“P” Is For the Peeping Pat
by: E Walk
(© 2009-2011 by the Author)
 

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Chapter 16  

Boorish People

I led the van with the Tuesdales and Pat’s father to our house where we lived during the school year.  I had no sooner unlocked the door than the two oldest boys went to the kitchen.  They returned and asked, “Where are the Cokes and the snacks?”

“I agreed to provide you a place to sleep.  I didn’t agree to feed you.  We will be serving dinner at the house on the lake when we get your car unloaded.  We don’t have any bell service here, so I guess you guys will have to unload the car.”

My cell phone rang, “This is Steve Sloane.”

“Dad, Shane wants to know how many to plan on for dinner.”

“Tommy, I’m not sure just yet, but I guess you had better plan for nine extra people.  They all seem like they’re starved.  Is Sheriff Kincaid there?”

“Nope, he had a call about an accident and had to go take care of it.  Shane and I are the only two here, right now.  The big guys just left for work.”

“Tommy, we should be there as soon as the Tuesdales get ready to spend some time at the lake.  Tell Shane that they haven’t eaten since early this morning.”

“Okay. Dad.  We’ll make sure we have lots of fish, French fries...Oh, and Dad Kincaid picked up some corn on the cob from a roadside stand.”

Jimmy rode with me to the house on the lake.  He looked at me with a funny look, “Mr. Sloane, it looks like you live out in the middle of nowhere.  All I see is trees.”

“Jimmy, we don’t live very close to anyone, like in the city.  Some days we’re lucky to see a car.”

“Wow, don’t you get bored?”

“Jimmy, when it’s really quiet, that is when I do my best work.  I don’t have noises distracting me.”

“Mr. Sloane, what kind of work do you do that you can work while you’re at home?”

“Jimmy, I write books.”

“You must sell a lot of books if you have two homes.”

“Jimmy, I’m lucky that some of my books sell.  We’re at our home.”

“Mr. Sloane, you really don’t have any neighbors, do you?”

“Nope.”

“How many kids do you have?”

“Jimmy, the number keeps changing.  Right now, I have five sons plus your Uncle Pat and his two sons are living here most of the time.”

Jimmy had a funny look, “You mean that Uncle Pat and his two sons live here with you.  I don’t remember much about them.  It’s been a long time since I’ve seen them.”

“The Sheriff’s car is here, so that means your Uncle Pat is here.  Tommy and Shane were fixing dinner when I talked to them earlier.   Let’s go inside and I’ll introduce them to you even though you’ve met everyone except Tommy, before.”

The fireworks started as soon as we entered the house.  The five oldest young people headed toward the kitchen.  I followed them and had all I could take when the oldest son, who was, I would guess sixteen or seventeen, went right to the refrigerator.  He started to hand out sodas. He took a second one for himself.

That was more than I could take, “Excuse me, but I don’t remember offering you a soda.  I would appreciate it if you would put them back or I’ll report you to the Sheriff, for stealing.”

The oldest son yelled, “What is it with you that we can’t have a soda?  Are you too poor to let us get something to eat and drink?”

“I would have been glad to offer you something to drink and eat, had you been courteous and waited for me to offer.  While you’re in this house, you will only get something to drink and eat when it is offered.  The kitchen is off limits to the likes of you.  Don’t give me any lip, because my five or six teenagers will be home shortly and they will show you who’s in charge."

Mr. Tuesdale stood, “Mr. Sloane, you have no right to talk to our children as you just did.”

“Nor, do they have the right to charge into a stranger's house and help themselves to whatever they want.  Shane and Tommy, how long is it before dinner, so we can get these visitors out of here as soon as possible.  Frankly, I don’t trust them.”

Tommy winked, “Dad, we’ll be ready to eat in ten minutes.  Do you want to have wine with dinner?”

“No, thank you, Tommy.”

Pat’s father interrupted, “I’d like wine with dinner, young man.”

Tommy put his hands on his hips, “Dad said we weren’t having wine with dinner, and he’s the boss.”

Tommy had everyone seated and Shane brought in a platter of fish fillets with French fries, a dish with corn on the cob and bowl of Cole slaw.  You should have seen the eyes of the five oldest Tuesdale children.  Shane set the serving platter in front of me.  I started to dish up and handed the first plate to Pat’s sister, Denise.  She didn’t say anything, but the two daughters both said that they would just have some French fries.   I didn’t say anything, but served Pat’s dad a full complement of the dishes.  He started to eat, not waiting for the rest of us to be served.  Mr. Tuesdale did likewise.  The three older boys turned down the fish and the Cole slaw.  I served Jimmy and he waited until the rest of us had our plates, before he started to eat.

As we were eating, the five oldest children asked if they could have more French fries and I decided to play the devil’s advocate.  “If you don’t eat the rest of the meal, we have a rule in this house that you don’t get seconds of things that you like.”

Jimmy got in trouble, “You people don’t know what you’re missing.  This fish melts in your mouth.”

The oldest boy said in a raised voice, “Oh shut up, twerp; the only way fish is good is if is fresh or comes from Long John Silver’s.”

Shane had a big grin, “Leo, I have to disagree with you.  The fish that you get at Long John Silver’s is awful, compared to this.  We caught them in Mr. Sloane’s lake.  It couldn’t be much fresher than it is.”

The five oldest tried the fish and it was as if the platter never had any food on it at all.  I swear the guys had fixed enough fish for twenty people.  Everything was going fine until Mr. Tuesdale belched loudly and didn’t excuse himself.

I knew I was asking for trouble, but I didn’t care, “Mr. Tuesdale, that kind of behavior is not acceptable in this house.  At least you could have excused yourself.”

Mr. Tuesdale stood, “You have no right to criticize me.  A proper host would have had food and drinks in the house when we arrived.  Now you’re forcing our children to eat things that they don’t like.”

Pat entered the verbal battle, “Abe, you can take you rude brood back to Mr. Sloane's house in town as soon as your sons and daughters do the dishes.  That’s the least they can do for a place to sleep and a good meal.”

Pat’s dad started to object, “Children, you don’t have to do the dishes.  The Sheriff doesn’t live here.  He and Shane are guests just like us, so they can do the dishes.”

I was getting angrier by the minute, “Mr. Kincaid, I would ask that you shut your big mouth.  Shane and Tommy cooked the meal; the least your other grandchildren could do would be to do the dishes as a thank you for the food and a place to stay, while they are in town.”

Mrs. Tuesdale stood, “Come on, kids.  Let’s get these dishes done and get out of here.  It’s obvious, we aren’t welcome here.  We should turn around and head back home, tonight.”

I think she expected someone to take exception with her comment, but neither Pat or I did.  The five oldest Tuesdale children did the dishes, but Shane whispered to me, “Dad, it would have been easier for us to do the dishes ourselves. We’re just going to have to redo them once they leave.”

While the older children were doing the dishes, Mr. Kincaid, senior asked, “Patrick, when’s the viewing?”

“I decided not to have a viewing, since Mother didn’t know that many people.  I figured that the coffin could open at the church if anyone wanted to view her remains.”

Pat’s sister asked, “Then why are we here two days ahead of time?   You could have told us what the plans were when you called.”

“Denise, all I said when I called you was that the funeral would be Monday at eleven o’clock.  I said nothing about a viewing.”

Abe asked, “Is the church providing a lunch after the burial?”

“Abe, be reasonable, Mother wasn’t a member of the church, why would there be a luncheon when very few people knew her?”

Pat’s Dad stood, “That must be some church where the service is being held if they automatically don’t provide a luncheon.”

Pat was irate, “Dad, Mother told me in her dying breaths why she hated you, so.  You’ll be lucky if you can find a church that will hold your burial service.”

The Tuesdale young people came out onto the deck where we were sitting.  The oldest boy asked, “Can we have a soda now that you’ve made us your slaves?”

Before I could answer, the guys returned from their catering job.  Nate laughed, “I guess we have to stay properly dressed since there are females in the area.  Dad, Mayor Dickson wants to know if you would come talk to the Tuesday luncheon group of the Better Business Bureau?   I told him that I would have you call him.  Hi, I’m Nate Sloane.  That’s my brother, Ethan.  The two good looking guys on the other side of Ethan are our cousins, Don and Mike Wilson.”

Pat asked, “Where’s Shawn?” 

Ethan answered, “He and Teddy will be here shortly.  They had to stop so Teddy could get some clothes for church and the job we have tomorrow afternoon.”

“What?  I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t work on Sundays.”

Ethan put up his hands, “Don’t get uptight, Dad.  It’s a big wedding reception and we’ll only be working from one until five.  We’ve already received a significant tip for doing the job.  We’ll be able to go to church and go to Maylin’s with you for lunch.  Oh, by the way, Mrs. Janowski would like Shane and Tommy to work, too.”

“What?  I thought that was to be a one time thing?”

Ethan answered, “Dad, don’t blow a gasket.  The father of the bride was at the shindig on Thursday and specifically asked that Shane and Tommy help with the reception.  We’ll make sure that they don’t have anything to do with the alcohol.”

The conversation was interrupted by Tommy, “Daddy, could Jimmy spend the night with us?  We have lots of room now that Travis and his two uncles have moved out.”

“Tommy, that’s up to Mr. and Mrs. Tuesdale.”

Tommy went to Mrs. Tuesdale, “Would it be okay if Jimmy spent the night with us?  He can wear some of my clothes to church in the morning.”

Leo answered, “He can stay here if we can have some decent food to eat.”

“Leo, I don’t think Tommy was speaking to you.  If you’re still hungry, maybe you should get a job like my sons and Shawn have done.  I guess you’re too good to work.”

Mr. Tuesdale quickly got out of his chair and started toward me, “You have no right to talk to my son like that.”

Pat stood between us, “Abe, I know some things that the children shouldn’t hear.  I suggest that you take your brood and Dad, and leave before I inadvertently expose why Mother hated Dad so much.  Jimmy will be spending the next two nights with us.  He’s the only one of you that’s ever going to amount to a hill of beans.  Ethan, Nathan, Don and Mike, show our guests to the door.  If there is so much as a scratch or a dent in Mr. Sloane’s house when you leave, you will be spending time in county facilities.”

When the guests had been escorted out, the six oldest boys came in and sat down.  Shawn spoke for the group, “Dad, you said some very harsh words to your relatives.  Would you care to explain why you dislike them so?”

Shane commented, “The kids were absolutely boorish at dinner time.  All they were going to eat was French fries.  They were upset when Dad Steve said they couldn’t have a soda.”

Pat shook his head, no, “Guys, you don’t need to know what has caused me not to like them.  I don’t so much dislike them, as I feel sorry for some of them.  Let’s go check on Tommy and Jimmy, to make sure they’re okay.  They need to be getting ready for bed.”

Shane nodded, “Don’t worry, Dads, I’ll get them ready for bed, since they’ll be sleeping in the same room I am, now that Travis is gone.”

When Pat and I were in bed, I asked, “Pat, why do you dislike your family so much?”

“Steve, it’s my father whom I really dislike.  Did you get a good look at Leo, next to my father?”

“Leo, looks like your father must have looked when he was younger. … Pat you aren’t saying that the looks are not coincidental, are you?”

Pat nodded, “I always suspected that it was my father who got Denise pregnant the first time.  It was right after we found out that Denise was pregnant, that my Mother left Dad.  She dragged me along with her and we really had to struggle until I started working for the police force.  It wasn’t until she was talking when she was dying that she told me the story.  She thinks that some of the other children may be Dad’s as well.  The only one we know for sure isn’t, is Jimmy, because Dad had prostate cancer and had his prostrate removed and was no longer capable of having children, when Jimmy was conceived.”

“Does Abe know?”

“I honestly don’t know.  I can’t possibly see how he wouldn’t know, but he’s not the smartest human on the planet.”

I chuckled, “Pat, this is funny, in a way.  When Jimmy was riding with me this afternoon, he made a comment about him being the smartest of his family.  He said the rest of his family was more into having fun than studying.”

I hugged Pat, “We forgot to tell them which church was going to be holding the service.”

Pat laughed, “I’ll bet we have a call in the morning, asking which church we’re going to, and where we’re going to eat.  I’m so glad we didn’t stock the house with food or there would be trash all over the house.  It will be fun to watch them track us down tomorrow, now that they know the boys won’t be here.  We’ll have to make sure we lock all of the doors when we leave.”

“You don’t trust them very much, do you?”

“Steve, believe me, I have plenty of reason, not to trust them.  They’ll never get another cent from me.”

To be continued...

Editor's Notes: Thank you E Walk, for another enlightening chapter.

It is rather funny to notice that people really do take after their parents, or should I say their fathers.  It would be hard to be any more sleazy than Pat's father.  It's a good thing that Pat doesn't take after him.  He must have skipped a generation or something. 

It has been said that you can pick your friends, but not your family.  I am glad to say that I am glad I got the family that I did, since they, in fact, did pick me.

The one I started out with was not worth the genes they were carrying.  I loved my "real" parents, the ones who adopted me, and loved me all those years. My mom once told me to only speak good of the dead, so I will just say this, "My sperm donor is dead... Good!"

I must say that I am grateful to the progenitors for one thing, that they didn't want me, and therefore, I was adopted by people who really did want me.

Thanks!

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher

Hey, I got two rants out of that situation. Cool.

Posted: 01/28/11