Chapter 6 

The Revelation.

 

Reece put the car into gear but just before he raised the clutch to accelerate away from the kerb, he turned to Shane and said with a large and very satisfied smile, “Logan came out to me on the porch.”

 

At the front door, Logan squeezed Aaron’s shoulder before he stepped back to return to the room where they had spent most of the afternoon. He was feeling a warm feeling after spending a few minutes with Aaron’s parents; however, something was bothering him and he asked, “Why did they leave so quickly? Was it because of me?

 

“Oh, it’s about time. Maybe now those two can get their acts together and finally get on with their lives, side by side where they should be,” Shane replied, as she glanced over at Reece with a pleased expression on her face.

 

Aaron stood and watched until his parent’s car disappeared from view. In that moment of silence he thought, “I know Mum’s right and that I should just say the words but it’s easier said then done. It’s not like she’s the one risking the love of her life.”

 

“I’m so glad Logan’s heart finally caught up to him and brought him home,” Reece said.

 

Feeling guilty about how he had spoken to his mother in such a dismissive manner while not even realising he verbalised his guilty thought, Aaron whispered regretfully, “Shit,” as he closed the front door and turned to answer Logan’s question.

 

Shane asked matter-of-factly, as Reece turned the corner out of Aaron’s street, “Were we ever that blind and oblivious when we were their age?”

 

Hearing Aaron’s whispered remark, Logan asked as he turned his head and looked over his shoulder, “What’s wrong, Ary?”

 

Reece glanced away from the road and looked at Shane briefly before he replied, “Us specifically? Well, I don’t think we were oblivious, at least not that I can recall but you’re talking about over twenty years ago. The thing is, Shane, with so much social stigma, I’m wondering if the different sexuality makes life harder for gay kids than it does for straight kids? I know Aaron and Logan are not kids anymore but after talking with Logan on the porch, I did wonder if it was more difficult when I realised how much he was struggling with the choices he made, with the choices he wants to make and also, with how he thought I was going to react to what he wanted to say to me.

 

Shane, I know you’re talking about them being blind to each other but perhaps they’re not blind and oblivious at all? Perhaps they just have so much to deal with growing up that if they don’t get a handle on their sexual orientation and accept themselves quickly, they then struggle to believe that anyone else will accept them either. I wonder if they’re so afraid of not being accepted that sometimes they can’t see the forest for the trees?

 

You know, Shane, when I consider Aaron, he’s a different matter altogether. I think he accepts his sexuality but I don’t think he believes Logan will accept it or even him for that matter, if he tells him. I think he loves Logan so much that he’s prepared to accept the way things were, rather than take the chance on the way things could be. It’s ironic in its own unusual way but it makes me question if you and I made the right decision to say nothing and to let them work it out for themselves.

 

When Aaron finally came out to us, I believed he would be okay but until today, I wasn’t so sure about Logan. Now that he’s told me, I’m guessing it shouldn’t be too long before he tells Aaron as well. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when that conversation takes place,” Reece completed and laughed.

 

Aaron thought quickly about how to answer Logan. He hoped he could avoid the issue and not have to answer the question in detail and so answering two things at once he said, “Nothing, it’s just Mum. She can be so pushy at times but Logan, of course they didn’t leave because of you. They often show up unexpectedly, give me groceries or clothes they bought for me, before leaving almost immediately. If I don’t invite them over specifically, they always leave after a very short visit. Sometimes I think Mum just wants to check up on me and make sure I’m okay and still alive.”

 

“Well Reece, I don’t think Aaron’s making it any easier for Logan. I mean Logan’s been back for several hours and Aaron still hasn’t told him he’s gay. I asked him outright in the kitchen and he just shook his head no. I told him to trust the connection he always had with Logan and to believe in him but Aaron got defensive and told me I didn’t understand what Logan was really like. I asked him why coming out to Logan was so hard and so different from when he came out to you and me? Reece, I swear I wanted to slap the back of his head, too. He told me I wouldn’t understand, as if because I wasn’t gay I therefore couldn’t relate to confronting a difficult situation. God forgive me if I was ever that dismissive and self-absorbed when I was younger. Bloody young people these days, they all think their world and their lives are so uniquely different to ours. I felt like telling him that you and I believed Logan and he were gay twelve years ago. Like you, I also wondered if we had made the right decision to remain silent. Reece, maybe we should have told him we thought Logan was gay, too, when Aaron came out to us. Anyway, when I went to speak again, he told me to mind my own business, leave it alone and to stay out of it. He didn’t even stop to think that maybe I could be helpful or just supportive,” Shane explained with obvious frustration in her voice.

 

“Ary, whatever your mum was being pushy about, she was probably just trying to help. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. You’ve got a brilliant mum and I’d swap her any day of the week for the demon spawn that someone suggested gave birth to me. To this day I still think she purchased me on the black market. I mean honestly, what man in what reality would want to fuck her or impregnate her. I’m not her son and I never will be,” Logan said bitterly.

 

“The poor kid,” Reece said and chuckled, “I swear he almost had a coronary occlusion when he realised I knew he was gay. He really is lovable, you know? It’s no wonder you and I took to him like a lost and adorable puppy. I really think that even though we all love him and he obviously loves us, coming from the situation he did, he still exists within a belief he’s alone in this world. I know we don’t know the real story but I still think his mother has a lot to answer for. I’m so thankful his path led him to us.

 

I get the impression Logan thinks he needs people to be proud of him. I also think that when he finally comes out to Aaron, he’ll become a completely different person. It makes me wonder about the person he would have become if Aaron had not been like a brother to him.

 

Irrespective, sometimes I want to shake the both of them. I mean seriously, Sweetheart, when they were teenagers it was like watching animation on television. We could practically see little pink hearts, rising from their eyes when they looked at each other. If we could see it and they each individually knew it, why couldn’t they see it in each other?”

 

“Logan, you don’t need to swap your mum for mine. My mum is already your mum and she always will be. It’s the same as my dad will always be your dad. Speaking of, what were you and Dad talking to each other about on the front porch?”

 

“I honestly don’t know why they can’t see the blatant signs but Reece, maybe there’s a difference between gay and straight kids and maybe there isn’t. I really don’t know. Irrespective of whether there is or isn’t, some people are confident about approaching the person they love or lust for. On the other hand, others are downright terrified. I mean let’s face it, Darling; you certainly weren’t the most courageous of characters when it came to walking up to me and asking me out. All you had to do was say something rather than nothing and you would have gotten me three months earlier than you did. You know, for a hot hunk of a young man, you really were a wimp when it came to approaching women,” Shane said and laughed.

 

“Nothing much, I mean we weren’t talking about anything important,” Logan said, trying to think quickly, “Reece just asked me about my time overseas and I told him a few things and said that I had a great time.”

 

“Sweetheart, that’s not exactly true. The truth is something I’ve never told you but my shy persona wasn’t real. It was all just a façade so I could continue to date the Catholic schoolgirls and take their virginity. I really was your typical sex stud, at least until I had my fill and was ready to focus all my attention on you,” Reece lied insecurely, after Shane had called him a wimp.

 

Logan looked at Aaron innocently and asked, “So what exactly was your mum being pushy about?”

 

Reece lifted his arm to fend off the incoming, faux backhand from his wife, which was in response to his Catholic schoolgirls remark. He did not however, see the rolling eyes or the bemused grin on Shane’s face.

 

“You know,” she said, “I guarantee if we turned around and went back, those two boys would still be pretending to each other that they’re both straight. They’d be continuing to hide the fact that they didn’t want to strip each other naked and that they didn’t want to have sex with each other, as badly as you’re going to want it with me over the next two weeks,” Shane said and paused, as Reece glanced at her confused. “Oh, Reece,” Shane continued, “I should point out at this juncture that I won’t be giving you sex because of the Catholic girls whose virginity you took, when you should have been taking mine,” she completed and grinned, as she watched Reece swing his head to look at her again, this time in shock.

 

“Oh, um, I told Mum you were moving in here with me and so she started hassling me to go out tomorrow and buy you a bed for your bedroom,” Aaron replied with the only lie he could think of.

 

Realising Shane had not fallen for his self-aggrandising bullshit and that now he was paying for it as she outplayed him, in full back-peddle mode he said, “Sweetheart, I was only joking. It was only you and it was always only you. There were no Catholic schoolgirls or any other girls. I only said that because you called me a wimp.”

 

“Ary, it’s cool and we’ll get around to it. I’m happy to sleep in your bed with you for as long as I need to,” Logan said and thought he needed to get things sorted out soon, as he felt his feelings were growing and he was beginning to hope he would never have to leave Aaron’s bed at all.

 

Shane asked cockily, “So Reece, let me get this straight. You’re now admitting you were a wimp and too afraid to talk to the woman of your dreams? You’re now admitting you weren’t confident like the other boys at school and that there was no other girl for you but me?”

 

“Yeah, it’ll be cool, Logan. You can sleep in my bed with me for as long as you want to or need to. We’ll sort it out soon enough,” Aaron said.

 

Shane grinned again when Reece sighed in defeat and replied, “Shane, I admit it and I’m sorry I said what I did. Sweetheart, there’s no need for all of this. We can still have sex tonight, can’t we?”

 

“Cool,” Logan replied, as he imagined waking up in the forthcoming nights, spooning Aaron like he had that night at thirteen but this time, with Aaron waking up as well.

 

“Homeward, my pussy-whipped husband. You know, you’re lucky that at forty-five years of age I still love sex as much as you do and so I promise you there’ll be no chastity tonight,” Shane said and smirked victoriously, as she looked out the passenger-side window.

 

The conversation following the departure of Aaron’s parents only lasted a few minutes. Logan then said he wanted to change into some lighter clothing, before they made another coffee and then returned to the lounge to continue talking.

 

It was nearly four hours later at eight o’clock that night, seven hours after Logan had arrived and six hours after they had first settled in the living room, when Logan finally stood up from the lounge for the second substantial period of time. They were not particularly hungry after the lunch Aaron had made them and so they nibbled on light snacks throughout the evening and continued to drink coffee like it was water.

 

Logan’s change of attire saw him now wearing a white t-shirt and light blue track pants with no underwear or shoes. He was very relaxed and had fallen into feeling right at home with Aaron but they had been sitting for so long that standing up seemed a necessity.

 

Only minutes before, Aaron told Logan he was feeling a little sweaty and needed to shower and so while he was in the bathroom, Logan’s mind went on another analytical journey of memories and considerations. He started wandering around the house, not really doing anything other than thinking and remembering, as he sort of paced here and there. This was not a spontaneously unconscious occurrence. It was a conscious decision to find and draw conclusions, which Logan hoped would give him the green light to go ahead with what he wanted to do.

 

The initiating factor was that Logan could not get the thought out of his mind that Reece knew he was gay. He was therefore curious whether his sexuality had been a topic of conversation while he was overseas. He was now wondering if Aaron knew he was gay and if he did, why had he not said anything?

 

There was one thing that Logan did not consider or put together in his mind. In regard to his conversation with Reece, he had not stopped to think about or question the fact that if Reece knew he was gay and also that he wanted to be with Aaron, then surely if Reece gave him his blessing to go after his son, then Aaron must have been open to the possibility. It would have been a simple conclusion that no father would tell a gay man to proposition his son if his son were straight. If Logan had thought about that, he probably would have already confronted Aaron and would not be drowning in uncertainty, as he still was.

 

With his mind jumping randomly however, suddenly he was thinking that though his current connection to Aaron was still uncertain and unclear, the psychic’s suggestion that Aaron was in love with him must mean Aaron felt more than just the love and respect for a friend.

 

Logan thought, “Maybe I was too young to perceive Aaron’s true feelings?”

 

Incongruously, Logan then wondered if Aaron were not gay but knew that he was gay, what exactly did Aaron now feel and think about him? He also questioned if that was the reason why Aaron was occasionally hesitant toward him?

 

Suddenly he thought, “Was that why Aaron stiffened in the kitchen when I hugged him?”

 

“Damn it, stop thinking, stop assuming and stop asking questions you don’t know the answers to. You’re just confusing yourself,” Logan whispered.

 

Logan stopped wandering when he noticed something that caught his attention. He looked at an individual item placed on one of the shelves of the living room wall unit. It was a little Matchbox car, which Logan had found outside of the school when he and Aaron were eight years old. Logan could still remember the look he saw in Aaron’s eyes when he saw it. Even though Logan had very little of his own at home and he wanted to keep the toy, still he had given it to Aaron. Logan could not believe that not only did Aaron still have the little car but that he also kept it in a position of prominence for everyone to see.

 

Hopefully, he thought, “Surely that must mean something?”

 

Glancing down, Logan noticed on one of the lower shelves were a few books standing upright and leaning against the inside of the wall unit. He picked up the largest of the group and turned it to look at the cover. It was entitled, “Australia: The Greatest Island” and was a big, glossy, coffee table book. He thumbed through it and saw the incredible photographs from all over the continent. It suddenly occurred to him what Aaron had said to his mother about travelling Australia.

 

Logan thought, “He knows everything about me, why do I know so little about him? Am I just selfish and self-absorbed and do I never think about anyone but myself? If that’s the type of man I am then why would he love me? Hell, for that matter, why would Reece and Shane care about me and treat me like their son? Fuck, what am I missing?”

 

He closed the book and put it back neatly where it had been. Immediately his mind jumped to some of the things he had been noticing while he and Aaron had been sitting on the lounge. They had been talking non-stop for hours but even amidst their conversation and laughter, as well as deeper thoughtful moments, Logan had been watching Aaron very closely. The things he noticed and the thoughts they brought to mind, caused him to think he needed to put all the pieces together and to finally make some decisions. He had only been back for hours but still he felt a need to know for sure and to act accordingly.

 

Sauntering down the hallway until he reached the bathroom door, Logan stopped and listened. He could hear the shower running but that was all. He thought about Aaron being naked behind the door and he felt an immediate heat, surge throughout his body. He pressed his whole body to the door quietly, his arms and palms up and pressed flat as well, as he turned his head to the side and pressed his ear, trying to hear anything other than running water. Closing his eyes, he imagined showering with Aaron and lathering every naked muscle. He felt his chest tighten with need and then he stepped away and returned to wandering and thinking.

 

There was no doubt in Logan’s mind that during the afternoon, their past and everything that had been between them had all fallen magically back into place. They had always been the best of friends but in spite of everything that had happened, it now seemed in less than a day, they were still friends, if not even better friends. However, from Logan’s perspective alone, the more studiously he had watched Aaron, the more another side to their relationship was becoming clear.

 

Logan recalled that it was impossible not to see the intensity in Aaron’s eyes. He could not miss the way Aaron watched his every movement, the way he stared so deeply into his eyes and then there was that simple smile, a smile that barely left Aaron’s face as he gazed at him. There was also one other thing, which had been part of their time growing up and that Logan was now seeing again, though from a different perspective.

 

In the past, Logan had known that in Aaron’s eyes, he was never to blame for anything. No matter what happened and regardless of any person that said anything to the contrary, Aaron always stood up for Logan, even if he was in the wrong. To Logan, he always felt like a caught fish being unhooked and set free.

 

Even now, all these years later, it seemed to Logan that in Aaron’s mind he was not allowed to carry any burden or to be considered in any way badly. Even when Logan said in jest that he had treated someone thoughtlessly overseas, Aaron told him he had done nothing wrong and then found an excuse for why he was not to blame. Logan was finally seeing that Aaron held him on a pedestal he did not deserve. One thing was for certain and that was Aaron loved and cared about him like no one else in his life.

 

After all the time that had passed them by, as well as after everything that had happened in the last four and a half years, Logan felt sure of only one thing where they were concerned. He was once again certain of their ever-constant, depth of friendship.

 

Immediately following that thought, Logan told himself he could not allow anything to destroy what had grown between them over the last twenty years. He then thought that the only problem was a certain piece of knowledge, which the psychic had given to him. Again Logan questioned, despite the evidence, if Aaron was really in love with him.

 

Now that Logan was home and he truly felt at home for the first time since he was thirteen, he knew it was because he was with Aaron. He knew he loved his friend and that being there with him was right. He was just uncertain if he was in love with Aaron. Logan wondered if what he had felt as a boy was what it felt like to be in love. He then wondered that if there could actually be more between them, whether that something more would shatter the friendship they had. It was a reprehensible thought to Logan and he considered he might have to deny any alternative for the sake of what had been and what had remained.

 

Logan turned his mind to the last four days. He pictured his time alone before he left California. He recalled how he had taken some time to really think and to consider his life, his options and his following decisions. He thought he had put everything into perspective, particularly because he had accepted that he was and always had been gay.

 

Recalling how on his second last day, he was unsure if he had been in love with Aaron at thirteen, he remembered thinking he had no idea if true love at that age was even possible and additionally, he wasn’t sure what true love even felt like. What he had known was that back in Sydney there had always only been Aaron. His father was an irrelevant ghost of an imagined image and his mother was a drunk and a bitter woman who criticised, judged and complained about everyone but herself. As for any of his other Aussie friends, they were sort of strangers that had become familiar and really meant very little in the scheme of things.

 

Those last days in Los Angeles had brought the realisation that the people he really cared about were Aaron and his parents. He loved Aaron’s parents because they treated him like a second son. They even referred to him as their son. Logan had remembered how he would go to visit, which was usually every day after school and also on weekends. Mrs Carter would open the front door and after she greeted him with a term of endearment while she ruffled her fingers through his hair, she would call out, “Aaron, your brother’s here” and then she would push him in the direction that Aaron was located. He loved her and he loved her every touch and hug.

 

Then, recalling Mr Carter, he thought he was the only adult man he really respected. He had remembered that when nobody was with them in the room, Mr Carter would put his arm around his shoulders and talk to him like a dad. He always reinforced that if Logan ever needed anything or needed to talk to a man, he should come to him and they would talk in private. The memory of how much he loved calling Mr and Mrs Carter, Dad and Mum, made him want to go home. Where Aaron’s parents were concerned, they always made him feel like part of the family.

 

Irrespective of that family unit he loved, Aaron was the one and only person Logan had always known he could not bear to lose. Aaron was always real and true, the one person that in every moment, really gave a damn about him and that he knew he could count on. He was the one person that was always there for him and would drop anything and everything to be there if he called.

 

Sitting alone and in silence in that room in California, even though he knew all the reasons why he had left Australia, Logan had said after that thought, “You’re an idiot. You knew that was how you felt about Aaron and yet still you left.”

 

After that moment of self-admonishment and as an alternative reason to why he did not need to go home, Logan remembered he had met a few wonderful people overseas and that some of them he even considered to be good friends. He knew he could call them and go to them and they would take him in. He knew they would welcome him with open arms. He also knew he was definitely going to call and write to them and that he was going to keep in touch. Regardless, as thoughts of those friends and their importance to him became clear, it was then that he knew with certainty, he only had one, true friend.

 

Logan had then thought about two people in particular and he understood that Aydin and Lincoln had been wrecking balls to knock down his walls. It was just as the psychic had suggested in a round about fashion. No matter their influence or how important they had been to the future of his life, he had suddenly realised Aydin and Lincoln had never actually been his friends.

 

What had truly become clear was that after all was said and done, almost immediately after Lincoln told him it was over, the first thought that had come to mind was to go to Aaron. Only the specific people in life, the true people in someone’s life, were the ones who came to mind in those times of uncertainty. Logan had needed Aaron and he was the only person he wanted to see and to talk to.

 

From the moment he made the decision to return, Logan felt like he had to rush, like he could not be late for an appointment. He was desperate to return to Aaron and as soon as possible. He booked the first QANTAS flight direct from Los Angeles to Sydney non-stop. It would still take him around fourteen hours but after thinking the Concorde did not exist anymore and there was also no Space Shuttle available, Logan settled for the next best thing.

 

Following those rational thoughts on the day before he booked his flight home, Logan had allowed a group of contaminated thoughts to influence him while he flew patiently over the Pacific. They were the thoughts based on emotion, imagination and possibility. They weren’t bad thoughts, they were just thoughts based on idealism or whim or unchecked desires, which could sometimes lead to wrong decisions. In a way, even though the psychic had given him all the information he needed to break free of his cage, Paul had also left him with less than certainty. He wondered had he not stormed out of the psychic’s home, if maybe he would have gained more information?

 

As he flew away from the Americas, Logan was still not certain if Aaron was gay. Still, he loved the thought considering he had accepted his own sexuality. Then there was the psychic’s prediction or whatever it was, the suggestion that Aaron was in love with him. As a whole, it seemed like the perfect scenario. If he went back to Sydney to his best friend and if Aaron really was gay, they could fall in love and live happily ever after.

 

Idealism, whim and imagination, can form quite the delusional yet enticing partnership but still it was that scenario in part, which added to the reasons why Logan was returning to Australia.

 

As rational and pragmatic as Logan was generally, he was suddenly in an idealistic mindset. Flying through cold, thin air, thirty-five thousand feet above deep, freezing water, Logan imagined walking into Aaron’s arms and both of them knowing that they would be together forever. He imagined Aaron telling him he was in love with him and then he recalled the vision of that eighteen-year-old boy at the airport. Picturing that young and handsome boy, as Logan stared out into the darkness outside of the plane, he imaginatively stripped Aaron naked and took him forcefully beneath soft, cool sheets.

 

For a short time, as the taxi left the airport, Logan’s rational side kicked in and he suspected his fantasy on the plane would never happen. He began to think of their friendship and then considered whether sex and/or love with a friend would destroy the friendship. He then began to think of the consequences of his choice of cutting Aaron out of his life.

 

Instantly everything seemed impossible; friendship, sex or even true love, it all seemed impossible. He wondered if Aaron would even want to see him, let alone let him through his door. He also realised that even if Aaron was in love with him, he did not know after all these years how he would feel about Aaron. He suddenly wondered if this whole decision had been pointless.

 

“At least Mrs Carter was genuinely pleased to hear from me. In her happy, smiling voice, she said they missed me very much,” he’d thought, as the taxi cruised along.

 

Regardless, Logan knew Aaron’s mother’s words did not mean that Aaron would still want to know him. He looked out the window as they crossed the enormous bridge and he stared at the north side of a city he knew so well, before a voice pulled him back into the moment.

 

The driver began talking to Logan, abruptly shifting his thoughts. He asked where he was returning from and in minutes Logan was telling him about his travels. For nearly forty minutes they had talked, placing Logan in some neutral territory until finally, he stood hesitantly on the nature strip outside of Aaron’s new home.

 

Logan blinked as his mind snapped back and his consciousness returned to the present. Once again in the moment in the living room, still his thoughts continued. He knew he was intensely attracted to Aaron but he thought the only absolute truth was that he really loved Aaron as a friend and he was so happy to see him and to be with him again. He then considered a feeling he had been feeling all day. Maybe it was a sixth sense or maybe it was just what the psychic had said, however, Logan thought that Aaron’s feelings for him seemed to be even more than he remembered them to be.

 

Considering easily, he could not help but notice that over the hours while they sat together talking, his own feelings were growing with every word, every joke and every smile. He thought it was the oddest thing but he could actually feel it in a tangible way. He knew he was feeling more for and closer to Aaron than he thought he ever had.

 

As these thoughts revealed his feelings, a distinct knowledge told him this was beyond what he had felt as a boy. It was an adult knowledge of adult feelings and of how important Aaron was to him.

 

As the previous hours had continued to pass, Logan had discovered he was looking at Aaron and recognising physical attraction and sexual desires were a part of the growing equation. There was a connection in recollection to the resemblance of what he had long ago run away from. However, there was also the realisation that these new feelings were not the feelings of an adolescent boy.

 

Logan knew these were sexually inclined feelings and thoughts, which were positioned squarely on a powerful, emotional foundation. These thoughts were pushing Logan to act and though he did not know if it was the right thing to do, simply because of his fear of destroying twenty years of friendship, he decided right at that moment because of the depth of his emotions, it was definitely worth finding out. He needed the truth and he needed something real. He thought his experience with men was limited but he also thought that if there were anyone he knew who could come close to giving him what he needed, it would be Aaron.

 

Logan knew he did not want the fear of intensity that Lincoln gave him as a final gift. It actually was a gift because it had led him back to Aaron. If Lincoln had not reacted the way he did, Logan knew he would still be overseas, probably in Los Angeles with Lincoln and his relationship with Aaron would not be evolving right in front of his eyes.

 

“Man that feels so much better,” Aaron said regarding his shower, as he walked from the hallway, through the living room and directly toward the kitchen.

 

Logan watched him pass through the room, noticing immediately that apart from the fresh and clean look of a body after a shower, Aaron was still only wearing briefs. Now, though, they were clean briefs with a strictly sky blue colour. New or fresh briefs always hugged that little bit tighter, defining and displaying a man’s lower regions in a way that captured the imagination even more.

 

Immediately, Logan’s mind realised yet another thing, a curiosity, which he had been noticing all day. Now, in particular, it had been brought to the forefront of his mind because of his emerging feelings and also from the sight of Aaron returning from the bathroom. It occurred to Logan that Aaron had not put on any clothes since he arrived. Aaron had been wearing briefs all day. It was not a problem for Logan, in fact, far from it. He had and was enjoying looking at Aaron. Still, he wondered if Aaron were trying to attract him. Whether he was or not, it was working. His eyes had been coveting Aaron since he first opened the front door.

 

Once again Logan thought that this new Aaron was a very good-looking, young man. He thought he was even more attractive than when he left Australia. Aaron’s body had really filled out and he looked so solid and strong. Logan thought that Aaron was hot. He may have been a couple of centimetres taller than Aaron but Aaron was bigger in every other way. A big and muscular body would give him something to really wrap his arms and body around. Logan thought, “You’re so damned hot and you look so damned delicious.”

 

As Logan watched the firm and tight arse disappear into the kitchen, another thing he recalled noticing was that his friend kept getting a semi while seated in front of him on the lounge. Aaron kept placing a cushion on his lap and then leaning forward with his arms on top of it to cover the existence of the constant, changing state of his cock. It suggested to Logan with a fair degree of certainty, Aaron was both interested and gay but still it was not absolute proof and nor was it proof of love.

 

It was that thought of Aaron with an erection, which right at that moment instigated Logan’s recollection of a letter that Aaron had sent to him in Italy. He had received it not long before he began really travelling throughout Europe. In the letter, Aaron had told him something, which Logan had initially assumed was a joke. Aaron had written that he had given his cock a name. Logan laughed quietly; unlike the loud Kookaburra laugh he had expressed in Italy, when he had become aware of the name, Pointer.

 

Logan stretched his entire body in all directions. He had been sitting for so long that even though he had been wandering around for the last ten minutes, he felt like all his muscles and joints were seizing up. As he stretched, a brief thought crossed his mind, a way to test Aaron without saying a word. He reached for the seam of his t-shirt and he dragged it up his body, over his head and then threw the shirt onto one of the single seat lounges that had been unused. He looked down at his smooth, tanned and defined chest and then tweaked his nipples to make them more outstanding. He adjusted his track pants and shook his cock to make the blood flow, thereby thickening his flaccid member and therefore making its presence more obvious. He ran his fingers through his hair, hoping he looked as good as he could under the circumstances. At that moment he wanted to be as sexually attractive for Aaron, as he thought he could make himself.

 

Immediately following, Logan called toward the kitchen, “Aaron?”

 

With barely a pause between, Aaron called back, “Yeah?”

 

“Do you remember what you wrote to me in the second to last letter you sent me? It was when I was in Italy.”

 

“Logan, you’re talking about four years ago. I doubt I could remember the actual letter, let alone some detail from it. You’re going to have to be more specific,” Aaron said as he walked out of the kitchen casually but stopped dead in his tracks, as he stared at Logan’s shirtless body.

 

“It was something to do with a name,” Logan said enigmatically while pleased to see the way Aaron’s eyes consumed him.

 

Aaron stood still for a moment, gazing at Logan’s changed, physical appearance. Momentarily he fought and failed to avert his eyes from the never before seen adult man’s naked shoulders, chest and stomach, with the hard, rippling abdominal muscles framed by an extremely curved waist. He glanced at the hard nipples and then finally forced his eyes to return to Logan’s eyes. Aaron suddenly was receiving confirmation that Logan was definitely no longer a boy. He purposely subdued his surprise at seeing the smooth, brown skin, so flushed and vital, which made him want to move closer and touch the flesh.

 

Pulling his mind back to the question with difficulty, as his eyes drifted up toward the ceiling to think and try to remember, almost immediately his face showed nothing more than a blank expression.

 

“Still no idea what you’re talking about,” he said and walked until he was standing in front of Logan. His eyes dropped down when he caught sight of the outline of Logan’s flaccid, cut cock, pressing against the polyester-like, light blue material of the track pants.

 

Logan noticed his eyes immediately and he smiled. It turned him on that Aaron was looking at the bulge of his package within his pants. With a purposeful intent, Logan clenched his muscles, forcing his cock to shift, pushing it against the material.

 

Aaron saw it jump and thinking he had been caught in the act of checking out his friends cock, he looked up but Logan was nonreactive and pretended he had not noticed. Instead, Logan extended his hand and flicked the tips of two fingers lightly over Aaron’s bulge in his briefs.

 

Casually with a chuckle, Logan asked,  “How’s Pointer doing these days?”

 

Slightly embarrassed by the unexpected question, Aaron asked, “Shit, you remember that?”

 

“Ary, don’t be embarrassed or get freaked out. It was what you told me in the letter and you didn’t seem to have a problem with it back then. Anyway, how could I forget? It made me laugh but then I thought it was a great name for a cock.”

 

Even though he knew most people might think it was a little odd, Aaron was pleased that Logan was in agreement and he asked, “Really?”

 

“Yeah, absolutely I do,” Logan replied.

 

“Well, if you’re looking for a name for yours, Logan, I already have one for you,” Aaron said.

 

Logan was surprised by the knowledge but he felt a sense of pleasure that Aaron had considered him in a way that was somewhat intimate in nature.

 

“I like that you thought about and named my cock, Aaron. Impress me, what is it?”

 

“Compass,” Aaron replied with an uncertain pride.

 

“Why Compass?”

 

“Well because it’s been all over the globe and fucked like a Trojan in every port. I don’t know that it would be a moral compass but directional, of that I have no doubt,” Aaron said and Logan immediately joined in with Aaron’s laughter.

 

With a change in tone that was suddenly serious, Logan said, “I like it, it’s clever and appropriate but Ary, Compass led me back to you, so maybe it is a moral compass after all?”

 

There was a millisecond of blankness in Aaron’s expression, before his eyes became studious. He stared at Logan hard. He was not sure if he had heard what he thought he heard. He did not doubt his feeling that by being so agreeable, Logan was investing an emotional importance of his significance in Logan’s life. However, he thought that if he had heard the words correctly, then literally it did not seem right. He wondered if he were just wishing like he always had in regard to Logan. He also wondered if he was just hoping there was more between the lines. He thought that Logan could not have meant it the way it sounded because it held a gay connotation. That was impossible where Logan was concerned because his friend was a straight, pussy whore, after all.

 

Logan was staring back into Aaron’s eyes deeply and all that Aaron could think was he had never seen Logan bestow such a personal, sincere and gentle look in his direction. It was yet another display of his significance to Logan. Aaron thought Logan’s face looked so incredibly handsome.

 

The reason Logan was looking at Aaron that way, was because he was thinking he needed to follow Reece’s instructions and do what he had to so he could finally know the truth. Still he was uncertain of how and where to start.

 

The thought that Logan was handsome, suddenly in that moment, evolved into something more. Aaron’s feelings were screaming at him but his brain’s ability to translate feelings came back to him as a type of awareness, not only in his mind but also throughout his being. Aaron felt the surge of love in his heart for his friend. Instantly, though, he became completely aware of how much he wanted to feast on Logan’s body. Suddenly he was not just thinking random thoughts or feeling random feelings, suddenly everything about Logan became perfection and it was palpable. He adored him, he loved him and he wanted him to a degree he had never wanted him before.

 

Unexpectedly, though it should not have been unexpected, Aaron suddenly felt his chest tighten and his breath catch when to his horror, Pointer reacted immediately. Aaron’s face was brown but still the flush of embarrassed blood was heating his cheeks. He could feel it so intensely and it made him wish he could just vanish or die, particularly when he saw Logan look down.

 

Aaron could feel Pointer getting thicker and harder and none of his militant orders for Pointer to stand down, were stopping his briefs from lifting away from his body. In the few seconds of this occurrence, which to Aaron seemed like an eternity, all he could think of in response was an instant retreat.

 

Aaron turned away. He believed such an obvious display of desire could turn into something bad and end his friendship with Logan. He could not bare the thought and he could not look Logan in the eyes. He was practically waiting for Logan to say something like, “What the fuck, Aaron, are you a fucking fag or what?”

 

Logan’s hand caught Aaron’s arm around the bicep when he turned. He pulled him firmly, swinging Aaron back around. At the same time, Logan took a step closer and suddenly their bodies collided gently. He wrapped his arms around Aaron and held him locked in a firm embrace.

 

Aaron instantly felt discomfort and confusion merging inside of him. This reaction was understandable but the intensity was blowing out of proportion. He was trying to break free of Logan’s hold on him while asking, “What are you doing?”

 

The feeling of Logan’s naked chest on his and the feeling of Logan’s arms around him and holding him firmly, was already sending Aaron’s mind into a spin. It was a fantasy come true, it was a sensual delicacy and suddenly, it was becoming so overwhelming that he felt like his mind had a secret off-switch, which apparently someone had flicked. He could barely think and all his rational reasoning was drifting away into some chaotic state of mind.

 

Logan’s actions had been so spontaneous that he had not even known he was going to do what he did. His eyes were serious yet soft, as he looked into Aaron’s eyes deeply. What Logan saw in Aaron’s eyes was not enjoyment. For a moment he worried that the psychic had been wrong and that now he was also wrong. In addition, though, Logan knew with certainty that he did not want to release the hold he had on Aaron. He did not know exactly what to say or what to do in that moment, however, before he even tried to think about it, he leaned forward and he kissed his best friend.

 

Aaron’s eyes were wide and getting wider, as he saw Logan’s lips moving towards his. It only took a second but in moments of such extraordinary developments, it occurred like a slow motion replay. His brain stopped thinking, his fear increased but so too did his desire.

 

Pointer was rock hard immediately, as Logan’s lips pressed against Aaron’s. It was also at that moment that Aaron noticed that Logan was hard as well. Compass and Pointer were now in a pressure clasp and then Logan’s tongue entered Aaron’s mouth. Aaron’s body began to weaken and he felt like his whole skeleton was turning to mush.

 

Logan felt Aaron dissolving against him and his arms tightened around him to keep him upright. It was a confirmation of how Aaron felt and it made Logan feel more confident and certain of himself. Logan’s kiss intensified, his embrace tightened and soon enough the instinctual male actions of touching and writhing, consumed both men unconsciously.

 

Suddenly, as well as unexpectedly, Logan felt his own heart begin to pound. It felt like his chest was getting bigger, expanding like it was going to explode. He felt a hunger in his stomach that suggested he had not eaten in days. His mind joined the party of the collage of his feelings, when he thought he was thirteen again and feeling those intense feelings from that long-ago night. Then, out of the blue, the silent words screamed at him, “I’m in love with Aaron.”

 

The heat between them both continued to rise but it was the sudden moans from Aaron that filled their mouths, which was the final signature that Logan needed. He then partially pulled away.

 

Aaron’s eyes had been closed from the moment his instincts took over, however, as he opened them in response to what seemed like a harsh removal of his greatest desire, he saw the warmth and emotion looking back at him.

 

Sight seemed to make this reality more tangible and even though their bodies were still pressed from feet to stomach and their arms were still around each other, Logan’s back was arched to put some space between their faces. It forced Aaron to look him in the eyes. After all the years of vain hope and hidden desperate desire, it was confusion and disbelief that filled Aaron’s eyes as he stared back.

 

There were moments when it seemed like time had stopped. Both men were simply gazing into each other’s eyes. When the gush of the truth of his love flooded his heart, mind and body, Aaron was suddenly looking at what to him had become the most divine and flawless face in history. He thought he was going to implode and disappear.

 

The volume of his senses, as a consequence of a dream in his arms, had just turned up to some fantastical level. As his past and present thoughts and feelings merged, he felt like those feelings were sucking him inside of his mind or heart, with all the power of a black hole.

 

At the same time, Logan watched as the familiarity of a boy, suddenly began to dissolve into the face of an incredibly, hot man. His boyhood brother was now his adulthood brother but he was also a delicious stranger he knew beyond doubt, he was going to give himself to completely.

 

Aaron discovered himself wishing for Logan’s kiss again. He wanted Logan to wrap around him, bind him like a spider spinning its web around its prey and then to devour him, swallow him whole, so he could exist within not only his body but side by side with his soul.

 

Logan could feel the emotion building within his chest or heart or wherever it existed. It felt like a prison that momentarily scared him, however, the prison also felt like it contained an option of ultimate freedom. He did not understand or relate to this experience but in spite of the fear to run, more so, he felt an all-encompassing fear of letting this man slip away. He knew he had to hold on like Reece had told him to and if possible, to never let him go.

 

Logan could see uncertainty not just in Aaron’s eyes but completely rewriting the expression on his face. He knew that Aaron could not fathom what was happening and that from Aaron’s perspective it would not make any sense. Logan lifted his right hand and placed his palm against the side of Aaron’s jaw. His fingers slid beneath his hair and around his neck but his thumb caressed softly back and forth over his cheek. Aaron slightly flinched initially but then his eyes began to soften.

 

Aaron was on a swing, rushing forward and then rocketing backward. How he wanted this reality and yet how he feared the implausibility. He was falling deeper but still he could not accept what was happening.

 

Shattering the silence like breaking glass at night but also crushing Aaron’s fantasy with reality by confirming he was awake, Logan spoke.

 

“I saw the photo in the bedroom, Ary. Do you remember the day it was taken?”

 

Not expecting the question and without thought, Aaron asked, “What?”

 

Aaron’s mind began working a moment later. He processed what Logan had asked and then he thought it seemed that a photo from years ago and what had occurred moments before, seemed about as disparate as him falling in love with a woman. Knowing he had to answer, he said, “Of course,” although his eyes changed to display that he had no idea what was going on or what the fuck Logan was talking about.

 

Filled with hope as he smiled at Aaron’s endearing confusion, Logan asked, “Do you remember why we were laughing?”

 

“Yes, of course,” Aaron said while even more confused.

 

“I lied to you that day,” Logan said.

 

Not really concerned by the admission, considering he felt like nothing seemed real or right, Aaron asked as an automatic reply to the question, “About what?”

 

“About the fact that I wasn’t gay.”

 

Aaron’s whole body straightened with a jerk and then with an expression of confused disbelief, he said, “What?”

 

“Ary, do you love me?”

 

“Of course I do,” he replied matter-of-factly.

 

“No, Ary. What I meant was, are you in love with me?”

 

Aaron could not answer. He was stunned. He stared at Logan incapable of understanding the situation he was in. He could not believe what had happened and now he was confronted by this new admission. Confused, the simple task of comprehending the reality of the words that Logan had joined together to form a sentence, had been denied him. He could not reason, he did not believe the information his senses had sent to his brain and he did not believe any of whatever this was, could be real. He even began to deny that the kiss had even happened. He knew he wanted it all to be real but he actually thought he must be asleep and dreaming. Everything seemed impossible to accept.

 

Completely uncharacteristically, Aaron felt his blood begin to boil and then with an infuriated tone he asked, “What the fuck’s going on?”

 

“Ary, I know you’re surprised but please answer my question,” Logan said.

 

Angrily, Aaron said, “Surprised? I’m not fucking surprised, I’m fucking astonished. What sort of bad game do you think you’re playing here?”

 

“Ary…”

 

“Stop calling me Ary. I’m not a little boy and this isn’t some childhood game you’re playing. Stop trying to fuck with my head, Logan.”

 

“Settle down and stop getting angry and yelling at me. I’m not playing a game with you and I’m definitely not trying to fuck with your head. Shit, Ary, stop thinking so much and just listen to what I’m saying and answer my question. Ary, are you in love with me?”

 

Aaron could have been mistaken for a statue at that moment, except that he was opening his mouth to speak but then closing it to stop the words he had for so long been afraid to say. His eyes were looking at Logan searchingly, as if he were trying to discover if he was attempting to trick him.

 

Logan lifted his hand and gripped the back of Aaron’s neck and pulled their lips together again. Logan kissed him deeply and he wrapped his other arm around him and held him like he would never let him go. He explored Aaron’s mouth with his tongue until finally, Aaron’s attempts to pull away subsided and then both of Aaron’s arms encircled Logan.

 

As years of desires were instantly released, Aaron’s kiss became dominant. His hands and fingers began to caress Logan’s naked back and his sounds of emotion and passion began to fill Logan’s mouth.

 

Logan was practically ready to throw Aaron on the lounge and begin something he knew he would be unable to stop. Aaron’s kiss and touch was driving him insane with desire and the way Aaron was becoming so desperate, Logan thought he had his answer. Still, he wanted to hear those words and he wanted to know beyond any shadow of a doubt. He gripped Aaron’s shoulders and he pushed them apart.

 

Again Logan asked, “Ary, are you in love with me?

 

“More than anything or anyone in the world,” Aaron replied.

 

Logan finally knew, on both parts, it was true.

 

Aaron lunged forward like he was a spirit trying to pass through Logan’s body. They tightened their holds on each other but Logan lost his balance as Aaron’s weight thrust against him. Suddenly he was falling backwards onto the lounge. Logan landed on his back with Aaron prostrate on top of him. Aaron’s tongue was back in Logan’s mouth a second later and both Pointer and Compass were grinding together, as both men moaned and groaned in unison.

 

The lust and the need could not have been more evident. They held so tightly to each other, as if there were fear that if they let go, it would all just stop and vanish from reality. Such an occurrence was the last thing either man wanted but because this was the beginning, there was so much more that both men wanted as well.

 

There was also so much that both men wanted to say. Logan wanted to explain all the years of separation and to tell Aaron that he had loved him for as long as he could remember. Aaron wanted to tell Logan that his single kiss had brought him back to life and that now he understood the concept of euphoria. However, despite their truths and also the importance of those truths, their kiss and the meanings being expressed through their actions, at least for the time being, was all that needed to be said.

 

To be continued...