Finding Love: A Journey
By: Scotty
(Copyright 2007 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 11

When I returned to the kitchen after leaving Brad, I found Sadie preparing food for a light dinner.  She smiled at me, stopped what she was doing and came to me, hugging me warmly.  She whispered in my ear,

“Sorry for the surprise, but your father didn’t want you to know he was coming home so early.  It’s complicated, Jacob, but after your father talks with you, things will become clearer.  You’re all tensed up,  Try to relax.”

I snorted, moved a little away from Sadie and told her about what was happening when my father knocked at the door to my suite.  Sadie gasped, then actually laughed.

“You must have been frightened,” she said.

“Frightened?  I thought Brad was going to pass out.  He was really scared and upset.  And, Sadie, I was really upset, too.  I mean, we were both naked and enjoying ourselves.  No, we weren’t having sex, just holding each other.  I just took over, ordered Brad into the bathroom to dress, pulled on my clothes and answered the door.

“I hugged Diane and gave her a kiss which she returned.  Dad just wanted to know who owned the Mustang and whether I had a girl in my room.  Diane told him to try to control himself, and I was just about to spill the beans when Brad appeared at the door and took over.  Then you appeared, Brad left and here I am.

Sadie looked at me carefully, then took my hand and led me toward the  living room.  It wasn’t where I wanted to go. I would have preferred to go to my room, hide out and wait for Brad to call.  But I knew I had to face my father so that he could explain whatever was so important.  I wondered if I would be put in a position where I had to declare my sexual preference  which would identify Brad as my boyfriend.  Diane already knew and I wondered if she had said anything to my father.  As we reached the living room, Sadie said,

“It’s time, Jacob.  Do and say what you must.  Just remember that your father loves you.”

When I walked into the room Diane and my father were sitting together on the sofa.  Whatever they were discussing turned immediately into silence.

“Dad, Diane, I’m so happy to see you both.  I hope that Paris was as wonderful as it’s made out to be.  Brad liked both of you.” I said as my face got red.

“He seems like such a nice young man,” said Diane.

“He seemed like an okay guy,” my father added.

I smiled widely, and my heart beat a little faster.  ‘They liked him.  Thank God!’ I thought.

My father stood up and walked over to me.  “I have a couple of surprises for you tonight, Jacob.  Diane, please come here.” he said.  Diane smiled at me and joined us in the center of the room.  The lights from across the intracoastal were beginning to flicker on as daylight began to fade into duck.

My father put one arm around me and another around Diane.  He smiled and looked as pleasant as I could remember.

“Jacob,” he said, I wanted to tell you myself that I married Diane this weekend.  I hope you’ll be happy for us.” 

I just stood there in a sort of stupor.  I sensed that Diane was aware of my discomfort even if my father wasn’t.

Diane moved to me and hugged me.  I hugged her back.  My father seemed pleased that I did that.

“It’s a lot to absorb, isn’t it, Jacob?  I hope that you will accept me as a member of the family.  But, Jacob, I will not try to take the place of your mother.  I will help you in anyway I can.  I want to be your friend if you will let me,” Diane said. 

I hugged her again and kissed her on the cheek.

“I want to be your friend, too, Diane.  I know that you will make my father happy and give him someone to share his life with,” I said. 

I then turned to my father and hugged him.

“I’m happy for you, Dad.  I’ve always wanted you to be happy and I was never able to help you.  I’m sorry I am such a disappointment to you.” 

The tears began to run down my face and as they did, my father hugged me tightly to his chest and in a husky voice, choked out,

“Jacob, you were never a disappointment to me.  I love you, son, very much.  If I have seemed distant and uncaring, it was just my way of protecting myself from the horror of losing you as I had lost your mother, your sister and your brother.  I apologize for the way I have acted.  I want you to know that Diane helped me to understand my behavior.”

“I love you, Dad,” was all I could say.

“My other surprise is that Diane and I have decided that you should have a car of your own.  You won’t have to wait until October.  We’ll look for something this week.”

“Oh, my goodness, Dad, that’s . . .”

“Forget it, Jacob.  Let’s just say this is my first payment for all those years when I wouldn’t let you into my life.”

“Diane, Douglas, Jacob, dinner is ready in the dining room,” announced Sadie.  We followed her into the dining room where we enjoyed a light dinner.  Our conversation centered on some ideas my dad had about things he wanted to accomplish.  Diane told us that she didn’t plan to redo the house, at least, not immediately.  Dad assured me that my suite was mine and that no one would be taking it away from me.  Then came the question I had been dreading.

“Jacob, tell me more about this Brad fellow.  When did you meet him?  What’s your relationship with him?” my father asked. 

My knees weakened and I concentrated on my heart beat trying to bring it under control,  I was just about to try to answer him, when Diane came to my rescue.

“Doug, Jacob has homework to finish before he can get to bed.  Why don’t we hold our questions about Brad until later this week.”

“Good, idea, Diane.  Jacob, better get to your room and get started on the homework.  Give me a hug and Diane a kiss goodnight.  And don’t forget Sadie.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said as I hugged him.  I kissed Diane on the cheek and whispered my thanks to her.  I left the living room and went to the kitchen to find Sadie about finished with her work.  I gave her a hug and a quick kiss.

“How did it go?” she asked.

“Okay, but I have to come to terms with telling him about me.  Diane knows because she saw Brad kissing me.  She’s okay with it, at least I think she is.”

Sadie patted my head, squeezed me tightly, and said,

“I knew that you would end up liking that lady.  She’s the best thing that has happened to your father in all the years since he lost your mother, sister, and brother.  I think you can trust her to be on your side.  She has a great deal of influence with your father.  She’ll be your friend, Jacob, your ally.”

I hugged her again, and quietly left for my room, praying that Brad would call me soon.

*****

Brad Mason was not afraid of many things, but he was afraid of his father.  He had seen his father’s reaction to his brother  when he discovered that his son was gay.  His mother was a wonderful woman, and he loved her dearly, but somehow she never could confront her husband and support Chris.  Brad knew that she really did love Chris and wanted to support him.

Travis Mason was a successful lawyer.  He had served his clients well and was sought out by many who wished to have him represent them.  His one-lawyer practice had ballooned into a large office with six other attorneys, but only one partner at present. Craydon Buckminster, a well- respected attorney from New York,  had accepted his father’s offer to be a partner and join the firm now called Mason and Buckminster, Attorneys.

The firm was primarily involved in cases that embraced areas of the law which centered on business, commercial and real estate problems.  Buckminster had recently expanded his expertise to some criminal law and the last attorney hired had trained in that area. 

In one recent case, the firm had represented a client who was being sued for unfair labor practices for the firing of a gay worker.  The worker claimed he was fired because he was gay; the company insisted that he was terminated because of a poor work attitude and unacceptable performance.  Brad had overheard his father telling his mother that they would win the case because no one really cared about what happened to a faggot.

Brad’s mother had been horrified by the comment, and told him that he could sleep in the family room until he was able to control his language.  She would not, she told him, listen to him say such things when their own son was homosexual.  There was a continuing argument which Brad wisely chose not to hear.  He never again heard his father use any derogatory words when referring to gay people.

As he sat at his desk, Brad wondered what his father’s reaction would be to the revelation that his second son was also gay.  He couldn’t keep his mind on his statistics homework, or anything else for that matter.  His mind played terrible games providing images first of his father in a terrible rage, and then of Jacob. Soon all his self control dissipated and his body, mind and soul warmed as he imagined himself in his lover’s arms.  His Jacob, he thought, his Jacob.

Reality intervened when his mother called him to dinner.  His gut tightened as he wondered if he might give his secret away.  It frightened him.  He wanted to call Jacob, but that would have to wait. 

It took only a moment for Brad to realize his father was not in a particularly good mood.  Brad knew enough not to ask why, but to try to behave normally.  His mother said grace quickly and briefly.  She had prepared a wonderful pot roast with carrots, onions, potatoes, and a rich delicious gravy.  His father served the meat while the vegetables were served family style.

Brad averted his eyes, hoping his father and mother would not notice.  His mother passed him the gravy, but his attention was elsewhere, and his nerves were raw. He misjudged the container of gravy which fell to the table, breaking in pieces and spilling the gravy on to the table cloth.

“Brad!  What the hell’s the matter with you?” asked his father.

“Travis, control please.  Nothing is harmed.  There’s plenty of gravy and it’s only an inexpensive container.”

“I’m so sorry, Dad.  Mom please forgive me.  I’m sorry.”

Brad’s father stared daggers at his son as he cut into the pot roast.  He noticed his son’s tense behavior.  This wasn’t Brad’s usual behavior.  Then it suddenly dawned on him.  This new friend is leading my son astray.  It will stop.  To Brad, he said,

“Are you in this funky mood because of your new friend.  Is he leading you into areas where we would not approve?   He’s not a real athlete, Brad.  You play football; you’re the quarterback, for heaven’s sake.  What does this Jacob do as a sport?”

Brad’s mother came back into the dining room carrying a a new container of gravy.  She could feel the tension in the room.  She brought the gravy to Brad who carefully took it from her and put some on his pot roast and potatoes.  He placed it on the table before answering his father.

“He’s a champion swimmer.  He’s on the swim team.  Coach Kimball thinks he is a real asset to the school.  He has hundreds of trophies and medals and ribbons and he’s modest about his accomplishment as a swimmer.  He’ll probably get a full ride at a good college because of his abilities.”

“A swimmer?  Huh!” grunted his dad.

“I think that’s wonderful, Brad.  So, Jacob is an athlete like you.  What kind of a student is he?” asked his mother.

“He’s always been an honor roll student.  He’s studious, but not obnoxious about it.  He’s got a good sense of humor, and he’s quiet.  He’s a great guy, Mom.”

“You spent a lot of time over at his place.  What did you two do all that time?”  asked his father.

“We went shopping at the mall, went to a movie and then went home to bed.  On Saturday you know we went to the beach.  We met Todd there and Jacob wanted to take me to dinner that night.  Todd had a problem and was pretty much down, so Jacob invited him to come to dinner with us.  Todd did come with us after he called his parents. 

“We met another friend at Ranaldi’s where he’s a bus boy.  He joined us and we went to the movies and saw “The Departed.”  Then we had pizza, and we all went to Jacob’s.  Sadie thought Tim should stay the night, too, as it was late and she didn’t want me driving around.  He called his sister and she said okay.  Sunday we all went to church, then we had a swim and a great barbecue.  I took Todd home and Tim to work.  I brought Jacob home and met his father and his father’s girl friend, and then I came home.”

“You certainly were busy, Brad.  What did you think of Mr. Neilson?” 

Brad paused a moment, trying to think of an appropriate answer without indicating that it was suggested that he come home.

“He seemed like a nice man, but I really didn’t spend much time with him, so that’s the best I can say.” 

Travis Mason poked at his mashed potatoes and gravy keeping his eyes on his son.  Brad could feel his father’s eyes on him almost piercing into him.  He had begun to perspire but hoped that neither of his parents would notice.

“Just don’t get into a habit of spending all your free time over there.  Have Jacob spend some time here so that we can get to know him better.  That would be good, Brad,” said his father.

Brad was just finishing his dinner, and prayed that dessert would go quickly so that he could escape the dining room for his bedroom and a call to Jacob.  His mother’s voice brought him back to the dining room.

“Do you want some ice cream and a piece of cake?  How about some more milk?”

“Just some ice cream, please,” Brad said.  He felt a little as if he might be sick as his stomach was tied in knots.  His mother dished out a sizable portion.  He had prayed that she would  give him a small amount, but she just assumed he would want the large helping Iheusually devoured.  She handed it to him smiling as she did.

“Thanks, Mom,” he said. 

His Dad had returned from the kitchen as he had helped his wife clear the table.  He looked askance at Brad and said,

“No cake?  That’s a little strange, isn’t it, Brad?”

Brad swallowed hard, again feeling as if his dinner was about to make another appearance at the table.  With a grimace, he told my father,

“It’s just that I had this huge barbecue and I am just not as hungry as usual.”  His mother smiled and grasped his hand,

“It’s fine, Brad.  If you can’t finish the ice cream, that’s okay.  You need to get upstairs to your room to get your homework done for school tomorrow.  I’ll check on you in a couple of hours.”

“Thanks, Mom.  I think I’ve had just about enough food today.  Night, Dad,” he said as he stood up and quickly and quietly left the dining room.  Brad felt like screaming in joy, but he didn’t.

*****

I paced back and forth from the living area to the bedroom to the exercise room in my suite.  I wanted Brad to call.  Why had it taken so long?  Did he get in trouble with his parents?  Maybe they wouldn’t let him call me. 

I needed to hear his voice because I couldn’t touch him.  I missed him so much.  What was I going to do?  I mean, I wanted him with me all the time.  I wanted him to live with me, to sleep with me, to do everything with me.  How could this be?  I had only known him for a couple of days, but I knew I had fallen in love with him.

I tried to do my homework, but I couldn’t keep my mind on it.  I kept having fears that Brad would not be able to be with me, to be my boyfriend.  I felt tears beginning to run down my face.  What was wrong with me?  I had to get control, to be able to deal with Brad and my intense love for him.  My cell phone rang.

*****

When Brad got to his room, he had immediately dialed Jacob.  My phone had only rung once, before I answered. my voice wavering.

“Hi, Jacob Neil....”

“Baby, it’s me,” he said.

“God, Brad, I miss you so much.  I want to be with you.  I love you.” I said.

“Take it easy, Jake.” he said.   I answered with an urgency and sadness in my voice.

“I’m just a short distance from you, but I can’t come over.  Not tonight.  My father is home and he told me tonight that he married Diane.  We had a late dinner.  I just can’t go over to be with you.”

“Jake, I love you.  Do you believe me?”

“Yeah.”

“Jake, we’ll figure a way to be together more.  Even if I have to tell my folks I’m gay.  I want to be with you.  I want you so much right now, but we have to remain calm.  We have to devise a plan so that we can be together,” he said.

“Brad, I’ll just dry up and die without you.  I’m scared.  I’ve never felt like this before,” I said and I knew that he could tell I was almost crying. 

Brad’s heart was breaking and he was fighting to keep the tears from starting.  He knew that he had to do something, but he wasn’t sure what to do.  Finally, he said to me,

‘Look, this is going to get me into trouble, but I’m going to drive over to your place.  Meet me outside the gates so that we can talk.  Can you do that?”

“Brad, sweetheart, I’ll try.  I know Diane and Sadie are on my side and know I’m gay, but my father doesn’t know and I may not be able to get out of the house.  I’ll try, I’ll try.”

“Okay, I’m leaving right now.  Keep calm, Baby.  We’ll work it out.”

“Okay,” I said. 

Brad clicked the phone shut, went down stairs, told his mother that he had a quick errand to do, and left.

*****

Diane and Doug were sitting in the living room talking as I quickly passed by on my way to the kitchen and then outside.  Diane saw me, smiled, but said nothing; I didn’t think my father had seen me.

Sadie was sitting at the counter having a cup of tea.  She wondered where Jacob was heading, but she hesitated to ask him.  She hoped he would tell her without being asked.

“I’m going out for a little bit.  Please open the gate so that I can get out,” I said..  Sadie thought that  Jacob looked flustered and saw that his eyes were red from crying.

‘Is there a problem, Jacob?  Anything I can help you with?” she asked. 

I turned quickly and looked intently at her.  There were tears in my eyes again.   Sadie hoped that nothing bad had happened between Jacob and his father. 

“I have to meet Brad.  He’s coming over right now,” Jacob said.

“Does your father know?” she asked.

“No, and please don’t tell him.  I’m not ready to tell him about Brad and me.  Please, Sadie, help me.  I really need to see him.  Please.” 

She looked at me, and I knew she was wondering what was happening between Brad and me.  Thankfully Sadie knew that now was not the time to ask.  She shrugged,

“I’ll open the gate for you, Jacob, but I won’t lie to your father if he asks me where you are?  You understand?

“Yes.  I have to do this whatever happens.  Thanks, Sadie for helping me.” I said as I ran from the kitchen. 

Sadie used the remote to open the gate and as she did she mouthed a silent but fervent prayer that Jacob’s father wouldn’t know about this little excursion.  After Jacob had left the kitchen, she was aware of the silence and craved some sound, any sound.

*****
Diane’s POV

I wondered where Jacob might be going, but then concluded that he was headed to the kitchen for something to eat.  I knew that much about teen-aged boys: they loved to eat.  Doug was talking so I had to forget Jacob and listen to my new husband.

“Diane, what do you think of my Jacob’s behavior tonight?  Does he measure up to your standards?”

I looked at Doug with disbelief in my eyes.  How could he ask me such a question?  I had never given him any reason to wonder how I felt about Jacob.  I knew he was an unhappy son, a wonderful young man, and an experimenting teenager.  What I had seen in the bedroom, Jacob and Brad kissing made it clear to me that the two boys were in love.  I had no clue how my new husband would deal with that.  I knew I would have to talk with Jacob about how to tell his father that he was gay.  I also suspected that Sadie knew the truth.  So what should I say?

“Douglas, you know I love Jacob.  He’s always a gentleman.  He’s intelligent, focused, and just a nice boy.  My only standards are that he accepts me and eventually loves me.  I think we are well on our way to that.” 

Doug looked at me with tears in his eyes; he said,

“Thank you for caring so much about Jacob.  I love him so much more than he realizes.”

“How often have you told him that you love him?”

“Not many times.  Maybe never!” he said.

“Maybe it’s time that you let him know that you really love him.  He wants that so much, Doug.  I can sense it whenever we are together with him.  Don’t you see it?”

“No, I guess I haven’t.  I just hated to get too close, honey.  I was afraid that I could lose him, too.  If anything bad were to happen to him, I don’t know what I would do.  I don’t want him to be hurt, to be unhappy.  I caused him enough unhappiness already.  Sadie tried to tell me that, but I wasn’t ready to accept it.  You have helped me to learn some truths about myself and about my relationship with Jacob.”

“Just tell him you love him,” I told him.

“Did I catch a glimpse of him headed toward the kitchen?’ he asked.

“Yes, I think I did also.”

Doug stood up and took my hand and helped me to my feet.  He hugged me and kissed me gently on the lips, letting me know how solid his love was for me.

“Let’s go find him so I can tell him that I love him.”

“That’s a great idea,” I said as we walked slowly toward the kitchen.

*****

I ran toward the open gate and when I arrived I was out of breath.  There was no one there.  I looked around hoping to see the Mustang, but it was no where to be found.  My heart crashed in my chest; Brad wasn’t coming.  Maybe his father wouldn’t let him, but why didn’t he call?  His father must have taken his cell phone so that he couldn’t call me.  I sat on the curb, put my face in my hands and began to cry. 

Just as I started to cry, the head lights of an approaching car lit up the curb where I was sitting.  The car screeched to a stop only steps from where I was.  It was the Mustang.  It was Brad!

Brad jumped out of the car and ran to me.  I had gotten up and was standing there in the half light, tears running down my cheeks.  And then we were in each other’s arms.

“My Jake, my Jake, how I love you,” he said.

Our lips met in a wave of gnawing hunger and we were near devouring each other.  My tears had not stopped and my lover was trying to get me to stop with his kisses, his caresses, and his passionate whispers.  I finally was able to speak,

“What am I going to do, Brad?  I don’t know what to do.  The minute you leave me I fall apart.  I want you with me, all the time, every place.”  I put my head on Brad’s shoulder and he continued to kiss my neck, making me desire him even more.

“Jake, we’ll work it out.  We’re a team!  We can do whatever we need to do to stay together.  I can quit school and get a job.  We can find a small apartment; you can graduate and then we’ll move to Gainesville.  Maybe we can crash with Chris and Peter.  But Jake, I won’t let you go, not now, not ever!” .

He lifted my head and kissed me solidly and passionately.  It took my breath away, but I did not pull away from him.  I was in a state of ecstasy, somewhere removed from the sordidness of reality, and into a heavenly bliss.

“Jacob!”

My father’s voice brought both of us crashing back to the here and now.

*****

Brad stopped kissing me, but he kept me wrapped in his arms like a protective cocoon.  My father’s face was ashen and I could see him trembling.  Diane had a firm grip on his arm, preventing him from rushing to me, and perhaps striking me.

“What the hell’s going on here?  Jacob?”

Brad pushed me behind him and faced my father.  He spoke calmly but with a firmness and surety that made my heart skip a beat or two in admiration.

“Mr. Neilson, let me just be up front with you I’m in love with your son.  He loves me, too.  I would die to protect him from harm.  We just want to be together, to be able to see each other, to touch each other.  It isn’t all sexual, Mr. and Mrs. Neilson, although that is an important aspect of our relationship.  Please, Mr. Neilson, understand that neither of us decided to fall in love, we just did.  I’m gay, but my parents don’t know about that.  Jacob is gay, but was afraid to tell you.  We’re not freaks, sir.  We didn’t ask to be gay.  We didn’t try to be gay.  We are gay, as you are not.  Your son is the most wonderful person I have ever met.  He reflects the best in everyone and he makes me happy with just his smile.  I am honored that he loves me as I am probably not worthy of that love.  I . . .” 

I stepped in front of Brad and looked directly at my father.

“Dad, Brad is so worthy of my love.  He is my protector, my companion, my best friend.  I love him deeply and I respect him as a human being.  His kindness is deep and enduring.  He makes me laugh.  In his presence I know that I am a better person.  If anyone is not worthy of his love, it is probably me.  I am not a very special person, but I love Brad and I love you and Diane, and I love Sadie.  Dad, I can’t give up that love for any of you as I know it would kill me.  If you don’t want me here any longer, Brad and I will leave and find a way to live and go to school and get into college, and . . .” 

Diane moved away from my father and toward Brad and me.

“You’re not going anywhere, Jacob.  Of course we still love you, and if Brad ais wonderful as you say, we will love him, too.  I’m a member of this family now, and I won’t stand by and see you mistreated or anything else simply because you love someone.  So you’re gay, Jacob. You’re still the young man I love as my son.  Douglas, tell Jacob what you came out here to tell him,” she said.

“But Diane . . .”

“No buts, Douglas!”  She glared at him intently. My father looked at me his eyes glistening with tears.  My heart was thumping in my chest.  He walked over to me, took me in his arms and hugged me.  Then he said,

“Jacob, I love you, son.  I have always loved you, so much in fact that I didn’t want it to show because I feared I would lose you as I had lost the rest of the family.  But, Jacob, please believe this, I love you.  And if you are gay, I can live with that and I will continue to love you.” 

I was sobbing now, shaking in my father’s arms.  I couldn’t stop.  I had been waiting so many years for him to  simply tell me that he loved me.  From somewhere in the past came my reply,

“Daddy, I love you.  Daddy, I love you.”

Now my Dad and Diane were crying.  Brad stood nearby, tears in his eyes, too.  Finally my father let me go and spoke to Brad.

“Young man, you need to come here and take care of your boyfriend.  You’re always welcome in this house, and if you should tell you parents and they want you out of the house, just remember that you can live here as one of our family.  If my Jacob loves you as deeply as he saya he does, than we will love you as well, and will want you to be a member of this family.” 

Brad’s tears were now running down his cheeks, but he managed to speak.

“Mr. Neilson, Mrs. Neilson, thank you for accepting us.  I want you to know that your invitation to live here should I need to do that, is most welcome.  My father will not accept that I am gay.  I know that.   He drove my brother away when he found out that he was gay.  I love my parents, but I love Jacob more than anyone else in the world.  I said it once, but I will repeat it again, I would give up anything including my life to protect Jacob.  Thank you for loving us.” 

Brad had taken me into his arms as he spoke, and I was unable to contain my emotions, tears falling copiously from my eyes.

“My father started laughing, and said, “I’ll bet Sadie knew about all this, didn’t she?”

Sadie had followed my parents out to the gate, but had stayed behind them.

“Yes, Douglas, I did know, and I let them stay together.  You may discharge me if you wish, but I think they are a great couple and two good, moral boys.  I support them.”  Brad and I moved to Sadie, each of us giving her a hug and a kiss.

“Sadie, I’m not going to discharge you.  Why would I do that?  You did nothing wrong.  Well, maybe, I would not have let them sleep together.  You guys have slept together haven’t you?  My God, I never thought of that,” said my father.

Diane was laughing now as she hugged my father.

“Lovers do that, Douglas.  I mean, they sleep together.”

“Dad, we have been very careful of our sexual activity.  We aren’t doing anything drastic.  We want to wait, to discover many things about each other before we, before we . . .”

“Before me make love,” interrupted Brad.

Now my dad was smiling.  He took Diane’s hand and then kissed her gently.  Sadie was also smiling.

“You two are very mature, but we need to talk later about STD’s and other stuff.  It’s all important,” my father said.

“We’ll leave you two to decide what you are going to do.  Just let us know as we may be able to help in some way.  Good night, boys,” said Diane as the big three, now a major force in our lives, went back into the house and left us alone.

*****

I continued to enjoy being in Brad’s arms, but I knew that we had some important matters to discuss.  I was afraid I knew what some of the conclusions would need to be, but I tried to remind myself that we had to be reasonable.  Brad seemed relaxed and kept kissing me on the neck and stroking my back.  Finally he released me and took my hand, leading me away from the gate and to the Mustang.  Without a word he opened the passenger side door and I got in.  He closed the door and went to the driver’s side and got into the car.  For a minute we just sat there, both of us  looking straight ahead, almost afraid to look at each other which might lead us into some explosive necking and petting.

“They’re pretty wonderful, you know,” Brad said. 

I finally looked at him and my heart jumped a little, I felt light headed and I was filled with desire, but I quickly got myself to calm down.  I smiled at him and as I did, he reached for me and pulled me across the seat and into his arms.  He held me tightly. I just lay there enjoying his hard body, his scent, and his light kisses on my ears.

“You mean my dad and Diane and Sadie?” I asked.

“Of course.”

“This was a remarkable time for me, Sweetheart.  My father finally told me he loved me, Diane supports us, and even my dad has accepted us.  He didn’t flip out when he learned we were gay, and he invited you to live here with me and the family.  Sadie had already accepted us; in fact, I think she’s sweet on you, Brad.  I can’t believe how great things turned out.  I think Diane had a lot to do with my father’s reaction to everything, don’t you?”

“Sure as rain,” said Brad. 

I began laughing.  Brad pushed me away a little so that he could look directly into my eyes.  He smiled that smile at me and asked,

“And what’s so funny, frog legs?”

“Is that another of your wonderful sayings like ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander’?” 

We were both chuckling.

“You but your ass it is, Speedo boy,” came his quick reply.

As he hugged me tightly again, I couldn’t resist saying something in response to his last comment, so I took a deep breath, and said,

“No need to bet my ass, pigskin poet!  My ass is yours and only yours.” 

He pushed me onto my back in the seat and straddled me, kissing me roughly.  He had my attention and had awakened my intense desire for him.  Finally he stopped to take a breath, and he looked into my eyes. Kissing me with quick little pecks; he took a deep breath and said,

“My Jake, my Jake,what are we going to do?  I want you with me all the time.  Just like you, I’m worth nothing when you aren’t with me.  I love you!”

I tried to get closer to Brad, but I was already almost attached to him, and he struggled to hold me tighter, closer, more a part of him. 

I knew we had to make some decisions, some that I wouldn’t like, but I also knew that was the way life could be.  Our faces were touching and I knew that we both could feel the hot tears that were escaping from our eyes.  I began to kiss Brad all over his face and neck, giddy with his scent.

“Jake, we have to talk.  I have to get home soon or I will have hell to pay.  If we can’t come to some kind of arrangement, then I will tell them I’m gay and I know I will have to come back here because my father will kick me out of the house.  I don’t know if I should tell them I’m gay without Chris being here.  Chris implored me to let him know so that he and Peter could come down to support me.  I know you support me, and love me, dear Jake, but I want to have Chris with us when we tell my mom and dad.”

I sat back into my seat, wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, and looked to my left at the one person in the world that I loved deeply.  His cheeks were streaked with tears and it broke my heart.  My brave Brad wasn’t supposed to cry, but I understood in the deepest recesses of my being that he had much to be concerned about.  I suddenly realized that my job, my passion was to support my lover.

“Brad, I will do whatever it takes to keep us together and I will be with you, supporting you, whatever you feel you have to do.  Just tell me what you want me to do, Sweetheart, I said. 

Brad looked at me and smiled, his eyes still glistening with telltale tears.

“I need to go home soon, but I have to know that you will be all right here.  I can’t leave you if you won’t be able to remain calm and in control.”

Without wanting to do so, tears began flowing freely from my eyes.  I fought back sobs, and I grabbed Brad’s hand.

“It will be difficult, but I’ll be okay.  I’m more worried about you, Sweetie.”

“If you’re okay, I’ll be fine, Jake.  We’ll talk more about our plans tomorrow after school.  I’m gonna pick you up for school tomorrow morning at 7:30.  Meet me at the gate, okay?”

I could feel myself losing control and yet knowing that if I showed it, Brad wouldn’t leave and then his life at home would be ruined.  I took a deep breath and with it came the courage and determination not to let him down.

“I”ll be ready.  Maybe we need to call Chris and ask him what you should do, Brad.  I’m gonna ask Diane for some help, and maybe even my dad.  I know Sadie will help, and I think Father Jim will try to help, too.  Todd and Tim are on our side, so there’s some more support.” 

Brad smiled at me and squeezed my hand three times, I knew he used that to tell me he loved me because he wasn’t able to speak at that moment.  I continued,

“Brad, I understand that most people wouldn’t believe that we could be so much in love in such a short time, but it’s the truth.” 

Again he smiled at me, leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips.  He told me,

“I told Chris and Peter about you and how I felt and they told me not to waste another minute, but to tell you that I loved you.  I worried that perhaps you didn’t feel as strongly as I did, but thank the good Lord, you did.  I now believe that two people can fall in love at first sight because we did.  As long as I know you still love me, I think I can handle whatever life might throw at me.”

“Never doubt it, Brad, I will always love you, and just you.”

We embraced and shared a gentle kiss that said so much more than either of us could at the moment express.

“I have to go,” he whispered into my ear as he kissed it.

“I know.”

He pulled away from me and got out of the car, coming to the passenger side and opening the door.  I just sat there for a long moment, and then got out.  He took my hand and walked me to the other side of the gate opening.  We hugged and we looked at each other, recognizing in the other’s eyes the pain and agony of having to say goodnight.  He spoke first and quickly,

“Jake, whatever happens, just remember that I love you.  Sleep well, my lover.” 

Before I could answer, he turned  and was in the Mustang and driving away.   As I watched the taillights disappear into the night, I knew that part of my heart was escaping with him.  With that realization came a heartbreak I doubted I could survive.  My shoulders slumped as I walked toward the house and as I got closer, my heart seemed emptier.  I was okay until I saw my dad, Diane, and Sadie watching for me.

That’s when all that had happened that night finally came crashing down on me, and I lost it.  I fell to my knees and wailed.  ‘How.’ I wondered. ‘could life be kind and then so cruel?’

My father scooped me up from the driveway and carried me into the house and up to my suite.  Diane and Sadie followed us, and a look of concern was mirrored in each of their faces.  My dad keep saying,

“Jacob, everything will be okay.  Son, listen, we’re here for you.  Don’t despair, please.  Please!” 

He laid me on my bed, which Sadie had prepared for sleep.  He pulled off my sandals and made sure I had a cover over me.  Then he sat on the bed and began to gently rub my back.

“Try to go to sleep, Jacob.  One of us will be staying with you throughout the night.  We care, Jacob. We care!”

Behind a haze of sorrow and near despair, I could hear my father, and my heart lightened and I slowly fell asleep.

To be continued...

“The measure of love is to love without measure"

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Posted: 10/12/07