give the subject much thought. I know there are homosexuals in the world and though I also know many people think it’s wrong or an illness or whatever, personally, I have no negative thoughts about it. From my perspective, people should be allowed to exist and love whomever they want to, as long as both parties are consenting and neither are being hurt in the process. Obviously David has a serious problem with it but really, same sex relationships have never really bothered me, Maggie.”

 

“I’m the same, Brad. I don’t really understand it but then again, I don’t understand many things people think and do in this world. That doesn’t make their choices and inclinations wrong, though,” she said.

 

“Maggie, what really matters here is Jake. All I know is he’s my son and I love him and would do anything to support him and protect him. I can’t say that certain pictures in my mind don’t unsettle me but the truth is, I want Jake to enjoy his life and to be happy in his life and I want him to fall in love the way I did with you. Now if that requires another man for him to find what I believe I’ve found, well then I guess I want him to be proud of who he is and to find fulfilment in whatever way he needs to,” Brad clarified.

 

“Brad, what do you mean by pictures in your mind?”

 

“Just things that don’t sit well with the attitudes and perceptions I take for granted. Things like girlie men. I’ve never been able to understand that or grasp it. Jake doesn’t appear like he would be that way but I also don’t want him to be like that. If he turns out like that then I guess I’ll have to learn to accept it. The other thing is anal penetration but I suppose they have to put it somewhere,” Brad said and in spite of the tension and the seriousness of the conversation, they both snickered at his final remark.

 

“I always thought I’d have Grandchildren from Jake and it bothers me that I won’t now but I feel the same way you do, Brad. I want Jake to be happy and to have a great life and I definitely want him to fall in love and to experience love,” Maggie explained.

 

“It really bothers me that people in this world are going to reject Jake and feel the anger and disgust that David does. Maggie, I don’t want my son to have to experience that and I know I won’t be able to be there all the time to protect him from narrow-minded arseholes. I don’t want my son to be set upon and beaten in the streets at night. I don’t want him to be called names or to be vilified for unacceptable reasons. You’ll rarely hear me use this word but the thought of any of that scares me.”

 

“It scares me too,” Maggie replied.

 

“Well, I guess we should go up. He probably thinks we don’t want to see him or we can’t accept him and that’s the last thing I want Jake to feel,” Brad said.

 

“I think you should go up alone,” Maggie replied.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this but Jake adores the ground you walk on, Brad. He needs to know above everything that you won’t turn your back on him. I saw the way he was staring at you from the top of the stairs. He was terrified of what you’d say and of what you thought. If you rejected him because of this it would crush him,” she said.

 

“It would be the same if you rejected him,” Brad replied.

 

“No, it wouldn’t. If there’s one thing I’ve realised and noticed since Dan was hit by the wave, it’s that Jake doesn’t really feel anywhere near the same about me, as he does about you. I don’t think his feelings toward me are as strong as they were when he was younger. I can’t remember the last time he told me he loved me or the last time he hugged me or even the last time he really wanted to talk to me or be with me,” Maggie said sadly.

 

“Maggie, not only is Jake going through adolescence, which believe me, for a boy it can be hell but also, I suspect he’s probably confused about his sexuality and has been terrified that anyone would find out and how they would treat him as a consequence. On top of that, now the boy he cares about more than anything is in a coma and has fundamentally been taken from him. Mark my words, Maggie, Jake loves you and he needs you like he always has. The change in him that you’re referring to is about nothing more than being inundated by thoughts and feelings and changes that are scaring the hell out of him,” Brad replied.

 

“Maybe you’re right but I still think you should go up there alone and I’ll see him later,” Maggie said firmly.

 

“Okay,” Brad said and sighed with resignation, knowing he disagreed with his wife’s choice.

 

The knock on his bedroom door, which he was expecting, came twenty minutes later. Jake was sitting up, his arms crossed on the windowsill, his chin resting on his arm as he stared at Dan’s window. His crying had subdued but still tears ran down his cheeks, a confirmation of the broken heart inside of him. He sat still, not answering the knock on his door and a moment later the door opened softly. He did not turn around to see his mother, the person he was sure it would be. He could not bare the thought of her eyes filled with sadness or disappointment or whatever would stare at him.

 

Jake could hear the sound of her approaching and then sitting on his bed behind him. He then felt the shaking of the bed, as she moved over and closer behind him. He felt the hand touch his waist and then the other hand sliding around his body and then a moment later, he realised it was his father pulling him against his chest.

 

Brad’s arms wrapped around his son and pulled him close and tight. He felt Jake’s body stiffen but then almost immediately, relax into his hold. Instantly, Jake began to cry.

 

“Jake, don’t cry. It’s okay and everything is going to be all right. You’re my son and I love you no matter what. It wouldn’t matter to me if you had stripes or spots because I’m your dad and I love you. The most important thing to me is that my son is happy. I want you to be happy, Jake. Who you love doesn’t matter, as long as they love you back and are a good person. Jake, I’ll love you whether you love a boy or a girl and I’ll support you on whatever path your life takes you.”

 

Jake pulled free of his father’s grip and twisted around. He almost flung his body against his father and wrapped his arms around him, his chin on his shoulder as his father hugged him back. He cried relentlessly for nearly four minutes before he finally began to quiet again.

 

“Did you mean that, Dad?”

 

“Of course I do, Jake. You’re my son, my boy.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Jake, yes, everything I said to you was true and from my heart. I’m proud of my boy and I love my boy. How could I feel otherwise?”

 

Jake crushed his father in his arms and cried uncontrollably, as he smiled profusely before saying, “I love you, too, Dad.”

 

“I know, Jake.”

 

“Dad, I didn’t do what Mr. Murphy said I did. All I did was tell Dan I loved him and then I kissed him.”

 

“I believe you, Jake.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Do I have reason not to?”

 

“No, I’m not lying to you, Dad.”

 

“Well then, Jake, I believe you and the matter is closed. Jake, I think there’s someone else who really wants to see you and speak to you. How about we go downstairs and you give your mum a hug. She’s so worried about you and I think she could do with a cuddle.”

 

Jake pulled back and looked at his dad. His father rolled his eyes at Jake in the manner the two of them often did where the female perspective was concerned. This time, though, Brad did it as a way to lighten the mood. Jake rolled his eyes back at his father and they both grinned and softly chuckled. A moment later, though, Brad’s face turned serious and he said, “You know, Jake, it’s been a while since you’ve told Mum you love her. With the way you’ve been recently, she’s been feeling like she didn’t know what to do for you. She misses you and she needs you, in the same way I need you.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dad. I know I’ve been quiet and distant but I’ve been so afraid and uncertain about everything in my life. I didn’t want to be the way I am but I knew that I was and there was no doubting it. I was struggling with it because I didn’t want to accept it but the way I felt about Dan made me know I had no choice. I was scared of how Mum and you would react and I didn’t know how I was going to tell you. Then Dan was in a coma and everyone kept saying and believing he was going to die. I had all this stuff going on inside of me and I’ve been confused and afraid and… I don’t know, Dad.”

 

“Jakey, both your mother and I understand, even more so now. You need to trust us, Son; you need to talk to us when things trouble you. We may not always have the answers but things will be easier if you talk to us about what’s bothering you, I promise they will,” Brad said softly.

 

“Dad, you’re the best and I love you so much.”

 

“You better, Sonny boy. Now come on, it’s time for dinner and then I think Mum, you and I are going to have a long talk. Okay?”

 

“Okay, Dad,” Jake replied with a smile.

 

***