Chapter 3 

Toronto.

 

Within a month, Logan had forgotten all about the psychic, the predictions and also, though not completely, about the plaguing feeling associated with Aaron. Apart from anything, in between working and travelling, he was so trashed all the time from partying so hard, when something did happen, which could have been considered as indirectly associated, Logan made no connection to that day in London and neither did he recall Paul’s words. Irrespective, whether it was a non-associated event after six months or the first relevant event after nine months, still Logan did not remember the psychic’s predictions.

 

Throughout the following passage of time, always in some dark area of his mind, Logan maintained the delusional thought that Aaron was lying to him. It was an underlying self-deception, a way to deny the truth, all of which sat squarely within his memories of that seemingly ancient night. If the thoughts did return, which they occasionally did, he simply pushed them deeper with the silent words, “I’m not gay.” All of this continued regardless of the fact that he did not really believe or know for sure, if Aaron were gay.

 

It had also been quite a surprise for Logan to realise that as that boy of thirteen, he had never really obliterated the belief from his mind that he was gay. He may have been in denial but deep within his mind following that day in London, he was now aware that some profoundly hidden part of him had been revived. He felt a little like an emergency patient who had been resuscitated, after signing a do not resuscitate form. Regardless, it really, really bothered him and he was determined he would finish the job so that he would never feel those feelings again.

 

Logan focused all his attention on travelling, on the many people he met along the way and also, on the excess of wild nights, hot sex and bodily abuse so common to many men in their twenties. As a consequence it became easier to fundamentally erase Aaron from his mind.

 

After England, Logan went to Wales and then north to Scotland. He then flew west to Ireland, a place that he really loved. It was so contrasting and different from Australia and yet in some enigmatic way that he could not explain, he felt like he was in a new part of the country where he was born. He thought it had something to do with the people innately because in so many ways, they reminded him of the people back home. Regardless, every time he heard the thick, Irish accents, which often he could not even understand, it reminded him that he was nowhere near Australia and was instead on the other side of the globe.

 

There was something that made him constantly chuckle to himself while in Ireland. There was an attitude all around the world that Australians were all booze-guzzling drunkards. It was not true and really was an extreme generalisation, despite his party boy attitudes and actions confirming to people everywhere that perhaps it was true.

 

Logan knew that the same attitude was directed toward the Irish. He was not surprised when he realised they could definitely hold their own, if not drink some Australians under the table but in the same respect, he also met many clean-living, tea-totalling, Irish men and women, who just like many Australian men and women, proved the blanketing theory wrong.

 

Following three months respectively, in each of the four countries of the United Kingdom, once again it was time to move on. A year had vanished in a haze of pot and beer, surrounded by sex and random faces. He had been on the other side of the world for nearly three years and almost all of his time had been spent in Europe. Logan was considering that maybe now he would head down to Africa.

 

In the final week before flying out of Ireland, Logan remembered that a guy back in Scotland had told him one of the most beautiful cities in the world was Prague. He had suggested to Logan that if he wanted to see some amazing architecture, art and beautiful scenery, he should not pass up the opportunity while he was so close and capable.

 

The guy, whose name was Danny, had gotten just a little too friendly with Logan one night in a pub toilet in Dundee, in the west of Scotland. Logan met Danny in the pub and after striking up a conversation, they spent the entire evening and night drinking and talking. There was an instant connection between them and Logan felt they could easily become the best of friends. They had similar humour, similar interests and in less than a few hours spent together, they were finishing each other’s sentences.

 

Danny was an incredibly good-looking man and Logan thought his face was exotic. He discovered that Danny’s father was Indian and his mother was Scottish, giving him deep, dark eyes and golden-caramel skin. Danny had done some travelling in his time and so during that part of their conversation, the reference to Prague had come to be.

 

A poignant moment occurred on that night, as the Scottish beer in combination with Danny’s soft and easy way, relaxed Logan down to his soul. His usual, internal control softened and a rare vulnerability slipped free. It was like a solitary cloud passing aimlessly across a magnificent and flawless, sundrenched sky - the cloud, a conglomeration of feelings and thoughts, passing freely through the uncheck openness of his mind.

 

Logan was sitting opposite Danny at their table when Danny said, “I envy what you’re doing, Logan. The freedom that surrounds you is enticing. I want to share that freedom with you.”

 

“The world’s waiting for you if you want it, Danny. All you have to do is make the decision and then embrace what you want,” Logan replied.

 

“There’s a lot more to what I’m saying to you, Logan. I mean there’s so much more to what I want,” Danny said hesitantly.

 

“So what is it that you want?”

 

“I’d want to come with you and travel by your side. I barely know you in the scheme of things and yet, if you told me you wanted me to join you, I’d leave my life without a second thought and fly away with you in an instant. I just want to slide into your pocket and always be there wherever you go,” Danny said.

 

Logan gazed through drunken eyes at Danny. He silently questioned what he heard, despite being shocked by the revelation. At the same time, Logan felt enamoured. He knew he really liked Danny in a way that was beyond many of the people he had ever met in his life, however, those words, Danny’s words, made him feel to his core. Those feelings brought a silent knowledge of just how much he liked Danny.

 

Danny’s dark eyes were like liquid. They gazed into Logan’s eyes with an intensity that made him feel like he was melting. He thought if Danny physically touched him at that moment, he would dissolve. Some whispering part of Logan tried to explain it away as misinterpretation, however, instantly the untethered conglomeration of thoughts sailed across his mind and sent feelings throughout his body.

 

Beyond his control, Logan was that thirteen-year-old boy once again. For a millisecond he was in that bed and filled with uncompromising desire. This time, though, the naked back he was kissing was golden-caramel skin, as he exploded in his shorts. This time, the smooth skin and the body he was pressed to belonged not to Aaron but to Danny.

 

Logan looked at Danny’s lips and he wanted to feel them pressed to his. He felt his cock getting hard and a swirling, nervous hunger, knotting in his stomach. All the needful and sensual feelings he had felt with Aaron were suddenly there but then, somehow through the haze of attraction, hunger and need, the fourteen year old boy who had evolved one year later, screamed in denial in Logan’s mind.

 

The change was instant and Logan’s posture corrected. His glazed eyes cleared and the little muscles in his face firmed. He forced a gentle smile and said, “I’d like that, Danny. I think you’d be fun to travel with but it’s a little irrational what you’re suggesting and let’s face it, you’ve got your life and I’ve got mine.”

 

Danny saw and heard the change. The alteration of Logan’s demeanour was extreme and the sudden loss of emotional tone to his voice was abrupt. Regardless, as Danny looked at Logan’s handsome face, he knew he still wanted him and so he said, “Say the word, Logan.”

 

Logan looked at Danny with surprise but again his expression changed, as if none of the previous dialogue had even been spoken. He smiled and then said, “Time for another beer. It must be my shout,” he added, before he stood and walked to the bar alone.

 

Danny felt both disappointed and rejected but more so than the standard rejection received when trying to pick up some random guy. He knew there was something between them and he was certain it could be something good. He felt sure that Logan must have felt it as well, however, he knew the moment he turned his feelings into words, Logan had changed right before his eyes. Like most guys, Danny had been turned down before and even though there was something odd about the way Logan had switched off, Danny decided that Logan was just not interested.

 

Danny was smiling when Logan returned and he made no further remarks after that. The ease and comfort of unthreatening conversation filtered easily back into place. Quickly their drunken conversation and laughter merged into the cacophony of raucous patrons.

 

Another three hours drifted by, as they continued to sit and talk and laugh and drink. Danny knew he was smitten with Logan but he had decided to leave things well enough alone. Regressively however, as the final half hour before closing approached, he changed his mind, knowing he did not want to let Logan slip away.

 

Logan skolled the beer he was drinking and then stood up and went to use the toilet. He was the only man at the urinal and in fact, he was the only man in the toilets. As he stood there waiting for his flow to begin, suddenly Danny stepped up beside him. Logan glanced his way and acknowledged his presence before he returned his focus to what he was there to do. However, just as he was finishing up, Logan glanced over to discover Danny looking at him and smiling.

 

Logan looked at him with curiosity but almost instantly he saw in his peripheral vision, Danny stroking a rather sizable erection. Logan’s gaze dropped down to qualify the messages from his visual cortex, only to discover the information was correct. He looked back into Danny’s eyes but before he had the chance to react, Danny spoke first.

 

“Logan, I’m so damned hot for you and I really like you and I don’t want to let you go. I want to swallow your essence and I want you in my body. Come back to my place and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

 

Logan was stunned. He instantly remembered his thoughts and feelings from earlier in the evening. However, in the hours that had followed, Logan had shackled and buried those thoughts and feelings, back in the shadows where he still believed they belonged.

 

“Danny, mate, respectfully, put it away and save it for some man who would be interested in that sort of thing,” Logan said kindly but with all the seriousness he could manage.

 

Danny’s facial expression was immediately shocked and then he said, “Shit, Logan, I’m so sorry. I honestly thought you were gay. I must have misconstrued your friendliness. I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.”

 

“Danny, it’s cool but I tell you what. It’s already forgotten if you buy the last beer, mate.”

 

Danny had been sure he was right about Logan but now he felt embarrassed and in his subsequent confusion he looked at Logan, submitted, smiled and said, “Done!”

 

Irrespective of Logan’s blatant self-denial, by the end of the night and into the following day, he felt no guilt. He also saw no curiosity in that unexpected event and he certainly saw no sign of opportunity to lead him toward some destiny. He never saw Danny again after that night and so in his mind, it really did not matter. Only days later he was in Ireland.

 

As Logan was deciding where to go from Ireland, he remembered Danny’s suggestion and so twelve months after entering the United Kingdom, he was on his way to the Czech Republic.

 

A week later, with the psychic completely forgotten, with Aaron hardly considered and also his partying lifestyle consuming most of his time; Logan met a Canadian girl in Prague.

 

Sabrina was a truly sexy, young woman who was smart and confident with a sophisticated demeanour. They were hot for each other instantly and so after a one nighter of wild sex, they became very good friends. They were both working in the same nightclub and toward the end of Logan’s three-month stay, Sabrina told him she was going home to Toronto before the year was complete, where she would have her old job waiting for her in another club.

 

Sabrina assured Logan that if he were interested, she could easily get him a job in the nightclub as well. She told him she was on very friendly terms with the owner and her verbal reference would be all that was required to get him employed. Logan liked the idea and agreed to it flippantly but at the time he was still trying to decide where he would go to next.

 

A couple of weeks later, Sabrina explained she was ready to leave Prague. She told Logan she was going down to Cape Town and then doing some extended travelling around Africa and then finally, she was coming back up to Europe to finish off her travels in Paris. Spontaneously, Logan decided to travel with her and so nine months later, the two-year-old predictions long forgotten, he flew into Canada.

 

Several weeks into the new job, Logan started going out with Sabrina and their boss, a Turkish ex-pat named Aydin. However, on the first night of the job, Logan thought Aydin was very abrupt and difficult and he was not sure if he liked him. He thought this was surprising because during his travels in Turkey, he concluded they were an incredibly kind and friendly people.

 

The reason for the man’s outburst was because when Logan spoke to him, he pronounced his name Aden. Aydin yelled at Logan and said he was not British, American or Australian and that his name was not Aden or any form thereof. He then corrected Logan, telling him the pronunciation was I-din. He then stormed away and did not speak to Logan again that night.

 

Sabrina was not working on his first night and so though the job was simple enough and he completed his shift without any problems, he did feel very alone following what happened with Aydin.

 

The next night, Logan was told the moment he arrived at the club, Aydin wanted to see him in his office. Sabrina was not due in for another hour and Logan sighed, thinking he was going to be given his marching orders. Instead, a very apologetic man greeted him. Aydin begged for his forgiveness, explaining that he had received a very unpleasant phone call the night before, less than five minutes before Logan had approached him.

 

Logan thanked Aydin for the apology and when he apologised again, Logan said, “No worries, mate;” waving the occurrence off as if it had never happened. Aydin began to apologise again, even though his extreme reaction was unnecessary. He simply would not let the matter drop. He asked what he could do for Logan to make things better.

 

“Logan, what I did was unacceptable. I was upset and I took it out on you when I had absolutely no right to do so.”

 

“Aydin, we all have our moments at certain times and we all do things we shouldn’t do when our emotions get the better of us,” Logan replied.

 

“The difference is, Logan, our relationship is professional. I’m your boss and the only time, if at all, that I have any right to react to you the way I did, is if you damage my business in any way,” he said and then looked down regretfully.

 

Logan understood that the man was probably embarrassed but no matter how many times he told Aydin it was fine and forgotten, the man kept apologising. Eventually, Aydin got the message when Logan’s tone became frustrated with the relentless apologies and so finally, Aydin let it go. From that moment forward, Aydin treated Logan with the utmost respect and friendliness.

 

Later that night, when Logan explained to Sabrina what had happened, she said it was definitely unusual for Aydin to get angry or to lose his temper and she agreed that the phone call must have been something out of the ordinary. It was also during that conversation that Sabrina told Logan that Aydin was gay.

 

During the following week, Aydin began taking Logan and Sabrina out to dinner or to parties and he also became very protective of Logan. Within the next three weeks, whether it was while they were at the club or when they went out, Aydin’s protectiveness became more an attentiveness. He would appear unexpectedly beside or behind Logan and he would rest his hand on him and ask him if everything was okay.

 

Sabrina had begun to nudge Logan while grinning and when Aydin was not around, she would whisper to Logan that he had a secret boyfriend. Logan would just laugh and reply, “Fuckoff, bitch, your just jealous because I’ve pushed you out of the position of teacher’s pet.”

 

One random night, about a month after Logan had arrived and also after a very busy night, Aydin invited both Sabrina and Logan to come to his apartment for drinks. He lived upstairs above the club. By that point Logan was very comfortable with Aydin and so both he and Sabrina accepted the offer.

 

The apartment was decorated in Turkish designs with tapestries, cushions, low tables and rugs. They smoked some hashish, drank Cognac and got totally shit-faced until Sabrina passed out. Irrespective, Logan and Aydin continued talking and all the while Aydin kept the alcohol and hashish coming.

 

Aydin may have known he was attracted to Logan from the second night but over the past month, whenever he was with Logan, Aydin had become more certain that he could have him. He knew that Logan was straight and that Sabrina had told Logan he was gay and yet, Logan never stopped him from putting his arm around him or from casually stroking his hand down his back. He touched Logan constantly and sometimes Logan even leaned into the touch. Aydin was certain that if possible, tonight was going to be the night.

 

“So how long have you been away from Australia?”

 

Logan had to stop and think for a moment before he finally said, “Four years.”

 

“I’ve often considered going to Australia. It was my second choice after Canada when I left Turkey twenty years ago. I have family down there. I have a brother in Darwin, a cousin on the Gold Coast and I’ve also got a niece in Perth,” Aydin said.

 

“So why Canada?”

 

“I wanted to live in a place where no one knew me, at least back then. In those days I wasn’t as secure in my sexuality as I am these days,” Aydin explained.

 

“I only say this because I spent some time in Turkey but your English is fluent and you barely have an accent,” Logan commented.

 

“Good to know. I’ve worked hard to speak the way I do, both in the use of English and French. I’ve barely spoken Turkish in years, although, I can still turn my tongue to it if necessary.”

 

“As far as fluency is concerned, English is the only language I’m truly comfortable with. As for my stumbling with other languages, I suppose I do okay,” Logan said.

 

“I suspect, Logan, that your other attributes would get you by if you had any difficulty communicating.”

 

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Logan said.

 

“Your handsome face, your beautiful body and also your easy-going, enjoy life and make everyone laugh attributes. I mean you’re not what I would refer to as an average guy,” Aydin clarified.

 

“Um, wow, thanks for the compliments,” Logan said.

 

“Don’t tell me you don’t know how hot you are?”

 

“Shit, Aydin. Talk about make someone uncomfortable. I mean, yeah, sure I know I’m not too bad looking.”

 

“Logan, you’re far more than just not too bad. Sometimes, like tonight while we’ve been sitting here and talking, well, looking at your face and that desirable body, you make me want to go to Australia to see if I can find your gay twin.”

 

Logan chuckled but he also felt a warm feeling pass through his body. He did not blush because he was not embarrassed. He felt something, something that was less than overwhelmed but more than proud. He thought these remarks coming from a very handsome, older man who also happened to be gay, were not just complimentary remarks. Logan felt they were an appraisal, which somehow held greater importance or relevance than when some girl or woman flattered him. It was like the difference between his mother and Stephen Hawking telling him he was intelligent. One was a brilliant Theoretical Physicist, whose opinion would hold weight and mean something while the other, simply put, was a know-it-all bitch and would not mean it, if she even said it in the first place.

 

Logan lifted his gaze and he stared into Aydin’s eyes. The man was really looking at him or more specifically, looking into him, regarding him intensely. Logan felt the stiltedness of his breath as he inhaled and as he tried to pull his thoughts and feelings into some rational space, the only words that came to mind were thank you. Had Logan been sober, his reaction would have been completely different but the more uninhibited he became; the less he struggled with Aydin’s words.

 

Aydin eased off a little, at least temporarily. Still they continued to talk and laugh while lounging on the cushions. It was very subdued lighting, powerful incense was burning and before Logan truly comprehended what had been happening, he was well on the way to being seduced beyond his control, by a very masculine, attractive and experienced, gay man.

 

As they sat there talking, even though Logan knew that Aydin was gay, Aydin was suddenly being more obvious and then he started talking about how he loved giving hot guys blowjobs. His eyes were glued to Logan’s eyes, as his conversation became more sexual in nature.

 

Aydin was experienced in seducing straight, young men. He was not into boys but when it came to young men, particularly if they were straight, the word fetish could easily apply.

 

When the circumstances were conducive, such as they were that night with Logan, Aydin’s voice was deep yet soft, his words were enticing yet non-threatening and his compliments were indirectly directed with accuracy. His unexpected, brief touches were specific yet sensual and his shining grey eyes were hungry while uplifting.

 

Aydin did not know it and nor did Logan but Aydin was the victor even before he had begun. His role was what Logan needed and Logan’s altered state of consciousness had already dissolved what little of his inhibitions remained. Logan began to react restlessly but definitely not uncomfortably.

 

“It’s a curious thing, Logan.”

 

“What is?”

 

“That you should be attracted to women while I’m attracted to young men like you.”

 

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Logan replied, not knowing what else to say.

 

“I suppose I understand what you see in women, at least on some level. However, when I think about a beautiful, young man’s body like yours, well, a woman’s body doesn’t hold a candle to what I see,” Aydin said.

 

“I guess I can understand,” Logan replied.

 

“Can You? I mean can you really understand what I see? Let me try to explain. Of course I’ve never seen you naked but I have an accurate imagination from what I see when you’re clothed. I see your strong and solid frame and I know it’s covered in taut, smooth flesh while rippling and curved with hard muscle. I see your broad shoulders and your large chest, stretching your shirts and defining your spectacular shape. I see your big hands and arms and I imagine them holding me in position, as you sexually dominate me. Finally, of course, I constantly see your solid package, which I can’t help but see when I’m with you,” Aydin said.

 

Logan’s eyes had widened from the words that Aydin wanted him, however, before he had the chance to react, Aydin continued.

 

“Logan, think about how you look at women, then think about yourself and you should be able to consider how I must see you. I see an exceptional man with a magnificent body and when I look at you, I can’t help but imagine your heavy, rigid cock being available for me to pleasure. I may be gay but comparatively, in my mind, women have nothing to offer like you do and so for me, not a candle and not a flame to how much I desire you,” Aydin said.

 

Logan could not believe what his boss was saying to him. He also could not believe how much he loved it. He thought for sure that this must have been what Alexander the Great felt like, when men adored and wanted him. Logan looked at Aydin and he felt overwhelmed.

 

“I’m sure the way you feel about men is the same as the way I feel about women,” Logan replied softly and with uncertainty, feeling at the same time like a dam was bursting inside of him and also like he would be washed away in the subsequent, incomprehensible torrent.

 

“Logan, I really doubt it’s the same. I mean you, specifically you, you’re beautiful and powerful and a real man and as a true gift from whatever god may exist, you have been bestowed with your hard cock. I mean surely, like every man, there have been moments when you have looked proudly at your manhood and admired it for the satisfaction it can give. I simply couldn’t believe you don’t know that there are men like me, who want your hard, dripping sex in their mouth.”

 

Aydin paused just for a moment, as if he were considering his words and then he looked at Logan with a faux expression of realisation.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m probably embarrassing you by telling you how much I want to orally pleasure you at the moment. Unsettling you is the last thing I want to do,” Aydin said.

 

Aydin was not seeking anything other than sex but he laid his words as thick as treacle, as he tried to manipulate Logan into agreement.

 

“Aydin, I’m truly honoured that you see me the way you do and I want to thank you for being so honest and straight forward with me but I’m straight and therefore not interested,” Logan said.

 

In truth, the seduction heated Logan’s blood and it was a sweet stroking of his ego. He knew desire existed and was growing in intensity somewhere deep within him. Still, he tried desperately to push it away in denial.

 

Not one to admit defeat easily while also seeing the truth clearly beneath the subtle reactions of Logan’s façade, Aydin was determined. Changing his tone as if he were changing the subject, Aydin asked, “Tell me, Logan, are you like most men and do you love having your hard cock sliding in and out of someone’s mouth and rubbing against their hot and wet tongue?”

 

The picture in Logan’s mind was instant and as usual, the thought turned him on. Aydin’s previous complimentary words of seduction had already begun to make Logan hard but suddenly he was getting even harder.

 

“Yeah, of course,” he said confidently, although deep inside, a young and inexperienced, gay boy was the cause of the following embarrassed chuckle.

 

Aydin watched the material, as the growing hardness increased the bulge. He edged closer, so slowly, constantly giving the hashish and Cognac more time to work their magic. It was not just moments or seconds, Aydin would move slightly every couple of minutes and all the while he would talk, he would compliment and he would smile softly.

 

When the time arrived, their bodies were only millimetres apart and Aydin’s closest arm was already around Logan’s shoulders. Logan was completely relaxed and felt no threat and when Aydin’s hand came to rest on his chest and a finger began caressing a hard nipple through the silky material; all Logan felt through the chemical haze was a sense of nurturing, a sense of warmth.

 

Aydin let his fingers glide away from the nipple. He caressed across Logan’s chest and then down over his taut stomach. The fingers were large but the touch was soft. He continued down until his palm and fingers cupped around the bulge. He then began to rub the erection through the pants and Logan groaned almost immediately.

 

Logan suddenly thought of Sabrina but as he looked over at her, Aydin said, “It’s okay, Logan. Sabrina will be asleep for hours, she’s unconscious.”

 

Logan looked at Sabrina again but as he turned back to look at Aydin, the warm smile he received put him at ease and then once again he felt Aydin’s hand caressing his erection.

 

“Does that feel good?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Logan replied softly but made no attempt to stop Aydin’s advances.

 

“I like making you feel good, Logan. It also makes me feel good to feel how hard you are. I really wish I could make you feel even better. I wish you’d let me take your beautiful cock into my mouth.”

 

The words that came from Logan’s mouth were slow, stilted and filled with heavy breath when he said, “Aydin? Man, I’m straight. You gotta stop. What you’re doing feels great and I’d love someone’s lips and tongue on my cock but I’m straight and so they can’t be yours.”

 

Aydin asked manipulatively, “Logan, when you slide your hard cock into a mouth, do you honestly think about the gender of the mouth?”

 

The hunger in Logan’s half-closed and glazed eyes was obvious when he said, “No, of course not but…” he trailed off, as he found some logic in the question, which suggested it was okay to allow a man to service his need.

 

Aydin squeezed Logan’s erection, which was now a rock hard bulge in his pants. He then started stroking the length from tip to root. Logan adjusted his position for comfort, turning his body more toward Aydin and then he moaned. In no time at all, Logan was obviously ready to submit.

 

Aydin did not speak, question or offer, he just undid the button and slid down the zip. With a quiet and unthreatening softness, he undressed Logan. A moment later, as he caressed every naked inch of the strong, young and beautiful, male body, his mouth consumed and his tongue slid, massaged and caressed. Five minutes later, Logan was shuddering as his seed gushed forth into the mouth of an older man.

 

Despite his consistently reinforced denial and also the deep, whispering desires within, which Logan had long ago taught himself to ignore, still he was surprised by his capture and the absorbing nature of his pleasure and satisfaction. There was something more to it, something more with a man, something that made the women pale into insignificance. His only following thought was that he wanted more.

 

Minutes later they were both naked and hard and Aydin’s sensual caressing of Logan’s body, fuelled Logan’s need for more. There was silence between them for a long time and then finally Aydin said one thing; “Take me, Logan, take me and fill me with your glory.”

 

Logan touched the solidly built, man’s body and let his hands wander and caress the muscular frame. He held and squeezed and stroked the heavy, circumcised cock, noticing his own bouncing and throbbing in a type of agreement.

 

As they drew closer together in an embrace, unexpectedly Aydin’s mouth was beside Logan’s ear. Logan heard the whispers of guidance, telling him exactly what to do. In some unknown and unimportant matter of time, as time stopped in a silken moment of driven desire, Logan was hilting deeply into Aydin, drawing out and extending his penetration for as long as he possibly could.

 

Intermittently yet concurrently, as Logan’s rhythmic movements personified a violinists bow, Aydin would lift and hold the mouthpiece while Logan was toking on the hash-filled hookah pipe. Within this foreign world and yet such a wonderful, fantasy world, both Logan’s naked body and his rigid length of needful cock, shared in a climax that filled Logan with the relief of a dream come true. He exploded and his body rocked, as he clutched at the large, naked, male body, as he was driving and swirling his tongue deep into Aydin’s mouth.

 

By the end of part one of his first sojourn into gay sex, Logan knew that to top off his previous thoughts about being fellated by a man, he also absolutely loved penetrating a man.

 

The following day, within his guilty mind, Logan tried to blame his actions on the Cognac and hashish but a few nights later, he accepted an invitation from Aydin, just a little too easily and quickly, to go back upstairs and stay the night. This time he was sober and he enjoyed it even more.

 

By his own choice, Logan experimented with fellatio. Aydin’s erection drew him like a magnet and though initially hesitant about swallowing, he tried it, liked it and went back for seconds that same night. Not only did he blow Aydin twice but he penetrated him three times that night as well.

 

Logan realised on that second night, after the fact, how much he loved the raw power and the unabashed, carnal sexuality between two men, which he simply could not get with a woman. It was more aggressive, more assertive and more animalistic in its heated nature. It was so much more physical because of the strength of men. He loved it and he wanted more of it. Despite that knowledge, during the days, weeks and months to follow, his thoughts, feelings and actions would become a rollercoaster he did not know how to ride.

 

It never happened again with Aydin because superficially, he was a sex hungry, gay man and once he had gotten what he wanted, it was time to move on to greener pastures. Logan tried to dismiss his feelings and desires in the light of day, not in regard to Aydin because there were no real feelings there. The feelings he was trying to reject were in regard to the truth, which once again had been brought to light. For some time his mutiny succeeded, though barely. He knew the truth, how could he not? Still, he clung desperately to his denial.

 

After two years since London, Logan still had not remembered the psychic or what Paul had said. The experience with Aydin had brought the old memories and feelings for Aaron back into his mind; however, Logan soon began to delude himself, in his repetitive need to escape the truth. The thoughts he created suggested it was just an unbelievable situation that had occurred and one that shocked him because he liked it so much. It was a ridiculous and outright lie but still he could not embrace the truth. Logan became the epitome of the true nature of self-delusion in denial.

 

Logan did not have sex with another guy after Aydin. Though he denied it in his mind, still he knew he wanted to. He suddenly discovered the loss of desire to go out and to find and pick up women. For the first time in years, Logan was not on the prowl for pussy. Always in the back of his mind, though, was the desire to have the fleshy hardness of another man’s cock in his mouth.

 

In a way, it was like the little white angel on his left shoulder and the identical, though little red devil on his right shoulder. The silent voices raged in some deafening debate, with no rationally accepted answer to reach a conclusion.

 

Logan had difficulty dealing with the fact that he was suddenly looking at men and finding them attractive. Most of all, though, his extreme desires to have sex with guys that once upon a time he would not have even noticed, unsettled him to his core. He discovered himself looking at male bodies, his eyes being drawn to men’s faces and always to his denial’s irritation, wanting to see, feel and fellate their hard cocks. He did nothing about it but he always wanted to.

 

Yet another irony was that though he knew how to pick up women with ease, when it came to considering picking up a man, he told himself he had no idea how to do it. His confusion was laced with hypocrisy but he felt so confronted when he considered stepping outside of his comfort zone. Subsequently, Logan experienced attacks of anxiety if he even contemplated his desire. He knew he wanted it but told himself the choice was somehow wrong. Maybe it was psychology from Scott, the comatose boy, maybe it was outright fear or maybe it was just uncertainty but whatever the case; Logan remained temporarily asexual.

 

Following the first month and those two experiences with Aydin, Logan’s next two months in Canada passed by slowly. Sabrina had no idea what had happened but she was fully aware that something had changed where Logan was concerned. He still worked at the nightclub and in general he was still the same Logan, however, Sabrina was certain that something was going on.

 

Sabrina invited him to join her for coffee one night but when she broached the subject to discover what was wrong and try to help; Logan told her nothing was wrong and everything was perfectly fine. She knew he was lying or simply withholding but it really was none of her business, despite her good intentions and so she changed the subject.

 

Logan did a little sightseeing to escape his reality but basically he had become somewhat withdrawn. His usual party boy attitude was missing and so when he was not at the nightclub where he played his role to perfection, the rest of the time he was subdued.

 

For the first time, Logan was fundamentally pleased when his working visa was due to expire. He felt a desperate need to leave the country, as if it were about to break into a civil war.

 

Beginning to worry more about Logan, Sabrina spoke to Aydin to learn if he had any idea what was wrong. Initially, Aydin shrugged but when she told him she was truly worried, Aydin gave her a shaved variation of the truth and what had happened. Later, Sabrina was going to speak to Logan and try to support him in any way she could but whenever they were not working, Logan continued to disappear.

 

The solution Logan devised involved something he had not planned on at that particular time. However, considering his location and the short hop it would require, he called a guy he had met years previous on his travels. Logan asked if the offer still stood to stay with him for a few months and on receiving the answer he was hoping for, he knew he was ready to leave.

 

Two weeks later, Logan was thanking Sabrina for everything she had done for him, as they stood saying goodbye at Lester B Pearson International Airport. Sabrina hugged him, told him she really liked and cared about him and that he was always welcome to come back and stay with her. Just before she released him from her embrace, she whispered into his ear, “You’ll always be my friend no matter who you are.”

 

Logan looked at her curiously but nodded, not knowing what she was really saying and then he kissed her and walked away. When the plane left the ground and he flew out of Canada, Logan felt a sense of relief.

 

To be continued...