Chapter 6
The Headland

 

 

Ben stood quietly waiting for Eli just inside the door to the café. He was not a tall man but he had a thickset and hard, muscular body. He had fine but thick and swirling, black hair that gleamed when light shone onto it. He was also a very handsome, young man. He was looking through the glass pane of the door and out at the street and though he was fundamentally happy and content, a frown filled his face.

 

“God I hate the rain,” he said quietly to no one, as he watched it falling softly but incessantly.

 

“Don’t be negative, it’s just water and it’s essential to our survival as a species,” Eli said, as he walked up behind Ben after paying the bill.

 

“I’m not being negative, I just hate the rain. I want warm spring days year long and for all other weather to be rescinded,” Ben said casually.

 

“Well if that’s what Ben wants then I guess that’s the way it should be,” Eli replied sarcastically.

 

“Do you want me to continue loving you?”

 

“Of course,” Eli said curiously.

 

“Do you want me to induce multiple orgasms for you all the time?”

 

“Absolutely,” Eli said excitedly, as he licked his lips behind Ben.

 

“Well then, I suggest you keep your sarcastic remarks to yourself or I’ll have to dump you and find someone better.”

 

Eli smiled softly behind Ben and said, “Sorry my sweet and adorable Ben but it’s too late. You love me too much already and you tell me that all the time, so I’d guess I don’t have anything to worry about and I can be as sarcastic as I want to be.”

 

“I hate you,” Ben said falsely.

 

“I love you,” Eli replied while smiling at the reaction and then wrapped his arms around Ben, cradling his back against his chest.

 

“This is just so wrong that I should need you and want you so much. It’s practically an obsession. We’ve been together for just over a year and you still make my heart beat like it did on the day we met,” Ben said.

 

“I’ll tell you a secret, Ben, I feel the same and I don’t think I could live without you,” Eli replied.

 

“If you left me for any reason, you’d have someone in your bed on the same day. You’re just too hot and if I wasn’t a ball and chain around your neck and giving fuck-off looks to any guy that looks twice at you, a row of new guys would be lining up to have you and to take my place,” Ben said insecurely while believing he was right.

 

Eli joked, “Only a row, how big a row?”

 

“Fuck you,” Ben said with a huff.

 

“I must need to get my eyes checked. How come I haven’t seen these guys that look twice at me?”

 

“You’re such an arsehole at times, Eli.”

 

“My beautiful Ben, I’m kidding and I don’t want anyone else. Nineteen years it took me to find you and one year isn’t enough. I’ll never let you go, even if I have to embrace bondage and chain you to the bed. You’re mine and nothing and nobody is going to take you away from me,” Eli replied.

 

“Nice recovery,” Ben said followed by a snicker.

 

Eli turned Ben in his arms and kissed him heatedly. After only a few seconds Ben pulled away and his face was flushed and he was breathing heavily.

 

“Don’t do that. We’re out in public and you’re giving me a hard-on,” Ben whispered in embarrassment.

 

“Only giving you one? I’ve already got one and as for us being out in public, we’re on Oxford Street for God’s sake and the majority of guys on this street at the moment have erections and so I’m sure we’ll fit right in,” Eli replied.

 

“Let’s go,” Ben ordered, suppressing his laughter.

 

“Spoil sport,” Eli said and then twisting Ben around, he ushered him out of the café and onto the footpath.

 

Ben huffed and complained the moment they stepped out from beneath the awning to cross the street and the rain began to fall on him. Eli chuckled and swung his arm around Ben’s shoulders and pulled him close to him. He tried to curl his larger body over Ben so he would not get wet. They navigated the traffic as they crossed the road and made it to the other side safely.

 

“There you go, you barely got a drop on you,” Eli said, as he released his hold on Ben.

 

“My hero,” Ben replied and then he grabbed Eli at the V of his polo shirt and pulled him down and kissed him as hard and as passionately as he could.

 

“Holy shit,” Eli said, his face flushed red, his eyes surprised and hungry.

 

“There you go, Eli, now I’ve got a hard-on too.”

 

“From just one kiss? My self-esteem has just risen a notch and so has my cock,” Eli said.

 

“Only a notch? Just wait until I get you home, Eli. By the time I’m finished with your cock, it’ll need days to recover.”

 

Eli asked, straight-faced, “Who’s going to fuck you then?”

 

“There’s plenty of guys in Sydney if I need a new piece of meat,” Ben replied.

 

“You’re a bad boy, Ben. As a consequence, tonight you’re going without sex. In fact, I think I might withhold sex for the next couple of days to teach you a lesson,” Eli said, as they began walking again.

 

“Yeah, right, like you could forego proving to me how exceptional you are in bed. We both know you can make me come without even touching my cock. We also both know it strokes your ego and turns you on even more, because you know it proves how crazy I am about you. Still, I suppose if you don’t want my tight arse crushing your fat cock tonight or even for the next couple of days, then I guess I’ll just have to suffer,” Ben replied, his following smile about as cocky as a boxer during the pre-fight media conference.

 

Eli was now bone-hard. He was turned on to the max and he wished they were at home so he could make Ben explode.

 

“This is wrong,” Eli said. “How is it that you’re the one with me wrapped around your finger? I’m certain it was meant to be the other way around. I’m the top and you’re the bottom and you should be falling at my feet,” Eli said.

 

Ben ran a couple of metres forward and spun around to look at Eli and then he bowed as if confronted by audience applause. He stood back up, grinning knowingly while waiting for Eli to say something and also to catch up to him.

 

“How could I not be crazy and madly in love with you. I’d give you anything you want and do anything you want, as long as I always get to see those blue eyes and also that smile of yours,” Eli said.

 

Referencing the term of endearment Eli had given his smile, Ben asked, “My crooked smile?”

 

“Of course,” Eli replied sincerely, as he reached Ben’s position.

 

Ben began to turn back around to assume the same direction they were walking. He looked up at Eli and gave him the smile double barrelled but as he did, his foot slid out from under him where a river of water was streaming down the footpath. His body began to fall backwards and as Eli reached to grab him, Ben’s other foot slid from beneath him as well and he fell from the path directly into the street. He did not even have time to hit the road before the grill of a large car slammed into his falling body. The grill bent and twisted around him before the driver hit the breaks and screeched to a stop. Ben’s body dropped from the front of the car onto the road and he was dead.

 

Eli ran to where the car had finally stopped but the moment he looked at Ben, he knew. His legs crumpled and he fell onto his knees and in shocked silence, his eyes overflowed and there he stayed, oblivious to the voices around him or to the stranger’s hands holding him supportively.

 

Eli did not move from his position lying on the grass of the headland. He squeezed his eyelids to keep them closed and to stop the tears he knew were trying to escape his eyes. His heart broke temporarily once more, before he swallowed the feelings down hard. He could not believe he was feeling these feelings again. He thought that he had buried the feelings and the memories so deep, they would never touch him, influence him or interfere with him again. Unfortunately, here they were, stabbing him like the sharpest blade again. He dug his fingernails into his thighs and bit his tongue until the physical pain disrupted the memory.

 

Eli knew why the memory had played out again. Dane had taken him to the place he was not allowed to go. He did not blame Dane, it was not his fault and he had no idea what he was instigating with his tender loving. The problem was it only confirmed to Eli that there was no other alternative.

 

Keeping his eyes closed, he rubbed the back of his hands over them, squeezing the excess water from beneath his eyelids. When he had once again achieved some control, he sat up and inhaled deeply, wishing he could remove the empty space that existed inside of him.

 

Eli looked down at the deserted beach and it made him feel just as empty. He sighed loudly. He was always alone no matter how many people he was with and so he thought that he should not be feeling bothered that he was alone now. He saw Dane’s face in his mind again but he shook it off and pushed it away. He felt his skin tingle, as a sudden cool breeze caressed across his hot and sweat covered skin. It reminded him of the way Dane touched his body.

 

The memories of Dane were frustrating. He was just a guy after all. A really hot guy at that but still he was just a guy. Why should Dane be any different and why did he have the ability to make him feel. Why did Dane’s pain touch him when everyone suffered pain?

 

Enforcing a confirming thought, Eli told himself he had done the right thing. The moment Dane had left the room to use the toilet; Eli knew he had to run. He had put on his shorts and runners and swiftly but quietly slipped out of the house. He was frustrated that he had left his van in the city and gone with Dane in his car but he knew he could retrieve it later. Second-guessing the direction he needed to go, he ran in a different direction just in case Dane came looking for him. He decided if he went somewhere and waited for a time, if Dane did search for him, it would be a search in the direction of the city. Eli thought he could return to the city and to his car later and he would be safe.

 

Eli let his body drop backwards and he lay back on his singlet again. He closed his eyes as he tried to dismiss the feelings for the stranger that had somehow gotten to him. His mind was a tangled web of contrary thoughts. He wanted to go back and it was not about the sex. He really liked Dane and such an enormous part of him felt as if he had done the wrong thing but at the same time, Dane terrified him.

 

With certainty, Eli knew that if Dane could get to him like this in a few hours, he could only guess at how Dane would affect him over an extended period of time. If he allowed himself to submit to those feelings for Dane, then he would be opening himself up to the pain he felt through Ben’s loss and to the weakness his father had taught him to avoid.

 

“You did the right thing. You had to leave,” he said quietly.

 

Eli considered there was also his lifestyle. He did not have a permanent residence or a normal life. He also was a thief and he lived minute-to-minute and day-to-day. How could he force that onto someone like Dane? The guy was obviously smart, confident and lived well. He was too nice a guy to deserve the shit that would accompany his involvement in his life. They were worlds apart, a breed apart.

 

“You can’t go back to him,” he said loudly, a moment after he considered the alternative.

 

His mind suddenly went back to their brief conversation before Dane had gone to use the toilet. It was not an important conversation, it was just words and humour to change what they both had been feeling and yet, as they talked, it was as if they were becoming closer and Eli had begun to think about how much he liked Dane and how at ease he felt with him. The truth was that Eli knew that if he had stayed there and fucked Dane again, it would have been almost impossible for him to leave or to not want to see him again.

 

“Shit,” he said regretfully and once again it was out loud before it vanished into the blackness of the night.

 

He wanted to see Dane again right now and he wanted to feel the way Dane touched him. In all honesty, which was hard for Eli to even admit, he wanted to feel the feelings that Dane made him feel. They were frightening but they just felt so damned good.

 

“It doesn’t matter how much you like him or how good he makes you feel, you’re carrying too much emotional baggage for him to have to contend with,” he yelled in frustration, as he lay there with his eyes closed and feeling almost angry from all the thoughts that were running through his head.

 

With an obvious degree of anger in his voice, Dane asked, “Shouldn’t I have some say in what matters, particularly in regard to myself, my life and what I’m capable of contending with?”

 

Eli jumped as he heard the voice and recognised it immediately. His eyes sprung open and he sat up abruptly. He turned and was stunned to see Dane standing about two metres away, his arms crossed over his chest and a look of confusion on his moonlit face.

 

Eli twisted toward him, his mouth hanging open and guilt rewriting the expression on his face. It was not just an average guilt either. Eli felt plagued with it. He wanted to say something but his mind was blank of any words except for sorry and that word seemed pathetic and useless. He remained silent, guilt-ridden and in shock.

 

“No reasons, no excuses, not even a sorry? Surely there must be something you’d like to say to me? Tell me I’m a dud fuck and that’s why you left. Tell me I’m a liar for not telling you the truth in the first place. Tell me you just don’t like me. Tell me anything,” Dane spat with a mixed tone of anger and hurt.

 

Staring intently at Eli, Dane had stopped speaking, not because he did not have anything more to say but because he was hoping that Eli would answer. With the moon shining directly onto Eli’s upturned face, Dane could see him clearly and he could even detect an almost pained expression but when the silence between them seemed to be stretching toward eternity, Dane sighed and spoke again.

 

“You just said it doesn’t matter how much you liked me but it seems to me that you didn’t really like me enough, otherwise you’d still be in my bedroom instead of running off into the night. You know what? I may have lied to you in the beginning but at least I had the balls to stand up to you and face you eye-to-eye, even at the expense of what you could have said to me - but this? Running away like some kid that’s afraid of getting into trouble from his father, well that’s pretty pathetic,” he said, spouting many of the thoughts that had gone through his mind after finding Eli no longer in the house.

 

Eli felt bad but the final remark about a father struck him deeply. In normal circumstances he would have been furious but coming from Dane, it just hurt as it hit home way too accurately. It stung him with truth.

 

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t you, it wasn’t about you and there’s nothing wrong with you, Dane. It was all about me and about all the things you somehow brought to the surface within me. I didn’t want to leave and that was why I had to.”

 

“What? What is that supposed to mean? What sort of enigmatic bullshit is that?”

 

“It doesn’t matter. I doubt I could explain it to you anyway. I can barely understand it myself,” Eli replied.

 

Dane’s expression turned to one of complete frustration. He was not even angry at the statement or the choice to make it. He was frustrated because he wanted Eli to try, he wanted Eli to come back but most of all, he was frustrated because Eli was making no attempt whatsoever.

 

Shaking his head at the futility of the chance he had held onto, as he stood watching Eli before he let him know he was standing nearby, Dane became resigned that there seemed little chance or hope. Without another word, he turned on his heel and walked away. He heard Eli call his name but he ignored it, got into his car and soon he was driving, disappointedly, back to the loneliness of his home.

 

Eli was still staring in the direction of the road and as he heard Dane’s car start and then drive away, for the second time that night, Eli loosed an extended roar of the single word, “Fuck.” He was so frustrated with himself but he was also fuming with anger because of the position he was in.

 

Turning around, Eli looked out over the water. It was sometime after midnight and the sea looked as black as his heart felt. His eyes scanned left to right across the surface but came to rest on the reflection of the moon that formed a long, silver-blue stripe across the bay. The moon was more or less behind him, positioned where he had run from. The reflection continued unbroken all the way across to the land on the other side.

 

As Eli gazed at the mesmerising movement of the reflection, as it glistened and twinkled, an unexpected thought occurred to him. The reflective light was like a signpost. It was a road of guiding light. He looked across the water toward the unknown land mass and he thought that what was in front of him was a future offering only the unknown. His eyes drew back to the headland and then he turned in the opposite direction and looked up at the moon. It seemed to be sitting right above where Dane’s home was positioned and he thought that if he followed the light back to its source, it would lead him to something familiar.

 

“No, you can’t,” he whispered to himself in fear.

 

“Yeah, I can,” he replied loudly and decisively.

 

He felt an extraordinary fear fill him but he dismissed it as if it were not even there. He stood up, bent and retrieved his singlet, tucked it into the back of his shorts and then with certainty, he began to walk back toward the road. He did not run. He was no longer the running man, he was now the returning man and though he still feared what this could mean, he was far more afraid of how Dane would react to him. He walked with pace up the road that had led him to the headland and that was now returning him to Dane.

 

To be continued...