My Father, My Son
by: Tom Borden

2000-2008 by the author


The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...


Tom lay stretched out on the bed and wondered how Josiah would tell Brian, and what Brian's reaction would be. He, too, would tell his own older brother, Terry, about his love for Josiah. Terry was also married with two sons of his own. They would talk about the men they loved and would lie in each other's arms and cry over the hopelessness of it all. Thank God for brother Terry. As he did every night, Tom began to stroke his hard penis, imagining that Josiah was there with him, holding him and loving him. The image of Josiah pushed deep inside of him brought him to orgasm quickly. He lay there with his cum lying in pools on his belly. Reaching down he took some on his fingers and sucked them dry, imagining that it was Josiah's creamy sperm. Soon, Tom drifted off to sleep with the words, "I love you, Josiah" on his lips.


Chapter 77 

After Tom and Josiah said goodnight, Josiah went to his room. There he found Brian copying some notes he had made while talking with Jake. Josiah went over to the table and gave Brian a kiss. Brian didn't ask about Josiah's conversation with Tom.

After Josiah stripped down, getting ready to take his shower, he sat across from Brian and said, "Brian I'm sorry Michael asked you to leave Dr. Borden and me alone. I want to tell you what happened. The long and the short of it is that he has apparently been very attracted to me for some time. I guess he had talked to Michael about it, and Michael told him to tell me how he felt about me."

Without looking up, Brian said, "I suspected something like that." Then looking up, he said, "Are you attracted to him, too?"

"You know how I feel about Tom . . . he wants me to call him Tom. You and I have talked about how good looking he is. Yes, as I've said before, I am attracted to him. But, Brian, we're attracted to a lot of guys. That doesn't mean I'm going to pick up and run off with him."

Brian said, "He must have something in mind, Josiah. I'm sure he'd like to sleep with you."

"I think he would," replied Josiah.

"Josiah, the man's married. And he's got kids. What's he doing coming on to you?"

"Brian, a lot of guys like us are married with kids. Look at Michael, and look at Caleb."

"Yeah," said Brian, "but they got divorced.

"I know," said Josiah. "But divorced or not, none of us can renounce completely the feelings we have inside of us."

"I don't think someone like that should be fooling around with you when he's married," said Brian.

"He's not fooling around with me, Brian. He was just confessing to me how he feels. Michael had told him it was better for him to let it out, rather than keep his feelings bottled up. I'm glad he did. It's made Tom and I feel closer. We understand each other now."

"How close do you feel to him, now, Josiah," asked Brian in somewhat of a brusque voice.

Josiah stood up and said, "Brian, please stop. You have no reason to talk in that tone. You have no reason to be jealous. I'll tell you frankly that I have always felt close to Tom. In fact, I love Tom in a way. We kissed and we hugged after he admitted everything to me. I feel a little sorry for him. His longings are the same as ours, but I think he feels trapped, having a family and all."

Brian looked down at his notes and said, quietly, "I hope he stays trapped."

Josiah sat down again and said, "I'm surprised at you, Brian. You almost sound as though you don't trust me. In case you don't know, Tom is an honorable man, and he knows and understands the situation between you and me. He may love me, but he will never do anything that would interfere in the relationship you and I have. Nor would I. I love Tom as a very decent man who has done so much for me at school, but who suffers so much inside with the conflict between his true sexuality and his commitment to his family. I will kiss Tom, and I will hug him when he wants it and needs it. That's all I can give him, although I owe him so much. Brian, I ask you not to attach the odor of lust and infidelity to every friendship I have."

Brian looked up at Josiah and suddenly wished he could take back everything he had said. He was not a jealous person, and he didn't know why he reacted in such a childish and stupid way. Of course he trusted Josiah. And he expected nothing less of Josiah than to be loving and understanding of his friend, who had the courage to openly admit his feelings .

"God, I'm sorry, Josiah," Brian said as he took Josiah in his arms. "I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. I know that I have nothing to worry about with you. I'm the luckiest man in the world. And Tom is the second luckiest man in the world to have you as a loving friend. I think sometimes my having you as my love is only a dream, and I worry that I'm going to wake up, and it'll all be gone."

The next morning, Tom rose early and went into the kitchen to find Michael and Karl sipping on their coffee.

Michael stood up and said, "Tom! I thought you'd sleep in a little longer. Join us, please. Tony's just fixing our breakfast. I want you to meet Karl. Karl, this is Tom Borden, an old high school friend of mine. I haven't seen him since that time. He's a professor up in Austin and came down here for the weekend with Josiah and Brian."

Karl stood up and, shaking hands with Tom, said, "I'm really glad to meet you, Tom. Michael told me all about you last night. And if you'll excuse me for saying so, you're even more good looking than he described you!"

As Tom sat down, Michael asked, "Tom, how did it go with Josiah last night? I mean, did you tell him how you felt?"

"Yes," said Tom. "But it was hard. He took it very well. He hugged me and kissed me, and even told me he loved me, too. But I understand that he really loves Brian. It felt really good to bear my soul to him. But my feeling good about it, I guess, was all that was accomplished. There'll never be anything more between us. I understand that, and that's the way it should be. I'll never stop loving him and wanting him, but I would never do anything in this world that will harm his relationship with Brian. But thanks, Michael, for insisting that I tell him how I feel. You've always known the right thing to do."

Karl said, "You're right, Tom. That's one of the many things I love about Michael. He's always had a way of making things better. He and I had some difficulties recently, and we both went off the deep end over it. But it was all made right because Michael was determined, in his soft, kind way, to make it right."

Michael leaned over and kissed Karl on the lips and said, "And Tom, Karl always gives me more credit than I'm due. It takes two to tango, as the old saying goes."

Tom looked at Michael and Karl with envy. He said, "It's so nice to see two people so much in love as you two. Of course, some of us aren't so lucky." Tom regretted saying that the moment it came out of his mouth. The last thing he wanted was to sound morbid or self-pitying.

Just then, Enrique and Noah wandered into the kitchen. Michael said, "Sit down, boys. Tony's just about to serve us breakfast." As Michael introduced them to Tom, Tom could immediately tell that the two young men were lovers. Very soon, Josiah and Brian joined the table.

As they ate, Michael said, "I have a suggestion. Why don't the five of you get some horses saddled up and ride out to the stream past the Cottonwoods and take a picnic lunch?"

Everyone was most agreeable to the suggestion. Tom liked the idea. He felt as though he needed some fresh air. He had always been a good horseman, but since his opportunities to get back to the Borden Ranch were few lately, he missed having the chance to do any horseback riding.

Tony fixed a basket of roast beef and horseradish sandwiches, some fruit, and a couple dozen brownies filled with walnuts. Jake had his boys saddle up the horses, and the food and drink was stowed in several saddle bags. Before they left, Tom asked Michael if he was sure he didn't want to come along. But Michael and Karl were going to have to go into Goliad that afternoon on business.

They rode their horses up to the north boundary and then down along the rocky stream. Enrique was clearly the best horseman of them all, and soon challenged everyone to a race to the Cottonwoods. Tom pulled ahead of the rest of them for the first three or four miles, but Enrique was purposely holding back. As they approached Michael's little house in the Cottonwoods, Enrique spurred his horse on and won the race handily. Josiah had also pulled ahead of Tom and came in second.

Enrique said, "Tom, you're really good. I should have let you win."

Tom said, "Don't be silly, Enrique, you were clearly the winner by at least five or six lengths. Now where's that stream we're going to?"

Once again, Enrique led the way. When they arrived, they could see the stream was still swollen from the recent rains. Tom suddenly recognized it as the place he and Michael and Caleb had so often come to be alone together. After securing their horses to a long tree branch, they unloaded the food.

Enrique said, "Look how that water's rushing! We need to take a swim before we eat." He quickly took off his shirt and boots. Tom was a little stunned as he watched the others eagerly strip off their clothes and race into the water. He stared at Josiah's naked body and was transfixed by it.

Josiah stopped before jumping into the water and looked back at Tom. "Tom! Don't you want to swim with us. Come on!" Then Josiah walked slowly back to where Tom was standing and said, "Tom, if you don't want to take off your clothes and swim, that's okay. We can just stay here. I'll sit with you."

Unable to take his eyes off of Josiah's body, Tom said, "Of course I want to swim!"

Tom stripped down and, with Josiah holding his hand, they ran into the water. The two of them swan together against the current for several minutes. Then Josiah suddenly broke away and joined the other three. Tom stood up in the water over his waist, watching the four boys roughhousing with one another, splashing and yelling at the top of their lungs, seemingly oblivious to Tom's presence. Tom could feel his penis getting hard as he watched those wet, shiny bodies twisting and turning in and out of the water. His silent pleas for his penis to go down went unheaded . The glimpses he caught of the boys' penises showed that they all were still soft. All he could think of was the terrible embarrassment he would feel when they all got out of the water, with his penis the only one that was hard. Tom began to feel strangely isolated. He imagined the feeling he would have being this older man standing naked with these younger boys, and he the only one with a hard-on. 'Oh, God, I want to die,' he thought.

Soon the dreaded moment came. The four boys decided to get out and dive into their lunch. Tom said, "You go ahead, boys. I think I'll just enjoy the water for a few more minutes." He thought if he could jack off under water, he could then be rid of that fucking hard-on. But just then, Josiah ran back into the water and took Tom's hand. "Come on, Tom, let's all eat together. We can swim some more afterwards."

Josiah could see the panicky look on Tom's face and, looking down, he understood. He could see just below the surface of the water Tom's hard-on. Smiling, he took hold of his own penis and stroked it until it was as hard as Tom's. "Okay, Tom," said Josiah, "Let's walk up there on the shore together. With us both hard, you shouldn't feel like you're the only one. Come on."

As they both walked up on shore with their hard penises wagging from side to side as they walked, Tom was relieved to see that no one noticed. The others were too busy getting out the food and drink. As they sat and ate, Tom lost his bashfulness and even lay flat on his back with the others after lunch looking at the clouds floating by. His penis was soft, but he mused over the thought of what might happen if he suddenly got hard again. Would any of them be interested? Especially Josiah? Would Josiah come over to him and want to suck him off?"

Of course, nothing like that happened. Josiah and Brian lay together, softly caressing each other, and Enrique and Noah were busy looking into each other's eyes and kissing. Now came that strange feeling that he didn't belong. What was he doing here? He was nothing but a fifth wheel. He shouldn't have come. Oh, God. He wanted to get up and throw his clothes back on and ride back to the house. They were just tolerating his presence. My God, he was an older married father. He was a respected University professor. But here he was, his body lying naked next to two pairs of young lovers. 'Why am I doing this?' he wondered. 'Oh, God, if I could just get away. This is killing me.'

Tom lay very still with his eyes closed, just waiting for the time to leave. Then he heard Josiah's voice. "Hey, Tom. What's the matter? Is there something the matter?"

Tom thought to himself, 'Can't he see what's the matter? Can't he see me lying here alone and naked and . . . .'

Soon, the four boys were back in the water. Tom told them that he did not feel like any more swimming and that he was going to get dressed. As he sat watching the boys' naked bodies once again bobbing up and down in the water, he thought about his own sons. Nudity had never been a problem among him and his sons. And they often swam together naked in their family pool. Although his sons were never aware of it, Tom had always been aroused by the sight of their nakedness and the frequent hard-ons they would get without embarrassment. They had seen plenty of his own hard-ons, and he never felt embarrassed. Why, then, was he having such a problem with his nudity today? He knew why. He was odd-man out with these four boys. With his own sons, he was always included in their activity. The three of them were family. They loved one another equally without reservation. Today, though, he was an interloper in someone else's family. He should not have come.

On their way home, Tom told the others to go ahead. He wanted to ride alone along the perimeter of the Walker Ranch. He just wanted to be alone. He had also felt rather alone when he was with the others. He rode several hours, stopping at Michael's house in the Cottonwoods to water his horse at the trough along the side of the house. When he finally returned, it was already time for supper.

Michael greeted Tom at the back door. "We were beginning to worry about you, Tom. Did you have a good time today?"

Tom smiled and said, "Yeah. It was great!"

Come on in, Tom," said Michael. "Do you want to get washed up? We'll be sitting down for supper in a few minutes."

Tom wasn't hungry at all, but came to the table out of politeness. The four boys were talking fast about their day's outing, but Tom's mind was far away. Josiah sat across the table at the other end and hardly looked at him. It was all right. Tom understood."

Michael finally said, "Hey, Tom. You've hardly said a word tonight."

"Oh, Michael, I'm sorry," said Tom with a little laugh. "All that great fresh air about did me in. It was great, but I haven't been used to it, and it kind of tired me out."

"Well, Tom," said Michael. "I'm sure you'll get a good night's sleep tonight."

When supper was over, Enrique and Noah disappeared into their room. The others took their coffee and went out on the front verandah to enjoy the cool night air. Michael and Karl queried Josiah and Brian about their school work. They talked to Brian about his studies in the care of farm animals. They also talked with Josiah about his plans for a writing career. But never once did they refer to Tom as his teacher. Tom was just as happy. He didn't really feel like getting drawn into a conversation of any depth. He tried hard to keep his eyes off of Josiah. He had seen all of Josiah's naked body that day. But in a way, he wished he hadn't. It had intensified his desire for Josiah even more than it had been.

Michael, however, sat next to Tom and did his best to talk with him and bring him into the conversation.

Soon, everyone began to yawn, and it was about time for bed. Josiah and Brian got up and, saying goodnight to Michael and Tom, disappeared into the house. A minute later, Josiah came back to retrieve his hat. As he went back into the house, Tom abruptly stood and followed him. There in the hallway, Tom took Josiah in his arms and said, "Josiah, I'm sorry. I just have to do this. I know I shouldn't. I want to hug you goodnight and kiss you goodnight."

Josiah smiled and, kissing Tom on the lips, said, "Goodnight, Tom. See you in the morning." At that, Josiah turned and went down the hall to his room.

Tom stood there in the dark hall with his arms still reaching out. He stared after Josiah as he disappeared in the darkness at the end of the hall. He suddenly felt so alone. After a few minutes, Michael came in and closed the door to the verandah.

Michael stopped and said, "Tom, it's so good to have you here, and to see you after all these years. It's been a real treat." Michael took Tom in his arms and kissed him on the neck, and on the cheek, and then on the lips." Then releasing Tom, Michael said, I can see you need a good night's sleep. Goodnight, Tom."

As Michael turned to leave, Tom said abruptly, "Michael!"

Michael turned and said, "Yes, Tom?"

With his voice thickened, Tom stammered, "Michael . . . would . . . would you sleep with me tonight?"

Michael walked back and took Tom's head between his two hands and kissed him. "Oh, Tom. Don't you remember? I'm with Karl. Please understand. I can't do that."

Tom's eyes began to fill with tears. "Oh, Tom, please don't," said Michael as he took Tom in his arms again and held him tightly.

"I understand, Michael," whispered Tom. "I guess I forgot. I'm sorry."

Michael said, "Tom, would you like me to sit with you for a little while? We can talk. We haven't had much time to talk, just the two of us."

"No, Michael. I just need to go to bed, I guess. I'll be all right. I guess I just need to get back to my routine and my work. I'm sorry about asking you to . . . ."

"Tom, please don't be sorry. It's Josiah, isn't it?" Michael said softly.

"I don't know what it is anymore, Michael. I think I just want to go home. In my circumstances, I have no business thinking I can turn my fantasies into reality. You go on, Michael. I know Karl's waiting for you. I'll see you in the morning before we leave."

"Are you sure, Tom, you're going to be all right?"

"Of course I'll be all right. Somehow, I always manage to be all right."

Michael kissed Tom again and said Goodnight. Tom stood and watched Michael walk down the hall to his bedroom. When he reached the door, Tom called, "I love you, Michael. I'll always love you."

Going into his own room, Tom threw himself on the bed and beat the pillow with his fist over and over again. He cried, "Why don't I keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to ask Michael to sleep with me. Why in hell did I ever tell Josiah how I felt? I wish none of it had ever happened. I wish I had never come down here. I wish Josiah would find another teacher to torment."

As Tom buried his face in his pillow, he sobbed, "I don't know how I can go on like this. I am so trapped! I am so goddammed trapped with that goddamned fucking woman! Why did I ever do it?"

Turning over on his back and stretching his arms out toward the ceiling, he cried, "Oh, God! I want my life back! Please! I want my life back!"

After several hours, Tom woke up and looked at the clock. It was only 4:30. His eyes were filled with matter from crying. He felt calm now. He thought about his two beautiful sons. They were all so close. They would always be there for him. He loved them so much. He thought about his wife. He had cursed her so many times in recent years, but he never meant it. He knew that he should never blame her for his agonizing frustrations and pent-up longings. She was not to blame. She had always been a good mother to his boys. And she had always been a good wife. But he didn't love her. Oh, yes, he loved her for being a good person and being a good mother, but he had no romantic love for her. He spent his life doing all the things a good middle class, suburban husband and father should do. But it was all a lie. He was living a lie, and he didn't know how to end it. A divorce would destroy the family, and if he revealed his homosexuality, he would lose the love of his dear sons. They did not deserve to pay the price for his mistakes. The family did not deserve to be destroyed just so he could selfishly once again feel happy and free.

As Tom lay there staring out at the yard lights beaming in the window, he resolved to forget his foolish fantasies as best he could and continue the lie for his family's sake. He smiled as he thought that his penis was still his best friend. That and his right hand and his well-developed fantasies still gave him plenty of sexual release when he needed it.

Tom fell back into sleep and awoke again at 6:00. Michael greeted him at the breakfast table looking concerned. Tom said, "Hi, Michael. I just want to let you know, I'm feeling fine now. I guess a good night's sleep is all I needed. And Michael, I'm sorry about last night. I think I just need to get back to work and get my mind occupied with my teaching.

After breakfast, Tom got up and said, "It looks like a beautiful day. Would you mind if I just took my coffee and went out there and sat in your gazebo for awhile."

As Tom walked out, Josiah and Brian came into the kitchen for their breakfast. When they finished, Josiah saw Tom sitting outside and went out to join him. Josiah said, "Tom, can I join you?"


"Tom, what's the matter? You look so lonely sitting out here all by yourself."

"Oh, Josiah, I'm not lonely. I'm just thinking about my classes tomorrow. I still have a little preparation I need to do tonight when I get home."

After a few minutes, Josiah said, "You didn't have a very good time this weekend, did you?"

"Josiah! Of course I did!"

Josiah looked into Tom's eyes and said, "No, you didn't. I could tell. I have eyes, and I have ears. And I have a sort of sixth sense about these things. It was Brian and me. And it was Michael and Karl. I can see now that I shouldn't have brought you into all this. I know how you feel, Tom . . . you know . . . about me. It was thoughtless of me."

Tom looked over at Josiah and put his hand on Josiah's cheek. "Oh, Josiah. What can I say? I just don't belong in this kind of life down here. I guess we both realize that. And I don't belong in your world, either, Josiah. I have no business troubling you the way I have. The world I've made for myself has no room for the kind of love I crave."

Josiah held Tom's hand against his face and said, "That's not true, Tom. You mean there's no room in your world for the love I have for you?"

"No there isn't, Josiah. I'll cherish your love always, but only secretly. I can never openly commit to it and act on it. Neither of us can. I know that you're aware of that and that you're comfortable with this kind of love with me. But I'll never be comfortable with it the way it is. I'll never stop longing to have a full and total consummation of my love for you. But I realize that is all it will ever be . . . a never ending longing."

With a broad smile, Tom then said, "So I have to move on. I have to get back to my family and I need to get back to work. And you and I are going to have to start thinking about that great American novel you'll be doing!"

As Mark and Corky were about to go out for lunch, the phone rang. It was Chief Gonzalez.

"Mark, we've found something," said Gonzalez. "We've been dredging some of the lakes and ponds. This morning, we spotted what looks like a car submerged just below the surface over in Lake Marjorie east of town. We've ordered some towing equipment. Maybe you'd like to git over here and see what we come up with."

Mark hung up and said, "Corky, grab a couple of those Wraps we have in the fridge. We've got to get over to Crawford. We can eat on the way."

When they arrived at Lake Marjorie, the towing equipment was there and several men were in the water hooking a cable to the back of the submerged car. As the car was slowly pulled up onto the shore, everyone, including Mark and Corky went over to look inside. A bundle lay on the passenger seat. One of the police detectives slowly unwrapped it and found the badly decomposed body of a young boy.

Mark said, "My God, it must be Joe. And this car matches the description of the car that was stolen from the used car lot where Jacob Thomas works."

The body was carefully lifted out and put into a plastic body bag for transport back to the forensic lab. Gonzalez said, "Mark, we can't be sure. The Coroner will have to examine the boy and, through forensics, we should be able to positively identify him. That probably won't be until late tomorrow at the earliest."

Mark said, "Well, please keep me informed. If the body is that of Joe Thomas, I hope you will make an arrest."

Gonzalez said, "If he turns out to be Joe Thomas, we will definitely make an arrest. All the evidence points to Jacob Thomas."

"I want to be there when the arrest is made," said Mark.

Mark went back and looked into the car. Something caught his eye on the floor. It was a gold watch encrusted with diamonds and rubies. Mark knew that he should tell the police about it and have it impounded as evidence. But on an impulse, he slipped it into his pocket without mentioning it.

On the following afternoon, Mark received a call that the body had been identified as Joe Thomas, and that the cause of death was stabbing and severe trauma to the head. Chief Gonzalez said, "Mark, we're preparing the arrest warrant now and will be going out to the Thomas place shortly. Do you want to meet us there?"

Mark and Corky jumped in the car and sped toward Crawford. Arriving at the Thomas house, they saw that the police had not yet arrived. But the Thomas's car was in the yard. Mark jumped out and opened the hood. Pulling several wires, he was able to disable the car.

Soon, the door to the house opened and Jacob Thomas came out into the yard. "McLeod!" called Jacob. "Have you found out anything yet?"

Mark said "Well, as a matter of fact, Mr. Thomas, we have. Your son was found dead. And we know that you killed him."

Jacob shouted, "What the fuck are you talking about? If he's been murdered, why are you standing around here. Go and find the son-of-a-bitch who did it."

"We know about the sexual abuse you rendered on both your sons. In fact, your oldest son, Daryl is now living in a very safe and secure place. He has been very graphic about your abuse of your sons, including Joe."

"Aw, he's full o'shit!" yelled Jacob.

Mark continued, "We've found out a lot of things about you, Thomas. It's very likely that one night, your son, Joe, gave you some trouble when you were trying to rape him. And you were so angry, you took him out to that shed over there and killed him."


"Then you drove him in your pickup to the used car lot and stole a 1998 Honda Civic. Then you drove it into Lake Marjorie not far away, hoping no one would ever find it."

"You can't prove that, McLeod. You'll never find my fingerprints on that car."

"No," said Mark, "You carefully left no fingerprints. But the blood we found on the rag and on the machete in your shed was Joe's blood."

Jacob said, "Well, I can explain that. Joe was playin' around with that machete one day and cut hisself. I grabbed that rag to stop the bleedin'.

Mark reached into his pocket and pulled out the gold, diamond encrusted watch. Jacob stared at it unbelieving. "That's my watch ya got there. Where'd ya git it?"

Mark was glad that Jacob so readily admitted the watch was his. "Mr. Thomas, I found this watch on the floor of the car that you drove into the lake. It was no more that ten inches from where Joe's body lay."

Jacob, still staring at the watch, began to back away. Then he turned and sprinted to the car. Getting in, he turned the key, but there was no response. "Goddamn it, what's the matter with this fuckin' thing!" shouted Jacob.

Mark pulled his gun out from beneath his coat and held it on Jacob Thomas. "Mr. Thomas, you might as well just stay seated there. The police are on the way. They plan to take you in and charge you with the murder of your son, Joe."

Very soon, several police squad cars drove up into the yard. Just then Jacob's wife, Mona, ran out of the house and up to the car. "What the hell's going on, Jacob? Why are all these police cars here?"

Jacob shouted back to her, "Well, Mona, these sons-of-bitches are tryin' to arrest me. They think I murdered Joe. Tell 'em, Mona. Tell 'em I ain't had nothin' to do with it!"

Mona stood back with her hands over her mouth. She said, "Joe's dead? You mean Joe's dead?"

The police dragged Jacob Thomas out of the car and, when they handcuffed him, shoved him into the backseat of the police car.

Mark had rather expected Mona to exclaim that her husband had not killed Joe. But she didn't. Mark walked over to her and, taking her by the arm, they sat on the front step of the house. With her hands covering her face, she said, "I knew it. I just knew he'd done something terrible to Joe. He was my baby. I'd lie awake at night prayin' that he was alive somewhere bein' taken care of. But Jacob would never talk to me about it."

"Mrs. Thomas, would you like to go inside?" asked Mark.

"No, I don't wanna go in there!" she said, as she began to cry.

Mark asked, "Mrs. Thomas, tell me about your husband. We know how he has abused your boys, and I suspect he's been cruel to you, too."

"Tell me about it!" said Mona. "I should never have married that bastard."

"Is he originally from around here?"

"No. He was born in Odessa."

"What kind of family did he have?" asked Mark. "Do you know? Was it an abusive family?"

"All I know is that his old man knocked up his mother, but her father took my husband when he was just a baby and put him with the agency. They farmed him out to a foster home, and I understand before they were through with him, he'd been in five or six foster homes. I guess they were all pretty bad. I guess he got raped a couple of times by them foster people, and he must of liked it, because he done the same thing to his own kids."

Mark asked, "Is 'Thomas' a name he was given in one of the foster homes?"

"No. Thomas was his mother's maiden name. When my husband was born, she registered his name as Jacob Thomas. And I think she named him Jacob after the guy who knocked her up."

"Do you know where Jacob's mother is now?" asked Mark.

"Don't have no idea. Jacob said he was just a baby when they gave him away, and he never knew his mama. But he did see his birth certificate once and it showed his name as Jacob Thomas and his mother's name as Janet or Jeanette, or something like that, Thomas."

Mark stood up and said, "Do you have someone who can stay with you? It might not be very good for you to stay alone now."

"No I ain't got nobody. I got some friends down at the Longhorn. I'll just drive down there for awhile."

Mark said, "Oh, I almost forgot. We disabled the car earlier. Let me go and reconnect the wires. And Mrs. Thomas. There'll be a trial for your husband. And you need to expect to be called as a witness at some future time."

As Mark and Corky drove back, Mark said, "Corky, we're going to have to inform Jumper. We're going to have to tell him that his brother's dead. This is the toughest part of this job. And I don't think we should tell him by phone. We need to go down there to the ranch and do it in person. We'll be getting home pretty late tonight. So let's go down early in the morning.

When they arrived home, Mark called Michael and told him about Joe's death and asked him to be sure that Jumper would be around in the morning and that Jake would be with him. They would be down by noon to give Jumper the news.

Michael said, "I'll have them here in the house for lunch and will keep them here until you arrive. I feel so badly for Jumper. I think it would have been better if he never knew. But since we now know what happened, we have to tell him. Jumper's been through a lot of misery in his life. I think he's strong enough to weather the news all right."

When Mark and Corky arrived, Michael suggested they take Jumper and Jake out on the front verandah where they would be alone and undisturbed.

When they were seated, Mark said, "Jumper, you know that Jake asked us to see if we could find your brother, Joe."

"Yeah! Did you find him?" Jumper said eagerly.

Mark didn't respond and bowed his head to think quickly how he was going to tell Jumper. That pause gave Jumper the answer.

Tears began to fill Jumper's eyes, and he said quietly, "He's dead, isn't he? Joe's dead.

Mark could only say, "Yes, Jumper."

"And he was killed by my dad, too, just like I thought, wasn't he?"

Jake, who was sitting next to the boy, put his arms around him and held him tightly. Mark nodded and said, "Yes. Yes, he was, Jumper. I'm sorry."

Jumper said, "At least Joe can't be hurt anymore. I should have run away with him when he first asked me to. I should have."

Mark tried to find the words and finally said. "Jacob Thomas was an evil man. And I know this is no consolation to you, Jumper, but because of Joe's death, the least that will happen to the man will be that he'll go to prison for the rest of his life."

Jake said, "How could a man kill his own son. It ain't possible for me to understand that. You know, they say, these fuckers that are abused themselves when they're little grow up to abuse their own kids."

Mark said, "Well, I found out that Jacob was abused as a child. You're right, Jake. The way I understand it is that some man had gotten Jacob's mother pregnant. She was just a young girl. But the girl's father sent the man away and took the baby and had it put in foster homes. And so Jacob never knew his mother and never knew who his father was. And while he was in foster homes, he apparently went through a lot of sexual abuse."

Jake sat and listened to Mark. Very slowly he asked, "Do you know who Jacob's real mother was?"

Mark said, "I talked to Mrs. Thomas . . . your mother, Jumper . . . and she said no one to her knowledge ever heard anything about her after the baby was taken from her. Jacob, of course, never knew his mother."

Jake's face grew red and flushed. He asked, "Do you know what Jacob's mother's name was?"

"Jake, Mrs. Thomas said she thought it was either Janet or Jeanette, or something like that. She told me that before the baby was taken from her, she had the official birth record show the baby's name as Thomas, which was her own last name, and she gave him the first name of Jacob, apparently after the father."

Jake released his grip on Jumper and let his arms fall limply to his sides. He looked as though someone had hit him in the face with something. Jake stood up and said, "I'm not feeling well. I'm not feeling well at all. I need to go and lie down."

As Jake turned to go, Jumper said, "I'll come with you."

"No!" shouted Jake. "I'm sorry, Jumper. You just stay here. I just want to be alone for a little while."

Jake staggered off the verandah and went around the house toward his room. But before he reached it, he knew he had to talk to someone. The only person he knew to talk to was Michael. Turning around, he walked into the kitchen, past Tony without a word, and down the hall to Michael's office.

Jake went in without knocking and found Michael working at his desk. As he collapsed in a chair, Michael said, "Jake! What's the matter? I've never seen you look like this! You're as white as a sheet. What is it?"

Jake looked at Michael and said, "Jumper's brother Joe is dead."

"I know, Jake. Mark called me before he came down here."

"Jumper's dad killed him. Jumper's dad is my son."

Michael leaned forward and said, "What! What are you talking about."

"I found out that his mother was Jeanette Thomas. And she was the girl I got pregnant. Remember, I told you. Her father got rid of me and sent the baby away to live in foster homes. And that baby was Jacob Thomas, my own son. His mother named him Jacob after me. And he's Jumper's father. And . . . ."

Michael rushed around the desk and knelt down in front of Jake. Taking Jake's shaking hand, he said, "Are you sure, Jake? There are probably a lot of people named Jacob Thomas?"

"No, he's the one. He's the baby I had with Jeanette Thomas, who was then taken away from both of us."

"Jake, you're shaking," said Michael. "Please come in the other room and lie down on the bed."

As Jake lay there on the bed, staring at the ceiling, he muttered, "My son is a murderer. He killed my grandson. He's a murderer."

The thought, of course, immediately occurred to Michael that Jumper was also Jake's grandson, if what Jake was saying was true. Tears filled Jake's eyes as he continued to stare at the ceiling. Michael said, "Jake, why don't you just lie here for awhile and maybe try to go to sleep."

Jake closed his eyes as several tears ran out of the corners. Michael walked quietly out and closed the door. He ran into Jumper who said he was headed to Jake's room to see if he was all right. Michael told him that Jake was lying down in the bedroom just off of the office. If he wanted to, he could go in there and sit with him. As Jumper went down the hall and into Michael's bedroom, Michael went out on the veranda where Mark and Corky were still sitting.

"How's Jake?" said Corky.

Michael sat down and said, "He . . . well . . . he's lying down in my room. I think he . . . I think he'll be all right."

Mark said, "Jumper surely did take the news like a trooper. He must love Jake so much. He eventually seemed a lot more concerned about Jake's not feeling well than he was about the really bad news we gave him."

Michael said, "Well I think it hit Jumper very hard to hear that his father had murdered his brother. But he's a strong kid. To him, it was Jake who he was immediately concerned about. I think the two of them now will have a great deal to talk about.

When Tom Borden returned home, he found his wife Julie cooking dinner. She said, "Hi, honey. Did you have a good time down at that ranch?"

"I had a great time," said Tom. "But I was ready to come home. I'm going to have to get busy tonight to prepare for my classes tomorrow. Of course, I didn't even think about them while I was gone."

"Well, you deserved the break," said Julie giving Tom a quick kiss. "The boys are out in the pool. They're swimming without their swimming suits on again. They know how much I object to their being nude like that out there. I'm embarrassed to have the neighbors see them."

"Well, Julie, how many times do I have to remind you that the houses in this area are so far apart, no one can see through all the trees into our back yard. I'm going out to say hi to them."

Tom walked out onto the pool deck and sat down. The two boys, seventeen year old Robbie and sixteen year old Kevin were trying to play their own simple version of water polo. "Hi guys!" Tom shouted. Both boys climbed out of the pool and gave their dad a kiss on the cheek and welcomed him home. Then they were back in the pool. Robbie shouted, "Dad, come on in and play water polo with us!"

Tom said, "Not today, boys. But how in the world can you play water polo with only one guy on each team? All you're doing is throwing the ball back and forth."

The boys laughed, and Kevin shouted, "You can do anything if your imagination is good enough!"

Tom looked at his two naked sons. He thought back to the days when he had a body like theirs. He had once looked at his backside in the mirror, wondering if his ass cheeks were still as round and firm as those on his sons. Oh, to be young again . . . and single. He didn't mean for that last word to enter his mind. But there it was. Tom had some time ago admitted to himself that he was attracted to his own sons . . . sexually attracted to his sons. He often swam with them in the pool, all three of them naked. And he would always get a hard-on. But it never bothered him because the boys would get them, too, as they swam. As he looked at Robbie and Kevin, he could once again feel his penis begin to swell in his pants.

Robbie and Kevin suddenly threw the ball up on the deck and began tussling with each other in the water with much laughing and shouting. As they rose up out of the water and back down again, he could see that both had hard-ons. 'God, they're beautiful, he thought.

When he was down at the Walker Ranch, he had learned, to his surprise, that Michael and his son, Jeff, had long been sexual lovers. And he learned, also, that his old friend, Caleb, and his son, Noah, had the same openly sexual relationship. Tom looked at his two boys. How he yearned to have their naked bodies pressed close to his so he could feel them and kiss them. Why would that be so wrong? Michael and Caleb had that kind of relationship with their sons.

At night, he knew that Robbie and Kevin, who shared a bedroom, were jacking off. He could hear the tell-tale sounds that boys make when they're jacking off together. He had also found wet tissues on the floor next to their beds in the morning when he went in to wake them up. He would pick them up and take them into the bathroom. But before he threw them in the toilet, he would hold them up to his face and breath in the wonderful sexual odor of his sons' sperm. The boys knew that he was finding the wet tissues, but they weren't concerned because Tom had told them during his "Facts of Life" talk several years earlier that masturbation was something that all boys and men do for pleasure and for release of sexual tension. Tom had even admitted to them that he still jerked off frequently. He secretly wished that the boys would walk in on him and catch him jacking off sometime. And he had so often been tempted to open the boys' door and walk in on them when he knew they were jacking off. But he never could get himself to do it.

That night, Julie had gone to bed early and left Tom to work on his class preparation. When he finally went to bed, he lay there with his fantasies swirling around in his head. As usual, he fantasized about having sexual activity with both Robbie and Kevin. But now, there was the added pictures in his mind of Michael and his son, and Caleb and his son, all rolling around in bed, screwing their balls off. And if that were not enough, there was always in the picture his dear, sweet Josiah, who he loved so much. Once again he could hear his sons in the room across the hall jacking off and grunting while they did it. Tom's fantasies were exploding all through his head, and his hard penis was dripping with great quantities of pre-cum. He stroked faster and faster in the bed next to Julie, who always slept soundly through all his jacking off. The bed rocked and, as he heard his sons groaning loudly during their orgasms, Tom's body stiffened as his orgasm swept over him and his penis erupted with stream after stream of hot, thick cum.

Tom lay there, panting and trying to catch his breath as his cum became watery and began running down his side onto the bed. Just then, he heard the boys' door open and heard them both giggling softly as they went into the bathroom. Tom imagined his two sons washing each other off. He had an overpowering urge to get up and join them in the bathroom and wash himself off in front of them. But soon, he heard them return to their room and close the door.

Tom wondered if the two boys got into the same bed when they jerked off. He wondered if perhaps they even sucked each other's penis. Maybe they even fucked each other. Even before he had gotten total control of his breathing, these thoughts started to make his penis rise up again, stiff and hard. He then pictured in his mind his beloved Josiah lying on his back with his sensuous thighs brought up against his chest while Brian fucked him.

It was all too much. Tears began to flow from Tom's eyes. How could he stand this any longer? That horrible feeling of being trapped in a marriage without love, at least on his part, swept over him. How many nights? How many hundreds of nights did he lie in bed and suffer this terrible feeling of despair? He knew he was still attractive. He knew that if he only had his life back, he could finally once again live the life that he was meant to live. As he had done so many countless times before, he cried himself to sleep. And the next morning he would go back into his routine at the University with little thought in his mind, other than the job at hand. It was always the nights that he dreaded most.

Morning finally came. He kissed his wife goodbye and went off to his first class where his mind could be totally absorbed with the work of his students.

To be continued...


Posted: 10/17/08