Chapter 31 

 

The most unlikely yet extraordinary week, the week that Nick would never forget, now belonged to his past. It was not just the week that was over; many more weeks had drifted by as well. In a way that differed from any other time in his life to this point, Nick felt like he knew who he was. It was not as if his life was suddenly perfect but he felt a sense that he had scaled and descended a mountain with his bare hands and now his path was level, smooth and certain.

 

It was that feeling of ease that changed things so dramatically. In the past, Nick’s life had either felt completely empty and void of meaning or it had felt stressful, difficult and like he was one man in a war against the world. Since that week though, as far as Nick’s big picture was concerned, everything seemed to have settled into a consistent routine. Things had continued to happen and events had continued to bring change but even so, he now experienced a silence in the noise and it made him feel like he belonged.

 

In accordance with the passage of time, so the cooler seasons had also made way for the rising temperatures of spring. The transition from winter to spring occurred as naturally as it always did, however, considering the out of the ordinary warm weather of autumn and winter, the new season began with little fanfare.

 

There was one event during the final week of winter, which caught Nick totally by surprise. Due to the fact that people’s lives and worlds intersect or collide whether by choice or chance, there was one random occurrence that no one could have seen coming, which included Nick’s father who was the one person other than Nick, most associated with what took place.

 

In San Diego, a month before Nick’s life altering week had even begun, Tim’s sister, Gail, as well as her husband Rafael, had reached a point in their lives when everything was about to change. Seven years prior they had met in the office of an accountancy firm. Rafael was an employee and Gail was applying for a new job, which she got. There was an instant attraction during their first encounter and they were soon to realize that being accountants was not all they had in common.

 

Six months later they were married. Now thirty-two and thirty-three respectively, accountancy had run its course as a career choice. Individually as well as a couple, the need for something different, something less repetitive and mind numbing, had become an imperative.

 

Following many conversations about how to alter their lives, some form of new business was the spearhead within their idea of a new life. There was one problem only and that was they had no idea what they wanted to do. They considered many types of businesses but it seemed that every consideration was met with a lack of enthusiasm.

 

What they did know was that they wanted something they could call their own, something they could manage and work together and also, something they could employ other people to share the load. The last thing they wanted was all work and no play. These were the requirements but the choice of business eluded them.

 

One night however, Gail was randomly looking around on the Internet and purely by chance she stumbled onto a business for sale in Michigan. She called Rafael to the computer immediately and showed him the plant nursery for sale.

 

Their plan had been to start something new, not buy something well established. This was nothing like anything they had thought about or discussed and additionally, it was something neither of them knew anything about. Further, it would require a complete upheaval because the business was practically in the centre of Detroit. It would not just involve a change of career; it would also mean a change of home and state.

 

Rafael turned and looked at Gail. She turned and looked up at him and she saw his eyes brighten and then the smile. Without a word spoken between them, they knew it was right.

 

Emails were sent the following day, phone calls were made over the next week and a week later they flew to Detroit for negotiations. A month later, with jobs quit, home on the market for sale and a house ready to rent in Dearborn, they moved to Detroit and settled in to begin their new life. Despite their usual pragmatic approach, with swift and instinctive reactions, they had thrown their dice into the air. They also told no one what they were doing. Gail had not even called her brother and it was all said and done before she decided to let Tim know.

 

The business was very well established having been started and run by a family over forty-five years before. A tragedy had befallen the family and so there were no other alternatives then to close or sell. Gail and Rafael spoke to all of the employees individually and none were let go. Initially there were the usual unsettled attitudes in the midst of change, particularly due to the new owner’s lack of knowledge, however, Gail and Rafael were easygoing people and the staff took to them relatively quickly. The transition from one owner to another was minimal and the couple took a hands-on approach while listening, learning and being open to new ideas.

 

When Gail finally sat down one Monday evening to call and tell her brother the news, Tim’s initial shocked reaction was not at all unexpected. He could not believe his sister and stepbrother had changed their whole life and moved halfway across the country. He was also somewhat miffed that she had not told him but as the details surfaced, Tim was soon smiling.

 

When Gail finally completed the story, Tim’s smiles of disbelief remained, as he told her he had been in Detroit at the same time. Like a tennis ball being hit back over the net, he then returned the shock with the mind-blowing news that he had a son and Gail was an aunt. It was one thing to discover she had an unknown nephew but it was another thing altogether, to learn she had recently moved to the state and city in which her nephew lived. In a way, Gail felt like Detroit was part of her fate.

 

On the same night of the call, at Gail’s request, Nick received an unexpected phone call from his father, telling him to expect a phone call and a visit from his aunt and uncle. It was good news to Nick because he thought any addition to his family was a welcome surprise. A few nights later, Billy cooked up a feast and he and Nick met and got to know two people who instantly became both friends and family. There was no dismissing they were family and nor did they want to but because Gail and Rafael were young at heart and only six years separated them from Nick, things just seemed to go that way.

 

Before the first month of spring was over, Nick was now firmly entrenched in his new relationship with Billy. In a similar manner to the weather, Nick and Billy’s relationship was wonderful and was bathing in love and sex. They gave little thought or concern to the fact that almost all of their free time was being spent alone together. They barely saw anyone outside of work and were so happy in each other’s company or in bed, nothing out of the ordinary was taking place.

 

Though Billy was comfortable in social circumstances, he did not need or desire clubs, parties or huge groups of people to validate his place in the world. He was not a party boy and ideally thought that apart from a partner, a close group of good friends was all he really needed. In addition, now that he and Nick were committed and their perspective was for the long-term, his ideal seemed even more realistic.

 

Nick, though for different reasons, was exactly the same. Even though he was beginning to discover his true self and adjusting to the notion of opening up to people, while also embracing the changes that came with his new life; he was always going to be a man who required little more than a simple existence. A partner, some good friends and family, with the necessities of money and a roof over his head; these were the extent of his dreams and requirements.

 

As a consequence of their new lifestyle from being together, it was not particularly surprising that they were consumed by their love, their passion and the solitude of their home. As with most people, love’s early days saw Nick and Billy obsessively passionate and sexual, consistently drawn to each other like magnets.

 

The need so many people have to be social, to go out often and be in the thick of other people in some type of activity, extracurricular or otherwise, was simply not a part of either man’s psyche. They were perfectly happy just spending time together, talking, watching movies or whatever took their fancy at any given moment, at least on the rare occasions they were not wrapped around each other’s naked bodies.

 

Regardless of how much they both loved their jobs, each day since becoming a couple, they would complain that work was an enemy that tore them from each other’s arms. They did not want to be apart and therefore any circumstance that interfered with being together was frowned upon. Despite their irritation, both men considered work as imperative as well as enjoyable. However, Billy’s shifts at the restaurant once again returned to night shifts and while Nick continued to work during the days, being separated for fifteen hours between getting up and going to bed, most definitely was not something either man was particularly happy about.

 

Where interacting with other people was concerned, initially Nick and Billy only saw Eric and Michelle but even the regularity of catching up with them was limited. When Gail and Rafael came into the picture, they were too busy with a new business and a new life and so they barely had time to see Nick and Billy often. There was no one else locally that the men were friends with and subsequently, seeing or socializing with people was not something that was a simple choice. It was not a matter of great concern because they were so wrapped up in each other that a lack of people seemed almost a blessing in disguise.

 

Technology was the only influence outside of Eric and Michelle, which negated the men from being completely detached from a social life. Not only had Billy returned to speaking with Honey several nights a week but also, Nick was now doing the same thing with his father. During the course of these conversations, the phones were being passed around and Ann and Jordan were taking part in the calls as well. Sometimes by the time everyone had spoken, hours could disappear in the blink of an eye.

 

It was during the first month of spring and the associative phone calls to Cleveland, when Honey informed Billy that Ann had accepted the new position at University Hospital in Ann Arbor. She explained that a large change was on the way for them, as they began to prepare for the move to Michigan. For Ann it was a matter of giving notice to the Cleveland Clinic but not wanting to leave them in the lurch, she told them she would remain until they found someone to replace her. This worked out well because it gave Honey time to request a transfer between branches of the First National Bank of America. They were not exactly certain when everything would fall into place but they seemed positive and hoped they would be settled before spring’s end.

 

Technology became influential in another way as well. Often when Billy was not in Nick’s arms, Nick became acutely aware of Billy sitting with his little laptop computer and tapping or clicking away. It made Nick feel the old feelings of segregation and ignorance. It also brought to mind the recollection of Eric telling him he should get a search engine. Nick had no idea what a search engine was and so slowly but consistently while attempting to look disinterested, Nick would sit beside Billy under the guise of reading a magazine.

 

Billy caught on quickly and soon he was teaching Nick the fundamentals of using a computer. Billy was surprised by the limited amount of frustration he witnessed from Nick, as the man seemed to pick everything up with relative ease and also very quickly. Once Nick knew what he was doing, Billy then introduced him to the Internet and what was available to an average user. This led to Skype and Email and soon Nick was at ease on the net. In fact, only days after he began to feel comfortable in the virtual world, Nick purchased the largest Mac desktop he could get and soon the face of his father or his friends were life size living images he could speak to.

 

By the beginning of the second month of spring, other people were beginning to enter into Nick and Billy’s world. Eric had spoken to Nick about James and explained that despite giving his word that he would not tell a soul about Nick, he actually had. Due to the fact that Nick had changed so much, Eric had expected a forgiving reaction but he was still relieved that Nick was not upset or disappointed with him. Nick understood the reasons and dismissed it matter-of-factly. He was more interested in the knowledge that one of his teammates was gay as well.

 

As a consequence, Nick initiated a contact with James one night. After a long, open and honest conversation, as well as a request of Billy, the following weekend Billy was cooking again and James and Krace came over for dinner. Though they were four very different kinds of people, they really liked each other and within the weeks that followed they became good friends.

 

Meanwhile, now that Jack was gone from Katie’s life, her old friendship with Michelle had been revitalized and they were renewing that something between friends, which can be lost when a specific partner does not fit into a group mix. Additionally, Michelle’s introduction of Tyler to Katie had been a blessing for him as well as her. The attraction and connection had been instant and they were now in a relationship. Only two weeks after they had met and spent every following night or day together, Tyler had moved into Katie’s new apartment and now they were spending a lot of time with Eric and Michelle. Subsequently, this brought them together with Nick and Billy as well.

 

Oddly, though the three months of spring had begun with a type of quiet routine, the end of spring would see in retrospect, many changes had actually occurred and some even bigger changes were on the way. Most of the alterations outside of the mundane were welcomed with open arms but there were some occurrences that were difficult, if not viewed with hesitation and doubt.

 

Billy’s shifts changed back to day shifts and that made things more suitable for the relationship. He also received the expected call from Rowan Kent the week after his first visit and so, consistently throughout all of the following time, he had been visiting Bobby once a week. Bobby’s recovery was very slow going and he had not broached any of the issues he wanted and needed to discuss with Billy. The good thing, though, saw their time together returning to sincere and brotherly. Often Bobby was nostalgic as their connection returned and sometimes Bobby would recall childhood moments and they would laugh. Soon a smile was always available the moment Billy arrived and after only the third visit, Bobby stopped Billy before he left his room and hugged him for a very long time. He said nothing but the gesture spoke volumes and Billy thought it was a good sign.

 

One night when Nick and Billy were sitting in the living room, their Beagle walked out of the kitchen and scampered toward them. As it did, Billy looked at it and said, “Shit Nick, look how quick he is growing and look how solid and muscular he is. I think he has your genes.”

 

Nick laughed but was in complete agreement and then Billy said, “That’s it. Why don’t we call him Muscles?”

 

The dogs had been purchased when they were eight weeks old and so now that another two and a half months had flown by, Billy leaned forward and picked up the Beagle temporarily named Pup, which was looking much more like a dog now that it was five and a half months of age. He ran his hands along the sides of its body, felt its thick neck and then flipped it over and looked at its strong legs. “He’s going to be a tough dog,” he said.

 

Nick asked, “Isn’t that a strange name for a dog?”

 

“People call their pets all types of names and let’s face it, some people call their children odd names as well, so I don’t think Muscles is particularly weird for a dog with prominent muscles,” Billy explained.

 

“Well, we’ve been calling him Pup for months but if you think it’s okay and you’re happy then I’m happy. I was starting to worry he would never have a name,” Nick said.

 

“You sure you’re okay with it, Nick?”

 

“Muscles it is and I’m a proud father,” Nick replied and smiled.

 

“Give daddy a kiss, Muscles,” Billy said and popped the dog on Nick’s chest. Muscles licked Nick’s chin immediately and they laughed.

 

With another season coming to its conclusion, there were now six new people in Nick and Billy’s lives and they all lived in the surrounds of Detroit. Nick and Billy were still fucking like rabbits but they were now stepping out more frequently and happily socializing with a more diverse group of people. It was even better because when Billy suggested the whole crew should go out one night and everyone agreed, from Eric to Gail and from Krace to Katie, a new yet diverse network of friends was created.

 

Two other things of a personal nature also happened during that season. Billy was now Assistant Chef at Escargot and Bobby’s personality was becoming constant and in a good way, more predictable. Aside from those two changes there were no problems at home, at work or in life and everything was traveling smoothly. Time continued to slide on by and both Nick and Billy thought things could not get any better.

 

One Friday afternoon following both Nick and Billy arriving home, a call came in from Rowan Kent. There was no problem at the hospital but the point of the call brought an issue to light that neither man had considered. According to Rowan, during their last session, Bobby had requested of him that he call Billy. Bobby wanted Billy to ask Nick if he would be willing to come and see him. Billy’s initial response to Rowan was happiness and agreement; however, he still felt a degree of uncertainty of how Nick would react to the request after the call.

 

Billy had noticed that every time he raised the subject of Bobby, even though Nick would listen to whatever he had to say, Nick seemed reticent to converse on the matter. This time, though, when Billy told Nick about the call, Nick’s reaction was very quiet and disconnected.

 

Billy explained that Bobby had been a patient for nearly three months and he was well on the way to recovery but all he received from Nick in response was a nod. He sat down beside Nick and finally asked him what the problem was. Following some prompting, Nick told him he wasn’t sure if he could be friendly with a man who could do the things he had done. Billy explained he was a different man and in a very different state of mind and so eventually, despite his apprehension, Nick agreed.

 

Immediately following that agreement, Nick was not happy when Billy said he had already told Rowan they would visit the following day. He looked into Billy’s eyes and seeing the need that filled them, he took a deep breath and nodded he was willing.

 

The following morning at the hospital, Rowan threw another spanner into the works when while sitting in his office; he told them that Bobby wanted to speak to Nick in private. Nick almost took a bite out of his tongue but he knew how important it was to Billy and so once again he agreed.

 

Bobby did not look like the man Nick had seen on that disturbing night. His hair was now an uncut, long and shaggy mess. His eyes were discolored from all the sleep and medication and the hard body appeared like it had lost weight as well as its definition.

 

When Nick walked into the room alone, he was confronted by a look of hesitancy and uncertainty. Bobby seemed nervous and Nick had not expected that reaction, following the man he had originally confronted. Nick closed the door and stood still, staring at Bobby apprehensively. Bobby finally spoke to break the silence.

 

Bobby said, “Please, I know this isn’t easy but would you sit down?”

 

Nick stared at him, feeling like he should move but feeling like his feet were stuck to the floor. He realized he was not breathing and knew it was because anger was rising in him. He pushed it away, inhaled deeply and then he crossed the room and sat in the chair opposite Billy’s brother. Once he had made himself comfortable, he lifted his eyes and looked into Bobby’s.

 

“I’m sorry,” Bobby began.

 

Nick asked curtly, “Is that it?”

 

“Not at all. I know you probably don’t understand and can’t understand what happened or what I did. I know that as a consequence you don’t want to see me or know me and I would feel the same if our positions were reversed. However, two weeks ago Billy told me he told you everything I had done. He also told me he explained to you in detail what happened on the night when you first saw me. I can only imagine what you must think of me and how much you must hate me. I also can only guess what it took for you to agree to see me or to even come here today. The thing is, Billy has also explained to me that you’re his partner and how important you are to him. It’s because of Billy that I wanted to meet with you and talk to you,” Bobby said.

 

“It sounds to me like Billy is doing a lot of talking to you, when in fact, you are the one who should be doing the talking to him. Every time he comes home from visiting you, Billy tells me you’ve still told him nothing of relevance to his understanding what happened to you or why you did the things you did. Though I’m yet to understand why Billy loves you, other than to believe he’s living in the past of what the two of you were like as boys; I suspect he puts up with your silence because he’s a decent, sweet and patient guy. However, suddenly you want to meet with me. I don’t understand the purpose of this request and I certainly see no point to it. I’m wondering what sort of game you’re playing?”

 

Nick knew his final statement was based on his struggle to understand that the human mind could do what Bobby’s had supposedly done. He did not deny it but without previous experience, it seemed very strange to him. Without considering it rationally, he often wondered if Bobby was bullshitting for some reason. There was nothing about Bobby’s previous actions that Nick could relate to and so Nick was being influenced by his anger and lack of trust. He was not afraid for himself, he was afraid for Billy.

 

Bobby’s whole body had stiffened and his face was tense from Nick’s aggressive voice and obvious frustration. Even so, Bobby was thinking clearly and he knew he understood what was a perfectly natural reaction. Rowan had told him not to be surprised by such a reaction and so Bobby told himself to maintain his calm and then he continued.

 

Bobby asked as politely as possible, “May I call you Nick?”

 

“It’s my name,” Nick replied gruffly.

 

“Nick, I’ve already reached a point where I’m ready to open up to Billy and to explain everything to him. None of what I have to tell him will ever be an acceptable reason for my actions but I promise you it will be the truth. The point of this request to meet with you, is because Billy has been talking about being here to support me when I’m released from the hospital. I think I’ve caused enough problems for him, while obviously from your reaction, for you as well. Billy has suggested I stay with the two of you but he’s also told me he hasn’t discussed it with you. That’s not fair on you and no matter what the circumstances, you have a right to know about something that would impact upon your life as well as his.

 

“I know how fortunate I am and I’m so honored to have such a loyal brother after what I did to him but I cannot and will not allow him to set himself up for problems with you because of me. I told him to speak with you but when I asked him if he had, he told me he hadn’t. He says he’s going to but I get the feeling he’s worried how you’ll react. Again I wouldn’t blame you for a negative reaction. I really don’t want to be a further problem for either of you,” Bobby said and then he felt relief that he had said all that he had wanted to say. He was about to conclude their meeting when he saw the look in Nick’s eyes.

 

Nick was staring at Bobby and though he heard every word he said, still the elephant was in the room and he could not dispel it from his mind. It was like a bad taste in his mouth and even though he could hear Rowan’s words telling him not to broach points of contention, it rose from his chest like vomit and shot from his mouth like venom.

 

Nick spat with acidic intent, “How could you do it to him?”

 

Bobby looked at him, not at all prepared for the big question. He had in fact thought he had said what needed to be said and their meeting was about to be over.

 

“That’s the answer I need to give to Billy,” Bobby replied.

 

Nick asked aggressively as he shook his head with contempt, “You know what? Billy has talked to me about you like you were his childhood hero. He’s told me you were the most important person in his life and that you would do anything for him or to protect him. Then, from out of nowhere, you started attacking him without rhyme or reason. Do you even know how gutted he was by the loss of your relationship? Do you even grasp what you replaced that relationship with? It was absolute fear and terror of the one person he needed more than anyone. As for what you did on that night? Let me tell you that you cannot imagine how for days a healthy and happy young man, could be reduced to a quivering mess every time he saw a knife. How could you do it? To Billy of all people?”

 

Bobby’s mind held its control despite the streams of tears sliding down his cheeks from the overwhelming guilt. He made no noise as he cried but it was obvious Nick had broken his heart with a truth he had never considered. He held no resentment toward Nick because he knew the words, the questions and the sentiment were rightly justified and so he tried to calm himself in the way Rowan was teaching him.

 

Nick looked at the effect he had on Bobby and so he said, “I’m sorry. Your doctor told me not to do this but Billy is my world or at least an enormous part of it and I just can’t understand.”

 

“I know, I know and though you won’t understand this either, it’s hard for me to fathom what I did to him. I just couldn’t control myself. Something had happened to me that I didn’t know how to deal with. At the same time I could see that Billy was going to be everything I wanted to be but was too terrified to admit to. His strength and his character and his confidence, they were daggers to my soul as I continued to shatter like glass. I was so afraid of letting myself be what I wanted to be and knew that I already was.”

 

Nick looked up abruptly as clarity hit his mind. His eyes drilled into the crying eyes looking back. A single thought went through his mind, a recollection of what he had thought the night Billy told him the story. The recollection now told him he had been right in the only assumption he could come up with that made sense to him about Bobby. Additionally, some of what Bobby had just said touched him very close to home.

 

“You’re gay, aren’t you, Bobby?”

 

“Yeah, I am,” he replied, knowing it wasn’t too difficult an assumption for Nick to make following what he had just said.

 

Nick asked, “Dean was your boyfriend, wasn’t he?”

 

Bobby’s eyes opened wide and his mouth fell open in complete shock but still he nodded yes.

 

Nick said, “When Dean left and vanished from your life, it was like someone turned off all the lights and obliterated the sun and the moon, wasn’t it?”

 

Bobby was stunned to his core and he could not understand how this man could have this knowledge or know his feelings so accurately. He had never told a soul other than Rowan Kent. He did not believe it could be true but still he wondered if Rowan had betrayed his confidence. The thought, the memory and the pain of Dean even after a decade, stung deep but yet again with Rowan’s techniques, he was able to maintain control. He was crying heavier tears but he looked at Nick and with the stilted mix of a breath and words he said, “Yes. That was exactly how I felt but how could you possibly know?”

 

“Let’s just say I get the picture,” Nick said as he felt the ancient ache while seeing the picture of Dan in his mind. “Look, I still don’t really get the path you took but if there’s one conclusion I’ve come to about this life, it’s that it’s chaotic and random and with that knowledge I guess I have something that gives me some semblance of understanding. I don’t know how the human mind works or how yours could do what it supposedly did but I suppose, if for no other reason than because I love Billy with my heart and soul, I should give you the chance he wants me to.”

 

Bobby was still sad and crying but his blue eyes brightened and he felt a smile inside, which he could not express on his face. He looked at Nick in disbelief and said, “Thank you, Nick.”

 

“One thing, though, Bobby. If you do anything to hurt Billy or anyone else ever again, I will turn off your lights and your sun and your moon permanently. Do we understand each other?”

 

“We do,” Bobby said while he nodded.

 

“Good, then listen to me. If it is Billy’s desire that you stay with us whenever you get out of here, then as far as I’m concerned you can stay for as long as you need to. However, this conversation did not take place and Billy is the first you tell. You can explain everything to him and he can explain it to me but you make sure you tell him everything because he needs to know and he needs you back in his life. He needs the decent brother he once knew. As far as why you wanted to speak to me? Be honest and stick with what you wanted to tell me and just say I said I would be in agreement with whatever Billy decides,” Nick said.

 

“Okay and you have my word, Nick,” Bobby replied.

 

Nick looked around the room and he saw a box of tissues on a distant shelf. He stood, walked over and picked it up before bringing it back and handing the box to Bobby. “Clean your face up before Billy comes in,” he said and after several more minutes together, Nick stood up and left the room.

 

To be continued...