Finding Dayton Du'it

By: Solo Voice
(© 2017 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

solo_voice@tickiestories.us

Chapter 16: Afterglow

Sometimes after sex, particularly following explosive, orgasmic sex, people fall asleep so their bodies can replenish the extraordinary amount of energy expended. In the case of Lance and Dayton however, both men were so wired yet content and filled with so much need yet satisfaction, instead they talked, they laughed and then they devoured each other again. Sleep it seemed had been thrust onto a backseat, its time unknown and unconsidered, other than later.

Hours had rolled by and night had fallen, which neither had noticed until suddenly they could not see each other at all. There was a sudden explosion of laughter when Lance said, “Fuck Dayz, I can’t see you.”

“I need to take a piss,” Dayton said after they stopped laughing.

Dayton broke free of Lance’s deliciously imprisoning grip and rolled until he was close enough to reach out and turn on the bedside lamp. He rolled back and as he did, he lifted his body, thrust Lance onto his back and came down on top of him chest-to-chest, before kissing him heatedly once more.

Less than a minute later he broke the kiss and said, “I can’t fucking resist you, how am I going to go to work tomorrow?”

“Don’t,” Lance replied, “just kiss me and make love to me all day and all night.”

Following a brief pause for another kiss, Lance added, “You do know it’s fairly standard, don’t you? When two people fall in love and make love for the first time, often they take at least the next day off work so they can fuck like rabbits in heat. Sometimes it’s a couple days but whatever the period of time, it’s not unusual.”

Dayton asked curiously, “Had a lot of experience, have you?”

“No, not at all. You’re the first man I’ve ever loved…”

Dayton interrupted, “First?”

“Only,” Lance rephrased.

Dayton grinned and then lowered his head and sensuously bit and stretched Lance’s nipple. Releasing the tit from between his teeth, as it sprang back into position, he looked up into Lance’s eyes lasciviously, as well as suggestively.

“I’ve awoken a monster,” Lance said.

Dayton grinned and then growled jokingly.

Lance asked, “Didn’t you say you needed to use the toilet?”

“Back in a tick. Don’t go anywhere,” Dayton added and chuckled as he stood up from the bed and left the room.

“Damn, I’m drowning and I didn’t even know it was possible to feel like this. It was bad enough before he came home but now, after everything he did and how he made me feel, I don’t even recognize who I am,” Lance thought.

Turning his head within his disbelief of how Dayton had made him feel, in a moment that was as arbitrary as any random moment, Lance saw the photo beside the bed. Focusing while expecting nothing, he saw the face of a young man. As if a whisper from inside his own mind, Lance heard the name, “Jamey.” He looked at the face but it was as random and average as any of a million other faces. What did stand out were the sincerest eyes and the kindest smile.

“Thank you, Jamey,” Lance said.

As Dayton entered the bathroom, he closed the door and switched on the light. In a way it never had before, the room looked somehow brighter, as if it were brand new. The white tiles seemed whiter, the blue tiles seemed richer in color and the metal of the showerhead seemed to gleam. Dayton felt a sense that everything was somehow different but as he turned and caught his reflection in the mirror, he was confronted by a smile on his face he had never smiled before. He knew the reason for all of this instantly. It was Lance, it was love and it was a whole new world now available to him.

Getting up off the bed as well, Lance walked naked down the hall and into the living room. He did not bother to turn on a light and so the house was in darkness except for the lamp in Dayton’s bedroom and the bathroom where Dayton was. The door to the deck was still open and he walked out into the night. He picked up the two towels on the floor of the deck and hung them over the balustrade. Leaning on the balustrade where he had been when Dayton completely stole his heart as well as his body, Lance stared at the white crests of small, black waves and smiled.

He looked up at the night sky and all the storm clouds were gone. Stars were everywhere and a quarter moon was moving past the roof of their house, off to his right. There was no one on the beach he could see and the weather had also changed. The humidity was gone, the air smelled so clean and salty and the temperature was comfortably warm, making it a beautiful night.

Softly, Dayton’s fingers slid onto Lance’s waist before his new erection was pressing between his ass cheeks. A second later and the front of Dayton’s body was completely pressed against Lance’s back. The hands at Lance’s waist slid sensually around to the front of his body, feeling the warm skin, as he slid his hands up and down over his chest and stomach. A moment later, Dayton was holding him, rubbing against him and his lips were kissing the nape of his neck. Lance felt his legs turning to jelly again.

“Shit, if he can do this to me with just the touch of his hands, body and lips, I’m doomed,” Lance thought, as he felt a complete loss of self-control and his newly forming erection arching out before it began to rise to look at the stars as well.

Dayton’s voice was filled with desire when he said, “Honestly, I think I could eat you!”

“I could let you,” Lance whispered in reply.

“What part of you should I put into my mouth first?”

Lance’s cock was already standing tall but that question made it twitch and bounce.

“Dayz, don’t tease me.”

“Not teasing, Lance. I love the taste of you. I love kissing you and running my tongue over your skin and I have to say, I had no idea what it’d be like to suck a man’s cock until I took yours into my mouth. I should tell you, Lance, I plan on doing that to you a lot more.”

“Are you telling me that was the first blowjob you’ve ever given?”

“Yeah. Back when I was with Jamey, though I don’t know why, I could never really wrap my mind around putting a cock in my mouth.”

“Dayz, you’re one genuine cocksucker. No guy has ever made me come so quickly while they were sucking me. You on the other hand, brought me off in a couple minutes.”

“I’m a star,” Dayton joked and laughed.

Hearing the subtle, self-demeaning tone he had often heard before, Lance turned within Dayton’s embrace and then through the darkness as he stared into his eyes he said, “Dayz, you’ll always be my star and I’m not joking.”

Dayton tightened his arms around Lance and as he did, as he pulled him closer, he kissed him again and then said with a grin, “This might come as a surprise but I love you, Lance.”

“I wish you’d said that to me in the bedroom,” Lance replied and they both laughed, as neither could even remember how many times they had said those words to each other.

Unexpectedly, Dayton bent down and while adjusting his hold on Lance; he lifted him off the ground and up into his arms. Lance wrapped his arm around Dayton’s neck to secure himself while assuming Dayton was taking him back to bed. However, a moment later Dayton was heading down the stairs toward the back gate.

“Dayz, what are you doing? We’re naked and it’s not that late.”

“Open the gate,” Dayton said and as Lance leaned away from Dayton’s chest and pulled the gate back, Dayton maneuvered through and continued down the beach.

Soon enough Dayton had reached the shore but he did not stop walking and continued into the ocean. Despite the sounds of waves crashing, the surf was small and the water was relatively calm. Dayton came to a halt when the water reached mid thigh. Lance turned and looked at him and said,” Dayz, I told you not to dump me.”

“You also told me you’d kill me if I did. Are you going to kill me, Lance?”

As if the unspoken words that would have followed his trailing off, somehow explained what he was thinking, Lance said, “Dayz…”

Dayton smiled and responded in kind, “Lance…”

“Dayton, I mean it. Don’t do it.”

Dayton pulled Lance closer to his chest and started kissing him. Completely enchanted by his attraction, by his love and by his desire for Dayton, his mind reset and Lance was consumed in kissing back. His arms slid, surrounding Dayton’s back and his hands caressed and then clutched at his skin with need. Dayton adjusted his hold, gripped Lance’s legs and pulled them around his hips.

It was a loving and passionate kiss but even as they were kissing, slowly Dayton bent his knees and submerged until he was sitting on his haunches. Lance’s butt was now resting on Dayton’s lap; their cocks were hard and kissing, as the men embraced chest-to-chest and all while moist lips and tongues brushed in yet another engaging kiss. Girt by warm, coastal waters of the Pacific Ocean, they were also bathing in untethered emotions.

Lance was so lost in the kiss, his awareness was almost completely distracted from the water slowly rising around him and the kiss continued for several minutes. When it temporarily broke and he considered what Dayton had done, he gave him a faux glare.

Dayton replied to the glare with a soft smile and as he tightened his hold on Lance’s naked body, he said, “What’s up? It’s not cold. In fact, it’s quite warm and on top of that, we’re naked and you’re making your boyfriend hard.”

A single word of the several spoken by Dayton, caused Lance’s breath to catch. The day before, Dayton had said he did not consider he was gay and that statement still wavered at the edge of Lance’s mind. In spite of the mutual admissions of love, of the complete giving of their bodies and even of these moments of magic, Lance still expected a limitation to where what was between them would lead. Lover would have been a reasonable word in Lance’s mind, however, boyfriend held an entirely different connotation. The look in Lance’s eyes changed subtly but not wanting to create an issue, he let it slide.

Releasing one arm from around Dayton, Lance slid his hand between their bodies. Beneath the water he found and wrapped his fingers around Dayton’s erection. He held it firmly as he caressed his thumb back and forth over the slit of the swollen crown.

Dayton had seen the change in Lance’s eyes and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Lance lied.

“Come on Lance, I saw it in your eyes and I know something just bothered you. What is it?”

“Dayz, yesterday you said to me that you didn’t consider yourself gay. Everything that’s happened between us since this afternoon, to me at least, suggests to the contrary. I’m not trying to force you to categorize a part of who you are but you just categorized yourself as my boyfriend,” Lance said questioningly.

“It’s what I’d like to be,” Dayton said.

“It’s what I want you to be, more than anything but Dayz…”

Unexpectedly, the mood between the men was changing and Dayton felt Lance’s erection softening, as he heard the seriousness fill Lance’s voice. Not allowing Lance to continue what he was saying, Dayton cut in and said, “Lance, what I said to you in the bedroom was true. It’s because of you that I now know who I am, what I want and what I need. Somehow in the last two weeks and particularly in the last twenty-four hours, I’ve realized that in you I’ve found what I’ve been searching for all of my life. You’ve shown me who I really am. You’ve shown me what my heart is capable of because as I said, finding you meant really finding me.

“Lance, let me put your mind at ease; I’m gay, I know I’m gay and there’s no other man I want to express that part of me with. It’s why I discovered it was so easy to tell you I’m in love with you. You’ve got nothing to worry about, I don’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else, I only want to be here with you.”

Once again Dayton watched as Lance’s eyes filled with amazement. He pulled Lance closer, wrapped his arms around him and as he pushed his cock against him, he kissed Lance until Lance was once again bone-hard as well. They caressed as they embraced and their kiss became even more intense.

Parting from yet another deeply passionate kiss, Dayton said completely out of the blue, “There’s something I’ve been wondering about for quite some time.”

Lance asked, “What’s that?”

“That night when we skinny dipped,” Dayton replied.

“What about it?”

“Remember as you were coughing and I was holding you to keep you steady? Why did you pulled away from me so abruptly and dive into the water?”

“Dayz, you didn’t know I was gay, I didn’t know you were open to being with a man or even that one night in two week’s time you’d tell me you were gay. If I’d stayed in your arms with your body and cock pressed against me, I would’ve gotten harder then I was already becoming. I assumed if you realized I had an erection, something bad would’ve happened. At the time I didn’t know how much I cared about you or even that I was falling in love with you. All I knew was I was scared of my response to your naked body and so I was scared of your reaction to what my body’s response was going to be. Just for a moment, right here in this water and in your arms, I wanted you inside of me,” Lance explained.

Stunned by the truth but also curious, Dayton asked, “If you’d asked me and if I’d agreed, would you have allowed me to make love to you right here in the water?”

“The way you made me feel at that moment? Absolutely,” Lance replied.

Dayton embraced Lance tightly and looked up at the sky. Often following a huge storm, the night sky was crystal clear and this night was one of those times. Dayton gazed at the simple beauty of the billions of twinkling stars and he sighed. A moment later he said, “Can you believe this sky? It’s so awesome and so beautiful and so romantic. I think this night was made for you and I.”

“I like the way you think but if this sky was made for anyone, it definitely was made like this for you,” Lance replied.

Dayton leaned forward and he kissed Lance as he tightened his hold around him. Lance slid his hands up and down over Dayton’s naked back and the kiss once again intensified. Grinding erections and gentle agitating body movements, only added to the growing heat between them. It was sexual and yet not, as their words and truths, their thoughts and feelings and also the fundamental romantic nature of where they were and what was happening, carried the men to another level of intimacy.

The men held each other so softly that the air, the water and the heat between them made their skins sensitive to the sensuous nature of everything that touched them. A few minutes later, synchronously, semen shot between their bodies and each man’s grip maintained the other from crumbling beneath the surface. At no point, though, did their kiss waver or part and soon, lost in a warm and loving embrace, they sat still and silent while soaking in the ambience of their extraordinary closeness and surroundings.

***

Quite some time later, following a shared, warm shower, which also entailed mutual fellatio, they walked naked into the kitchen and made food to feed two very hungry stomachs. As they sat on opposite sides of the breakfast bar eating, smiling and staring into each other’s eyes, eventually the sensual silence was invaded by conversation.

Dayton said, “Sitting here and eating with you, has just made me remember that Kat, you and I were supposed to be having dinner tonight. I’m glad it didn’t happen but I wonder why Kat didn’t come home?”

“Shit, Dayz, you’re not going to believe it but I’ve got great news. Well, it’s great news for us but not so great for Kat. Then again, I’m not quite sure about that either.”

“Lance, stop babbling and tell me what’s going on?”

“Dayz, the Dark Cloud is gone for good,” Lance said and smiled.

“Are you telling me Kat kicked her out of her life? Did they have a fight or something?”

“Dayz, I don’t know the full story yet but I spoke to Kat this afternoon and - shit, you’re not going to believe this either because I could hardly believe it myself but Kat caught Alisha with a man.”

Dayton shrugged and said indifferently, “So?”

“Kat told me she’d explain everything tomorrow night but here’s what’s weird, she said she was feeling good and she was okay with the breakup. It’s all sort of strange but Dayz, it means no more Dark Cloud in our house to bring us down.”

Silently, Dayton thought, “Breakup?” A moment later he said, “You’re right, Lance, it does sound strange but I agree with you and I guess good tidings can be found in shitty places.”

“I just hope Kat finds a really nice woman who can make her really happy and also fit into our little home, like the three of us all ready fit together,” Lance said.

Dayton nodded in agreement but instantly there was a sort of amused smirk on his face.

Looking at him curiously, Lance said, “What?”

“You do realize you’ve just informed me that Kat is a lesbian and that Alisha was her girlfriend?”

Lance gulped but before he had the chance to reply, Dayton said, “So you’re gay and you kept it from me, Kat’s gay and she kept it from me and all this time the two of you have been living a secret where I was concerned?”

“Shit! Dayz, it’s entirely my fault. I thought you were straight and I didn’t tell you I was gay because, well, as I said to you earlier, I forgot. Then you and I were getting on so well together and time past so quickly that soon I felt like I was hiding it from you. I wasn’t consciously hiding it from you and then I started worrying about how you’d react and then I thought you’d think I was a liar. I know people talk about lying by omission but I wasn’t doing that either. I let it all get so out of hand because I didn’t want to lose you.”

A subtle smile crept onto Dayton’s face.

“When Kat showed up, unbelievably she worked it out and on Saturday she confronted me. She knew I was gay, she knew I was falling in love with you and though I didn’t know about Kat, she came out to me and told me Alisha was her girlfriend. We had a long and truthful conversation and she agreed to go along with keeping quiet until I told you.

“Since Saturday, it was like the speed the earth was spinning increased. Everything happened so quickly and before Saturday even came to an end, I knew I was falling in love with you. Dayz, I’ve never been in love and it was so completely new to me and I was struggling with my feelings and my loss of control. It was why I reacted to you the way I did yesterday morning. I didn’t believe I had a chance of being with you and it made me angry while I was also feeling scared of losing you.

“Dayz, I wanted to tell you I was gay, for me, for you and for Kat and Alisha but everything seemed like such a distraction. I was going to tell you yesterday but you told me about your life and I didn’t feel it was the right time because of Jamey and how broken you seemed. It’s why I told you so suddenly this afternoon,” Lance explained in a flustered voice.

Dayton was grinning when Lance finished and once again Lance looked at him with uncertainty and said, “What now?”

“On the day I came to look at the house, were you really attracted to me?”

“Hell yes. You made me crazy in a way no other man ever had,” Lance replied.

“Was that why you were so weird and distracted and why you didn’t question me about any part of my life?”

“At the time, Dayz, I sort of hoped you weren’t aware of that,” Lance said.

“Oh, I was very aware of it. Damn, this explains so much,” Dayton said.

“Explains what?”

Dayton grinned again and said, “So it was me that made you forget to tell me you were gay and let me get this right, you forgot to tell me you were gay because you were having gay thoughts about me?”

The look on Lance’s face was priceless. Though Lance had been seriously worried about finding two tenants to share the house and rent and also, though he had known he was seriously hot for some random straight man action, what had happened that morning and the way everything worked out, had been odd to say the least. Dayton had now put into words the simplicity of what Lance had never been able to fully fathom or clarify. It was so simple and yet the reality of what had eluded him for two weeks suddenly made sense. He had been besotted to the point of a disconnect between his mind and heart and cock. Immediately, Lance felt like such an idiot.

“Yeah,” Lance said, his voice powerless, as his face flushed pinkish from embarrassment.

Dayton snorted while trying to suppress his laughter.

“Dayz, don’t be an ass. It wasn’t and isn’t funny. You have no idea how out of sorts you made me feel. Meeting you turned my regular world upside down.”

“I’m sorry for laughing Lance but I’m not laughing at you, as much as at the situation. From my perspective, though, it’s really funny. It’s funny because of how crazy it is. It’s just as well things worked out the way they did,” Dayton said.

Slightly irritated, Lance put some food in his mouth and turned his head and stared at the wall. Dayton looked up and saw his expression and realized Lance was probably feeling foolish.

“You know, Lance, I don’t care about how we got here, I only care that we got here and I don’t want here to be anything else other than what it is. I love you and anything else doesn’t matter.”

Turning his gaze away from the wall, Lance fell back into Dayton’s eyes. The irritation dissolved immediately, his heart melted and he reached out and laid his hand on top of Dayton’s hand. He squeezed his hand and said, “I don’t care how we got here either and I love you, too.”

Less than thirty minutes later, Dayton led Lance back to his bed and following another session of intense lovemaking; wrapped around each other they fell into deep and peaceful sleep.

***

Sometime not long after midnight, Lance awoke and lay silently in Dayton’s arms. Dayton’s beautiful, warm and bigger body was pressed firmly against his back, Dayton’s thick, flaccid cock lay along the top of his crack and Dayton’s left leg was hooked over his legs. Lance thought there was no other way better, to awaken in the middle of the night.

Instantly, Lance’s mind was filled with all-consuming thoughts, not unlike when he was suddenly inspired to write a story or to add to a piece of work he was writing. Even though it was different, Lance knew he needed to construct his feelings and thoughts and put them into words.

Gently, he unfolded Dayton from around his body and quietly slid from the bed and left the room. He pulled the door while leaving it ajar and went into his own bedroom. He sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. As he waited for it to start up, he became aware of the silence and stillness of the early hours of the morning. Outside his window, he could just make out the small, rolling waves through the deep darkness of night. He felt so aware, as if he were in an altered state of consciousness but he also felt so empty and alone, now that he was not in Dayton’s arms.

The monitor flashed bright and an illuminating light blue haze filled his darkened room. Seconds later, a picture of two, naked men in black silhouette, standing on a high coastal cliff embracing within a deep orange sunset, took pride of place as it completely filled the screen. The room turned orange as a consequence and a moment later as the icons appeared, Lance double clicked on the file entitled Dayton. Immediately, he scrolled to where the last entry ended. Entering down to the next page he began to write once more.

Tuesday, May 20.

Every time I’ve written an entry in this journal or whatever it is, it’s been all about Dayton. This time, though it still is about Dayton, it’s more about me and the effect and transformation his existence in my life has had on me. I can barely believe that what I’m about to write is possible or even real.

My world has changed!

It’s the strangest thing because even though I could not be happier and have never been happier in my life, in a way I suddenly feel like I’m about to lose my freedom and independence. Ironically, though the thought of that bothers me intensely, at the same time, every cell of my being wants to remain imprisoned. Dayton is my warden but I am the criminal who walked into his prison and asked him to lock me up.

I feel like I’m floating on air. The most handsome man with the most delicious body and with a sensitive soul and a loving heart, in thirteen days has swept me off my feet. I can’t even imagine him not being a part of my existence.

It’s twelve-thirty in the morning and the day ahead will be the fourteenth day since he walked into my life. It’s such a short period of time that I can’t even comprehend how it’s possible that I feel the way I do. I can barely verbalize the concept in my head, except by saying I feel like I’ve just been swallowed whole. I’m in the gullet of a monster and I’m willing to be digested. How is that even possible? How can that be a thing?

Before the sun even set yesterday afternoon and only seconds after I told Dayton I was gay, I was being kissed, I was melting and suddenly nothing was going to be the same. The way he touched me, the way he held me and the way he was able to make me lose all rationality; it was like nothing I could ever have imagined.

Throughout my life up to this point, I’ve had lots of sex and many encounters that carried me away amidst blissful moments of sensuality, desire and lust. Before tonight, those consuming times found in hungry, carnal pleasure, were the moments I hoped for and begged for when life seemed pale and empty.

Even though I changed and began seeking something different, something more, I understood why so many gay men sought out sex-only moments on a day-to-day basis. Those feelings of being temporarily fulfilled, those extraordinary feelings of release and relief, as well as the hedonistic pleasures of being naked with a man in my arms while I fucked him senseless, were the place I had come from and all that I really knew. This night, however, has educated me in something I never truly believed existed.

Before tonight, when I heard other’s talking about what I’ve just experienced, silently I used to grin and think there were an entire group of people in this world, who believed in unicorns, magic carpets and Eden. I may have wanted to meet a man and fall in love and to experience a long-term relationship but I really thought of it in purely pragmatic terms. A close connection, sexual compatibility and also companionship to walk a path through my time. Anything else seemed like childish imaginings - until Dayton!

At its most fundamental level, sex is just a physical thing. Our nerve endings and our minds and our emotions, transform the sensual physicality of sex into something exceptional. It’s what makes us want to do it over and over again. Even so, still it’s a physical thing. I’m not dismissing sex as unimportant because I know there is an element of transcendence that can accompany its journey. As awesome and delicious as it can be, sex can also inspire imaginations and creativity and in some cases, so I’ve heard, can even inspire some sort of spiritual experience. The point is, tonight I experienced something so far removed from what I was used to, I was stunned by how far removed it was. Could this have been a spiritual experience?

Generally I wouldn’t say this out loud but I can write all of these thoughts and feelings clearly and honestly because I know no one is ever going to read this. I know that I’m simply clarifying my own thoughts and feelings but I just have to get this out of me. These words, I hope, will paint a picture and somehow maintain a memory. Maybe in the future these words will make it tangible if the memory ever begins to fade.

What I know, at least what I think I know, is that the honesty of my feelings for Dayton, combined with my undoubting belief in Dayton’s feelings for me, made all the difference to the sex we shared tonight. Sex is sex but sex can be expanded into something more than sex. The added ingredient is the heart. Again, it’s a transcendence, however, it’s while doing nothing different or out of the ordinary sexually, when my transcendence occurred. The consciousness, which is generally focused on the external, that being the body, suddenly becomes focused on the internal, which is a palpable yearning to give all to the one outside of the self.

I love Dayton and I know it. I would do anything for him within principled reason, which is the limit of the concept of unconditional love. During those moments that physical, sensual love and lust were driving me wild, though, as much as I hungered for him to kiss me and touch me and make love or fuck me until the end of time, this other, new level of consciousness, wanted something from him that sex could not give.

There was a moment when I wanted to exist inside his body. We were merged and connected but I wanted to disappear inside of him. I was so filled by him and yet so empty of him that I wanted to love him and protect him and wrap him up so nothing could ever hurt him again. I then wished I had a zipper at the front of my chest and that I could open my body and take him inside of me to keep him safe. Then, in a joining of these two disparate yet connected perspectives, I shuddered into orgasm. My mind was caught between reality and imagination, my heart was resting on cool feathers beneath a warm sun, my body was tingling in its sensual and sexual delight and finally, right there, the one who was making all of this real, was keeping me grounded while sending me soaring beyond the atmosphere. It was simply astonishing.

Re-reading the paragraph I’ve just written, it sounds almost fanciful and naïve, even to me, however, I know it is the clearest and most honest expression of my experience. Part of me, I assume the rational and pragmatic side of me, questions if I am suddenly delusional but I know I’m not. In those moments the extent of my love and feelings for Dayton, perceived him as divine and deserving of all I had to give.

Hours later, in the darkness, in the ocean and wrapped in Dayton’s arms, I actually felt like I was in some magical fantasy movie. The outside world was perfect, the water temperature was perfect and the stars, the moon and the sky were perfect as well. My world was suddenly devoid of life’s evils and hurts and tragedies. Dayton’s gaze, his touch, his kisses and his words held me bound. I swooned from the sensuous feeling of his naked skin grazing against mine. Like a sin eater, Dayton cleansed me of doubt and fear. Like some old fashioned bride, I felt like a promise was made. For a time, I truly felt like I was disappearing into him and that I would no longer exist. Rationally, a thought like that is unacceptable and yet, I could hear my emotional heart screaming at me to allow myself to vanish.

I know, though I hate that I know; this magic can’t last forever. I’ve heard people talk about the initial magic of love and relationships. After tonight, I finally know what those people meant. I guess it’s why people the world over keep striving to find the one. I find myself wondering right at this moment if it’s an illusion but I just can’t stop myself from believing at a level of one hundred percent certainty, Dayton is my one.

Shit, saying that has just brought to mind something that happened two weeks ago, on the day I was showing Dayton the house. I remember walking toward the laundry and thinking a stray thought that Dayton was the one. At the time I thought it was regarding renting a room to Dayton but as I think about it now, I’m wondering if some part of me in some sort of precognitive way, knew that Dayton was the one to share my life. I guess that sounds irrational and like I’m seeking within the unlikely but still, why would I have remembered a single, irrelevant thought like that now?

When I awoke not long ago and I looked at that beautiful man beside me, I knew I had to write all of this down. I hope that experience with him tonight never fades from my memory and even if I never experience it again, I hope the way I feel about him is not diminished with the passage of time.

I’m glad I got all of this out and written but I have to say that dragging myself away from him in his bed to write this, was akin to amputating some part of my body. I want to feel his touch and be in his arms again.

Lance stopped typing and he sighed. He knew everything he had written was as true as it could be. He felt there was so much more he could have written and even something he wanted to write but could not put into thoughts or words. He reached for the mouse to conclude the entry.

No less than five seconds following clicking close and save, Dayton’s arms descended from behind Lance’s chair and wrapped around his chest. The chair half turned and then Dayton’s lips pressed to Lance’s lips and a warm, wet and loving kiss took place. As Dayton broke the kiss and pulled back to look into Lance’s eyes, Lance said, “How long have you been behind me?”

“Long enough to read everything you wrote. I woke up because some part of me told me you were gone. I came looking for you but I didn’t want to disturb you and I’m glad I didn’t because what you wrote, was the most incredible thing I’ve ever read and the most amazing thing anyone could have said in regard to me. Come on, turn that thing off and come back to bed. Let me hold you in my arms and let’s hope together that I never have to let you go,” Dayton replied.

“How could I not love you,” Lance replied and then he shut down the computer and followed Dayton back to his room.

Once back in Dayton’s bed, Dayton spooned Lance and held his body in a firm embrace. Dayton kissed his back and tried to snuggle closer, as Lance moaned from the feeling of the skin that sensually caressed his own. A few minutes later, though, something about the way Dayton was holding Lance, changed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Dayton replied.

“Dayz, something just happened and even your breathing changed. Tell me what you’re thinking or what’s wrong.”

“I want to always be completely honest with you, Lance.”

“I want us both to be honest all the time,” Lance replied.

“I want to tell you something but I’m worried you’ll be angry with me,” Dayton said.

“Dayz, right at the moment you could practically commit murder and I still couldn’t be angry with you,” Lance said and chuckled.

“Earlier tonight you spoke about lies of omission,” Dayton said.

“Yeah, I did but I told you I wasn’t lying, by omission or otherwise,” Lance replied.

“I know. I’m not talking about you, Lance, I’m talking about me.”

Lance dragged his body away from Dayton and flicked the bedside lamp back on. He turned over and lowered his chest onto Dayton’s chest and held him close as he looked into his eyes.

“Dayz, I’m sure that whatever’s bothering you isn’t as bad as you think it is. Just tell me.”

Dayton sighed with resignation and said, “Lance, last night I did something that was an invasion of your privacy.”

“What? What did you do?”

“When you and Kat were cleaning up after dinner and I went to my bedroom, I looked into your room and saw your computer was on. I know I shouldn’t have but I saw my name on the screen and I allowed my curiosity to get the better of me. I went into your room, I opened the file and I couldn’t stop reading every word you wrote from the day I moved in. Lance, I know how wrong it was and I’m sorry but I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Dayz, why would you do that?”

“Because it was my name and because it was you who had written it. There was an intense need to know what you’d written about me. I thought maybe it was a story about me but after the first few lines, well, I just couldn’t stop. I was so shocked and then I was so turned on and then I was so happy. Reading that file changed everything for me,” Dayton said.

“How?”

“Your words made me discover myself and know myself in a way I never had.”

Lance asked, “What do you mean?”

“Lance, when I met you, I really liked you, too. Problem was, I really didn’t know who I was. I told you when I told you the story that I came to love Jamey but I never really could tell myself I was in love with him. He was special to me, he meant the world to me and I did love him but there was never that something, which following reading what you just wrote, I’d now refer to as magic.

“When I met you, even though I wouldn’t admit it to myself, let alone you or anyone else, deep down I could feel an attraction to you. After I moved in and we started talking, I told myself the connection was about friendship and though it was, there were whispers in my mind that told me it was more. After that night when we skinny-dipped, all I wanted was to be close to you and to get closer to you. I really didn’t think you’d be interested in me and so I wanted to be with you but didn’t believe anything would ever happen.

“Last night when I finished reading the file, my world changed. You’d said you loved me and I knew in that moment that I loved you too. Last night in my room I realized and finally accepted I was gay.

“All day at work I couldn’t stop thinking about you and all I wanted to do was get home so I could tell you how I felt. It was unfair because I knew how you felt, I knew you wanted to tell me you were gay and I knew that in a way it was going to be easy for me. I knew everything while you were wading in an ocean with nowhere to rest your feet. Lance, I’m so sorry I did what I did but I’m also not sorry because your words opened my eyes and expanded my world and…”

Lance’s lips closed around Dayton’s lips to stop him from talking. He kissed him hard and deep and he slid on top of his body and held him tight. The pressure inside of Dayton evaporated and seconds later the men began to make love again. An hour or so later, as they snuggled in another afterglow, Lance said, “Don’t worry about reading what I wrote. Thank you for being honest and telling me and I’m glad my words made things easier for you. Next time, though, if you want to see something I’m writing, at least ask me if I mind,” he said and than reached out and turned off the light.

As the room went dark and Lance returned and wrapped around Dayton, Dayton said, “I promise, Lance.”

“I love you,” Lance said.

“I love you, too,” Dayton replied.

Now feeling relaxed and at ease again, Dayton closed his eyes, folded his strong arms around Lance and held him in a contented, lovers embrace. Lance lowered and turned his head, allowed his cheek to sink into the skin and muscle of Dayton’s chest and as he stared into the darkness, Lance smiled.

“I can’t believe what’s happened, I can’t believe where I am and I can’t believe that Dayz is actually mine. I know, yet can’t believe he’s changed my world. Finding Dayz is the best thing that ever happened in my life,” Lance thought.

Following what seemed like several long minutes of silence, Dayton whispered through the darkness, “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m trying to comprehend how I’m feeling. Dayz, when I look at your handsome face, I just want to drown in your eyes and kiss your beautiful lips. When I see and touch your naked body, I can’t contain my desires and I just want to wrap myself around you and steal everything your body has to offer. When I’m with you, just you and I together, I don’t ever want to walk away and now, after what’s happened tonight; being in your arms like this right now, I’m in a bubble of happiness I never knew was possible. At the same time I’m so scared someone or something will make this bubble burst. Honestly, Dayz, I could never have imagined it could be possible to feel like this. Finding you in this world of random faces and knowing you’ve chosen me above someone else, I feel like today I’ve been given a gift. Finding you and knowing you’re in my life and that you love me; well, I’m humbled,” Lance replied, in a soft, disbelieving voice.

Dayton tightened his arms around Lance and held him earnestly. Lance’s words were so sincere and it was obvious they had come from the heart. More than any other moment, Dayton knew Lance loved him beyond measure and Dayton felt happy but humbled as well.

“Lance, you can steal everything from my naked body anytime you want to. My eyes are yours, my lips are yours and all that I am belongs to you.”

Lance said nothing in reply. He simply lifted his head, turned it and kissed Dayton’s chest. Dayton smiled and tightened his embrace and Lance lowered his face back onto Dayton’s chest and closed his eyes. He felt so safe and secure in Dayton’s arms.

Eventually the men fell asleep, knowing that somehow what they had found with each other, would only be strengthened over the passage of time.

***

The next morning when Lance awoke, he discovered they were both lying on their sides facing each other. Dayton was still asleep and Lance simply gazed at his face. Lance felt it again. Ever since that moment when Dayton had entered his life, a silent influence yet an all-consuming awareness, disabled Lance. Now, understanding what he was feeling in that moment, he wondered if love at first sight had been the cause of his behavior on day one.

Even though Lance was breathing normally, he felt like not enough air was filling his lungs. In addition, as he stared at the handsome face, his heart seemed to be beating too fast as well. Then there was the bizarre notion whether any of this was real. Over the last two weeks everything had been so out of the ordinary. The very fabric of his life had seemed so far removed from the normal everyday life he was used to. From the moment Dayton entered into his existence, Lance felt like he was looking through a distorted pane of glass. Things had seemed real but not quite real enough.

Before this morning, every time those feelings and thoughts caught hold of him, he had consciously dismissed them. This morning however, he realized with absolute certainty that this was it. Dayton made his doubts dissolve and replaced them with belief. Dayton transformed his unspoken fears into courage and he caused any sense of purposelessness to shrink in the face of a purpose. Looking at Dayton, Lance knew he was in for the long haul and if all the unknowns of their tomorrows worked out, he would be with Dayton until the day one or both of them died.

Lance thought, as he continued to stare at his sleeping man, “This is an unending story, a story to be added to with every day that follows. Right here and right now I know this is just the beginning. I belong to him and he belongs to me, even if our spirits are meant to be free. Belonging doesn’t mean ownership; like a flowering vine that finds its support upon another foundation, it means bound and entwined yet moving and growing in all directions. In our home and within our lives and along our path through time and place, together we’ll be the authors typing with our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. This story is up to us.

“Last night Dayton said to me that finding me meant finding him. I understand that because finding Dayton Du’it has meant finding me as well. Alone I was a self-made character but a character of agreeable self-perception. Dayton has shown me self-perception is limited. He’s shown me parts of who I thought I was and parts of what I thought I believed, were little more than assumptions, based on an unimpeded acceptance of a distant vision of what I thought my future and I might be. I was an unfinished sculpture on a table. A cloth was covering me and the light was switched off with the door to the studio closed and locked. Dayton unlocked the door, switched on the light and walked in to uncover unfinished business.

“All this time I thought I knew who I was. Now I know I am the sculptor and the sculpture and Dayz is the studio that will nurture my creation. Our time has come,” Lance thought.

Sliding closer, Lance curled his arms around Dayton’s body and as he pulled closer to his man, he gently kissed his soft, red lips. Moments later, his fading, conscious thoughts stated irrevocably, he would never feel happier or closer to Dayton than he did in that moment and finally, nothing and nobody could ever come between them. Somehow he believed they would be together forever. Closing his eyes, Lance drifted back into a deep and contented sleep.

To be continued...

Posted: 07/28/17