Chapter 7 

Finally.

 

For somewhere between ten and fifteen minutes, two sets of lips pressed and slid and brushed with variant pressures. Two tongues duelled and licked and swirled, reaching to taste and delve deeper into another man. Four hands stroked, caressed, scratched and squeezed and every now and then, four arms would encircle and crush in some seemingly futile attempt, to imprison the other from possible escape. Chests and nipples rubbed both softly and harshly in exceptional sensuality and all while two tensile rods of fleshy rigidity, separated by flimsy materials, were bound in individual quests to dominate the other.

 

Within that brief period of time on the lounge, even though no words were spoken, every appropriate emotion, which could have been uttered, written, felt or thought, wrapped like a summer breeze around them. There was the hunger of lust, the fever of passion, the fantasy of imagination and also the consuming desire to dive into wild, incessant sex. However, it was the most prominent emotion of true love that they bathed in, which saw no rush and instead intensified the moments. Rather than submit to the standard of impatience and desperateness, they kissed and breathed each other in, exploring the years of yearning through a tactile journey of bodies, through dreams made real in their minds and also through the suffocating nature of the ethereal heart.

 

Though sex would have been the most expected and likely occurrence in keeping with the natural order, as the two men remained on the lounge within their heavy petting and passionate kiss, what immediately followed was not sex at all.

 

During those seemingly eternal moments, it was Aaron and not Logan who became the obstruction. Even though Aaron’s mind was ablaze with wanton desire, suddenly a single thought occurred to him, which led to a group of associated thoughts. He knew Logan had fundamentally said he was gay and he also knew Logan had asked him that unbelievable question. However, as Logan’s hands caressed Aaron’s body and Logan’s tongue fluttered as it pressed against Aaron’s tongue, Aaron’s mind was suddenly racing between his raw perception of the interaction of his dream come true, with those opposing, damnable, random thoughts that interfered.

 

“He didn’t say it back. He didn’t tell me he was in love with me. I don’t know how he knew I was in love with him or what that knowledge means to him. Now that I know he’s gay, it opens limitless possibilities but maybe what I want and need from Logan, is the last thing on his mind. Maybe Logan just wants a fuck. Maybe that’s all I would be to him. I can do that, I guess?”

 

It was hard for Aaron to believe that while having the man of his dreams beneath him, kissing him and grinding his hard cock against him, he was still thinking all of these thoughts. If he had ever truly believed this would become a reality and not just a fantasy, then drowning these consuming moments in human, insecure thoughts, would have been the last thing he ever would have suspected. However, irrespective of how much he loved and wanted Logan, his overriding thought was a choice of either denial or accepting less than what he really wanted.

 

Aaron knew he could have sex with Logan with ease. His doubt, though, was found in knowing he wanted more than sex. Since Logan had been gone, Aaron had been getting down with random guys for years. Sex was simple enough for him but in the passage of this day, with Logan back in his life, Aaron now knew that his random hook-ups had been insignificant acts of tension relief. He had always hoped that what was actually happening with Logan now, would accompany love and a relationship. He had always wanted those things to eventually be what would happen instead of random sex. Still, he really was not sure what Logan was offering or expecting.

 

Aaron had always thought that Logan could never love him the way he loved Logan. Even though everything appeared to have changed, he still did not know enough to alter that attitude. He therefore thought that if he maintained his acceptance of this belief, than maybe he would be to Logan what all those men had been to him. It would be enjoyable and satisfy Logan’s needs but if Logan were anything like him, it would also mean little to nothing at all to Logan. That final consideration filled Aaron with hesitation.

 

“Maybe I can’t do this after all? It would be like being fed gravy without the meal,” he thought.

 

Aaron’s arms tightened around Logan’s body and he felt the smoothness of Logan’s skin. He deepened his kiss and though he knew he did not want what was happening to stop, still his mind would not stop.

 

“I don’t want to let him go now that I’ve finally got him but can I mean nothing to him so he can be everything to me?”

 

Aaron pushed the material-covered hardness of his thick, circumcised cock against Logan’s cock and Logan groaned and pushed back. Aaron sighed into Logan’s mouth as Logan’s fingernails scraped down his back.

 

“I am so unbelievably in love with this man. Fuck! What should I do?”

 

This questioning thought was posed within Aaron’s mind, as if there were another person inside his head, who might hold some wise answer to alter the decided leaning of his soul. When he received no reply he dismissed his own desires and he rolled off Logan’s body and on to his side beside him.

 

Logan was shocked by the abrupt halt in proceedings. He twisted, turning onto his side so he was facing Aaron and said, “Ary, what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s going on here, Logan?”

 

“I thought that was pretty obvious, Aaron,” he replied and chuckled.

 

Repeating with elaboration he asked, “Logan, what exactly is going on here?”

 

“I want you, Ary.”

 

“Yeah, so it seems. Shit…” he said and paused, “…what, I mean why? I mean, Logan, none of this makes sense to me. I need to know, I mean I need to hear you say…” he paused again, as he thought he had no right to make demands, “Logan, can you please explain why you’re back and why you’re here with me now?”

 

“Oh,” Logan said, unprepared for the question, before he paused to consider his response.

 

Hearing the gap of silence that followed his question, Aaron thought he had put too much pressure on Logan and so he said, “I’m just not sure and I don’t understand.”

 

“It’s okay, Ary. I understand. Man, how do I explain all of this to you? I guess, Ary, I should start by saying I’ve probably always been gay. I didn’t really know until I was thirteen. The magnitude of what it meant, well, I didn’t fully understand what it meant back then but still it really scared me,” Logan began.

 

“I think it probably scares most of us,” Aaron replied.

 

“Ary, do you remember about ten years ago there was that story about a teenager named Scott something or other. He was gay and he got really badly bashed?”

 

“Yeah, of course I do. His parents wouldn’t allow him to be taken off life support but when they finally did, he died almost immediately.”

 

“Yeah, right. Well, I heard about that when I started to realise I was gay and I was scared something like that would happen to me. I thought that if I told anyone, everything would turn to shit. I also couldn’t stand the fact that I might lose you and your parents. Anyway, I decided I didn’t want to be gay and so I forced myself to be straight. Somehow I managed to do it and I pushed it so far down inside of me that eventually even I began to believe it.”

 

“You never would have lost my parents or me, Logan. You always were and always will be part of our family.”

 

“Easy to say now, Ary. What if you hadn’t been gay? Maybe you would have been a homophobic, gay basher? Not that I believe that but still,” Logan said.

 

“I understand,” Aaron replied.

 

“The problem, Ary, was there was a very special someone that made me realise I was gay and that person interfered with the feelings I was trying to suppress,” Logan said, thinking Aaron would get the association immediately. “I had to do something and so though I didn’t know it at the time, I became obsessed with sex and picking up women. For years you’ve been referring to me as a pussy whore and though I guess in a way it became true, it was the only way I could lay concrete on top of the ruins, if you get my drift.”

 

Aaron nodded agreeably, although, he was already feeling very unhappy and becoming angry. He was not an angry man by nature, far from it, in fact. However, this was the second time within the last twenty to thirty minutes that this specific emotion had surfaced. He had not considered that well over a decade of love and obsession had been padlocked inside of him. During the silent and sensual moments of reverie, he had begun to believe there was a chance. Now, following a few words, he wondered if the love was one-sided. Was his dream never going to happen because there was someone else that Logan loved? It was simply devastating and as his heart sunk like an ancient, torpedoed warship, the anger came naturally. What he did not know was it was psychological. Aaron’s anger was not really directed at Logan; the truth was Aaron was angry at his heart and himself.

 

“It became easier and as I grew up it seemed to become even easier but every now and then the thoughts would push through. It was hard because of you and what I believed you needed me to be. You see I thought you were straight and I thought you expected me to always remain the façade I’d created. You were like my brother and so you were the last person I wanted to disappoint or to have get angry with me or push me away.”

 

“Logan, I would never have pushed you away.”

 

“Again that’s easy to say now that we’re not teenagers. Anyway, we got older, we left school and then finally I saw a way or at least I thought I saw a way that I could put it all to rest. I thought that if I left, then the temptation would be removed. When I told you I was going overseas for three months, I knew I had no plans on coming back,” Logan said.

 

“What? How could you do that to me?”

 

“Ary, I’m sorry and I know what a prick that makes me but it was the only alternative I could see that would set me free. For years while I was gone I fucked every nationality of women I could get my hands on. I lived up to the reputation you’ve had of me since we were fifteen. I thought I was right and that I’d killed what was inside of me. I really believed if I stayed away I’d be okay. I was an idiot,” Logan said and lowered his eyes in guilt.

 

Aaron was listening intently and he understood everything Logan was saying. He even understood how Logan had been so frightened as a boy. For a long time Aaron had been terrified of coming out as well. Still, Aaron did not really understand an overwhelming psychology that would make someone want to avoid being gay forever. Even so, he felt sure that all gay people reacted to their sexuality differently. Irrespective, there was one thing that had Aaron’s curiosity at a fever pitch. It bugged him that he did not know who the guy had been that Logan had run away from. Aaron was now as envious as all hell that some guy had been the benefactor of Logan’s affections and maybe even his lips, body and cock.

 

“So anyway, four years after I left, I was in Canada and something happened. I won’t go into all the details but suffice to say I got stoned out of my mind and a man seduced me. Without all of my controls and rationales, the drugs and alcohol left me uninhibited and I found myself swimming out into the ocean with no fear of sharks.”

 

Despite his frustration, Aaron laughed and said, “Interesting metaphor but go on.”

 

“Aaron, I need you to understand that even though on some very deep level I always knew I was gay, still I had really done a number on myself. I was determined I wasn’t going to be gay and I had even come to believe that I wasn’t gay and then suddenly that happened. Even though I let it happen twice and I knew down deep it felt right and I wanted it, still I denied it. Years of self-imposed denial had taken it’s toll on me and I refused to give in to a truth confirmed by a hook-up with a forty year old, Turkish, gay man. After all, he held no importance or real meaning in my heart or my life,” Logan explained further.

 

Aaron now felt even more angry and envious. Irrespective that he had just been all but naked with Logan and that he had made a decision and stopped what could have been, still he felt jealous and unworthy. Some older man that Logan did not care about had also had sex with him while he was overseas. Aaron felt like everyone in the world was allowed to be intimate with Logan and it made Aaron question the importance Logan placed on sex with him. He wanted to scream.

 

“Am I nothing more than a grain of sand in Logan’s own personal desert?”

 

“So what happened and what did you do?” Aaron asked, incredibly maintaining his decorum.

 

“I was certain yet confused and I couldn’t bring myself to admit and choose to change and so I fell into a hole of some description. I didn’t want to pick up women and I was afraid to pick up a man and so I just stopped dead, even though I was still existing from day to day,” Logan explained.

 

Aaron thought about how only hours ago in the kitchen, he had realised he had done the same thing after Logan left. He was living but he was like a zombie just going about business day after day.

 

“Shit,” Aaron said as he realised.

 

“What?” Logan asked.

 

“It’s nothing, I just relate in a way but it’s not important. Continue,” Aaron replied.

 

“I knew I was losing a battle I had been so determined not to lose and so I left Canada so I wouldn’t have to think about it. That’s when I went to Los Angeles. I went to stay with a guy I’d travelled with years ago but from the time I arrived my entire façade broke into pieces. I found out he was gay as well and to cut a very long story short, we started fucking like there was nothing more in life. It was because of him that I admitted who I really was and what I really wanted. The problem was that what I wanted, didn’t coincide with what he wanted and it was then that I realised the whole fuck-up I had created and why. A couple of days later, I knew in a moment of realisation that though I wanted to travel and to see the things I was seeing, the only real reason I was travelling was to stay away from Australia, to avoid the man I loved and to continue to deny my sexuality,” Logan admitted and smiled, thinking that Aaron would now finally understand.

 

Once again Aaron thought he was ready to explode in anger but something else was also bothering him and so he asked, “Why did you cut contact with me?”

 

“I’m so sorry for that, Ary. I’ve been so guilty about how I treated you. I just couldn’t admit it and you were the only person that was interfering with my stubborn denial. I would have done and said anything to continue the delusional path I was walking. I hate myself for hurting you like I did,” Logan said.

 

“Well, at least you’ve admitted it but don’t worry about it. I forgive you for that,” Aaron replied from an innate need to alleviate Logan’s discomfort.

 

“So, to finish off, once I was left stripped bare, I knew instantly I had to come back and see that man that I had run away from,” Logan said and smiled again.

 

“Logan, how and when did you know I was gay?”

 

“I knew beyond certainty today,” Logan replied.

 

“When did you know that I was in love with you?”

 

“Today, when I asked you and you said that you were.”

 

“But if you didn’t know, why would you ask?”

 

“Aaron, I’ll explain all of this in greater detail later but in brief, while I was in London, I saw a psychic and he told me you were gay and in love with me.”

 

Aaron’s eyes widened in shock but he said, “I have a million questions about that but they don’t matter because I’m just too irritated.”

 

Logan asked, completely confused, “Irritated about what?”

 

“Well, let me see if I can put this into some perspective for you. You go overseas and some psychic tells you I’m gay and that I’m in love with you. After whatever period of time, you then accept you’re gay and you come back to Australia to find some guy you were in love with in your teenage years…”

 

“Ary…”

 

Aaron’s voice was very angry and abrupt but filled with sarcasm and condescension when he said, “Don’t interrupt me, Logan. I’m getting on a roll here. So then, you come back to Sydney, come straight to me and with the knowledge I’m gay and in love with you, you decide it’s acceptable to move in with me, fuck me and then go and find your Mr Perfect, wherever he is. Is that about right, Logan? Does that about sum it up?”

 

“No, not quite,” Logan said with a grin before he chuckled.

 

Aaron’s jealousy was not that green-eyed monster type of jealousy. He did not want to possess Logan or lock him away or kill anyone that came near him. Like his anger, so his jealousy was psychological, as he felt that all the years, all the friendship and all the love could never be enough. He felt second rate to a multitude of women that did not matter, to a Turkish man that did not matter and once again, to an American man that did not matter. Now he felt like one more person that did not really matter to Logan. Apparently, there was only one man that mattered and it was killing Aaron inside.

 

Right there and then, though, Logan was laughing at him. Aaron felt like he was about to break because he knew he had never felt so hurt in his life. His face flushed crimson despite his tan and his anger was now off the scale.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare laugh at me or what I’m feeling, Logan. You can’t imagine what I feel right now, not that you would care. There’s nothing about this that’s funny, trust me, absolutely nothing,” Aaron said furiously.

 

“Actually there is something that’s, well, not funny but definitely amusing, however, in regard to summing up, there are two points or should I say two assumptions you made that are incorrect,” Logan said and smiled, as he felt the oddest warmth from the assumption that Aaron was jealous of him loving someone else.

 

Before Logan had the chance to continue, though, Aaron said condescendingly, “Oh really? Tell me, Logan, where did I get it wrong or was it just my wording. Should I have said you wanted to use me as opposed to fuck me while you go in search of whoever he is? And what was the other thing? Was it my use of the word perfect? Is he not perfect, Logan?”

 

“Ary, he’s perfect in my eyes and I’m absolutely certain right now that I’m crazy in love with him.”

 

Aaron began to lift his body off the lounge so he could stand up and rain down his wrath upon the man he loved. Logan had just stabbed him with the deepest blade. He wanted to scream and he wanted to hit Logan and most of all he wanted to be standing and looking down at him, when he told him to go and get his bags and fuckoff to Mr Perfect.

 

Logan swung his arm around Aaron’s waist and pulled him back as he started to lunge away. The moment Aaron’s back hit the lounge again, Logan rolled on top of him and pinned him beneath him.

 

“Get off me, you fucking using prick,” Aaron yelled.

 

“Not until you settle down, take a breath and listen to me instead of making wild assumptions.”

 

“Get – arrr – off,” he yelled.

 

“Ary, shut up, stop struggling and listen to me.”

 

Aaron stopped but only because he realised that Logan had him locked beneath him in a way he could not adjust his core and move. He stared up at him and if looks were daggers, Logan would have been dead.

 

Ironically, Logan found it quite endearing and he had to stop himself from laughing. Instead he said, “Ary, I’m sorry. Obviously I wasn’t clear in what I said to you. I made a stupid assumption that I thought was obvious but now I see that it wasn’t. Ary, the man I ran away from, the man that was my temptation and the man I came back to see, my perfect man as you put it, well, it was you, Ary. I’m in love with you, too.”

 

Like a chameleon stepping onto the moss-covered trunk of a tree and then swiftly changing its colours to suit its environment, so Aaron’s change of facial expression adjusted to comply to the knew piece of information he had received.

 

Logan wanted to burst into laughter once again but again he controlled himself. He watched jealous furore vanish in the first few seconds and then he watched the frustration of physical constraint fade, as Aaron’s body suddenly relaxed. He then watched the appearance of foolishness, followed by regret and then eventually satisfaction gradually transforming into love.

 

When the only response from Aaron was silence, Logan asked, “Well?”

 

With the most emotionless tone he could call upon, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge his blatant display of jealousy or even to apologise for jumping to conclusions and reacting the way he did, Aaron replied, “Well what?”

 

Logan released a gasp of disbelief. He was shaking his head with incredulity in response to the absolute gall, which was being directed toward him. Secretly however, he still found it somehow endearing.

 

“Is it your belief that I should ignore everything that just happened and pretend it was a figment of my imagination, just because you’re hot and you look delicious in nothing but those briefs, with, might I add, a rather enticingly thick package,” Logan asked humorously.

 

Realising he was getting away with it, Aaron replied as if he were blissfully ignorant, “What did I miss?”

 

“Are you actually going to pretend none of that happened?”

 

“None of what happened?

 

“You’re too much, Aaron Carter!”

 

“I hope that’s not true,” Aaron replied with the most innocent smile.

 

“Ary, if I let your adorable yet childish behaviour pass from this moment onward and also, if I promise to never mention it again, I will expect something in return,” Logan said.

 

Aaron responded with a salacious gaze.

 

Logan shook his head in disbelief again and said, “That’s rather presumptuous of you to think that was what I meant and let me just say, you’ve got a dirty mind.”

 

“I may have a dirty mind but you’ve got a very hard lance, which it seems is trying to puncture my nut sack,” Aaron replied.

 

“Purely coincidental,” Logan shot back and lifted his hips to adjust the placement of his erection.

 

“You always said you didn’t believe in coincidence,” Aaron countered.

 

“Maybe I’ve changed,” Logan said.

 

“Oh, as of this moment, I’ll stand in open court and testify to that,” Aaron said sarcastically.

 

“Enough with the jokes, Ary. I want to be serious.

 

“The stage is yours,” Aaron said.

 

“Ary, I want you.”

 

“Right here and now on this lounge?”

 

“Actually, no. I think, as I’m going to be sleeping in your bed with you, then I’d like to take you to your bed and make it mine,” Logan said.

 

“But, Logan, where would I take all of my lovers if you start sleeping in my bed?”

 

Logan’s mouth fell open in shock.

 

“Logan, I’m kidding. Say the magic words,” Aaron said as he smiled.

 

“I love you, Ary. Be mine!”

 

Aaron swore his heart stopped in his chest before it began pounding. A thought came rushing into his mind, a recollection of a movie he had once watched with Logan. Aaron had never truly understood Logan’s uncharacteristic, emotional reaction to a specific scene in the film. He had watched the scene countless times while Logan was gone and knew much of the dialogue by heart. Now, as he looked at Logan, he suddenly knew why and it made perfect sense. Aaron intensified his gaze as he looked into Logan’s eyes and quoted:

 

“All I know is I trust only you in this world. I’ve missed you! I need you! It is you I love, Hephaistion, no other.”

 

“Alexander, you’re everything I care for and by the sweet breath of Aphrodite, I’m so jealous of losing you to this world you want so badly.”

 

“You’ll never lose me, Hephaistion. I’ll be with you, always. Till the end.”

 

Aaron looked at Logan’s shocked expression after he quoted the films dialogue and then he said, “Alexander’s true love was Hephaistion and they loved each other with every breath and amidst every battle. Logan, you are my Alexander and I dream of being your Hephaistion. Logan, you’re the love of my life and I want nothing more than to be the love of yours.”

 

Logan’s mouth, yet again, fell open. He could not believe what Aaron had said. The portrayed love of Colin Farrell and Jared Leto as Alexander and Hephaistion had always been powerfully imprinted within Logan’s psyche. The night scene on the balcony in Babylon after the Greeks defeated the Persians, where the men had declared their love; these were the words, the silent truths, which Logan had believed would remain imprisoned in him forever. Now, those ideal words had come back to him, direct from the mouth and heart of his first and only love.

 

“Ary,” Logan said as he looked into his eyes, “you already are.”

 

Aaron swallowed the sudden boulder in his throat, as he heard the return declaration of love. Logan smiled and then lifted his body away from Aaron’s and then he stood up and looked down at him. He smiled again and stretched out his hand, offering it to Aaron. Slowly Aaron raised his hand and placed it into the open palm. Logan pulled firmly and Aaron lifted his body away from the lounge. The moment Aaron was on his feet, Logan began to walk, guiding Aaron around the lounge and then toward the hallway, with no other intention than the bedroom.

 

When they entered the room, they stood facing each other beside the bed and just stared into each other’s eyes. Though it was not said, both men found this occurrence almost impossible to believe. They both needed each other like they needed oxygen but it still seemed incomprehensible that the figurative air existed to breathe.

 

After some minutes of silence and without touch, it was Aaron, though, who broke the stillness. He lifted his hands and slid his thumbs down his hips until they slipped beneath the seam of his briefs. He pushed them down until finally his thick column of meat snapped back and collided with his gut. His eyes did not falter, as he continued to stare into Logan’s eyes.

 

Logan’s eyes, however, did falter. He looked down at the thick and hard appendage that stood tall and still like an inculcate soldier, seemingly awaiting a command. Logan wanted to drop to his knees immediately but then his eyes returned to Aaron’s eyes and a moment later, Aaron took a single step forward.

 

A man’s hands pressed softly to Logan’s waist and then slid around to the front of his body and up over his chest. Thumbs swirled over hard nipples before caressing upward and over Logan’s shoulders and finally down behind his back. Logan inhaled deeply as the touching became an embrace but when he responded in kind and began to melt into the press of bodies, he suddenly felt Aaron pushing his track pants down. Seconds later, as the material slid down Logan’s legs, Aaron let him go and stepped back.

 

Aaron gave Logan a soft smile and then he lowered himself onto his bed. He lay across the width of the bed on his back and then he propped on his elbows and again he stared at the man he loved.

 

Logan stepped out of the material around his ankles, leaving it where it lay. He turned directly to the bed and stood looking down at the large and defined body of his best friend. Even now, he could still barely believe this was happening.

 

Aaron saw the hesitation and so this time it was him that lifted his hand and offered it to the love of his life. Logan reached out and took the hand and as Aaron gently lured, Logan put a knee on the mattress between Aaron’s legs and then slowly, he moved forward, as Aaron guided his approach.

 

Knees and palms to the bed, Logan’s body bridged over Aaron’s body, knowing what was soon to transpire. Logan looked down at Aaron lying beneath him. Aaron’s face was so handsome but the look in his eyes told Logan how much he loved him. Logan glanced down at the incredible breadth of Aaron’s shoulders. He loved the way the muscle and skin curved tight around the ball of the bone. He loved the slight dip before the large muscles of the upper arms continued down. He moved his eyes to take in the huge chest, two delicious, rolling waves of male muscle, tanned and smooth and appealing. He let his eyes move the final distance, bearing witness to the impressive, very thick and heavy nature of Aaron’s cock.

 

Logan thought, “Fuck, you’re so damned beautiful.”

 

There was no need for Logan to look at every part of Aaron’s body. He already harboured the idea he would visit every location, to touch and kiss every millimetre of flesh. Additionally that day, he had seen the huge thighs of a sprinter, the arcing calves of a cyclist and the thick forearms and large hands of a professional wrestler. Aaron’s feet, his stomach and his back, indeed every portion and measure of him was beautifully designed and captivating in Logan’s eyes. He thought he wanted to feast on Aaron forever but he also thought there was time.

 

Nonexistent was the feeling to rush. Logan just wanted to bathe in Aaron’s body like a hot, relaxing bath. He wanted to somehow submerge into Aaron in a like manner. Logan lowered his body down and sighed when he felt the initial touch of hard cock and smooth skin, as it made contact with his. He allowed his weight to lower the last few centimetres, their naked bodies finally together.

 

“Oh god, Ary,” he said, when he knew he had never felt this way before.

 

In that moment of full physical connection, Logan knew he was horny and wanted sex like he had wanted it with Aydin and Lincoln. The difference was his heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest like an alien from Sigourney Weaver’s, “Ripley.” The slide of their feet and legs, the crush and grind of their cocks and also the fusion of their chests and bodies; it all felt different because of the one added ingredient of love. Logan felt he was struggling to breathe.

 

Aaron’s arms lifted and the moment the tips of his fingers connected with Logan’s skin, the movement of his hands sped up. His fingers stretched and gripped, as his palms pushed down so he could touch his entire back. His hands moved up and down and left to right, touching and caressing until finally, he simply wrapped his arms around Logan and squeezed him tightly.

 

“Kiss me, oh fuck, please kiss me again,” Aaron pleaded.

 

“My lips are yours, Ary,” Logan said and their lips pressed, soft at first but when Logan slid his tongue into Aaron’s mouth, it seemed that someone threw petrol into a fire.

 

A second later and Logan rolled, as he gripped Aaron’s body tightly. The flames of their kiss flared deep into their bodies, before its heat released through their skin. Their arms tightened or loosened to squeeze or to touch. Their bodies fought a relentless battle to merge, to join or to become one. A single hand suddenly dismissed of its previous role, slid between their bodies like a sword between skin, desperate to find and crush Logan’s cock in its fist. Another hand reached down and clutched at one of the smooth cheeks of Aaron’s arse.

 

Lips so wet and glistening red, moved like Olympic skaters on ice, sliding or barely brushing, occasionally completely breaking free of the surface before crashing hard together. Salivating tongues of seeming starvation moved like snakes, only to lunge and reach for some imagined destination, as they fought in raw combat to master and prevail.

 

Bodies frozen in place during the kiss, suddenly amidst a cock-grinding duel, rolled unstoppably toward the end of the bed, as legs twisted and entwined until their movements halted with Aaron now on top.

 

Breaking the lock of their lips Aaron said, “I want you.”

 

Logan’s slid his other hand down Aaron’s back, his index finger passing firmly between the pillows of flesh, prodding for a moment on a pulsating prize. A moment later, continuing on, his hand moved between Aaron’s legs and Logan took the scrotum into his grasp. He pulled it backwards and held it firmly, his other hand pushing Aaron’s body down against his body, forcing his cock to crush against his own.

 

“Ary, I don’t have the words for how I feel.”

 

Aaron’s lips crashed onto Logan’s lips, as his head dropped fast to kiss Logan again. One hand moved up and slid between the bed and Logan’s head. As he kissed him harder, he unconsciously gripped Logan’s hair in his fist, pulling as he devoured Logan’s mouth.

 

Logan felt the initial burning pain, as his hair was pulled in needful desire. However, all the feelings combined; the hardness and stimulation of his cock, the hungry nature of his desire and particularly the feeling he was being suffocated by his own love for Aaron, numbed the pain into irrelevant white noise. In that experience, Logan thought he would accept anything that Aaron did to him.

 

Aaron rolled them again, kissing wantonly and then suddenly back in the middle of the bed, Logan was again on top. Logan’s hands began a new exploration, travelling over the side of a massive thigh while the other gripped a large bicep. He snaked his body to make his nipples rub over Aaron’s smooth chest and then he kissed him so hard that Aaron’s head was forced deep into the mattress.

 

During their last roll up the bed, Aaron’s cock had been freed from between their bodies. It was now standing upright and resting between Logan’s legs, the head in the crevice of Logan’s arse and right above the asterisks of gay, male love. Aaron reached down and with the tips of two fingers he pressed his cock, pushing it until the head hugged hard against Logan’s contracting sphincter. Aaron rolled his hips as his fingers held his cock in position, forcing his lubricated glans to paint the tightly clenched anus with his dripping juices.

 

Logan stiffened as the realisation hit home that Aaron wanted to enter him. He broke their kiss when he lifted his head, staring at that face and into those eyes. His initial disturbance, though, vanished instantly when he knew he would give Aaron anything he wanted.

 

Aaron saw the initial expression before it changed and he knew instantly that Logan had never been penetrated. He also knew that Logan had silently agreed. Aaron felt his heart swell with love, however, feeling like he could not ask Logan to assume a role without consideration, he stopped everything he was doing and looked at him.

 

“Logan, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even stop to think,” Aaron said.

 

“Ary, it’s okay. I guess I was locked into a sort of stereotyped idea of my being with a man. I penetrated both the men I’ve been with and I never considered the alternative.”

 

“Logan, it’s fine. “Even though I generally prefer to top, I’m versatile and so because I’m just happy to have you, I’ll do whatever needs to be done. All I know is I want you,” Aaron said.

 

“No, Ary. If you’re prepared to do it for me than I want to do it for you as well. Today in the kitchen I said that in love, partners should have equality and so I’m not going to be a hypocrite at the first hurdle,” Logan replied.

 

“It’s not hypocrisy, Logan. It’s taste and choice and personal preference.”

 

“Yeah, Ary, I understand but…” he trailed off, his face showing he did not know how to say what he wanted to say.

 

“Logan, if you want to try it you can but it doesn’t have to be right now and also, if you don’t like it when you do try it, I need you to know that it won’t change how I feel about you or how much I love and want you,” Aaron clarified.

 

“Ary, I appreciate that but I knew the moment after I reacted to the feeling of your cock, simply because it was yours, well, Ary, I want you inside of me and I want to feel you and to know you in every way. I also know that you want to be inside of me and I want to give you what you want,” Logan explained.

 

“You have no idea what that means to hear you say that to me but Logan, I need you to know that I want you to make love to me as well. So, if you’re absolutely sure it’s what you want?”

 

“It is, Ary, although, before we do that, I want to taste you in my mouth. It was one of my favourite experiences with a man.”

 

“Damn, Logan, if you like that as much as I do, then meat is all we’ll be eating for the rest of our lives,” Aaron said and chuckled.

 

“Ary, why would anyone want to be a vegetarian when they can feast on the most succulent of meats?”

 

“Oh, baby, you keep talking like that and I most definitely will become your ball and chain,” Aaron said.

 

Logan laughed at the additional reference to their talk in the kitchen hours ago and so he replied, “ As long as you cook me bacon and eggs in the morning?”

 

“You do the dishes and we have an agreement,” Aaron retorted and they both laughed loudly.

 

As their laughter faded, a moment later they were kissing like two men denied sex and love for their entire lives. Five minutes after that with both men knowing what was to follow, Logan was the first to begin a downward journey. The next thing Aaron knew with any degree of certainty, his mind was ablaze, his body was in rapture and his manhood was moments from what he knew would be the most spectacular ejaculation of his life.

 

Logan pulled off just for a moment and said, “Feed me, big boy” and then he devoured Aaron’s cock again.

 

The room was silent for just a moment and then Aaron gasped while saying, “Fuck me dead and raise me up, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh, oh, Logan…”

 

When Aaron’s mind began to function again, after Logan had given him the most exceptional, emotionally charged blowjob that only Logan could give, suddenly Logan’s lips were on Aaron’s lips again and within the kiss, Aaron could taste his own seed. Aaron had no problem with his own taste but his taste within Logan’s mouth, spreading like vapour from tongue to tongue, made him instantly hard again.

 

Aaron reacted immediately, throwing Logan onto his back and he dived onto the cock he had dreamt of for most of his life. Logan was not as thick and just a little shorter but still Aaron thought it was the most perfect cock he had ever seen. He took it straight to the back of his throat before sliding his lips up to the crest.

 

Logan remembered how he had thought that Aydin was incredible and also how he had thought he would probably compare everyone to Aydin from that night onward. To Logan’s great satisfaction, though, Aaron had him gasping for breath in minutes.

 

With an oral sensuality the likes of which Logan had never experienced, Aaron took him right to the edge but unexpectedly, he stopped and pulled away. His mouth then began pleasuring Logan’s scrotum, pressing his lips into the firm skin, sucking his nuts like chocolate covered balls of honeycomb and then finally, licking his entire sack. Although Logan felt desperately deprived by the loss of Aaron’s mouth from his cock, still he remained on-the-edge-hard, from the stimulation of his balls.

 

Following that never before received treatment, Logan became aware of Aaron creeping up his body. He then felt the weight of his large chest drop down and crush his cock, as Aaron began to lick his chest and suck on his nipples. At the same time, Aaron scraped the tips of his fingernails from armpits down to waist, before scraping upwards again. It was done with a motive of driving Logan crazy with desire and was repetitive, as Logan’s nipples also received a grand treatment. Soon the sensitivity of the combined actions was making Logan groan. Additionally, Aaron was purposely rubbing his crushing chest on Logan’s screaming cock. Logan began thinking he would lose his mind before he actually came.

 

Momentarily all sensation stopped and Logan opened his eyes and looked down. Aaron had returned to his position between Logan’s legs and as Logan looked at him, Aaron smiled and then leaned forward and ran the tip of his tongue over his scrotum and all the way up his stiff cock.

 

“Oh fuck, Ary,” Logan said amidst a gasp of breath, “kill me or drain me but please, I’m almost ready for a padded cell,” he pleaded.

 

“But Baby, you taste so good. You’re a banquet of pleasure for me,” Aaron said and snickered, almost with an evil tone.

 

Everything he said was true but Aaron was fully aware of what he was doing and he knew the next time he took Logan’s cock into his mouth, he was going to make Logan unleash like the fireworks over the Sydney Harbour Bridge on New Years Eve.

 

Logan had been moaning and groaning for twenty minutes but when he not only saw but also felt Aaron’s tongue licking upward from root to tip, as he stared mischievously into Logan’s eyes; Logan could have sworn he could feel the pre-ejaculate juices flowing through his urethra, moments before it began spilling from the pulsating head of his explosive cock.

 

“Oh fuck, Ary,” Logan said and moaned.

 

Logan stared in awe as Aaron lapped at the clear fluid like a kitten at a bowl of tepid milk. Logan then listened to the sounds of tasty goodness when a person enjoyed something sweet. He stared at Aaron’s tongue and lips moving over his belly but when he started to lick the juices straight from the slit and rub his tongue over it, Logan thought he was about to pass out from more than he could take. The sounds he cried out were those that bordered between pleasure and pain, as the crest of his cock was a supersensitive surface that could take no more.

 

Aaron looked up at Logan and smiled. He knew he was ready and so he picked up the throbbing shaft of hard meat and as he held it vertical, he rubbed his thumb firmly across the tip, pushing it into the slit.

 

“Oh fuck,” Logan yelled and looked down. With his eyes glued to Logan’s eyes, Aaron took him deep into his mouth. Not thirty seconds later, the dam burst and Logan’s body was in spasm and his mind was nowhere to be found.

 

A brief time later, as Logan’s consciousness found a way back through the sensations of his body’s orgasm, he found Aaron laying next to him, wrapped around him, the side of his face resting on Logan’s chest. Logan moved his outstretched arm until it pressed warmly down Aaron’s back with his hand hooked around Aaron’s hip.

 

“Excuse me, Sir, is there any possibility that I could hire that mouth? I’ll pay whatever is necessary,” Logan said.

 

Aaron chuckled but did not answer the amusing question and just said, “I’m glad you liked it.”

 

Something made its way between them, halting further communication but it was not anything negative. It was a simple matter of both men realising at the same time, how satisfied and in love they really were. Aaron caressed Logan’s body with his one free hand and Logan brought his other arm across himself and wrapped it around Aaron, pulling him tighter. They lay like that, practically glued together, touching and squeezing in silence for several more minutes.

 

Eventually, Aaron shifted, turned his head and he kissed the nipple he had been lying on. Almost instantly, he opened his mouth around it and sucked it hard until Logan began new sounds of pleasure. Immediately, both men recognised how hard they were again and soon, Aaron was crawling up on top of his lover, ready to begin the next portion of their new chapter together.

 

Aaron’s big body came to rest directly on top of Logan. He forced his hands beneath Logan’s back and squeezed him tightly. He rested his head on Logan’s shoulder and began to kiss the curve of his neck and then he closed his eyes and became still, except for random movements of his cock.

 

Logan wrapped his arms around Aaron’s body as well and he squeezed him hard before holding him warmly. This stillness pervaded and he closed his eyes also, though there was definitely no thought of or need for sleep. It was simply a matter of a temporary need to be as one in agreement.

 

Within the depths of the love and silence, Logan suddenly noticed he felt different. It was clear to him that with Aaron, unlike the previous women or men he had been with, he felt no pressure or stigma or expectation to be someone or something. He felt perfectly happy to just be. It was not about gay, it was not about straight or about any of those things. It was not about dominance, it was not about submission and it was not about fetish or preference or control. This was all about love and the person in his arms. There was nothing more to it and he knew all the rest was bullshit.

 

People, psychologists, scholars or philosophers and even the fanatics and haters and narrow-minded of this world, most of whom were consumed by fear, could talk and argue and spout their opinions for time immemorial but the truth was, as far as Logan was concerned in that moment, when it came to sex, love and relationships, the deeper and stronger two people love each other, the less anything else mattered and the more they could face and overcome anything.

 

Aaron suddenly felt like he was floating on the softest and silkiest cloud. Logan’s body beneath him was warm and smooth and male. Logan’s breathing was calm and relaxed and honest. Logan’s arms were holding him firmly while his fingers were caressing him tenderly. Aaron knew in that moment that all of this was undeniably true and he believed that regardless of the events that had taken place most recently, Logan and he had been brought into each other’s lives for exactly this reason.

 

“I’m yours, Ary,” Logan said, breaking the silence.

 

“I breathe to be with you, Logan,” Aaron replied.

 

“Well then, take me and become part of me and fill me with the essence of who you are,” Logan said.

 

Aaron lifted his head and looked down into Logan’s eyes and said, “I want this to be forever or for as long as this life will let it last. I promise to give you all that is good about me and to give all my effort to removing those things that aren’t so great about me. I truly am completely in love with you, Logan.”

 

“Ary, I’m so sorry for my past fears and for all the wasted years. I don’t know why I know this with such certainty but now, here with you, I know that as long as you’re with me, there’s nothing more important that I need. I want to be with you, live with you and have sex with you and I don’t desire anyone else. Let’s build a life together from today. You and me, Mum and Dad, some friends and when you’re ready, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go in Australia. Anything you want, anything you need because Ary, you’re my world and I know it now, with every beat of my heart.”

 

The mutual kiss and mutual embrace that ensued were emotionally charged. The two young men were enwrapped in each other while bound in the knowledge they were now together and in love. They had made promises, given with all the love and sincerity of marriage vows and their hearts and minds were full. Everything was deep and true and intense and both Aaron and Logan were happy.

 

Twenty minutes later, as Aaron lay on top of Logan, both men caressed each other as they gazed into each other’s eyes. There was a sense of anticipation between them, now that Logan was prepared and the time was here. With one hand Aaron adjusted Compass and then placing both hands on the bed on either side of Logan, Aaron lifted his upper body into the air. A moment later he rolled his hips and slowly he entered Logan.

 

Aaron and Logan exchanged rings that night on equal terms, one presenting and the other receiving, before they reversed their roles. To both men, these were the only rings that mattered, as they symbolized their union and their binding as lovers and partners becoming one. The acts were sensual, passionate and loving but they were an exchange nonetheless and both men considered these acts, as equal to and important as, any exchanged rings of silver or gold.

 

Now, Logan and Aaron were finally, truly, together.

 

The End. 

 

 

Author's Note: This, my first completed novella, is dedicated to Chuck, the kind soul who opened the door; to Chris, the generous man with studious eyes “on the other side of the world” and finally, to Ann, who over many years, imparted pieces of knowledge that now combine, helping me to create what stands in print. Thank you!

 

Thank you also to the silent voices, who keep the numbers rising and give me the belief to keep writing. 

Solo.