“P” Is For the Peeping Pat
by: E Walk
(© 2009-2011 by the Author)
 

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Chapter 18

Forever Expanding

When I arrived at the house, it was so good to see everyone on the dock area in the natural.  I was pleased that Nathan and Ethan were trying to show Tommy and Jimmy some tricks to catching fish.  I set up my computer on the deck and was working and making good progress when I was joined by Nathan.

“Dad, do you have a minute to talk?”

I punched save on the computer, “Of course, Nate.”

“Dad, Jimmy just told me some things that bother me.  He said that Leo wasn’t really his brother, but his uncle.  How can that be?”

I took a deep breath, “Nate, the truth of the matter is that Leo is both a brother and an uncle to Jimmy.”

“Dad, that makes no sense.  A person can’t be a brother and an uncle at the same time.”

“Nate, think about how Leo could be an uncle and a brother to Jimmy at the same time.”

Nate sat there pondering the situation and suddenly his eyes lit up, “Dad, are you saying that Mr. Kincaid got his daughter pregnant?”

I laughed, “You won the $64,000 question.  Not only is Leo the product of a union between Mr. Kincaid and Mrs. Tuesdale but so are the next four children.  Mrs. Tuesdale told us that Jimmy was the son of a traveling salesman.”

Nate was silent for an extended period, “Dad, is Jimmy going to be staying with us?”

“It appears so, Nate.  I met with Mrs. Hood over lunch, and she indicated that he would be my ward.  She even asked if we wanted to take the next four.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Nate, I turned her down.  First, we certainly don’t need any females around, and I have no idea what the two middle boys are like, except that Jimmy said something that leads me to believe that Leo maybe having sex with the four middle Tuesdale children.”

“Dad, Leo struck me as not being the brightest person on the planet but he must be even more stupid than I thought.”

“I have no idea.  I have the feeling that the family is going to be up the creek when Mr. Kincaid dies.  They’re probably living off his social security checks since neither Leo nor Mr. Tuesdale work.”

Nate left, shaking his head, and I went back to writing.

At dinner time, I could hear some of the guys in the kitchen.  I went to see who had the kitchen detail.  It was Mike, Ethan and Jimmy.  I thought to myself, ’What a conglomeration of people.’

I watched their interaction unbeknownst to them.  The two older guys were patient with Jimmy.  They kept asking Jimmy what he wanted to eat and he kept replying, “Guys, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I don’t think I’ve ever had some of those things.  We always had things that didn’t take any work, like hotdogs and frozen French fries.  I didn’t know that people cooked like this in their homes.”

Ethan grinned, “Jimmy, my Dad is too cheap to buy food that is easy to cook.  He wants to make sure that we work for our meals.  Why don’t you go set the table for dinner?”

“Where are the plastic knives and forks that came from the restaurants and how many people are going to be here?”

Ethan looked up and saw me and had a questioning look in his eye, “Jimmy, we don’t use plastic things, unless we’re going to be having a picnic.  You'd better set the table for eleven, since I think Teddy is going to be here.  Here, I’ll show you where the silverware and napkins are.”

Jimmy counted out eleven of the each of the pieces of the silverware and napkins and put them on the table.  “Now what do you want me to do?”

I walked into the kitchen, “Jimmy, you need to put the silverware at each person's plate.”

“Oh, I thought you only did that for company and everyone had to help themselves.”

“No, for dinner, we always set the table like we’re at a restaurant.  Here, I’ll show you how it’s done.  Guys, what are we having for dinner?”

Mike answered, “We decided to make some good ole homemade lasagna.  The stuff that we serve at the catering service is good, but it’s definitely mass produced and leaves something to be desired.”

Ethan nodded, “It tastes more like the frozen lasagna that we tried one time and decided we didn’t like.”

Jimmy asked, “Do you do this for all the meals, everyday?”

I squeezed his shoulder, “No, my young friend.  Breakfast and lunch are more like you take care of yourself.”

I showed Jimmy how to set a place at the table.  He giggled, “Hey, even a trained monkey could do this.  What else can I do?

I patted him on the back, “Okay, if you’re a trained monkey, you need to check with Mike and Ethan and see what you need to do.  I need to go see if I can pound out a couple of pages before your Uncle Pat gets here.”

When I heard Pat come in, I saved what I had written, turned my computer off and went to meet him.  I was hugging him when Jimmy came into the room.

Jimmy asked, “Do big guys like to be hugged and kissed, too?

Pat grinned at Jimmy, “Yep, it makes everything better after a bad day.  How was your day?”

Jimmy giggled, “I had a horrible, awful, bad day.  Everyone was mean to me and made me do all the work.”

Pat bent over and grabbed Jimmy, “I’ll fix what ails you.”

As Pat was hugging Jimmy and giving him a kiss, Jimmy pulled away, “You aren’t going to make me do things like Leo does with Justin and Larry, are you?”

Pat looked at me with raised eyebrows, “Jimmy, what does Leo make Justin and Larry do?”

“Sometimes he makes them open their mouth and sticks his pecker, I mean penis, in their mouths until they have this white stuff in their mouths.  Sometimes he makes them get on their hands and knees and plays hide the pecker with them.  He stuffs socks in their mouths so they can’t scream.”

Both Pat and I were shaken by what we were hearing, “Jimmy, how do you know what Leo does to Justin and Larry?”

“I slept in the same bedroom with Justin and Larry.  Leo would come in after he thought I was asleep.  Justin and Larry were really afraid of Leo, because he would beat them up if the guys didn’t do what he wanted.”

I asked, “Jimmy, how old are your brothers and sisters?”

“I’m not sure, but they’re all in high school.  I know that Leo is almost twenty-one because Dad said he was going to kick him out when he turned twenty one.  Justin is supposed to graduate this year, but I heard him tell Dad and Mom that he probably wouldn’t have good enough grades.  The twins, Larry and Lizzie are sixteen and Ellie is fifteen.”

I hesitated to ask the next question, “Jimmy, have you seen what Leo does with Lizzie and Ellie?”

“No, but he must hurt them pretty bad because they are always screaming when Leo is in their room.”

We were saved by Ethan, “Dinner is in five minutes.  Everyone needs to get suitably dressed.”

Dinner chatter was light and lively.  Pat commented, “It’s rather nice to have everyone home for a change.  The lasagna is terrific.  Who was responsible for it?”

Ethan pointed to Mike, “It was Mike’s idea; I just did what he told me to do.  It’s going to be very different when school starts and we aren’t going to be working anymore.”

Tommy asked, “Why won’t you be working anymore?  Are you going to get fired?”

Nate answered, “We only took the job for the summer, since we all have things that we do after school.  When the college students return for the fall semester, some of them will be working at the catering place, instead of us.”

Jimmy asked, “Who’s going to be making money so we can eat?  Mr. Sloane sits at the computer all day long and Uncle Pat is a sheriff and they must not make much money.  Will we have to go to the food pantries and get food?”

Shane was giggling, “Jimmy, Dad Steve probably makes more money by working on his computer than most people do by working in an office all day.  You're right, our Dad doesn’t make a whole lot of money, but we have enough to have a nice place to live and food to eat.  The only reason I’m here all the time is that I have to help Tommy make sure that Dad Steve doesn’t get into trouble.”

That caused everyone around the table to laugh.  Jimmy looked around at everyone, “Why is everyone laughing?  What’s so funny?”

I answered, “Everyone is laughing because I do sit home and play with my computer each day.  I write books and sometimes they are made into movies which I get paid for.  Shane and Shawn were originally going to stay with me while your Uncle Pat worked, but Shawn started to work and Shane was bored until Tommy came along.  Now that you’re here, it’s going to take all three of us to take care of you.”

Jimmy took exception, “Wait a minute, I’m not going to be bad.  I feel safe here.  If I were at home, everyone would be yelling at each other.”

Ethan stopped the conversation by standing, “If you will excuse me, this is the day I have double duty.”  Ethan mopped his head, “Not only did I have to cook, but now I have to do the dishes.  Will someone check on me in the morning?”

Jimmy jumped up, “I’ll help you, Ethan.”

Shawn shook his head no, “It’s my job to help Ethan.  You and Tommy can clear the table for us, though.”

Pat and I were sitting on the deck when Jimmy, Tommy and Shane appeared.  Shane asked. “Dads, can someone take us to the library?  We want to get some books to read while the other guys are working.”

I was surprised but Pat answered, “You’ll need to get some clothes on so the people at the library won’t think you’re the emperor who was wearing a golden suit.”

When we arrived at the library, the first order of business was to get Tommy and Jimmy each a library card, since Shane, Pat and I already had one.  The two guys were filling out their cards and came over to us, and Tommy whispered, “What address do we put down?  The sign says that if we live out of town we have to pay a non resident fee.”

Pat whispered, “Tommy, you put down the address for Steve’s house here in town, and Jimmy, you use the address of our apartment.”

That necessitated both Pat and I helping the boys.  I looked around and Shane was sitting at a table talking to a young lady.  I punched Pat and pointed out what was happening.

Pat laughed, “It looks like the Phantom has struck again.  This is why I’m afraid to leave him home by himself.”

Jimmy and Tommy turned in their applications and the librarian handed them each a card, “These are your temporary cards.  We’ll have your permanent cards available when you come in next time.”

Tommy asked, “Does that mean we can check some books out tonight?”

The lady laughed, “Yep, you each can check out two books, tonight.  When you get your permanent cards, you can check out as many as you would like, but remember that there are other children who might want to read the same books you have checked out.”

Jimmy looked around and pointed to a sign, “The young people’s section is back there.  Let’s go see if we can find something that will keep us busy while Mr. Sloane and Uncle Pat look around.”

After the boys took off for the young people’s section, Pat went to look at the periodical section and I decided to go see how many of my books they had in their collection.  I went to the computer and it appeared that they had all of my books that had been published.  I decided to go see how many of them were on the shelf.  I went to the fiction section.  I looked and couldn’t find any of the books that I had written, on the shelf.

I went to the librarian at the checkout station, “Excuse me, ma’am, I was looking for some books by Sloane Stephens and I can’t seem to find any.”

The lady went onto her computer, “Sorry sir, all of the books by Sloane Stephens have been checked out.  The last one was just checked out by the young man sitting over there at the table with the young lady.  Would you like to put a reserve on one of Mr. Stephens books?”

The conversation was interrupted by a lady I knew, “Hey Steve, I haven’t seen you for a while.  Your books are still about the hottest books that we have in the library.  Even though we have two copies of most of them, there never seem to be any on the shelf.”

I complained, “Sally, I know why my royalties are down.  Everyone is waiting for the library to purchase the latest novel.”

“Steve, me thinks that you doth protest too much.  However, I might have a solution to your problem of being poor and destitute.  We could have a special program for the adults of the community where we could get Harvey from The Book Seller to have copies of your books available for sale and you could autograph them.  We could get Meyer’s Dairy to provide free ice cream to the people who attend.”

I need to explain.  Sally is the head librarian.  “Sally, why on Earth are you working this time of day?”

“I like to see what goes on during the evening, so I schedule myself to work one evening each week and one weekend a month.  Would you be amenable to having an autograph party say in two weeks from now on a Monday night?   That way we will have time to advertise the event; I will be working with Harvey, so he will be able to get copies of your books here.”

“Sally, I’ll be glad to do it.  I may have to bring some members of my family with me, since Monday is their day off.  The young man who checked out the last Sloane Stephens book is staying at my house as are the two boys back on the bean bag chairs, reading, in the youth section.”

Sally laughed, “None of those boys are your sons.  I know Nathan and Ethan.  I haven’t seen them for a while.”

“They have a part time job that has turned into more like at full time summer job.”

Sally chuckled, “Yeah, I saw them at the wedding reception, yesterday.  They and their friends did a magnificent job.  I’ll talk to you before we have the book signing.”

I went to retrieve Tommy and Jimmy and they went to sign out their two books.  I was surprised that Shane had three books that he checked out.  As we were leaving the library, I was wondering what people must be thinking about Pat and me being together and I decided that I didn’t give a damn.

To be continued...

Editor's Notes:  We had a bit of an education, this time, along with Jimmy, about the way a family shouldn't act.  And also about how a nice family should act.

It is nice to know that Jimmy is not a product of that nasty man.

As I am sure you already know, there are very sensible reasons that there are laws against close family members producing children together.  When it happens, all sorts of recessive characteristics come to the surface.  In some cases, it isn't much of a problem, but in others It can cause mental retardation, and even some serious birth defects.

Even if that were not the case, I don't think the younger kids wanted to be subjected to that sort of abuse, and the jerk should be spending some time in a nice comfortable cell with a guy named Bubba, who has an IQ even lower than his, and is interested in his own pleasure, if you know what I mean.  Someone needs to teach that guy what it feels like to have to perform for someone that you are very scared of.

I am ready for more, now!

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher

Posted: 02/11/11