Chapter 7 
Conclusions.

 

The room slowly began to turn in an anti-clockwise direction but then almost instantly, his vision rolled and it seemed like the room was turning from the ceiling to the floor. The strangeness as Brad opened his eyes was momentarily disturbing, before his vision settled and then just for a second, he thought everything was normal and fine.

 

As his consciousness began to change gear and his awareness of reality became clear, the knowledge he was hungover was as a consequence of the light throb of a headache, of the swirling of a slight nausea and the subtle shaking of his body. He moaned instantly and was angry with himself for getting drunk.

 

All of these things occurred within the first two minutes of opening his eyes from sleep. He groaned with barely a memory at first but as he dragged one pillow on top of the other and rested his head at a forty-five degree angle, over the next few minutes the first snippets of memories returned. Soon enough, though, memories rolled like random scenes from a preview or trailer of a movie.

 

He recalled driving around for quite some time, following the blowup with Penny. He had not intended on stopping or going anywhere. All he wanted to do was get away, be by himself and think. He pointed the car away from home and turned the wheel when necessary, not even noticing the world outside the vehicle passing him by. His mind was locked on thoughts and questions, which seemed to need imperative answers. He considered what had happened, considered his role in it and he also considered the possibility that maybe it was somehow his fault.

 

He recalled that several hours later he was sitting in a pub, in spite of the fact he was not a drinker and rarely consumed alcohol. He remembered drinking a couple of beers before consciously deciding he was going to get drunk. Even as he made the decision, he knew it would be detrimental but still he kept drinking, ordering another and then another.

 

Before the effects of the alcohol even began to influence his state of mind, he continued thinking intensely about the circumstances and the argument with Penny. What she had said made sense. They did not need to get married because the piece of paper meant nothing; well, not really. She had said that if he really thought about it, he would agree with her and as usual, he did.

 

She had suggested he coveted a mix of idealistic and traditional ideas about love and relationships. Even as he was sitting with her and listening to what she was saying, before he even started yelling at her, he knew she was right again. He wondered why he had never realised there were certain things about him, which he had never taken the time to stop and think about or really, even consider?

 

He took another drink of his beer, frowned from the taste and then remembered saying just before he stormed out of the house; he did not know who she was and he was not certain who he was either. Something about his unquestioned acceptance of who he was bothered him. The idea he had been existing for years without thinking about the man he truly was, frustrated him to his core.

 

It seemed as if out of the blue, a random conversation and argument had revealed an entirely different issue as well. After twelve years together, there were suddenly things he did not know about her but not only that, there were things he did not know about himself. How could that possibly be?

 

Even though his self-awareness was a major issue of concern to him, it was the other side of the coin that was truly bugging him. He believed he loved her and he believed she loved him but for the first time in the entire twelve years they had been together, suddenly Penny was not the person he had thought she was.

 

They had always spoken to each other so openly about everything. He could not even recall off the top of his head, when they had not been in agreement. Was that actually a fact or was he just floating with a tide, which seemed to fulfil the ideal of the perfect partner? Did either of them ever really stop and think outside of what they had said when they were eighteen, naked in bed and gazing into each other’s eyes, during the pillow talk surrounding hot sex and new love?

 

He had taken another drink but though he still grimaced, he was starting to get used to the taste. Of the many places he could have sat in the pub, he had chosen where he sat specifically. The tall table was fixed to the wall and floor and the tall stool he was seated on was perfect for his long legs.

 

Sitting beside the front window allowed him to look out onto the street. People were walking along the footpath and vehicles were driving along the road. It was a minor distraction from the intensity of what he was feeling. He was so concerned with the current state of his personal life, though, everything and everyone around him was a vague image or the cause of vague sounds.

 

He stood up and walked to the bar and ordered another beer. It was his third and he walked back to his stool and placed the drink on the round tabletop. “Twelve years,” he said softly, thinking as those words left his mouth, “Am I over-reacting?”

 

Something else was on his mind and for the life of him he was unable to shift it. Penny had said that if she had been honest in the beginning, if he would have been capable of accepting she did not want to get pregnant, why could he not accept it now? There was only one answer; the lie.

 

It was not just a white lie, though. It was a lie that said she did not know him. It was a lie of distrust. It was also a lie of going against the grain of what they had agreed upon all those years ago. It said something to him that screamed in his mind and deflated his heart. It burned inside and the heat was angry.

 

Both of them were twenty-eight at the time she looked him in the eye and agreed to starting a family. Now, in retrospect, he felt certain she had known at the time. For the last fifteen months she had courted that lie, carrying it like it had no weight, allowing it to be invisible in spite of the choice and what it really said.

 

Perhaps she did not think about it deeply but even if that were the case, what did that say about his importance in her life? He thought every person, whether they knew it or not, thought about the self first. Not in a selfish way but in a self-protective way. Even so, lying at the expense of someone else was another matter all together.

 

He knew with certainty that he was being honest with her. If she had told him on the night he suggested they start trying, if she had explained her priorities, he may have been disappointed but he still would have accepted her choice.

 

He did not understand how she could not see how hurtful it was? It made no sense to him why she could not understand his upheaval in that moment? For fifteen months, she thought it was okay to disregard him so completely. It was not just a lie; it was a conscious decision to deceive him, with an underlying hope it would never be discovered. How was that love in any way, shape or form? What did a choice like that really say about her true feelings?

 

Taking a drink from his forth beer, he thought that everyone had their secret feelings inside their secret self. Everyone had their secret discussions inside the cone of silence inside their head. Everyone had an inner personality and an outer personality, the self they showed to the world and the self they nurtured and protected deep down, which in most cases were decidedly distinct in their differences, based on comfort zones, insecurities, idealism and the ego.

 

He knew Penny loved being a model and had always been a little insecure about not being more successful. Ever since the year he suggested trying to have a child, the industry was showing her more interest and right now, even as he thought about it angrily, he understood completely.

 

As he took a drink, he thought, “Fuck you, you bitch, all you had to do was say no and explain why? Are you really so blind to who I am? How long does it take to learn my basic nature? I’ve always considered other people, I’ve always considered their feelings and I’ve always made a conscious effort to be honest and to show concern. Is that too much to ask in return or do you really not know me at all?

 

“For fuck’s sake, why do I feel like I’m over-reacting to something so small, when at the same time, I feel like I’ve been burnt to my core? Part of me says I should just go back, put it behind us and move on but the other part of me, it feels like we’re complete strangers who’ve been existing in a dream that was just some concept in our minds.

 

“I feel like I’m as superficial as Dad has always been and suddenly my eyes have just opened to see the light.”

 

Staring across his bedroom, as his mind returned from his memories of the afternoon before, Brad was surprised by how clear his memories were to that moment. It was a simple matter that his memories to that point were before he started getting drunk and so there was nothing surprising about it at all.

 

He had never been as drunk as he was the night before in his entire life. He just was not a drinker and there had never been a moment or an occurrence or any reason, which had made him want to loose all control or to be so oblivious to what was happening or what was taking place in his life.

 

He thought he had always been right because whether it was a sober yesterday morning, the hurt of yesterday afternoon, the drunken oblivion of last night or even now within this state, he was still feeling the same hurt, anger and uncertainty he had felt all along. What was the point of getting drunk and this god-awful hangover after all?

 

He remembered how as he continued to sit alone at the pub drinking, he had just continued thinking the same thoughts and asking the same questions, like he was on an eternal merry-go-round. The daylight suddenly faded and outside the window it was dark, except for the moving lights of traffic and the vague silhouettes of faceless people wandering by.

 

Irrespective, he had continued to drink and continued to think, as if there could be no other plan or course of action. Then the pub began to get really busy, it filled up with people and rowdy voices and at around eight o’clock, a band appeared on a small stage and began playing and singing. They were not performing anything original but they were singing covers of other artists, a playlist he really enjoyed.

 

Occasionally women approached him and tried to engage him but as much as he smiled and was polite, deep down he knew he was not interested in any of them, at least until he noticed one man standing beside him, who watching and listening to the band. Though the man said nothing to him initially, the man acknowledged him the moment he caught Brad’s eye. From then onward, every time he glanced in the man’s direction, the man smiled or winked or raised his glass before taking a drink.

 

The man, who he would eventually learn was named Harley, made him think of a lumberjack. Harley was a big guy, particularly in the upper body and he looked like he would chop down trees with an axe for a living. He was wearing a flannelette shirt with a two-toned, red and black, checked design. He was also wearing tight but respectable denim jeans, which showed the shape of his solid hips and his powerful legs, before big boots covered his feet. Handsome but weathered, he had a kind face and his smile seemed genuine and inviting.

 

Brad now remembered that around nine-thirty, he felt like he was inside the alcohol instead of it being inside of him. He looked at Harley, a man he had not yet spoken to and said, “I need another drink,” before he stood up to go to the bar. Almost falling and hitting the deck, Harley caught him, sat him back on his stool and then with a soft voice before he walked away, he said, “I’ll get it for you, stay right where you are.”

 

In that memory, time seemed confused because he could remember thinking Harley was taking forever but then it was like he was back in a flash. He recalled offering Harley the money for the drink but Harley fobbed it off and then remained right beside him, even though he continued watching the band.

 

Brad’s eyes widened as he suddenly recalled a thought he had, after Harley returned with his beer. He had kept turning and looking at Harley but Harley kept watching the band. The thought, which now seemed odd, asked the silent question, “Why are you ignoring me?” It was almost immediately he asked the man, “What’s your name?”

 

It had to be barely minutes later when he turned on the stool to face Harley directly. Still standing beside him, Harley turned to face him as well and once they were looking at each other, they started talking.

 

“Why can’t I remember what he was saying? Shit, I must have been so drunk,” Brad thought, as he shifted on his bed.

 

Brad recalled a feeling, which grew when he recalled one of his knees was between Harley’s legs. Still sitting on the tall stool with his feet on the foot rest, his left knee was leaning against the inside of Harley’s thigh, as the man stood straight and tall right in front of him, his legs naturally parted. It was the feeling associated with that random memory that Brad remembered clearly. It was a sexual feeling but he felt no aversion to it and no desire to move his knee or break the connection.

 

He recalled thinking Harley was very hot. There was a rustic masculinity about him that seemed to ooze thoughts of raunchy sex. At the same time, incongruously, though Harley looked provincial, he gave off an aura that was urban. His face was so kind and yet behind his eyes, such beautiful, light, crystal blue eyes, Brad felt sure there resided indecent and wild thoughts.

 

Brad recalled his ego swelling, as Harley’s eyes told him he wanted to strip him naked. Without Brad or anyone else noticing, Harley managed to somehow move closer while Brad’s leg was still between Harley’s legs. Suddenly Brad noticed the denim bulge of Harley’s balls and cock were inconspicuously and so gently, rubbing back and forth along the top of his thigh. When Brad noticed and realised and looked into the sharp yet suggestive eyes, Harley leaned closer and whispered with a knowing smile, “Brad, is it possible I’m the cause of that bulge in your shorts?”

 

The memory ended abruptly but as Brad continued to lay on the bed, he was not shocked or uncomfortable with those memories. To the contrary, he felt the heat of desire. Another flash began but he was no longer in the pub. He was in what he vaguely remembered was an alley or something of that nature. His back was against a wall of red brick with Harley pressed hard up against him and Harley’s tongue was in his mouth. The air around them had been replaced with lust and the energy between them was explosive. It was fucking hot.

 

The memories of the feelings of being so hard, so horny and so turned on, were made more intense by Harley’s hand inside his Speedo. The strength of the man’s hand and the way his grip was manipulating his thick rod inside the confined nature of his shorts and Speedo, was unprecedented. Shortly after, his cock was deep in Harley’s mouth, the warm, wet and silky nature of Harley’s tongue made his legs quiver and moments later, he was coming as if the spirit of Satan himself was being exorcised against the demon’s will, right out of his cock.

 

In reality or in flashback, Brad loved it. That single memory gave him a raging bone on the bed. He did not feel shame or surprised by how hard he was. He had always known the feelings, ever since Michael, even if he had lived an entirely heterosexual life since then. What he did know was that if he had not been so drunk, he never would have allowed it to happen. Still he was glad it did because that visual was now in his memory and even if it did not feel like his memory with Michael, it was one hot memory nonetheless.

 

“Shit, I hope I didn’t let it go any further?”

 

As if his question was a green light to move on from those thoughts, another flash of memory saw him swerve when he almost drove into a parked car on the side of the road.

 

“What the fuck? You mindless, fucking moron. You drove home in that inebriated state?”

 

Lunging out of the bed so he could race out and check he had not crashed his car or hit some poor, unsuspecting victim, he ran through the house, out the backdoor and down to his car. He walked around it but there were no dents, no blood and no apparent causes for any concern.

 

“Thank your lucky stars. What the fuck were you thinking?”

 

Returning inside the house and closing the door again, he went into the kitchen and chugged down three, large glasses of water, to stop his feeling of dehydration. He slid his hand inside the Speedo he’d been wearing for over twenty-four hours and he scratched his ball sack, as he decided a shower and getting dressed were the next things he should do.

 

Leaving his hand-washed Speedo hanging in the bathroom, he walked naked to his bedroom and put on fresh briefs. As he considered what he would wear, he instantly noticed something that was so out of the ordinary because it was something he would never do. The clothes he had worn the day before, which he would have naturally thrown straight into the hamper, were perfectly folded and stacked in a neat pile, right on the front of the dresser.

 

He had to have come home, come inside and then undressed to go to bed. Why would he have done this with such thoughtful neatness and yet left his Speedo on? He always slept naked. He turned and while scratching his head, as he looked around his room like it would magically give him an answer, he saw his runners under the bed but with the heels pointing under instead of outward. He would not put his shoes under the bed anyway and why so neatly side-by-side, as if he had placed them there purposely?

 

He looked over and considered something he had not noticed when he woke up. Penny had delicate, white curtains that allowed constant light but they always left them pulled apart. “Why in hell did I close the curtains? The bedroom window is too high up for anyone to look in and the curtains are practically transparent anyway,” he thought.

 

Walking over, Brad pulled the curtains open and looked out. He then opened the window to let in some fresh air. With a half circle he looked around the room curiously but then finally, he stepped over and sat on the edge of the bed. He was not feeling one hundred percent, even though the water and the refreshing shower had done him a world of good. He propped his elbows on his knees and as he dropped his face into his hands, he rubbed his face and released a little sigh and moan.

 

At that exact moment, in the darkness behind his hands, he saw Jackson’s face. It was so close to his, he swore he was about to kiss Jackson. He realised Jackson was on an odd angle, they were chest to chest but they were in his car? It made no sense.

 

With an expression of confusion, he said, “What the fuck?”

 

Standing up from the bed, Brad decided he needed a strong coffee. He returned to the kitchen and as he was boiling the water in the electric jug, he stared out the window into his backyard. The sun was shining, the grass looked green even if a little dry and generally everything was looking okay. He glanced at the garage and though he thought he should probably get in a work-out, he wondered if Jackson would do a work-out today? As if Jackson’s name were spark to flame, another flash occurred inside Brad’s mind.

 

He knew he was in his bedroom but what made no sense was that Jackson was too. Jackson was not wearing anything but the red shorts he usually wore when he worked-out. Brad also knew that he was wearing his Speedo, confirming it had to be the night before. Then Jackson was in his arms, their bodies together and they were embracing. They both were hard.

 

“No fucking way? That’s not possible?”

 

As Brad turned abruptly, his arse fell against the kitchen sink while his eyes were filled with a look of disbelief. Then, the most vague, the most hazy and seemingly the most unlikely memory of all, suggested that last night, somehow Jackson had been on top of him in his bed. Not only that but in addition, at that moment, he was kissing Jackson.

 

Despite his shock and almost his inability to believe it were possible, a deep, warm feeling coursed through his body. Synchronously, as he stood there staring at the refrigerator with an expression that suggested the object were to blame for the occurrence, just the idea of Jackson kissing and touching him, caused a thickening of his manhood.

 

“Holding Jackson against my chest in my car? Oh shit, what have I done? What else did I do? What if I did something I shouldn’t have? Oh please don’t tell me I treated him badly or said anything to him I shouldn’t have said? Fuck, the curtains drawn, my clothes neatly folded on top of the dresser and my shoes out of the way and pushed under the bed? He must have helped me inside and into bed? Tell me I didn’t kiss him against his will?”

 

The refrigerator was still an answerless, inanimate object. It was a void with none of the answers he was begging for.

 

“Holy shit. What the fuck was I thinking? He’s only...”

 

When the reply of “almost eighteen,” whispered through his mind, Brad felt a sense of relief, as if he would otherwise be maligned as a paedophile. He was well aware the age of consent was sixteen but his own age in combination with the age difference, always stuck in his mind. Ironically, at the same time though, the thought that he and Jackson had been that intimate was incredibly satisfying. Even so, a sense of extreme guilt overwhelmed him.

 

“Are you even listening to how confusing your thoughts and feelings are? You made a choice years ago and anyway, this should be the last thing on your mind at the moment. You should be thinking about your life with Penny. It’s where all of this began and somehow you got lost since yesterday. I mean really, what are you going to do about your life?”

 

The question was little more than Brad trying to find stability inside his mind. The day before yesterday his life had been solid and stable and now he felt like he was trying to step softly over quicksand. Penny was gone, even if only temporarily but still his relationship seemed uncertain at best. Last night in a drunken haze, he had allowed a huge and really hot man to make out with him and swallow his load. Now, he had no idea if he had done something bad to Jackson or if he had lost his friend forever?

 

Turning and making his coffee, he then walked into the living room and stretched out along the lounge. He picked up the remote and turned on the television. He surfed through a couple of channels but quickly knew he was avoiding the exact thing he had walked into the room to do. He was meant to be considering his future life with Penny. Regardless of that thought, the moment after he took his first sip of coffee, his next thoughts were recalling Jackson on top of him and his tongue in Jackson’s mouth. Brad began to bone-up again and he slid his hand inside his shorts.

 

Suddenly, in a way like never before, Brad allowed the deepest feelings to rise to the surface. As much as over the years he had consistently pushed his conscious thoughts and obvious emotions concerning Jackson into the background, as he lay recalling the vague kiss of the night before, he thought about the morning in his kitchen three years ago, when he had gazed at Jackson outside the garage. He remembered getting hard, just like he was now. He remembered not only how attractive he had thought Jackson was but also, he recalled the strength of his feelings and his desires for Jackson. That day had been sexual but today it was emotional.

 

In that moment, Brad could not deny the truth of his thoughts, of his feelings or of his body. Right then, he wished Jackson were lying beside him on the lounge and he was holding Jackson tightly to his chest. One internal thought tried to deny what he was coming to terms with, however, there was another internal voice, an old voice yet somehow new, which was simply so much louder, as it resonated at his core.

 

***

 

When Jackson awoke that morning, it was impossible for him not to think about the night before. If nothing else ever happened in his life, he would never forget Brad’s tongue in his mouth or the feeling of that hot body beneath him and especially that big, warm cock, sliding through his hand.

 

There was not a single moment, a single spoken word or a single touch that was not the most crystal clear memory in Jackson’s mind. He felt sure if he spoke to anyone about the night before with Brad, the figurative person would easily come to the conclusion he was obsessed with Brad. He could not doubt that may well be the case, however, to Jackson it was true love and nothing could ever sway his mind or heart or body on the matter. After all these years, if there had ever been any doubt at all, now Jackson was certain.

 

His mind ran through a litany of recollections of things that were said and things that were done. At first when he arrived at the car window, Brad looked really sad. Brad had not called him Little Man in years but last night it was the most used name he called him, even if he could barely say it properly. It was said in such an endearing way, it caused his heart to flutter every time Brad said it.

 

He remembered the remarks about lying and he knew Brad was referring to Penny. The tone of his voice when Brad made the remarks was angry and disappointed. Brad had even surreptitiously requested that he never lie to him? The man was obviously hurting.

 

He recalled the way Brad had wanted to hold his hand and not let it go. Then there was the way Brad had asked him if he wanted to take him to bed? He thought Brad was really drunk and so it was easy to think Brad had just phrased it incorrectly. Take to bed instead of put to bed?

 

Considering when Brad said, “I know that about you, you love me and I...” Jackson wondered exactly what that meant? At the time it made his heart skip a beat because he thought Brad was going to say he loved him too. Now he thought Me and I must have been a drunken mistake. Then there was the way Brad pulled him against his chest and looked into his eyes so deeply.

 

“I can’t believe I didn’t kiss him in the car, it took every bit of strength I had.”

 

The next thing Jackson recalled was standing in Brad’s bedroom and Brad suggesting they go to the beach and skinny dip. He knew there was nothing he would have loved to do more but Brad was so drunk and he was scared of something terrible happening. The last thing he wanted was to try and rescue a huge, drunken man, drowning in the water in the dark. It still had been hard to say no, simply because Brad’s voice was almost playful and he had thought there was even a sexual tone when Brad said they could have fun together? It instantly became a legendary fantasy in his mind.

 

Jackson then wondered about the two very specific and very serious questions. Did Brad really not know he could count on him? How in hell did Brad not know he cared about him? Surely after all the years they had spent together, the man knew he would do anything for him?

 

He thought it was a little strange when Brad asked him to go up to the Central Coast with him? Where did that come from? Was it something Brad had been considering doing?

 

“It’d be nice, spending time with Brad alone in a beach house. I hope he doesn’t forget he asked me?”

 

He remembered that was when it happened. Brad was holding him so close, his hot body wrapped around him and the embrace so strong yet tender.

 

“Damn, I was so hard and I just wanted to grind against him but then he was getting hard and then he was rubbing his cock against mine. Did that really mean something or was he just so drunk he didn’t know what he was doing? It couldn’t have meant something because he pulled away and let himself fall onto the bed.

 

“He saw me staring at his cock and then he took my hand. That was when he told me he experienced fireworks and rainbows when he was twelve. I wonder who he felt them with? That’s the time he wouldn’t tell me about, a few years ago when we were in his backyard.

 

“Why did he pull me down onto the bed? Does he know I’m crazy about him and he was giving me a taste of something I can never have? Was he just drunk out of his mind? Shit, I could’ve lay there wrapped around his body forever, I could’ve kissed his back forever and I could’ve rubbed my cock on his arse forever. He felt so good and it was a dream come true.

 

“Was it really bad that I kissed him and played with his cock? Fuck, I was molesting my best friend while he was asleep. I’m a bad person. I couldn’t help it, though. I’m so in love with him and in those moments I had no strength to resist. Then he kissed me back and the real world disappeared. I’d give anything to go back and feel all those feelings again.”

 

Instantly, Jackson felt guilty. Though it was practically everything he had ever wished for, he also knew why he left. In a way he was glad he halted his actions. If Brad had awoken naked, which Jackson was certain he would have stripped him given a little more time; Brad probably would have freaked out. That also meant if he stripped Brad, he would have stripped as well. Brad would therefore have awoken to him naked and wrapped around his awesome body. Brad would have looked down at him angry and in shock. He also knew how much he had wanted to go down on Brad. What if Brad had awoken to that? Jackson was sure it would not have ended well.

 

On that level he had done the right thing but still, he could not get it out of his mind that he had kissed Brad on the lips and he had reached into that Speedo and gripped that thick cock. Jackson felt certain that a few minutes more and he would have been sucking Brad’s cock. Though he now felt guilty knowing how close he had come to giving into his desires, at least before he went too far, he had done the right thing.

 

His next thought was a fear that maybe Brad had just been too drunk? What if he was not asleep, as much as too drunk to move or open his eyes? Jackson had drank alcohol on some odd occasions but he had never been drunk and had no real idea what the overall effect of being so drunk would be? He had seen people really drunk and now he had seen Brad drunk as well but seeing did not really explain, what was going on inside a drunk person’s mind?

 

Remembering Brad almost naked, Jackson was now hard and horny again, just like he was every morning. However, as much as he felt turned on by the memories and the experience, he worried that there might be consequences from what he had allowed himself to do. There were some minor things that were appeasing him, like Brad holding him, Brad rubbing his cock on his and also Brad pulling him into bed with him but really, Brad could barely walk or stand on his own and there were even some difficulties with speaking, which suggested Brad was not of his own mind or in control.

 

“For fuck’s sake, how am I ever going to look him in the eye or speak to him again?”

 

Feeling completely uncertain, Jackson jumped out of bed without jerking off and put on a t-shirt, shorts and runners. He wanted to go and see Brad but he knew he was way too uncomfortable for that. He also thought he would not mind doing a work-out but that was too risky because Brad might see him and confront him.

 

He then considered going to talk to Saad or Jessie but as usual, he was not prepared to share the knowledge of his secret love with anyone. A long time ago he had decided he could never risk people making assumptions when nothing ever happened. He could never risk hurting Brad or destroying Brad’s life.

 

Of course neither Saad nor Jessie knew Brad, at least as far as he knew but regardless, people loved to spread gossip and talk about things that were not their concern and he felt like he should not risk taking any chances, no matter how slight. In Brad’s case, silence was golden.

 

He knew he wanted something to eat but if he took the time, his mum might get out of bed and come into the kitchen. After last night at dinner, he knew his mother had an ability to read his face like never before and so deciding he could eat elsewhere, he chose to go for a ride. He left the house quietly and wishing he had a car, he wheeled his bike around to the side of the house to the gate.

 

***

 

Having made a second coffee and now walking back into the living room, Brad turned and glanced out the side window. Instantly he saw Jackson wheeling his bike down the side of the house next-door. He stepped closer to the window, as growing feelings wanted to take in the sight of the handsome, younger man. The moment he reached the window, though, Jackson turned and looked over, their eyes connecting instantly, with both men offering very happy smiles.

 

Despite his previous conclusions, Jackson pointed at himself and then gestured questioningly toward Brad’s house, requesting permission to come over. The spontaneous thought and action was irrational considering everything he had thought in his bedroom, however, as soon as he looked into Brad’s eyes, he felt a need to say something that seemed far more important. It was selfless rather than selfish.

 

Equally dismissing his own apprehensions, Brad smiled and nodded agreeably, a sense of subtle excitement somewhere inside of his body. He then watched Jackson as he turned his back and wheeled his bike over to lean it against the house. Brad watched the muscles of Jackson’s arms flex and contract and he felt himself liking the sight. He then watched Jackson move toward the gate to make his way next-door.

 

Less than a minute later, Brad was holding his screen door open and Jackson was stepping passed him, before proceeding into the living room. Brad closed the screen door and then followed Jackson toward the lounge, his eyes not loosing contact with the young man, with whom it seemed some form of new, deeper meaning and connection now existed.

 

As he watched Jackson complete his journey across the room and then stop and turn around, something about how Brad was feeling following all the things that had happened, whether clear or hazy in his mind, now seemed to be changing the standard nature of his feelings toward the young man. Though Brad was yet to fully understand, the breakdown of his relationship with Penny, the sizzling hot encounter with Harley, as well as the vague yet deeply emotional memories of kissing Jackson, had now begun to release something inside of him.

 

“I’ve only just made this coffee, Jackson, would you like one?”

 

“Yeah, I was just going out to have breakfast,” Jackson replied.

 

“Would you like me to make you something? I’m perfectly happy to make you something to eat if you’re hungry?”

 

“No, I’m okay for now but I’d kill for the coffee,” Jackson said.

 

“Well, murder isn’t necessary but you can definitely have the coffee,” Brad replied and Jackson laughed.

 

Minutes later they were seated on opposite ends of Brad’s lounge but turned toward and facing each other, their coffees in hand and sipping. It was obvious there was some hesitancy, creating a brief wall of silence between them. With a sense of importance, though, a need filled Jackson and the expression in his eyes became determined.

 

“Brad, you know you can trust me and that I’d never purposely go out of my way to disrespect you, right?”

 

Brad looked a little shocked initially, as his mind went instantly to the night before. He could only remember certain things and the pictures were sketchy at best but whatever the case, he had no idea why Jackson would begin this conversation like that?

 

In that moment, deep down, Brad wanted Jackson to mention last night. He needed to hear something that would confirm to him that whatever had happened the night before, Jackson was okay with it. Of course Jackson was acting like nothing was wrong and had not said anything to suggest otherwise but still, Brad was just not sure.

 

Brad knew as an adult he should mention it or ask the question. However, due to the fact he felt so uncertain and his doubts were making him feel guilty and worried, the idea of actually bringing up the subject, when there was a possibility he had crossed some forbidden line, he therefore was afraid and chose not to say anything.

 

Maintaining his relaxed expression, Brad said, “Of course I trust you, Jackson. Sometimes I think I trust you more than anyone in my life. Why would you ask me a question like that?”

 

“Well because late yesterday morning I was sitting on my bed. I was surfing the Internet on my laptop and… Um, it was an accident, Brad. I mean, I didn’t mean to hear but I couldn’t not hear because you and Penny were screaming so loudly at each other.”

 

Though his expression remained the same, internally Brad felt disappointment. This was not the conversation he was desperately hoping Jackson would raise.

 

“Oh, right, so you heard?”

 

“I’m so sorry, Brad.”

 

“It’s okay, Jackson. I mean it wasn’t meant for public broadcast but things got very heated so I guess it’s no surprise you overheard.”

 

“No. That’s not what I meant. I meant I’m sorry Penny hurt you so badly and I’m sorry she made you so angry.”

 

With the slightest smile, Brad looked at Jackson and was touched by the young man’s total concern for him. He also thought it was sweet that Jackson felt like he was at fault for hearing two people having a private argument, which Brad now thought had probably been overheard by other neighbours as well.

 

“Thank you, Jackson.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For caring about me the way you do,” Brad said.

 

Looking at Brad kind of oddly, Jackson could not relate to not caring about him so completely. He shrugged indifferently and said, “I don’t understand why she lied, Brad. If she didn’t want to get pregnant then why would she say she did?”

 

Glancing down at the carpet, Brad realised Jackson perceived the situation in the same way he did. It was a kind of corroboration of his thoughts and feelings on the matter. It affirmed he was not just being stubborn or over-reacting to what Penny had done. He lifted his gaze and looked back.

 

“In a way I understand her, Jackson. Penny’s career has always been important to her, which is perfectly natural. During the last one to two years her image has grown and become more requested, making her feel greater purpose and more pride in herself.

 

“We all want to be successful in whatever we do, regardless of whether it’s career or any other pertinent part of our lives. For her, those two things were simply not compatible at the time and she needed to make a choice.”

 

“I get that but why couldn’t she be honest with you? I mean sure it might have caused an argument but at least you both would’ve known where you stood and maybe some compromise could’ve been reached on the subject. It would’ve saved all of the bad blood and the hurt you’re feeling?”

 

“You think the way I think, Jackson.”

 

“I’ve probably been hanging around you for too long,” Jackson said and chuckled.

 

“I hope that never changes. You keep me sane, Jackson.”

 

“Really? I thought I probably would’ve driven you insane most of the time.”

 

“There have been times you drove me a little crazy but not in the way you might think. I’d never change a thing, though, particularly right now.”

 

Jackson’s face flushed ever so slightly, as he interpreted the unqualified remark in the way he wanted it to mean, however, thinking he was being selfish and self-absorbed, he then said, “Anyway, we’ve gotten off track.”

 

“Right. We can’t know what goes on in another person’s mind, Jackson. I’m guessing Penny was afraid that she’d hurt me by making a choice alternative to what we’d decided when we met. It’s not all her fault, Jackson.”

 

“There’s always two sides to a story but you were left out of the loop,” Jackson said.

 

“In a way but not completely. I just didn’t realise my influence, Jackson. I thought a lot about this yesterday afternoon while I was driving and thinking. I came to a lot of conclusions about many facets of what happened. I can’t say everything I thought was right but much of what I thought made sense to me at the time.”

 

Jackson asked, “Like what?”

 

“There’s so much you don’t know but Jackson, Penny and I were both eighteen when we committed to each other. It was twelve years ago, maybe even closer to thirteen years when we decided on a life together. We decided we’d get married and have kids at the most appropriate time. We made those decisions as if we had some form of control over what the future held in store for us.

 

“After the argument yesterday, as I was driving, it occurred to me how naïve I was? It’s never a good idea to speak for someone else, even if you think you might know what they’d say. Anyway, even if Penny did agree with me back then, I shouldn’t have just taken it all for granted. I mean how many times do people change their minds in a life time? It’s easy to see yourself one way and then later, to see yourself another way. That also applies to attitudes and beliefs.

 

“The point is, Jackson, maybe Penny does want a child or children but just because I suddenly decided the countdown clock was up, doesn’t mean that I should just expect her to hop too and salute my decision. She has an individual right to choose a different course if and when she wants to?”

 

“Of course but Brad, she also has the right to choose to be honest and express herself in that way, rather than choosing to assume your reaction and lying to you, just in case things didn’t work out the way she wanted them to. I may have a lot to learn in life but I think life is meant to contain some risk and it’s not always going to work out the way we want it to. We have to be prepared to take the good with the bad and just hope that what we want falls our way.”

 

Brad grinned and nodded before he said, “Yeah and that was where my mind kept coming back to, right throughout yesterday. Even so, I still kept wondering if maybe I was just being self-absorbed?”

 

“I think your mind was right to come back to that place, Brad. Even if the past put pressure on Penny, it doesn’t make it okay to choose to lie instead of standing up for herself and saying this is what I want at the moment.”

 

“It’s not always that easy, Jackson. Sometimes it’s easier to think about someone else instead of the self. Sometimes we don’t want to hurt someone and so even if we’re not aware it’s what we’re going to do, we choose to hurt ourselves rather than someone else.”

 

“I agree with you, Brad. I can even see that in myself at times in my life but that’s not what Penny did, at least not from my perspective. Penny knew what she wanted, she chose what she wanted and then she chose to lie to you for fifteen months without a word.”

 

“I know. You have no idea how much it pisses me off, Jackson.”

 

“I may not know the experience but Brad, I think I get it and I think you’re hurt more than angry.”

 

“There’s some wisdom in that grey matter of yours, Jackson.”

 

“I don’t know about that,” Jackson said.

 

“You’ve confirmed everything I thought yesterday but then again, feelings can be different to thoughts and in this case, my feelings don’t make it easy. I guess that’s why I keep going back and forth and round and round. Some part of me is telling me I should take a specific course of action but another part of me, it just keeps saying, ‘yes, but...’ leaving me indecisive and stagnant.”

 

“Well that certainly explains why you sound like you’d rather defend Penny than tell yourself what you’re feeling and thinking is okay.”

 

“Is that what I’m doing?”

 

“That’s how it sounds to me,” Jackson replied.

 

“To be completely honest with you, Jackson, right now I know exactly what I want and what I want to do but I’m all over the place and I’m not sure if I should turn around and walk back, continue walking straight ahead or turn the corner right beside me and see where it will take me?”

 

“I wish I had the answers and could make you feel better, Brad. I just want to put that smile back on your face. I hate seeing you like this and going through what you’re going through.”

 

“If only you knew how easily you could,” Brad thought, as his mind swung like a pendulum the other way, once again.

 

He looked at Jackson, felt honoured by what he said and he felt the distinct feeling of love in his chest. A silent thought ran through his mind that Jackson made him feel better just by being with him. Having Jackson there at that moment made him feel like everything was all right. His next thought was a wish he had a reason to walk over, pull Jackson up into his arms, just so he could hold him close to his heart.

 

Unexpectedly a thought crossed Brad’s mind. It was more of a revelation than a simple thought but he finally understood the point of his relationship with the young man in front of him. Jackson was Michael, sort of. One had been a comet flashing by at a million miles per hour. It had dazzled him, brushed him at the tail end and left him filled up, overwhelmed and crushed, his heart always wanting more.

 

The other was a new yet rogue star moving swiftly through the universe, its time to traverse such an enormous distance, making it seem slow yet certain. This was an inevitable collision that would light up the galaxy with fireworks and rainbows. Subsequent to this confronting thought, Brad suddenly understood that even though he was a thirty-year-old man, where a thought like this was concerned, he felt out of his comfort zone. He was filled with uncertainty and afraid he might not be able to speak that language again. What if he needed to be drunk like he had been with Harley?

 

He inhaled deeply to find some internal balance but he could not negate the thought that despite his doubts, he knew. He finally knew. He was finally sure and yet, the handsome, young man in front of him, seemed like a marathon when Brad had never really learned to walk. Even if he was willing to accept the idea, let alone act upon it, he would need the younger man to take control until he found his feet.

 

Something about the whole idea of walking away from the life he had chosen, into the arms of a life that on some deep level, seemed intrinsically right, made it difficult for Brad to breathe in that moment. He needed to feel sure the road was not so different. He would need to find the trust again, to believe that a new choice could lead him to what he once had believed could be right. Ironically, even though he did not remember asking Jackson for help in the car the night before; that had been the exact meaning behind his words.

 

Seeing him shift on the lounge and not wanting to take the chance that Jackson would now want to leave, Brad said, “I’m hungry. Will you stay and have breakfast with me, Jackson? I’d like it if you did.”

 

“I’m all yours, Brad.”

 

Walking into the kitchen together, Brad suggested bacon, eggs and toast and Jackson, as always, was completely agreeable. They prepared, cooked and served the meal together and they talked for the entire time but even after eating and then cleaning up the mess they had made, neither man mentioned the night before.

 

On several occasions while making breakfast, Brad rested his hand on Jackson’s shoulder and squeezed it. Once he even gave him a brief side-to-side hug for no reason and in response to the closeness, Jackson wrapped his arm around Brad’s waist and pulled him closer. However, as much as both men knew the closeness between them was even more emotionally connected than usual and also, as much as both wondered if it was because of the previous night, still they held back and waited for the other to find the courage of honesty in the spoken word.

 

They shared the meal, during which they attempted to steal each other’s bacon. They also shared conversation, which was filled with laughter, as they argued over whose minor involvements were responsible for why the food tasted so good. Unfortunately, they also shared a hopeful silence within their hearts and minds until suddenly, Jackson left Brad’s company two hours later, even though neither wanted him to leave. Subsequently, the chance was lost and life re-started and continued on.

 

The world went on its merry way, as it does, changing yet remaining the same. If it had been a daytime television serial, the viewership would have been expecting the shifts and alterations to lead to great upheavals, followed by new paths to roll out like fresh carpet, changing the nature of the room.

 

It was the nature of the heart and mind, the traits of personal perspectives, beliefs and attitudes, as well as fears and insecurities, which held fast to the past and were obstructions to the present and future. It was the simplicity of forthrightness, trust and honesty immediately, which might have changed the course lives took, however, instead, while threads came loose and tapestries unravelled, new weaves were being sewn and life’s creativity unveiled difference and diversity, which life always did so well.

 

***

 

When the landline began ringing, Saad walked over to the cabinet where he had left the cordless handset earlier, having not returned it to its base. With no caller ID on the handset, he lifted it to his ear and said, “Saad speaking.”

 

“It’s Jackson.”

 

“Hi. I was just thinking about you.”

 

“What sort of thoughts?”

 

“Good thoughts, Jackson. Really good thoughts,” Saad replied.

 

“Hard thoughts as well, by any chance?”

 

“Maybe,” Saad replied.

 

“Is that an invitation, Saad?”

 

“You know you don’t need an invitation, Jackson.”

 

“I’m hungry. You got anything to put in my mouth, Saad.”

 

“Is that an engine? Are you in a car?”

 

“Yeah, my mum let be borrow hers.”

 

“Well, you don’t need GPS to know how to get here,” Saad said.

 

“It was fairly presumptuous but I’m just pulling over now. I’ll be there in three minutes depending on the elevator. Be naked when I get to the door.”

 

With his phone between his ear and shoulder, as he was undoing his jeans and moving to his door to unlock it, Saad could not have been happier that Jackson was on his way up. As he turned around, though, as he was heading deeper into the room again, he tried to take his jeans off while he was walking and talking and his foot got stuck in the leg and he almost tripped arse over head.

 

Jackson asked, “What was that noise?”

 

“Sorry, my jeans got caught on my foot but it’s okay now. The door’s ajar, I’m naked and hard and I’m lying on the shag rug.”

 

“Oh man, you’ve just made my day, Saad. I’ve been on edge all afternoon and all I’ve been able to think about is sex. I hope that big body is ready because I’m gonna devour you and pound you through the floor into your neighbour's apartment downstairs.”

 

“Ooo, Jackson, talk dirty to me. Trust me, every part of me is more than willing and able but though I’m ready, I’m not sure the old lady downstairs would be.”

 

“Guess I’ll have to ease up, then,” Jackson said.

 

“Don’t you dare, Jackson. Treat me like my entire body belongs to you.”

 

“Saad, you sound as desperate as I feel.”

 

“Why do you think I told you I was just thinking about you. You were about to be the star performer in a fantasy wank fest,” Saad said.

 

“Am I to understand you exploit me in your imagination when you masturbate?”

 

“Jackson, not only are you hot and desirable but you’re also my first and at this point my only. When you’re not here, you’re ripping the clothes off my body and raping me on a daily basis.”

 

“Holy shit, Saad,” Jackson said but as he thought about it, a large smile crossed his face and he joked, “There should be a law against such things. Perhaps a copyright law? It is my image after all and your not paying me royalties.”

 

Saad roared with laughter as he lay on the rug, his phone to his ear and his cock in his other hand.

 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t feel honoured that you’re my fantasy-go-to guy?”

 

“Hang up, Saad.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“I’m in the room and I’m looking at you. Man, you’re about to become tenderised meat,” he said and then closed and locked the door.

 

As their eyes connected, two fingers pressed the end-call button on their respective phones and then both phones were sailing through the air, landing on the lounge at almost the exact same time. Saad’s face lit up and Jackson was naked by the time he reached the shag pile rug. Less than a second later, Jackson was between Saad’s legs, Saad’s cock was half invisible as it slid into Jackson’s mouth and the rest, as they say, was history.

 

The reality of the late afternoon visit was that after the morning with Brad, as well as the night beforehand, Jackson could not stop thinking about Brad. As a consequence of Brad not saying anything that morning, Jackson was now certain Brad did not remember anything and therefore in Jackson’s mind, nothing he had experienced meant anything, other than to him.

 

Jackson was now one hundred percent certain he was in love with Brad and more than any time before, after having those intimate moments with Brad in his bed, he could not stop reliving the memories and therefore, he could not stop his erections, his hunger or his need. There was a wildfire in his body that only Brad could extinguish. He knew he was using Saad on that level but he also knew if Saad understood the truth, Saad would not mind.

 

It went on for over an hour and then Saad pulled Jackson to his bed to start again. They did and it was wild and desperate like never before. For another fifty minutes it continued but unexpectedly, the old monster returned to Jackson’s mind, as he wondered, with Brad in mind, what it would be like to have Brad’s cock inside of him?

 

Once the monster returned, Jackson’s mind turned inward. What was happening between he and Saad eased off and soon after, their sexual encounter came to an end. Saad had no idea anything was happening out of the ordinary and so when Jackson looked at his watch and said he had to get the car back to his mum, Saad was simply agreeable. Getting the car home was a lie, Jackson was just frustrated and he wanted out and away.

 

“That was unbelievable and the best ever, Jackson,” he said, as he grabbed Jackson and kissed him hard.

 

“Best ever is right, Saad.”

 

“You keep raising the bar, no pun intended, Jackson.”

 

“I guess practice makes perfect,” Jackson replied and they laughed.

 

“Go on, you better get the car back. You don’t want to loose privileges that can get you here sooner when required,” Saad said.

 

“True. I’ll call you soon. Don’t get up, I’ll let myself out.”

 

“Bye, Jackson, you big stud.”

 

“Keep that big cock healthy. See you,” Jackson said and left the bedroom.

 

The moment he was outside of the apartment and the door was closed, as Jackson stood waiting for the arrival of the lift, he turned toward a solid wall and struck it with his fist. His frustration grew and he felt like a puppet on a string, at the mercy of his monster.

 

***

 

In a way, the days and nights seemed to merge into one, as the next two weeks passed by. Jackson still loved Brad and continued to visit him but he felt a sense of futility growing and so in a very subtle way, he began to pull away to protect his heart.

 

He also still loved his work as a masseur but though he maintained his high standards and gave every client exactly what they needed, Body Ease also became a bit like a sanctuary from his heart and mind.

 

As a consequence of his extra time spent at Body Ease, he also did not call or go and see Saad or Jessie and so where his social life was concerned, it also was suffering because of the empty and pointless feelings he was embracing.

 

There were still odd or random things Jackson did on his own but overall, if he was not working or sitting alone in his bedroom than little to nothing else was taking place in his life. Things had not stopped but they certainly had slowed down and Jackson was fundamentally going through the motions of his life.

 

***

 

Jessie asked, “How’s it going at Body Ease? Are you still the star of the show?”

 

“That’s not the way it is,” Jackson replied and rolled his eyes.

 

“I know, I’m just having a dig at you because I wish I’d been as fortunate as you in finding such a great place to work,” she said.

 

“It’s really good and I’m really happy, Jess. Actually, I’ve got something to tell you but before I do, how are things going for you? We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in three weeks, if not more,” Jackson replied.

 

“I’m getting work but it’s fairly random and certainly not enough to support my life. I mean I knew I’d have to work hard but when it comes to considering a place to reside, food on the table, electricity in the sockets and clothes on my back, I’ll need to be working a lot more if I ever want to move out of home. I mean it’s not like my parents want to kick me out or anything like that. Actually, I think my mother would love it if I remained forever but that’s the last thing I have in mind. How’s Saad going, by the way?”

 

“Saad’s in a similar position to you, I last saw him two weeks ago, Jess. I mean he’s by no means concerned about money because I doubt his dad would let him become destitute but where finding more work is concerned, he talks much the same as you do. Anyway, that brings me to what I wanted to say to you. One thing, though, it’s not definite or in the bag.”

 

“What are you talking about, Jackson?”

 

“I spoke to the owner of Body Ease and mentioned you and Saad. I told Levi, he’s the owner-manager, how good both you and Saad were. I asked him if there were any chance he could put you on some kind of waiting list, so if any of the staff resigned or didn’t work out, maybe he could employ you or at least try you guys out? He said a list was a good idea, particularly in case of emergencies and so I gave him your names and phone numbers. If you do get a call from Levi, be professional, show interest and you never know what it might open up for you?”

 

“That’s so thoughtful of you, Jackson. Don’t worry, I won’t hold my breath but even if he offers me a temp position when someones ill, I’ll snap it up without a second thought. Thanks for thinking of me, Jackson.”

 

“You give really great massages, Jess. Of course I’d think of you.”

 

“So how are things going with you and Saad on a personal level? Any chance of wedding bells? Maybe one day you’ll be the richest masseur in Australia?”

 

“I love Saad, he’s great but I can’t see anything like that happening.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I can’t deny I’m attracted to him and I think he’s super hot but I just don’t feel about him in that way. He’s become a great friend and we’re there for each other on that level but as much as I’ve thought about what it might be like, I don’t know, Jess, there just isn’t that spark I want.”

 

“I understand,” she replied.

 

“I’m meeting up with him later, as soon as I leave here to be honest, to tell him what I’ve just told you about Body Ease and I’m sure he’ll be just as pleased,” Jackson said.

 

“Should be a short conversation. What are the two of you going to do to fill in the rest of the visit?”

 

Looking at the cheeky smirk on Jessie’s face, Jackson said, “I’m not sure, Jess, the other day we were talking and apparently we both like chess. Maybe we could get in a game or two?”

 

“Who’ll be the king and who’ll be the queen?”

 

“You’re a laugh a minute, Jess.”

 

“Maybe I should’ve been a comedic superstar instead?”

 

Following a brief chuckle, Jackson asked, “So is there any hot, straight guy in the air who you’ve got your talons fixed on?”

 

“Actually, Jackson, I carry a net in my purse. It’s how straight women catch straight men these days but no, there’s no one specific on the horizon.”

 

“Well, unless they’re all morons, I suspect it won’t take you too long to snag a snag,” Jackson replied.

 

“What? I get snag means catch but the only other meaning I know for snag in this country, is a sausage, so if that’s what you call men, on account of some weird colloquialism for dick, then it’s no wonder you don’t have a boyfriend?”

 

“No, Jess, there’s another, older definition. It’s actually an acronym. It stands for Sensitive, New-Age, Guy,” Jackson explained.

 

“Oh hell. Well, I like the idea of a guy with some sensitivity but really, I’m attracted to men that look and act like men. That’s why I was attracted to you, Jackson. As for the New Age type, that would be a big no thanks,” she said.

 

“So my little Jess likes a bit of the rough in tumble?”

 

“I’m not an angel, Jackson.”

 

“Jessie Williams, wild, sexual demon in a frilly blouse,” Jackson said.

 

“Hardly, Jackson. However, I also don’t want to be a dead log in bed either.”

 

“Jess?”

 

“Ooo, such sudden seriousness. What?”

 

“You remember you were telling me about your friend who’s a psychologist?”

 

“Trevor? Yeah, what about him?”

 

“You said he deals in sex and sexuality, as well as the other more general stuff, right?”

 

“Yes. Jackson, is everything okay?”

 

“I’m not really sure, Jess. There’s just something bothering me and I can’t work it out. I’ve been thinking maybe I should speak to a professional?”

 

“Say no more, Jackson. I don’t need to hear.”

 

Reaching for her phone immediately, Jessie called Trevor, told him she had a very close friend who needed a bit of help. There was a rather quiet conversation and then Jessie looked up at Jackson and asked if Sunday evening at Trevor’s home would be acceptable. Jackson nodded, Jessie relayed his agreement and then following another quiet conversation, she disconnected the call.

 

“Jackson, Trevor and I are very close friends for reasons you don’t need to know. He’s a fully certified psychologist and he’s very good at what he does. He doesn’t need the business but because it’s me, he’s willing to see you on his day off tomorrow night.

 

“Be on time, Jackson, be extremely honest with him and don’t be afraid to tell him anything or answer any questions he asks. If he thinks you require it, he’ll see you regularly,” Jessie said.

 

“Shit, Jess, talk about good contacts and being in the know? Who is this guy, an ex-lover or something?”

 

“Jackson, I’ve just turned eighteen and I’ve been studying and becoming a masseuse for over a year. Do you think I was in a sexual relationship at sixteen or something? I mean I’m sure there are lots of girls who start earlier but I’m not that type of girl. No, we have a close relationship that is sort of connected through family but it wasn’t intimate.”

 

“Okay, Jessie. I’m sorry for pushing and being curious. Thank you so much for doing this for me.”

 

“It’s one consultation, Jackson. It should be an hour but if Trevor decides then it may go longer. It’s not going to cost you, Jackson. Don’t try to push the issue of payment but if you want, maybe you could offer him a massage for another time if he wants it?”

 

“You’re a superstar, Jess.”

 

“Oh stop grovelling. Just get on your knees and refer to me from now on as Queen Jess.”

 

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Jackson replied.

 

To be continued...