Chapter 18 

 

The blanketing cloud still covered the sky while the darkness away from the streetlights was oppressive. It was the type of influence that weighed heavily on the spirits of some but to the white skinned man walking down the street, it eased his edge, as it shadowed his location and approach. Darkness and shadow seemed familiar to him and he wore it like a comfortable cloak.

 

The man turned from the sidewalk and stepped onto a path, which led to the door of a building. All was dark on the other side of the glass but he pushed the door open and stepped inside. Hesitantly, he reached for the switch to light the stairs and was unconcerned when he received no reply. He pressed a small button on the edge of a large though cheap, digital watch and a green illumination revealed the time was seven twenty five.

 

The man was about to ascend the stairs when the distinct sound of an old Volkswagen engine called his attention to the car, which was pulling up at the curb directly in front of the building. He held his position and stared out through the clear glass of the door. He was surprised initially when he recognized one of the occupants, as they stood and turned in his direction. He began to step backwards, slinking deeper into the dark well of the stairs.

 

Honey and Ann rose from the vehicle and looked at each other across the roof of the car.

 

“Well that was a fun evening,” Honey suggested sarcastically.

 

“It’s an evening I’m glad is finally over. Next time we take a trip, we’ll take my car,” Ann replied.

 

The two women turned away from the car and began to walk toward the building. When they had almost reached the door, Honey remembered she had left the red wine on the rear seat of the car and she returned to retrieve it while Ann continued inside.

 

Slowed and then halted by the overt darkness and her unfamiliarity with her surrounds, Ann extended her fingers to locate the wall and the light switch. Before her hand had even made contact, she felt a harsh thud, which erupted into a driving pain through the back of her skull and then unconscious, she was dragged back into the stairwell and left lying on the cold, hard floor.

 

The man moved forward of Ann’s inanimate body, his eyes now fixed to the figure outside. He crouched down, watching as Honey once again approached, the streetlights lacking the illumination to reveal his hidden presence. Honey pushed the door open and stepped into the darkness, allowing the door to silently ease closed behind her.

 

“Ann?” She said questioningly but with no response she grumbled, “at least you could have waited for me” and then she turned to search for the light as well but stopped frozen with fright from the male voice that assaulted her senses.

 

“She’s not here, she moved to the village in San Francisco.”

 

Honey’s blood turned to ice. A cold chill coursed down her spine as she swung around. She remembered the words, recognized the voice and a terror filled her soul. All she achieved by turning so swiftly was a further distortion of her vision in the darkness. She was unaware of the large, open palm of a man’s hand, which moved swiftly and with great force into her face, thrusting her head back hard and smashing it into the wall. She did not even hit the ground before he had her in his arms and was dragging and laying her beside Ann. He returned and retrieved her large carry bag and then placed it beside the two unconscious women.

 

Bobby turned away from them, walked to the bottom of the stairs and then stopped and looked up into the seemingly unending darkness. He swiped his hands together as if removing dust or dirt after a job well done. As he stared up the row of stairs, he smiled and thought that soon everything would return to normal. With a touch to his watch for some meager illumination, he raised his foot to the first step.

 

Billy had set a pot of coffee to brew but he had run out and he knew there would not be enough for the evening and the morning. He walked out of the kitchen, turned on some lamps for subdued lighting and then turned off the overhead light. He sat on the couch and decided that when Honey and Ann arrived, he would have to go out and buy some more coffee.

 

Billy thought about Nick’s unexpected visit. He had been so pleased to discover Eric was only a friend and especially that he was married. He was also pleased Nick felt the two of them were close enough to be able to ask a favor. He chastised himself for his ambiguous remarks, which he idealistically hoped would let Nick know how he felt. Even as he thought he should not make pointed remarks, he knew he could not help himself because he loved Nick and wanted on a very deep level, for Nick to know the truth.

 

Despite believing unswervingly that Nick was straight, Billy noticed some of the things Nick had said contained an ambiguous quality as well. There were moments Billy wanted to believe what he was sure was impossible but all too swiftly, he let the thoughts go. Once Nick had left, his remarks made Billy smile and also fertilized his fantasy, as he wondered if there was even the smallest chance.

 

As Billy contemplated randomly in silence, he was becoming more frustrated as he sat on his couch, waiting for either a call or for Honey and Ann to simply arrive. It was now seven thirty and he had no idea what was going on or where they were. Despite understanding their circumstances, he had been a little irritated they were going to be two and a half hours late but now that the time was up and they still had not arrived, he was becoming restless and wanted their night to begin. He had not necessarily expected a prompt arrival at the specified time but like most people, he hated waiting and he hated not knowing. Subsequently, he decided to call them for an update on position and an estimated time of arrival.

 

Billy stood up and reached for the phone but before his fingers came to rest upon it, he smiled as he heard the recognizable sound of someone knocking on a door. He turned immediately and walked across the room but he was surprised to see that there was no one outside. He thought it was odd at first but then he decided he must have heard a knock on someone else’s door and mistaken it for a knock on his own. He began to close the door but then thinking Honey was probably screwing with him, he pulled it wider and leaned out into the darker hallway.

 

With no illumination on the lower or upper landings, with no light in the stairwell and also with the night being so unusually dark, it was almost pitch black outside the apartments. A subdued, though long rectangle of light, spilled geometrically from his living room. It fell onto the dull, brown floor and opposing grey wall outside. The shaded block of light did not carry and had little effect on the landing to either side of his door. He peered quickly to the left and right of his position but saw nothing and no one. As he began to move back inside, he heard a small groan that came from deeper in the blackness, along the landing to his right.

 

There were only four apartments in the building, two on each floor above the foyer. It was an old building and not particularly well thought out in its architecture. The apartments were set at the back of the building but apart from a storage room on the first floor left side, plus a utilities room on the second floor right side, both of which were set at the front of either landing, most of the front of the building was empty or wasted space. The foyer and stairwell consumed much of the rest.

 

The landings ran the length of both apartments to a window at either end on the sides of the building. However, with the night being as dark as it was, all each window revealed was a different shade of the color black. Halfway down the landing on Billy’s side was the door to the utilities room. Next to the door a fire extinguisher hung on the wall. Billy noticed he could not even make out an impression of the extinguisher and that even though he knew it was fire engine red, he was also incapable of seeing its color.

 

He turned to the left and glanced towards Nick’s door but he saw and heard nothing. He turned back to the right but the darkness along and into the depth of the enclosed landing, appeared as if it was a tangible surface and he could not see a thing. Instantly he heard another groan and it sounded like someone in pain.

 

He stepped outside and tried to look into the darkness but he was not sure if he was seeing shape or whether an optical illusion was playing tricks on his eyes. He took another step and he felt a cautious twinge, a warning of the psyche that so many people ignore. He hesitated but then took another uncertain step.

 

Speaking quietly and with uncertainty but questioningly, he said, “Hello?”

 

Silence.

 

Darkness.

 

There was nothing but an odd chill that ran through him. He began to turn away but again he heard a noise, this time an even slighter moan, almost like the noise Nick had made outside on the street. It was that thought alone, the thought of Nick in trouble and he stepped forward, almost hurriedly, deeper into the dark and toward the unknown presence that awaited him.

 

Billy did not have enough time to move or even flinch. There was less than two inches before he saw the white fist a split second before it collided between his eyes. Now there was not even blackness, at least none that he was aware of. Billy had been knocked unconscious and he was being dragged backwards and into his own apartment. Without looking at his face, Bobby dropped him onto the floor inconsiderately, before he closed and locked the door.

 

Bobby stood staring as if at nothing while he considered his next move. He did not really have a plan per se, despite the big picture outcome that directed his actions. He was certain of one thing only and that was he had to get Billy back to Scottsville. Suddenly moving again, he looked through the entire apartment to make certain they were alone and then he walked into Billy’s bedroom.

 

Bobby glanced around the room. He took in every object around him, before his eyes fell for an extended period upon Billy’s bed. He was suddenly filled with a sense of aloneness but it was that sensual and sexual aloneness, which leads the mind into deep places of desire and carnal hunger. A sense of envy filled him, as he thought that Billy lived alone and was free to do whatever he desired without anyone’s knowledge. Resentment filled his chest.

 

Bobby’s gaze seemed to thicken and become distant and then from deep within his mind, he imagined two, naked men, writhing upon the sheets. He could see the imagined masculine physiques, the perspiring slide of flesh and the throb and press of erections. He shook his head as if trying to dispel the vision and to clear his mind of its influence but he wanted it more than not and his eyes were frozen to the bed. He dragged his sweatshirt over his head.

 

He ran a hand over the front of his incredible chest and stomach. He rubbed the large and defined pectoral muscles and then circled his thumb over one of two, bright red nipples, the areole large, broad and perfectly round from both the temperature and the stretch of his muscular chest. His erection began to grow instantly within his camouflage pants and without underwear to contain it, the material tented massively. He slid his hand from his chest, down over his rippling abdominal muscles, before sliding it beneath the seam of the pants. He gripped his erection with relief.

 

An almost whispered moan dripped from between his parted lips. His white face flushed red, as the tension eased in minor alleviation. He began to stroke himself but then suddenly, as if remembering a purpose, his mind switched abruptly from sexual to resentful thoughts. He pulled his hand from inside his pants and flung his sweatshirt over his shoulder. He turned and walked to the closet and opened it to look for a belt. He pulled one out and threw it over his shoulder as well.

 

Leaving the bedroom, he ambled down the hall and across the living room, glancing at Billy only to be certain he was still there, before entering the kitchen. His eyes flashed around and then his hard look transformed to one of satisfaction, when he saw the pot of coffee brewing in the corner. He searched for a large and heavy mug and then poured himself a black coffee. He walked back into the living room, put his beverage on the coffee table and then he walked around to the back of the couch.

 

Bobby grabbed Billy by the arms and he dragged him between the couch and the coffee table. As he lowered his body back down, it was the first time he looked at Billy’s face. His eyes softened briefly but again something in him changed and he looked away. He squatted down and ripped Billy’s t-shirt down the centre of his chest. Maneuvering and rolling Billy’s body, he pulled the torn material away from his arms and then after twisting it into one long and gathered piece of material, he tied it around Billy’s mouth to gag and prevent him from calling for help. He then bound his wrists behind his back with the belt. Again but only for a few seconds, his eyes fell on Billy’s face and then he slid his hand down Billy’s naked chest. His touch was emotional but again he changed and he stood up abruptly. He stepped around Billy, sat on the couch in front of his unmoving body and waited for him to regain consciousness.

 

Occasionally sipping on his steaming mug of coffee, the handsome man with such incredibly white skin, stared unblinking at Billy on the carpet at his feet. The look on his face was inconsistent, reverting between two distinct expressions. One look was soft and nostalgic, quantified with sincerity while the other was almost hateful and filled with resentment.

 

Though unrealized by anyone that knew him, Bobby was positioned precariously on a psychological edge. In general, he seemed normal enough and quite rational within his daily life. He was however, a man behind a mask, a chosen persona he could barely accept. A single event in time had transformed into an entity and it had consumed him. His thoughts and emotions had battled and raged in a war that had moved beyond his control. It was a war of the self, an offensive that only an honest choice could win. Attitudes and beliefs took up arms against truth and acceptance, leaving Bobby confused, afraid and with no clear path to victory.

 

For as long as he could remember, the boy as well as the man he had become, were both in direct opposition to the life he had been taught to live. With a religious upbringing and also being part of a jock culture, as well as living within a social structure of a somewhat redneck environment; his true nature was ripe for self-hatred as an inevitable condition.

 

Through his fourteenth and fifteenth years, Bobby accepted the nature that lay inside of him. During those years, the clear and undeniable attraction to the male gender gripped him seductively. His deep, emotional and loving feelings for Dean, his best friend he played with on the football team, became overwhelming and almost obsessive. During that time, the requirement of a façade and therefore the expectation to date and have sex with girls was a task. For the entire period of hiding the person he was, his world though small seemed large and his life felt hard. Regardless, he tempered himself, he molded his outer personality and he became a credible reflection of the boys and men that surrounded his existence.

 

A point came when he wondered if his camouflage would become second nature and if at some point in his future, he would naturally be like every other man. However, during their sixteenth year, a drunken night with Dean, his hot friend with the equally powerful and beefy body, unsuspectingly uncovered like minds and desires. On that warm night, in a decrepit shack on an empty property, men and muscle merged and freeing sex occurred. It turned into the hottest and best night of his life. They became secret boyfriends and their liaisons continued and repeated in secret for an entire year. In that year Bobby discovered true love as well.

 

Even in the present, in the depths of his heart and mind, Bobby still remembered that year as the best year of his life. It was during that year that Bobby smiled and laughed with Dean, when he told him he believed his little brother was going to be gay as well.

 

At first it had been fine, almost like a tag that told him they were brothers of a brand. They were already incredibly close as brothers but with this additional knowledge, he felt like what was between them was even thicker than blood. Bobby really loved his little brother, however, uncertain how or when to approach the subject, he put it off for later, expecting it was just a matter of time. He could not have predicted the approaching event or the effect it would have on his world. Subsequently, Bobby never reached the point when he would come out to Billy and so he also did not become a guiding support of passage either.

 

At the end of that year, which was Bobby and Dean’s last year of school, Dean’s family relocated to Washington State. From the day Dean left, Bobby felt like his world had been ripped apart and that he was truly alone. He may have been physically strong but internally, Bobby was not strong or confident at all. The removal of Dean from his life became a destructive event. It was a turning point consumed by fear and with Dean’s absence, Bobby became a different person altogether.

 

Bobby’s life and his world changed. Scottsville became an alien planet and the people there became its alien natives while he became a hidden visitor from another world. He felt like a chameleon living amongst snakes and therefore completely alone. All he could think was that he had to be like everyone else and never be discovered for the man he truly was. He decided to keep his head down, work hard and become a responsible man and older son. Days and weeks that seemed like forever marched on. He thought he was pulling himself together but the truth was he was shattered and little more than a pretence of glued pieces to maintain his façade.

 

Nothing Bobby did could remove Dean from his heart and mind. Their love had been intense and true. It had unlocked a door but before it was truly opened Dean was gone. Bobby was still standing at that door, wanting to open it but afraid of what was on the other side. Fear gripped him and soon it was eating away at his heart and mind.

 

The worst thing was that the more he spent time with his brother, the more Bobby was reminded of what he had lost. Bobby did not know how or where to start over. He was barely out of school and his world was a tiny place. The last thing he wanted was to be found out. He knew with such a discovery, he would have to contend with the scornful attacks of his parents. He also imagined his sexuality would become public knowledge and he would be bashed and vilified by those he knew, effectively destroying his overall home. He believed he had enough to deal with. His heart was broken and he could not even imagine wanting to meet someone else or starting over again. All he wanted was Dean but in his mind he was trapped with no way out.

 

It became easy to remain hidden and soon he began to hate what he was hiding. He resented that he was not like all the other guys. In that regard Billy became another problem. Bobby was certain Billy was going to be gay and so his unrevealed sexuality became a constant reminder of his own. To maintain his disguise, Bobby chose to say nothing about his sexuality to Billy but even so, every time he looked at him there was only one thing that he saw. To make things worse, it seemed Billy had not a care in the world.

 

There were moments it became more than Bobby could take. Billy’s natural ease in life began to fill Bobby with fury. He did not understand that though he was certain Billy would be gay, Billy had barely even realized he was different. At fourteen, Billy had not even reached the point where it was a concern. Bobby knew he should accept and be himself but most of the time it seemed easier to continue to hide.

 

One day however, as Bobby sat on the back steps staring at Billy in the yard, the pressure built up to such a point he could no longer contain it. He exploded in a violent attack on Billy and from that day forward, spontaneous assaults traveled with them throughout that year. Their relationship degraded, Bobby changed and nothing was ever the same.

 

Now, a year short of a decade had passed and excluding his age, appearance and general life, Bobby was still in the exact same position. He was bitter and he was angry and despite all of his practicality and responsibility and regardless of his attempt to dispose of his desires through an Evangelical devotion, still the provocative stranger within, could entice him with such ease. He wanted with such desperateness and he despised with equality. He felt nauseated and yet hungry and all the while he knew that his brother was at peace. His resentment had become an obsessive and intolerable force.

 

Here in Billy’s apartment, Bobby’s blue eyes gazed at Billy’s face beneath him. The seriousness of his expression was obvious but while his eyes were perceptibly disdainful, the emotional love for his brother seemed to merge and soften his face. Silent thoughts of happy boyhood memories swam uncontrolled through his mind but at the same time, bitter indignation and rancorous animosity, perched evenly behind his eyes. He wanted to hold Billy and to tell him he loved him but the insidious jaundice of steadily grown attitudes, felt and somehow seemed easier to embrace and he wanted to hurt him as well.

 

On some deep, inner level, he knew of his hypocrisy but his enforced façade, which was real to every person in his life, had been in play for so long that even he could be deceptively seduced by it. It was the deep, inner connection to his brother that had controlled and directed his anger and set him on this current path. It was a path to bring his brother back into his life and to an imagined world of brotherly love that would make up for his fear and cruelty. It was confused but to Bobby it seemed so clear.

 

Unfortunately, loving while hating, envying while resenting and feeling guilt while justifying, all combined with an unhealed heart, as well as an enforced belief system and an inability to accept the person he was, had split his mind down the middle. He was so lost he did not even know he was confused. He did not know which personality he would wear at any given moment and yet he thought he knew exactly who he was all the time. Every moment seemed as clear as crystal.

 

Feeling in his heart a twinge of regret, not only from his treatment of Billy in the past but also from what he was doing to Billy now, his mind tried to dampen and dispel the emotional reaction, with thoughts of disgust and memorized biblical passages. Forcibly maintained, imprisoned in the back of his consciousness, he was aware of the incongruities and the fraudulent duplicity of his life. However, as he sat above Billy, the extreme polarities between which he was swiftly being thrust back and forth were to Bobby, inconspicuous occurrences. He knew only the now and the moment and what seemed intrinsically important during those times.

 

What he did not know was the amount of mental and emotional stress all these thoughts were putting on him. It had reached a point where he could no longer maintain his balance on the craggy edge he teetered upon. Now that the moment had come, with four years of anger and required retribution, as well as a desire to make amends for guilty actions, along with all the other confused and destructive issues of his mind; the edges of the discontinuity seemed to merge seamlessly but Bobby had nearly reached a point of no return.

 

As Bobby continued to sit and stare at his unconscious brother, a multitude of voices were speaking inside his head. One was telling him he had to take Billy back to Scottsville. Another was begging him to apologize and explain and let the truth be known. Yet another told him to thrash Billy within an inch of his life while still another told him to deliver him to Reverend Thomas. Bobby reached up with both hands and his fingers circled at his temples, as the ache in his head drilled toward excruciating pain. Though the pain was real, it had existed for so long it was natural and was no longer a warning. A rogue thought wished desperately that it would all just end and then he wished that Dean would come back, take him into his arms and make all the uncertainty fade away.

 

Next-door, Nick had finished a frozen meal he had heated in his microwave and finally turned off his lights and gone to bed. As he lay quietly in the dark, he hoped he would go to sleep quickly but he had an overwhelming feeling that with thoughts of Billy plaguing him unceasingly, there would be little chance he could go to sleep by choice. He pictured Billy’s face again and he felt his heart beat faster. He thought of what Eric had said about Billy and then he wondered if while also hoping so, Eric would be right. He closed his eyes, he relaxed his body and as he began to breathe deeply and calmly, he tried to quiet his mind so he could drift off into the darkness.

 

Billy was suddenly aware of stripes of colors over silver star-like dots on a background of blackness. The blackness had so much depth to it that he thought it would go on forever. The silver stars were twinkling but he knew they were not really stars. He did not care because he liked the way they were flashing at him and the colors looked like they were in a hurry to get somewhere, as they raced from right to left. Still they made him feel comfortable while the stars seemed to be trying to send him a message in some strange code. He wondered where he was that he could be watching all of this but it was just so deeply dark all around him. He thought if he were honest with himself, he would admit that the darkness was beginning to unsettle him and he was beginning to feel as if he were lost. The colors began to fade and he felt unhappy that he could not remain to watch them. He wondered why that was the case and where he had to go and he wished that Nick would come and lead him toward some familiarity. He wondered where Nick was and if he was okay.

 

One by one the stars began to go out like lights, leaving patches of the blackness within the group. The black was becoming more prominent than the stars and he realized that soon he would see nothing other than black. He started to feel afraid and then he realized that there was nothing solid around him. He wondered why he felt nothing beneath his feet as the last star vanished and then with the understanding that there was no foundation beneath him, Billy felt his body begin to fall. He was flailing within a void but he could not see his arms, which he could feel were reaching at nothing. His heartbeat rose to a pounding and he knew he could not breathe and that he had to take a breath.

 

Billy’s whole body jolted violently. His eyes opened wide and he gasped from the unknown and the disorientation, as his consciousness began its slow return to normalcy. The light assaulted his eyes but as the glare quickly faded, his vision was blurred and he felt a disturbing, aching sensation from the bridge of his nose, which spread out into his eyes and up over his brow. He became aware of something wrapped around his head and realized it was wedged between his lips and stretching his mouth. Instantly he felt a burning in his shoulders and realized his hands were bound behind his back. The unexpected became clear as he realized he was on the floor, lying on his side and staring at his carpet. He then saw the movement of the thick, black work boot, only inches from his face. Billy turned his head onto an angle and looked up. His eyes glared in utter terror as he looked at the face grinning back at him.

 

Billy spoke but his voice was so muffled by the gag, the sound was practically inaudible when he said, “Bobby?”

 

“Hello little brother, it’s been a while,” he said pointedly with a satisfied and yet unpalatable expression.

 

“Bobby, please, let me go,” Billy tried to say clearly but it was no more than a mess of sounds.

 

“Sorry Billy but I can’t understand a word you’re saying. I guess your accent has changed from spending too much time with the wrong types of people.”

 

Billy looked at Bobby with frustration. He knew it was a waste of time trying to speak because he could not form the words or shape the sounds. It was simply indecipherable. The thickness of the material was impeding the necessary movements of his tongue within his mouth.

 

Bobby looked back at him and he could see the exasperation in Billy’s eyes. Bobby’s hand moved and slid into one of the many pockets of his pants. Billy watched with curiosity as Bobby withdrew something. It was metal and it was an eye catching, burgundy color. As he turned the slim line shape between his fingers, unexpectedly, a long, five-inch blade swung swiftly free with a spring-loaded snap. It looked new and the metal of the blade flashed as it reflected the lamplight from its surface. Billy was instantaneously afraid as Bobby’s eyes were filled with a threatening menace.

 

Bobby laughed at his double entendre, when he said, “Do you get the point?” Continuing to stare into his brother’s eyes he said, “You want to speak to me Billy and I’m curious as to what you have to say so if I loosen the gag, you do understand there will be consequences if you attempt to cry out, don’t you?”

 

Bobby leaned forward and slid the cold, flat surface of the blade over Billy’s cheek. Billy was immediately scared for his life. He nodded that he understood and then Bobby pulled the material out of his mouth, leaving it tightly wrapped around his chin. Bobby sat back into the cushions of the couch and as he continued to look down into Billy’s eyes, he twirled the knife in his fingers.

 

Even though it appeared to be the case, Bobby had no intentions of hurting Billy. The knife was simply a tool of psychology, one that would induce Billy’s compliance to the outcome he desired.

 

“So, what is it that you wanted to say to me, Billy?”

 

“Bobby? Please?” Billy said again.

 

Sitting forward, causing Billy to flinch in frightened expectation, Bobby replied, “Please what?”

 

Bobby picked up his coffee and sat back grinning at Billy’s reaction to his movement and then he sipped from the steaming beverage. Retaining the mug in his hand, he rested it on the arm of the couch and then once again he twirled the knife in the fingers of his other hand.

 

Bobby said, “Exactly what is it that you need from me? Do you want me to give you the magazine I discovered under your mattress, the one that confirmed for me the sort of dirty and disgusting little pervert that you are?”

 

Billy’s eyes opened in fear. At that moment he remembered the one thing from his ancient life that he had obviously forgotten. He knew with absolute certainty that Bobby knew he was gay. Believing he knew the way Bobby felt about the subject, Billy wondered how he could get out of this situation alive. He honestly thought there was little hope, unless someone came to his aid and he could somehow make enough noise for someone to hear.

 

As he rubbed the impression of his cock that hung in the pant sleeve along his inner thigh, Bobby asked, “Tell me, Billy, do you like sucking men’s cocks? I mean if I pulled mine out and offered it to you, would you want to suck it?”

 

Billy was terrified but Bobby’s question made him angry and the expression in his eyes made his anger known to Bobby.

 

“What’s wrong, Billy? Did I upset you, you little queer? Maybe you’d just prefer it if I rammed my hard cock inside of you,” he said with an expression of contempt and loathing.

 

“Fuck you, Bobby,” Billy said as his anger overflowed.

 

“Fuck me? So that’s what you want. You want my ass. The little girl wants her big brother to pretend to be a woman while she pretends to be a man and fucks him up the ass. Unless, Billy, I’ve misinterpreted your meaning and that wasn’t what you were saying? Is it possible you were directing your words at me, rather than about me? Was that it, Billy? Were you saying fuck you, to me?”

 

Billy knew his next words would have consequences but he did not care. For years he had put up with Bobby’s shit. He had accepted his abuse, tolerated his outbursts and never complained or told his parents when Bobby had physically assaulted him. He had never even known what Bobby’s problem with him was or why he beat him up. Billy had accepted it all because Bobby was his brother and would eventually come to him and show concern for him, when he would hug him and tell him that he loved him.

 

Billy always thought that something had happened to cause the change in Bobby but he could never work out what. All he knew for certain was that it started just after Bobby left school. Billy often thought about telling someone so he could get some help or make it stop but every time, even though Bobby never said he was sorry, Bobby would come to him, his eyes filled with sadness and regret. Holding back tears, Bobby would ask him to take off his shirt so he could see the bruises and then he would lie down on his bed with him and he would rub them softly, caressing him tenderly, while asking him if he was okay.

 

It had happened often and had only stopped because Billy had talked his parents into sending him to Westtown Prep for his last three years of school. The last time Bobby had physically abused him was after he completed school and returned home. Now however, he was twenty-four, he was an adult and was leading his own life. This, what was happening now, was quite simply unforgivable and inexcusable. Billy felt he could no longer accept and say nothing, even if Bobby was his brother.

 

All the previous times, Billy hoped desperately that Bobby would become the brother he truly wanted. He really did love him, even now despite everything. Back when Bobby told him that he loved him, when he hugged him and showed him consideration and care, each time Billy thought that maybe things could be different and that their relationship could change to the way it had been before. Perhaps they could hang out and talk and get to know each other again. Perhaps Bobby could be the brother Billy remembered. They had been so close as boys and he just could not work out what happened to make things change. Billy now decided it had been foolishness and fantasy that could never and would never come to pass. Right at that moment Billy decided that he could no longer accept the role of a victim. He told himself it had to stop here and it had to stop now.

 

Elaborating his words to emphasize his unwillingness to submit weakly ever again, Billy said, “Fuck! You! Bobby!”

 

Billy watched as his brother’s eyes grew mean and furious.

 

Bobby’s fingers released from the hold of his coffee, leaving it resting on the arm of the couch. His fist tightened around the steel, burgundy handle of the blade with an impenetrable grip. If it were not for the color of Bobby’s skin, his knuckles would have turned white but instead, his grip pushed his blood to the surface and a blood red flush filled them. He lifted out of his seated position and stood bolt upright for a moment and then his body arched, his arms curved, his muscles contorted and his face turned scarlet with rage. He literally looked like he was going to explode.

 

Billy watched as the blood flushed through his face, down his neck and onto his naked chest. Regardless of what Bobby’s actions meant or of the fear it induced within Billy, still it always managed to catch Billy’s attention, as Bobby’s smooth, unblemished, alabaster skin flushed with blood and the color and consistency changed with dramatic results.

 

Despite Billy’s fear, he suddenly noticed the excessive change in Bobby’s physique and he looked at his body with a degree of amazement. He had obviously been working out because every part of his torso and his arms, were a mass of highly worked, perfectly defined, powerful and masculine musculature. It was made even more impressive and attractive because of his excessively white skin. It was wrapped so tautly around his frame and it was so smooth that it appeared to shine. He also had a military style buzz cut to his once thick, black hair, making him look sharp and neat. He was still handsome with his blue eyes and the contrasting nature of his white skinned and black haired complexion. Irrespective, the hardness of his expression remained. The only time Billy ever saw it soften was on the rare occasions when Bobby smiled sincerely. Billy had not seen that face since he was an adolescent.

 

Bobby’s expression told of his overwhelming desire to lash out and to hurt Billy. His leg suddenly swung back but the couch was barely two inches from his heel and it stopped the swing of the boot. His leg punched forward regardless and his boot collided with Billy’s sternum. The impact was hard but because of the confined space, it was not as hard as it would have been.

 

Billy automatically tried to cry out but all that was heard was a loud grunt exiting under the force of the impact. He opened his mouth as he tried to suck in air to replace what had been catapulted out of his lungs. It seemed as if his chest, stomach and lungs had been paralyzed, as the normal function of breathing refused to take effect. The muscles around his sternum had locked in spasm from the punch of the safety boot with the internal steel cap.

 

Fear rose within Billy as his mind and body started to react; the automatic systems of the human body becoming desperate, his mind filling with anxiety, as the electrical impulses shot wildly through his nervous system, screaming in panic that something was wrong. Billy’s eyes were wide and fear of asphyxiation filled them. His face began to turn red but then suddenly, the spasm relaxed and ended and he gasped, sucking in the air desperately but with relief.

 

Bobby was staring down at his brother and then he bent down. One hand grabbed Billy by the throat and the fingers of his other hand gripped around his upper arm just beneath his armpit. He lifted Billy, dragging him to his feet in front of him and glared at him angrily. It was the first time Billy had ever stood up to him. Though on Billy’s part it had nothing to do with cowardice and everything to do with a soft and passive nature, as well as the hope that some day things would change; Bobby still interpreted Billy’s remark as the first sign of any degree of moral fiber and backbone. He was not pleased about it however and he certainly felt no pride in Billy for standing up to him. Instead, due to the fact that it was so noticeable, he considered it an affront to his dominance in this circumstance and also to his insecurely placed, ego based superiority.

 

“I see you’ve found some stones in your absence Billy but remember who you’re dealing with. Talk can be cheap and three hurtful words at my expense mean little in the scheme of things. Aggressive action might achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve but actions can lead to compound fractures or worse,” he said with an extremely contumelious tone.

 

Billy was once again overcome with the old fear of the hurt and the pain and the powerful blows to his body. “I’m sorry,” he said fearfully from the new memory of the kick to the body.

 

“Ah, now there is the submissive Billy I remember. You really do submit better then you attack, Billy. I guess you play the role of the woman in bed as well. You probably love being fucked with a real man’s, big cock. Stick to what you know Billy and I’m sure you’ll be fine and I won’t have to hurt you again. All you have to do is keep up your usual submissive role and life will return to the way it was meant to be.”

 

With those words, Bobby’s expression changed oddly. He was looking into Billy’s eyes and he remembered how the rare color always made him think that Billy was very special. The associated warm feeling filled his chest and softened his heart and then unexpectedly, he pulled Billy forward and against him. His arms surrounded Billy’s body and he held him warmly, chest-to-chest, his fingers gently moving in short, caressing strokes over the naked skin of his back. It was the embrace of a brother who loved his brother.

 

The left side of Billy’s face was leaning against Bobby’s left shoulder. His eyes were wide in disbelief because he was suddenly aware of the conflicting actions and the sudden change in Bobby. Silently he thought, “First he knocks me out, then he threatens me with a knife, then he kicks me viciously and now he’s holding me and caressing me like he loves me.”

 

Billy considered this was strange even for Bobby but then he dismissed the thought and instantly decided he needed to get away. He moved his arms, tugging at the restraint around his wrists but his arms were firmly bound. His gaze moved quickly to the door and he could see that it was locked. He wondered how in hell he could get away. Even if he could get to the door, he was incapable of opening it while his hands were tied behind his back. If he screamed, no one could get in and if Honey and Ann arrived, Bobby might hurt them. He felt a degree of resignation fill him. It seemed there was absolutely nothing he could do. He thought he was probably going to die that night and he found himself hoping that his friends did not arrive at all.

 

Just for a moment Billy wondered if that might help. He considered that if he told Bobby people were due to arrive, perhaps it might interfere with his plans and he would leave. However, instantly Billy second-guessed the possibility and decided Bobby might prepare for them and the whole situation could spiral out of control.

 

Billy asked quietly, “What is it that you want from me?”

 

Bobby pushed Billy away from his embrace and his expression changed yet again before he asked, “What do I want from you? Suddenly you care what I want? Suddenly you give a fuck about what someone else wants or needs? When did this change occur?”

 

“I don’t understand,” Billy said.

 

“No, you don’t, do you? You know why you don’t understand, Billy? I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re selfish and you never think about anyone but yourself. You didn’t stop to consider anything before you ran away, did you? Did you even wonder how leaving the way you did, without a word, would affect your mother and father? I don’t suppose you cared how I would feel that my little brother left without saying goodbye? Tell me Billy, in these last four years, did you ever stop and give any of us a moment’s thought?”

 

Billy was silenced by Bobby’s questioning diatribe. He had hated not being able to see his mother and father but he knew with one hundred percent certainty, he would not be accepted as a gay son or a gay man. Before he left, he thought about telling his parents but he knew how the information would devastate them, how it would anger them and how it would be viewed as a sin against God. He had really given it a lot of thought and his conclusion was that if he left without a word, they would still be hurt but their hurt would exist on a foundation of not knowing, rather than on a foundation of anger from knowing. He had decided that was the easiest of the choices, not for him but for them.

 

Billy almost smiled in amusement as his thoughts turned to Bobby’s question about himself. Of course it had bothered him deep down on an emotional level that he would never see his brother again but the physical attacks as opposed to nonthreatening times, despite the random nature of frequency, outweighed and influenced his choice more than any other reason. As for whether he thought about his family over the past four years, Billy knew that not a single day went by, without his thoughts turning to them in one way or another.

 

“Obviously your lack of response is a confirmation that I was right about you, Billy. You didn’t think of us, you didn’t care and you can’t think of anyone but yourself.”

 

“I did care and I still do but I had no other choice,” Billy replied, sadly.

 

Bobby stared, looking directly into Billy’s eyes. Bobby’s eyes were shocked and disbelieving but then the expression transformed to mimic his tone of sarcasm, as Billy watched.

 

“You care about us? Do you think I’m feeble minded, Billy? Do you think that if you say what I want to hear that I’ll let you go?”

 

“No, Bobby, I don’t but I do care and I had to leave.”

 

“Billy, you have no idea what you left me to deal with? You simply couldn’t imagine what I had to listen to. Can you even imagine watching and listening to your mother crying to your father, as she constantly repeated the word “why?” Can you grasp having to sit there and listen to your father responding to that word, with an unending repeat of the story of the prodigal son’s return?

 

“I’m the one who keeps the family whole. I’m the one that keeps food on the table and the bills paid. I’m the one who maintains the property and the house. I’m the one who shows respect and love for his parents but am I the special one? No, I’m not. All I ever hear is when Billy comes home things will return to the way they should be or when Billy returns, life will be good again. Our parents are under the misguided impression that you being under the roof of our home, is somehow going to change the way life is,” Bobby said, his tone resentful.

 

“I’m sorry, Bobby.”

 

“Are you, Billy? Do you really give a shit?”

 

“Of course I do,” Billy replied.

 

“You know what really stings me, Billy? It’s that if they knew what I did about you, things would be different. I’d be the special one, finally. I’m the first-born and I’m now even the man of the house but still it’s all about Billy. It’s all about the baby boy, the beautiful boy and the educated boy. Even so, I never told them. Even though I knew it would make them see reason and see the truth, still I protected you, Billy. There were times when I wanted to yell that their precious boy was a cock sucking abomination but I didn’t,” he screamed.

 

As Bobby’s words left his lips, he was incapable of not hearing the second voice, the silent voice in his head that told him he was a hypocrite and that the reason he had not revealed Billy’s sexuality, was because he was a faggot as well. Though Billy did not notice, self-loathing merged amidst the overt anger of Bobby’s expression.

 

Billy was silent. He was a little confused as to why Bobby had not told his parents but he was also embittered by the tone and taste of the poisonous words. Curiously, he also felt truly sorry that his actions had caused his brother to be caught up in such an uncomfortable position. The tone of Bobby’s voice contained a mixture of pleading and hurt but also resentment. Billy understood and he wanted to fix it but he also knew that if he was to achieve the life he needed and wanted, there had been no other choice than to do what he did and leave.

 

Billy’s eyes again took in the sight of Bobby’s handsome face and chiseled body. He thought he really was an incredible man physically. He imagined that Bobby would be able to get a woman with the snap of his fingers. He wondered if he had a girlfriend or if he just fucked the female population of Scottsville. It was not hard to imagine and he also knew that Bobby was a great guy and a nice guy with everyone else. It was only with him that Bobby seemed to have a problem.

 

Bobby became aware of Billy looking at his body. There was of course nothing to it but suddenly the man within Bobby felt the pleasure of the knowledge that another man was looking at him and admiring him. Even though it was his brother, Bobby was still a gay man and the thought of a man finding him attractive hooked that side of his nature and began reeling it toward the surface.

 

Bobby suddenly discovered himself looking in the same way at Billy. He had grown into a fine, young man. He thought he was very handsome, his body had thickened and become well shaped and Bobby could imagine that another man could find him very attractive and want to fuck him. Under the circumstances however, the alternative side of Bobby, his façade, felt weakened by these thoughts and with a loud, puritanical voice heralding its disgust in his head, Bobby began another verbal assault.

 

“You like this hot, hard body, Billy? I can see the way you’re looking at me. Do you wish I were a deviant like you so that you could get your hand on my cock? Would you like to get me naked, suck my cock and swallow a real man’s load? I’ve seen you looking at these big, bright red nipples, do you want to suck my tits, Billy?”

 

Despite the tone of vicious condescension proffered by the words, two things happened. Firstly, Billy was shocked and horrified that someone would suggest he would be open to incest, regardless of the fact that he did think his brother was hot. Secondly, though Bobby’s façade had initiated his angry attack, it was his true nature that noticed the man Billy had become and caused him to react instinctively.

 

Bobby thought incestuous considerations were wrong but again he looked at the smaller though attractive man in front of him. He looked at his smooth chest and at the small though pointed nipples. He looked at the olive skin and the defined though naturally evolved muscles. Bobby thought Billy was quite hot in his own way. Even with the stigma and taboo connected with incestuous thoughts and actions, still Bobby felt turned on and in an unconscious and purely instinctive reaction, Bobby felt horny and he felt his cock begin to thicken.

 

Again Bobby pulled Billy back into his arms and this time he squeezed his body harder against his own. His arms were tight around Billy’s torso, crushing their half naked bodies together.

 

Billy did not notice what was happening immediately, he was too deep in thought. He believed he had done the right thing by leaving Kentucky but Bobby’s words about his parents and about what he was going through were hurting him and making him feel guilty. Every cell of his body was screaming for him to react to Bobby’s words and to speak the truth and to tell him how it really was. He knew he needed to tell Bobby that he was the main cause for why he had to leave but he was scared and now Bobby was making him feel bad.

 

“I love you, too,” Billy said, as he mistakenly reacted to the close embrace.

 

Bobby’s heart was warmed by the words and the emotional connection to his brother. His embrace became even more intensely confining, as he held Billy with a confused but desperate need.

 

“If you really loved me, Billy, then why did you leave like that?”

 

“I had to,” Billy said.

 

Bobby asked, “Why?”

 

“Bobby, you were the reason I left,” Billy replied.

 

Bobby asked in confusion, “You left because you loved me?”

 

“No, Bobby, I left because you kept hurting me,” Billy said.

 

The memories of Bobby’s treatment of Billy came back with the ease of remembering something that had happened only moments before. He knew exactly what Billy was talking about. He had always known his physical abuse was wrong but he also knew he could not fight the level of anger, which rose to burning proportions within him. It was no excuse but still in those moments he had hated and resented Billy, in a way that stung at the core of his being.

 

Again Bobby gripped Billy’s waist and pushed him away to look at him. His eyes momentarily carried a look of disbelief and though Billy did not know it, it was because Bobby was surprised that Billy had finally said something about his abusive treatment.

 

Evolving as Billy looked into his brother’s blue eyes, emerging from their background was a blatant display of guilt and hurt. Billy believed that Bobby had to know what he was saying but the previous look of surprised disbelief made him think that Bobby was questioning what he was saying. He was not about to allow Bobby to try and twist the past or his actions and so he decided to unearth those actions, again giving them life.

 

“Bobby, I don’t even know why you beat me up all the time. What did I ever do to you? Why did you always want to bash me? Was I really that bad a person in your eyes? Was I a bad brother? There never seemed to be a reason for why you attacked me. I could be just sitting in the back yard and then for no reason, there you were, punching me and throwing me around. I could be in bed asleep and then suddenly you were on top of me, hitting me, choking me or whatever you felt was appropriate at the time.

 

“Bobby, you’re my brother and I love you but I want a brother who loves me and not one that wants to hurt me. I know that when we were younger you loved me the way I loved you. You were always there for me and you protected me and treated me like I was your best friend. After you left school you changed. I always wished that things could be different between us but it never changed and you kept beating me up. I don’t understand how you couldn’t know that it was mainly because of you that I left. Now you’re following me around America and when you finally see me, you knock me out and tie me up and threaten me with knives and violence,” Billy said, bringing everything out into the open.

 

Billy’s words were like a gut wrenching punch and Bobby’s eyes filled with shame. Suddenly his anger was consumed by guilt and he felt like he was breaking from the inside out. His arm lifted and his fingers caressed down the side of Billy’s smooth face. “I’m…” He began but trailed off.

 

Billy could not believe what he was seeing or the reaction that had followed but the word he was sure was going to be “sorry” did not exit Bobby’s mouth. Billy watched the obvious regret unexpectedly fade from Bobby’s eyes and then he watched as the expression on Bobby’s face changed.

 

Bobby heard yet another voice within, which was telling him he had a purpose. He knew the purpose was to return to Scottsville and to Reverend Thomas but he was feeling an honest brotherly love that was confusing him. He was feeling guilty and subsequently, he was disturbed by Billy’s words and therefore, the truth of what he had done was like a harsh and stinging slap in the face.

 

Other silent voices were telling Bobby to leave Billy in peace and to show him the respect that everyone in life deserved. The words of Reverend Thomas were repeating in his head and therefore the thought that Billy was gay, ordered him to try and set Billy back on the path to God. Contrary thoughts that he was gay also, tore at Bobby with sadistic measure, as unexpected memories of his love for Dean and his lust for Dean’s body, were suddenly interfering with Reverend Thomas’s teachings. His mind shot swiftly to the heat and sated desire, which he had experienced with the man in the park earlier that night. His feelings had been delicious and provocative and strangely freeing.

 

Bobby tried to shake his confusion off. He was struggling to maintain a solid line of thought. He did not like all the feelings of uncertainty that were filling him because he felt like he did not know which way to turn. He thought of Billy’s question of what he wanted from him and it gave him something substantial to hold onto.

 

Bobby remembered he had decided to search for Billy, to find him and to return with him to Scottsville. He would take him to Reverend Thomas and with his help; together they would return Billy to a righteous life. It would also make his parents happy and remove the dark cloud from his home. Bobby believed it would help him to change as well and then he would treat Billy decently and be a good and loving, big brother. He would look after Billy and make up for his cruelty and he would never leave Billy’s side.

 

Bobby nodded as if he were agreeing with someone else. With that idea in his head, Bobby forgot the damning words of Billy and his guilt drained away like the regret from his eyes. His reasoning, which was rational to him, took control. All he could think was that he had a reason to be doing what he was doing. His expression changed to that of a man who was justified. He pulled Billy back against his chest and he held him in a loving embrace.

 

Momentarily, an unthreatening silence surrounded the brothers. Bobby was hugging Billy but was feeling a little more settled now that he had gained a focus. He also was feeling how nice it was to hold his little brother in his arms. Billy was also aware of how it felt so good to have one of these rare moments of tenderness with Bobby. How he wished things could be constant between them. It felt so unthreatening and for years he had almost always felt threatened by Bobby. However, it suddenly occurred to him that he still had not received an answer to his question.

 

“Bobby, you still haven’t told me what you want from me and why you keep searching for me?”

 

“Billy, I’ve been searching for you because you’re my brother and I love you. You need help and I am going to give you that help. I wanted to come and get you and to take you home to Scottsville. I want to help you and I want to lead you onto the path you were meant to be on,” Bobby replied.

 

Billy asked, “What do you mean I need help?”

 

“Billy, you’ve turned your back on God and you’re walking an unrighteous path. It will lead you into damnation. When we get home, I’ll take you to see Reverend Thomas and he’ll help us. Together we can become good men. I’m going to look after you Billy and I’m going to be the big brother you always wanted and that I should have always been for you,” Bobby said proudly.

 

Billy was shocked. He knew he had never been happier than when he left Scottsville. He may have had his tough and difficult times but that was standard for everyone in life. He did not want anything to change and he certainly did not want to go back to Kentucky. He knew with an underlying awareness that Bobby was referring to him being gay. He wished that people would just wake up from their oblivious sleep and he sighed with resignation because he knew what he had to do. It was not a matter that it would be hard or difficult and he knew it. It was simply a matter that he was not sure exactly how Bobby would respond. He took a deep breath.

 

“Bobby, I’m gay,” he said confidently and without a hint of guilt, insecurity or self-doubt.

 

Bobby’s body flinched and then paused, as he took in the words but particularly the attitude with which they had been spoken.

 

“Billy, don’t say that. You’re confused and you’ve been seduced by false feelings and corrupt desires. I understand better than you could imagine. The lure of flesh and muscle and sex is powerful. Reverend Thomas has explained how it is the tool of the beast, enticing us in the wrong direction. Before I joined his flock and stepped beneath the wings of his sermons, my cock and my needs ruled me and led me. Those feelings turned me into an angry man and an aggressive man but now I want peace of mind and love and happiness. I want to find serenity and I want to help you find it too.”

 

“Bobby, being a gay man isn’t wrong. It isn’t a delusional choice and it isn’t a path to hell. I may love the naked male body, I may enjoy all the sexual aspects of it and I may even want a man to seduce and dominate me sexually but more than that Bobby, I want to be with a man and to love him with my heart and soul. I want him like a man wants a woman. I want a relationship that is committed and respectful and honest, just the way heterosexual couples do. Bobby, it isn’t wrong or a sin and it’s probably no different to what your deepest desires are seeking.”

 

Billy’s words shone brightly and rang like crystal bells of truth within Bobby’s heart. It was indeed his deepest seeded desire, to have a man and to engage in hot sex with him, all while loving him with the exceptional love, which he knew existed within his heart. It was a visual picture that Billy had painted for Bobby. His cock began to stiffen and his heart began to race and he pulled Billy to him so tightly that Billy thought he was trying to crush the life out of him.

 

Bobby’s truths were rising up with the pressure and speed of lava through the core of a volcano. He felt like he was bursting, like he was breaking and he also felt like he wanted to cry. Immediately however, he saw the reverend’s face and he heard his words in his mind. He also felt the extreme loss of Dean, the one man that he had loved. He thought he was unworthy and despite all of his thoughts and feelings, he still believed it was somehow wrong. His broken heart had never given his new attitudes the chance to take root and become natural. He was still bound to the old attitudes.

 

Bobby was so lost inside himself at that moment that he was not even aware that he was writhing against Billy and rubbing the full length of his explosive hardness against him. His mind was tearing him apart, his heart was wishing for the greatest love of all and his body was desperately in need of divesting a powerful release. It was as if his awareness had left his body but his body was still in motion.

 

“Bobby!” Billy yelled. “What are you doing?”

 

Bobby was dragged back into the moment like a meteor into the gravity of Jupiter. All of his senses and his awareness suddenly aligned and he realized what he was doing. He stopped every action like a bullet was stopped against an impenetrable surface but still his emotions were overflowing and his cock-induced desires roared at him for completion. He pushed Billy back again and he looked into soft though disbelieving, indigo eyes.

 

Billy said as he looked at him astonished, “Bobby?”

 

“Billy… I…” He began but became lost to an answer.

 

Billy asked, “You what?”

 

The thoughts in Bobby’s head were like a table tennis ball bouncing at a rapid pace against odd shaped, closely positioned surfaces. It was impossible to know what direction they would go next. Bobby gazed at his handsome, younger brother and though he would never have agreed to or accepted his next wild and random thought, he wondered based on his new knowledge that Billy wanted what he wanted also, if together they could find it as lovers.

 

Bobby’s mind spun from what to him was an unacceptable thought. What he had done and what he had thought crossed a line he really did not agree with. He felt intensely embarrassed. From his perspective it was immoral, it was illegal and it was worthy of self-reproach and admonishment. “I’m sorry,” he said but still he pulled Billy back against him and held him as he hid his eyes from Billy’s gaze.

 

Billy was stunned by what had happened. It was simply impossible to comprehend based on his knowledge and experience with Bobby. He wondered why Bobby had gotten an erection but more so, Billy wondered why he began to rub it against him, a man as well as his brother, with all the heat and need of someone initiating sex. He thought that most if not every gay man would assume the obvious, however, Billy could in no way accept the possibility Bobby could be gay as well. He dismissed the thought as rapidly as someone would brush an irritating fly from their face.

 

Billy’s head was once again on Bobby’s shoulder and his eyes stared across his room. They were focused on books in a tall bookshelf but he was not really looking at them. They just happened to be in his line of sight. As he stared thoughtfully, he wondered if Bobby was inept enough to believe like many straight men did, that all gay men would have sex with any man? He wondered if Bobby thought if he offered himself sexually to him, if he would become putty in his hands and would submit to his every whim and desire? He also wondered if Bobby truly believed that he would embrace incest simply for the sake of gay sex?

 

Billy wondered if straight men were really that ignorant and did they really see gay men as completely alien when it came to normal, human perspectives? He suddenly wished this night was over and that one way or another, he was away from Bobby’s control. He was not sure what to think about any of it and so he decided to return to what he had been trying to say to Bobby while reinforcing it all once again.

 

“Bobby, I’m gay and I’m not going to change no matter what you do to me. I’m also not going back with you. I don’t want to live in Scottsville. Bobby, I don’t need you to save me or help me and I certainly don’t need some critical, judgmental and self-appointed professor of right and wrong, to tell me what I can and can’t do. Bobby, I don’t care what you think about what your reverend has to say. Yes I’m gay and yes I want to suck cock and yes I want to be fucked up the ass. If you don’t like it then bash me or kill me but I’m not changing for you or for anyone else,” he said, his voice finally loud, angry and frustrated. Instantly, fearfully, he waited for the expected response. Bobby pushed him backwards again.

 

Bobby asked as he looked at Billy in shock, “You don’t want to live in Scottsville?”

 

After everything that Billy had just said, he could not quite believe the first response to come from Bobby’s mouth. He looked at Bobby surprised but then he answered with certainty. “No, I want to stay here.”

 

Bobby asked, “You don’t want to go home to our parents?”

 

“No,” Billy said firmly.

 

Questioning further, Bobby asked, “You don’t want to come back and let me be the brother you want?”

 

“No Bobby, I don’t.”

 

Bobby now asked as his eyes were beginning to glaze over, as if his mind was somewhere else, “Do you want me to move to Detroit and be with you?”

 

“No.” Billy replied and then he saw the strangest expression cross Bobby’s face.

 

Bobby now asked, “You really want to be gay?”

 

“It isn’t a matter of want, Bobby. It’s a matter of the man I am and I want to be true to the man I am.”

 

With a strained and yet curious expression Bobby asked, “You really think it is normal and okay to be gay?”

 

“Yes, Bobby, I do,” Billy said and he began to think that maybe he was getting through to his brother. He really hoped his brother was beginning to understand and accept the truth.

 

Bobby suddenly felt lost. All the voices in his head were loud. He had no idea what to do other than to forcibly kidnap Billy but he knew that was not the path he wanted to take. In his unbalanced mental state, he had not considered that his plan would play out any other way than what he had thought. Now, as if he were standing in the centre of a desert without a compass, he stopped and did not move. He did not know what to think and he did not know what to say or do. All of the incongruous beliefs, teachings, needs and expectations, suddenly sounded like an auditorium filled with people, all speaking at the same time, within his mind. His face grimaced as he tried to block it all out but then suddenly, Bobby literally heard an audible snap inside his head. His mind went silent.

 

Bobby’s mind had completely tipped over the edge. No logic, no reason and no direction or plan existed. He was an empty vessel filled with only basic components. A whim, a momentary thought or a spontaneous reaction to a feeling, were now to be the cause of all his following actions, regardless of the circumstances he was going to be in.

 

Without anyone’s knowledge, a decent man with ambitions for a happy life was now a blank canvas, his personality, his mind and all awareness of what had gone before, vanished into a dark and unknown place. He was at the disposal of reaction and response. All of his misplaced, ill conceived and enforced beliefs had shorted out like crossed wires in a power box. Everything except for feeling and instinct and nature was gone. To some degree Bobby was now just a needy animal.

 

Meanwhile, next-door Nick reached out and switched on the bedside lamp. He had been lying in bed for about forty-five minutes and he just could not get to sleep. He could not stop thinking about Billy and he was wishing that Billy were with him. Their earlier conversation kept replaying in his mind and he was beginning to think that there was nothing ambiguous about any of it. It seemed pretty damned obvious that what had been said between them was specific and highly pointed. He knew with all of these thoughts running through his head, there was no chance he was going to get any sleep. Forcing himself despite his apprehension, he huffed loudly and pushed his naked body out of the bed. He knew Billy had guests but he had invited him to stay for dinner and so he got dressed and made his way to his front door.

 

Bobby turned his head and looked around but he had no idea where he was. He looked at the young man in front of him but he had no idea who he was either. Fear filled him in those initial moments of displacement and despite an instant attraction and emotional recognition that he did not understand, his first reaction was to lash out and protect himself.

 

The fist came so unexpectedly and out of nowhere, as it plunged into Billy’s stomach. It was so hard that it pushed him from Bobby’s grip and he fell onto the couch, crying out in pain. The punch was bad enough but the pressure of the weight of Billy’s body on top of his bound arms sent searing pain through his shoulders, making him think they were about to dislocate.

 

Bobby looked at the stranger on the couch and wondered who he was. Again he looked around the room but none of it was familiar. He noticed he had an erection and he wondered if that was why he was with the younger man. He slid his hand into his pants and squeezed it before stroking it firmly. His next reaction was to an overwhelming sexual need. He looked at the half naked body on the couch and it seemed to pull at his most basic instinct.

 

Billy’s situation was now made even worse because while he was struggling to breathe following the punch, Bobby was suddenly lying down on top of him, his hands moving all over his body while he was trying to kiss Billy’s lips. Billy clenched his lips tightly together to avert the forced entry of Bobby’s tongue and he was also aware that Bobby was again rubbing his erection against his body.

 

Billy tried to scream but Bobby’s mouth took any substance of distressed sound and swallowed it. After several seconds, Bobby lifted his head and looked into Billy’s eyes. Bobby wondered why he was here with a man that was not interested in sex, when it seemed from his feelings that there could be no other reason.

 

Billy did not think to try and scream again because he was just looking at Bobby in total shock and disbelief. The look in Bobby’s eyes was dangerous because his eyes seemed crazy and desperate yet pleading and lost. Bizarrely, his expression changed again and then he lifted himself up and away from Billy and then lifted Billy back to his feet.

 

Once they were standing, again face-to-face, Billy asked; “Bobby, what the fuck are you doing?”

 

Bobby said nothing and it was uncertain whether he had even heard the question. He had been certain that the young man in front of him was a stranger but there was something telling him that he knew him. He looked into his eyes and again he felt a sense of recognition but it was more than that. It was a sense of closeness and of softness and of need.

 

Out of nowhere Bobby recalled a recent though rogue memory of the young man telling him he loved him. He vaguely remembered this man looking at his body and how it had made him feel. There was no rationality or detailed reasoning and only a concept in his head that they were meant to be together. His words followed without question.

 

“You told me you love me and your eyes told me you want me. My cock is hard and I want it sucked and I want to fuck you, buddy.”

 

Billy looked at Bobby completely stunned but as Bobby looked back, he felt a feeling that was so certain, telling him he was meant to take this stranger somewhere. He had no idea where he had to take him but he thought he needed to get them both out of this place.

 

“After we fuck, I will take you away from here and then we can be together. I know it’s what is meant to happen.”

 

Bobby’s new thoughts were a collage of old thoughts, bits and pieces coming together inappropriately but somehow making sense to him. Without the standard reasoning and rationality, Bobby was prepared to do whatever he thought he had to or needed to. There seemed to be no other purpose.

 

Billy could have been knocked over by a feather as his mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide in shock. He said nothing because he was speechless. He could not believe Bobby had just said he wanted to fuck him and that he wanted him to suck his cock. To a lesser degree but still important to Billy, he also could not believe that Bobby had referred to him as buddy. It was not the word or the reference but it was the tone with which it had been delivered. It was said in the way that men said mate or pal or buddy to people they had never met. Billy was momentarily frozen in shock.

 

Bobby looked at the younger man opposite him and he wondered how he had come to be there with him. He could not remember anything but something kept telling him that none of it mattered. His erection throbbed in his hand and suddenly all he could think was he wanted to have sex with the handsome, young man and that he wanted to be loved and to feel and to be touched. He wanted closeness with the young man. His heart began to pound in his chest and then he looked at the dazzling, indigo eyes, which seemed to look back at him with such deep emotion. Something told him he had to answer that emotion.

 

No matter what had happened in the past and no matter what had already taken place on this despicable night, Billy knew that nothing at any other point in his life, had ever been so incomprehensible and bizarre. Bobby’s previous actions and also the words he had spoken moments ago, confounded Billy. He looked at Bobby with disbelieving eyes yet again, however, Bobby seemed so different and he just stared back almost blankly. There seemed to be no recognizable emotion or passion or any sort of expressive display that Billy could associate with the brother he had always known. He seemed completely unreadable.

 

Billy asked even though he received nothing more than a blank stare, “What are you talking about Bobby and what are you doing?”

 

“You’ve got really beautiful eyes,” Bobby said suddenly.

 

“What? Bobby, what’s wrong with you?”

 

Billy was becoming more scared of Bobby than he ever had before and then Bobby’s hand began to masturbate. Billy’s eyes looked down in shock and then darted hurriedly back to Bobby’s eyes. Bobby was just staring at him, his lips parted, his tongue lying on his bottom lip and partially hanging out, somewhat like a dog. Billy took a single step backwards but Bobby reached for him and stopped his retreat. He then undid his camouflage pants and let them fall to his ankles in a mess, over and around his boots. Bobby was now completely naked except for his feet. His erection was rock hard and standing thick and tall. His hand slid along its length and then he let it go and displayed it to Billy with a self-impressed grin.

 

“You want it and it’s ready. Suck it good and hard,” Bobby said, as he stared blankly like he had no idea who Billy was.

 

Billy was now horrified. It was all too apparent that there was definitely something really wrong with his brother. Billy looked down at the erection and as he did, Bobby said, “Yeah, suck it” and Billy knew at that moment that he had to do something and he had to get away. His mind was firing at a million miles per hour and his eyes flashed and flicked about just as quickly but then he saw the pants around the ankles and he knew what he had to do. He had to try something and maybe it would incapacitate Bobby long enough for him to try and get away.

 

“Come here, Bobby. I want to feel you against me,” he said and Bobby shuffled over to him willingly.

 

Bobby wrapped his arms around Billy and he pulled him into an embrace while his hands moved with sensuality over Billy’s back. Bobby unexpectedly bent his head forward and Billy could hardly believe it, as Bobby began to kiss his neck and shoulder. It was a soft kiss but there was heat and passion within it and the degree of sexual desire was beginning to really take shape.

 

Billy’s head cocked slightly as he heard a noise. He focused hard and with certainty, he knew that Nick’s door had opened. Moments later there was a knock on Billy’s door.

 

Billy lunged forward against Bobby’s body but with the pants around his ankles and boots, Bobby could not adjust his feet for balance and he fell backward with Billy still in his arms. They came crashing down onto the wooden coffee table and it smashed into pieces beneath them. Bobby was knocked into a semi unconscious state but it was only temporary. His arms had fallen away from Billy and onto the carpet. Billy rolled off the top of Bobby’s body and at the same time, Nick began calling out worriedly, due to the sound of the loud, smashing and breaking noise he had just heard. Billy was a little dazed and he struggled to get to his feet but eventually he did. Just as he did and he looked back down at Bobby, he saw his eyes open and the reactionary anger fill them.

 

Billy ran and he kicked at the front door as he screamed for Nick to help him. Nick called for him to open the door but just as he called out that he was in trouble and that he was tied up, Bobby, who had risen to his feet and pulled up his pants, ran at him from the side and slammed into him with his whole body. They flew back and hit the wooden bookshelf and it also smashed and splintered and suddenly bodies and books and shelves were crashing and falling into a pile on the floor.

 

Billy’s face had been thrust hard against one of the vertical beams of the bookshelf. He felt a sting above his right eye and he felt his lip scream and suddenly go numb. As the lightweight bookshelf disintegrated from the force and weight of both men colliding with it and as they collapsed down to the floor, a splintered shard of wood sliced across Billy’s upper body, tearing at his chest as Bobby’s body landed on top of him with a thud. Billy lost consciousness for several seconds before his eyes opened again.

 

Nick was now screaming outside and pounding on the door but with no response and no real knowledge of what was going on or the state Billy was possibly in, he simply decided he was going to break down the door.

 

Billy was aware despite how dazed he was feeling and he looked up into Bobby’s eyes, which were flashing from the door and back to him with a mixture of confusion and fear. Billy thought that the man above him was suddenly a stranger that he had never laid eyes on before. He had the distinct impression from the lost expression that Bobby did not know where he was.

 

Billy asked, “Bobby, do you know where you are?”

 

Bobby looked at him and shook his head no. His eyes then flashed back to the door, as Nick called to Billy one last time. Bobby thrust his hand over Billy’s mouth. He did not know why but he felt he had to stop the unknown man beneath him from calling back to the unseen man outside the door. A moment later there was an extraordinary crash against the door and along with the thud, an obvious cracking sound occurred as well.

 

Bobby knew instinctively what was about to happen and he stood up and backed away. A split second later as Nick hit the door a second time, both the lock and the hinges tore lose and the entire door flew into the room and fell onto Billy, the full force and weight hitting his head and knocking him out yet again.

 

Nick gathered his balance and equilibrium instantly and he saw the man on the other side of the room. He glared at the man with a fury and the man’s expression took on an equally aggressive mien. Regardless of his animalistic state, Bobby felt intimidated by the massive size of the man coming through the doorway, who was not just tall, he was huge.

 

Both men moved at the same time, two stags fighting over a doe. The moment they were within reach, Bobby unleashed his fist, letting it fly with all his strength and body weight behind it. To Bobby’s astonishment, Nick’s massive hand caught and stopped the full force of his fist. A split second later, with a single blow to the face, Bobby lifted off the ground and flew backwards through the air and then into the wall on the other side of the room. His body fell and crumpled onto the carpet.

 

Satisfied, Nick turned and looked for Billy and then hearing a moan, he quickly though carefully lifted the door and moved it, leaning it against the wall beside the now, bare-framed opening. Nick was on his knees and pulling Billy into his arms in an instant. He looked at the blood dripping from a cut above his eyebrow, which was almost identical to the one he had received. Blood was dripping from a busted lip while another two large gashes, one on his chest, which sliced across at least eight inches and then another smaller one on his arm.

 

In that moment, seeing Billy in the condition he was in, everything became an absolute certainty to Nick. He loved the young man in his arms and he could not stand to see him like this. He did not know if he was in love with him but he knew he loved him and that the young man he was holding meant even more than he had realized. Billy was eliciting powerful emotions from somewhere deep inside of Nick’s being. Nick’s heart ached from what he guessed Billy must have been through and he knew he wanted to hurt the other man for doing this to him.

 

Pleading for Billy to open his eyes, Nick said, “Billy?”

 

There was a brief moment but then suddenly, Billy’s eyelids lifted slowly. Despite being dizzy and uncertain for a few moments, Billy smiled when he realized Nick was holding him in his arms. He remembered Bobby and then what had happened and as he looked into Nick’s penetrating, blue eyes, only one thought came to mind.

 

“My savior,” he said.

 

“I’ll save you anytime, Billy,” Nick said with relief at the sound of his voice and the sight of his eyes.

 

Billy’s eyes began to close as a cloud of vagueness filled his head but then he opened them again and said, “I’ll cook for you anytime, Nick.

 

They both smiled warmly at each other, both the indigo and the deep blue eyes, silently revealing their hearts, finally, knowingly, in a consummate and soul baring moment.

 

Nick’s expression changed as he looked over at the unconscious man on the other side of the room and then he asked, “Who the fuck is that and what happened here?”

 

John, the old man from the apartment beneath Nick’s, said questioningly as he arrived at Billy’s doorway on the landing, “Nick?”

 

Hearing the voice, Nick’s grip tightened around Billy protectively and then he turned. Seeing John from downstairs, Nick acknowledged his presence. John’s eyes flashed about the extraordinary scene and then asked Nick if there was anything he could do.

 

“There’s a phone over there, John. Could you come in and call the police and paramedics,” Nick requested.

 

Again John looked at the state of the room and the stranger lying unmoving on the floor. He wondered what had gone on but he nodded agreeably and entered Billy’s apartment, moving directly to the phone.

 

Nick turned back to Billy and his free hand moved to Billy’s face and swept the hair from his forehead up into the rest of his hair. Billy, despite the ever-increasing cloudiness of his thoughts was touched by the action and the loving and caring tenderness with which it was done. However, he knew Nick was waiting for an answer.

 

“He’s my brother, Bobby. Nick, there’s something really wrong with him. He needs help.”

 

“Then we’ll get it for him,” Nick replied, despite his aggressive feelings toward the man who had hurt Billy.

 

Billy was now in a state of alternate consciousness. He felt as if he were floating, as if things were real but not. He knew where he was but it seemed surreal and he wondered if he were asleep in bed and dreaming. Considering that thought, he decided he needed to tell this ‘dream Nick’ what he wanted to tell the ‘real Nick’ about the true nature of how he felt.

 

“Nick, I need to tell you something,” Billy said.

 

Nick asked as he looked at Billy with a failed attempt to remove the look of worry from his face, “What, Billy?”

 

“Nick, it’s about you and me. I feel…” He said before his eyes began to close and his voice fell into silence.

 

“They’re on their way,” John said as he appeared beside them.

 

Nick turned and looked at John and said, “John, could you go down stairs and wait for them so they know exactly where to come to?”

 

“Of course,” John replied.

 

“Thanks,” Nick said.

 

John stepped outside and due to the enforced darkness of the night and also the lack of any working lights, he made his way down the stairs cautiously. It was bad enough that the lights were not working but he thought for a sixty-eight-year-old man whose eyes were not the best in the daylight, it was irritating and somewhat unsettling. When he reached his landing, he walked into his apartment and retrieved a torch to make things easier and then headed toward the next flight of stairs.

 

John flicked on the torch and as he did, he saw Maggie, the old lady who lived beneath Billy, standing with her head partially poking out from her doorway.

 

Maggie asked, her voice eliciting her fear and uncertainty, “What’s happening?”

 

“It’s okay, Maggie. There’s been an incident but everything will be okay. I’ve called the police and they’ll be here soon. I don’t know all the details but I’ll find out and I’ll come and see you in the morning and fill you in. Go back to bed,” John said.

 

“Okay,” Maggie replied but it was obvious she was very unsettled by all the screaming and thuds and breakage that had gone on above her and awoken her. Still she pulled her head back inside and closed the door.

 

“Billy, please open your eyes. Don’t leave me, not you too. I need you,” Nick said, his voice fearful.

 

As John was descending to the foyer with his feeble hand gripping the banister firmly, the torchlight caught something unusual that grabbed his attention. He stopped and leaned, looking down and he saw two women lying in the stairwell.

 

As he shone the light over the banister and directly onto the bodies, he said, “What in hell?”

 

John noticed they were two well dress women whom he assumed were in there thirties or forties. He instantly began taking the steps again, a little faster but extremely worried. At the bottom, he moved to where they were and struggling to bend his knees, he crouched down beside them. He laid his hand on the shoulder of the first and gave a gentle shake but she did not respond. Leaning over her, he shone the torch directly onto the face of the second one and did the same. The woman jerked and her eyes began to open.

 

“Oh,” she groaned extensively and then lifted her hand to stop the bright light that was shining in her eyes.

 

John questioned, “Are you all right?”

 

Ann flinched at the strange man she did not know and could not see properly before she questioned, “What? What happened? “Who are you, what’s going on and can you get that light out of my eyes?”

 

“My name is John and I’m a resident of this building,” he said to ease her uncertainties.

 

Ann suddenly said worriedly, interrupting John, “Honey?”

 

Instantly beginning to pull her body up into a seated position, Ann groaned as a vicious pain scorched through the back of her skull and she cried out, “My goodness.”

 

“Take it slowly,” John suggested.

 

Ann turned and looked at him again, more easily this time but then she glanced down at Honey beside her. Moving quickly, despite her pain and discomfort, she swung around and onto her knees and her fingers went immediately to the pulse in Honey’s neck. Feeling a light though slow beat she was to a minor degree relieved but the pace of Honey’s pulse worried her.

 

Very concerned, Ann asked, “Do you have a phone, could you please call an ambulance?”

 

“There’s already one on the way, along with the police,” John replied.

 

Ann asked, “Already? Police? Why?”

 

“There’s been a disturbance upstairs and I called nine-one-one. It’s the reason I came down and how I found you and your friend,” John explained.

 

Questioningly she said, “Disturbance?

 

“Yes. Young Billy upstairs has had some sort of problem,” John clarified.

 

Ann said, now even more mystified, “Billy? He’s the person we were here to see. Is he all right?”

 

“I’m not sure but his neighbor, Nick, is with him,” John answered.

 

Ann requested, “Could you shine the torch on Honey’s face?”

 

John looked at her curiously but did as she said and then watched as she raised Honey’s eyelids to look at her eyes.

 

John suggested, “Maybe you should wait for the paramedics and let a professional look after your friend.”

 

“I’m a doctor,” Ann said and then checked Honey’s pulse in her wrist and again in her neck. She assumed a worried expression and then asked, “When is the ambulance due?”

 

“I would guess, soon,” John replied.

 

Ann asked, “Please, will you stay with Honey for a few minutes while I go and check on Billy?”

 

“Of course,” he said and Ann rose gingerly to her feet and began to ascend the stairs.

 

Upstairs, Nick was afraid. Billy was quiet and his eyes were closed. Nick was certain how much he cared about Billy and subsequently, of how afraid he was becoming. He could not stop himself from thinking that he was about to lose Billy, like he did everyone else. He wondered if Billy was going to die in his arms.

 

Nick yelled, frustrated and for no one to hear, “Where are the fucking paramedics?”

 

Yet again he started calling Billy’s name, wishing and begging that Billy would open his eyes and then finally, he did.

 

Nick’s relief was overwhelming but then he thought he had to pretend everything was okay. He decided to be like Billy and to talk to him in a light hearted manner.

 

Nick said, “Are you trying to get a better scar then mine?”

 

Billy looked at him distantly but then his eyelids began to close.

 

Nick said desperately, “Billy?”

 

Billy’s eyelids lifted slowly, his dazed condition growing even heavier and a glazed look in his eyes. He looked at Nick with uncertainty, while not comprehending exactly what was happening or what it was that Nick was referring to. A confused expression crossed his face.

 

Billy asked, his voice lower and quieter, “What are you talking about, Nick?”

 

“You’ve got a cut across your eyebrow like mine,” Nick replied.

 

“Oh, I didn’t know,” he said and momentarily wondered how he got it.

 

“You need to stay awake, Billy. The ambulance should be here soon,” Nick said while trying to hide that he was going out of his mind with concern.

 

Billy was beginning to lose consciousness but as he began to drift, Nick’s words went through his head about his eyebrow. He saw a vague flash of the associated memory of kissing the cut over Nick’s eye.

 

“Maybe you could kiss it better for me like I did to yours,” he said obliviously of what he was actually revealing to Nick.

 

Nick said, not understanding, “What?”

 

Instantly, knowing he did not care whether he understood or how such an occurrence could even be possible; Nick smiled, pulled Billy closer and then kissed the blood covered cut. When he lowered him back down, Billy was fading into unconsciousness.

 

Nick called loudly, “Billy? Billy, wake up. Billy?”

 

“Oh my goodness,” Ann said as she stepped through the doorway and surveyed all the damage. She then asked, “What happened to him?”

 

As Ann began to walk inside, Nick asked while protectively pulling Billy closer, “Who are you?”

 

“My name is Ann Albury, I’m a doctor and I’m also Billy’s friend. Oh dear me,” she said as she drew closer and then looked down and saw the state Billy was in.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Nick said relieved, before explaining, “He’s losing consciousness and I was worried because I remember hearing somewhere that you had to keep people awake but I can’t remember why or what for.”

 

Ann kicked a pile of books out of the way and knelt down in front of the men, reaching for Billy’s wrist, “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”

 

“No, I wasn’t here but I think they must have crashed into the bookcase and that’s how he got all these cuts. I guess he hit his head pretty hard to get that gash over his eye and to bust his lip like that. I’m worried he might be getting a concussion or have one or whatever. I’m also really worried about this cut to his chest. I’ve been keeping pressure on it but it won’t stop bleeding,” Nick said.

 

“You’ve been doing all the right things. Lift your hand and let me see,” Ann directed.

 

Nick slowly pulled his hand away and allowed Ann to examine the long gash.

 

“It’s quite long but not deep and I think it looks worse than it is. I’m more worried that you said you’ve been trying to keep him awake. Billy,” Ann said loudly while shaking him firmly until his eyes opened slowly.

 

Billy said with surprise, “Ann?”

 

“Yes, Billy, it’s me. That’s a good sign that he knows me,” she said as she looked at Nick and Nick nodded with relief.

 

“Ann, this is Nick,” he said pointedly with a hopeful pride and then smiled happily at her.

 

“That’s another good sign,” she said, glancing at Nick again.

 

“Hey, I’m here too, you know,” Billy said feeling left out.

 

“Yes Billy, we know and you’re the centre of attention, trust me.”

 

“Oh,” he replied with a grin and began to let the weight close his eyes again.

 

“Billy? Stay awake,” she said forcefully.

 

“I feel so tired,” Billy said.

 

Ann replied, “Yes, I know you do but you need to stay awake.”

 

“Okay,” he said.

 

“Billy, promise me you’ll try as hard as you can to stay awake,” Ann added.

 

“I promise,” he said and then he stared up at Nick in awe of the handsome man he loved.

 

Nick grinned at the expression on Billy’s face but then he realized what existed within the look that was directed at him. It was nothing he had not seen before but suddenly it contained everything he had never realized. He gently caressed his thumb over Billy’s cheek and then winked at him.

 

Ann asked as she stood up and walked toward Bobby’s position, “Who is this?”

 

“It’s Billy’s brother, Bobby. He’s the cause of this,” Nick replied.

 

“That explains it,” she said as she knelt beside him to see if he was alive.

 

Nick asked, “What do you mean that explains it?”

 

“It’s a long story, Nick. It’s a story whose details I am not fully clued in on but suffice to say, there’s a history here,” Ann said.

 

“Ann, something happened. Before Nick came through the door, Bobby didn’t recognize me or know where he was? He seemed like a total stranger to me,” Billy said.

 

Ann acknowledged with a nod but there was an odd expression on her face as she looked back down at Bobby. “I think we may need a couple of ambulance and I need to get back downstairs to Honey.”

 

Nick said with curiosity, “Honey?”

 

Billy’s voice followed almost synchronously “Honey? Why is she downstairs?”

 

“I think Bobby may have attacked us before he came up to you, Billy. We were both knocked out and Honey is still unconscious. I need to get down to her and speak to the paramedics as well.”

 

“Nick, take me down to Honey,” Billy said worriedly.

 

“No,” Ann said. “You stay right where you are and wait. There’s nothing you can do because she’s still unconscious and so you can’t talk to her.”

 

“Jesus,” Nick said in disbelief, as he looked over at Bobby vindictively.

 

“Nick, just keep him here with you and keep him still. I’ll be back,” Ann said.

 

“No worries, mate,” Billy said and grinned.

 

Ann snorted with ironic amusement. She shook her head at Billy but then her face resumed its concerned expression, as she continued passed them and out through the doorway.

 

John’s head turned toward the building door as he heard the approaching sirens but then a moment later, he turned back as he heard a quiet moan come from the woman lying on the floor at his knees.

 

“Lady,” he called out to Ann but then thinking that was wrong and perhaps disrespectful, he called again, “Doctor?”

 

Ann replied as she turned to descend the last flight of stairs, “Yes?”

 

“Your friend just made a sound,” John exclaimed.

 

Ann hastened down the rest of the stairs and was kneeling beside Honey in a few seconds. She said firmly but very worriedly, “Honey? Honey?”

 

“The police are here,” John said and Ann turned also and looked out the door.

 

Over the next twenty to thirty minutes, following conversations and explanations, another ambulance was called to the scene and Honey, Billy and Bobby were transported to the hospital.

 

Initially there was nothing the police could do but charges were expected to be laid against Bobby, despite there being uncertainty to the question of his mental health. Ann had thrown her considerable weight around with the paramedics, telling them she was fine, not a patient and was a specialist doctor and that she expected to be allowed to sit in the back with Honey. Nick told Billy he would be with him soon but first he wanted to secure the apartment.

 

The moment the block was back to its usual peace and quiet, John offered Nick some help and also the required tools to adequately fix the door. Once that was done, John returned to his home and Nick cleaned and straightened up Billy’s apartment to the best of his ability. He also realized something was still baking in the oven and he turned it off. Finally, after finding Billy’s keys, he returned to his own apartment to change his blood stained clothes and to prepare himself for what he expected would be a lengthy night.

 

To be continued...