Reclaiming Austin
By:
William Tyler King
(Copyright 2005-2007 by the author)
The author retains all rights. No reproductions
are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
Chapter 15
I was running late for the coffee
house and I didn't have time to take Austin back to my apartment, so
I had him along. We talked on the way down and he agreed to come in
as long as it was somewhere he didn't have to see anyone. He said he
wasn't ready for that yet and besides, he had a headache.
I knocked on the back door when we got there till Jorge opened the
door with a confused look. He was excited to see me, as he said they
all figured I wasn't showing, and a little confused to see Austin
whom he'd never met. I asked if Austin could stay in the back while
I performed and he was fine with it. Austin gave me a small kiss
before I went out to face the crowd. Actually, it wasn't the crowd
so much that I was scared of. It was the temper of the Diva singing
that made me queasy.
Marika was singing an old Diana Krall song and had the crowd
mesmerized; she did however notice me sneaking in and shot me an icy
stare. When the song was over she called for a few minutes' break
and walked over silently.
"This better be damned good gayboy!" she said evenly.
I met her eyes and said softly, "Austin's in the back room. Jason
left me and I found Austin being held by a sociopath who'd drugged
him and tied him up. Then I had to get him today, cause he tried
running away so I was late. Sorry."
Marika just stared a moment then blinked and said, "Say what?"
I repeated it and assured her I'd tell her everything later. She
just shook her head and said, "Lord AL-Mighty! You boys and your
Drama!" Then told me what songs she'd done and we agreed to do our
original first set as a finale.
When the break was over I got up and apologized to the audience for
being so late.
"This is a song by the Eurythmics, I'd like to dedicate it to a lost
soul named Austin."
Love is a stranger In an open car to tempt you in And drive you far
away
And I want you And I want you And I want you so It's an obsession
Love is a danger Of a different kind To take you away And leave you
far behind And love, love, love, Is a dangerous drug You have to
receive it And you still can't Get enough of the stuff
It's savage and it's cruel And it shines like destruction Comes in
like the flood And it seems like religion It's noble and it's brutal
It distorts and deranges And it wrenches you up And you're left like
a zombie
And I want you And I want you And I want you so It's an obsession
It's guilt edged Glamorous and sleek by design You know it's jealous
by nature False and unkind It's hard and restrained And it's totally
cool It touches and it teases As you stumble in the debris
And I want you And I want you And I want you so It's an obsession
Ryan was beaming with a cute toothy grin from the front of the
audience, I winked at him to affirm his suspicions that Austin and I
had... well, whatever we'd done.
Marika and I did a few more songs, Beatles, Gladys Night, Diana
Washington, and a great adaptation of Great Gig In The Sky, by Pink
Floyd. Her gospel overtones really added a great depth and soul to
the song, which was already a powerful song with Marika doing the
vocals. If I'd ever heard an orgasm without sex, that was it.
When it was over, I signed a few autographs, then grabbed a few
drinks and slipped back to find Austin sitting with Jorge, getting
stoned and talking. I handed Austin an iced Latte' and sat down to
see what was going on.
"I'm ok Alex," he blushed. "Just tired," he added, then said with a
smile, "Thank you for that song, I haven't heard it in years... I
feel all that stuff about you too," he added clumsily. But I smiled,
cause I knew he meant it.
Ryan and Michael came bursting into the room with big grins.
"AUSTIN!!!!!" Ryan yelled as he rushed to hug him. Michael just
laughed at his boyfriend and waved to me. Austin must have flinched
or jumped when Ryan hugged him cause Ryan stepped back and asked
seriously,
"What's wrong?" He wasn't going to back down and Austin looked at me
then down to the ground and shook his head saying, "Nothing, just
not feeling great."
Ryan didn't believe him apparently, "Dude, I haven't seen you or
heard from you in weeks. What's wrong?" Ryan looked at me. "Will
somebody please tell me what's going on?"
"He was hurt when I found him Ryan, but it's taken care of." I said.
I thought of my last sight of Dennis and Gene as I left the
apartment and got goose bumps. "He'll be ok," I added, looking at
Austin and smiling to give him some strength.
Austin seemed to be slapped by Ryan's words, though I know Ryan
didn't mean them to sound like an accusation, in Austin's state of
mind, that's how he perceived it.
"Ryan, you've been a fuck'n awesome friend, I'm just not ready to
talk right now... I will and I promise, I'll tell you everything.
Please don't be mad."
Ryan softened a bit at Austin's plea, how could you stay mad at a
guy so obviously beat down and not himself? "So, you staying at
home?" Ryan asked, deciding to drop the subject as he realized we
weren't going to talk yet. "Um, No; staying with Alex," Austin said,
slipping his hand in my back pocket and pulling me closer. Since I
hadn't talked to Jorge yet, I was a little wary of getting too comfy
with Austin in front of him. "I told mom and pop about Alex, and my
dad freaked out and told me never to come over again." Austin said
with an obvious bravado that everyone saw through.
"What about school Austin? And Baseball?" Michael asked in his
mellow baritone, his concern evident.
"Don't know right now; I'm not in school at the moment. I'll figure
all that shit out, I guess. Right now I just... I need to be here,"
Austin said softly. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it
reassuringly.
Marika popped in and said the audience wanted another set and that
we could do last weeks'. So I left Ryan, Michael and Jorge after a
quick hug and kissed Austin on the lips before I went out to face
the very hyped-up crowd.
When I was done Henna came up to me with a sad face. I knew as a
friend of Jason's that I was going to have to explain what was going
on to her. So we went outside for a while.
"Jason called me last night and told me what happened and that he
was going to New York for a job." Henna said lighting a cigarette.
I hung my head; this wasn't going to be easy. I hated even saying
it. "Henna, Jas saw me with Austin and a few bags of Austin's stuff
but didn't allow me to respond or explain. I would have stepped in
front of a train before hurting him, Henna, or Austin. Austin had to
come home with me... I found him..." I paused and swallowed.
"I found him drugged and tied to a bed... being..." I trailed
weakly, not wanting or needing to finish the sentence. Her mouth
hung open and her head dropped in disbelief.
"He dropped out of school and... And his dad threw him out and told
him not to come home." I paused for a few moments before adding,
"but I love them both. I would give my life for either of them
Henna, I don't want to hurt either one of them... I can't stand the
idea that I hurt Jason. He's never done anything but be good to me
and love me," I said in misery.
"Baby, I don't know if there is any good advice here; it's a
horrible place you're in. I'm Jason's friend and have to pull for
him, but I'm your friend too, and I want you to make the right
choice. You owe it to both of them as well as yourself. But as the
owner of this place I can say I want you to keep coming back.
Business is booming and the crowd loves you," she said firmly
holding my hand. She put out her cigarette and stepped to the door
then turned and offered, "I'll try and explain what you told me to
Jason... But I'm going to gently recommend that he forget about you
Alex and move on with his life... for his sake." I nodded slowly,
wishing I would be swallowed by the earth and permitted to sleep
till the world sorted itself out.
Suddenly a group of people came out and, oblivious to my pain or
Henna's worry, they all smiled and grinned and wanted to have
pictures taken with me. Henna went inside as I made the fans happy.
When all that was left was a skinny effeminate 18 year old with
spiked blue hair, and myself, he offered to go home with me and do
anything I liked. I gave him a wry smile and shook my head. "Thanks
hon, but I have more men now than I know what to do with... but
thanks."
He seemed a little disappointed but smiled and said the offer was
always good.
I went around to sneak in the backdoor when I ran into Jorge with a
sad look on his face.
"Hey Alex, can we talk a minute dude?" He asked, leaning against the
building.
"Sure, What's up, Jorge?"
"Well, might be none of my goddamned business, but... that boy
Austin, he needs some help. Not sure what he's working through, but
dude, he needs you. Don't worry about Jase right now... That boy in
there needs some help"
Jorge let me in the back door to find Michael looking over Austin's
bruised back while Ryan held him with an angry calm.
"Alex, will you please tell me who the fuck did this?" Ryan growled.
"Austin won't say anything. Christ! Whoever fucking did this is
gunna fucking wish they were never fucking born!" Ryan growled
angrily.
"I can't tell you everything Ryan, not yet... but the guy who did
that won't ever do anything like it ever, ever again." I caught
Ryan's eyes and dropped my voice to a growl, "I promise you that." I
offered solemnly.
Michael walked up and gently pulled Austin's shirt down over his
back to cover him back up. Austin seemed so weak and ashamed just
then, his eyes were glazed and he seemed to shrink against the wall.
Michael gave me a worried look, which I met. He took my hand and
squeezed it in his in silence. I knew he was offering his strength
and sympathy.
"If you need a place to stay, Austin you can stay with Michael and
I." Ryan offered.
Austin reached for me suddenly, pulling me close. I knew it was a
plea to stay with me; I closed my eyes grateful that he wanted to
stay with me as much as I wanted him to.
"Thank you Ryan, but... we need to be together right now, we still
have a lot to talk about and... I really need him now," Austin said
softly.
Ryan nodded and Michael silently slipped his arm around Ryan's
shoulder. "Can we come up and take you both out this week?" He asked
after a moment of silence.
"Of course... I think we just can't stand the idea of not being
together... I kinda hate the idea of not being there to protect him
even though I know he'd be totally safe with you." I said with a
smile.
"Ummm," Austin interrupted. "Can we get back home soon, Alex? I'm
really tired and my head really hurts. No offense, guys," he offered
to Ryan and Michael.
So after a few goodbyes, and a few words to Marika and Phil, I
gathered my massive treasure and loaded him into my jeep and drove
him home in silence.
Austin slept most of the way home and his light snoring could just
be heard over the wind and engine. The love I had for Austin was so
different from what I shared with Jason. With Jason it was a calm,
grown up, warm and filling feeling. With Austin it was like a race,
like my heart was running 100 miles an hour, it had elements of
danger and out-of-control feelings. My love for him was like an
addiction, every second I was near him I wanted him more.
Once we got home, I took him upstairs and helped him get undressed
and after I got ready, I cradled his head on my chest as he slept
and I ran my fingers through his soft dark hair till I too drifted
off to sleep.
The next morning I got up first and made some eggs and bacon along
with some brioche from Mrs. Tremere. As I was getting the coffee
made I heard Austin in the bathroom and saw him come out as I sat
the plates on the table, he wore an oversized Jaguars t-shirt over
some boxers.
"I had to wear a shirt. Don't want you to see my scars." He said
with a weak smile. I held his gaze a moment then sat the plates down
and walked over to him. I held his gaze till I was past him then
took his shirt gently, lifted it slowly, and kissed him on the
shoulder blades between two of his scabs.
"You don't have to, Austin, but you're damned hot this way so I'll
let it go this time." And I kissed between his shoulder blades once
more before gently covering his back again. He reached around and
held my hand before turning to kiss me. "I don't know how to thank
you, Alex... for everything you've done." Austin said, holding my
hands in his. I looked from my hands, which seemed so small in his,
up to his eyes. There was a storm raging behind those sapphires and
I wanted so badly to just hold him till it quieted.
"Don't worry about that now baby; just sit down and eat and get
better... ok?" Austin sat and nodded.
"Got any aspirin, Alex? My headache is still bothering me." I got
him the pills and some juice and ate with him. After breakfast he
laid back down while I made a few phone calls.
I called Mr. Riley later and apologized and explained a little of
what had happened. After a drama queen remark, he paused and said
he'd assumed something traumatic had occurred, then asked if Austin
and I would join Mrs. Tremere and him for dinner before my show
later. I agreed and suggested Little Saigon, in Orlando. Austin got
a grin when he heard this and I winked at him.
So we washed Austin's new clothes and made space for his stuff in my
closet, and then ran out to pick up a few more things he needed. By
4:30 we began getting ready to head to Orlando and meet up with my
boss and next-door neighbor.
Once we got to Little Saigon, we found them eating appetizers and
waiting for us. Mrs. Tremere almost fell over rushing to Austin and
smothering him with kisses and hugs as Mr. Riley and I stood shaking
hands and laughing.
"Ohhh, my boys, once more a couple, yes?" She asked with sparkling
eyes. I looked at Austin, who just smiled and nodded at me.
"Yeah, we have a lot to work out, but, we'll do it as a couple I
think." I said holding Austin's hand under the table.
Julie was elated to find Austin and me together and impressed Mrs.
Tremere by speaking French to her. I helped all of them order and
sat back as we listened to Mrs. Tremere tell us stories about France
and what it was like when she arrived here. I could tell both Mr.
Riley and she had questions about Austin, but good sense told them
to hold them for now. Austin knew it too and squeezed my hand
tightly. Later, my boss and my boyfriend began to discuss sports and
Mrs. Tremere and I discussed food and how nice it was for her to be
going out again. It's amazing how easily two conversations can take
place at one table with no overlap.
"Well Alex, Austin, this lovely lady and I have a gallery opening to
attend, so I think we'll take our leave. Alex, I'll see you Monday
morning," Mr. Riley said. We said our goodbyes and sat down to have
a Vietnamese coffee and then head over to the coffee house. Austin
mentioned that I might be developing a caffeine addiction with a
grin.
Julie kept us a while and sent a Tupperware container of summer
rolls home with us.
We got to the Seattle Scene early and visited with Henna, Jorge,
Phil, and Korma while the crowed started to file in and we waited
for the others.
Phil and Korma were acting odd-but then, so were Austin and I.
Finally Korma jumped up, grabbed my hand and said, "Come on Alex, I
need to go to the bathroom." I was dragged off as the table began
laughing at my rapid departure.
"Ok, what's up Korma?" I asked outside the woman's restroom.
She beamed and kept looking through the crowd to our table. "Can you
keep a secret Alex? A BIG secret?" She asked all bubbly. I just
snapped my head up and squealed, "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE GETTING
MARRIED!" Rather then being shocked that I got it, Korma screamed,
"YES!" and hugged me excitedly.
Austin was hugging Phil and Henna was ordering one of the girls to
bring a round of drinks to the table when we got back. Korma showed
us her ring and Phil beamed at us and she glowed and for a while
Austin and I for a change, were witnesses and not the main
attraction. Thank god!
Marika and I dedicated a whole bunch of love songs that night to
Korma and Phil and brought her up to congratulate them that night.
Rather than go right home that night after the show, Austin, Korma,
Phil and I walked around Lake Eola and looked at the city lights and
the beautiful park around us as we walked hand in hand. Phil and
Korma knew something was up with Austin, Hell, his quiet withdrawn
nature was so antithical to his normal demeanor. But my cavalier
attitude told them to leave it be.
Austin was soo... Clingy, not his normal bubbly and sarcastic self.
I knew why, but to the world he was just unusually quiet and
taciturn.
They set the date for the wedding in January and wanted to know if
we'd help arrange things. Well, they wanted to know if "I'd" help
arrange things and Austin would help me.
Sunday we spent shopping and just lying around the house. We ordered
a pizza for dinner and I sat watching my man, seeing him as both the
source of strength, and a weak little boy broken by an inexpressible
evil. And I decided I had to do something I hadn't done in years. I
had a secret I hadn't told anyone in many years, since my junior
year of college. I knew some of what he was going through, and I
knew both how alienating it could be, and how emasculating it was.
After dinner while we watched TV, I finally got up the nerve and
muted the TV and sat between Austin's legs on the couch with my back
to his chest.
Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around me.
"Honey?" I asked softly.
"Yeah Alex, what's up?"
"I... Ummm... I need you to listen to me, ok?"
"Sure baby." He held me a little tighter; confusion was making his
voice higher. I swallowed and sank into the contact and just
breathed a few moments.
"You ever wonder why I got into martial arts?" I asked, not looking
at him.
"You said it was cause all those bastards in high school teased you
so bad," Austin said concerned.
"Yeah, that was part of it, but... ummm... not so much the main
reason. I've only ever told two people about this." I said in a
voice that sounded hollow even to me. I felt as though I were
watching myself on TV... Like I wasn't in control anymore.
"Alex, what's up?" Austin asked worried.
"Ummmm, see, there was a short time in high school I was out... my
senior year. I was with this twenty two year old guy I wanted to
date. And, well, he didn't want to... So we stopped going out and I
went back to this gay bar in Daytona that he'd taken me to. The
doorman remembered me and let me in. I was 17. And... well, looked
12, I guess, so I have no idea how I got in, but my first was very
well known and very influential in that bar. So this bar is full of
all these old men, and leather types, and drag queens... and I'm
almost ready to run when this big, younger, red haired guy comes
over and buys me a drink. He was real muscular and butch... you
know?" I asked rhetorically.
"So... Rusty, that's what he called himself. Rusty starts asking me
questions and flirting and this is all so new to me. There was no
flirting with the other guy, just sex. And he keeps buying me
drinks. And he says he's in construction and we laugh at some
Village people joke I made. He was big Austin, taller and stronger
than you... and maybe 30 or so. So he asks if I want to get stoned
and like the stupid seventeen year old I was, I went, not thinking
or telling anyone or anything, like it's this big adventure."
"Oh baby..." Austin whispered in my ear, seeing what was coming in
my story.
"So we get in his truck and he produces this joint of the most
kick-ass pot I'd ever had. I was seeing things and tracers and
stuff, it had to be laced with something. And I remember him asking
if I wanted to go to his place. So we did. And the next thing I know
I'm naked and he's fondling me, and I don't really mind; I'm
attracted to this guy... but..."
I swallowed and turned my face to look away from Austin's direction.
"He undressed and... god, he was tremendous, not so long, but thick,
like a beer can or an arm... I told him I'd try to give him head but
I couldn't take that... He never got aggressive or hit me, but no
matter how much I begged him to stop, he climbed on me and bent my
legs so they were over my head..." I shuddered as I spoke, feeling
smaller and tinyer than I had in years.
"He was so big, he just... pounded me, like a jack hammer... I
remember hearing the slamming of the headboard against the wall, he
totally ignored my pleas and my crying. There was this awful oldies
station on. I still hate Chuck Mangioni. I remember thinking he was
going to break the bed he was hammering me so hard, and the
headboard was slamming the wall... and it hurt, it burned... it felt
like some yard tool being shoved in and out of me." Austin held,
saying "Baby, no, no, no, no, no..." over and over in my ear.
"I don't recall going to sleep; I must have passed out. The next
morning he woke me up like nothing had happened... the place where
I'd slept was bloody and... I left... 'Stuff' in a pile." I was
still embarrassed to admit this. Poor Austin was resting his
forehead on my shoulder. "He drove me to the bar and I drove home...
it was over a week till I could go to the bathroom again, and I bled
for several days... I told one girl so she'd get me some ex-lax....
But... it's not something a guy talks about, you know? Not even a
little fag like me." His arms almost cut off my breathing he hugged
me so hard against his chest.
"I wanted to tell you Austin, so... so you'd know I understood and
you weren't alone. It was a long time ago. I still feel like a third
person when I talk about it. But, I'm here Austin, for whatever you
need. You can talk if you need to or whatever."
Suddenly Austin began standing up taking me with him. A moment later
I was held like a bride on a honeymoon by two big arms. I looked up
to his face and saw two sad loving eyes looking back at me. "We're
one fucked up couple, you know that?" Austin said tenderly.
He carried me to bed and lay next to me and we kissed and nuzzled
and protected each other from the monsters that haunted the night..
Sunday and Monday were low key. We stayed home, talked and did silly
chores. Austin's Mom called and said she'd meet him later in the
week to give him all the stuff he'd left at home. Tuesday night, I
asked if Austin wanted to go to Robert's house to listen to us
practice, but he opted to stay home as he still had that headache.
Besides, I knew he wasn't ready for big crowds yet.
So I went over and Marika and I did a great rendition of Sonny and
Cher's version of "I got you Babe". It was made all the more funny
due to my size and Marika's Diva attitude.
Then we started practicing a great bit Phil had dreamed up, it was
half drama and half musical. We practiced until eleven-thirty and
then went home.
At home I found the place dark and went around looking for Austin. I
panicked when I couldn't find him. I knew there were no busses this
late and had no clue where he'd go. But I grabbed my keys and
started running down the stairs, when I heard loud laughing coming
from Mrs. Tremere's apartment. This was pretty late for her to be
up.
I stopped on a hunch and went to knock on her door. "Come in Alex!"
she shouted without even looking to see who it was. When I walked in
I felt like I'd entered a very posh bakery. The smell was amazing
and there were several loaves of bread and muffins, two pies and
Austin with flour all over his face, grinning at me sheepishly.
"Mon cheri, since getting you to commit to learning to cook is like
asking you to date a cheerleader, I think I will steal your
boyfriend while you sing." Austin came over carrying a loaf of bread
he'd made. It was... interestingly shaped, looking more like a bear
poop than a food item. But he had a big smile on his face and... how
could anyone take away that addictive smile?
"Well thank you, Austin. What are you having for breakfast?" I
teased. So he showed me his pie and rolls, which were also
somewhat... less artistically put together than Mrs. Tremere's. I
could think of no other person that would be better for Austin to
spend time with than my proxy grandmother and friend.
"He shows much promise, Alex, and we had a wonderful time tonight.
I'm so glad you left him for me." Mrs. Tremere said as I grinned
while she put her kettle on.
As she made tea, I took Austin to the bathroom and showed him his
flour coated face in the mirror which made him laugh. So I kissed
him and left him to wash off.
"You left him like that on purpose Mon cher." I laughed as I entered
the dining room.
"Oui, it made me laugh all night, and I thought that you would
appreciate it too," she said as she brought the teapot to the table.
We sat and cut into a lemon custard pie as we sat and drank tea.
Austin came in with a wet face and sat down and joined joining us
for tea but said he'd skip the pie as his stomach was bothering him.
Mrs. Tremere invited us over for a thanksgiving dinner even though
it was still early October. She wanted to be first, as the previous
year I'd had almost six dinners to attend and missed hers.
I finally dragged Austin out of there after helping to clean up her
kitchen. Austin proudly carried his bread and muffins home as I held
his pie. I felt so close at that moment to that boy.
We cleaned up and went to bed.
Much later that night I heard my name and felt my self shaken awake,
I turned over sleepily and asked, "What's up?"
"My stomach, is... " He groaned in such a way that I was wide awake
and had the lights on in seconds. Austin was curled up holding his
stomach. I couldn't lift him and there was no way he could walk down
the stairs, so I called 911 and got dressed, and tried to figure out
how to dress him. I kept asking what was wrong, but all he did was
groan.
The paramedics got there and asked a lot of questions about fights
and food and drugs, all of which I said weren't likely, then they
began asking about our sexual practice, as it was obvious to them
that we were a couple. I told them we hadn't done anything since
he'd come home... then it hit me. I know I paled and said in a soft
voice, "I-I went to Gainesville to get him, to talk with him... and
found him..." I couldn't look the guy in the face. "He was tied up
and drugged with ruffies or something like that... and, he'd been
beat... and I saw these giant dildos. But he's not into that; he's
never done that..."
"You're saying he was raped?" The young black guy asked sounding
impatient and medical. I nodded my head ashamed for Austin.
"It's peritonitis, or perhaps an impaction. Meet us at the hospital,
the doctor will have questions. Is there a police report?" I shook
my head no.
It turns out that when fuckwad Gene was... molesting him, he'd
gotten too rough and torn the lining of Austin's anus and it had
gotten infected. So they put him on an antibiotic IV and used a
probe to determine how bad the tearing was. Thankfully it wasn't too
bad, according to them. But he was infected seriously.
I wanted Gene's head on a pole for all rapists to see-- after I'd
beaten him till his body was pulp. I'm embarrassed to say I preyed
that Dennis had killed Gene, and my wrath drove me to some very dark
thoughts.
Austin was still unconscious at 6am and I knew I had to get work,
though I couldn't stand to be away from Austin's side.
Work was awful and I spent a lot of the day calling the hospital to
check up on him. About noon I looked up his parent's number and
called his Mom. She was panicked and asked a lot of questions I
could barely answer. Marika gave me a lot of support, as did James
and Mr. Riley.
When I got there at 4:30 I know I looked like hell, but I was
shocked when the nurse wouldn't let me into his room. "Sorry, you
aren't family and you aren't on the list," was all I was told. She
wouldn't even tell me how he was doing. Finally I went to the main
floor and called up to the room. I got his Mother. "It's your fault
my boy's like this; woulda neva happened if he'da dated that girl he
seen up ta Gainesville," she said bitterly. Then she hung up. I
panicked. She was right, how could I deny that fact? But I also knew
she wouldn't let me see him and this terrified me.
Fortunately, the one thing a small town offers is a LOT of people
who know you. So I called two of my friends who worked there and got
updates on how he was doing.
The next day I went over after work and sat in the waiting room and
got a few calls to the nurses station to get updates from my
friends. About 6:30, this haggard woman who looked almost like a
character off of He-Haw came down the hall from Austin's room. She
was wearing an ancient blue gray housedress with a faded yellow
floral design and tight little slipper-like shoes on her feet. Her
skin was ancient looking and no sign of my Austin could be seen in
her face no matter how hard I searched. It was hard to accept that
my all American poster boy had come from this walking southern clich?
"Mrs. Camble?" I asked calmly. She had ratty grey hair pulled back
in a bun and her skin was leather-like and wrinkled. I didn't look
like a supermodel just then either, I guess.
"How long you been out here?" she asked with a sharp gaze on me.
"Since 4:30, and lunch time."
"He's awake now," she offered reluctantly. My heart leapt at this.
"All he asks about is where you are..." She accused me like it was a
curse. "Doesn't say nothing bout his daddy or nobody else."
"Mrs. Camble, I-I-I didn't do this to him. I'm the one who saved
him... I'm the one who stopped the bastard." I pleaded as though
this would change her mind.
"He's awake, ya can take yourself on home now." She dismissed me as
she clutched her Marlboros.
I hung my head in defeat, I didn't want to fight this woman or cause
her any pain... I wanted my Austin and I was going crazy. Mrs.
Tremere, Glenn and Jennifer came by later but they weren't allowed
in either.
The next morning as I spilled my woes to Marika she asked what floor
Austin was on. I told her and she grinned. "Can you cover me for a
few minutes since it's not too busy?" She asked suddenly. I nodded
and she disappeared. I thought it odd to do this in the middle of my
whining spree but she'd been comparing me to Tolstoy by that point
anyways.
A few minutes later she came back in walking with a swish that told
everyone she was a Diva to be reckoned with. Her metallic blue skirt
shimmering and her smile beaming.
"Can you be at the hospital at 9:30 tonight?" She asked.
"Yeah, but that's after hours." I said.
"Which means my sister can get you in and Austin's mama won't be
there," she said with a certain amount of triumph. "My sister Tamara
is the RN on duty tonight on that Floor." She grinned at me, my
heart leapt and I gave her a world-class hug.
"I love you, Marika"
She patted my back and grinned, "Of course you do, sugar"
So that night, after visiting hours were over, I went up in the back
elevators and went to the nurses station. This pretty young red
haired nurse smiled up at me, "You must be Alex. Austin's been
talking about all day."
I didn't need to answer as my blush and smile said it all. "Ms.
Jones said to let you go right in, honey." She smiled at me.
I was so grateful at that moment for small town mentality, small
town nepotism, and southern gentility. At least this time they were
working in my favor instead of against me.
So I walked down the hall quickly and pushed the large door open and
heard a rerun of "Friends" playing on the TV. Austin didn't even
look at me, assuming I was a nurse. His skin was pale and his eyes
were sunken.
"Hey, I paid for a queen sized bed! What the hell is this twin thing
doing in here?" I said with a grin.
Austin almost leapt out of bed when he looked up and saw me. His
grin was narcotic.
"Alex!!!!" He barked, trying to stand. I stepped over to him and
held him down with a hand to his chest. Then I leaned down and
kissed him with a small passionate kiss.
"Hi, how you feeling drama boy?" I asked sitting down next to him
and holding his hand.
"A lot better than the other night. Fuck'n, felt like lava snakes
crawling around in my fucking belly." He grinned then got a sad
face.
"Sorry about my mama. She told me you were here the whole time...
she..." He trailed off with an unnecessary explanation.
"Baby, she was scared and being protective... Can't say I'd have
shared you either if I were in her shoes." Austin gave me a funny
grin, "She shops Payless shoes, I can't see you in them baby." He
smirked, "Anyways, this nurse today named Dorra told me I could put
you on my visitors list tomorrow. "
"What about your mom?" I asked concerned.
"She'll have to get fucking used to it I guess." He said squeezing
my hand. "'Sides she said three or four times what a nice young man
you were, with good manners." He grinned up at me. "How come I never
seen none of them good manners?"
"Cause I'm too fucking busy fighting off bad guys and saving your
life you freaking drama queen!" I said with a grin.
His eyes met with mine and I swear he melted me in ways and places I
never knew existed.
"Manners go a long way with my mama, that and you being local."
Austin said with a shrug.
"Can we try something new, Alex?" He asked softly.
"Sure hon, what?"
"Lets not have any fucking drama in our lives for like twenty
fucking years, ok?"
"Yeah baby, I think we way surpassed our quota." I said kissing his
hand. So we sat and talked and he told me what the Doctors said,
about how he got a lesion in his small intestine from the forced
action. The wanted him to press charges but he refused, both out of
fear of it getting out, and also fear of what would happen to Dennis
and I if Gene were found.
This reminded me I had to see Dennis to find out what happened after
we left.
About 1am, an older heavy-set black woman with a big smile and
graying temples poked her head in the room. "Ok now love birds, its
1am and my baby here needs his rest," she said indicating Austin.
"Y'all can come back tomorrow and see him," She said smiling. I
kissed Austin and held his hand a moment as I said goodnight, tucked
him in and thanked Tamara on the way out.
The next day, I ran into Austin's mother on the way in, we both
stopped, not knowing what to say. Finally I said, "Hi, Mrs. Camble,
how're you feeling today?"
She stared with barely disguised contempt. "Why don't you leave my
boy alone? He don't need none of your sinful ways."
"Ma'am, I don't want to come between you and Austin, I love him, he
loves me. I hope you'll get used to it in time, but I'm not backing
away,"
I said softly.
Her need for nicotine overcame her frustration at my not being
scared away so she just glared a moment then brushed past me with a
grumble, her house coat showing the many years she'd owned it.
"Hey baby!" I said going into Austin's room.
"Will you stop hitting on me in front of your boyfriend!" Glen said
with mock annoyance as Austin laughed and Jennifer rolled her eyes.
I hadn't seen Glen in a few weeks so I gave him a big hug before
hugging Jennifer then Kissing Austin.
After some meaningless prattle I sat back and listened to Austin and
Glen talk about all the trouble they used to get in. Although it was
very easy to see Austin sitting across the desk from a principal, it
was hard reconciling that with Glen-- Jennifer assured me it was
true though.
Before I left, I went and found his mother and assured it was ok to
go back since I was leaving. She was staring out a window and slowly
turned to face me as I was leaving.
"You saved my boy," she said, neither a comment nor a question.
"Yes, ma'am." I said turning to face her.
"He says I oughta thank you n give you a chance." She said flatly.
"No ma'am, it was my fault that he was there." I said meeting her
eyes.
"You're making him a pervert; that's what happens to perverts." She
spat out.
"No, ma'am, My mistake, My part in this was not believing in him,
not giving him a chance to speak when he came back to me. If I had,
none of this woulda happened. But I didn't make him gay, he pursued
me, he kissed me, I think he had it planned out..." I said it
without emotion or malice; I just wanted her to know. She turned
away, not wanting to face any of what I just said.
As I was leaving I stopped and looked back at her, "And Ma'am, I
don't know how much Austin remembers about his ordeal, he was
drugged and in bad shape when I found him, but trust me, I made that
bastard pay, I beat him senseless and..." I hesitated before
implicating Dennis, "And I made sure he'll never do it again. You
may think I'm a pervert, but I promise you, nothing like that will
happen to Austin or me ever again. Ever!" With that statement I was
gone.
That evening after work I drove to Dennis's house.
"Hey Alex, I've been meaning to catch up with you guys, How's
Austin?" I caught him up, telling him about Austin's mom and the
infection. Dennis just shook his head.
"I let him off way too easy." He said grimly. Turns out he hadn't...
'disposed' of Glen, as I'd feared, instead he'd worked him over a
bit and took him around collecting Austin's stuff. They couldn't get
his car back, but Dennis had several boxes of books, clothing, and
'stuff."
Dennis then handed me a large envelope. I looked at it funny till he
explained,
"I took photos of his room, all his stuff, the blood on his bed, and
then set up a video recorder and recorded his confession. I also
took all his tapes of Austin as evidence. I told him if I ever so
much as heard of a kid getting home late from school the police were
getting all of it. I made you a copy just in case. But Alex, I
wouldn't ever watch those tapes if I were you. Or Austin neither"
Dennis wasn't telling me everything, and I knew better than to push
him.
"Oh, and here, this is for Austin," Dennis said handing me a smaller
envelope. It had several thousand dollars in it. I looked up
bewildered at Dennis.
"We sold his stuff to help pay for what he stole and did to Austin.
And we got a cash advance on his cards. Oh, and I promised we'd send
his wallet back." Dennis and I both went to visit Austin afterwards.
When we got there Phil, Korma, Dan, Glen, and Jennifer were leaving
and Ryan and Michael were inside.
"You guys coulda just cancelled if you didn't want to do dinner"
Michael teased after I hugged him.
While Dennis was talking with Michael, Ryan, and Austin, a hospital
official came by to speak with me. She was a bleached blond with
pulled back hair, a white lab coat, and thick black glasses.
"Mr. Johnson?"
"Just Alex." I said to her
"Thank you, I'm Mrs. Tonges, you can call me Stacy. I need to talk
to you about care for Austin as he'll be staying with you, and I
understand that you're involved." I nodded my head.
"Alex, because of the nature of his assault, and the... trauma, and
the fact that Austin was drugged and couldn't recall exactly what
happened, we've conducted a few tests on his blood, and..."
She didn't need to say more, it hadn't even occurred to me to worry
about STDs or HIV or Hepatitis.
"And nothing showed up at this time, but we'll be doing a series of
tests over the next few months and highly recommend that you only
engage in safe sex practices."
"We always do... did..." I was suddenly hit with what she meant. My
palpable fear must have filled the room.
"Alex, nothing conclusive has shown up, it's possible this gentleman
didn't even have actual penetrative sex. Often rapists use objects,
as it gives them a greater sense of humiliation and control over
their victims. But since he can't recall, we need to be prepared for
any eventuality." I hung my head and put my hand over my mouth.
Stacy handed me some pamphlets on rape and being the care provider
for someone who's been raped. I looked at them then up at her, "Is
he ever going to be ok again, Stacy? How do you get past something
like this?"
"I've told him about counseling courses and set up a few weeks of
counseling for him; you can go too." She looked at me for a second
before adding; "Austin said it happened to you when you were younger
as well, so you might want to sit in on these sessions as well." I
nodded, wondering if there was any need for me to go, as my...
'rape' had been far less violent and so long ago. I kinda felt like
I had adjusted since it had been a while since I realized it even
was a rape... a lot of date rape victims feel that way.
"But to answer your question Alex, yes, he'll get better. People get
past this the same way they do the loss of a loved one or a serious
break up... time and support."
I nodded while my eyes got glassy. She softened a bit and hugged me.
"You two seem to care a great deal for other, Alex. That will help
both of you with this awful thing... And if there's anything I can
do, my card is in that pamphlet."
Dennis was leaving when I got back to the room, so we hugged and I
thanked him for all his help, then invited him down to my show that
weekend. Michael and Ryan stayed a little longer before leaving and
promised we'd go to dinner next week.
Finally I had him alone. After kissing Austin, sitting with him,
talking and watching a little TV, I got a smirk and said, "Hey, you
allowed to go to the bathroom or are you bedridden?"
"Naaa, I can get outta bed, why?"
"I-uhhh- wondered if you needed to go to the bathroom." Austin had
no idea what I was really up to, but he damned well knew that I
wouldn't ask such a thing normally.
"Ok Alex, spill it. What are you up to?"
I got a big grin and chuckled, "I just wanted to see you walking
away..." I said lifting the side of his gown to reveal his naked
ass." He laughed too while slapping my hand.
"You're such a horndog dork!" he accused with a chuckle as he lay
back down. I could see how exhausted he still was.
"Ok love, I'm gunna go and let you get some sleep" I said standing
up. Suddenly his hand gripped my arm and he said, "Don't go Alex,
please?"
How could I refuse my wounded hero anything? I stayed with him,
holding his hand till he fell asleep. I left about 9:30 as he
started his soft rhythmic snores.
Austin came home with me the next day after work. Mrs. Tremere
brought over a huge tray of breads and pastries with a firm comment
to me that these were for Austin.
We slept that night entwined and resting against each other. From
that night on, it was both our jobs to protect the other against the
monsters in the dark.
That week, Austin stayed with Mrs. Tremere while I worked or
practiced with the band, but he came with me when I drove to Orlando
to perform.
I started the show doing a variation of George Harrison's
"Something".
Something in the way (he) moves Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way (he) woos me I don't want to leave (him) now
You know I believe and how
Somewhere in (his) smile (he) knows That I don't need no other lover
Something in (his) style that shows me I don't want to leave (him)
now You know I believe and how
You're asking me will my love grow I don't know, I don't know You
stick around and it may show I don't know, I don't know
Something in the way (he) knows And all I have to do is think of
(him) Something in the things (he) shows me I don't want to leave
her (him) now You know I believe and how
I held Austin's gaze the entire song and I landed up almost falling
off my stool, I was so caught up in his eyes. Then we did a number
of the songs we'd done in previous shows, before I took a short
break
When we got back up, I started the guitar into to Stairway to Heaven
by Led Zeppelin. "Wait wait wait WAIT one blessed minute!" Marika
preached as she was coming to stand next to me.
"Please don't tell me we are so desperate we're doing that ode to
white Garage band legends." She said with a dismissive hand gesture.
"I was act..." I began to plead before she said, "Look, let me show
you how that song should've gone."
So I shrugged and began the guitar into it and then Robert added
some drums and some nice piano work before her dark bluesy voice
began
There's a lady who's sure All that glitters is gold And she's buying
a stairway to heaven.
If the stores are all closed With a word she can get what she came
for.
When she gets there she knows Ooh ooh and she's buying a stairway to
heaven.
There's a sign on the wall But she wants to be sure 'Cause you know
sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook There's a songbird who sings, Sometimes all
of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder, Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get When I look to the west, And my spirit is
crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen Rings of smoke through the trees, And the
voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder, Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon, If we all call the tune Then the piper
will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn For those who stand long And the forests
will echo with laughter.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, Don't be alarmed now, It's
just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by But in the long run There's
still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won't go In case you don't know, The
piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, And did you know Your
stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know Who shines white light and wants to
show How ev'rything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard The tune will come to you at last. When
all are one and one is all To be a rock and not to roll.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
Marika did this in a bluesy gospel version that just sounded
incredible. Of course, this had all been planned but people were
loving the bit. So the audience gave her a standing ovation and
after it quieted down a little I said,
"Well that's all nice and all, but it ain't what I was gunna sing.
So I started the Guitar again and Phil got his electric out to join
in later.
Stairway to Doug
There's a bagboy who's knows That the exec that he blows, Wants to
hear him singing stairway to heaven.
When he gets on his knees If the zippers are closed With a grin he
can get what he came for.
Ooh ooh and he air guitars stairway to heaven.
There's a future he sees But he wants to be sure 'Cause execs like
using words with two meanings. In an office he sings for the
pleasure it brings Cause he's doug and he's usually stoned. Ooh, it
makes him wonder, Ooh, it makes him wonder. There's a feeling he
gets When he takes off his pants, And his spirit is crying for
leaving.
And he dreams of a stage, and a crowd to be razed And his voice
conquers those who standing looking.
Ooh, he makes me wonder, Ooh, he really makes me wonder.
And he's hoping that soon, If he carries the tune Then the exec will
lead him to fortune.
And a new day will dawn and he'll only suck dong with the groupies,
the roadies, or fans,
If there's a hustle in his plans now, Don't be afraid now, It's just
a blow job for an old queen. Yes, there are movies and photos of him
in action But he still thinks he can change the road he's on. Cause
he's Doug.
He likes giving head, but he won't swallow In case you don't know,
The Exec's calling doug to join him,
Dear boy, do you really like to blow now, And will you swallow? Your
stairway lies on your whispering tounge.
And as you wind on down his shaft His body stands taller than
normal. He walks a story we all know now
He sings and dreams that when he's done How everything still turns
to gold. And if he sucks you very hard The fame will come to him at
last.
When all his morals are gone now and he's walking Down Santa Monica
boulevard. Air guitaring stairway to heaven.
Marika and I beamed at each other as the audience laughed and
applauded. We had conquered music and just kicked some serious
comedy butt too. No one, including Austin, had seen us practicing
this bit, so he was as impressed as everyone else.
For the last set of the evening, Marika and Robert did an entire set
of Burt Bacharach and Dione Warwick numbers. After work that night I
took Austin to the Parliament House-- his first trip to a gay bar.
As we were walking around checking out the various bars and clubs,
Austin leaned over and said, "Ya know, if I were drunk, I'd a never
guessed this was a gay bar."
He said bemused.
"Warning baby: if you pick up a girl here, she'll probably have a
dick or a strap-on." I said glibly.
He reached down and bravely cupped me, "I sure hope so Tiger, cause
the only girl I want is loaded for bear!"
Michael met us later and we did our latest rendition of the "Michael
and Alex Show" outside the back bar. The "Michael and Alex Show" was
basically the two of us drinking and throwing quips back and forth
until one of us got physical and I landed up being tickled into goo
in some corner or on a pool table.
"So Bitch, why didn't you come over last weekend?" Michael asked as
he sipped his long neck.
"I thought you were being tented for fleas last week. OOOhhhhh did I
get it wrong? Is it this week?" I retorted, leaning back against
Austin.
"No, this is the week I'm exterminating hobbits." He replied.
"The last refuge of a sad gay mind, Short jokes." I quipped before
sipping my Southern Comfort."
Suddenly Michael fixed Austin with a stare and asked, "So big guy,
now that you've tried all the different varieties of women, when you
gunna give men a try?"
"Silly Michael, Men, women, doesn't matter, he's still not kissing a
yeti," I grinned wickedly while wrapping Austin's arm around me.
"Ummm, do I get any say in this, or this just a Michael Alex thing?"
Austin asked with a smirk.
We both shushed him.
"Michael, I hope you didn't tip the bartender, he didn't put that
little pink umbrella and cherry in your Schlitz." (Which was even
funnier if you knew he only drank Guinness.)
"I hafta know Alex, when you lose all that pretty blond hair and go
bald, are you still gunna be a ditsy, flaky bitch?"
"Short jokes and now blond jokes... if you ask me to pull your
finger I'm SO gone!"
"So where the hell were you last week, Bitch?" Michael asked
obviously ignoring me.
After nuzzling back against Austin I said, "I was busy collecting
boyfriends." I left it at that for now...
"Excuses are like bad hair days elfboy, everybody has them and
everyone else thinks they're way too funny." Michael said before
up-ending his beer.
Austin was excited because when Michael left to get more drinks, he
got to make out with me in public. "This is kinda cool Alex, not all
faggy like I thought. Shit, some of these guys are bigger then me."
He said indicating a group of muscle clones gathering by the pool.
"Yeah, but if you took their roids away they'd turn into me." I said
grinning.
Austin wrapped his arms completely around me, "Cool, but I'm keeping
this original."
We left a while later, saying goodnight to Michael and jumping in my
Jeep. On the way home Austin told me about how Gene had had him sign
over his car while he was drugged, then sold it, so he was now
essentially at the mercy of others for rides and it was an awful
feeling and really depressing him. I told him we'd work on it; all
he had to do was get stronger and be better. Then I showed him the
money Dennis had given me. Not enough for a nice car, but it was
plenty for a used one.
Although we kissed and made out that night and our hands roamed
freely. He didn't instigate a sexual encounter, and I assumed that
he wasn't ready yet... It was ok though. Opening my mouth to his
while he lay on me fully was so electrifying; it was a window I
could see my old Austin through.
Over the next few weeks we set up a pattern; it seemed as if
Austin's wish had been answered. There was no drama, not that I
wanted any of the drama we'd had recently, but there also wasn't any
sign of progress. Austin went to his meetings and counseling with
Mrs. Tremere 3 times a week, and I'd come home and sometimes he'd
have a dinner ready if Mrs. Tremere helped, but usually I found him
either on the computer or on the couch watching TV. His Perfect body
was becoming softer looking and his stomach was beginning to show
the effect of not exercising and eating carbs all day at Mrs.
Tremere's. I felt guilty as sin for even having any concerns about
his withdrawal, but my instincts told me he was rolling over and
accepting the role of victim and not fighting like he should be now.
As I made us a quick stir-fry, I decided what to do. So after dinner
as he cleaned up the table I went and got our jogging suits out and
put them in a sports bag with a few towels.
Austin had gone back to quietly sit on the couch and watch TV again
after clearing the table.
"Ok baby, get up, we're going for a ride." I said with a smile. "Go
put some socks and shoes on too." I added.
An hour later I'd paid for memberships for both of us to go to the
YMCA. And then we worked out for an hour and a half. Austin was shy
and with drawn at first, but within half an hour, that competitive
spirit of his had been lit. He began competing with me over who
could lift more; he won easily. A little later, he was helping some
girl with a machine as her poor boyfriend watched helplessly. I felt
bad for the guy, but the idea that Austin was moving in on a girl he
didn't even want, and her boyfriend was powerless to stop him, it
just revved his engines.
The next time our eyes met, his were sparkling again. It seemed that
this was the panacea he needed more than counseling or pampering. So
by the end he was standing over me, urging me to lift more and not
give up. As exhausted as I was, this was what my baby needed, and my
heart skipped beats when he'd catch my eyes and smile.
We showered there near closing time and went out for a light meal
afterwards. At home Austin stopped me inside and took the bag and
dropped it to the floor then looked me in the eyes.
"Alex? I have a question for you and... I'm not sure how to ask it."
He said softly.
I cocked my head to the side expectantly and asked him what.
"Does what happened to me change the way you think about me?" He
asked softly, his eyes dropping to the floor.
"I... Don't know how to answer that Austin. Ummmm, you know, it
concerns me, I wish it hadn't happened of course, but I'm not
certain what you mean." I said bending down to get in his line of
sight. He grinned a bit and looked at me as he righted me.
"I mean... is that the reason you haven't made a move towards me?
Are you scared that I'm fuck'n damaged or somethin'?" His eyes bore
into mine seeking an answer I didn't know if I had.
"Baby, I was giving you time, I figured you'd let me know when you
were ready. I didn't want you to think I was a dick by forcing sex
on you after all that."
"Alex," He put his hand on my face in a gentle caress "You don't
have to force me to want you. I've been scared you were scared to
touch me, afraid I might give you something."
"Austin," I said soothingly, "You know we're only gunna have safe
sex for a while, right?" He looked sad and nodded. "I think all the
bad from this is over, done! But if something pops up, if you get
sick with something, we'll deal. together, you and me. I'm not
letting a disease, a bad experience, an angry mom, or anything else
keep you from me. Got it? Nothing!"
Austin just beamed at me, lifted me up, kissed me, and carried me to
the bed. That night I showed him everything we were allowed to do
within safe sex guidelines. He was a very pleased boy the next day.
I awoke late, the happiest I'd been in... well, ever. My guy was
spooned behind me and the sun was shining bright. When He finally
moved and raised his arm I slipped out of bed and made us both
breakfast. We spent a glorious Sunday lounging and cuddling and
teasing each other. I made a mental note to sing "I can see clearly
now" on my next set. About 4:00, I got a call from Marika telling me
she found a drummer we should look at Monday.
"Excellent, I needed to get a drummer for the Halloween show
anyways." I said.
"The What?" Marika's voice dropped to a deadly low.
"HALL-O-WEEN show, you know, ghosts, goblins and bats?" I said
ignoring the objection I knew was coming.
"You know I'm not one to preach at you, but Halloween is a devil
holiday. You can't be thinking that Robert or I will put on a devil
show!"
"Jorge and Henna asked me if we're doing one already. I said yeah...
Sorry, I didn't think anyone would have a problem. It isn't on
Halloween, if that makes a difference." I could hear her disapproval
in the silence.
"We'll put it to a vote on Monday, Alex." She agreed skeptically.
"Hey, if we do this, we can also do a big Christmas show, and we can
do it for your church too, if you want." I said hoping to win some
points.
Marika laughed and said we'd talk about it Monday but she had to get
ready for evening services. So we hung up.
"Hey Austin, we've been invited to a bunch of Halloween parties, I
had a great idea for a costume we can both do." I called into the
bedroom.
"You mean like boyfriends and girlfriends do?" He called out.
"Naaaaa, just boyfriends." I called back smirking. I heard him
laugh. A minute later he came out bare except for his boxers.
"Ok, so what's your idea? I ain't doin' no drag."
No drag, baby. How'd ya like to be a tiger?"
To be continued...