Chapter 24 

 

 

Two empty Pizza boxes sat on the carpet next to the bed in Billy’s bedroom. Silence filled the apartment but there was barely a noise coming from the outside world either. It was the early hours of the morning and the first sign of light was making its way through the bedroom window. It was Thursday morning and a very long night was now no more than a part of memory.

 

Billy was lying on his back within a very deep sleep. His entire body was naked except for the bandages that covered his chest and arm. Every now and then he would moan a troubled moan or he would wince as a pain from his chest invaded his subconscious but did not awaken him. Nick was lying beside Billy, also naked but prostrate.

 

Yet again Billy gave a singular, disturbed moan and instantly Nick’s arm moved and rested south of the bandage, his arm curling around and his hand holding Billy’s waist. It was a supportive action, a loving action, though it was the action of a man in the deepest of sleeps. He was not even aware he was doing it and immediately, also unconsciously, Billy’s face eased and his breathing evened and once again silence and stillness filled the room.

 

The previous evening, Billy had been troubled by the stitches to his chest. He could not get comfortable no matter how he sat or what he did. Eventually he asked Nick to remove the bandage to check that everything was okay. The bandage instructions given by the nurse had informed them it was not to be changed until the next day but seeing Billy’s severe discomfort, Nick agreed to do it for him early.

 

When Nick finally removed it, what he saw shocked him. For the entire day he had wondered why the doctors or nurses had bandaged such a large section of Billy’s chest but then he saw the massive amount of bruising that had been hidden along with the stitched up gash.

 

“Shit, I understand now why you can barely move without feeling pain. I thought it was just the stitches but your pain is from all of this as well,” Nick said.

 

“Yeah. The doctor told me that when we crashed into the bookcase, the force was extreme and I was lucky I didn’t break, crack or fracture any ribs,” Billy replied.

 

Nick asked, “How does that feel now?”

 

“My chest is naturally very sore and tender and the discomfort from the stitches is like nothing I’ve ever felt but it’s nice to feel the fresh air on it. I’d like to leave it off for a while,” Billy requested.

 

“Okay but just for a short time. I think there are probably several reasons for the bandage. I think it’s meant to keep germ access to a minimum and therefore reduce infection. I also think it’s to stop accidental damage to the stitches. Additionally, I think it might somehow aid in the healing process but I would imagine that if anything does happen and the stitches do rip open, the blood will be somewhat confined,” Nick said.

 

“I hadn’t even thought of half of those reasons,” Billy said and then he gently leaned back into the couch.

 

“It’s all assumption, Billy. I have no idea for certain.”

 

Nick rolled the bandage up to make it easier to roll it back on later and then he sat back close to Billy, wrapped his arm around him and pulled him into the side of his body beneath his armpit.

 

“I love it when you hold me, it makes me feel like nothing could ever hurt me,” Billy said.

 

“If I have anything to do with it, nothing and nobody ever will,” Nick replied.

 

“Man, your body is so big, so warm and so beautiful,” Billy complemented.

 

“I’m thinking the difference in our size works more for my benefit. I love the way you snuggle into me and I love the way my big body wraps around you,” Nick replied.

 

“Trust me, Nick, I love that too and it’s a mutual enjoyment.”

 

The more time they spent together, the more intense the bond between them was growing. It was an emotional and mental bond because they were talking and feeling and truly beginning to see each other clearly. However, the most prominent occurrence when new lovers meet is always the intense sexual experience. Though the odd limited experience was partaken in with verve, the natural physical collision of lusting partners was being swept temporarily under the carpet.

 

Both Nick and Billy wanted each other with overwhelming desire. A look, a misspoken phrase or an accidental brush of one body against the other, continued to ignite a flame, which they were trying to keep at a dull burn. They were not succeeding very well and it was like serving a kings feast to starving men and then telling them they could not eat. In the simplest of terms, Billy’s injury was not only and impedance for him, it was a plug in an erupting volcano for them both.

 

The simple remarks about the way their bodies fit together might well have been true but all it served to achieve was both of their minds thinking about flesh and muscle and nakedness, causing them to be frustrated again in seconds. As a consequence, Nick decided on a course of action to take their minds off the subject.

 

Nick said, “Billy, I’m curious and I also really don’t understand. Did you not have a good relationship with your brother? I mean why did he want to attack you?”

 

Billy nodded generally as he thought he could understand how things must have seemed to Nick. He guessed it must have looked as if they hated each other from an outsider’s perspective. Sometimes he also wondered if Bobby hated him but he knew there had always been those other times when Bobby showed him and told him that he loved him. Even that night there had been moments before Bobby went really strange, when he seemed to truly care about him. He knew those random times over the bad years were few and far between but he still believed in them, perhaps naively but he believed in them nonetheless.

 

“Nick, this may sound strange but I’m not sure what the exact story is. I’ll try to explain and then maybe you’ll understand my perspective. You see, when I think back to the years when Bobby and I were boys, the way I remember it, we were close. I still think about those times we spent together and my memory goes back to around four years of age. We were always together and I know that I used to look up to him. He was sort of a hero to me.

 

“In the early years our family wasn’t rich or even particularly well off and so as boys, we relied heavily on our imaginations to come up with things to do. We didn’t have bikes or toys like lots of the other kids had and so for example, we played Cowboys and Indians or Cops and Robbers with sticks as guns or even just with our fingers. The thing was, Bobby would always let me be whatever I wanted to be and he would simply play the opposite role. He was really good that way and he was always considerate with me.

 

“I remember going for walks with him and I remember he would always protect me if boys older than us gave us a hard time. Of course he didn’t look like he does now but he was still strong. I guess he was a mini version of the man he is now. Sometimes we would lie in the backyard and stare up at the clouds and make shapes. Bobby would tell me how he wanted to be a cowboy like in the movies we watched on television. He would always differentiate and say that he wanted to be one of the good cowboys and not one of the bad ones. I also remember how at night when I would have bad dreams, I didn’t go to my mom or dad. I would go into Bobby’s room and wake him up. He’d pull me into his bed with him and he’d cuddle me and tell me that it was all right and that he wouldn’t let anything or anyone hurt me. I loved him so much and I believe - no - I know, Bobby loved me too.”

 

“It sounds really nice and he certainly sounds like he loved you a lot,” Nick said.

 

“Yeah, I believe that. Anyway, from my recollections, it was always that way. Lots of smiles and laughter between us, lots of fun times and also, unlike the way many siblings fight all the time, Bobby and I rarely ever did. Even if we did fight, the bad feelings rarely lasted longer than an hour and soon enough we were together again and he’d be carrying me on his shoulders or rolling around with me in the grass or on the bed or the floor.”

 

Nick asked, “How much older than you is he?”

 

“He’s twenty-eight and I’m twenty-four so four years,” Billy replied.

 

“I always wanted a brother and what you’re describing is what I imagined it would be like,” Nick said.

 

“Well Nick, I guess not everything is always the way we hope or imagine. You see, Nick, when Bobby was seventeen, not long after he finished school for good, he changed toward me. I didn’t know why and to this day, I still don’t know why. From my perspective, it all began one day when I was fourteen. I was in the backyard just sitting in the sun reading some book I don’t even remember. A shadow was suddenly cast over me and I looked up to see Bobby standing over me and looking down at me. Without pre or post explanations, he told me he had been watching me for some time and he didn’t like what he was seeing. I looked at him confused and asked him what he was talking about. He told me to stop pretending to be something I wasn’t. I had no idea what he was referring to and I also had never seen that side to him before.

 

“Honestly Nick, I wondered if he was playing a game with me. I thought he was pulling my leg and so I laughed at him and told him not to be an idiot. Nick, I swear to god I had not been prepared for the expression that crossed his face. He looked so angry and he looked at me like – I don’t know, maybe like I disgusted him. It was very unsettling. I said his name as a question because I didn’t know what was going on and then suddenly he bent down and grabbed me and pulled me to my feet. A second later he hit me with a closed fist. Before I knew what had happened I was face in the dirt. He kept lifting me back up and he gave me a couple of really good punches to the body before he left me crying and walked away.”

 

Nick questioned with a look of disbelief, “No explanation? I mean that was it?”

 

“Nothing. He never said a word about it afterwards. To be honest, I thought maybe I had done something wrong that I was unaware of and he was teaching me a lesson. I loved him so much and I believed in him so much I just couldn’t imagine he didn’t have a good reason for what he had done,” Billy explained.

 

Nick asked, “Did you ask him why?”

 

“No, I didn’t. It may seem odd to you but I was scared that if I didn’t know what I had done wrong then it would make him angry at me again,” Billy replied.

 

“I guess I can sort of understand,” Nick said.

 

“So over the next couple of weeks he seemed different toward me and he started going out with the friends he used to go to school with. I didn’t see him anywhere near as much and I thought I should just leave him be and that eventually things would go back to the way they were. Then one night while I was in bed asleep, I woke up to something crashing down on top of me. He had come into my room and he jumped on me. He had one hand over my mouth to keep me quiet and the other hand was around my throat and squeezing. Maybe it was the moon outside the window or a streetlight but I could see his face clearly despite the darkness. His eyes were crazy and he was so angry. I couldn’t move and I could hardly breathe and then I started to cry. I think he suddenly saw me crying or realized what he was doing and his eyes changed and filled with shame. He let go of me and slowly moved off me and then he just left the room. I had no idea what was going on or why he was doing any of it to me but after the second time, I was scared of him.”

 

“I’d say that was understandable,” Nick offered reassuringly.

 

“Without going into the details of every assault, they continued to happen but at least they were sporadic. I mean maybe twice a month, sometimes every couple of months. There were occasions when it happened only days or weeks apart but they were really random. The thing was that whatever it was about, it wasn’t just his abuse. It was also the change in Bobby toward me. It suddenly seemed as if he didn’t want to know me. Our relationship was strained and definitely estranged. When I spoke to him he replied but monosyllabically. The only time it was different was when we were in the company of our parents but we both knew that was all it was about. Whatever his problem was he didn’t want them to know.”

 

Nick asked, “Did you ever come to a point where you asked him why?”

 

“I hate to say it but no. I was just so scared of him beating me up and I didn’t want to give him any additional reasons. I mean it sounds weak and stupid to me now but back then, I was on edge whenever I was around him. After he bashed me then he would go back to ignoring me and it reached a point where those times were the times I looked forward to. Understand, Nick, Bobby was my brother and the closest person in the world to me and though you may not understand this, I loved him. Even during the time while it was happening, I still loved him.”

 

Nick nodded at Billy but he did not really understand. His life had been so different. He had no family and he had never been physically hurt by anyone. He had stood up to everyone in that manner and he had always come out on top. He thought Billy was obviously a different type of person. Billy was not an aggressive man and was more in the passive and peaceful vein. Facing off against someone or physically confronting eye to eye, was not in his nature.

 

“As I said, all of this began around the time Bobby finished school. He always seemed pretty happy generally but from that time onward, though he remained fine with everyone else, he had some problem with me. He was okay at school, he was a jock and he was also on the football team. He had a bunch of friends that he liked. Sometimes I’ve wondered if it wasn’t because his life was about to change when he finished school and that was why he got so angry and why he took it all out on me. I’ve heard it said that people often take their frustrations out on those they’re closest to. Not that it was an acceptable reason for what he did but still it gave me a reason, true or not.”

 

Nick asked, confused, “Why would finishing school make him change?”

 

“I’m not saying it did, Nick. It’s a guess on my part but some people get used to the life they’re living. Life becomes a habit they’re comfortable with. Change can be a scary place for some people and they just want everything to remain the same. I guess time periods or pockets of life can become a comfort zone as easily as anything else can.

 

“There was one thing that happened back before he started attacking me and I often wondered if it had something to do with what changed Bobby. I think about that day often and many times I wish I knew what the conversation was about. It was some time after Bobby finished school. It was a day when Bobby’s best friend, Dean, came to see him at our house. As I watched them together, it made me a little jealous. Even though the abuse had not begun and I had no idea how things would soon change; a distance between Bobby and I was already becoming obvious to me. I mean he already seemed detached and like he was avoiding me. Seeing him so happy and comfortable with Dean, made me really feel the loss of the connection I had always had with Bobby.

 

“That day, Bobby’s smile was so bright. In fact, it was beaming and they were laughing and talking and having a great time together. They went into Bobby’s bedroom and closed the door and because I was feeling so dismissed and left out, I sneaked around outside the house to Bobby’s bedroom window. Understand, Nick, only weeks before, Bobby and Dean would allow me to hang out with them. Though I guess it was a childish way for me to feel like I was still a part of what I had lost, I stood to the side of the open window to see if I could hear what they were saying. I heard some things but not everything.

 

“Anyway, they were just talking for a while and then Bobby became really serious. As they sat on his bed together, Bobby said to Dean that he didn’t want things to change and that he didn’t know if he could handle everything being different. Dean said that everything would be okay and that Bobby would be fine but Bobby became frustrated and said that he wouldn’t. He was really upset and I could hear it in his voice. I was concerned for him and so I leaned closer and then peeked in the window. Dean reached for him and he gave him a long hug. He was rubbing his back and he told Bobby he wasn’t happy either but it was the way life was and there was nothing either of them could do. I just assumed they were talking about leaving school, getting jobs and starting new lives out in the world. I did find out a month later that Dean and his family had gone to Washington State and I thought Bobby might have been upset about losing his best friend as well but still I never really knew.

 

“So by the end of the year, though his actions didn’t increase in occurrence, they did increase in intensity. When he hit me, he hit me harder. He started leaving bruises on me. He never broke a bone or caused me to have to be rushed to a hospital or anything like that. He never hit me in the face or left marks where dad or mom could see but the beatings were definitely more violent.

 

“It was during that time that something else changed. Bobby started coming to me after the fact. He would come to me when our parents were out or he would come to my room at night. He would make me take off my shirt and when he looked at what he had done, he would become visibly upset and ashamed. He would hold me softly, tell me he loved me and he would make me lie down on the bed with him while he would gently rub his fingers over the marks he had left behind. I thought maybe things were going to go back to the way they had once been but I would eventually learn that wasn’t to be the case. A month after the first time he came to me, the new cycle began. I was abused, beaten up and then emotionally loved amidst sadness. I put up with it for as long as I could but there was only so much I could take. Eventually I decided I needed to get away. I asked my parents to send me to school in Pennsylvania for my last three years…”

 

Nick interrupted, “Pennsylvania?”

 

“Yeah, it seemed a world away from Kentucky and the farther the better, as far as I was concerned. Hell Nick, I would have gone to Russia if I had needed to. I just didn’t want to be around Bobby anymore.”

 

“I understand,” Nick said.

 

“It was a holiday. It was like taking off to some Pacific island to go to school. I loved it there. My life changed, I met new friends and suddenly I was at peace knowing that I didn’t have to worry about Bobby. It was also the time and place that I got my first taste of being gay. It turned out that my best friend at school was gay as well. Adding to my happiness while going to Westtown Prep, I discovered for certain the man I was meant to be and was going to be. I changed a lot in those years and a large percentage of the man I am today is because of the influence of Damon Weiss.”

 

Nick asked, “Did you have sex with him?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Billy said with a wide grin and lustful eyes, as he remembered the past.

 

“I hate him,” Nick said, falsely and enviously.

 

“As you said, Nick, we’ll get to it.”

 

“The sooner the better,” Nick said emphatically.

 

“I like it that you’re jealous,” Billy said.

 

“Temporarily frustrated,” Nick replied, laughed dismissively and Billy chuckled.

 

“Finally school came to an end and I had to go home. I was really not looking forward to it but I tried to tell myself that when I got home things would be different.”

 

Nick queried, “And were they?”

 

“Unfortunately, no they weren’t. Less than a month after getting back to Scottsville, Bobby attacked me again. While I was at school, Bobby had strengthened his connection with our Evangelical church and he was different but I guess in some ways he was still the same when it came to me. It was like he pushed a button in me that regressed me back to the unhappy boy I had been before. I put up with it for nearly a full year but then I decided I had to leave for good.

 

“You see, Nick, on top of everything else, I was gay and I wanted to live as a gay man. I wanted to meet a man and have sex, I wanted to fall in love and I wanted to have a relationship. My parents were very religious and they didn’t agree with homosexuality. I knew they wouldn’t accept it and I knew what would happen if I told them. Then there was Bobby and by that point he was practically preaching that gays were the devil’s advocates or that they were wild animals that needed to be made extinct.

 

“I guess you can see it was bad enough what I was going through but to have Bobby find out I was gay as well, well that wouldn’t have been conducive to my health.”

 

Nick shook his head and said, “You have a knack for understatement, Billy.”

 

Billy nodded and then said, “So I gave everything a lot of thought and though it had a lot to do with my fear of Bobby and something to do with pain for my family, I ran away in the middle of the night and I never went back. I hadn’t spoken to my parents or Bobby since, at least until Bobby arrived at my door last night.”

 

“Two sides of a coin,” Nick said with a sad, whispered laugh, as he thought about leaving the orphanage in the night and no family other than strangers.

 

Billy looked at Nick curiously and said, “What?”

 

“I’ll explain later. Continue with the story,” Nick replied.

 

“Well, Bobby has been searching for me ever since. I went to Illinois, Paris to be precise but after a while and purely to my good fortune, Bobby showed up and I spotted him. On that same day I packed what was important to me and took off again. I ended up in Cleveland and that was how I met Honey. We shared a house together and became the best of friends. Unfortunately, Bobby turned up again one day while I was at work but thank goodness Honey was at home sick. She told Bobby I had moved to San Francisco and he left. A couple of days later I was here in Detroit.

 

“I hoped, though I didn’t believe it, Bobby wouldn’t find me again. I just didn’t expect he would find me so quickly. Anyway Nick, those are the basics of the back-story but what happened here the other night, well, of everything that has happened between Bobby and me, it was the worst and the scariest of all. Nick, I actually thought I was going to die last night,” Billy said and then he snuggled into Nick’s warm skin, his arms wrapping tightly around him like he was still scared.

 

“It’s okay, Billy, I’ve got you now. You don’t have to tell me if it’s too traumatic for you.”

 

“No, Nick, I’m okay. It’s just that the thoughts of some of the things that happened are unsettling.”

 

“I can only guess,” Nick said.

 

“You’ll understand soon enough,” Billy replied.

 

Nick offered, “Would you like me to make you a coffee before you go on?”

 

Billy asked, “Would you?”

 

“Of course I will,” Nick said and then after a warm and loving kiss, Nick made his way to the kitchen. He made them both a coffee and returned to the couch soon after. He slid into position beside Billy and once again held him in a warm embrace.

 

“Nick, you really know how to make a good cup of coffee. Maybe I should have you sleep on the floor in my laundry and…”

 

Nick said, cutting Billy off from using his words against him, “Hey, isn’t that plagiarism or something?”

 

“Consider it a tip of the hat to your humor, Nick.”

 

“Instead of turning me into a pet or hired help, you could have suggested I move in with you and make your coffee every day,” Nick said.

 

“I was going to Nick but I sleep naked and as we’ve already discussed, my apartment only has one bedroom and I didn’t think you would want to sleep with me while my cock was roaming about freely or my ass was available to be taken,” Billy said with a smirk from ear to ear.

 

“Yes, you’re right, Billy. I wouldn’t want to catch something.”

 

“Excuse me? I’ll have you know that I’m clean and healthy,” Billy said.

 

“Not the word on the streets of Detroit. From what I and everyone else in this city have heard, the infamous Billy Jackson is to be avoided like the plague,” Nick said.

 

“Your thoughtfulness and sensitivity are beyond reproach, Nick.”

 

“You’re just lucky I’m a Good Samaritan,” Nick extended.

 

“There’s the door, Nick, you can use it as soon as I’m well and your Mother Theresa duties are fulfilled.”

 

“This isn’t charity Billy, I expect payment, you know?”

 

Billy asked, “How much will your services set me back?”

 

“Depends on how much effort I put in,” Nick said, grinning.

 

With his face exceptionally smug and confident, Billy said, “Remember, Nick, I’ve seen you naked and I’ve seen your erection. I know how much effort will be required. Perhaps it is me that will need to be remunerated?”

 

Nick shook his head with amusement and said, “I believe you were telling me a story, Billy? Why don’t we get back to it?”

 

Billy smiled at Nick and Nick smiled back just as warmly. He pulled Billy an inch closer and then he leaned down and gave him another kiss.

 

Over the following thirty to forty minutes, Billy told Nick what had happened with Bobby the previous night. Nick sat and listened, amazed at Bobby’s thoughtless violence, increased by his knowledge of what he had done to Honey and Ann as well. His anger toward Bobby was revitalized when he heard about the knife and the kick to the chest but then slowly, he felt confused by what he was hearing.

 

As the entire story began to unfold, too much made no sense to Nick whatsoever. He could not understand a boy loving his little brother so much and then for no apparent reason, changing and wanting to beat him up. No matter what had happened and no matter why, he did not understand searching for and following Billy around the country, only so he could threaten and attack him again. Most of all however, Nick could not grasp the anger and violence combined with actions and words of love. He tried to tell himself it was because he did not understand family but he still thought it made no sense.

 

When Billy reached the final moments before he had come to his door, Nick was shocked to hear about the whole sexual ingredient of what took place. No matter what his personal beliefs regarding the idea of acts of incest, somehow that just seemed like the most incongruous piece of the puzzle of all. If someone were physically, emotionally and sexually so attracted to someone else that they wanted to have sex with him or her, why would they want to terrorize and hurt the person? Nick just could not wrap his mind around it.

 

Nick knew he did not really understand someone’s mind snapping, even though he tried to. He thought that maybe it was like he had considered that Dan’s mind had been so affected by Julia’s death. He also thought that maybe it was like his own loss of self and withdrawal from everything in his life but still it seemed so different. He could not imagine knowing someone for years and then suddenly not remembering or knowing who they were. However, even when he did just accept it, still the only reason he could imagine a man wanting sex with another man, had to be because he was gay or at least bisexual. Either way, it did not make sense that Bobby had been verbally anti gay for so long. Not unless that was not the case at all and Bobby just could not accept the truth about the man he was inside.

 

Billy finally reached the point of the demise of the coffee table. Nick looked at him and said, “Well I know the rest of the story but Billy, have you considered that Bobby might be gay?”

 

“No way,” Billy said in absolute disbelief.

 

Nick questioned, “Don’t you think it’s odd that he got a boner with another guy, brother or not and then asked you to suck his cock?”

 

“Yeah but…” Billy said trailing off in further disbelief.

 

“I know it’s probably weird to you,” Nick said.

 

“But it’s Bobby? He’s straight and it’s impossible,” Billy replied.

 

“Billy, you told me a few hours ago that you always thought I was straight and that you couldn’t believe it when everything changed.”

 

Billy said, “Yeah, I know but you’re talking about Bobby?”

 

“Strange things happen in life Billy and I should know,” Nick said while considering his own life, particularly over the last week. “The other thing that I thought was that maybe Bobby wasn’t talking to Dean about leaving school. Maybe something happened between them? Sometimes things happen that you’re just not expecting and they can change your life forever,” Nick added, thinking about the day and night before.

 

“Maybe it was just his mental breakdown, at least that was what I was thinking after the psychiatrist spoke to me,” Billy said.

 

“Maybe,” Nick said, not wanting to push the issue any further.

 

“Whatever the case, Nick, that was the story and it was horrible.”

 

“A reality I can only imagine,” Nick said and he snuggled closer to Billy and gave him several gentle, squeezing hugs.

 

“Mmm, if that is the sort of treatment I can expect, I may have to start making up stories to make you rescue me and feel sorry for me,” Billy said.

 

“You don’t need to make things up to get me to feel like I do about you,” Nick replied.

 

“Good to know,” Billy said, followed by a happy smile.

 

Nick joked, “You know, I thought it was supposed to be you that rescued me, Billy?”

 

“Comes around, goes around, I guess,” Billy said.

 

“I was thinking while you were telling me that story that you need to contact your parents,” Nick suggested.

 

“Yeah, Nick, I’ve been thinking the same thing, though I’m not looking forward to it,” Billy said with a tone of reluctance.

 

Nick asked, “Why not? I mean I understand that you ran away and haven’t seen or spoken to them in a long time but…”

 

“Nick, no matter what has happened, they’re not going to accept who I am. Everything they do and say is based on church dogma and beliefs. It isn’t just a hatred of homosexuality; it’s a belief that gay people are evil and a satanic plague. My parents are extreme bigots with no understanding of people who don’t fit into the picture of the life they entertain in their minds. There are whole groups of society they’re opposed to. Anyway, I decided I would wait for some news about Bobby before I called them to let them know what was happening.”

 

“Well, from what you’re saying, I suppose that’s a smart idea,” Nick said.

 

Billy pulled a little closer against Nick’s chest but again he gasped and winced and so Nick told him he thought it was time to put the bandage back on. Billy agreed irritably and Nick rolled it back around his body, leaving it just slightly looser to give him more freedom of movement. Billy was happy with it that way and he told Nick he should become a doctor. Nick laughed and rolled his eyes and then they sat back and held each other again.

 

Several minutes ticked by in silence as they sat together, arms around each other and somewhat snuggling. Billy’s mind had washed the story away for the time being and he was absorbed by where he was and what was happening. He was not in a lustful state. It was more a state of sensual consummation. His head was on the front of Nick’s shoulder as he looked down and stared at the chest, “that chest,” as he referred to it to himself. The muscles were just so big and the skin was so smooth, taut and brown. Then there was the feeling of the body pressed against him. Of course it made him hard but there was this softness to the sensual touch between them, which took his mind some place else. He had never experienced it before but it made his heart quicken. He wanted to never be separated from the feeling and at that moment, he knew his love for Nick was growing stronger.

 

Nick’s thoughts had begun with anger at Bobby. He imagined that if he had not got out of bed and gone to Billy’s door, something really bad could have happened. The thought was intensified because Billy had said to him that he thought he was going to die that night. He then felt Billy snuggle closer and his arms pull tighter around him and Nick’s thoughts turned to almost disbelief.

 

Nick was still having trouble believing that all of this was not just a dream. This week had been so incredible. After twenty-seven years, he wondered how everything could change in a single week and the truly amazing thing was that the week was not even over. He hoped that whatever the rest of this week had in store for him, it would continue to be good and as far removed from his previous life as possible.

 

Billy asked unexpectedly, “So what was with the two sides of a coin comment?”

 

“Nothing, it was probably not really as appropriate as it seemed in my head at the time,” Nick said dismissively.

 

“I’d still like to know, Nick. I also want you to tell me all of the things you told me you needed to tell me.”

 

“It’s a very long story, Billy.”

 

“The longer the better Nick because the longer you keep talking to me, the longer I get to remain by your side and against this hot body.”

 

“I like the sound of us being together like this for a very long time,” Nick said with a deep, emotional sincerity.

 

“Then start at the very beginning and don’t omit a single word. Where and when were you born, Mr Rawlins?”

 

“I was born on June the fifth of nineteen eighty-four in Boston, Massachusetts.”

 

Billy asked, “So where’s the Bostonian accent?”

 

“I was only there for three weeks, Billy. My mother brought me to Detroit.”

 

“Thank God for that,” Billy said.

 

“I suppose so, Mr Jackson but I think I’d prefer to thank my mother. I don’t really hold a big place for god in my life. He didn’t seem to be around where I was concerned.”

 

“It was just an expression, Nick. I’m not really into religion all that much either. I think my parents and Bobby and also the people of this world flushed it out of my system as an unneeded contingent,” Billy said.

 

For quite some time the night continued on in this manner. The two men clutching to each other, not desperately but definitely with the understanding that they both had what they wanted and that neither wanted to lose it. Nick talked, Billy listen and often piped in with his standard commentary or spontaneous thoughts. However, as Nick’s story continued, soon Billy was not only engrossed with the detailed history of his man but he became quiet, enthralled and sometimes deeply sad.

 

The story of Nick’s grandfather, Ezekiel, made Billy angry and the story of Charlotte frustrated him. He hated people like her that sat back and said and did nothing, always too afraid to stand up and do the right thing. Of course he did not know her but Billy was certain that within Nick’s grandmother, there was a screaming voice telling her to not be weak and to speak and act and change life as it was.

 

The story of Mary really touched him. He could imagine her peering out through the window at her sister and crying sadly at the injustice of it all. He thought that the now adult Mary sounded like a wonderful woman and someone that he would like to know.

 

Helen’s friend Karen made him think of Honey. He was not sure exactly why but he thought that if he had been around at the time and living in Boston, he would have befriended Karen as well and they would have been the best of friends. He thought for no particular reason that Honey would have been the same type of person as Karen when she was a girl.

 

Billy had snuggled close to Nick when he told him about Helen leaving town. He had felt a degree of gladness that she was on her way to begin again. He related to it in a big way but when Nick told him about the accident and the death of Helen, Billy had been completely unprepared and tears had rolled down his cheeks from the thought of Nick losing his mother.

 

He did not feel any specific connection to Lauren Baker, although he always held people like her in high regard. There was something about such focused devotion to a cause and particularly to one that benefited people or animals that were truly in need. As far as Billy was concerned, there was way too much focus in life on those who were not really in need. Regardless, when he heard about the stroke and the children being shipped off into more unfamiliarity but specifically to Nick going into an orphanage, Billy discovered his heart hurting again, however, the story of Jake increased the hurt and he looked up at Nick and saw a distant gaze, which made his heart break for his man.

 

The knowledge that Nick had run away was understandable but learning that a boy of twelve with a single choice, had changed his life in such a dramatic way was almost incomprehensible to Billy. He felt relieved that Nick fell into the hands of other youngsters of varying ages but still he had not expected that the choice to run into the night would have such dire consequences for years to come. Billy suddenly understood the two sides of a coin comment. It was not so much about opposite sides, as it was about being of the same coin.

 

With the story of Julia and Dan, Billy’s heart broke again. Though Billy was unaware it was the second time Nick had relived the story in a week, Nick became extremely emotional again, as he relived the events. Billy could hear how much Dan meant to him. There was a slight, background twinge of jealousy but it was short lived and soon enough he was feeling parallel feelings; sorrow for Dan because of his loss of his sister but also, anger with Dan because of his thoughtless actions and how they had devastated Nick.

 

Billy had sunken down a little more into the couch, his face now against Nick’s wonderful, big and naked chest, his arms firm around Nick’s waste, as he held the large man whom he could feel was not as at ease as he had been. Billy wanted to bring a halt to the story and to kiss Nick and tell him it was okay. He wanted to rise up, straddle Nick’s lap and hold him and try to put him at ease. It seemed however, there was nothing he could really do because it was all in the past and there seemed no way to battle the past. He also wanted Nick to continue with his story. Billy had waited so long to learn more about the man but even though he detested much of what he was hearing, still he wanted to hear it all.

 

He understood why Nick had been broken and how it had initiated an eventual change in him. In fact, Billy was pleased and he smiled when he heard Nick say the words that he had decided to change his life. Just after Nick told Billy about joining the football team, Billy not only realized he was beyond uncomfortable but that he was also starving. He excused himself, interrupted the story and asked Nick if he were hungry. Nick told him he was ravenous and so they decided on pizza and while they awaited the delivery, Billy explained that he wanted to change his position because he had been sitting on the couch for an extraordinary amount of hours.

 

Following a suggestion to go into the bedroom and sloth about on the bed, once the pizza had arrived, they went into the other room and soon they were sitting or lying on the bed, moving about and changing positions whenever the desire took them.

 

They ate pizza and drank fruit juice and talked about inane crap or whatever topic took their fancy at the time. They were in a succession of moments that seemed to grow into minutes and then hours. It was unconscious serenity and their bond was growing even without their awareness.

 

Billy listened with eagerness to the following events as Nick returned to his story but the one thing that really stuck out amidst it all was Nick’s age and the fact that he had never really had sex with a man. He understood Nick’s reaction to his first blowjob in a toilet but when he realized that nothing other than that had ever occurred, he began to think that when they did get around to having sex, he was going to be Nick’s first time. Billy had concluded that Nick was fundamentally a virgin.

 

When Nick reached the present, he considered telling Billy about Eric but he was overwhelmed with feelings of caution. He did not want to hide anything from Billy but he feared if he told him, Billy might suddenly hate Eric and as they were the two most important people in Nick’s life, he did not want anything to come between them. As a consequence of those worrisome thoughts, he brought the story to an end.

 

“Damn, I thought my life had been bad,” Billy said.

 

“The cards we were dealt,” Nick said as he shrugged and Billy nodded as he allowed his mind to drift into thoughts of all the experiences Nick had been through.

 

Nick rolled over to reach for his glass of fruit juice. His eyes moved to the top of the bed and then he reached for something and rolled back displaying it to Billy with a bemused grin. Billy’s face flushed scarlet with embarrassment.

 

Nick asked while swaying his jockstrap from his index finger in the air like a pendulum, “What is this doing here?”

 

“It belonged to…”

 

“Me! Don’t even try that shit on with me, Mr Jackson. I know my jockstraps and I also noticed this one was missing.”

 

Billy’s eyes were as wide as they could be with devastated embarrassment and he dropped his head, his gaze falling to the sheets. He should have seen that Nick’s primary reaction was amusement and pride but all Billy could focus on was that he had stolen from Nick.

 

Nick’s smile grew. It was compassionate as well as amused. A momentary thought was to let Billy stew a little longer but even this side to Billy made him love him. He reached out and warmly wrapped his hand around Billy’s jaw, lifting his head to allow their eyes to meet. Billy was still looking guilty but as he saw the softness in Nick’s face, he began to know that he was not in trouble.

 

“I’m sorry, Nick,” he proffered regardless.

 

“I think I like that you stole my jockstrap,” Nick said, his grin growing. “I just can’t imagine what you would want with it though, I mean, it’s too big for you to wear,” he added, feigning ignorance. “Perhaps you could explain to me what use you could have for it, Billy?”

 

Billy looked into Nick’s eyes but then he began to see what was behind them. He saw the entire facial expression and suddenly all the little pieces began to fit together. It was like his attention had been caught by something in a painting and then he stepped back to take in the whole portrait. Nick was fucking with his head. Quickly shifting from guilt, Billy again returned to his old faithful – humor.

 

“Well Nick, I was thinking of taking up golf and I had heard somewhere that some men used the pouch of a jockstrap for cleaning their golf balls. So, thinking that because you were some mutant, giant troll, I decided I could clean several balls at once,” he said, his facial mien now smug.

 

Billy had been sitting cross-legged on the bed and Nick had been lying on his side but suddenly Nick sat up swiftly, rising onto his knees and the jockstrap was over Billy’s head, the pouch around his chin and over his mouth and nose like a breathing mask at a hospital.

 

“Balls? Balls my ass. You’ve been sniffing my jockstrap. You’ve got an underwear fetish or something,” Nick said, his erection growing instantly and Billy was laughing as Nick looked at him and held the straps tightly at the back of his head.

 

Billy reached out and he grabbed the large bulge protruding from Nick’s shorts. He was not in any state to wrestle or try to get the better of Nick physically, not that he believed he could regardless of his injuries and so this was the only thing he could think, which would change Nick’s focus or disrupt his actions. Billy began squeezing hard and stroking tip to root.

 

“Uh,” Nick moaned and his grip released and his hand fell away. It seemed as if all Billy had to do was to touch him and he would lose all control. His brain seemed to cease to function. He pushed his hips forward to feel the sensations of Billy’s delicious hand and fingers. He allowed his arms to hang at his side, his knees somehow unstable as he knelt on the mattress, his eyes rolling before closing. “Oh,” he said.

 

Billy pulled the jockstrap off his head, his smirk broad and he continued to stroke. He watched Nick succumb and initially Billy thought the reaction was over the top but then Nick’s story hit him. Apart from Dan and a couple of guys in a toilet, Nick was not experienced or used to this sort of thing. He looked at the man kneeling in front of him and yet still towering over him. He was twenty-seven, he was beautiful and he was a god in Billy’s eyes but so much had been held from him, there was so much he had missed out on and Billy could see the way he made Nick feel. It filled him with pride but he also thought he had to be the luckiest man in the world. His hand stopped without thought as he looked up at Nick’s face. Nick’s expression was lost and consumed even behind closed eyes.

 

Nick’s eyes opened in reaction to the negation of stimulation. He looked down at Billy, only to see him looking up at him. There was a strange expression on Billy’s face that Nick could not read with any certainty. In one way he looked sad and yet in another he looked almost satisfied.

 

Even though he had actually wanted to ask why he had stopped what he was doing, instead Nick asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Billy replied.

 

“Bullshit. I can practically see text forming on your face for me to read,” Nick said.

 

Billy turned his head and looked at the wall behind his bed. He still felt uncertain about what he could or could not do, even more so now that he knew Nick’s story.

 

“Out with it, Billy. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

“It’s just that sometimes I feel uncertain around you and now that you’ve told me your story and that apart from women and a few blowjobs, you’ve never done anything. I sort of feel uncertain as to how I should go about things with you,” Billy explained.

 

Nick looked at Billy and he suddenly thought of Eric again. He let his legs collapse beneath him, his body twisting and he fell onto his butt. He dragged himself farther up the bed until he was seated against the headboard. He sighed a sigh of resignation and despite his original decision to keep his encounter with Eric a secret; he was now reconsidering that decision.

 

Billy saw the unexpected change and reaction from Nick. He wondered if he had upset Nick or perhaps embarrassed him. He was not certain what to say or do and so once again he returned to humor, his ever-constant alternative to discomfort or uncertainty.

 

Joking behind a straight face, Billy said, “Have you gotten over me already?”

 

Nick did not see the humor and he asked worriedly, “What? No. Why would you ask that?”

 

“Well, we’ve been sitting in here for an hour and you haven’t held me since we got off the couch,” Billy answered and Nick saw the mischievous glint in Billy’s eyes.

 

Nick grinned and then said, “Turn your ass around, get over here between my legs and lean against my chest. You know I’m happy to hold you and I love that you want me to hold you.”

 

Billy gingerly moved across the bed and positioned himself and then slowly leaned back against Nick. Nick’s arms immediately went around him and as Billy’s head leaned on Nick’s shoulder, Nick bent and kissed the top of his head.

 

“I think I need to tell you something, Billy. The thing is, I don’t want it to change anything.

 

Not able to imagine anything that could alter the way he felt about Nick, Billy asked, “What would it change?”

 

“I don’t know, Billy. It’s just that as you now know, my life has become so different and I don’t want it to go back to being hard or filled with bitterness or any type of bad emotions. I mean I know I can’t avoid bad things but I want these new, good feelings, to last for at least a while.”

 

“Nick, I love you, so trust me to trust you. Perhaps there is a chance that you are just a dream I always wished for and I’m hanging on to sleep, like grim death does to life. Still I believe in you and I believe you love me and so I believe in us as well as what is happening here. I really don’t believe what’s between us is foolish whim and I’m not willing to let anything come between us if I can help it. I really do trust you, Nick, so trust me back.”

 

Nick looked down at the top of Billy’s head. He had never considered thoughts like those that Billy had just suggested. Trusting someone as a way of initiating strength within or believing in the trust of another as a way to alleviate doubts and fears, it made sense. It was still unsettling but it took away the edge and eased the way. He lifted his hand and he ran his fingers through the thick mass of fine, black hair. He drew the strands back over Billy’s forehead, combing them into the mix.

 

“Yum. I could let you do that to me for an eternity, Nick.”

 

Nick asked as he combed his fingernails across Billy’s scalp, “You like that?”

 

“Almost as much as I know I will like you inside of me,” Billy replied.

 

“Billy, I did something…”

 

Billy heard the way Nick’s voice dissipated in confidence and so on hearing Nick’s hesitation he said, “Trust me, Nick.”

 

Nick gave a sigh of uncertainty and said, “You know how I told you about the football team?”

 

“Yeah, it was the beginning of a new life for you,” Billy replied.

 

“Exactly but what I didn’t mention was there were a few guys on the team that I was always attracted to and used to fantasize about,” Nick began to explain.

 

“Nick, we’re guys and guys fantasize. Gay guys probably more than most.”

 

“Billy, Eric was the biggest fantasy of my life but I knew he was married and I had met Michelle and so I just couldn’t go there. I turned my fantasies to another guy, Jack, the quarterback, simply because he was really pretty.”

 

Billy said, “Pretty? I wouldn’t have pegged you for the type to like pretty?”

 

“I’m not,” Nick said.

 

“Thanks very much, Nick,” Billy replied.

 

“Billy, you’re handsome, not pretty. You’re cute as well but you’re also a stew of personality and character, whereas the guy I’m talking about is an empty shell you find on the beach and take home because of the mother of pearl design. I became obsessed with that design but really it was only because I was so lonely and so in need of intimate contact and male companionship.

 

“Anyway, to cut a long story short, Jack called me and asked me to come over to his place and talk to him. I went and he seduced me in a way, which I accepted wantonly but Billy, he wasn’t gay and he just wanted someone to suck his cock. I had wanted to be with someone so badly that even when I realized that he wasn’t the man I wanted, I still went ahead. I told you I had never looked into the eyes of someone I was with and so during that time with Jack, he was an opportunity to cross some invisible line. I wanted to kiss a man, to hold a naked man, to suck his cock and to fuck him but I really wanted to look a man in the eyes while doing it all.”

 

“I can understand that,” Billy said.

 

“Before I fell totally into his deception, I realized and left. He was not happy with what I said or that I had turned him down because Jack has an ego that would make the Grand Canyon feel insignificant and insecure. So over the next day or so, he called everyone on the team and told them I was gay and that I sort of tried to rape him,” Nick said.

 

Billy gasped and asked, “What? Are you serious?”

 

“Yeah. Anyway, there was one person on the team who really liked me even though I avoided everyone and kept to myself. Eric was that person and he came to visit me on Monday afternoon,” Nick said.

 

“Yeah, I know Nick, I saw him.”

 

“Right, well that night after he told me what was going on, I told Eric everything that you now know and as a consequence, we are now really good friends,” Nick explained further.

 

“Okay Nick but how and why should any of that change anything between you and I?”

 

“Billy, you need to remember that I didn’t understand the way I felt about you and also that I didn’t believe there could even be a chance of anything happening between us.”

 

“Yeah Nick, I’ve put the pieces together after you told me your story. I didn’t understand for a while but now it all makes so much sense to me.”

 

“Well then, over the course of that night, Eric and I revealed many things to each other, not the least was that we both were really hot for each other.”

 

“Oh,” Billy said, beginning to realize what was coming.

 

“Billy, it was such an emotional night for me. Eric was the first person I had ever actually come out to and he was the only person I had ever told absolutely everything to. Our friendship grew into something exceptional in one night but our extreme attractions to each other were also discovered.”

 

“I see,” Billy said, his disappointment hidden.

 

“Billy, we really wanted each other but I told Eric I was looking for something more.”

 

Billy asked, “Like what? I mean what do you mean?”

 

“What I think I might have with you,” Nick clarified.

 

Billy’s eyes transformed and filled with such relief and happiness. His smile could have swallowed the earth but Nick was completely unaware of the fact, as he stared across the room.

 

“Go on, Nick,” Billy said evenly.

 

“I had sex with Eric and crossed my boundaries and overcame my fears but it was what it was and nothing more. Also Billy, sure he wanted me but he really loves Michelle and he isn’t able to give himself to me or anyone else,” Nick clarified.

 

“I get it, Nick. It’s okay and I understand. I guess that’s why the two of you are so close now,” Billy said, his voice sharing an intonation of a question and a statement.

 

Nick knew that there was even more between he and Eric but he also knew that their mutual love could never be divulged or acted upon. In a way he wanted to tell Billy because he did not want to lie but he thought that Billy really did not need to know.

 

“Yeah, it is and it’s also why I don’t want to lose his friendship. Eric is too important to me and that was why I was struggling to tell you all of this. Eric was also the one who made me see what was going on between you and I and that it wasn’t what I thought it was. Eric told me to come and see you and to talk to you and open up to you. If it weren’t for Eric, I doubt we’d be sitting here now. It also means that I wouldn’t have likely come to your door while Bobby was here,” Nick explained.

 

Wanting to relieve Nick’s obvious worry, Billy said, “So Eric saved me and not you. Maybe he should be in my bed with me now and not you, Nick. I have to admit he is a very sexy man. Is he well hung?”

 

“Maybe I should have hit you and not Bobby,” Nick countered and Billy laughed.

 

“Nick, it’s okay. I understand and it’s all okay.”

 

“Are you sure because I really don’t want my boyfriend to hate my best friend,” Nick said.

 

“Man, I love it so much when you call me your boyfriend,” Billy said.

 

Nick asked seriously, “Isn’t that what we are?”

 

“I hope so, more than anything in the world” Billy replied before adding “but Nick, I really do understand and though I’m a little jealous that Eric had you before I did, I meant it when I said to you earlier that I really liked him and I think I like him even more now.”

 

“I’m glad,” Nick said with relief. “It also means that I’m not a virgin and so when the time comes, you won’t have to worry. Billy, I’m certain I’ll be able to surmount any doubts you might have about me in bed.”

 

Billy joked while trying to sound very serious, “I’m not worried about the surmounting, I’m worried about the mounting. The question is whether size really does matter, Nick?”

 

Nick said, “Well, if you’d prefer not to find out…”

 

“No. Nick, we all have to endure difficult things in life. I’m looking forward to finding out how capable I am under duress,” Billy said, grinning broadly.

 

Nick could not see Billy’s face but he was beginning to recognize his varied tones and he knew Billy was talking shit again. He pulled him tight to him and dragged his head back onto his shoulder, looking down into his upside down eyes.

 

“Mr Jackson, I think you are a cock whore like Eric and not the martyr you’re making yourself out to be. I think I might deny you your prize and I might go and search for a more deserving boyfriend,” he said and Billy chuckled.

 

“To be serious, though, Nick, I know that what you did with Eric was what you wanted to get off your chest but you did tell me after Eric had left this afternoon, once I knew the joke then you’d tell me the punch line. Well, you’ve told me the story, so what’s the ending?”

 

“I did say that but I’m adding a clause to that now. First you have to get off me and lie down on your back so that you are comfortable and if you let me kiss you like a man who is falling really hard for you, then I’ll tell you what you want to know,” Nick said seriously.

 

“Nick, really, I think that is just too much to ask of any man.”

 

“You’re a little shit, Billy.”

 

“A little shit that you love and want to kiss, Nick,” Billy replied with a chuckle.

 

“Actually the moment has past,” Nick said to gain the upper hand and immediately Billy gingerly shuffled away and lay down on his back.

 

Nick looked down into Billy’s eyes, suppressing his amusement of the boy-like man staring up at him with such desire. It was a struggle for Nick to feign disinterest or at least an impassive expression. He wanted to smile, even laugh and he wanted to sweep Billy up into his arms and then ravish him until dawn. He looked at the bandage and felt frustration but then he looked at the indigo eyes that softened him so easily. He looked at the lips that called to him and suddenly all joking swam away from his mind.

 

Nick twisted and slid down, his arm wrapped around Billy and their lips met in a marriage of love and desire. Their tongues touched like infants reaching for a mother’s warmth and their hearts quickened in unison. It was yet again another moment, pulling them into a place of no retreat. Soon after, Nick told Billy what Eric had done where his father was concerned and finally Billy knew everything. They lay together for a while but it was not too much longer before they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

 

Subsequently, so it was that Nick opened his eyes just after dawn on Thursday and on registering where he was, he rolled over. He glanced at Billy who was still asleep beside him. He looked so peaceful and so handsome. Nick thought Billy was becoming even more handsome with each passing day. His erection grew with the sight of him. He sighed quietly and looked at the injuries wrapped in white. He knew if it were not for them he would be lunging on top of Billy and awakening him with lust and desire that was now about to burst into a conflagration to challenge Hades inferno.

 

Nick glanced down and saw the erection. It had nothing to do with Billy’s chest or his injuries and taking it into his mouth presented no danger or discomfort to Billy. Like a horse wearing blinkers, Nick now could only think of what was in his line of sight. He moved quietly but with speed, his arms arching around on either side of Billy’s thighs and his mouth opening and devouring before becoming soft and sensuous.

 

Seconds were all it took for Billy’s eyes to snap open in a strange union of shock and desirous pleasure. He gasped, looked down and when he saw Nick with his erection in his mouth, he was then filled with lust and love combined. He suddenly thought he appreciated the guys in the toilets whose cocks Nick had sucked. Nick was no virgin in this department, he knew exactly what he was doing and was already driving him wild with desire. Billy let his head retreat into the pillow, his eyes staring at some stain on his ceiling he had never noticed before. He allowed the sensations of his cock in Nick’s mouth, to take him to a place where the heart beat fast, where the body tensed and relaxed and also where thoughts swirled uncontrolled.

 

If there were one thing that existed within Billy, as Nick caused every drop of blood in his body to heat and thicken and course in a tangible way, it was the sense of feeling that was connected to and yet separated from the sexual act. It was different to all the other boys and men in Billy’s life previously. It was not just physical or sexual or fantastic. It caused his heart to pound in a way that was both figurative and literal. It was bringing his emotions to life. He felt his own power of being but he also felt a strange sense of wanting to give that power to the man who was piloting this new journey.

 

A voice inside his head told Billy that giving his power to another was not recommended. He understood the thought but he also understood that when the head, the heart, the body and perhaps even the soul, all combined with the notion of love, it seemed natural to want to give yourself to another completely. Billy suddenly wondered if he had already reached the pinnacle of his love for Nick.

 

Nick was aware that Billy had awoken and how much he seemed to be enjoying what he was doing to him. He had also noticed a new difference immediately following taking Billy into his mouth. Though the bulk of his focus was on experiencing Billy and of taking from him while also giving to him, there was a distinct difference within this experience.

 

Blowjobs at the beat had been hot and horny but that was all. Blowjobs to Eric a couple of nights previous had been wonderful, wanton and very emotional as well but here, with Billy, Nick felt like he was drowning in emotions. He had gone down on Billy with nothing but desire in mind and even though the desire was still there, somehow it seemed secondary. It was strange and new to Nick but once again, this with Billy was different.

 

Billy’s hand moved instinctively and involuntarily, bumping into Nick’s hand by his hip. He instantly reached for it and Nick offered it, their fingers lacing together, grasping warmly but tightly. It was an unexpected display of importance and of a deepening connection taking place simultaneously. Again it was a confirmation and Billy smiled as his passions continued to rise to explosive proportions. At the same time Nick was becoming lost within a mixture of lust and love while his feelings for Billy seemed would grow and exist perpetually.

 

Billy suddenly moaned with delight, gasped with an intake of extreme breath and then his body began to jolt forcefully. Pulses of pleasure shot throughout his body while an explosive release shot out of it. A moment later Nick’s name became a repetitive utterance that filled his room with all the emotion that could wrap around it.

 

Nick’s erection moistened the sheet beneath him and he pressed his weight against it. His own need for release was dismissed as secondary. He was aware it was Billy, Billy’s needs and also Billy’s release that were primary. He swallowed the liquid warmth but something deep inside him wanted something more. His lips and tongue continued to work toward the appropriation of the mysterious desire, which Nick was yet to realize was beyond achievement in physical terms. The climax ended.

 

Nick moved up the bed, kissing Billy’s body all the way until the bandage once again interfered. He skipped past and kissed his neck and then as his lips joined with Billy’s, his arm pulled Billy closer and he felt as if he had finally been given a glimpse of the treasure that he had denied himself for years.

 

To be continued...