Chapter 17 

 

Tuesday night was extremely calm. It was strangely quiet and the unusual still, engendered both a peaceful and yet unsettling quality to the outlying edges of the city. It was beautifully warm due to the thick and dark cloud mass, which had rolled over the city late in the afternoon, effectively imprisoning the heat. The sky had been vanquished and subsequently, neither a star nor the moon was visible. For whatever reason, there was also barely any traffic on the roads. It seemed as if suburban Detroit had been encased in a black heat, mysteriously shrouding the usual sounds of life within it.

 

In the darkness of a public park, a man in black and indecipherable dark colors, moved slowly and almost silently around its boundary. All four boundaries were thick with well-established trees. There was about his mien and movement, the insidious nature of a predator, a wild animal with one intention, the elimination of a destructive hunger, ripping at its consciousness and core. He prowled instinctively, searching for prey, stalking not to harm but to feed temporarily, through his denial, guilt and shame.

 

Another, though younger man, entered the park from the opposite side, also with a hunger. Though the same, they were worlds apart. The younger man was filled with life and desire, a need to be free and to display his truth. His hunger was equally primal but its ends were for a disparate liberation. His light grey sweat pants made him more visible and his naked upper body, though tanned, was also conspicuous, as he paused beneath an overhead light. It was his desire to let his presence be seen. His left hand slid seductively over a rolling chest of muscle but it was muscle for display alone and not about power or strength. His right hand brushed the tenting material, which with no underwear and only flesh beneath it, the garment was incapable of a subduing control. After walking for a few minutes, his path began to curve like a snake, as he moved inward and outward along the tree line. His intentions though enigmatic, seemingly defined.

 

As if aware of a seductive scent, both turned and pursued a conflating path. Though time was irrelevant in each respective mind, it was mere minutes until within the deepest shadows of the trees, their silhouettes formed from shapeless dark matter, into specific and recognizable distinctiveness. Tensions inflated, breathing heightened and muscles contracted, as if to signal caution amidst ignored uncertainty.

 

Luring into an undetermined snare, the darkly clothed silhouette continued slowly forward and as both sets of eyes began to decipher facial features, the older of the two dragged the black sweatshirt over his head, revealing almost porcelain-like, white skin, which stretched tightly over a thick and hard, powerful body. The younger man’s cock grew harder and he stopped and stared at the final approach of a distinctly imposing shape and strength.

 

Halted, face-to-face and no less then ten inches apart, the younger man smiled and whispered, “Hi.” The other man stared back, seemingly impassively, though it was stoicism in its purist state. He said nothing but nodded his head in acknowledgement. He looked down and saw the impression of an erection against the pale grey material. His gaze fixed upon it and the younger man pulled his waistband down beneath his scrotum, revealing an unyielding bone of rigidity. Thinking highly of his own looks and body, the young man expected a hand to encircle and squeeze and begin the relief he required, while his legs quivered with the anticipation of his desire.

 

Seeking to maintain control, the white skinned man stepped away and then leaned against a tree, facing the younger man once again. He pressed his palm against the back of his head, as his body pressed to the solidness of the tree’s trunk, his upper arm flexed tightly to enlarge his already huge biceps. He inhaled and forced his massive chest to inflate and distend, while his right hand moved to seductively stroke a burgeoning cock growth. He watched as the young man’s lust and desire dissolved his control, the white-skinned man waiting dominantly for him to step into his submission.

 

Want and need was all the younger man could reason, as he took his first step toward a body he had only dreamt of. He had to unleash the imagined monster from within the dark green, camouflage pants. With his second step his hands were already reaching toward the belt. His cock was a painful and throbbing reminder of his desperateness and he could barely drag his eyes from the deep red nipples on the pure white skin, which in this darkness, were an illusionary black. They were large in diameter and also protrusive and on top of such heavily worked pectorals, they drew the younger man as if enchanted. In addition, intrigue counseled his actions, as the unique skin color captivated his desire for the body.

 

Even in the thickness of the unusual darkness that shrouded almost every unlit location, somehow this skin seemed to shine. It was almost as if it retained the light of day, radiating it like a veiled lamp. It was so smooth and its tautness amplified the luminosity and added to its sensual magnetism.

 

The younger man’s fingers slid the belt, unhitched the button and unzipped the zip and without assistance, the pants dropped to the ground. The white skinned man also wore nothing beneath his pants and an equally hard erection, though thicker, stood staring skyward.

 

“Suck it,” the white skinned man said assertively and as if without power or reason, the younger man fell to his knees and his mouth received hungrily without pause. The man stood perfectly still against the tree, all of his muscles and tendons contorted and stretched, as his body filled with relief and his mind screamed in denial. The mouth was hot, wet and wonderful and it drew a thick slather of pre-come to smear and sensitize a flaring crown. With a tongue that danced and embraced, electric messages of overwhelmed satisfaction, made the white skinned man’s body tingle and his heart begin to beat hard.

 

The white skinned man’s actions were long overdue, his feelings impossible to ignore and his thoughts and beliefs were suddenly too quiet to interfere or be heard. The younger man unexpectedly took him just that much harder and deeper, causing the man’s body to shudder and spasm and to fill the mouth with a hot and thick pool it consumed.

 

In a silent reverie of dysfunction, from behind closed eyes he felt the younger man rising up, licking his body and then sucking a nipple. The younger man licked his chest before rising to kiss his lips and tongue his mouth. The man could not or would not open his eyes to the deliciousness he embraced. He then heard the two words from the younger man that begged him to do what he wanted most.

 

Moments later, on the grass beneath the trees, his volatility merged within his thrusting movements and he penetrated the younger man with explosive passion. It seemed he was trying to drive hidden demons from within his body, as if somehow he could expel the last of his monsters into the naked body on the grass. Still his hands caressed the male form for which he yearned and he held the younger man’s erection with a desire to never let it go. In the moment that followed the last rendering of his body to his shivering tremors, he severed their connection violently and then he was running furiously, flight with no fight; escape his only understanding.

 

Emerging from the park onto a street, he did not stop running but instead increased his pace. With each step that provided greater distance, his shame and self-deprecation transformed, with anger and self-hatred its destination. Eventually he slowed to a walk and stopped beneath a streetlight, leaning and breathing heavily, while his legs and lungs endured an unwanted exertion. Sweat covered his blood filled, white face and his heavily cropped but neat, black hair, glistened beneath the streetlight, as perspiration dampened it through his scalp. His fingers scraped down over his face, revealing his highly stressed and frustrated appearance, while his eyes showed a man struggling deeply at his core.

 

The man unleashed a mighty roar of fury and struck the pole with his fist, as two distinct sides of his personality warred with each other. He pulled the black sweatshirt back over his incredibly taut and hard, chiseled torso and adjusted the hold of his belt.

 

Somehow, his partial nakedness now negated, he once again felt secure from flesh and with that simple physical alteration, regular thoughts and beliefs, as well as critical judgments, once again adorned his character. His hunch straightened, his shoulders broadened and his physical presence of dominance and strength reappeared. He looked at the enormous, masculine watch on his wrist and realizing the time, he adjusted his direction and began to walk with a purpose.

 

***

 

Still lying on his bed, Nick had not moved since speaking with Michelle and Eric on the phone. He yawned as he felt a slow, growing tiredness, now beyond its initial stages. He knew it was because of the small amount of sleep from the night before but he also knew that with the combination of a hard day’s work, as well as the overall emotionalism of the past twenty-four hours and the sudden realization of how he felt about Billy, there was a degree of exhaustion catching up to him. His tiredness was not just physical and he was surprised he was not even more tired then he was.

 

The barrage of thoughts about Billy seemed unstoppable. Nick kept pushing his mind to other subjects and places but somehow it kept swinging back to the younger man next door. He tried to think about work but it reminded him of Billy asking him what he did for work and their subsequent banter about chainsaws. He started thinking about buying his new pickup but remembered his desire and request to have Billy accompany him. Again he altered the path of his thoughts, forcing his mind to Eric and Michelle who had no connection to Billy. He thought about his foolish offer of dinner and drinks and wondered how he could get out of it without being rude. Once again however, he remembered that Billy was a chef and wondered if he could get Billy to help him out. His eyes rolled and he sighed at his inability to get Billy off his mind, however, he then thought that perhaps it was not such a bad idea.

 

Nick’s eyes lit up. This was a way he could see Billy and he could do it immediately. He stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked clean and fresh but casual. He looked at the white t-shirt he was wearing and then thinking about what Eric had said to him, he dragged it over his head. He rummaged his fingers through his hair, re-establishing its chaotic though attractive appearance, as it fell naturally and stylishly into place. He decided he did not look too bad and then he turned and headed for his front door.

 

Standing in front of Billy’s door, staring through the darkness at the wooden surface in front of him, Nick was feeling incredibly nervous from his hidden agenda. It filled his mind even though he knew that to Billy, this would be considered as nothing more than a visit to request a favor. Still it was extremely hard for him to knock on the door. Finally with an internal push, he raised his hand and rapped his knuckles gently and then stood waiting, his stomach swirling within.

 

The door opened moments later and Billy’s face transformed to a bright and happy smile, his eyes excited but also containing surprise. Nick specifically watched to see his reaction and he was pleased by what he saw. He also noticed with great satisfaction, Billy’s eyes had scanned down over his chest and body.

 

With his usual comic relief that was accompanied by his kindly grin, all of which were deceptive as he tried to hide his disbelief that Nick was at his door, Billy asked, “Nick, to what do I owe this pleasure or are you here to set me on fire, as opposed to drowning me?”

 

Nick laughed but immediately noticed the warm and relaxed feelings that swam throughout his body. He fell into sync with Billy unconsciously, as the young man seemed to relieve all the pressure, at least temporarily.

 

“No, I bought a new chainsaw,” he replied with the exaggerated eyes of a psychopath.

 

Billy laughed but rolled his eyes and said, “I think we already covered this subject, Nick. We decided you’re going to keep me alive to cook for you.”

 

“Actually, Billy, that’s why I’m here. I have a favor to ask of you,” Nick said.

 

“Come in,” Billy invited.

 

Billy was more than happy because Nick had never come to his door, let alone been into his apartment and he most certainly had never asked him for a favor, apart from his request for something to eat on Saturday night. He told Nick to sit down wherever he wanted and they walked to the couch and sat down beside each other but angled so they were facing. Before they were even settled, Billy asked if Nick would like a coffee.

 

“Thanks but no thanks,” Nick replied and then wondered if that was the wrong thing to say.

 

Billy asked, “Can I get you anything at all?”

 

“No, I’m good, thanks, Billy,” he said, deciding he had to stop second-guessing his every decision.

 

“So what can I do for you, Nick?”

 

“Well Billy, I sort of got myself into a bit of a predicament.”

 

Billy said jokingly, “Another one?”

 

“It seems so, Billy. You see I made this thoughtless offer to my friend Eric and his wife Michelle. I invited them for dinner and drinks on Saturday night and um, well, as I sort of covered last Saturday night, I’m not a cook and consistently burn the air in empty pots and pans, so, um, well, I was wondering if you could help me out? I mean, you told me this afternoon you were a chef and if you’re not busy on that night and you’d be willing…” Nick said but trailed off, as he wondered if he was being too forward and asking far too much.

 

“Of course, Nick,” Billy said as he grinned at Nick’s hesitance and uncertainty. “I’d love to,” he added, a little too excitedly.

 

Billy simply could not refuse any reason to get closer to Nick or to spend some time with him. He thought this was an opportunity to get to know him better. In addition, the seeds of fantasy were also nourished by the request.

 

Billy then added as an afterthought, “You’ll have to let me know what you want to eat so I can get what’s needed but yeah, absolutely.”

 

Nick was surprised how quick and agreeable Billy was but he was pleased nonetheless and replied, “I hadn’t thought about that but nothing too fancy. I was just thinking about a simple meal. I really don’t know. Maybe you could come up with an idea that could feed four people enjoyably.”

 

Billy questioned while wondering if Nick was going to have a date,” “Four?”

 

“Of course, Billy; Michelle and Eric, as well as you and me. You don’t think I’d be so rude and presumptuous as to ask you to come and cook a meal for my guests and me and then expect you to leave when it’s done. I want you to be there with us.”

 

“Oh, okay. Sure. I’d like that, Nick.”

 

“As would I,” Nick said confidently but he was surprised that Billy was prepared to do it for him without being invited to stay and participate.

 

“Are your friends okay with eating meat? I mean they’re not vegans, are they?”

 

“Honestly, Billy, I don’t know but I can find out and let you know. I’m sorry, I must sound pretty inept to you but I’ve never even thought of doing something like this and it just sort of popped out of my mouth. I’ve been regretting it ever since but then a few minutes ago I thought of you, the master chef next door and thought that maybe you could rescue me again,” he said with a hopeful expression.

 

“Well it does seem like it might become a bit of a habit but you’re lucky I like you Nick Rawlins and that my selflessness allows for me to service your needy nature,” Billy replied humorously while ambiguously and then brushed at the hair on his forehead yet again, which Nick noticed for the second time that day.

 

“Careful, Billy. Not being a capable man in all areas of life, I’m likely to take advantage of you and your good nature and get you to service my neediness more often,” Nick said.

 

Nick could not believe what he had said but it popped out of his mouth like his invitation to Eric. He wondered why his mouth was suddenly working without his brain. However, considering Billy’s previous reply, his response made some vague sense and then he wondered if there was more to Billy’s words than could be read between the lines. It made him think of what Eric had said to him about the truth existing within the general.

 

“Nick, you’re welcome to take advantage of me,” Billy said, his eyes serious and his face a little flushed.

 

Billy’s remark gave Nick pause. He thought it was definitely bordering between innocence and ambiguity and he was now beginning to think that Eric could possibly be right. Still, uncertainty was a little devil on his shoulder and he did not want to push his luck. He thought there was time to learn more and to become more certain. He gave no thought to whether it was patience or apprehension influencing his decision; he simply felt like he should leave and give the changes time. He thought that was reasonable. After all, this sort of thing was new to him and he thought there was a slight possibility that because he was feeling the way he did, he might be trying to see things where they were non-existent.

 

Nick asked, “So if I find out about Eric and Michelle’s eating habits and let you know, you’re sure you’ll be okay with this?”

 

“Yes, I’m certain. I’d love to do this for you, Nick,” Billy replied.

 

It really was quite obvious that Billy was happy to cook dinner and had no qualms about helping him out in the process. Billy seemed to be very happy with the idea of spending time with him and that thought gave Nick a warm feeling.

 

“You know, I’ve been thinking that we seem to get on really well, Billy.”

 

“Yeah, I was starting to notice that as well, Nick.”

 

“Do you like movies, Billy?”

 

“Yeah, I love them,” Billy replied.

 

Trying to make it all sound as casual as he could, Nick said, “I do too. It seems in recent months I’ve been watching DVD’s all the time when I’m not doing other things. They’ve become one of my biggest pastimes. Would you be interested in coming over occasionally and watching some with me, when it suits you, of course?”

 

“Yeah, Nick, I’d really love that,” Billy said, again with excitement and a very happy smile.

 

“Great! Well I really should get going. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I was hoping to get an early night tonight,” he said truthfully but also to justify his desire to leave before he said something wrong. From a pessimistic perspective, Nick also did not want this growing picture, which was looking promising, to suddenly turn into something else less satisfying.

 

“Nick, it’s only just gone seven o’clock, how long do you plan on sleeping for?”

 

“I only slept for two hours before I had to get up and go to work this morning, so I’m beginning to feel very tired. I need to make myself some dinner as well and then after that I think I’ll turn in for the night,” Nick replied.

 

Billy offered, “Would you like to have dinner here? I’ve got a couple of friends coming over and there’s plenty to eat?”

 

“I’ve been noticing the smell and it smells great but I’m really tired and I don’t think I’d make for great company, Billy,” Nick said.

 

Billy was gazing at Nick like he so often did and he said, “You’re always good company but okay, maybe another time?”

 

“Sure,” Nick replied.

 

Billy wished that Nick had said yes but he understood. He also thought it would give him the opportunity to discuss with Honey and Ann, some of the subtle changes he had just noticed in Nick. “Okay, Nick, well I won’t keep you and thanks for dropping in.”

 

“No, thank you, Billy. I really do appreciate your willingness to help me out,” Nick said.

 

“You’re very welcome, Nick. Anytime you need something, don’t hesitate to come and see me,” Billy replied.

 

“Maybe I’ll just drop in to say hello without needing to ask you for something,” Nick said to feel the situation out even further.

 

“You’re more than welcome, Nick. I always enjoy our times together, so anytime.”

 

“Thanks, Billy,” Nick said with a delighted smile.

 

“Oh, one more question, Nick. Is this just a social dinner or is there some particular occasion involved?”

 

“Actually yes, there is an occasion, although I didn’t mention it to Michelle or Eric. It’s their third anniversary on Sunday and I thought it would be nice to invite them for dinner and drinks but not tell them that it was for them. It was why I said Saturday and not Sunday. I assumed they would have plans on their special day and night and so this way I thought I could kill two birds with one stone. You see, I’ve known Eric for four years and Michelle for three but like you, Billy, in a way they’re only new friends and I want to encourage how much I appreciate them.”

 

“I think that’s really nice of you, Nick. I’m sure the two of us together can make it a special night for them and one that we all can enjoy. It seems to me they’re getting a very good friend in you and that they, too, should appreciate you and how lucky they are,” Billy said.

 

Nick’s smile was even more delighted and he replied, “It’s funny you should say something like that because it’s what I was thinking I wanted to say to you. In fact, I really should let you know how much I’ve come to appreciate you. You’re a special guy.”

 

Billy’s face flushed heatedly. The words were warm and sincere and Billy could barely believe that Nick had said something of that nature to him. He thought it was wonderful to hear.

 

“Thank you, Nick. You’re important to me as well. I’d like it if we could be - close,” he said, changing the word from friends to close at the last moment.

 

“I’d like that as well,” Nick said but then feeling a little overwhelmed, he stood up immediately and turned away to walk to the door.

 

Billy stood and followed but as Nick’s hand reached to open the door, Billy’s hand came to rest on Nick’s naked back and he told him not to touch the door handle.

 

Nick asked as he stopped abruptly, “Why? What’s wrong with it?”

 

Billy let his hand slide down over the smooth skin, as he took another small step to complete the distance between them. Nick half turned but Billy’s hand stayed warmly on Nick’s back.

 

“Nothing. It’s just an old wives tale but they say on your first visit to someone’s home, you should never open the door to let yourself out because apparently it’s bad luck,” he explained.

 

Nick asked, “How so?”

 

“They say it means if you let yourself out you won’t come back and I’m not willing to take that chance with you, Nick.”

 

“In that case, simply because I’d like to come back, I’m not prepared to risk it either. I suppose you’ll have to open the door for me, otherwise I’ll have to move in with you,” Nick said light heartedly but curious as to what Billy’s response would be.

 

“Well Nick, our apartments are only one bedroom and you would have to sleep in my room with me, unless you wanted to sleep on the couch.”

 

Nick was truly surprised by Billy’s response but he was definitely pleased with the answer. It set his mind alight with interest but he kept his expression neutral.

 

“You know, Billy, you are so accommodating to me. I’ve never known anyone like you. Maybe we really shouldn’t take the chance and you should open the door,” Nick said.

 

“I’m all for that,” Billy said and then he reached and opened the door to let Nick out.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Billy,” Nick said with an unseen smile as he stepped outside.

 

Billy joked, “No hose in your hand, I hope?”

 

“Never again, Billy. I promise. Bye,” Nick said.

 

“Bye, Nick,” Billy replied.

 

Nick turned around and watched as Billy’s door closed and then he walked back inside. He was filled with high hopes and was very happy with the way it had gone. There had been so many things said that were double-edged but still very pointed in ways that seemed to confirm what Eric had said.

 

“Maybe there’s a clear light at the end of the tunnel,” he thought.

 

Nick walked back into his room and with a degree of relief, as well as hopeful expectations of what the future could hold, he dropped himself onto his bed and began running the conversation through his mind once more.

 

To be continued...