Finding Me
By: Jeremy Michaels
(© 2021 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

 

Chapter 10

Eric  

“Eric, can you hear me babe,” Mark is asking me. “Baby doll wake up, please babe wake up. I’m so sorry for calling you a bitch,” he says crying.

“Why can’t I wake up? Why is Mark apologizing now for something that happened days ago and we are over it?” I thinking.

“I think that he’s coming to,” Dennis says.

“That’s Dennis, but he’s not at our dinner celebration so why is he here?”

“That’s it babe, wake up and look at me,” Mark says and I open my eyes and see his beautiful face smiling at me.

I look around and I’m no longer in the restaurant, but I’m lying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

“Don’t move angel, you fell down the stairs and you shouldn’t move until a professional checks you over.”

“I’m fine Mark, really,” I say but he refuses to let me move.

“There’s an ambulance on the way so lay still until it gets here.”

My mind is racing as I try to think. How did I end up at the bottom of the stairs again when I was just in the restaurant celebrating? None of this is making any sense to me.

“We were just in the restaurant celebrating your acquittal Mark, so how did I get here? And where’s Bo, he was with us?”

“Sweetheart, you must have been dreaming while you were unconscious,” he tells me. 

I’m about to argue further but the ambulance arrives. They are the same two paramedics that responded when Mark and Andre had fallen down the stairs weeks ago.

“This seems to be a recurring theme with you boys,” Dean says to me. “You might want to think about getting a one story house,” he says smiling.

They check me thoroughly and tell me that I really should go to the hospital to be evaluated. I decline. 

“What day is it,” I ask and the three of them look at me as if I have dementia.

“It’s Saturday babe remember that we had our argument last night, which was Friday.” Mark tells me while gently patting my back.

“If you keep that up mister I’ll do more than pat your back, I’ll whip your ass,” I scold him and he gives me that smirk of his. “Fuck, I forgot that whips and chains excite you. Dennis, get me my cellphone please. It’s upstairs on the nightstand beside my side of the bed.”

He hurries away and returns moments later with the phone. I open my google search and type in Buford Clark. It takes just a moment and produces at least three hundred people with that name. So I refine my search by typing in Attorney Buford Clark in Boston and I get one hit. 

“Fuck, it only gives me his work number,” I grumble.

“Here let me,” Dennis says and he takes my phone and begins typing away. I see a satisfactory smile on his face and I know that whatever he did was successful as he hands me back my phone.

“What did you do, Dennis,” I ask and he’s gloating now.

“All that I did was enter his name into my people search account and bam, There he is with every known fact about him. 

Name:  Buford Douglas Clark 28

Residence:  The Cadence 

70 Leo M Birmingham Pkwy

Boston, MA 02135

Home phone: 617-555-3891

Work phone: 617-555-6649 ext. 351

Place of birth: Montgomery, Alabama 

Parents: Barbara and Buford Clark (deceased)

Siblings: none 

Occupation: Attorney at Law 

The site went on about less important things, at least to me it was. I bring up my call app and punch in the number listed on the site and wait while it rings and rings and rings. I’m finally moved to his voicemail and I leave him a message and ask that he please return my call as soon as possible.

“I don’t even want to know why you have this account, Dennis, but thank you for your help.”

“Sweetheart, you’re beginning to worry me,” Mark says. 

“I may have been dreaming about everything that I thought actually happened, but I’m not imagining this attorney that’s not only related to me, but he grew up with my birth family. You know how I always say that things happen to us for a reason, well this dream happened for a reason to.”

“I hope that you are right,” he says and gives me a strong hug and kiss.

I may have forgotten why we were arguing but I’m not crazy.”

“Oh you two were fighting about Mark calling you a bitch because he refuses to bottom anymore,” a very helpful Dennis offers.

“I’m going to kick your fucking ass you fucking ass wipe,” Mark yells and takes off after Dennis.

“Mark get your ass back here,” I shout, which stops him in his tracks. “Did you really call me a bitch,” I ask and he hangs his head in shame.

“He called you a fucking bitch,” Dennis yells down from the top of the stairs.

“I’m so going to strangle that brat,” Mark grumbles. “Yeah I did and I’m sorry babe, but you had no right to bring your brothers into my embarrassment.”

I look to Paul and ask, “did I really do that?” Paul only nods.

“Then I’m sorry Mark for doing that to you. I can’t imagine why I would ever do such a thing,” I say. 

“You did it because Mark was walking like he had shit himself and you were laughing hysterically,” again Dennis volunteers the information.

“Dennis get down here, now,” I demand.

“No fucking way bro, he’ll beat my ass,” he fearfully says.

“If you don’t get down here by the time that I count to ten then I’ll beat your ass and give what’s left of you to him. 

One, two, and before I can say three he’s hurrying down the stairs but clearly avoiding Mark.

“Now I want you to apologize to Mark for trying to instigate trouble and it had better be sincere,” I order him.

“I’m sorry Mark, I should have known better then to cause a rift between you guys. Can you forgive me,” he asks extending his hand to Mark.

“The old me would have fucked you up big time but yeah, we’re cool. As long as I get to fuck you senseless,” he says laughing hysterically.

“I’m cool with that but I don’t think your old lady is,” he says and takes off running because he knows that I WILL kick his smart ass.

“Go get him Mark and teach that boy some respect,” I tell him.

“You’re giving me permission to fuck Dennis senseless,” he asks and I give him a kiss and nod.

“Just this once babe and make sure not to use lube,” I add.

Mark quickly takes the stairs two at a time and seconds later I can hear Dennis yelling at Mark to get away from him.

“Remind me too never piss you off, Eric,” a nervous Paul says as he creeps on all fours towards me with a shit eating grin on his face.

“What are you doing, Paul,” I ask as he places his fingers in my short’s waistband and quickly pulls them down to my ankles.

I try to back away but with my shorts around my ankles I fall right on my ass and he pounces on my cock with his mouth. Damn that boy knows how to suck a cock I’m thinking as he buries his nose in my pubic hair. I’m holding his head and gliding him up and down on my rod as his tongue does things to it that nearly pushes me over the edge. I pull him off me and have him stand up. I undo his jeans and slowly bring them down his slender legs and he steps free of them, leaving him standing there naked from the waist down. I take his six inch cock into my mouth and swallow it until I’m buried to the root. I inhale his scent and he smells of body wash. I find his shaved pubic area alluring and downright sexy.

“Will you fuck me Eric?” He asks and I see tears in his eyes. “Please,” he adds.

I nod my head and stand. I take him by his hand and we walk side by side up the stairs to my bedroom, pausing outside the guest room door.

“Stop! Please don’t Mark that kills,” we hear Dennis screaming and we know that Mark is teaching that boy a lesson. Mark’s way.

“It’s about time that you learn to respect Eric. He may not be your blood brother but you’ll never find anyone that’ll love you to the degree that he does.”

“Okay, okay I’ll show him respect but please take it easy on my ass. You’re the largest cock that I’ve ever been fucked by and you’re hurting me.”

“Okay fine I’ll go easy but if I ever see or hear of you disrespecting my husband again, I’ll show you no mercy,” Mark says and I’m surprised by his words.

“Your husband, when the fuck did you two get married?”

“We didn’t yet, but he proposed and I said yes.”

“You know that by him proposing and you saying yes, that makes you the broad in the relationship.”

“Mark pound that boys ass so deep into the mattress that he comes out on the other side,” I yell as I storm into the room. “I want him to know how a real man fucks.” I turn to leave and then turn around. “I want him to also learn to think before he opens his mouth and says shit that’s untrue,” I add and leave.

 Moments later Paul and I hear Dennis screaming.

“Please Mark I’m so sorry and I’ll think before I speak,” he says. “ please stop fucking me so hard, you’re hurting me,” he says crying now.

“Please Eric, have Mark stop hurting him,” Paul asks me. “I’ll take Denny’s place, okay?” 

I look over at Paul and his eyes are brimming with tears. I stick my head into the room and I can Dennis crying and it breaks my heart.

“He’s had enough Mark, please stop. Dennis come with me,” I tell him and I take him into my bathroom.

I draw a very warm tub of water and add my soothing herbs to it. Dennis is still quietly crying and saying I’m sorry over and over. I step into the tub and bring him with me and I ease us down into the water. I’m sitting with my back against the tub and Dennis is against my chest. I gently sponge the water over his body as I softly talk to him.

“I’m truly sorry Dennis that you had to learn this lesson the hard way. I truly am. But you can’t go through life doing as you please without regard for other people’s feelings or emotions.”

“I never gave it much thought before, I always looked at life as a big fucking joke,” he confesses.

“Why Dennis, what are you hiding? Do you remember how Mark hid behind bullying to hide the fact that he was gay and being abused?” He nods his head. “What are you hiding from,” I ask.

“Love,” he whispers so softly that I could barely hear him. “I wanted to be loved so much growing up and you were the only person that ever showed me love, real love that I didn’t have to earn, TJ. Then you were gone and I had no one.”

“I’m sorry Dennis, I wish that you had shared your thoughts and feelings with me then,” I tell and hug tightly to me.

“I was so afraid to show my feelings then, because I saw how he treated you whenever you showed yours around us boys. He would call you a fucking sissy or homo and beat the daylights out of you. I know that you more than once took the beating that should have been for me.”

“He would have seriously hurt or even killed you if he lit into you like he did me. I would have hated myself if anything serious had happened to you or Paul. But there’s someone out there made just for you that will love you for who you are Dennis. I’m that someone for Mark and he’s my someone. I’ve seen a big change in Mark and I have even noticed that his gang is much better.”

“I have noticed that Mark’s gang isn’t bullying the geeks and nerds anymore. I even notice how Mark’s more sensitive around you and us.”

“I’m not going to say that I am the one that changed him because I’m not. But I will say this, he changed because someone believed in him. I saw beyond the facade or mask if you will, to the true person that hid deep inside Mark. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still wearing that bad boy facade, but it’s been tailored, softened. Mark is beautiful inside and out.”

“Awe angel, do you have to use that word with my name?” Mark says from the doorway. “Me and beautiful don’t exactly go together you know.”

“Well to me you’ll always be beautiful my gorgeous bad boy. Now why are you eavesdropping on us?”

“I wanted to tell Dennis that I’m really, really sorry for hurting him like I did,” he says stepping into the room and kneeling beside the tub. “You know Dennis, you and I are very much alike. Where I used to bully kids to hide myself, you use sex and getting others in trouble to hide behind. Am I right,” he asks.

“Yeah you are and I accept your apology because I really deserved it. I hated not only my old man for what he did to TJ but I hated you, TJ for not being stronger. That’s why I don’t let anyone get close to me, that way they can’t hurt me.’

“Look at it from the other side of the equation, by keeping people at arms length you are depriving yourself of possible love. Yes Dennis, even in love you can get hurt but true love forgives and forgets. There’s no such thing as a perfect love or lover, because for that to be you would have to have two perfect people and there’s no such thing. So you find that person that completes you, that makes you and your world happy and whole. Mark is my man that completes me.”

I look at the two guys that mean so much to me and they’re both crying quietly. 

“Are you feeling better Dennis? Because the water is getting cold,” I say and kiss the back of his head. “Can you grab a towel babe?”

Dennis steps from the tub and into the towel that Mark’s holding. Mark wraps his arms and the towel gently around him and whispers in his ear, “I love you Dennis and I am truly sorry for hurting you.”

Dennis turns around and he lays his head on Mark’s chest and cries.

“Me too,” he whispers back and I have all that I can do not to cry myself.

The next morning … 

I’m getting dressed when my phone rings. I hurry from my closet and nearly trip over Mark’s shoes in the middle of the room as I run to the nightstand.

“Hello,” I say out of breath as I sit on the edge of the bed,

“Good morning, is this Eric Müller? I’m Buford Clark returning his call,” he says and I’m instantly alert with excitement.

“Yes it is and I called you to set up an appointment to discuss my financial affairs and I want an attorney on retainer,” I tell him and I can almost feel his excitement over the phone.

“I’m free anytime today that you are,” he tells me.

“I won’t be free until about three thirty this afternoon. Will that work for you?”

“Yes, it does. Now should I come to you or would you like to meet me somewhere else?”

“I’ll be home by three thirty so why don’t we meet at my home.” He agrees and I give him my address. 

“Who was that babe,” Mark asks as he comes out of the bathroom, toweling his hair.

“Our future,” I tell and give him a kiss before going back into the closet to finish dressing. “And could you please not leave your shoes in the middle of the room? I just about tripped over them hurrying to answer the phone.”

“Sure thing mom,” he says and runs like hell when I pick one up and toss it at him. 

“Slow down before you get us killed,” Mark says as I whip around the corner on nearly two wheels.

“Kathy held me up talking and now I’m running late. It’s three thirty five and I told him that I would be home by three thirty.” I say and turn fast into my driveway and almost collide with Bo’s car. 

I press the code and motion to him to follow me. I hit the garage opener and wait impatiently for it to open. I pull in, park and I’m out before Mark has his seatbelt undone. Bo is just getting out of his car and he looks so handsome in his suit.

“Hello, I’m Buford Clark and I have an appointment with your father,” he says and I roar with laughter as I offer him my hand.

“I’m sorry for laughing but I’m Eric Muller,” I tell him and I can see that he’s not amused.

“I’m sorry but I’m meeting with the senior Eric Müller,” he insisted.

“I probably should have been clearer this morning when we spoke. But I’m the person that you spoke with and I can assure you that this is no scam. If you’ll come inside I’ll be happy to explain everything to you.”

Reluctantly, Bo followed Eric and Mark into the house. His eyes just about popped out of his head when he took in the luxuriously furnished rooms that he passed through on the way to my office.

“Please, have a seat,” I tell him and he sits in an overstuffed leather wingback chair facing my desk.

“I don’t understand sir, and please forgive me but you don’t look more then sixteen,” he says. “Are you telling me that this house is yours, as well as the small fortune that it must take to maintain it?”

“First off, please call me Eric, the other gentleman that you saw me with is Mark Vanderbilt, my future husband. Yes Bo, I’m gay just like you are.”

“How the hell do you know this? I keep my personal life quite private, even at the office no one knows that I’m gay.”

“Or that your partner’s name is Darren,” I finish and he falls back into the chair.

I decide to level with him and tell him about my dream, or the part concerning him. I give him the details of his salary and even how Darren has cheated on him before.

“Are y’all clairvoyant, because there’s no way that y’all could possibly know these things unless y’all were.”

“Like I said, I fell down the stairs and was out for a while. During that time is when I experienced this dream. Now if what I told you so far has blown your mind you just wait until I tell you the rest of my dream.”

“ I can hardly wait,” he says somewhat skeptical.

“How’s Aunt Thelma and Uncle Beau?” I ask and now his mouth is hanging open. “How’s my twin brother JJ doing, I hope that he’s not having anymore of those episodes that us twins share,” I say with the cherry on top.

“No fucking way kid, I don’t know who’s behind this but I’m not biting,” he says an stands. “I will admit that y’all are very good and almost had me.”

He just about to the door when his cellphone rings and he hesitates before answering it.

“You might want to get that because I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s JJ.”

He pulls out his phone and glances at the caller id. Sure enough it’s JJ and his mouth pops open.

“Hey JJ what’s up,” he says keeping his eyes on me. “No fucking way man, how’d you know?” He says and holds out his phone to me. “JJ wants to talk to his brother.”

I take the phone and my hand is shaking as I bring it to my ear. 

“Hello JJ, it’s BJ,” I say using the nickname that he gave me 

“I knew it , I knew it , I knew,” he kept repeating. “I knew that y’all would be back someday, even when the law said that y’all were probably dead. I’ve felt y’all through the years bro. But what scared the fuck out of me was whatever shit happened to y’all over two years ago. Man y’all just about done mama and I in that time.”

I took my time and explain to him everything that I went through then. 

“Hang up the phone so I can FaceTime you. But first give me your cellphone number and I’ll do a three way call with you and Bo.”

I give him my number and hang up. I had just told Bo what JJ was going to do when our phones started ringing. My heart began to race as lifted up my phone. I was about to see my twin brother for the first time in my life. I hit accept and I’m looking at the mirror image of myself before I was brutally attacked. JJ and I instantly start to cry as we gaze at each other’s face. Bo comes around the desk and places his arm across my shoulder. He’s also crying as the three of us say nothing, yet our hearts say it all. Just when I think that I have it together, this beautiful woman’s face lights up my screen.

“Mama” I instinctively cry out and she’s crying to.

“My baby Beau is back in my life,” she says and hands off the phone to a man who’s face shows his years of worry, work and love of family on it.

“Papa,” I cry out and finally I’m out of control crying.

It takes us a while before we get our emotions under control and Mark comes running in when he hears me crying. He instantly takes me into his arms and holds me close whispering words of love and comfort to me.

“Wow, who’s that guy,” JJ asks when he sees Mark holding me.

Now this is my moment just like he had that day at school when he came out to his friends. I can see my entire family looking at me through the phone and I look up at Mark’s beautiful face and I kiss him tenderly before saying…

“This is Mark Vanderbilt, he’s the love of my life and the man that I’m going to marry someday.”

The silence is deafening until my daddy says, “welcome to the family son,” and Mark’s eyes spill over with tears as my father accepts him into my family.

We talk for hours until our phones begin to run low on power.

“I’m coming home Saturday mama,” I tell her. “I’m bringing two other boys with me that were victims like me that I am going to reunite with their families.”

“I’m looking forward to finally holding you in my arms again Beau,” she says and my name coming from her is music to my ears. “I love you, son,” she says crying and we disconnect.

“I was going to leave here you know,” Bo says quietly. “If JJ hadn’t called when he did I would have chalked all this up to some kind of prank. Were you serious this morning about needing a lawyer, because I kind of jumped the gun after y’all talked to me and I resigned my position at the law firm?”

“I was very serious m, Bo. You’ll be not only my legal advisor but I’m having you as my financial advisor to. Your starting salary will be $250,000 per year with a $100,000 plus expense account. Of course you will be getting a raise annually of twenty five percent plus a yearly bonus. Is that satisfactory for you?”

“Oh my God yes sir, y’all doubled and then some of my current salary. I really like y’all but how do I know that y’all can really afford this?”

I show him my current bank statements and even my birth certificate. He’s in complete shock, looking from the paperwork to me and then to the paperwork again. 

“I remember reading about y’all in the paper. I couldn’t fathom how a father could be so heartless and cruel to his own son. Now I know why, y’all meant nothing to him Eric, none of y’all did. I can’t wait to tell Darren about all this, he’s never going to believe it,” he says and I get serious.

“About Darren, I really hate to say this, but if you were to go home now, you’ll find him and Joel messing around behind your back.”

“What! Don’t tell me, it’s that dream again right?” I nod and he gets rather upset. “Come with me please and it’s not that I don’t believe y’all, but I want some one to witness it.”

I drive Mark and Bo to his condo and I surprise him again when I don’t need directions to get there. I even tell him that he lives on the nineteenth floor and his condo is the third one down on the left. He’s a firm believer now and when he opens his condo’s door straight ahead on the sofa is Darren fucking Joel. Mark has his cellphone out and ready and he’s videoing them having sex together.

“Buford, what are you doing here, you’re home early,” Darren says getting up and tossing a blanket over Joel.

“I was told that y’all were here having sex behind my back and I really didn’t want to believe it, Darren. However, with your track record how could I not. I won’t be long, I’m just stopping in to grab my clothes and then I’ll be gone and y’all can enjoy your little love nest.”

“You won’t survive on your own in Boston without me to support your worthless ass,” Darren yells.

“On the contrary, he’s my personal lawyer and financial advisor,” I tell Darren who spins around to give me a contemptuous look.

“And just who the fuck are you punk,” he asks looking down his nose at me.

“I’m your worse enemy, sugar,” I say and give him a soft pat to his cheek. 

“Fuck off punk,” he snaps at me and swats away my hand. “Wait baby, this kid meant nothing to me. Please sweetheart, give me another chance, I’ll change and never cheat on you again.”

“That’s right Darren y’all won’t because my friend there videoed it, the two of you going at it and he sent it off to the police. I would say that right about now the police should be on their way here and y’all will have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Why, why would you ever be so cruel to me?” Darren asks.

“Probably for the same reason that y’all were to me with your verbal abuse and cheating.”

“Come on Bo, I’ll get you whatever you need and you can return once he’s gone for your things,” I tell him.

“Other then my clothes, I really don’t have anything.” 

“Then let’s go do what any self respecting gay loves to do, let’s go shopping.” 

He agrees and as we’re waiting for the elevator to arrive, it opens and several uniformed police officers exit the elevator and hurry down the hall towards Darren’s condo.

“That was the only part that I got wrong in the dream. I thought that the condo was yours.” I say watching the police knocking on the door.

“It belongs to Darren and I moved in with him because I had this one room efficiency apartment when we met. The only things that I have there are clothes. He was always so particular about what could and could not be in HIS place. It never really felt like home to me. Besides, he was always telling me that I had no decorating sense.”

“Then unless you’re really attached to those clothes, leave them and allow me to buy you an entire new wardrobe.”

“Are you serious, you’re doing so much for me already,” he says and then rethinks his answer. “Okay Beau, new job new life,” he says. “ I hope y’all don’t mind me calling y’all Beau, because your family is going to, so y’all might as well get used to it.”

“I like that babe, it’s kind of like what you are angel, beautiful only shorter.” Mark and I smile because only my man would look at it like that.

“You’re right, from now on I’m Beau. I think that we’re leaving early for home and making a stop in New York City so we can do some very serious shopping and take in a show.”

We get in the car and I rev it up before I burn rubber leaving the parking garage yelling…“Watch out world because here we come,” I yell out and turn my car towards home.

The End.

Posted: 10/29/2021