“P” Is For the Peeping Pat
by: E Walk
(© 2009-2011 by the Author)
 

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Chapter 17

Boy For Sale

When the boys returned from escorting the Tuesdales and Mr. Kincaid out, Nathan asked, “Sheriff Kincaid, are you sure those people are related to you?  They seem to think that the world owes them a living.  Leo asked if we could loan him $20.00 so he could buy some beer and snacks.”

Pat frowned, “You, didn’t give him any money, did you?”

Ethan chuckled, “Nope, Shawn had warned us about what kind of people they were.”

Shane spoke up, “Jimmy told me that we needed to check your house before they leave.  The last house they stayed in they left with all the china and sliver and anything that looked like it was valuable and stopped and got rid of it at a pawn shop.  The owners could never prove that it was the Tuesdales who took the items.”

Pat moaned, “I should never have told them that Mother had died.  They are even worse than I remembered.  They’ll make a mockery of the funeral.”

Teddy had been listening, “Mr. Sloane, why don’t I call and have my Dad put his cruisers on patrol around your house.  We can stop the Tuesdales from doing too much damage.”

“Teddy, I appreciate your offer, but your Dad’s people have enough to worry about without worrying about some poachers at our house.”

Teddy took exceptions, “Mr. Sloane, you don’t understand.  Once they start infesting a neighborhood, the whole neighborhood goes to pot.  Think of what happened to Travis’ home when Professor Farr or whoever he was moved in.  I haven’t met the visitors, yet, but what Shawn says leads me to believe that they are looking to make an easy living without doing any work.  I’m calling Dad and asking him to put an alert out for any unusual activity at your house.”

Teddy made his call and everyone disappeared to their bedrooms.  Pat and I went and got ready for bed.  We decided to sleep in the nude and have some fun before we went to sleep. 

We were awakened on Sunday morning by the phone.  I answered, “This is Steve Sloane.”

“Sloane, what do we do for breakfast?”

“That’s your problem, Mr. Kincaid.  I promised you a place to sleep.  I certainly didn’t promise to feed you.”

“Let me speak to my bastard son.”

“Why would your son be here.  I have enough people to look after and Sheriff Kincaid is capable of taking care of himself.  He has an apartment in town, somewhere.”

“Stop trying to bullshit me, Mr. Sloane.  It’s readily apparent that the queer is shacking up with you.  Put Pat on, and I mean now, or I’ll spread the word that both of you are gay.”

“Mr. Kincaid, no one is going to believe a blow hard like you.  Talk never hurt anyone.  Besides, Pat and I are both respected members of our community.  Our being gay doesn’t bother our sons, and they are the only people who count.  Maybe you and your son-in-law and your oldest grandson could get jobs and pay for your food.  The food pantries aren’t open on Sundays, so you‘re out of luck, there.”

There was a knock on the door as I hung up.  Without thinking that we were naked, I called out, “Come in if you dare.”

Tommy and Jimmy came in carrying a cup of coffee and an English muffin with jam.  Jimmy looked at Pat and me, “Holy cow, you men have big peckers.  Leo and Granddad are always bragging about how big their peckers are.  If they saw yours, they would realize that they’re midgets compared to yours..”

Tommy was giggling, “Jimmy, Dad Steve and Dad Pat probably don’t know what you mean by the word pecker.  You need to talk in English for them to understand.  You need to say that they have big penises.”

Pat asked, “”Jimmy, do you see Leo and your Granddad naked very often?”

“Not Granddad, so much, anymore.  Leo is always naked, especially when he is coming out of Lizzie’s and Ellie’s room.  Sometime he’s naked when he comes out of Justin’s and Larry’s room.”

Pat’s jaws were tight, “Jimmy, has he ever done anything to you?”
 

“No, he says I have to be older before he can teach me how to be a man.  What does he mean by that?”

Tommy interrupted the discussion, “Dads, do we have to wear a tie to church?  It’s really hot outside, already.”

“Tommy, you don’t need to wear a tie to church, today.  But when you go to work with the big guys, you’ll have to dress as Mrs. Janowski tells you to dress.”

“Dad Steve, what’s Jimmy going to do while Shane and I are working, this afternoon.”

I laughed, “I guess, he’ll be stuck with us two old men and sleeping all afternoon.”

Jimmy got a funny look on his face, “You aren’t going to make me do things that I don’t want to do, are you?”

Pat hugged Jimmy, “That’s one thing we aren’t ever going to do.  We may show you how to catch fish and clean them, but that’s about all we’re going to do.  It’s too bad that we showed your family where Mr. Sloane lived.  They could come bopping in at any time, assuming they have money for gasoline.”

After church, we had three car loads going to Maylin’s for brunch before the guys had to go to work.   When we walked in, Maylin met us, “Sheriff Kincaid, there are some people who said that you invited them to brunch and that you would pay their bill.”

Pat looked around, “Maylin, they may be our relatives, but I certainly did not invite them to brunch.  They can do the dishes to pay for their meals.”

We were eating when Mr. Kincaid came over to the table. “Patrick, you and Mr. Sloane are going to pay for this affront.”

I stood, “Mr. Kincaid, the more I learn about your family, other than Pat and his sons, the more I dislike all of you, except Jimmy.  He told us some things this morning that juvenile court would have a field day with.  I suggest that the lot of you leave town as soon as you work off your meal.  I’m going to have the locks on my house changed and have Sheriff Kincaid search your car to see what you have taken from my house.”

Leo yelled, “That’s illegal search without a warrant.”

Maylin settled the problem, “Since the van is in my parking lot, I authorize you to search the vehicle if it’s not locked.”

Pat called his office and asked that a cruiser be dispatched immediately.  Leo tried to get away but the four oldest guys stopped him in his tracks.  The result of the search was that all of the sterling silver silverware from the house and was in the back of the van.

Pat told his deputy, “Please escort these people to the county line and make sure that they don’t try to come back.  I’ll call Chief Conklin and have a guard posted at the Sloane residence.”

Jimmy asked, “Do I have to go with them?  They don’t love me.  I’m not one of them.”

Pat hugged him, “Jimmy, you can stay with us.  We know that you aren’t really a brother to Leo and probably not the other four of your brothers and sisters.”

Mr. Kincaid demanded, “What do you mean by that?”

Pat threw up his hands, “Mr. Kincaid, we know that Leo is your son even though his mother was your daughter.  I’m not sure how many of the other children might be yours, as well.  The only thing I’m sure of is that Jimmy isn’t your son, since he was conceived after your prostrate surgery.”

Denise stopped any further conversation, “Just so you know, the oldest five children were conceived after sex with Dad.  Abe does nothing except shoot blanks.  Jimmy was the product of a salesman who came to the house.  You can keep him.  He’s nothing but trouble.”

Mr. Tuesdale quickly added, “We’ll sell him to you for a thousand dollars.”
 

Pat turned white, “Mr. Tuesdale, you just broke another law.  We could book you for selling children.  I suggest you that you all get in that car and get your sorry selves out of this area and never return.”

Denise complained, “Can’t I at least stay for mother’s funeral?”

Pat shook his head, no.  “Denise, who’s to say that you wouldn’t try to get some money, as well.  I’m telling you that Mother had no money saved, so I’m having to pay her funeral costs.  It is apparent that you are in no position to help, if you go around stealing silver from houses.  You made the mess you’re in, so go and enjoy it.  It’s too late to save Leo, but there might still be hope for the next four, if you get them away from Leo.”

After lunch, everyone went to work except for Jimmy.  We went to the house on the lake and got comfortable.  I asked, “Jimmy, can you swim?”

“Not very well.”

“Good, you and your Uncle Pat need to go put on life vests and go catch us some fish.  We need to restock the freezer.  That will give you something to do to keep your mind off of what is happening.  I have some new ideas for my book now that I've met the Tuesdales and Sheriff Kincaid’s father.”

I was working away on my computer when I looked out on the lake and Jimmy had fallen overboard.  I watched as Pat tried to help him back into the boat and he fell overboard.  I started to laugh and went down to the dock to help the two guys who were pushing the boat back to shore.

As I helped them out, I frowned, “I suppose you lost all the fish if you caught any?”
 

Jimmy giggled, “Nu uh, we had them tied to Uncle Pat’s penis.  That’s why he’s having such a hard time swimming.”

Sure enough the fish Pat had the string entangled around his leg and penis.  I started to laugh, “Pat, how did that happen?”

Pat sighed, “The harder I tried to get untangled the worse it got.  It was as if the fish had decided that they weren’t going to let me get away.”

We were cleaning and filleting the fish when the other eight guys arrived.  Nate announced, “We stopped at the house on the way home and the locks have been changed.  We stopped by the locksmith and he gave me the keys and a pretty hefty bill, since he had to work on Sunday.  I guess we should charge more for working on Sunday.”

I shook my head, no. “Remember, the agreement was that you were not to work on Sundays.  I guess I need to talk to Mrs. Janowski and remind her of the agreement.”

Tommy asked, “What’s for dinner?  We had a big brunch and we’ve been looking at food all afternoon.  I’m not very hungry.  A plain old grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup sounds good to me.”

Ethan and Mike volunteered, “We’ll fix the meal.  We’ll have it ready by six o’clock, so that should give you time to get properly dressed.”

Jimmy asked, “What does properly dressed mean?”

Tommy giggled, “That means we have to wear a shirt to dinner.  Most of the time, that’s all we wear.”

Jimmy had to stop and think about that, “What if it get’s cold?  Doesn’t the rest of your body get cold?”

Tommy shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know what happens when it gets cold.  I haven’t been here that long.”

Dinner certainly proved exciting for a simple grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup.  We had just started to eat when the first phone call arrived. 

I picked up the phone, “This is Steve Sloane.  How may I help you?”

“Mr. Sloane, the is Iowa State Patrolman Gary Davis.  Is Sheriff Patrick Kincaid there?”

“Just a minute, sir.  I’ll put him on.”

“This is Sheriff Kincaid. … Yes I know them, but I am not responsible for their actions. … What did they do, anyway? … “You mean they pulled away from the pump with the gas still flowing out of the pump. … No, I’m not about to pay their charges. … No, I don’t want to talk to my father.  They tried to rob a friend of mine, while they were here.  They can rot in jail, as far as I’m concerned.”

We were just about ready to go to bed when the phone rang again,  “This is Steve Sloane.”

“Mr. Sloane, this is the county prosecutor for Polk county in Iowa, Charlie Stark   We have a report that you kidnapped one Jimmy Tuesdale from his parents today.”

I started to laugh, “Mr. Stark, that’s about the funniest thing I’ve heard of in ages.  Mr. Tuesdale told us we could have Jimmy, if we paid them a thousand dollars.”

“Mr. Sloane, this is serious business.  No one sells their children for a thousand dollars.  Did you pay him a thousand dollars?”

“Mr. Stark, Mr. Tuesdale did offer to sell his son, and we did not pay him, but we do have Jimmy Tuesdale staying with us.  We have lots of witnesses to attest to the fact that Mr. Tuesdale tried to sell his son.  Not only that, the Tuesdales had taken all of the sterling silver from my house where they spent Saturday night.  We recovered the silver, and our county sheriff made sure they were escorted to the county line.”

“Mr. Sloane, I’m sure that you will be hearing from the Children’s Protection people, tomorrow.”

“Fine, we have nothing to hide.  Would you please have them contact us after one o’clock, since we’re burying Jimmy’s grandmother tomorrow.”

There was a silence on the other end of the phone, “Mr. Sloane, this sounds like a case that is going to cause the social workers to go bananas.  It was nice talking to you.”

On Monday morning, the mood around the house was very solemn since we all had known Mrs. Kincaid.  We went to the church and there were very few people seated in the sanctuary when we first arrived.  The funeral director took us to a waiting room where the pastor came and prayed before we were to go into the sanctuary.

Pat’s deputies preceded the casket down the aisle and I must say it was most impressive.  I was beginning to wonder who was on duty guarding the county.  I was to find out that these were the deputies who were off duty.

The congregation had grown significantly since we arrived and I was to find out that many of them were county officials. 

The funeral director led me and my entourage, except Pat, Shane, Shawn and Jimmy to the second row of seats.  Pat, Shane, Shawn and Jimmy were seated in the row in front of the pulpit.

The service was a nice service, but the most impressive part was that there was a motorcade of Sheriffs cruisers leading the hearse, as we made our way to the cemetery.

After the graveside service, we were approached by Mrs. Hood.  “Guys, I have received a complaint from the Iowa Children’s Protection Department that you have kidnapped one James Wilson Tuesdale.”

I decided to talk to her, since I knew that Pat wanted to thank his people and bosses for coming.  “Norma, if you have a couple of hours, I’ll explain what happened this weekend.”

We went to lunch at a small restaurant and I explained what happened over the weekend.  Mrs. Hood’s reaction surprised me, “Steve, I don’t suppose that you and Pat would be willing to take the next four Tuesdale children and be responsible for them.  After what you just told me, they definitely need to be removed from the Tuesdale home.  In fact, it sounds to me as if Mr. Kincaid, Mr. and Mrs. Tuesdale and Leo should be put away.  They’re a menace to society.”

“Norma, after meeting the others, this weekend, I would guess that they are beyond help, especially Leo.  I don’t want them anywhere near the rest of our guys.”

Norma shook her head, “I don’t blame you.  I wouldn’t want them in my house, either.”   

To be continued...

Editor's Notes:  I am in serious doubt as to whether there is a snowball's chance in hell that those kids could be salvaged into being decent citizens.

Jimmy is the only one in the whole bunch, worth a plug nickel.  He is worth more than that whole family combined, with plenty left over to feed all the starving kids in town, send them all to college and buy them all new cars.  Do you get my drift?

Hopefully, things will be sorted out by the next chapter. 

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher   

Posted: 02/04/11