Chapter 25 

 

Thursday morning had been a good morning overall. Actually, Nick thought that comparatively to most other mornings in his life, it had been unique. It was relaxing and peaceful. Apart from an unexpected phone call and a subsequent visit, Nick and Billy had sat around together, occasionally canoodling, talking about whatever came to mind and they had also watched a movie on DVD.

 

At first light, the blowjob had been great for both men but it had not and could not evolve into anything more. The kisses and the holding that followed were definitely passionate and the stroking of erections only added to the well-stoked fire that burned at a constant heat. It could have continued for a long time to come but eventually Nick rose from the bed and went to make their morning coffee.

 

It was around one o’clock in the afternoon when Ann had called to say that Honey had been released from the hospital and they were on their way over. Billy was so pleased that Honey was okay and he was also excited to see her. He walked into the bathroom shortly after the call because Nick suggested they get dressed before the women arrived.

 

Billy stood in front of the mirror examining his appearance. He had always thought he was an okay looking guy but he did not see himself as handsome like Nick said he was. In his mind he was just an average guy. Additionally, Nick was such an incredibly hot man that Billy was now wondering if he was good enough to keep Nick in his life. He also was not particularly impressed with his reflection now that his injuries were added to the equation. He knew that sometimes he must appear vain to Nick but he thought that unlike Nick, he could not dive into a trough of pig slop and then come out looking like the latest super model.

 

Walking in minutes later, Nick appeared in the doorway and was immediately aware of the expression on Billy’s face and so he asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, Nick.”

 

“Bullshit,” Nick replied.

 

Billy looked up at the reflection of Nick standing off to the side but behind him. “Damn he’s beautiful,” he thought but then he thought that everything about Nick only added to his feelings that he was not attractive enough or good enough.

 

“I have to get dressed but I wanted to see how I looked,” Billy said.

 

“Billy, your black eyes are almost healed and there is hardly any bruising left on your face. The swelling of your lip is gone and there is just a slight residue of dried blood where the split is healing. It’s just a small scab. As for your chest, you know when I changed the dressing this morning, even that big, ugly bruise is now more about patchiness. This is only day two and you’re already showing great signs that you’re on your way back to normal. You’re a fast healer like me. You look fine.”

 

“I look ugly,” Billy said.

 

“Only a little ugly,” Nick said, hiding his grin.

 

“Nick?” Billy chided.

 

“Billy, I’m kidding. You look fine. Anyway, I would think that you shouldn’t be worried about what two lesbian women think about how you look. The only person that you should care about when it comes to how you look is the man who wants your cute, little body. When you meet him I’m sure you’ll be completely healed by then so I wouldn’t be worrying about it now.”

 

“I’ll know him when I meet him because he’ll be kind and thoughtful with nothing bad to say about his boyfriend.”

 

Nick said, “You mean he’ll constantly feed your ego with compliments?”

 

“You, Nick, are an asshole.”

 

Nick walked up behind him and as the front of his body pressed against the back of Billy’s, his arms wrapped around his waist. Nick’s lips pressed against the side of Billy’s neck warmly. It seemed to be becoming one of Nick’s favored things to do when he embraced Billy. It also seemed to drive Billy nuts; his head falling to the side to give Nick all the room he wanted.

 

“You already have a boyfriend Billy and he thinks the world of you. You look great to me and I would think that Honey would probably be more worried about how she looks then how you do. Now come on, let’s get some briefs and shorts on you. I’m sure your lady friends won’t want to look at – Jesus, Billy,” Nick said as he looked down and saw the raging erection.

 

“It’s your fault, Nick. It’s bad enough when you hold me, it’s worse when your lips are on my neck but Nick, the slab that is pressing between my butt cheeks sends me over the top.”

 

Nick’s hand instantly moved down and curled around Billy’s erection. He began to stroke immediately but there was no softness or sensuousness about it. He knew Honey and Ann would be there soon and they did not have time for something drawn out. His rhythm was at mach ten in seconds and he was rubbing his own erection up and down the crack of Billy’s ass, as his right hand held Billy tight to him.

 

“Aw, damn,” Billy said.

 

Nick moaned as he intensified and then once again his lips moved to Billy’s neck. They were watching themselves in the mirror; the moving picture of a naked giant wrapped around a smaller, naked man. Large and small in every way, consuming and consumed, touching and touched and then suddenly Billy began to groan and sigh. As his body stiffened moments before release, Nick also lost control, his desires rising fast within merged bodies and merged feelings. As Billy sprayed the mirror, the basin and the surface of the vanity cabinet, Nick painted Billy’s back and his own stomach while he also turned Billy’s crack into a swollen, pearl colored river.

 

Both men grunted and groaned as their bodies pulsed and vibrated against each other until in silence with eyes closed, they stood still, breathing heavily and waited for the moment of return. Rasped words flayed the silence almost in a whisper. There were only three words and they came from Billy’s mouth. They were words of truth and words of passion and they filled Nick’s heart and chest to capacity.

 

“I love you!”

 

Nick brought his hand, which held Billy’s body tightly, up to Billy’s face and he turned it. His lips then moved to Billy’s lips and another heated kiss had been initiated. How he wanted it to continue and how it made him want so much more but he knew time and injury was not on their side.

 

“You know, Nick” Billy said as Nick cleaned him up afterward, “ I noticed something just then as you molested me against my will.”

 

Nick snorted in amusement before he asked, “What would that be?”

 

“You were right and I am healing quickly and though I couldn’t lie on my back or my belly with a man on top of me and I couldn’t bend or stretch my body to any major degree, if I met my new boyfriend you were talking about earlier and he took me from behind while I was naked and standing up, whomever he was going to be, he could make love to me and slide his generous cock deep into my body without hurting me.”

 

Nick stopped abruptly and his eyes flicked upwards. This was definitely something he liked the sound of. He stood up and began to clean Billy’s ejaculation from the surfaces of glass, porcelain and cheap, modern day plastic. As he rinsed the cloth and repeated, the thought of Billy’s realization and suggestion was more than he could have hoped for. He wished selfishly that Honey and Ann were not on their way because he knew if they were not soon to arrive, he and Billy would not be about to leave the bathroom and certainly not anytime within the next hour or so.

 

“Well Billy, it’s a shame you don’t have a boyfriend who wants to deal with all of your limitations,” Nick joked.

 

“Perhaps Nick, you could be my test dummy and we could discover after Honey and Ann have gone, if my theory is correct?”

 

“Sexual, I am Billy but desperate, I’m not.”

 

“I can see you’re becoming more relaxed with me each day, Nick, which is good. I can also see you’re becoming freer with the way you speak. You’re getting better at word play and I don’t particularly like it.”

 

“Come on lover boy, let’s go get you suitably attired for the arrival of your friends,” Nick said.

 

“Our friends,” Billy corrected and Nick smiled.

 

Afterwards, while Nick was in the kitchen, Billy, now much more physically at ease as time continued to pass, rose up from the couch and walked almost comfortably to the front door. He took a deep breath and opened it and a warm smile crossed his face, as he looked at Honey. Ann stood next to her grinning knowingly but no one moved or said a word for a few moments.

 

Honey finally said, “What? No bull in a china shop hug, Billy?”

 

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he replied.

 

“Leaving us standing on the landing is not helping your case,” Honey said.

 

Billy took a step back and ushered for the women to enter. Honey gave him a gentle peck on the cheek as she passed by and immediately walked to the couch. Ann stepped in behind her and gave Billy a soft hug and a kiss also, following Honey to the couch moments later. Billy closed the door and then joined them, though he sat alone on one of the single seat lounge chairs. After he was comfortable he looked at Honey, her bruised face nowhere near as healed as his own. She looked back at him but still she said nothing as she let him stew in his guilt, which Ann had already told her about. When Billy let his head drop and he stared at his lap, a small smile crossed Honey’s face. It was friendly, not nasty and she already knew what she had in mind. Ann glanced at her and silently gave her a “stop being a bitch” look.

 

“So Billy, do you have any other family that want to put me in hospital?”

 

“Honey,” Ann chastised. “Never feed the lioness,” she added quietly.

 

Billy looked up at her, his face filled with guilt. “I’m so sorry,” he said.

 

“Well that’s helpful. I’m healing faster as we speak, as a consequence of your apology. However, next time your jealousy of my superior cooking gets out of hand, maybe you could take a course instead of hiring someone to kill me,” Honey said.

 

Billy automatically smirked as his chef’s ego was engaged. Instinctively he fell back into the ease and naturalness of their relationship and replied, “Honey, the day you even reach a third of the capacity toward achieving my status in a kitchen, it will be because I have died and there is no one to challenge you.”

 

“Well we can only hope that day comes soon Billy because your ego is like a black hole swallowing everything in the universe. Honestly, it’s a wonder we’re all not suffocating as you suck the air from the atmosphere.”

 

Billy began to laugh but as he looked at her, he noticed the bruising again and his expression changed. He realized she had manipulated him away from his feelings of guilt and she had done so without him even being aware of it. The sound of applause came from the kitchen doorway and filled the room. All three turned and looked to see Nick leaning against the doorframe with a look of amazement.

 

“Hello Honey, I’m Nick. I’m pleased to finally meet you and that was one hell of a display.”

 

Honey smirked but it turned into a large smile. “Hi Nick. It’s good to meet you too. All in a days work,” she said light-heartedly.

 

“I might have to get you to give me a few tips? Hi Ann,” he then said as he turned his attention to her.

 

Ann said, “Hi Nick. How are you?”

 

“Good, Ann and you? Did you catch up on some sleep? You’re looking rested.”

 

“Forcibly,” Ann said with a smile and then turned and looked at Honey and glared at her.

 

Billy said, “I really am sorry, Honey,”

 

“Billy, it wasn’t your fault. Your brother is an ass and you had nothing to do with his choices. Everything is okay and we all need to move on and get on with our lives. I know you love to be the centre of attention but feigning guilt to make me think highly of you his not going to work. You’re a Kentucky redneck and no amount of evolution will make you an equal in this room, so I suggest you accept your multitudes of limitations, sit back quietly and say as little as possible and leave the grown-ups to intelligent conversations.”

 

Billy was so stunned by the statement that his mouth fell opened. Honey had never stumped him but he just had not been expecting what she said. His face looked like someone who had just seen a German Sheppard in a top hat and tails, eating with a knife and fork with the Queen of England in Westminster Abbey. Everyone in the room except for Billy roared with laughter.

 

Billy was far from impressed. “You bitch,” he said.

 

“Snappy comeback,” Honey quipped.

 

Billy was lost for words, a rare sight indeed. Nick, seeing his young man’s discomfort, walked over and sat on the arm of the chair. He wrapped his arm around Billy’s shoulders and squeezed his arm. Billy relaxed instantly, his whole demeanor changed and his eyes softened as he looked up into Nick’s gorgeous, deep blue eyes with adoration.

 

Honey asked in disbelief, “My god, Ann – did you see that?”

 

“Yes,” Ann said.

 

Billy asked, “See what?”

 

“Nothing,” Honey said and then she turned her gaze on Nick and said, “You have got to stay around, Nick. I suspect your influence will be to everyone’s benefit.”

 

Nick was actually fully aware of what Honey was suggesting. He was beginning to notice more and more, how he had an effect on Billy’s moods and reactions. It only added to his growing sense of worth and importance, something, which he was not familiar with until recent times. He grinned at Honey.

 

Ann asked, “So how are you, Billy?”

 

“Good, Ann. Getting better and better each passing day.”

 

“I’m pleased to hear it. Honey’s recovery is moving along at a healthy rate as well. The swelling on the back of her skull should be almost gone if not completely gone by the day after tomorrow and I’d give the Blue Whale face a few days,” Ann said and finalized with a wink at Billy.

 

Honey said in disbelief, “Blue Whale?”

 

As Honey looked at Ann unimpressed, Ann just raised an eyebrow and Billy cackled heartily while even Nick was snorting noticeably at the reaction.

 

Honey said, “Oh, I see, so now it’s my turn to be the brunt. I think I preferred it when it was just the redneck and me. What say you, Billy, how about we return to Cleveland on our own?”

 

“You’re on your own, Honey. Nothing and nobody is going to drag me away from my hero,” he replied.

 

“So much for friendship,” she huffed.

 

Billy asked, “Tea and coffee everyone?”

 

“Coffee,” Honey said.

 

“Tea,” Ann followed.

 

Billy snapped his fingers in Nick’s direction without even looking at him. Billy knew Nick expected him to get him to do everything until he was better and so despite the fact that it was done light-heartedly, it was also done with exaggerated attitude for the benefit of his friends. Nick looked down at him and then stood up, initially, agreeably. Billy smiled at Honey smugly and she was a little shocked but then a hand slapped Billy in the back of the head, relatively gently but enough to make him aware he had gone too far.

 

“Ouch,” Billy said and looked up at Nick’s non-threatening face before he said, “Please, Nick?”

 

“Of course, Billy,” Nick replied, rolling his eyes at the women before disappearing into the kitchen.

 

“Well trained already, well almost,” Honey said to Ann.

 

“He’s well on the way,” Ann replied.

 

“He’s my slave,” Billy said precociously.

 

“We were referring to you, not Nick,” Honey said.

 

“Oh,” Billy said, the realization bringing him down to earth.

 

“I really like him, Billy,” Ann said.

 

“Isn’t he great. He stunning, he’s built, he’s hung and he is such a really nice guy. Makes me wonder what he see’s in me.”

 

“It does question my sanity,” Nick said as his proximity was once again revealed unexpectedly. He also gave Billy a dissatisfied glance as he again stood in the doorway but he instantly turned his attentions to Ann.

 

“What sort of tea do you want, Ann? There seems to be every color and shade in the pantry and I’ve never even tasted tea, let alone made a cup.”

 

“Nick, it was a compliment,” Billy said and Nick looked back at him.

 

“A little too much information, though, Billy,” Nick replied, referring to Billy referencing that he was well hung.

 

“I’ll join you in the kitchen and show you how to make tea, Nick,” Ann said.

 

“Great,” Nick replied.

 

“Well you are,” Billy yelled as Nick vanished from sight.

 

“Too much information, Billy,” Nick repeated, yelling back.

 

Honey asked quietly after the other halves had left the room, “So how are you, my friend?”

 

“I’m getting there, Honey. Physically I’ll be back to myself in no time but psychologically, well if it weren’t for Nick, I don’t know how I would be. I was so scared, Honey. I really thought Bobby was going to kill me. At one point he ran a knife over my face and I thought he was going to cut me or stab me. Just having Nick by my side for the last two days has given me the balance I needed and kept me focused. I know I’ll be okay and now that Bobby is getting treatment, I feel like a weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders.”

 

“I’m glad, Billy. I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Honey said sincerely.

 

“I’m sorry you and Ann were dragged into it. Did Bobby say anything to either of you?”

 

“Not really. Well, he didn’t say a word to Ann but when I walked in the door, he used my words against me. You see, Ann had come in before me and so when I entered the building and she wasn’t there, I called her name. The next thing I knew, I heard his voice saying that she had moved to the village in San Francisco. Let me tell you, Billy, I understood your fear in that moment. I swung around but it was so dark I couldn’t see anything and the next thing I knew I was in hospital.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Honey. I know it’s not my fault but you shouldn’t have had to go through what you did.”

 

“Nor should you have had to go through all the years of what you did,” Honey replied.

 

Billy nodded and then asked, “How is Ann?”

 

“She’s good. She was so amazing while I was in the hospital. She was for me like Nick is for you,” Honey said and Billy nodded with understanding.

 

“I really have to tell you about Nick, Honey. He told me all about his life yesterday. I couldn’t believe half of what I heard. So much of it was really sad and though this may sound difficult to believe, it made me love him even more then I already did. He’s such an amazing man and he was such an amazing boy. I swear you won’t believe it either but we’ll have to leave it for another time,” Billy said.

 

Honey replied, “I’ll be interested to hear all about it but tell me, did you tell him about your life as well?”

 

“Yeah and that was how we came to get to know each other so much better,” Billy said.

 

“I’m glad Billy and I hope he is everything you could want him to be.”

 

“Honey, can you believe after how we used to talk in Cleveland, suddenly we’re both in love with really great people?”

 

“I certainly didn’t believe it would happen for me, particularly at my age and certainly not with a woman. I have to say though, Billy, after being with Ann for the last few months, I can’t even imagine wanting to be with anyone else and certainly not a man,” Honey explained.

 

Ann asked Nick, “So where are you from?”

 

“Boston originally. Well it was where I was born but I’ve been in Detroit since I was a few weeks old,” Nick answered.

 

The separate conversations went on for some time and then when all four were in the living room, they talked about what had happened on Tuesday night, made assumptions about Bobby and what was wrong with him and then chatted and laughed as the hours began to creep away. There came a moment when Honey suddenly noticed Billy was staring at her and that he had been silent for an unusual amount of time.

 

Honey asked, “Are you okay, Billy?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said and then turned immediately to Nick and asked, “Nick, could you give me a hand with something in the bedroom?”

 

“Of course,” he replied, looking at Billy curiously.

 

“Excuse us for a minute,” Billy said to the women who nodded without concern.

 

Nick stood up and helped Billy unnecessarily to his feet and they left the room and moved to his bedroom where Billy closed the door.

 

Nick asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just that I had an idea but I didn’t want to bring it up without discussing it with you first,” Billy said.

 

“Okay,” Nick replied.

 

“Nick, I was just looking at Ann and Honey and I thought that as you are staying here with me to look after me and your also sleeping with me, how would you feel about offering the girls your place to stay for the next couple of days?”

 

Nick said, “Of course. Where are they staying now?”

 

“In a motel,” Billy replied.

 

“Good thinking and yes it’s fine with me, as long as you don’t kick my naked ass out onto the street in the middle of the night,” Nick said.

 

“I have plans to keep that naked ass busy tonight, so I don’t think you have to worry your sweet ass about that,” Billy replied.

 

“Good to know Billy because you need to know that I liked your idea earlier about being your test dummy and so I have plans for your ass as well. You are going to be standing for so long that by the time I’m finished with your ass, you’ll have sore feet.”

 

Billy asked, “Promise?”

 

“Promise,” Nick replied.

 

“Great, lets go and make the offer,” Billy said and they returned to the living room.

 

Eventually Honey and Ann agreed to the proposition, which initially filled them with discomfort. It was not because they did not want to stay in Nick’s apartment but rather, it was because they both felt a little odd staying in someone’s home they had only just met. However, deciding it was to no ones inconvenience, Ann left and went to check out of the motel and gather their things. While Ann was gone, Honey and Billy were soon immersed in chitchat, something that they had not done apart from on the phone, since Billy had lived with her in Cleveland.

 

Nick had sat with them for some time listening and also engrossed in their constant bickering. He was amazed at the way it had no bearing on their conversation or the amount of information exchanged. He was so aware of their closeness. It made Nick think about all of these relationships he was seeing around him. He was witnessing diversity and variation in people and how they reacted and responded to each other. In his case it was really only a small group of people but the relationships were tight and important and they filled his awareness of how much he had missed out on.

 

At work or with the team, it was superficial. They were acquaintances, people that seemed nice enough but that did not really mean all that much to Nick. Now his life was filling up with people that were becoming important to him. He thought it was no ones fault but his own. He had closed the door to people a long time ago but now he wanted to feel these feelings and to interact with others. He still felt uncomfortable and half the time he did not know how to interact but still he wanted to try.

 

It did not take long for him to think of Eric and then by association, his father. The urge was instant and he excused himself from the room to make a phone call and then wandered into the bedroom and closed the door.

 

After calling Eric and getting the phone number, he sat for a few moments feeling ironically hesitant while anticipative. He was sitting on the bed staring at the phone as if it were going to ring and take the pressure off, when Billy walked in.

 

“Sorry Nick, I just wanted to get something,” he said but as he looked at Nick, he knew what was going on.

 

Billy had somehow known what the call was going to be about without Nick even referring to his father. He picked up a book and then walked over to the bed and sat down beside Nick. Billy placed his hand over Nick’s hand that was holding the phone and he squeezed it warmly.

 

“I’m sure he wants this as bad as you do. There’s nothing to be afraid of and the sooner you dial the number, the sooner another thing in your life will change. Bite the bullet, Nick, every ounce of me is telling me it will be good.”

 

Billy leaned forward, kissed Nick’s lips and then stood and left the room. Nick simply watched him with amazement and as Billy turned around to pull the door closed again, he smiled warmly and then mouthed the words “I love you.” Nick smiled at a closed door and then turned and looked back at the phone. Certainty filled him and his finger instantly pressed down on the first of several digits.

 

A man said, “Hello?”

 

Nick asked incorrectly, “Is this Tim Rawlins?”

 

“No. I think you have the wrong number,” The man on the other end of the line said.

 

Nick looked confused. He thought he had punched in the phone number accurately but then he suddenly realized what he had said.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I meant Tim Ryan.”

 

“Well in that case you have the right number. Just a moment and I’ll get him for you. May I say who is calling?”

 

“Nick Rawlins.”

 

“Oh. Oh shit. Um, just a moment please and I’ll put him on,” the man said sounding surprised and also flustered.

 

The line went silent for a few moments and then Nick could hear some muffled and unintelligible voices in the distant background. Nick wondered why the unknown man had reacted the way he had. He decided Tim must have told whoever he was and therefore he must have been aware of the situation.

 

A new male voice said uncertainly across the line, “Hello?”

 

Nick replied with equal uncertainty, “Hello?”

 

Tim questioned, “Nick?”

 

“Yes,” Nick confirmed.

 

“My god,” Tim said.

 

“No, just your son,” Nick said, acidly toned, as unexpected and mixed feelings surged through him.

 

Silence pervaded between them for what seemed like forever, although it was only for extended moments. Both men had known that if this happened it would be hard but now that it was actually happening, words seemed impossible to form, let alone speak.

 

Nick’s heart was beating so hard and yet he was so filled with apprehension. It felt like the air in Billy’s bedroom had been sucked out of it. He did not know what to say and he was wishing they were talking in the flesh, as opposed to over the phone. He wanted to disconnect the call almost instantly.

 

Tim was equally struggling. He had thought about little else since he had received the call from the stranger named Eric Cross but now that he was actually on the phone with his son, Tim felt absolutely lost for words. He had been reciting words in his head for two days and he had been assaulted by sleepless nights. He wanted so desperately to meet and get to know his son and now it seemed like he did not know how to go about it. It was however, the sudden thought of losing his son before he even had him in his life, which snapped him out of his uncertainty. He forced himself to break the insidious silence.

 

“I’m so glad you called,” he said sincerely.

 

“Are you?” Nick said but it was not a question of doubt, it was a statement of resentment.

 

“Absolutely,” Tim said.

 

Silence.

 

“I don’t know what your friend Eric told you but there is so much I need to say to you,” Tim said.

 

Nick asked disinterestedly, “Like what?”

 

The disinterest was false and Nick knew it. He knew he was making this hard on Tim but there was so much feeling inside of him and it was making him angry and resentful. He knew he did not want to make it harder and he did not want to do this to his father but he just could not help it. Trusting, despite the way his life was changing, was still hard for him. Particularly over the phone with a man he had never laid eyes on or spoken with before. All the old blame still existed despite what Eric had told him.

 

“Nick, I understand how hard this must be for you…”

 

Nick asked while cutting Tim off before he had time to finish, “Do you?”

 

“Believe it or not, yes Nick, I do. Whether you understand or not, it’s hard for me as well.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure the last twenty-seven years were a tough trip for you,” Nick said resentfully.

 

Tim sighed. He had thought it would be difficult but he had not expected Nick to make it even harder. He had an underlying reactionary desire to respond to Nick’s tone with “screw you” but he knew from the little Eric had told him that Nick had every right to be bitter. He did not know what had happened or even under what circumstances Nick had been raised after Helen’s death, however, it was obvious Nick had not had real parents and now, twenty-seven years later, he was on the phone to his real father. Tim thought this was going to take a lot of work. He turned and looked at his partner, who was sitting on the couch beside him and holding his hand. He shook his head in dismay, allowing the other man to see what he was thinking and feeling.

 

“No Nick, my life has been pretty good but there is nothing I can do to change that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and I’m sorry I didn’t know about you. If I had known about you, well, I can only tell you that I would have been there. Nothing would have kept me from you.”

 

Silence.

 

Nick was sitting on the bed biting his bottom lip. Every muscle in his whole body felt like they were beginning to turn to stone. The tension was beyond belief but at the same time his heart felt like it was going to burst and he wanted to cry. The thought that he could have had a father and a normal life had been a wish he had carried for so long and now his father was telling him that it could have been possible. He felt cheated.

 

Tim questioned, “Nick? Are you still there?”

 

“Eh-hem,” Nick cleared his throat of the emotional build up and then said, “Yeah, I’m still here.”

 

“I don’t expect anything from you that you don’t want to give me. You probably hate me on some level and I guess I can understand why you would. I know nothing about you and so I know nothing of what life was like for you without your real parents. I don’t expect you to even consider me your father, although, I would like it if you would. Nick, I’d love to meet you and talk to you and even get to know you, if you’d let me. I want to look into your eyes and I want to see the man you’ve become.”

 

Nick said, “Tell me why?”

 

Tim asked, “Why what?”

 

“Why you want those things,” Nick clarified.

 

“I want those things because twenty-seven years ago I was in love with your mother. She gave herself to me and I believed we would marry and be together. Right or wrong, succeed or fail, we both wanted it but for reasons that were my fault, it didn’t happen,” Tim said.

 

Nick questioned doubtfully, “You blame yourself?”

 

“Yes, I do. Nick, I wasn’t a strong man in the way I should have been but I don’t want to make excuses here. Your mother and I should have been together and we should have married but we weren’t and we didn’t. In retrospect, on a certain level it was for the best but now that I’m aware of you and your existence, I also know that it wasn’t for the best. Nick, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

 

Silence.

 

Nick felt like he was about to break into pieces. Tim was saying the things he wanted to hear. Apart from movies, Nick did not know what a father was supposed to sound like or what he was supposed to say but the man on the other end of the line in California was saying all the right things, as far as he was concerned.

 

“Nick, maybe you could take a chance with me. Let me come and see you. Let me look at you and talk to you. I’ll tell you everything you want to know and I’ll answer any questions you want to ask. If you still hate me after that then if it’s what you want, I will leave you alone and never bother you again. Please Nick, give us a chance; I’ll be whatever you need me to be in your life even if you can’t accept me as your…”

 

Tim wanted to say the word so badly. He had said it only minutes before but at that moment, in what seemed like the conversation was about to be over, the word would not leave his lips.

 

“Father! The word is father,” Nick said.

 

“Yes, I know but I don’t know how you feel when I say it or if you even want me to say it,” Tim explained.

 

“I’m not sure what to say to you. I know what I want and I know what I have wished for but reality and wishes are two very different things,” Nick replied.

 

“Allow me to come and meet you and maybe then you’ll know for certain,” Tim subtly pleaded.

 

Nick asked, “When?”

 

“Saturday,” Tim replied.

 

Nick repeated but with a tone of amazement, “Saturday?”

 

Tim said, “I want to see you and talk to you as soon as I can but if you don’t…”

 

“No, Saturday would be okay,” Nick interjected and was very pleased by his father’s desire to meet him with such haste.

 

Tim asked, “Are you sure?”

 

“If you really want to,” Nick said questioningly.

 

“I do. More than anything else in the world,” Tim said.

 

“Well then, I guess we’ll talk on Saturday,” Nick replied.

 

“Just let me get a pen and paper so I can take down your details,” Tim said and Nick could hear the instant change in his father’s tone, which was blatantly happy and excited.

Nick smiled and his body finally began to relax.

 

It was only minutes later that the call was over. He sat very still and in silence. His heart was back to its normal rhythm, he felt uncertain but he also felt excited. He heard Honey and Billy laughing and then he became aware that Ann was back from the sound of her voice.

 

Nick called softly, “Billy?”

 

Moments later the door opened and Billy stepped into the room and closed the door. He looked at Nick’s face and though he was not certain of how to read the expression, he also had the feeling something was not quite right.

 

Billy asked immediately, “How did it go?”

 

Nick asked from a place of deep need, “Can I have a hug?”

 

Billy did not say a word; he just sat down close to Nick and took him into his arms. He winced slightly from his chest but ignored it as secondary, as Nick held him and pulled him close.

 

“I love you, Billy.”

 

“I love you, too,” Billy replied.

 

Billy waited but Nick did not say a word. He was just holding him almost desperately and like he was afraid that if he let him go, everything would suddenly dissolve like ancient stone into dust.

 

Billy asked, “What happened?”

 

“He wants to meet me,” Nick answered.

 

“I’m so pleased for you, Nick.”

 

“I want it Billy but I’m scared.”

 

Billy asked, “Of what?”

 

“I’m scared it won’t work out. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he decides he doesn’t want to know me?” What if he can’t accept that I’m gay? I’ve only just come out and I don’t want to lie about who I am anymore but if it’s going to be an issue, maybe I shouldn’t tell him. Billy, I haven’t actually said the words but I really want to meet him and get to know him. I want my father in my life. I want to have that relationship and I want him to love me and for me to be able to love him,” Nick explained.

 

“Nick, all of that is perfectly natural and considering how your life unfolded, it is also understandable why you would feel the way you do and that you would be scared of the things you’re scared of. The thing is, this is another issue of trust for you. Some people just trust blindly and its par for the course to just believe in people but for you it’s not. Nick, the man is your father despite that you had no relationship with him. If he didn’t want a relationship with you then I would guess that he wouldn’t want to meet you and he would be making excuses for why he couldn’t. Essentially I’m suggesting that you need to trust that his intentions are good, despite how hard that is for you. When does he want to come and meet you?”

 

“Saturday,” Nick said.

 

“Really? Well then I would think that was a very good reason to trust him,” Billy replied with certainty.

 

“Yeah, I was thinking the same but I still feel uncertain,” Nick said.

 

Billy exclaimed, “Habit!”

 

Nick questioned, “What?”

 

“It’s habit, Nick. You’re used to not trusting people and expecting the worse from them.”

 

Nick nodded and finally let go of the hold he had on Billy. Billy drew back and looked at Nick and then he leaned closer.

 

“Kiss me, you big, sexy hunk,” he said and Nick grinned and then kissed him deeply.

 

Billy asked, as they pulled apart, “Okay TD, are you ready to return to our friends in the other room?”

 

“Yeah Billy but first, what in hell is TD?”

 

“Test dummy, of course, don’t tell me you thought one kiss was going to get you out of it?”

 

“Well I was sort of hoping,” Nick said in jest.

 

“Nick. You’re supposed to play into my hands?”

 

“Where’s the fun in that, Billy?”

 

“Come on, let’s get back out there and we can talk more about your dad later,” Billy said and then stood and offered Nick his hand.

 

To be continued...