Part Three
Tides Turn

Chapter 9
The Question

 

Eli opened his eyes slowly, the effect of a very deep sleep weighing heavily, his mind initially struggling to process anything. The first piece of sense data was a very well lit bedroom, daylight streaming in and making his surroundings clear and bright. He was still tired and groggy and his conscious mind had barely moved into first gear. His first real thought was he had not slept so comfortably or deeply in years.

 

“It must be the bed,” he thought.

 

It was the knowledge of a bed that made him think he did not know where he was. He had no bed of his own, which confirmed he was sleeping somewhere else. He forced his eyes to open wider and he began to scan his visual surrounds. There was furniture and the ceiling and walls were clean.

 

He glanced down and saw that there was carpet on the floor. This definitely was not the squat where he spent most of his nights. He wondered where the fuck he was and then realised that not only was the mattress comfortable but the sheet smelt clean and were light blue. The pillow beneath his head was thick and firm and his whole body felt relaxed and good.

 

“Did I pick up some wealthy mark to rip off?”

 

He looked over at the desk to the side of the bed and then he glanced at the desktop computer. He instantly thought it could bring a fair price.

 

It was a slight movement behind him that confirmed he was in bed with some stranger. He imagined some wealthy and mature man was naked behind him but then Dane’s face flashed into his mind.

 

Following that flash of recall, everything came flooding back. He remembered meeting Dane and then fucking him down by the harbour. He remembered going home with him, the blowjob and becoming emotionally terrified. He then remembered running down the deserted main road until he reached the headland. He remembered Dane finding him, he remembered feeling guilty and as a consequence, deciding to go back to Dane’s home.

 

Eli’s expression changed rapidly, as he remembered their conversation. He had told Dane the truth, he had told him about his past and he had even told him about Ben. In his newly wakened state, Eli was unnerved by his previous actions and a moment later he felt an unaccustomed vulnerability. It came from the idea that he had given too much power to another person. He had broken all of his rules. It was then that the memories of how he had come to feel about Dane the night before, reaffirmed their power over him.

 

“Are you delusional?”

 

The question came from a place that was used to habitual choices and an accepted way of life but then curiously, consciously trying not to disturb the bed, he lifted and turned his body so he could see the man behind him. In a way, Eli did not believe the picture of Dane in his mind was going to be the same in reality. Somehow he suspected his feelings and thoughts had gilded the man into more than he could truly be.

 

Once Eli was facing in the opposite direction, he discovered the picture in his mind was accurate. He gazed at the younger, sleeping man. He was lying on his side facing Eli. The sheet on Dane’s side of the bed was only covering his legs to halfway up his thighs and the rest of the material had fallen between them. Dane’s naked body was as defined and firm as Eli remembered while the peaceful, sleeping face was so handsome.

 

Remembering the blue eyes, which were now hidden beneath closed eyelids, he also remembered how those eyes had unsettled him. He lifted his hand away from the mattress and moved it toward Dane’s face. He stroked his fingertips upward from his cheek and then let them glide through the fine strands of blonde hair around his ear. The touch reconnected Eli to the feelings he had experienced the previous night and his heart began to beat faster. Soon his emotions were roiling, as need and fear began to battle again. Swiftly and habitually, he was focusing on the voice of fear.

 

“This isn’t a smart idea,” he thought.

 

Questioning the desire growing within him, still he lowered his hand and caressed his fingers over Dane’s lightly tanned chest, running them through the small tuft of blonde hair that grew above his sternum.

 

An unexpected need filled him, a desire to slide over and pull Dane into his arms. He wanted to feel his body against him and he also wanted to make love to him. As if it were unreasonable, Eli questioned the phrasing of his thought.

 

“I want to fuck him; not make love to him.”

 

Another silent thought told him his correction was wrong and the former was right. He did not just want to fuck Dane, he wanted to make love to him, he wanted to be closer to him and he really wanted to kiss him again. This change, though, once again made him feel unsettled deep within.

 

“Shit. This is definitely not a smart idea,” he thought but then his cock began to rise from the emotional impact he was experiencing, as he continued to gaze at Dane’s naked and unthreatening being.

 

“Get out of this bed, don’t wake him and get the fuck out of this house.”

 

His fear revisited like an afternoon summer storm following a magnificent summer’s day but at the moment the words in his mind concluded, Dane’s eyelids parted.

 

The smile was instant before in a croaky voice, Dane said, “What a great sight to wake up to. I have to admit I’m a little surprised you’re still here. My last thought before I went to sleep was that I’d wake up alone and I’d never see you again. I’m glad you didn’t run.”

 

“The thought didn’t even cross my mind,” Eli lied, his expression stolid.

 

“Good because I really want to get to know you better, Eli.”

 

“You know more about me than anyone knows,” Eli replied.

 

“Maybe but I want to know everything about you.

 

“There isn’t much more to tell,” Eli said.

 

“I’m not just talking about events and circumstances, Eli, I’m talking about your thoughts and feelings and your beliefs and attitudes. I want to know you, Eli. Even though you told me all those things last night, I still don’t know you.”

 

“I’m not really very interesting,” Eli remarked self-consciously.

 

“I’d like to determine that for myself.”

 

Eli grinned and joked, “When you discover I’m boring and uninteresting, what then?”

 

Hearing the self-demeaning tone hidden beneath Eli’s obviously fraudulent smile, Dane’s eyes changed as his mind began to swiftly tick over. He looked at Eli and grinned but then his expression changed and with a tone of voice that was blasé, he replied, “I’m fundamentally superficial. Don’t believe anything I said to you last night, Eli. Telling you I want to get to know you is just a deception on my part. It’s all just flattery so I can get hold of that exceptional body and that extremely satisfying cock, for as long as I want them. After I’m finished with them I’ll throw you away like an old newspaper and then go out and find some new man to replace you. It’d probably be best if you simply satisfy my needs and desires and when your done, you can fuck off back to your boring existence.”

 

Recalling all the personal things Dane had revealed the previous night, Eli remembered Dane’s struggle to admit his truth and he remembered the self-doubt, the insecurity and the uncertainty. He grinned at the obvious bullshit Dane was offering him now. It amused Eli even more because Ben used to use the same self-aggrandising sort of humour on him.

 

Eli replied, “Is that right?”

 

Dane’s serious expression tightened and he said, “Well, you’re just some hot piece of beef I lured brilliantly into my snare. You didn’t even know that I was the predator and you were the prey. What other alternative could there be?”

 

Eli watched as Dane bit his bottom lip. He knew exactly what Dane was doing and Eli snorted before he said, “You’re about to break the skin on your lip, which you’re biting to stop yourself from laughing.”

 

Dane released his lip from the pressure of his teeth and his mouth formed an amused grin. Eli reached across and placed his fingers on Dane’s cheek, before he softly ran his thumb over the indentation on his lip. Dane sighed from Eli’s gentle touch and Eli was taken by the reaction.

 

Turning the tables however, Eli suggested, “You’re forgetting one thing.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I’ve already had you, twice in fact, Dane. Been there, done that, as they say. I’m already bored with you and I find you completely unattractive. I really don’t see any point in my hanging around and wasting my time on a man who does nothing for me. It’d be a pointless and frivolous waste of both of our times,” Eli shot back.

 

“God forbid we should waste our time on hot sex but Eli, your cock’s disposition is suggesting you’re being less than truthful with me,” Dane said with a huge smirk.

 

“Oh, no, Dane, my erection has nothing to do with you. Like most men, I wake up with a hard cock every morning, which I also did this morning. It was going down but it got hard again because I was distracting myself from this yawn of a conversation by imagining another naked man.”

 

Amused by Eli’s unexpected reply, Dane gave a fake huff of incensed disapproval, followed by the words, “How dare you?” Immediately he smiled and then he lunged forward on top of Eli, rolling him onto his back and coming to rest on the large chest.

 

The instant smile and laughter was pleasing to Dane. It was so nice to see a sincere smile and also to see Eli in jovial spirits. Dane’s smile was broad and he lowered his face and gently brought his lips seductively towards Eli’s. Eli lifted his head to accept the kiss but Dane pulled away abruptly and said, “I thought you weren’t interested in me anymore?”

 

“Shut up, Dane,” Eli said and then pulled him back down and kissed him.

 

Warmly embracing, their kiss was soft and sensuous but underneath, needful appetites and strong desires were growing. Both were holding onto the kiss, not wanting to allow it to end. If there was one thing that both men knew for certain, it was that they satisfied each other as they kissed. The cake was their attraction and emotional fulfilment while the icing was their growing sexual desires. Both of these things were intensifying. Their arms continued to tighten within their embrace and their hands and fingers caressed imploringly, discovering a familiarity of the body each touched and wanted.

 

Eli’s consciousness was almost completely consumed with how much he wanted Dane again. He wanted to keep him in his arms and he was even more certain he wanted him in his life. Still there was that nagging fear that questioned the direction he was allowing himself to go. He knew he wanted this and he knew he did not want to loose these feelings. Still, the voice in his head was not being silenced.

 

Dane was becoming more aware of the intensity of his need for Eli, which was not a feeling he was familiar with. It told him quite simply he had never felt the way he did with any other man at any other point in his life. Another person might have thought they were falling in love but for Dane, Eli was so unusual and everything that was happening was so new to him, he simply thought he wanted to grab hold of Eli and never let him go.

 

With caution still a prominent part of him, Dane began to question whether Eli really was the normal man he had proclaimed himself to be. What if he reverted back to the angry and volatile man? What if he really was nothing more than a wild thug that was curious about living a different life? Maybe the question he had wanted to pose to Eli was not such a good idea after all? Maybe he should forget about it and just let things take a course that his question would otherwise interfere with?

 

Suddenly Dane remembered the man he had unexpectedly seen in the early hours of the morning. The aggressive man was crying. He was pouring his heart out and stripping himself bare. Dane thought he was being too cautious again and that the broken man was real. He broke the kiss and pulled away. He did not want to get lost in his desire for this man, a man who made him feel so much.

 

“Man, I love the way you kiss me, Dane.”

 

“I love kissing you, Eli. I also love the way you kiss me back.”

 

“It’s a shame you ended it,” Eli said.

 

“There’s plenty more time for kissing, Eli; unless you have other ideas?”

 

“Unless I have other ideas? He doesn’t trust me and how could I blame him for that? I haven’t shown him anything to prove otherwise. I may have told him the truth last night but he can only take my word for it. He thinks I’m going to run again.”

 

“You don’t trust me and that’s okay because I wouldn’t trust me either. You’re worried that I won’t or can’t change and that I’ll continue to be that runaway that you met last night.”

 

“The thought did cross my mind. The thing is, though, that wasn’t why I broke the kiss,” Dane said.

 

“Then why?”

 

“I want a cup of coffee and I wanted to offer you one as well. I also want to talk to you. I know it’s a little odd, considering the heated direction that kiss was leading us but as I said, the way I see it, there’s plenty of time for that.”

 

“He’s talking like we could spend a lot more time together. Fuck, that’s what I want but maybe he doesn’t want it the way I want it?”

 

“It’s hard for me not to draw conclusions from a statement like that,” Eli said.

 

“Perhaps your conclusion is correct and perhaps I’m thinking what you think I’m thinking.”

 

Eli asked with a grin, “Now who’s the one being enigmatic?”

 

Dane asked, “Has it hooked your curiosity?”

 

“Yeah, it sure has,” Eli replied.

 

“Well, Eli, your response gives me hope, too. I guess we both need to hope that we’re on the same page but first I need my coffee. Do you want one?”

 

“You sound like a junky,” Eli said.

 

“First thing in the morning I am. If I don’t get my caffeine fix, well let’s just say you don’t want to be around me after the first half hour.”

 

“Sounds ominous,” Eli remarked.

 

“Did you ever see the movie, Alien?”

 

“Holy shit! The last thing I need is some monster inside of you breaking free so get to the kitchen and yes, I’d love a coffee,” Eli replied.

 

Dane began to move but then stopped and looked back at Eli again. It was all in the blink of an eye but a thought had filled his mind and he said with a grin, “Promise you won’t run away as soon as I leave the room?”

 

“I promise and you don’t need to tie me to the bed but if you want to, I’ll let you. As long as you’re not into bondage,” Eli replied with a soft laugh.

 

“I’ll be back shortly,” Dane said, disguising his relief with indifference and then he lifted his body from the bed and disappeared through the doorway.

 

“God damn it,” Eli thought, “What the fuck is it about this guy that drives me to distraction. He’s hot but there are plenty of hot men. He’s also smart but there are plenty of smart men too. He’s funny, he sensitive, he’s thoughtful and considerate and he’s generally a nice guy. There all good reasons but they still don’t explain why or how he makes me feel the way he does?”

 

Eli lifted the sheet and looked down at how hard he was. He knew that his erection was not just the standard morning glory most men got. Dane had made his cock reach the consistency of forged steal. Eli’s heart was beating just above normal, which was fairly standard under the circumstances of such a close and heated kiss but Eli was very aware of the feeling in his chest. It was physically tight but the feelings that accompanied the tightness were becoming claustrophobic. Oddly, those feelings also made him feel like he wanted to be imprisoned within the uncomfortable feelings.

 

“They’re not so much uncomfortable as they’re scary,” he whispered under his breath.

 

“You made your decision. You wanted to come back and you did. Why are you even arguing with yourself about this? You know you want to be here. You know you want to try and see if anything can come of this. You know you really like him so just get over it and give this situation a chance. Stop trying to control everything and start opening up to what’s in front of you,” Eli thought.

 

The thoughts in Eli’s mind went quiet. The doubt and fear were suddenly gone, even if only temporarily. He felt certain regarding his choice to stay but he also felt strong within the desire. His body relaxed and the subtle frown of hidden thoughts vanished from his face. He felt relief and as his erection began to recede, he suddenly felt the desperate urge to piss. He rose off the bed and went to use the toilet.

 

Dane walked out of the kitchen and down the hallway that led to his bedroom. He had a look of satisfaction on his face that was built upon an unusual foundation of contentment. While he was making the coffees, he had been considering the question he wanted to put to Eli. No matter whether he let his mind be positive or negative concerning it, the feeling beneath remained. It was a feeling that it was right and that if Eli’s response was what he hoped it would be, something good would come of it. He turned and stepped into the doorway but when he saw the empty bed, the liveliness in his face drained away like the blood was running out of his body.

 

Dane yelled in disbelief, “Fuck? Not again?”

 

Eli’s laughter burst out and filled the house before he yelled, “I’m using the toilet.”

 

Dane started laughing as well before he said, “I thought...”

 

“It’s pretty obvious what you thought,” Eli called out and then the sound of the toilet flushing overran everything.

 

Dane was still standing in the frame of the doorway and he turned around and looked toward the bathroom doorway. His expression was unnecessarily embarrassed and he was feeling foolish. Eli rinsed his hands and wiped them on the nearest towel and then walked out. The smile was still all over his face but it was not smug. It was pleased that Dane was upset from the thought of him leaving. Their eyes connected instantly as Eli walked toward Dane.

 

“Thank you,” Eli said.

 

“For what?”

 

“For showing me how you would’ve felt if I’d fucked-up again.”

 

Eli stopped right in front of Dane. He looked at the coffee mugs in each hand and then he bent the upper part of his body over them, so as to be certain not to cause them to spill, as he pressed his lips to Dane’s. Eli pulled away and looked at him, his eyes serious in their appraisal of the man they gazed upon.

 

Dane was looking back into Eli’s eyes and he felt as if he were being drawn to him like steal to a magnet. Those brown eyes were so soft underneath the serious look and he felt like he was falling into a wonderful abyss that he would not even try to save himself from.

 

Eli asked, “Do I get one of those or is the junky going to drink both of them?”

 

“Sorry, yeah, here,” Dane said stiltedly and offered one of the coffees to Eli. “I forgot to ask how you like your coffee and so I guessed white with two. It’s the standard, I think,” Dane explained.

 

“You probably should’ve just asked but you guessed correctly,” Eli said and took the mug out of his hand.

 

“Let’s get back on the bed,” Dane suggested.

 

Eli joked, “Why? Do you have plans I should know about?”

 

Dane liked the thought but he rolled his eyes at Eli like the remark was presumptuous. He then said, “Sadism and masochism, with me inflicting the pain and you accepting it.”

 

Straight-faced, Eli replied, “So nothing’s going to change then? You’re going to continue to cause me pain?”

 

“Fuck you, you smart arse,” Dane said.

 

“Smart arse? I prefer to think of it as a hot arse,” Eli said with an amused grin.

 

“Just get on the bed, Eli. Spare me the dismal attempts at humour.”

 

“I thought I was a great stand-up comedian,” Eli replied.

 

“Perhaps you would be, when and if you said something funny,” Dane said.

 

Walking to the opposite side of the bed, Dane had an unseen, mile-wide grin on his face. It was a dead give away of how happy Eli made him feel, in spite of the cautiousness of Dane’s controlled demeanour. He put his coffee down on the bedside chest of drawers and then turned and adjusted his pillow against the headboard, before lowering himself onto the bed. Eli watched his every movement and then followed his actions like an out of time reflection. Dane picked up his coffee and took a small, heat-cautious sip and then an immediate larger sip. He sighed with satisfaction from the familiar taste and then he turned and looked at Eli.

 

Eli asked, “Why so serious?”

 

“I want to ask you something,” Dane replied.

 

“Shoot,” Eli said.

 

Dane laughed before he said, “Do you ever think about anything but sex?”

 

“Sounds like you’re the one with sex on the brain but now who’s trying to be a stand-up comedian?”

 

“I’m a funny guy and I don’t need to try,” Dane said.

 

“I thought the same thing when I first saw your face,” Eli countered.

 

“Fuck you, Eli.”

 

“I’m a top only, sorry,” Eli shot back.

 

“I’m versatile but I can live with your limitations,” Dane said.

 

Eli laughed but now he felt his curiosity growing. He remembered that Dane had wanted to ask him a question before they went to sleep that morning. It had seemed important to him but Dane had said it could wait. Eli now associated it with Dane saying that he wanted to talk to him and then moments ago, saying that he wanted to ask him something. Eli was very curious and so rather than continuing with the light-hearted barbs, he returned to the point and asked, “So what did you want to ask me?”

 

Dane looked at Eli and then turned his head and looked away. He picked up his coffee and took another drink. He questioned himself once again as to whether he should do this but yet again, Dane felt that there was something going on between the two of them that was most definitely out of the ordinary.

 

“Eli, is it just me or do you also think that what’s happened between us is a little strange? I mean, doesn’t it seem to you as if…” he trailed off, wondering about the best way to phrase what he wanted to say.

 

Cutting in immediately, Eli said, “As if something brought us together for a reason?”

 

“Yeah, exactly,” Dane confirmed.

 

Eli was surprised to think that perhaps they were feeling similar feelings but then pessimistically, he decided the chance Dane could feel about him in the way he felt about Dane, were too good to be true.

 

“The thought certainly crossed my mind. In some ways it seems a little too good to be true,” Eli said, expanding the topic.

 

“I was thinking the same thing. Anyway, I had an idea after what you said last night and I’ve thought about it and I think it’s a good idea. Why don’t you move in here with me?”

 

Making an immediate presumption, Eli thought that Dane was suggesting share accommodation. It seemed the most reasonable answer to such a surprising offer. He was aware there was a second bedroom that he could move into. He had seen it when he first entered the house. When they walked into Dane’s bedroom for the first time the night before, he had asked who else lived in the house and Dane had said that it was his house and that he lived alone.

 

Considering how moving into the room would make things so much easier for him to begin his life again, still he knew he was in two-minds. Eli knew his feelings for Dane were more than that of a roommate or a friend. He was amazed by the offer but he was also a little disappointed. His deepest hopes were that some time down the track, he and Dane might be able to become like he and Ben had been.

 

With everything that had been going on, Eli had not even considered moving in with Dane. Since the early hours of the morning and now in the very late morning, the only thing that had crossed his mind was a desire to see Dane regularly. When his fear was not getting in the way, he wanted to get to know Dane and get closer to him and maybe one day become important to him.

 

Deep down, Eli had also hoped that Dane was already feeling the same way that he was feeling toward Dane. He did not even understand why he felt like this so soon but even so, he wanted them to be on equal terms. An offer of share accommodation was the last thing he had expected but also, somehow it seemed counter-productive to the new thoughts and desires in his mind where Dane was concerned.

 

Considering how he wanted them to get to know each other and maybe eventually fall in love and become partners; he wondered if he moved into the house with Dane, if spending so much time in close quarters while sleeping in different rooms, if it might interfere with something more growing between them. Would Dane become too used to seeing him and being with him that his feelings would become indifferent?

 

Eli suddenly thought that perhaps Dane was not interested in something more. Sure this offer was incredibly kind and generous but maybe if he did want something, maybe it was just sex. Eli knew from the way he was feeling, if he moved in with Dane, his feelings would only grow and that might make things difficult if Dane felt differently. He thought it would cause a problem between them if their hearts and minds were in different places. From that perspective, Eli decided moving in was a bad idea.

 

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Eli said.

 

Dane asked with subtle disappointment, “Why?”

 

“I don’t think it would work,” Eli replied.

 

Dane said, “I don’t understand. Why not?”

 

“I just don’t,” Eli said quietly with resignation.

 

Dane asked knowingly, “Eli, why did you come back after I left you on the headland?”

 

“I came back because I needed to apologise.”

 

“And?”

 

“I felt guilty.”

 

“And?”

 

“I felt bad.”

 

“And?”

 

“I don’t know,” Eli said while feeling pressured to reveal the truth.

 

Dane said, “Bullshit!”

 

Surprised, Eli replied, “What?”

 

“You felt it too, Eli. I know you felt it too.”

 

Once again Dane was saying they both felt something happening between them. Eli desperately wanted to believe that Dane was suggesting he wanted more. Eli knew Dane was right, at least about how he felt about Dane but as much as he wanted to say that yes he felt it too, still he could not be certain of what Dane was saying exactly. All of these little issues seemed like huge dramas to him and the feeling of risk made it hard for him to breathe.

 

Sixteen hours or so may have passed them by but how Eli felt yesterday and how he felt today was like the separation between the Arctic and Antarctica. It was natural that Eli’s feelings always ran deeply but at that moment he thought that they were running even more deeply in regard to what he wanted and needed from Dane. Eli suddenly wondered if he should reveal any of this at all. The old fears of loss and disappointment were building with each questioning thought.

 

Taking a huge step backwards to remove all the pressure he was putting on himself, Eli said, “I like you, Dane. I’d be very happy if we could get to know each other and become friends. Excluding Ben, I’ve never had a real friend, even though he was my boyfriend and I was in love with him. If you don’t see me as friend material but you wanted to see me occasionally for sex, then that’s okay too.”

 

Eli knew that what he wanted was far more than either of the two options he had just offered but he was uncertain of what Dane was hoping for and he thought presumption would get him nowhere. It all could have been so simple if he just spoke from the heart but he was so very scared he would loose any and all chances if he did.

 

After everything that had taken place the night before, Eli believed that Dane felt something for him as well but as to exactly what he felt, Eli did not know for sure. He was not even certain if Dane’s feelings came close to what he was feeling and so he settled, deciding to err on the side of caution.

 

“Eli, if being friends is all you want to be then I can accept that and would be open to it. The thing is, considering everything that has taken place between us, as well as the obvious connection between us, I was sort of hoping for something more. Last night when you came to my door, you told me that I made you feel and that I made you feel alive. I thought you were speaking in a way that suggested more than just friendship.

 

“When you pinned me against the wall and we looked at each other the way we did, I felt there was more than just lust and sexual desire between us. After you fucked me senseless for two hours and then when everything between us changed, you seemed like a completely different man. The way we opened up to each other could happen between really good friends but we only met yesterday afternoon. I thought that said something about what was between us as well.

 

“Maybe I’m wrong and maybe I’m reading more into us than I should. Maybe this is all about my old psychology but I thought you were feeling the same. If I’m wrong and you don’t want something more and you’re not interested in making any attempt with me, then I’ll deal with it but truthfully, I was hoping for a response from you that would’ve suggested we had similar desires. Either you’re scared or you’re not really that interested in anything other than sex with me,” Dane concluded.

 

Eli could not have asked for a clearer explanation of how Dane felt. It was what he wanted to hear. He thought that as a consequence, Dane was asking him to actually move in with him, rather than just into the house. He wanted to say yes immediately but again his mind got in the way.

 

Rationally, it seemed too quick. They did not know each other and there could be no guarantees and they had no short-term experience with each other to suggest even a possible success. Everything that had gone before had been initiated by extreme emotion. He wondered what would happen if everything became normal.

 

Dane asked, pushing to end Eli’s thoughtful pause, “Well?”

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Eli replied.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“We don’t know each other,” Eli said.

 

“Over time we’ll get to know each other,” Dane countered.

 

Eli asked, “What if we don’t gel?”

 

“Eli, why do you think I reacted to you the way I did when I found you on the headland?”

 

“You were probably angry and wanted an explanation,” Eli surmised.

 

Irritated, Dane said, “Fuck, Eli, I thought you said you were going to change?”

 

“I did say that and I do want to,” Eli replied.

 

“Be honest then,” Dane said forcefully.

 

“I am being honest,” Eli said.

 

“All right, then instead, tell me why you came back to me.”

 

“I…” Eli began but trailed off.

 

Dane sighed and then said, “Eli, I’ve never met anyone like you and no man has ever made me feel like you do. I really like you.”

 

“I like you too.”

 

“No, Eli, I really, really like you. I know we don’t know each other and I know that apart from flushing the sewers of our souls, we’ve barely had a general conversation like most people do but every cell of me is telling me to go with this and I want to go with it. I’m not going to make this any easier for you, no matter how much I want to. Why did you come back to me?”

 

Eli stared into Dane’s eyes. The sharpness of the blue was drilling into his eyes like it always did but Dane’s eyes were almost pleading; begging him to give the answer he wanted to hear. Eli still thought that Dane’s suggestion to move in with him was not such a good one, even though the thought of it was enticing. All he could think though was that he needed to be real and to be honest, despite the attitude that moving in with Dane would be rash.

 

“Dane, I came back because I really liked you too and I didn’t want to risk losing you. I haven’t felt anything like what I feel for you since, well, since I was with Ben. I wanted to know if there could be something more between us. I wanted to feel the feelings that only you and Ben have ever made me feel. I wanted to spend more time with you. They’re the reasons why I came back.”

 

“Eli?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I don’t want to lose you either so move in with me and let’s see if we can make us together, resemble our separate feelings.”

 

“You really want me to?”

 

“No, Eli, I’ve just got nothing better to do than make erroneous emotional claims and wild offers to thugs I pickup on Sydney’s harbour side.”

 

Eli laughed. He could not help himself. It may have been sarcastic and a little condescending but it was funny. Even amidst Eli’s uncertainty and doubts and powerful emotions, Dane could still make him laugh and put him at ease. He reached out and squeezed Dane’s hand that was resting on the bed between them.

 

Dane saw the extreme change on Eli’s face. It had transformed from fear and intensity to an expression he’d never seen on Eli’s face. There was an uncharacteristic softness and an ease of the ever-present tension. It made Dane smile and it filled him with honest happiness but then he saw Eli’s eyes become questioning.

 

“Seriously, Dane. You and I met not even twenty-four hours ago and even if we both can feel what is happening between us, don’t you think it’s premature?”

 

“We’re not having a baby,” Dane said with a bemused grin.

 

“I’m serious, Dane. This situation is outrageous and even though more than anything in the world right now, I want to say yes to you, it seems like it’d be irresponsible for either of us to agree to it.”

 

“Eli, maybe it would be but I’ve been cautious for my whole adult life. I told you, I’ve never been willing to take the risks I needed to. Well, now I’m willing and the risk I want to take is with you. I can’t believe these feelings I’m feeling are wrong but even if they’re going to be wrong, I won’t know if we don’t try. As for you, Eli, somehow I can’t imagine that you’ll get some decent clothes, get a job and rent a place to live anytime soon, so what better way for you to begin again then with somewhere to live and with someone who wants to support you through it? Unless you were lying to me after all.”

 

“I wasn’t lying to you about anything,” Eli said.

 

Dane said, “Well?”

 

Eli asked rhetorically but more to himself, “Fuck, what have I done to deserve this?”

 

Dane rolled his eyes and said, “You really can’t see anything other than you’re not good enough and that you’re undeserving, can you? Eli, this isn’t just about you. It’s about me as well.”

 

“To be clear, Dane, you want me to move into your house with you, sleep in your bed with you, have sex with you and see if we’re compatible, all while I try to rebuild my life and you continue to live yours?”

 

“I’d say that about sums it up,” Dane said.

 

Eli questioned for absolute clarity, “You mean lovers?”

 

“Yes but not just lovers; I want us to discover if we can be boyfriends or partners, whichever term suits you best.”

 

Eli reached out and grabbed Dane, pulling his back away from the headboard. He twisted him toward him and wrapped his arms around Dane’s body. He pulled him against him and then pressed his lips to his. The kiss was heated but it was a kiss of Eli’s agreement. He still felt uncertain as to whether it could work or if his innate hope held any merit at all but still, he knew he wanted this and he wanted to agree to it.

 

As he continued to kiss Dane, Eli bent his legs and somehow managed to rise onto his knees, lifting Dane with him in the process. He turned them both and lowered Dane down until his head was on the side of the bed where Eli had slept. He then lowered his body on top of Dane. Eli’s body and weight held Dane immobile and he looked deeply into his eyes and said firmly, “Yes!”

 

Dane asked with an excited, upward inflection, “Really?”

 

“Absolutely,” Eli replied.

 

Dane’s smile was not just one of satisfaction; it was also one of happiness. As Eli looked at Dane, he felt warmed because the smile made him feel accepted and needed. It was the same feeling that Ben had always been able to create within him. He lifted his hand and he stroked Dane’s cheek with tenderness.

 

“You’re so beautiful and you turn me on like no one else ever has, Eli.”

 

Tongue in cheek, Eli asked, “Should I be filled with doubt and should I question if what you said before was true? Are you really just superficial and all you want is my body?”

 

“Yes but it’s more about your cock than the rest of you,” Dane replied with equal jest.

 

“I knew it. You’re just an evil man who wants to use and abuse this innocent child,” Eli said while trying to keep a serious expression.

 

“You? Innocent? Oh please. This whole situation is probably some grand manipulation to get me to succumb to an elaborate ruse, all so you can suck the life out of me and take all that is mine and make it yours,” Dane shot back.

 

“Damn, I’ve been found out before my plan has even really begun,” Eli replied.

 

“Yes you have. You underestimate me, Eli. I’m very intelligent and highly intuitive and I can read your deceptive actions like a book. I guess you’re going to have to try a new strategy if you want to outwit me. You’ve unsuspectingly stumbled onto your nemesis.”

 

Eli shook his head and laughed, as Dane grinned with amusement at him. Eli could not believe he had just made such a huge decision and that suddenly, instead of remaining serious, they were engaged in amusing and jovial banter. Everything was unfamiliar and yet what was between them seemed so easy.

 

Eli shook his head in disbelief and then grinned before he said, “I bow to your superiority and acknowledge that it’s you who’s the comic in this relationship. Is that your job? I mean is that what you do for a living in real life?”

 

“A comedian? Hell no. Science is what I do. I study plants. I work at the National Herbarium in the Botanical Gardens.”

 

Eli said, “Really?”

 

“Yeah but it isn’t that interesting, unless your into science and plants, which I am and always have been.”

 

“You’re full of surprises,” Eli said.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“It’s just that every time I begin to get a picture of you in my head, you know, of the person I think you are, suddenly you open another door and show me something else,” Eli explained.

 

“Funny, I tend to think of myself as uninteresting and a little boring. I certainly don’t consider myself as interesting and certainly not the life of a party,” Dane replied.

 

“Dane, just because you’re not like everyone else and your life’s different, doesn’t make you boring or uninteresting. In fact, I’d say it’s what makes you stand out from the crowd. Let’s face it; most people are fundamentally the same in the way they live. They have standard jobs, standard social lives and no matter how exciting they think their lives are, they’re not much different to everyone else’s. Your life might be the same as theirs but anything that sets you apart is an individual tick in your favour. At least that’s the way I see it,” Eli said.

 

Dane asked, “So what are you going to do to set yourself apart?”

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be exceptional or different and I suspect whatever I choose to do, I’ll just be another indistinct sheep amongst millions,” Eli replied.

 

“Eli, I think that no matter who we are or what we do, in essence we’re all indistinct. As a race we may make a movie star into someone special but they’re still just a person and no more important than an average Joe or a homeless man begging on a street corner. The Pope, the Prime Minister, the Queen or the President, they’re all just human beings despite their positions and the reverence of millions. It’s who you are and not what you are that’s important.”

 

“I guess I’d have to agree with you, Dane. I suppose that’s what’s referred to as a truism.”

 

“Maybe it is to those whose minds are open enough to think about it. I don’t care what it’s called, though, to me it’s just true and that’s why I haven’t questioned you on something you said to me last night. I’ve begun to see that who you are has nothing to do with whatever it is specifically that you’ve been doing.”

 

“Dane, what exactly are you referring to that I said last night?”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does to me.”

 

“It’s not important,” Dane said.

 

“It is to me,” Eli replied.

 

“All right. You said you’d done some bad things since Kendrick took you in and it made me curious. Even so, I don’t want you to feel like I need you to explain. I want you to feel like I trust you,” Dane said.

 

“I want you to trust me, Dane. If we’re going to try being together then if there’s anything you want to know about me then I want you to ask me outright. I don’t want you to keep things buried that could fester into something negative. Do you want me to tell you what I was talking about?”

 

“Not now. Maybe later. Right now it feels nice to talk to you about other things besides our personal bullshit.”

 

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Eli agreed.

 

“Actually, there is one thing that’s intrigued me since I met you?”

 

Eli asked, “What’s that?”

 

“The way you speak and the way your mind works. You come across as really smart and when you put your mind to it, you seem like a very clever man. When I first met you, it really unnerved me because of the way you look.”

 

“How’s that?”

 

“Like a guy that belongs to a gang or some criminal element. Initially, at least, I thought you were someone who got up to no good. Then you spoke and it all seemed so wrong.”

 

“I suppose I can understand the typecast. It’s not an incorrect typecast, though, Dane. I mean, um, let me try to explain. Last night I told you I’m not the man I pretend to be but that man I pretend to be is basically what you perceived. Though I’ve realised I’m not that guy, still that’s the guy I’ve been since Ben died.

 

“As to my smarts or lack thereof, I do have that certain look about me but the thing is, I told you that I didn’t have any friends at school and I spent most of my time by myself. As a consequence I often had my head in a book and I really focused on what school had to offer me. I studied hard and I was always at or near the top of my classes. When I left school I could’ve easily gone to university and become a doctor or achieved some other well-paid career. All the time I spent at home in my room, I also spent reading. I suppose that would account for what you viewed as incongruous about me,” Eli explained.

 

“What was your favourite subject at school?”

 

“I don’t know that I had a favoured subject. I was competent at everything but in my earlier years I loved English and writing in particular.”

 

“Eli, maybe you could try your hand at that?”

 

“At what?”

 

“Writing!”

 

“What, you mean like a journalist or something?”

 

“Well yeah, if that interests you or maybe you could try to be a novelist. I don’t know. It just seems that if you had an interest at one point in your life and if you were good at it back then, then why couldn’t you try to put your hand to it now?”

 

“You mean like writing books as a career?”

 

“Maybe or maybe you could get a job and write on the side to expand yourself and your mind. You’ve certainly experienced enough in your life to have lots of things you could write about,” Dane suggested.

 

Eli did not respond but he looked at Dane and thought that he was already having an effect on him. Eli thought he would never have considered the possibility but now that Dane had put the thought in his mind, he discovered that he found it an attractive thought.

 

Eli joked, “Here I was thinking you’d only be good for sex?”

 

“I have my moments,” Dane replied with a wide grin.

 

“So I see. Maybe you’ll be a beneficial nemesis and you’ll help me while you bring about your own downfall.”

 

“I think it’s too late for that. Allowing a lowlife the likes of you into my life is already degrading my social status,” Dane countered.

 

“Maybe you need the likes of me to bring you down to a realistic level and to show you that your delusions of superiority are farcical,” Eli shot back.

 

“Ah - and there we have it. Another of the socially deficient majority, standing at the bottom of the ladder and looking up at the perfect few, wanting to topple us down into the mud with all of you.”

 

“You’re too much,” Eli said.

 

Dane smiled softly and then said, “Honestly, I think I’ll have to be more than I am to keep up with you, Eli.”

 

“I think spending time with you is going to be a lot of fun,” Eli replied.

 

Dane looked down and then grinned before he replied, “Is that why your fat cock is so hard at the moment?”

 

“The fault lies with you, Dane.”

 

“Really? So you’re not a man-whore and it’ll only be me who initiates sex between us?”

 

“Well, considering that your cock was hard before mine, I guess you should just accept responsibility for the state of mine and admit that it’s you who is the slut in this bed,” Eli said.

 

Dane grinned and replied, “I admit it. You wanna fuck?”

 

“Shit, the pressures of being the top in a relationship are already beginning to rear their ugly heads. I suppose, though, if that’s what you need then in spite of my preferred desire for stimulating conversation and crossword puzzles, I’ll just have to service your baser requirements to keep you happy,” Eli replied.

 

“If that’s the case, Eli, then why don’t you shut the fuck up and start seeing to my requirements.

 

Both men laughed loudly and then another session of mutually desired sex began.

 

To be continued...