Chapter 7 

 

The core of the city looked good, she thought; however, as they drove through the older outlying areas of what had once been an industrial centre, she thought it was downright heartbreaking to see the residual effects of decay, after years of neglect and blithe disregard. The remnants of the extreme down times of Detroit were still highly visible throughout the surrounds. The shell of the original and now completely unused train station, which had once been a social hub and perhaps even a monument amidst late nineteenth to early twentieth century architecture; she considered as downright shameful. She could only imagine what it looked like on the inside, if the outside looked the way it did.

 

The woman in the passenger seat beside her glanced across at the driver surreptitiously. She was studying her face, a face she considered as Michelle Pfeiffer-like but fully aware of the overtly critical and judgmental attitudes, which the driver was considering towards government departments that had been in charge during the eighties. Ann cared to a lesser extent, though.

 

Ann looked at the bobbed, blonde hair that curved around the face like a silk shell and then she glanced down at the well looked after and stunning body of a woman in her forties. She loved her so much and it had taken a little less than the first two weeks of the three months she had known her, to fall this hard and so completely for her.

 

Ann could still hardly believe that she had found the beautiful woman beside her. She was a woman that Ann thought would never have been tempted to cross the line but she had and she had crossed it with a firm resolve and an open mind. She had done so without question of the social consequences and without the limitations of personal, moral insecurities.

 

Honey turned briefly away from the road and looked at Ann. She suddenly felt the covert drilling of Ann’s eyes into her with admiration. It made her flush with a heat of esteem. Knowing how much Ann loved her and also a little to her own surprise, how much she loved Ann as well, she felt that standard rise of sexual and emotional temperature, which always happened now. It made her feel like she had years ago when she was younger and also, how it made her feel so good to feel it again.

 

Honey asked with a feigned irritation, “What?”

 

“Nothing,” Ann said. “Just admiring the view.”

 

“Oh please. It’s an old view and not that interesting,” Honey said.

 

“It’s not that old but I find it wonderfully interesting,” Ann replied.

 

Honey looked at her and rolled her eyes but her heart was smiling brightly. She removed one hand from the steering wheel and clasped Ann’s hand in hers.

 

“I know how much it bother’s you, Hon. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it. It bothers me too, though probably to a lesser degree than it bothers you but you know what our modern society is like. You know that it bows only to the god of money and everything else be damned.”

 

Honey said with heated emotion in her voice, “I know Ann, I do but it just pisses me off. Did you see that train station earlier and can you imagine what it must have looked like?

 

“Yes I saw it and in all seriousness, it was a crime but that is the way of the world, so please don’t let it upset you, Hon,” Ann said.

 

“Yes, you’re right, I know,” Honey said and squeezed her lover’s hand.

 

Abruptly changing the subject, Ann asked, “What if Billy doesn’t like me and what if he can’t accept that I drew you across to the dark side?”

 

“Sweetheart, you’re forgetting that he’s gay and that he’ll probably want to pin a medal on you. I told you that after my divorce I was alone for years. I was waiting for the man of my dreams to appear and of course he never did. Often after Billy and I got to know each other, he always said that I should try women. Who’d have guessed that the little shit would’ve been right? Ann, I swear that you’ll love him. He’s the sweetest and most down to earth guy I’ve ever met. I just hope he doesn’t change too much as he gets older. I know he’ll like you, so stop your worrying.”

 

“Okay but if I’m going to meet this friend of yours, maybe you should tell me about him so that when you get into a conversation, I’ll have some idea of what it is that the two of you will be talking about. Honey, you could also let me know why you’re worried about him and why we’re paying him this surprise visit?

 

“Ann, why would you think I was worried about him?”

 

“Hon, we may have only been together for just on three months but I think I know you well enough to know when something is bothering you. There was also your sudden desire for both of us to take time off work to visit him out of the blue. Then there was the fact of how you were so pushy to get me to go to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, to take a closer look at the job offer,” Ann explained.

 

Honey looked at Ann, conceding with a smile before she began a brief explanation.

 

“Billy’s from Kentucky. He has a brother named Bobby and when they were teenagers, Bobby used to beat Billy up. Billy became very afraid of him and then when he realized he was gay, he went to boarding school to get away. Billy is not religious but his family is. They’re Evangelists and apparently Bobby became rather fanatical while Billy was away at school. When he finished school and returned home, Billy heard Bobby ranting about gay people, saying that they all needed to be put down like diseased animals.”

 

Ann asked rhetorically, “What is it with people like that?”

 

“I know. So anyway, when Billy turned nineteen, he moved to Illinois without a word to his family and Bobby came looking for him. Billy was lucky because he saw him and ran and that was when he showed up in Cleveland where I met him. He moved in and we became the best of friends but Bobby located him again. Luck was obviously on Billy’s side because he was at work and I was off sick. I recognized Bobby from a photo and told him that Billy had moved away. Billy is absolutely terrified of his brother and so two days later he was gone again and that was how he came to be in Detroit,” Honey explained.

 

“I will never understand narrow minded people,” Ann said.

 

“It was only two weeks before I met you that he left and so he has been in Detroit for three months. He’s still scared that Bobby will find him again and he believes that if Bobby does find him, he’ll kill him,” Honey said.

 

With a shocked voice Ann said, “My goodness. Do you think that’s true?”

 

“I can’t say for certain and I suppose it could be just Billy’s fear talking, however, I still have to take into account what Bobby has done in the past and also that he kept searching for him. When I spoke to Bobby at the front door, he was so angry and as a consequence of that first and only impression, I have to say that I wouldn’t rule it out as a possibility,” Honey replied.

 

Ann asked, “So is that why we’re here? Has Bobby found him?”

 

“No, Ann. There are a couple of reasons. First I want to see him again because I miss him and second, I want you to meet each other. I also have a good feeling and I really think you should take a look at the job offer. As for the rest of it, I want to see if I can help him out of the slump I think he’s in,” Honey said and paused.

 

After thinking for a moment she continued, “Let me try to explain. Billy is absolutely smitten with his next-door-neighbor. Some man named Nick. He thinks Nick is straight and he sounds straight to me the way Billy talks about him but irrespective, Billy seems to do little other than sit around wishing his fantasy would come true. He’s twenty-four and he should be out humping every guy with a pulse or at least trying to find a boyfriend but from what I can gather from our phone calls, he’s not going out and socializing or much of anything. At least he’s responsible and is maintaining his job and security.”

 

Ann asked, “So what do you hope to achieve from our visit?”

 

“I want to try and stick a verbal rocket up his ass and get him out and moving again,” Honey replied.

 

“I understand. You’re a good friend and it sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I doubt I will be of any help but you have my full support. Anything I can do to contribute though, just let me know,” Ann offered.

 

“Thank you, Ann. Billy is very important to me,” Honey said and then she lifted Ann’s hand within hers and kissed it tenderly with love.

 

For quite some time there had been many questions in Ann’s mind about Billy. During their short time together, Honey had always seemed to avoid speaking about him and Ann always had this feeling that she was being kept in the dark. Here and now, though, hearing the final statement about Billy’s importance to her, only compounded Ann’s feeling that perhaps there was more to this situation than met the eye. The other thing was that if she were right and if it were the case, it did not make sense why Honey had asked her to join her on this trip. She decided it was finally time to try to clear the uncertainty from her mind.

 

Ann said questioningly, though tentatively, “Hon?”

 

Honey replied, “Yeah babe?”

 

“I’m not upset about this, just a little curious, really. You see, Honey, I don’t understand why you never speak to me about Billy. I mean you just said to me that Billy was very important to you and yet you’ve barely mentioned him in the entire time we’ve been together. I’m your girlfriend and though I don’t want to sound possessive, I do want to know about all aspects of your life, even if for whatever reason I can’t be a part of them. I know that if Billy were my friend, based on the little you’ve just told me, I would be concerned about him as well and yet you’ve never told me any of what is going on with him.

 

“Up until now, Hon, all I thought was he was an old friend that you kept in touch with regularly. I believed that was the case because when I asked you about him, those were your exact words. Honey, I trust you completely, I love you with all my heart and I believe that you love me as well, so if there’s some reason why you don’t want to talk about him with me, I would appreciate it if you would explain it to me.

 

“I was more than happy and willing to take the time off work and take this trip with you. There is nowhere else I would rather be than with you right now but Billy is obviously a very close friend and because he lives interstate, you’ve been able to maintain silence where he was concerned. What I really don’t understand is if you don’t want to let me into this area of your life, why did you ask me to accompany you in the first place?”

 

“Oh Ann. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel the way I obviously have. I wasn’t trying to conceal some deep, dark secret from you and certainly not about Billy. There is one thing that I’ve hidden but it is more about me than Billy. I haven’t just hidden it from you; I’ve also hidden it from Billy. It’s the reason why I needed to let you in on what’s going on before we got there. I was actually going to bring the subject up very soon. I knew I had to because I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea when we arrived at his home. You see I know exactly what is going to happen when we get there and when it does, I need you to understand.”

 

“Hon, I’m completely lost,” Ann said.

 

“I know you are. You see, Ann, in my opinion Billy is in a bad way. He is somewhat of a romantic and his obsession with this man named Nick, is battering that part of him incessantly. For the first time since I met Billy, I perceive him very differently. Our phone conversations over the last couple of months have begun to show me more of who he really is. Understand that when he lived with me in Cleveland, he had boyfriends and he had sex and in that respect he was like many gay men but he had never been in love and never felt the true nature of the heart. Suddenly, despite the unfortunate circumstances with his neighbor, I think he has been getting a taste of the heart for the last three months. I’m not even sure that he’s fully aware it’s happening but I can hear it in his voice and in the things he says. So as a consequence of his being alone and therefore what I assumed he was feeling, I made a choice.”

 

Still completely confused, as she watched Honey’s expression become cautious, Ann asked, “About what?”

 

“Please try and understand what I’m about to tell you and know that it’s not about you. Ann, Billy doesn’t know about you and me or even that I’ve met you. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him when he seemed so displaced from the young man I’d come to know. I thought things would change and get better and that I could then tell him later but instead, things seemed to get worse. Now I’m dragging you across state lines to meet him and I have to deal with the consequences of keeping a secret, regardless of my motives,” Honey said.

 

Confusion filled Ann’s eyes and she said, “I don’t understand why you and I being together would have an influence on Billy?”

 

“I know. I’m trying to be detailed in this explanation to you but I’m also hedging at the same time. What I’m trying to explain less than clearly, is that with the way he seemed so sad and lost about his feelings for his neighbor, I just couldn’t bring myself to be all happy and in love when he sounded so unhappy and alone,” Honey finally explained.

 

Ann’s whole facial expression changed as it suddenly became clear to her and she said, “Oh, right. Hon, you don’t have to explain any further. I really do understand and I think it was very sweet of you to worry about how he would feel but I do have one question. Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Ann, I know it’s been almost three months that we’ve been together; it’s just that in the beginning, when all of this began to take place, I didn’t know you as well as I do now. I was putting off telling Billy about us and then I was putting off telling you that I hadn’t told him about us and then eventually, it sort of became out of sight, out of mind. Before I knew it, I was afraid you might think badly of me and think I was embarrassed by you and that simply wasn’t true,” Honey clarified further.

 

Ann laughed but it was relief from doubt and so she said, “I understand Honey and though I don’t think I would have reacted badly, I get why you were uncertain. Everything is clear now, though. If there was even the slightest hint of insecurity on my part, it’s gone now. Thank you for clearing all of that up for me.”

 

“Again, Ann, I’m sorry if I caused you any doubts.”

 

Ann looked Honey in the eyes and smiled warmly. It was already forgotten on her part and so she said, “It’s fine but I guess that means that when we see Billy, you’re going to tell him about us.”

 

“Yes it does. It’ll be a relief to finally tell him but I also know he won’t be happy that I’ve kept him in the dark about it,” Honey said.

 

“Well, when you explain why, I’m sure he’ll understand,” Ann replied.

 

“I don’t know if I can explain why. I mean it will sound like I was treating him like a child and like I didn’t believe in him or trust him. I’m also worried that because he’s still in the same frame of mind, then if I was wrong, it will put the thought in his head that wasn’t there in the first place,” Honey suggested.

 

“It’s a quandary but maybe you can hold off with the truth until his life gets better. Everything changes eventually and when it finally does, you can explain to him how his circumstances made you feel,” Ann said.

 

“Well that’s what I was thinking,” Honey said and then went quiet.

 

Ann thought it best to let it go for the time being and so she changed the subject instantly and said, “You know, every time you mention that you were married, I still find it difficult to believe.”

 

Honey asked, “Why?”

 

“I just can’t imagine you with anyone but me and certainly not with a man,” Ann clarified.

 

“Well, I don’t consider myself gay or even bisexual for that matter. The truth is, I don’t consider myself straight either. I don’t view myself from the perspective of sexuality. However, following what is now almost three months with you, I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else, man or woman,” Honey said.

 

“You know, even though I understand what you just said, I can’t relate to not considering myself a sexuality. Technically it does mean that you’re bisexual because you can have sex with either gender but knowing you, knowing the way you think and also the person you are, I actually do get it,” Ann replied.

 

“Ann, I’ve come to a conclusion about that. Sex is a simple matter for me but as important as it is, a relationship isn’t about the sex. Sure it is a strong influence but for me it’s about the emotions and the feelings toward the person I love. Therefore, I decided that I’m less bi-sexual and more bi-emotional.

 

“Ann, I love you, not your gender or the type of sex we’re capable of having. Whether you have a penis or a vagina has nothing to do with why I’m with you. You satisfy me sexually and emotionally regardless but it’s who you are, it’s your mind, your heart and body and it is also your nature, personality and character that made me fall in love with you,” Honey explained.

 

“Now that last part I can really relate to,” Ann said.

 

Honey pondered and then said, “Sometimes I wish human beings didn’t require all the categorizations and that they could simply let things be. Why do we even need to tag everything and why are some people so afraid of differences? Are they so insecure in themselves and so lacking in self-acceptance that their only choice is to attack what they don’t understand?”

 

“That seems to be the case, Hon,” Ann said and then for a few minutes silence followed.

 

“God, can you believe this day and this weather? Winter’s not even over and yet it’s like we’re in the middle of spring or the beginning of summer,” Honey said.

 

“Yes, it is but tell me, Hon, not that I’m bored or bothered by the sight seeing tour of the new and old areas of Detroit but when do we plan on going to Billy’s?”

 

Honey said, “Shit. Do I always leave you in the dark like this?”

 

“No, Hon. It’s only been in regard to this trip.”

 

Honey asked, “Why didn’t you question me? Surely you didn’t think it was okay to accept my leading you around like a blind woman?”

 

“No but I trust you and because it was so out of the ordinary for you to be so quiet, I thought I’d wait and let it all unfold,” Ann explained.

 

“Ann, if there’s anything you’ve been wondering about or questioning about my life or this trip then go ahead and ask me. To answer your question, though, it’s four o’clock and Billy finishes his shift at the restaurant at four. He told me it takes him thirty minutes to get home, so I think if we arrive at five than we should be fine. I think a half hour should be long enough for him to get home, relax and unwind a little, before we get there and surprise him.”

 

Ann nodded and smiled and then she turned and looked out the window at the passing city before she said, “Actually, there is one other thing about this visit that I’m concerned about?”

 

Honey glanced her way and asked, “What’s that?”

 

Ann questioned, “Where are we going to stay for the duration?”

 

“I’ve thought about that and though initially I thought we’d stay with Billy, it occurred to me that he lives in a one-bedroom apartment and because I don’t want to put him out or create unneeded problems, I thought we could book into a motel somewhere in or on the outskirts of the city,” Honey explained.

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Ann said satisfied.

 

“I love how easy you are,” Honey said sincerely.

 

“I’m not the one who accepted the drunken overtures of a strange woman to have a hot night between the sheets,” Ann replied and giggled.

 

“You know that wasn’t what I meant, Ann. However, you’re the one who is forever wanting to hop between those sheets every chance you can get.”

 

“It’s the kangaroo in me,” Ann said.

 

“Well, it’s okay Ann because I’ve become accustomed to your pouch,” Honey said.

 

“Get used to it baby girl, because I plan for it to be around you for a long time to come,” Ann replied.

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Honey said and then she smiled as her eyes returned to a more concentrated focus on the road.

 

To be continued...