Chapter 3 
Big Man.

 

After being given the all clear by both parents, Jackson began working-out with Brad in the garage on weekends. After a few months, though, sometimes in the afternoon following school, he was allowed to go into the garage and work-out on his own.

 

Even though he had seen the heavy weights Brad used, Jackson did as he was told and only lifted the lighter weights. He wanted Brad’s awesome body instantly but the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint him. He therefore chose to never divert from or even slightly vary the routines set out for him.

 

Naturally Frank believed that weight training was good for the boy and so he was all for the idea, particularly when Jackson had shown no interest in involving himself in any form of sport or physical activities. Frank still carried a hope deep inside that someday Jackson would become a tough Rugby player and therefore, lifting weights seemed like a good way to build him up and strengthen him for the cause.

 

Where April was concerned, she went next-door to the garage to see the setup and she spoke to Brad directly about what it would involve. Her main concern was Jackson would be okay and that nothing he did would hurt or disrupt his natural growth as a boy. Brad explained it would be a very gradual work-out over time, designed toward health and fitness and so April was satisfied it would be a good thing and nothing to worry about. She looked down at Jackson and gave him a nod and a smile of approval, watching as he smiled back, before seeing the wink that Brad gave to him as a consequence.

 

The reality was that Jackson held Brad on a pedestal and wanted to be like him. The idea of having a body like Brad’s was the second reason he chose to get involved in the weights; the first being a way to spend more time with Brad and hopefully become closer to him at the same time.

 

The fact of the matter was Brad actually did get closer to Jackson with every year that passed by. Somehow the age difference never entered into the equation. They were like best mates, there was never a lull in conversation and laughter was always a huge part of their time together.

 

***

 

An easy-going and super nice guy, Brad never had a bad word to say about anyone. He was always there to lend a hand if required and nothing was ever too large a task. He was just one of those guys that everyone liked, even if they sometimes thought he was a little too good to be true.

 

When Jackson looked at Brad or considered him, though he saw everything that everyone else saw, he also saw other sides to Brad as well. It was everything in combination that made Jackson love him so much but it was two particular sides to Brad that made Jackson’s stomach do somersaults.

 

At one hundred eighty-five point five centimetres or six feet one in the old scale, Brad was tall. Being one hundred five kilograms or just over two hundred thirty pounds, particularly when he was so incredibly built, only added to the picture Jackson saw. Then there was the soft, flowing, light brown hair and those caramel eyes and bright red lips. All of this surrounded by smooth, tanned skin, as well as muscles defined like they were created for a gay magazine shoot; it was the portrait Jackson saw regularly but also the fantasy that accompanied the growth of his sexuality. Brad was like an untouchable idea but an idea Jackson could never set free.

 

Jackson, though, did not only look at Brad in sexual terms. It was partly because he was too young but also because Brad’s real nature was not being hidden from a child. Insecurities vanished when he was with Jackson and so the real man was always on display when they were alone.

 

The man looked big, strong and incredibly masculine and because of his honeyed, baritone voice, he also sounded that way. Even though he was a gentle spirit, if he happened to be forced into an unpalatable situation of an aggressive nature, he would stand his ground and fight for what he believed was right. Still, Brad indirectly revealed to Jackson within many of their private conversations, he was also a big softy with a big heart. He cared deeply about the important things in life and felt pain and hurt when he spoke about the cruelties and horrors of the world.

 

Over time, Jackson’s questions and conversations matured as he did in every other way but no matter how old he was, he always seemed to learn something, as well as gain a greater understanding of the man who coloured his world and seemed like the most important person in his life.

 

As a consequence of all that Jackson believed Brad to be and despite his young age and complete lack of experience, Jackson not only thought he understood and knew the man, he also thought he had fallen in love with the man as well. Whether he was right or not was yet to be discovered, however, he definitely adored the man, he definitely was at his happiest when he was with the man and his thoughts about Brad, though often intensely sexual, were deeply loving in a manner akin to a son or a very best friend.

 

Of course there was an entire side to Brad that was only known to himself and maybe to a degree, to Penny. After all, who really can know someone truly, when it is hard enough to completely know the self?

 

As a broad picture, Brad had a fairly balanced life between home, work and other random activities but he also made sure he made time for free time as well. His life was enforced to be a specific life, the life he wanted it to be and he was happy with the course it was taking.

 

His immediate family had been a white-collar family, sort of middle class. They were certainly not rich but they also were not poor and so Brad had grown up amidst a pretty good life. When he was fourteen, though, his mother’s mother who lived in Europe and was very wealthy, passed away. The mother and daughter’s relationship was estranged but even so the inheritance came to her, changing the very nature of the life Brad had known.

 

Brad’s parents not only became “new money,” they also let it go to their heads and change their lives. Suddenly Brad was expected to achieve greater than he desired and to uphold a new station or status. He refused to change and as soon as he left school, he got a job, left home and went out on his own. It was during that time he met Penny and fell in love; an eighteen-year-old boy and an eighteen-year-old girl, both with dreams of a perfect life.

 

Though generally speaking Brad was a normal, young boy, he was also a big reader during his childhood. His favourite literature, though, when he was not out roughhousing and being a rowdy boy, most often was about men who saved the day. He loved the young knight, the handsome prince or the brave cowboy, who battled the dragon, the evil king or the wealthy landowner and rescued the imprisoned, the downtrodden or the town under siege. Always, in the end, the handsome, young man, would ride into the sunset with his true love.

 

In a major way, it was these specific literary ideas, which shaped Brad’s mind and heart and turned him into the man he became. There had to be a point and a goal and something to achieve, as he fought for his love, the inevitable sunset and the eventual accomplishment of his boyhood dream. When Penny came into the picture, Brad felt sure his path had begun.

 

Living in a small flat together for the first year away from home, Brad and Penny talked about marriage and children and the life they would share together. As the year moved onward, Brad decided the best thing to do would be to build a secure life for them, before getting married and starting a family.

 

Wanting to look after Penny and provide for her every need, just like the good prince did in all the stories, he decided to do something he did not really want to do and ask his parents for money. Buying a house seemed difficult in the big city and as that was at the base of his goals, he swallowed his pride to get their dreams underway.

 

It was the only time he requested or accepted money from his parents and he only asked for enough for the deposit to get the ball rolling. They gave the money easily and freely but he was determined to pay it back, regardless of what they said to the contrary. It was how he became a house owner at nineteen.

 

Unfortunately, ever since, Brad felt beholden to the loan, as well as obligated to his parents. It was one of the reasons he worked so hard to pay off the house as quickly as possible. The other thing that bothered him was his father, who was always trying to get him to join upper class clubs or the opera society, to give him social status; things that Brad had no interest in at all.

 

It really seemed strange to Brad because up until his mother’s inheritance from his grandmother, he had not realised the extreme extent his father cared about how they looked or who they were in the social world. All Brad wanted was a good but simple life. He wanted a partner and love and sex, he wanted security and stability and family and he wanted it all on his own terms.

 

His father was not a bad man but he always cared too much about appearances and aesthetics, as opposed to the more important things in life. Brad never fought or struggled with his father, however, their relationship was superficial at best and Brad always felt like the closeness he wanted had never been available. When the money came into the picture, it only made things worse and Brad knew if he ever had children, they would be the beneficiaries of a father’s heart. He would not be concerned about who his children were or the choices they made, based on class or religion or some social idea of superiority. He thought that love, open-mindedness and acceptance would be the best attitudes for raising children.

 

He was sure his love for Penny was real because they were very close and highly sexual and their relationship seemed faultless. He was yet to pose the question of marriage because he wanted everything to be right when he did. They had been together for eighteen months at the time Jackson walked into his backyard for the first time and because they both wanted children, he believed a secure life was primary for their perceived future. To Brad, this meant a lot more money in the bank, as well as the removal of the loan he was trying to pay off.

 

His career in the financial industry was stable, acceptable and paid extremely well. He was paying off the house faster than expected and he believed it would only be a matter of time. He had a few social friends from work and from his past, however, Penny and their life was his priority and so in reality, his social life was meagre at best.

 

Four-years later, in spite of his age, Jackson was a go-to friend for Brad. Though he was doing quite well, Brad did not have an exciting life and nor did he have close friends. Jackson loved and idolised him and though it did not make for greater social variation, it certainly provided the male closeness Brad missed by devoting his world almost exclusively to Penny.

 

If he wanted time out from anything or anyone, at least twice a week he was certain that Jackson would be at his side, lifting weights or talking or doing anything he asked Jackson to do. The boy was always there for him no matter what. As a life and as a whole, Brad thought he was doing pretty well. He felt perfectly happy with everything the way it was and as for Jackson’s involvement in his life, the strong connection and the deep closeness was not even a question.

 

The year after Jackson began working-out with Brad, at a certain point Penny and April became closer and their friendship grew. When they began a girl’s night out with a few random girlfriends on Friday nights, Jackson, then ten, found another opportunity to spend more time together with Brad.

 

Frank took the opportunity of those Friday nights without April, to spend time with his old Rugby mates drinking at the club. Therefore, with everyone but Brad unavailable, he became a babysitter for Jackson, which suited everyone’s plans. Subsequently, it became easy to dismiss the fact there would now be three separate occasions Jackson and Brad would spend together each week.

 

What also occurred as a consequence of their Friday nights alone was the realisation they had something else in common. In a way it was like it was meant to be when Jackson discovered that Brad watched Aussie Rules as well. They both watched the sport every weekend of autumn and winter and suddenly, they had someone who could share their respective love of the game. Making the knowledge even better, it only took moments before they learned they followed the same team.

 

Following the first Friday night, Jackson was so excited when Brad told him he was welcome to watch any games with him, he therefore asked his mother for permission to watch all the televised games Brad was watching on any given weekend. Seeing the excitement in Jackson’s eyes, she agreed and soon it did not matter which teams were playing, they were watching and yelling and screaming at the referees because that was what football-loving boys did.

 

However, the first time their team played on a Friday night while Jackson was with him, both were more excited than they had been on any Friday night previous. They loved the game but they loved their team even more and so, it somehow felt like a special night in particular. What neither Jackson nor Brad knew, though, was a three-year-old hurt would come screaming back to life in the process.

 

At halftime of the game on the first Friday night their team played, though they were both happy their team was winning, Brad noticed Jackson became subdued and dourly as he withdrew inside his head. Jackson had been barracking and screaming at the excitement of the game but the moment the break came, Brad knew something was not right and he was determined to get to the bottom of it.

 

“What’s up, Little Man? Our team’s winning, it’s looking pretty inevitable we’ll take the points and move up the ladder, so why do you look like you’re thinking a puppy just died?”

 

“It’s nothing,” Jackson said, as he thought what he was thinking and feeling inside, must have somehow managed to show itself on his face.

 

“Hey, who do you think you’re talking to. We’ve been friends for four years and I can pretty much see right through you. Come on, Little Man, tell me what’s eating at you and let’s see if I can help.”

 

“It’s nothing bad, Brad. It’s just, well, it’s because you want to watch the game with me. It’s because of how good it feels to enjoy it with you and it’s also because we like the same thing,” Jackson said.

 

Momentarily looking at Jackson with confusion, Brad’s expression became serious and he asked, “Okay but Jackson, those things are all good things so why has that got you down?”

 

“Because you care about me and because you like me.”

 

“What? Of course I care about you and I like you. Do you think I’d want to spend as much time with you as I do, if I didn’t?”

 

“No but I like that you do and I don’t want that to change. I don’t want you to think there’s something wrong with me or that the things I like are wrong.”

 

Brad’s eyes opened wide with shock and his mouth fell open. He had no idea what Jackson was talking about or what he was feeling deep down inside, however, whatever he was trying to say, Brad now understood and was relieved that he was not Jackson’s problem. He felt deep concern for him and he moved across the lounge, wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer and asked, “Hey, Jackson, who said there’s something wrong with what you like?”

 

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about this or letting it bother me? Everything’s great with you and it always is. I guess I’m just being a stupid kid and making you think I’m an idiot, which is the last thing I want you to think.”

 

“It does matter. Jackson, if anyone’s being mean to you or hurting you or doing anything to you that they shouldn’t be doing, I want you to know you can always come to me. I want you to know you can talk to me about anything and I’ll stand by you no matter what. I would never let anyone hurt you and I’d be very unhappy with anyone who did.”

 

“No, Brad, it’s nothing like that. It’s… It’s… It’s just my dad. Most of the time I wish you were my dad. I love you so much more than him. Then I think that maybe you’ll become like him because maybe the problem is me, not him. Maybe you’ll start thinking like he does about me or maybe you won’t want to be around me either.”

 

Absolutely stunned by every word that had left Jackson’s mouth, particularly that he loved him more than his father, he stared at Jackson as he decided what he should say and how he should say it.

 

“Little Man, none of us knows what will happen in life. I don’t know what life holds in store for either of us but Jackson, I’ll always want you around because you mean the world to me. Little Man, you’re not stupid, I don’t think you’re an idiot and there’s nothing wrong with you. I love spending time with you, I love watching the footy with you and I can’t imagine any of that’ll change.”

 

Feeling unbelievably honoured but also even more concerned, immediately Brad embraced Jackson with both arms and as he pulled him against him, he held the boys head and rested the sad face against his chest. He stared across the room at the window that revealed the house next-door. He rolled his eyes and wondered how any man could do this to a boy, particularly a son as wonderful and loving and caring as Jackson. He then thought about his own father’s lack of emotion and he shook his head and wondered why so many men were that way.

 

“I’ll never hurt you, Jackson,” Brad said softly.

 

Jackson’s arms had been hanging down like dead appendages at his side but the moment he heard Brad’s words, they came to life, wrapped around Brad’s big body and he squeezed him like he never wanted to let him go.

 

“You’ve got me, Little Man. I promise I’m happy about that and I love that I’ve got you as well.”

 

There was an instant relaxing of Jackson’s body but he held onto Brad for a while longer. A short time after, Jackson let go and he sat back in the spot he had been seated originally. He looked at Brad who was looking back at him with concern and then Jackson asked, “Aussie Rules isn’t a pansy sport, is it?”

 

Brad glared but it was not directed at Jackson, he just happened to be looking at him. Things suddenly seemed a little clearer but he knew what he was thinking was not a certainty. Was it just about the game or was it something more confronting? Surely this was the simple stupidity of the male species and not a father making presumptions about his son? Either way, Brad could not have been more unimpressed by the antiquated attitudes he was hearing.

 

Quickly, though, he replied, “Jackson, there’s no code of football on this planet that requires greater fitness, more endurance or as many variations of skills then Aussie Rules does. This game contains the skills of basketball, soccer and all forms of football. The players are basketball player sized with the hand and foot speed of an NFL wide receiver and stamina greater than a soccer player. It’s played on an oval that dwarfs all other fields by comparison. It’s an incredible code and anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Let me tell you, Jackson, the men that play this game are some of the most elite athletes on earth.

 

“As for your question specifically, there is no such thing as a pansy sport. That word is an ignorant word and unless you’re talking about an actual type of flower, it should never be used to apply to a person, a sport or to anything. Only a narrow mind would use that word and if you ever hear it again, I suggest you ignore it and know that person has a great deal to learn.”

 

Looking at Brad curiously, Jackson asked, “So our guys aren’t ballerinas and candy-arsed pussies?”

 

Brad huffed with disgust and said, “No, Jackson, I can promise you they’re not but Mate, even more importantly, there’s nothing wrong with my little man.”

 

Jackson smiled for real for the first time since the halftime siren had sounded and Brad looked at him and smiled in return. He then said, “One last thing, Jackson. You can come over and watch the footy with me anytime and I promise we’ll both enjoy it, we’ll both get excited by what we see and we’ll both know it’s great to watch it while we’re together.”

 

Jackson turned and looked at Brad with a huge though emotional smile but then with a very particular look in his eyes, he said, “Rugby sucks and their players are pussies.”

 

Brad roared with laughter and then held out his fist, which Jackson immediately tapped with his own. He looked at the television, turned back to Brad and said, “It’s starting. Go the Swans.”

 

***

 

Penny asked as she lay in bed beside Brad a couple of hours later, “Why are you so restless? What’s on your mind that’s got you twisting and turning like there’s spiders in the bed crawling all over you?”

 

“It’s just something that happened earlier,” Brad said.

 

“It’s certainly got you unsettled. What’s the problem?”

 

“It’s not really my business but Frank managed to put it into Jackson’s mind that Aussie Rules was not a sport for men.”

 

“What? I’m not even interested in football but even I can see from when I’ve been in the room while you’re watching it, that’s a complete load of bullshit. Christ, has the man even watched the game? Anyway, why would anyone put that into the mind of a ten-year-old boy?”

 

“That’s the thing, Penn, I’m not sure. I mean some people get so obsessed with the football they love that no other football is good enough. I don’t know if it has something to do with code bias or if he thinks that maybe Jackson’s gay?”

 

Penny looked confused and said, “I don’t understand, what’s that have to do with anything?”

 

“Frank told Jackson it was a pansy sport and so I was wondering if the man was implying Jackson was or might be gay? I mean Jackson’s always been small for his age and he’s also a bit of a softy, not that those things mean anything but he’s also not effeminate or showing any obvious behaviours,” Brad said.

 

“Oh for goodness sake, what century are we living in?”

 

“I know but the thing is, you should have seen the change in him, Penn. He was so upset and questioning himself and he mentioned a fear there was something wrong with him. He was also worried there was something wrong with the things he likes? He may be ten and getting older but he’s still a boy. He almost broke down and I could see all the hurt ripping him apart inside. I don’t even know when it happened but whenever it did, tonight it boiled over.”

 

“I swear I don’t understand how people are required to have a registration for pets but any arsehole can call themselves a parent to a child,” Penny said.

 

“It took some talking on my part but I’m pretty sure I got him to believe there was nothing wrong with him,” Brad replied.

 

“Well, if there was anyone in his life apart from April that could make Jackson see the truth, it’s you, Brad.”

 

“Has April said anything to you about Frank and Jackson?”

 

With an obvious change in the way she was looking at Brad, Penny glanced away before she looked back and sighed.

 

Noticing, Brad asked, “What is it?”

 

“Brad, this goes no further because she told me in confidence but yes, April is concerned by the relationship between Frank and Jackson. She said that Frank is unemotional and dismissive toward him and she doesn’t know how to rectify the matter. She also told me it’s why she’s more than happy to let Jackson spend as much time as he does with you. She thinks you’re a great male influence on her son and that’s why she lets him come over so often.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Honestly. Listen, Brad, first she asked me if Jackson bothered me? Then she asked if he was spending too much time over here and finally, she asked if you were getting a little sick of him? I told her no on all counts and then she said she was glad. She told me she was worried in the beginning but in the last four years since the two of you have been hanging out, she can see a distinct change in Jackson for the better.”

 

“Wow, that’s nice and really amazing but I doubt she would’ve thought that if she’d seen him tonight. The poor kid made me feel helpless for a while.”

 

“That’s so sad, he’s such a good kid,” Penny said.

 

“Yeah, I know. In the four years I’ve known him, tonight was the first time I’ve ever seen him like that. We were having so much fun and the game was exciting but the moment the halftime break came, this rapid change came over him and I felt like I was looking at a boy I didn’t know. I was so glad when the smile came back in the end but I have to tell you, I was angry with Frank for putting Jackson through an internal hell like that.”

 

“So do you think you sorted it out or do you think I should have a word with April? I mean she and I are good friends and I don’t want to hide important information from her about her son?”

 

“No, Penn, just wait and let me see how things evolve. Jackson trusts me and I know he’ll talk to me if somethings wrong. I made him promise me after the game and he gave me his word he’d talk to me if something was bothering him. There’s no point in you or I stirring up a hornet’s nest if it’s not necessary. If there is a problem, though, then we’ll both talk to her together, okay?”

 

“Of course but make sure, Brad. He’s just a boy and you don’t want to leave a malignant tumour festering inside of him that could grow out of control without someone knowing it needs to be treated, figuratively speaking,” Penny said seriously.

 

“I will, Penn. The last thing I want is for Jackson to put himself through any further hell. Dealing with what I had to tonight really got to me but knowing what he was dealing with, it really concerned me and I want to make sure he’s going to be okay.”

 

“He’s lucky to have you,” Penny said.

 

“I feel lucky to have him, too,” Brad replied.

 

“One thing, Brad? Do you think there might be something to it? I mean do you think Jackson might be gay?”

 

“I don’t know, Penny. I mean I wouldn’t care if he was but I’ve never thought about it or wondered if he was and I haven’t seen any obvious signs if that’s what you’re asking?”

 

Looking at Brad for a moment, Penny decided to distort the truth. She did not want to chance an argument or the disruption of what seemed like a perfectly innocent relationship. She believed with one hundred percent certainty that Brad was straight but so often when she looked at Jackson with Brad, she silently questioned if the boy was attracted to a very hot, older man?

 

“I’ve never really put much thought into it but Brad, I have to admit once or twice I wondered why he always wants to spend so much time with you. Now, though, after all of this coming to light, I guess maybe if his father’s such an archaic prick, it makes sense why he would embrace you with so much importance.”

 

“Yeah, I guess it does, Penn.”

 

“Okay, well let’s get some sleep,” Penny said.

 

“Night, Baby,” Brad replied.

 

Though Penny was sleeping deeply soon after, Brad continued to lay awake. He really did believe he had sorted Jackson out for the most part and so in essence, he was not still awake because of what had happened earlier that night. What was rolling around in his mind was the question Penny had asked and so, Brad was lying there wondering if his little man was gay.

 

He knew with absolute certainty he was not and would not be concerned if Jackson came out as gay. What was bothering him was why he had chosen to lie to Penny; other than an innate need to protect Jackson. The truth was that for some years now, the thought had crossed his mind on numerous occasions that Jackson might be gay.

 

Sometimes Jackson would stare into his eyes with such intensity, he felt like the boy was in love with him. Then there were the inordinate amount of times he noticed Jackson gazing at his naked chest, his arms or his legs. It was easy to associate with a boy’s desire for a sculpted body but something told Brad there was more to it. He also could not forget the way Jackson used to hug him so tightly or even these days on occasion, when no one was around and something happened, Jackson would still wrap his arms around him, just like he used to.

 

The problem, as far as Brad was concerned, existed in the silent thoughts that sometimes he liked the idea that Jackson loved him. Maybe it was the idea of being a father or maybe it was about being such a needed friend but every now and then, Brad knew there was more to the idea because of the power of the feeling. It was so strong and he loved the way it felt and wanted it to be true.

 

Every time those thoughts happened, though, even though there was no sexual component involved, Brad pushed the thoughts away swiftly, due to the fact he associated that depth of love with sexual love. It seemed disturbingly wrong because Jackson was like his boy. He was a type of son to him but also, as strange as it sometimes seemed considering the age difference between them, he knew that Jackson was also a very special friend.

 

All of this late-night thinking incurred even deeper thoughts, the ones pushed so far back they needed a spotlight to be seen. They were thoughts that brought self-analysis, as he questioned if it were possible there could still be that hidden boy, who was not only locked in the past but also in the back of his mind.

 

“I was twelve and what happened with Michael was twelve years ago?”

 

Instantly, in a similar way to the way a scene of a film fades to black, this time growing out of the black, a memory grew into vivid colour. At a small beach house in Terrigal, on the Central Coast of New South Wales, a day on the beach turned into the most wonderful day for a twelve-year-old Brad. Meeting an unknown boy alone in sand dunes at the back of a beach, one day began a week together, as two boys found a closeness neither had known before.

 

Michael was a year older and slightly bigger than Brad in every way but as boys they were equally as handsome as each other. What was obvious to both boys was they were also of like mind. “Let’s eat,” “let’s run,” “let’s swim” or whatever, only excited agreement existed between the two and by the end of their first day together, they had not only decided but verbally agreed they were best friends.

 

Their second day together was even more intense than their first but as the day rolled on as two boys having fun in the sun, their conversations changed and became more serious, even if only serious for boys.

 

First thing on their third day, they walked along the rocky foundation of the coast, cliffs towering on one side and vast ocean on the other, only to lose complete track of time. Turning around and heading back, they arrived six hours later to angry yet relieved parents and after a serious verbal scolding and a promise it would never happen again, they went back to the beach and swam and dived and played, until a setting sun parted them resentfully.

 

The morning of the fourth day saw them riding bikes around the beach-side suburb, exploring and stopping to look at anything that caught their attention or held their curiosity. Back by midday as ordered by parents, after lunch, another afternoon drifted by as two boys in Speedos were willing to do anything regardless of excitement value, as long as they did it together.

 

By the fifth day they were like brothers with a silent, secret language of the eyes. One only had to look at the other suggestively and the other would nod agreeably, as if picking up that rock and catching that crab would generate an even greater closeness between them. They raced in private bodysurfing competitions from crest to shore but no matter what they did, Michael and Brad were both aware that something powerful existed between them. All they really knew of each other were their first names and ages but still, deep inside they shared an infinite knowledge of time and connection.

 

Their sixth day together was simply exceptional. Even though much of what they did during that unfurling day was the same as their previous days, at a certain moment in the afternoon, they found themselves back in the hot, glaring white, silent dunes, in the exact same spot where they had originally met. The high pitch of cicadas pierced the silence of their sand planet but in those moments on another world, it was like time stood still, except for them.

 

The sound of the ocean and waves, as well as the sound of nearby traffic and people, all of it had vanished behind the white walls of sand and Michael and Brad felt completely alone. Suddenly standing still and looking at each other, their tanned, smooth and muscled bodies were tense but their skin was crawling with sensual need. Both Speedos were tight with stretched and bulging desire and then with an action that seemed as overdue as it seemed inevitable, the tips of Michael’s fingers slid gently along Brad’s shining material, which now was stretching farther to placate what continued to grow beneath.

 

The breath that followed the husky sigh was hot as it rushed against Michael’s face and a moment later, both bodies were pressed together, the heat between them was like being surrounded by a wildfire and the essence of who they were was lost to their need for each other. The innocent kiss and taste of tongues, though inexperienced, only added to the grinding and to the crush of arms and the young fingers dragging on naked flesh.

 

Hands slid beneath Speedos and squeezed and stroked, as legs shook with desire and tried to maintain the strength and ability to stand. It was indeed another world and it was irrepressible in its captivity, as youthful, hungry bodies, as well as minds free of questions, accepted the nature of the self and only wanted more.

 

In the midst of that timelessness and as an entire world continued outside of the white walls of sand, one by one, both boys moved to their knees and tasted the only place where flesh could ever taste that way.

 

As they lay naked and entwined, breaking the silence, Michael brought voice back to life and said, “I feel like I’ve lived an entire life with you in six days. I think I’m in love with you, Brad.”

 

The words and meaning were wise beyond a thirteen-year-old’s comprehension but in a certain respect, nothing Michael would ever say would speak so much hidden truth.

 

“I’ve never felt like this before with anyone but I know I love you, Michael.”

 

Minutes later, the boys walked over the dune and onto the beach. They ran into the water, washing away the sand and everything else that was stuck to various parts of their bodies and then finally, they walked along the beach, talking in quiet whispers.

 

On the seventh day, the final day, Michael arrived to discover that Brad and his parents were gone. Neither boy had known Brad’s parents decided to head home early and in spite of Brad’s objections, without ever learning a last name, an address or a phone number; the two boys were severed without a single word and never saw each other again. Though Brad never allowed the knowledge of his broken heart to be known, for some months that followed, a quiet subdued a once confident and vital boy.

 

The memory faded to black, this time exactly like a movie and though Brad tried desperately to push the feelings away, it was simply too hard to do. He had not thought about Michael in years and suddenly Jackson had brought the memories back and made him relive the feelings. Returning to his original thoughts, Brad impressed rational thoughts into his consciousness.

 

“I’m a twenty-four-year-old man and he’s a ten-year-old boy. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I’m not sexually attracted to him and I’ve never thought about him that way. Hell, other than twelve years ago, I’ve never looked at another male like that since. Anyway, the thought of any adult having sex with a child; not only morally but literally is completely abhorrent to me and it’s just wrong. Still, I love how much he wants me in his life and needs me to be there for him. I also can’t deny I love having him in my life as well. It’s just so hard to grasp the nature of what the intensity of these feelings means?

 

“It’s all about emotions. He stirs mine up in a way not even Penny does. I feel worshiped, I feel adored and I feel like the most important person in the world. Half the time I want to pick him up and give him the hugs I denied him, just to thank him for loving me as much as he does.

 

“Why the fuck am I even questioning myself about this situation. It’s wrong and it’s insane and it has to have some psychological association with Michael.”

 

Turning and looking at Penny sleeping beside him, he knew he thought she was beautiful and sexy and his attraction to her was real. He knew he did not look at Jackson in that way, however, still he knew his heart continued to whisper at him, telling him something else, something more, was there.

 

In the end, just before he finally fell asleep, Brad said silently to himself; “You’re not gay, Jackson’s only ten and he’s probably not gay anyway. Stop thinking stupid thoughts that make no sense and that you don’t even agree with. Just go to fucking sleep.”

 

To be continued...