Chapter 9 
Adjustments.

 

After coming home from work and eating dinner with his parents on Monday night, Jackson excused himself from the dining room table, walked into his bedroom and closed the door. He was lying on his bed reading a story on his favourite gay story site. Even though he could still hear his parents in the next room, he was fairly involved in the story and had fundamentally tuned everything else out. April and Frank were still sitting at the table talking but the home phone rang and April stood up and left the room.

 

Unconcerned by something so trivial, Jackson continued reading the story but a short time later, his concentration was caught when he heard April walk back into the room. He gave no more than a curious glance toward his door when she said, “I can’t believe what I just found out?”

 

Frank looked up at her and asked, “What?”

 

“That was Penny on the phone.”

 

“Well that was a short chinwag, considering how long you two usually gasbag on the phone,” Frank joked half seriously.

 

“Well that’s because it wasn’t a chinwag, Frank. It was a short but serious conversation. She was letting me know that something that would effect our friendship had changed. She told me she and Brad have broken up permanently and she’d no longer be residing next-door,” April explained.

 

From that moment there was no chance of Jackson’s focus returning to the story. This time, the look on his face was stunned. He closed the laptop and pushed it aside, his concentration completely stolen by the information he heard. His gaze became fixed on the door, as he waited for whatever information would follow.

 

“It’s not all that surprising if you ask me. She got what she deserved and I’m surprised it took Brad this long to come to a conclusion on the matter,” Frank said.

 

Unimpressed by what she thought was a cruel thing to say regarding Penny, she glared at Frank with disdain. However, also irritated by Frank’s assumption that it had to be Brad’s decision, April said indignantly, “It was her that broke up with him.”

 

Confusion filled Frank’s eyes before he said, “What? That makes no sense to me.”

 

“According to Penny, the time away during their temporary separation, gave her a lot of time to think about who she was, what she wanted emotionally and what type of life she really wanted to live?”

 

Frank shook his head and replied, “Sometimes I think the young people of today have got everything backwards. They have to do the wrong thing before they take the time to work out what the right thing is? Then they start on with all this stuff about not knowing themselves? I mean what is she, a zombie? Has she been living and walking about obliviously for the last decade or whatever?”

 

“Oh for goodness sake, Frank, stop talking like you were born before the nineteen fifties. If I ever even hear you use the phrase, ‘In my day,’ I’ll beat you over the head with a skillet. You’re thirty-eight, not eighty-eight. How you got to be this way I’ll never understand. You’re like an old man in a younger man’s body.

 

“Anyway Frank, people don’t naturally have all the answers. Not all of us know exactly who we are, if any of us ever really do. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get to know ourselves, if we ever even work it out. I suppose in that way you could probably say we’re all just zombies stumbling about obliviously,” she replied.

 

A thought flashed through Frank’s mind, which was barely even associated with what they were talking about. He was not even aware of the effect the thought had on him but it flicked a switch inside of him. It caused his standard rational personality to step back and allowed his emotional side to step forward.

 

“She was the one that did the wrong thing, not Brad. Now I find out she’s the one dumping him? She kept secrets and she lied about it and that sort of thing is wrong and hurtful. It makes perfect sense that Brad should have booted her out of his life. People shouldn’t do that to other people. I just don’t understand things these days,” he said angrily, sounding like he had been personally affronted by what had taken place.

 

“Well maybe if you’d open your mind and begin to realise that the world is changing and you need to change with it, you’d feel more comfortable in your life,” she said.

 

Frank looked at April’s expression and he suddenly began to feel intense feelings surging through his body. He knew what they were about and he understood why they were happening but he had no intention of allowing them to be revealed or expressed in any way.

 

Where life as a whole was concerned, he felt like everything was changing and he was not reacting well to it. His comfortable world had become a new world and he felt like an outsider within it. Now, out of the blue his personal life had been influenced by secrets and lies and though he had already made a decision on the matter, emotionally he was still at war within, about the situation he was keeping hidden inside. April’s remark about embracing change was little more than fuel to the fire inside of him and he felt his internal temperature begin to rise.

 

“It’s not like I can ignore it, April. It seems to me that no matter what I read in the paper, what I watch on television or what I see in the world around me, nothing is normal anymore. Everything just keeps jumping up and hitting me in the face. I really am trying but it’s not easy.”

 

“Maybe if you stopped embracing a time you were never a part of and started embracing the world you actually live in, change wouldn’t be so hard for you. Maybe if you stopped trying to live like a reflection of your father in words and ideas, you’d find life easier. Your father was forty when you were born and he was living old by the time you became a man. I know you’ve always looked up to him and placed him on some sort of pedestal but even though many of the old ways are still some of the best ways, some of those ways were wrong and are now completely outdated,” April said.

 

“Some of the new ways are wrong, too,” Frank replied.

 

“Yes, Frank, some of the new ideas are wrong but it takes time for society to work out they’ve turned in the wrong direction. They want to hold onto their ways, just as much as you want to hold onto yours but the thing is, they still need to experience their choices to understand what works and what doesn’t.

 

“Frank, the way I conceptualise it is like this. A person is born and has to learn while fitting in to the ways of the day. Then they get older and by that time things have begun to change and they have to relearn some of the things they hold true. The thing is, if you consider society like an individual, it’s like that person. It gets born and has to grow up as well and by the time it does, it’s expected to change as well.

 

“Maybe you could consider it like every couple of generations. As a consequence, change is individual or let’s say personal but it’s also social as well and so, we’re trying to deal with self-change while we’re trying to deal with social change. It’s hard for everyone no matter what perspective they’re looking at it from.”

 

“I’m trying,” Frank repeated.

 

“These days you spend so much time reading books just like your father did so often. Sometimes I look at you and think I’m married to a version of him. You’re always reading those books. They’re old books and most of them you’ve already read before. I’m not telling you to stop reading them but maybe you could expand your reading list and add some new literature with new ideas and new perspectives to your personal library. It might help and it might do you a world of good,” she said.

 

Even though Frank heard everything April said and he understood what she was suggesting from a practical point of view, in a way her words were just a side note to what was really taking place inside of him. He was there, he was with her and he was talking to her but something else entirely was taking place simultaneously. Even he did not see that what followed were two separate things being expressed as one.

 

“It’s unlikely you’ll ever get me reading modern day books, particularly when I can’t even bring myself to call it literature.”

 

“You’re missing my point, Frank. I’m not referring to reading stories, classic, epic or otherwise, as much as I’m referring to the new ideas and perspectives you could garner from modern day writers. You just might learn something.”

 

“Dad taught me about old English, proper English as it was once referred to. I like reading that style, even if these days they say there’s no such thing. Proper English when written and when read, is like breathing and it has a pulse. It flows this way and that, not unlike the way the wind blows and the air moves so harmoniously, slow or fast, around the earth. That’s the point of grammar. A soft breeze, a gust of wind, with gentle or extended pauses between. The problem is no one seems to remember how to use the silent moments anymore,” he said.

 

April rolled her eyes and sighed, as she thought he was just not getting it, however, she immediately noticed as he continued with what he was saying, his voice was getting louder.

 

“I mean they use commas before and after conjunctions because no one ever taught them that reading and writing was intuitive and instinctive. Some of the pauses when reading are a given. They don’t need to be enforced. A comma is not needed every time you take a breath but try telling that to some of the young people of today. It seems to me that these days everything has to be easy. Why bother to learn about homonyms and then use some basic intelligence, if you can change a letter and make up a different word so you don’t have to think?”

 

April was suddenly taken aback by the changing tone in Frank’s voice. It was not only getting louder, it was becoming angry.

 

“There are ways that things work but no one follows those ways anymore. There are ways to do things and there are ways to approach things. It’s about knowing how to express yourself and trusting your voice and the emotions and the clarity of thought inside. If people are incapable of expressing themselves, which is what it’s all about, they make shit up that means nothing and is destined to fail. It just leaves someone else to have to clean up the mess. It drives me fucking nuts,” he yelled.

 

April was absolutely stunned by the outburst. She was also confused by what he had actually said because somehow the last part did not make any sense. It sounded like he was not talking about literature at all. Never, though, in their entire time together had he ever reacted like he was reacting now. He sounded bitter. It suddenly occurred to her that something completely unrelated had set him off and he was using some random thing his father had taught him about literature, to express his anger.

 

“Jesus Christ, Frank. Why are you suddenly so angry and where on earth is all of this coming from? What’s wrong?”

 

Immediately Frank realised his thoughts and his words had been bound in a strange disparity. Looking up at her as she confronted him, he took a deep breath but as he let it out he turned and looked away. He softened his tone of voice in an attempt to avoid the truth and escape the subject all together.

 

“It’s nothing,” he said.

 

“Like hell it’s nothing,” April replied.

 

“Just let it go. It’s not important,” he said.

 

“It doesn’t sound unimportant to me,” she replied.

 

“It was over a month ago and it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve sorted it out, in large part because of you,” he said.

 

“Are you purposely trying to confuse me? I’m struggling to keep up with whatever’s going on here, so maybe you could explain it to me.”

 

“It’s nothing. I’m just trying to tell you that I do listen to you, even if you think I don’t. April, you’re always in the back of my mind and the older I get the more I make important moral and social decisions based on what you’ve said or what you say to me,” he explained.

 

“Well that’s nice to know and I’m honoured but I’m not letting this go because it’s obvious you’re still skirting the issue. Frank, what happened a month ago?”

 

“It’s nothing. I was just confronted by something that was hard for me but about a week later your words helped me get through it,” he said, trying to make his voice even less concerned.

 

“Frank, stop denying. You practically just had a meltdown about the difference between old and new literature. It was irrelevant to the point I was even making and the last part of what you said didn’t even make sense. Now when I ask you what’s wrong you keep saying it’s nothing. Stop avoiding the issue and tell me what happened. Let me in.”

 

Frank looked at April with a pained expression and then grimaced. Struggling, he began to slowly pushed the words out.

 

“I was at the club drinking with Gordo, Clarko, Johno and Petey on the Friday night it happened. Anyway, we were all talking, you know, just the usual shit but finally, turning up about an hour late, Davey arrived and he seemed strange and tense and weird.”

 

“I was wondering why you didn’t mention Davey? He is your closest friend after all and he’s always with you when you go out,” she commented.

 

“Humph,” he grunted doubtfully but added, “I guess.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Nothing,” he said.

 

“Frank,” she said with irritation.

 

“He had something he wanted to tell us.”

 

“Okay,” she said, trying to lead Frank like a child to an unwanted destination.

 

“He changed everything. He changed the mood, he sucked the goodness out of the room and he just, he just changed everything,” Frank said unhappily.

 

“How, Frank? What did Davey do?”

 

“We’ve been best friends for nearly thirty years. I was his best man at his wedding for Christ’s sake and not only that but you and I are even godparents to his eldest son,” he said gruffly.

 

“Yes Frank, I’m well aware of our history. Now tell me what happened?”

 

“He’s divorcing Rose and moving out. Thank Christ the three boys have all grown up and left school.”

 

“What? Oh my goodness. What a shock. I should give Rose a call,” April said.

 

“He didn’t even tell me there was a problem. He kept it all a big secret. He didn’t trust me. He just kept lying by pretending nothing was wrong and nothing was different.”

 

April’s first thought was of the hypocrisy. Frank had known about this for a month but he had kept it a secret from her. She wanted to point it out in no uncertain terms but as she looked into his eyes, she knew something more important was going on that was bothering him deep down inside.

 

Stepping closer, April laid her hand on Frank’s forearm, as he rested it unmoving on the table. She looked at him but his gaze was downward and she said, “Frank, it’s me. Talk to me.”

 

He looked up into her eyes and she saw his eyes were filled with frustration. He turned away and took a deep breath and said, “You know, I’d sort of already come to terms with the issue before any of this even came to light. I mean it was hard for me but you’d put things into perspective for me months ago, so in a general way I was fine with it. Suddenly, though, there it was in my own life. It was right in front of me and impacting me like the loudest white noise that I just couldn’t shut off.”

 

April pulled a chair closer and sat down so she was right in front of him and said, “Come to terms with what?”

 

“He’s leaving Rose and the boys for another man. Can you believe it? Some man I don’t even know. Apparently Davey’s been seeing him and in love with him for two years.”

 

“Oh Frank,” she said, knowing how much of an upheaval the news would have been in his mind. She looked into his eyes and said, “I’m sorry it’s so hard for you.”

 

“Well, it was hard at the start. I mean of course it was. We all played football together, we showered in the locker room together and he knew everything about me. Suddenly he was this stranger looking at me and figuratively saying, ‘I think after thirty years it’s time I let you know who I really am.’ Of course it was a shock.

 

“All of us were just looking at each other. We were stunned and I suspect we were all waiting to see individual reactions. None of us reacted because we didn’t know how to. I felt embarrassed and I wanted to bite off my own tongue to stop myself from loosing my temper and abusing the shit out of him.”

 

“Frank, just because he saw you naked in the locker room, didn’t mean he wanted you.”

 

“What? No, of course not. I’m not suggesting that, April. I’m simply saying I was angry and embarrassed because everyone knew he and I were best friends. He didn’t even bother to pull me aside and tell me on our own. He just dumped this new information into a group in the middle of a public place.

 

“Good friends and good mates know each other. We play, we strip and we talk but we know each other. We drink, we joke and we talk some more and that’s because we know each other. I’m making the point that I didn’t know Davey.”

 

“Are you trying to tell me you didn’t care he was gay and that all that bothered you was he’d never told you? I’m sorry Frank but I find that difficult to believe.”

 

“Of course I cared and of course it bothered me, at least at first, April. You know I was brought up to believe that all of that stuff was wrong and sick and abnormal.”

 

Still sitting on his bed, Jackson’s face evolved from shocked to hurt and he was biting his lip as his head dropped and he stared down at the cover of his bed disappointedly.

 

“We were all raised that way. You know it as well as I do, April. I’ve always thought that way because that was the way of the world. Right or wrong, kids were taught those things pretty much from the time they could speak.”

 

“Frank, times have changed. It’s what I keep saying to you. You need to try and learn to accept that all people are different.”

 

“No, April, you’re not getting it. I told you, your words and attitudes influence me. I accepted Davey was gay and I accepted he’s got a partner and I even accepted he was changing his life to finally be himself. Sure it took me until the next week to really come to terms with it, however, after a lot of thought and a lot of consideration of the things you’d said to me on the subject, I accepted it all. What’s bothering me really deep down is that he didn’t trust his best friend or talk to him or tell him. I’m pissed off with him, April.”

 

Jackson’s head lifted, his eyes on his bedroom door again but this time, the shock in his eyes was different. It was more surprised.

 

Shocked by the unexpected revelation, it suddenly all made sense to April. None of this had anything to do with the English language or literature or with the changes in the world. It was Penny keeping a secret from Brad and lying to Brad that had really set him off. In Frank’s eyes, Davey had done the same thing.

 

April had to admit she was pleased with Frank’s acceptance and that he was trying to change. She looked down at the carpet and considered where they now stood within the conversation. Finally she looked up at Frank and he was staring at her like he was waiting for a response.

 

“Frank, did you ask yourself why he didn’t tell you?”

 

“No, I didn’t need to because of the things you and I had discussed months ago and so I knew. Gay people have been oppressed, ostracised and attacked for years and so they’re all scared.”

 

“Well, I mean yes that’s sort of true but Frank, make it more personal. Why did Davey, your best friend, find it difficult to tell you, regardless of anyone else?”

 

“I don’t know,” Frank replied.

 

“No, Frank, I’m not accepting that response or letting you off the hook that easy.”

 

“I’ve done nothing wrong, April.”

 

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong but the distance people move forward these days with one step, takes you ten steps to catch up.”

 

“It’s not how I was raised, April. Dad always told me life moved slowly and it was wise to take our time and adjust to change when it was necessary. These days, life is moving at a million miles per hour. It seems like I’m just supposed to agree on the spot and smile supportively in spite of myself.”

 

“Oh Frank, believe me, most people are feeling that way and even I do. I understand what you’re saying. The thing is, everyone who knows you, knows there’s an old-school slant to the man you are. You’re beliefs, attitudes and ideas are based on a time, which is being left behind. I get that you’re trying to change but put yourself in Davey’s position. The past for Davey is a picture of men being murdered, bashed, jailed and as you yourself put it, ostracised from their own lives. Davey knows who his friend is and as much as I’m sure he still feels the same about you, it’s only natural he was afraid of how you’d react and how you’d treat him.

 

“It’s not only you, Frank. He obviously didn’t tell anyone else either, at least until his self-protective bubble finally burst. There’s only so much self-imprisonment and hiding people can put themselves through. With the world changing around him and with gay people coming out more than ever and now gay people allowed to marry, his fear was allowed to reduce. On some level his life probably seemed safer and he finally felt like he could be himself.”

 

Frank looked up at the ceiling with an expression that was practically hoping for an alternative answer but the blank, white paint gave him nothing. He turned back to her and said, “Yeah, I guess so, April. So it’s my fault he didn’t tell me?”

 

“Oh Frank, in this case fault is little more than a concept. Fault lies at the beginning and who knows where the beginning even was. Greater acceptance has been approaching for centuries. No, Frank, your not at fault. You’re a victim of the times, of circumstances and of people who didn’t know better, even before you were born. At least you were an ignorant victim but unfortunately, now this modern world has come up and bitten you on the arse.”

 

Frank grinned with a little smile and as he looked at April with love, he reached out and gently squeezed her hand.

 

“I know that sometimes you think I’m a dumb-arse. I know that these days men that played or play full-contact football are in many cases considered to be a bunch of Neanderthals but April, I was taught a lot more than just about football. I mean sure I fell into the football culture, as they call it these days but aside from that, I really am a relatively smart man. Just because I don’t embrace the world like you think I should, doesn’t make me a bad person. It just makes me a different person.”

 

“Yes, Frank, you’re right and I know you’re a different person, just like gay people are different people, too.”

 

He looked up at her with understanding but immediately dropped his head again.

 

“Frank, I understand everything you just said. Why do you think I’m still married to you. It’s because in spite of your stubbornness, I understand you and I love you, you dumb-arse,” she said and laughed, watching as he caught on to her use of his words before he smiled at her.

 

She then continued, “I admit sometimes I want to give you a good smack across the back of the head but I’m very aware you’re a good man with a good soul and I also know there’s an intellectual bursting inside of you trying to get out. As much as I love you - and I do love you - sometimes I wish your father’s old-school ways hadn’t imprisoned you quite the way they did. I only wish you could be open to change; well, at least before it comes crashing into you, knocking you off your feet in the process.”

 

“I told you, I’m trying but I’ll try harder,” he said.

 

“That’s good to hear,” she replied.

 

Jackson’s door opened abruptly and he stepped into the dining room, turned directly toward his father and stared at him. Frank’s face filled with embarrassment from the realisation his son had heard him speak so personally and emotionally and vulnerably. Only April had ever been privy to that part of him. He had completely forgotten his son was in his bedroom and as he looked at his son’s face, Frank was now even more confused with what was happening.

 

With a subtle smile but with emotional tears rolling down his cheeks, Jackson said, “Good man, Dad.”

 

Recognising the words he had said to his son only the night before, he knew instantly that Jackson was telling him he understood and that his son was giving him his approval. At no point had Frank ever thought or considered he needed his son’s approval for anything. For some reason he did not quite understand, though, the fact he had received it, caused something to shift deep inside of him, which caught him well and truly off guard.

 

Frank had reached a strange point in his life. He had always been a big, strong, confident and certain man but in recent times, he had begun to feel small and insignificant. Nothing he said or did seemed to matter anymore and somehow, this world now seemed to be whizzing passed him. All that seemed to matter were April, his home, his job and his friends, all of which seemed to accept the man his father had taught him to be. Those things were the only things that gave his life a sense of familiarity and certainty.

 

All of a sudden, as he stared at his son crying while not even knowing why he was crying, so many feelings, both past and present, shot to the surface inside. Jackson’s words, along with his tears, had caused an emotional effect and Frank had no idea how to stop the onslaught of overwhelming feelings. It was a barrage of emotions and they were pushing up and filling his chest, making him feel like he was losing control.

 

For quite some time the changing world had begun to seem threatening. So often he had wanted to talk about how he felt, however, being a man meant he had to keep his self-doubts and fears to himself. To do otherwise would mean showing weakness and men were not supposed to show weakness. Though he had never really made it clear to her; April had become his soothing voice, his place to go to for clarity, without ever really needing to reveal the essence of what he felt or to tell her how uncertain he was.

 

Still looking at Jackson, he could not believe his son had genuinely if figuratively, done what his father had never done. Jackson had acknowledged his choices and actions as worthy. He had acknowledged he was trying to change and trying to be open and accepting. His son was telling him he was doing something good and something right. His own father would have told him he was being soft and weak.

 

The only man in Frank’s life that had ever acknowledged his thoughts and feelings and come close to understanding him was Davey. Suddenly Frank’s father, the man whose validation he had been seeking for decades, seemed unworthy. A quiet voice inside of him was questioning if the ways of his father deserved the importance he had been giving them for so long?

 

With that thought, it occurred to Frank how little he had received from his father in realistic terms. He looked at Jackson and considered how little he had given to his son. Frank wondered if he had become his own father?

 

He knew he was not speaking. He could see that Jackson was looking at him and waiting for a reply. All he could think about was why his son was crying, how much he wanted Davey to remain in his life, how out of touch he felt with everything and how grateful he was that the woman he adored still loved him and wanted to remain at his side.

 

Despite forcibly applying all his control to maintain his manly, adult demeanour, in those following seconds, Frank lost all of his control and he broke. His eyes welled with tears and moments later they began to stream down his cheeks.

 

Having no idea why his father was suddenly crying as well, Jackson felt only one desire. He walked over to Frank, leaned down to his father who was still seated in his chair and he embraced him. In that moment his father’s body was the stiffest body Jackson had ever touched. Frank put one arm around Jackson but the arm was stiff as well. All Frank could muster was the standard male pat on the back.

 

“Dad, all any of us can do is try. We all have to try to do our best and be our best in the situations we’re confronted with. It doesn’t matter how young or how old we are, on some level or in some way, it’s hard for all of us. I’m proud of you, Dad. Don’t let Davey become a memory. Good friends are too important and too hard to find.”

 

Jackson pulled away because he did not want to put further emotional pressure on his father. He had never even imagined his father was even capable of crying until that moment. All of a sudden his father had a heart and had become an actual human being. The same man was in front of him and yet, his tear-filled eyes and his emotions made him seem different.

 

With that realisation, he looked at Frank and wondered if he should use this moment as a bridge. He then turned and looked at his mother. April was already giving him a subtle smile, along with eyes filled with pride. He somehow knew she already knew what he was thinking, however, all she offered in response was a little shrug, letting him know the choice was his. He turned back to his father and saw that Frank had stopped crying. Instead, Frank was looking at him with amazement in his eyes.

 

“I should have known,” Frank said unexpectedly, as he stared at his son.

 

Jackson had also stopped crying and his eyes filled with curiosity when he asked, “You should have known what, Dad?”

 

“What an amazing son you are. I didn’t know, though, simply because I didn’t know you. I should have known you but I was too caught up inside myself, inside my beliefs and inside my life. I never allowed myself to see beyond who I thought I should be and therefore, who I thought you should be.”

 

“I’m not amazing, Dad. I’m about as average as they get.”

 

“What you just said and did, Jackson, that was amazing to me.”

 

“Okay but Dad, you still don’t know me.”

 

“Well, I’m to blame for that, Jackson.”

 

“Blame doesn’t need to be a part of it, Dad. All you have to do is talk to me. It’s all I’ve ever really wanted from you. Just talk to me, listen to me and accept me for who I am.”

 

New tears rolled down Frank’s cheeks, as both understanding and guilt filled him. He stared at Jackson like his son was a demigod that had touched his forehead and healed his mind of ignorance. He thought of all the time he had wasted or denied himself with his son and he asked, “Will you let me try, Jackson?”

 

Looking at his father, years of random thoughts and random hurts ran through his mind. He felt a momentary desire to tell Frank to choke on the consequences of his actions, however, immediately Jackson’s heart was filled with hope and his expression changed.

 

“Dad, if you really mean what you’re suggesting, then my answer to your question can be found in your reaction to what I’m about to tell you.”

 

Frank looked at Jackson curiously and said, “What is it?”

 

“I’m gay, Dad, just like Davey.”

 

Even though in years gone by, Frank had wondered about the possibility his son was gay, still the revelation came as a shock. With everything that was happening in his mind and heart, along with what was happening in his world as a whole, this was just one more thing placed on top of the pile. The initial look in Frank’s eyes revealed one thing only and that was his struggle to comprehend why the figurative landslide seemed unending.

 

He turned and looked at April, as if his wife could somehow reach out, take his hand and save him from drowning. She looked back at him and softly nodded that it was true. He felt like he needed more from her but that was all she gave him. Frank lifted his right hand and rested it across his brow, covering his eyes as he squeezed like he was trying to relieve tension. He inhaled very deeply before his hand dropped down onto his lap. He lifted his head and as he turned to face his son again, he suddenly understood why Jackson had been crying.

 

Frank knew at his core that though he could not understand being attracted to another man, it did not make it wrong. The increasing numbers showed it was as standard to the human population, as the rareness of marsupials were to the rest of the animal population. Subsequently he knew he could accept Jackson, as he had Davey, however, he also knew getting used to the idea would take time.

 

He asked, “Can you be patient with me, Jackson?”

 

“If it means you’ll speak to me, then absolutely,” Jackson replied emotionally and started to cry.

 

Biting his lip to stave off his emotions, Frank stood up and embraced his son like he was trying to make him disappear into his chest. His prior judgement, prior hardness and his subsequent, current guilt, were now at the fore of his mind. A connection to his son was suddenly growing and he squeezed him tighter. His body was no longer stiff and his arms were warm and inclusive.

 

“I’m sorry,” Frank said softly.

 

Jackson said softly in return, “For what?”

 

“For treating you like my father treated me,” Frank replied.

 

Though know one saw because his face was buried in his father’s shoulder, Jackson smiled, tightened his arms around his dad and said, “This hug was worth the wait, Dad.”

 

Emotional tears rolled even more heavily from Frank’s eyes and for some time to come, the father and the son held tightly to each other, as if they were twins who had been separated at birth and only now had been reunited.

 

April sat back silently and simply looked up and watched. It was a long held desire finally coming true. She smiled and felt the love and the pride and the satisfaction of a mother’s and a wife’s heart.

 

Much later, in the darkness of his bedroom, just before he drifted into sleep, Jackson thought that despite everything that had happened, he needed to see Brad and to make sure he was okay, following a breakup of a relationship where Brad had done nothing wrong.

 

With a sense of certainty and also a smile that things might now be different with his dad, Jackson closed his eyes and thought, “The Swanson residence has finally changed.”

 

***

 

When Jackson woke up the next day it was late. Though in a way it was surprising as he eyed the clock, it also was not surprising because in recent times, his sleep had been much heavier. He had come to the conclusion that with everything he had been going through, as well as the fact he had been working so much more than he was actually required to, his mind and body were probably trying to tell him he needed more sleep to balance his output.

 

He thought about Brad immediately, which was always his first thought in the morning. He told himself he had to go and see Brad to make sure he was okay. He then jerked off to a fantasy of Brad pushing weights while naked in the garage. Within the fantasy Jackson was also naked but kneeling between Brad’s huge thighs, as his lips and tongue were sliding up and down an impressive column of desire. He came quickly and then got out of bed, made some breakfast, cleaned his teeth, shaved and showered and in no time at all, he was on his way to Body Ease.

 

Late that Tuesday afternoon, as Jackson was leaving work, something that had been on his mind all day, caused him to call Saad. There was a very specific reason for the call and it was based on something Saad had said weeks ago. It was what Saad said late that Sunday afternoon after the Saturday night Brad had come home drunk.

 

During the call, as he was on his way up to Saad’s apartment, Saad had said that Jackson was his first and only but also, everyday when he masturbated, Jackson was his go-to-guy in his fantasies. The thought had been running around in Jackson’s mind ever since, however, today Jackson decided it was time to try and open Saad up to new alternatives and new opportunities.

 

“Hi,” Jackson said.

 

“Hi. Have you just finished work?”

 

“Yeah,” Jackson replied.

 

“You want to come over?”

 

“No but I do want to talk to you about something. Actually, more to the point, I was thinking that if you’re not busy tonight, maybe we could go out?”

 

“Sure, I’d love to. What did you have in mind?”

 

“Well, Saad, neither of us have ever been to a gay bar or pub or club and that’s probably a huge reason why we never meet anyone and so I was thinking it was about time we started.”

 

There was a thoughtful pause from Saad and though Jackson had no idea, Saad felt an aversion to the idea of going to any gay establishment. By that point in his life he had accepted he was gay and loved having sex with Jackson, however, anything beyond that was still an issue to him. He wondered how he could stop this before it got started and so he said, “You haven’t even turned eighteen yet, Jackson. You might get in but you won’t be allowed to drink.”

 

“I look closer to your age than my own and so I don’t think that’ll be a problem. Anyway, Saad, if we do have a problem than we’ll deal with it but if we don’t, it’s about time we started getting out there,” Jackson said.

 

“If you don’t want to have sex with me anymore, you don’t have to,” Saad said.

 

“What? Where in hell did that come from?”

 

“I’m guessing you’re trying to get me a boyfriend so you don’t have to fuck me anymore,” Saad explained.

 

“Well, you’re guessing wrong, Saad. I absolutely love having sex with you.”

 

“If that’s the case, why are you pushing this so suddenly? It seems like you want to push me away.”

 

“Saad, I know what you’re feeling and I know that’s why you’re reacting this way. We both know you and I aren’t in love with each other. We’re great friends and that won’t change. We also have awesome sex but that’s all it is. We’re easy for each other and we don’t have to take any risks with each other. Your scared and hesitant and tentative but Saad, guess what? I am too. We can’t meet guys if we spend all out time with each other and certainly not if we only walk in a tiny circle. We need to broaden our circle and open ourselves up to other guys and more opportunities,” Jackson said.

 

Following a silent pause, Saad said, “I’m not ready, Jackson.”

 

“Yeah you are, Saad. You’re just scared and trying to avoid what you know you have to do eventually.”

 

“Well, eventually doesn’t have to be tonight.”

 

Jackson sighed hard with irritation and said, “Fine, so you want me to enable your fear and come over and fuck you?”

 

“There’s no need for that, Jackson. Why do you have to say it like that?”

 

“Reality, Saad.”

 

Pausing again, Saad said, “But I won’t know what to say or do? I’ll look like an idiot who doesn’t fit in.”

 

“You think I’m feeling confident, Saad? Let me tell you, I’m not confident about this at all but that’s why I’m asking my friend to go with me. I’m going to be eighteen this year and you’re going to be twenty. We’re men and we’ve got to start living like men and putting ourselves out there. At least we’ll be together and we can look after each other and we don’t even have to pick up a guy if we don’t want to. Let’s just go out and see what it’s like. I promise if you hate it than we can leave, as long as we give it some time. How about an hour or two?”

 

Following an even longer pause, Saad said, “Okay but promise me you won’t leave me alone?”

 

“I promise but Saad, think about who you are in general life. You’re smart, you’re confident and you don’t let people fuck with you or manipulate you. You decide what you want and you act accordingly. That’s who you are. The only difference in this case is that wherever we go, all the guys are going to be gay and all of them will be there with the hope of meeting someone. If you’re not attracted to a guy, you’re not obligated to say yes to anything. The only thing you really need to do is be social and decent and follow your instincts.”

 

“I suppose,” Saad said.

 

“Listen, Saad, we’ll go in, get a drink, sit down and have a look around. We’ll watch and see how it all works and if anyone comes on too strong, we’ll say we’re boyfriends and we’re not interested. Okay?”

 

“Okay but I’m not making any promises about how I’ll react, Jackson.”

 

“Fine. I’m not asking for more than that,” Jackson said.

 

“This will probably be a disaster,” Saad said.

 

“It will with that kind of attitude, Saad.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Alright,” Saad replied.

 

“Great. I’m just leaving now to go home and eat and get changed. I’ll see you at your place in a couple of hours, okay?”

 

“Sure,” Saad replied.

 

“I’ll be right there with you the whole time and I won’t let anything bad happen. Consider me your knight in shining armour who’ll whisk you away if needed.”

 

Saad laughed but then said, “Not if I meet a hunk, though, Jackson.”

 

Jackson smiled and had to stop himself from bursting into laughter.

 

“Um, one thing, Saad, the hunks are mine, you get the stupid, ugly and skinny ones, okay?”

 

“If I’m going to do this to help you out, Jackson, then if I call dibs on any guy, you’re not allowed to try to cut my lunch.”

 

“Well listen to the change in you. Fuck you, Saad, they’ll all want me anyway.”

 

“We’ll see about that,” Saad said.

 

“Okay, well I gotta get on my bike and ride home but I’ll see you soon.”

 

“See you,” Saad said.

 

***

 

The situation was nothing like they thought it was going to be. Apart from everything else, Jackson was not given a second glance regarding his age, which included when he walked up to the bar and ordered their drinks. More generally, though, it was a weeknight and so it was not all that busy. Additionally, by the time they were seated and drinking and relaxed, they were talking and listening to the music in the background while enjoying checking out all the men that were there.

 

It did not take long for the gay pub to become a building instead of a scary place. Soon enough they were talking about other things as well and Jackson brought up what had happened at home with his mum and dad. Naturally their friendship took over and their apprehensions vanished, as soon as they were deep in conversation.

 

Later, at one point, when Jackson went to the bar to get them a drink, when he turned around, he discovered Saad talking to one of the hottest men in the entire place. He was not surprised that Saad could hook a guy that looked as hot as the man did, however, Jackson did feel sort of disappointed that he had not been the one to post the first win or to open up the first opportunity.

 

Thinking thoughtfully on Saad’s behalf, Jackson walked passed their table quickly, put the new drink down in front of Saad and without stopping or saying a word, he continued away and went to the restroom. When he came out, Saad was immersed in conversation with the guy and so when Jackson went back to the bar to get his drink, he decided to sit down and drink alone. The last thing he wanted to do was get in the way of the opportunity taking place for Saad. The barman, seeing what was happening, made conversation with Jackson, however, he was back and forth with customers and so the conversation was jagged at best.

 

Jackson was definitely getting looks from guys around him, even though no one approached him. He had no idea but the truth was he was not expressing any interest or openness and so he did not really give off a sense of availability. To those that did check him out, he seemed disinterested and an unlikely candidate.

 

He was still uncomfortable about approaching a stranger to strike up a conversation. He wondered if any of them really wanted to talk or if they would only want to go somewhere and fuck. Once that thought ran through his mind, he knew he was not completely at ease because of his old monster thoughts.

 

That realisation confirmed, as Trevor had said, there was no time limit on healing. He was not having an anxiety attack or concerned about sexual penetration; he was just apprehensive in the new environment, particularly because he was alone. Telling himself he had to look after Saad anyway, which was undoubtedly an excuse, it made him feel better about not asserting himself right away.

 

Maybe twenty to thirty minutes later, Saad walked over to the bar and asked Jackson to come and join them. Saad seemed almost smitten, as he rambled on in adjectives such as nice, sexy, great, hot and funny. They returned to the table and after only a few minutes, Jackson thought the guy whose name was Preston, was pretty damned nice, however, his mind also thought in similar adjectives regarding Preston as well.

 

The three sat there for a couple of hours talking and having a great night. Preston was twenty-two, American and hailed from New Hampshire but he was in the process of getting citizenship in Australia. Jackson knew there could be no way to be certain about a stranger they did not really know, however, he really did believe Preston seemed like a truly genuine man. When Preston excused himself to use the restroom, Saad quickly asked Jackson’s opinion and he gave Saad the thumbs up and nod of approval.

 

“Just be careful, Saad. Sure, take him home, enjoy the sex, have a good time but always keep caution in the back of your mind. You can never judge a book by its cover and so don’t just assume he’s Mister Right. He might just want a one-night-stand and nothing more but who knows?”

 

“I’ll be careful, I promise and thank you so much for this, Jackson.”

 

“Tomorrow, if he’s a god, Saad, keep that tidbit of information to yourself because I’m jealous as shit and I won’t want to know. If he’s the ultimate fail, though, by all means call me and give me all the details. In that case I’ll be more than willing to support my friend,” Jackson joked.

 

“You prick,” Saad replied.

 

“You guys ready to go,” Preston asked as he returned.

 

“Yeah, we’ll grab a cab and I’ll drop you two off on the way through,” Jackson said.

 

They left the pub later than either had expected but Jackson still arrived home before midnight. The moment he was in bed, though, Jackson did not feel bad about the night because he honestly thought it had been a success. The original idea had been for Saad’s sake and so really, Jackson was pretty damned pleased. He did have a cautious concern for his friend being alone with a stranger, however, he made sure his phone was charging and definitely switched on and then finally, he lay down, pictured Brad and wildly jerked himself off until he fell into a deep sleep.

 

The next day between massages, Jackson gave Saad a quick call to check on him but to his great surprise, not only did Saad sound beyond happy but also, Saad told him Preston was still there, they were still in bed and even though it was eleven o’clock on Wednesday morning, they had no plans on getting out of bed just yet.

 

Telling Saad to put his phone on loud speaker so he could talk to them both, as soon as he did, Jackson called Saad a cock slut and Preston an arse whore and then he told them to get jobs and stop being a drain on society. When he heard them laughing hysterically, he disconnected the call and went to meet his next client.

 

***

 

When Brad arrived home on Wednesday afternoon, he went out to the garage for his daily work-out but while he was pushing his weights, a thought came to mind and it swiftly turned into a decision. After he returned inside and showered, he made a call to his parents and after confirming they would be at home alone with no plans, he asked if he could come and see them.

 

His mother, Genevieve Courtney, was not only surprised by the unexpected call and requested visit mid-week, she was also curious when he told her he would be coming alone. She suggested he join them for dinner but the moment he agreed, he ended the call before she had any chance to question what was going on.

 

As he drove into Double Bay, one of Sydney’s exclusive eastern suburbs, as much as he thought in some respects it was an attractive suburb, Brad shook his head at how different both the house and the suburb were from where he had grown up. He had never been unhappy regarding the surroundings of his youth and in fact, in a way he was glad he had not been raised in such an elite environment.

 

The greetings when he walked into the house were nice enough, even though Brad could always feel how superficial everything seemed. He saw his parents a couple times per year but even though the visits were not regular, usually when he did go, Penny was always with him. Genevieve had always loved Penny and got on well with her but as for his father, John Courtney, the man had always perceived his son being with a model, as some form of variation of a rung on the social ladder.

 

The question of where Penny was that night, confronted Brad twice when he arrived. His mother asked him the moment he walked into the house and only minutes later, when his father appeared, he was asked again. On both occasions Brad simply told them he wanted to see them alone and he would explain later.

 

It was barely ten minutes after he arrived when they sat down for dinner. For most of the forty-plus minutes while they ate, Brad forced the conversation to remain superficial, just the way his father seemed to like things. He questioned his mother about her business, which dealt in over-rated and over-priced modern art, most of which Brad could find no interest in or taste for. His father, though, did not need to be led into preferred conversation, as he droned on about his red wine collection, his current stock portfolio and the up and coming performances of opera during the year ahead.

 

Once the meal was over, they moved to a large room for coffee. As soon as they were seated and comfortable on beautiful leather lounge chairs, Brad wasted no time to finally begin the conversation, which was the entire reason for his visit. He noted a thought in his mind immediately before he began, which was that he really did not care what their reaction would be and that all that was of concern to him was that they heard the truth from his own mouth.

 

“Well, it’s about time I explained some things to you,” he said.

 

“We’re all ears, Bradly,” his mother replied.

 

“I want you both to understand that the things I’m about to tell you have occurred over time and that they’re now set in stone. This is not a debate, I’m simply letting you know what’s happening in my life and that my change in course is well underway.”

 

John asked, “Change in course? Have you begun a new career?”

 

“No, Dad, my job is still very secure and continues to satisfy me and my requirements. This has nothing to do with that. The reason Penny is not with me tonight is because we’re no longer together.”

 

Genevieve gasped and then said, “What? Oh no.”

 

“Age, wisdom and time, I guess, Mum. Anyway, the details aren’t necessary but something personal occurred in regard to our relationship. Following a confrontation and a brief time apart to give some time to think, we both arrived at a similar yet unexpected conclusion. The conclusion was that our relationship was somewhat based on an idea rather than a reality. We realised that we had never stopped to consider the people we became as adults. We were both teenagers when we met and we’d sort of just continued forward like trains stuck on the rails of a track.”

 

“Surely you can fix things? The two of you have been together for what? Twelve or thirteen years? You don’t just throw something like that away when you hit a small stumbling block. I mean think of how it looks,” John said.

 

Brad rolled his eyes but replied, “Dad, it isn’t like we had a disagreement, threw childish tantrums and couldn’t resolve things. It’s already done, we’ve both talked and we’ve both agreed it’s best for both of us. I’ll give you this. It started out in relation to having children and a family but afterwards, a lot of thought and analysis brought us to the conclusion that issue was just a spotlight on more important, personal issues, which neither of us were aware of or even looking at.”

 

“Penny was such a wonderful woman. Are you sure that nothing can be done?”

 

“Yes, Mum, as I said, we’ve discussed it and both agreed. It was a mutual agreement and we’ve already split up.”

 

“You didn’t do the wrong thing by her, did you, Brad?”

 

“No, Dad, I didn’t and never would to a partner.”

 

“Well that’s good to know,” John replied.

 

“Anyway, there’s another reason for this visit and I suspect this is going to be even harder for you to swallow. As I said before, though, there’ll be no debate or questions on this either. Like it or not, I’m a thirty-year-old man and I know what’s right for me whether you understand it or not.

 

“What I’m about to tell you, I know with one hundred percent certainty and that certainty is based on physical experience as well. Please keep that in mind. One last thing, though, it was not the cause of Penny and I separating. In truth, what happened between Penny and I was how my eyes were really opened.

 

“Mum, Dad,” he said, looking them both in the eyes before he continued, “I discovered something about myself when I was a boy. The discovery was only temporarily lived but then time and life saw it fall into the background. I suppose as well, due to society and wanting to fit in and needing to be accepted in my life, I denied that knowledge about myself.

 

“Growing up over time, I always told myself it was just a choice I made and there was nothing to it. I allowed my life to continue on like it was par for the course. In my case, unlike many other people, I felt no struggle in doing so, although now I suspect that was because of a deep hurt I experienced as a boy. Time saw to it that I thought everything about my path was normal and therefore I didn’t question an alternative.”

 

Genevieve looked at Brad and asked, “What are you trying to say, Bradly?”

 

“I’m getting to it, Mum. It’s not difficult for me to say it, I just want you to understand how I came to know with such absoluteness, what I’m about to reveal to you.”

 

“Well, I hope you get to the point soon because you’ve completely lost me, Brad,” John said.

 

“Okay, well, throughout my late teens and my early twenties, deep in the back of my mind, though I barely ever really thought much about it, there was always a vague thought about who I was deep down. Due to the fact I felt satisfied with the course my life was taking, though, I never allowed that thought to remain at the surface. I didn’t feel like I was hiding anything or denying anything because the thought was too random.

 

“When Penny and I separated initially, which was only so I could sort out my feelings and thoughts; one of the things that came to the surface was that old thought. There is a lot to all of this but suffice to say, it really came to the surface due to an actual physical experience. The experience led me to another experience and because of something else in my life, I fundamentally underwent a revelation.”

 

John joked and asked while laughing, “Are we there yet?”

 

Brad looked at his father with disappointment but then his expression steeled and he said directly, “The revelation I came to understand was that I’m gay.”

 

Both Genevieve and John’s faces transformed to expressions of stunned shock.

 

“Oh my,” Genevieve said, inhaling deeply.

 

“No, you’re not,” John said, as if he knew better.

 

“Actually Dad, I am,” Brad replied and stared him down.

 

Genevieve was looking confused and she said questioningly, “But… Penny?”

 

“Mum, I did love Penny and yes we were sexual and had a great relationship but the thing is, what I’ve now realised is that the love I felt for Penny, though real and important, it was not as real or true as what I know I can have and that I need.”

 

John stood and crossed the room with attitude. He was obviously not happy and he approached a bar and instantly poured himself a scotch on the rocks. The ice cubes clashed and clanked against the thick glass as he took a hard drink and then turned and stared at his son.

 

“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, Brad. I think this physical experience you had has deluded you with sexual and sensual sensations and you’ve allowed an adult life to be swayed by something you didn’t know existed. You’re not gay; you’re just going through a midlife crisis or something.”

 

“No, Dad, I’m not. I’m a homosexual man who has just discovered he was existing deep in the back of a closet, without even knowing he was there.”

 

“I don’t accept that, Brad,” John replied.

 

“John,” Genevieve said forcefully.

 

“No, Genevieve,” John replied to his wife.

 

“Really, Dad, this was a courtesy visit and nothing more. I told you, this is not up for debate or a time for questioning or me seeking parental advice, which frankly, by the way, has been non-existent for my entire life. Like it or not, accept it or not, your son, Brad Courtney, is gay, he knows he’s gay and soon enough he’s going to begin living as a gay man. Now, you can either take as much time as you need to while you come to terms with it or you can continue to deny it because it doesn’t suit your idea of how things should look but really, I don’t give a damn.”

 

“I’m sorry if that was hard for you, Bradly. It was a bit of an unexpected shock but understand that I’m not thinking like your father is.”

 

“Thank you, Mum.”

 

“It might take a little time for me to get used to the idea but I will get used to it and I don’t want you to think that it will change a thing. I don’t want you thinking the door to this house is closed to you,” she elaborated.

 

Walking over to his mother, Brad leaned down and gave her a hug. He whispered into her ear, “Thank you and I love you” and then he stood back up and looked across at his father. John looked at him, swallowed the rest of his drink, slammed the glass down on the bar and walked silently out of the room.

 

Turning, Brad saw the disappointed expression on his mother’s face, as she watched her husband leave the room.

 

“Don’t be too concerned, Mum. I mean of course I’d prefer him to be all smiles and okay with it but if he can’t accept it than that’s how it will be. I had to be forceful, though. He had to know that I know myself.”

 

“I understand,” Genevieve said.

 

“Time moves on and things change, Mum. You know it and I know it and eventually he has to come to terms with the fact that not everything in his life can be pretty and perfect the way he thinks things should be. I’ve never conceded to his ways or conformed to his attitudes and I never will. He and I are like chalk and cheese and I suspect we always will be. He’s my father and I love him but that doesn’t mean I will acquiesce to appease him, especially at the expense of my own life.”

 

“Nor should you have to, Bradly.”

 

“Thank you, Mum.”

 

“He’ll come around.”

 

“Yeah, I suspect the same. Anyway, Mum, I think I might get going. Thank you for the lovely dinner.”

 

“I’d like it if you came and visited more than you do, Bradly.”

 

“I’ll make that change, Mum. It’s just hard with his constant requirements. Sometimes I wonder if he even understands how many different peoples and lifestyles and ways of the world exist.”

 

“I understand, Bradly. I’ll give you a call next week. Would that be okay with you?”

 

“Mum, you can call me any time you want to. I’ll always take your call and I’d be more than happy to speak to you. Let’s make this a two-way street, okay?”

 

Genevieve stood up and opened her arms and Brad walked into them. They embraced and he told her he loved her. She returned the sentiments and told him she would work on his father. He thanked her again and then she saw him to the front door. Just as he was about to step outside, he stopped, turned and called out, “Goodnight, Dad.” There was no reply and he looked at Genevieve like he was not at all surprised. She smiled at him, he smiled back and then he walked out the door and soon he was on his way home.

 

***

 

Levi called Jackson first thing on Thursday morning and actually woke him up. He told him he was not required to work that day, which surprised and slightly disappointed him but he was also happy to have a day off. He went back to sleep for a couple more hours but when he awoke the second time, he realised he still had not seen Brad. Knowing the man would be at work anyway, he therefore decided to do something different to fill the day. In recent times he had thought his wardrobe was beginning to look old and so he decided to go shopping for a bunch of new clothes.

 

Following finding some specials and really good deals, he took himself off for a nice lunch and then finally went home. He then spent a couple hours on the internet surfing about fairly randomly and eventually after an hours accidental nap on his bed, he opened his eyes when his phone rang with a call from Jessie.

 

Before they even got into a conversation, Jackson asked her to go out for dinner with him that night and she was very agreeable. They met up at one of his favourite restaurants and though it was not an expensive restaurant, the food was really good. As soon as they were seated, Jessie looked at him quizzically.

 

Jackson asked, “What’s up?”

 

“That was my question, Jackson. What’s going on?”

 

“Well, there’s a bit happening and I wanted to tell you about it and so that’s the point of the night out. Why? What did you think I was up to?”

 

“Honestly, Jackson, I thought you wanted to see me to do with today.”

 

“What about today?”

 

“Oh come on, Jackson, it’s a bit late for playing dumb?”

 

“Jess, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jackson said.

 

“Really? You mean today was perfectly natural and you had no idea about it?”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Jess?”

 

“Jackson, how come you weren’t at work today?”

 

“Levi called me this morning and told me I wasn’t needed. How did you know I didn’t work today?”

 

“Levi called me this morning and asked me if I could work,” Jessie said.

 

“Really? That’s great, Jess,” he said, even though curiosity filled his eyes.

 

“Don’t you think that’s weird, Jackson?”

 

“I’m sure Levi has a method to his madness,” Jackson replied, even though he did think it was odd.

 

“Jackson, I don’t understand it but if there’s anything not kosher about telling you not to work and then asking me to work, let me know, okay?”

 

“It’ll be fine, Jess. Anyway, how did the day go?”

 

“Really good. I was super busy, I had no complaints from anyone and Levi seemed impressed with me before I left.”

 

“Who was working today?”

 

“There was one guy and three girls and of course, me.”

 

“What were their names?”

 

“Well, the guy, who I really liked was Casey and the three girls were Beth, Jane and Brook. I have to tell you, Jackson, I really didn’t like Brook very much. She kept arguing with me concerning anything I said. She seemed like one of those super contrary people. The problem was that I knew I was right every time she argued with me. On top of that, every time I went anywhere near Casey to talk to him, she stepped between us to stop me. Honestly, she was a real bitch.”

 

“Yeah, I’d agree with that conclusion. She only seems to be like that where the other girls are concerned. They all just tend to avoid her and stay out of her way. Don’t worry about it, you’ll be fine, Jess.”

 

“Okay, if you say so,” Jessie replied.

 

“So, you like Casey, hey?”

 

“He’s nice.”

 

“Yeah, he is. If he were gay I might think about taking a chance. Unfortunately he swings another way. He’s straight, he’s single and he’s looking for the right girl. He’s also not a fan of Brook either, although I’m sure you don’t care about that,” he said with a grin. “In conversations we’ve had, I’ve discovered he has a penchant for small or petite and sexy girls, particularly blondes. No anyone who fits that description, Jess?”

 

“I wonder why Levi did that today,” she said, abruptly changing the subject.

 

“Well that change of subject was as subtle as a sledge hammer, Jess. Anyway, listen, I can see by the look in your eyes you’re worrying about it but don’t. I was thinking the same at first but now as I consider it, I do more shifts than anyone and over the last couple of weeks I’ve even been doing a few double shifts. Maybe he thought I needed a break and if that’s the case, he was probably right because I’ve been sleeping heavily lately and I even fell asleep this afternoon before you called. Alternatively, maybe he wanted to try you out and he didn’t want the guy who recommended you to be there to distract you from being at your natural best?”

 

“Maybe? Well, let’s just wait and see what happens,” Jessie said.

 

“So anyway, Jess, I’ve come out to my parents.”

 

“Really? Oh Jackson, that’s great. How did it go?”

 

“Mum was mind-blowing and awesome and one hundred percent supportive, which was just the best thing ever. Dad, on the other hand, well that was a really weird situation. The whole situation was certainly weird for him personally with Mum but without going into detail, their conversation opened a doorway for me and I took the opportunity and now they both know. I don’t foresee any problems and with a little luck, my relationship with my dad might actually change for the better.”

 

“I’m so pleased for you, Jackson.”

 

“Thanks but Jess, something more close to home for you; I talked Saad into going to a gay pub with me for our first foray into the gay scene.”

 

“Really? What was it like? Was it weird, great, exciting or what?”

 

“It was enjoyable, Jess. Strange at first but as we relaxed and started to settle into it, we both felt it wasn’t too bad. Here’s the good part, though, my whole reason was to get Saad out there so maybe he could meet a guy and guess what? He did.”

 

“You’re kidding?”

 

“No and not only that, the guy’s incredibly hot, seems like a really nice guy and not only did he go home with Saad but when I called at eleven in the morning the next day to check on Saad, they were still together and still in bed.”

 

“Oh wow. Is that normal for gay guys?”

 

“How would I know, Jess? It’s all new for me as well. I just hope all is as it seemed and that it works out for Saad as a long term thing.”

 

“Won’t that bother you, Jackson? I mean even just a bit?”

 

“Maybe a little, Jess. The thing is, we’ll still be friends but we just won’t have sex. That’s a good thing for Saad because I know he wants to find a boyfriend and I know I can’t give him more. I think it’s important.”

 

“So do I, Jackson. You’re a good guy, you know that?”

 

“Oh Poppycock. I’m just me and doing what’s right.”

 

“Poppycock? Did someone just transport us to nineteenth century London or something?”

 

Jackson chuckled and said, “Anyway, changing the subject, I want to thank you for what you did.”

 

“What I did with what?”

 

“Jess, you changed my life and my world with one consultation with Trevor. He helped me and he sorted everything out. In a way I feel like a different man.”

 

“Well, you even sound a little different and though I don’t believe a phone call requires thanks, let me just say this and we can leave it at that. You’re very welcome, Jackson. It makes me so pleased that you feel better than you did.”

 

“Okay. Good. Now, no arguments, Jess. This meal is on me so let me say thank you the way I want to and don’t only choose cheap prices. I want to enjoy this meal and our time together and I want you to really enjoy it with me. Deal?”

 

“It’s your money, Jackson, so yes, it’s a deal. Let’s order and eat because I’m ravenous.”

 

Jackson looked up with a huge smile, lifted his finger and called measuredly, “Waiter!”

 

***

 

Yet another week was almost over when Jackson opened his eyes on Friday morning. His mind instantly turned to Brad as it always did but this time, Jackson felt angry with himself. Ever since Monday night he had been telling himself he needed to go and see Brad but everyday, somehow he seemed to forget and make other plans that got in the way. He was not unhappy about the things he did or the outcomes that occurred, however, still he felt a sense of guilt because it seemed like he had dismissed the most important person in his life.

 

He had no real idea of how Brad was feeling or even what sort of emotional state he was in. Jackson just took it for granted that Brad would have to be sad and upset following the breakdown of a relationship, which he had been a part of for so long. The reality was that Jackson considered Brad his best friend and as such, he felt like he had let Brad down by not being there for him in a time of need.

 

He knew he would be seeing Brad that night and so it made him feel a little more at ease but even so, Jackson thought he had been a hypocrite by saying the words best friend but not living up to them in his actions. With all of that in mind, Jackson still pictured Brad naked and moments later the man was on top of him, kissing him and embracing him, as they both came simultaneously in a very hot fantasy.

 

Just after he got out of bed, Jackson received a phone call. The call was from a client he saw independently of Body Ease. Over a month ago, he had received a call from a young man who was an artist and was seeking a massage. During the massage they had talked extensively and an idea popped into Jackson’s mind.

 

Knowing it was approaching Brad’s birthday, the fifteenth of February, Jackson asked if he could paint a picture of a scene he had in his mind. The artist, Rone Grayson, after listening to Jackson’s imaginative idea, told him he could do it but not by the time of Brad’s birthday. Jackson told him to go about it anyway and finally, now in March, Rone told him the painting was ready. Jackson told him he would pick it up and pay for it later that day and an hour later, he was peddling fast through morning traffic and on his way to work.

 

To be continued...