Finding Love: A Journey
By: Scotty
(Copyright 2007 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 10

After an afternoon of good food, wonderful company and great conversation, it was time for Father Jim to return to his apartment. No one wanted him to leave, and even as we all begged him, we realized that this exceptional day was coming to a close. Tim had to be off to his job at Ranaldi’s, Todd had to get home to his parents, and Brad would have to leave a little later than all the others, but eventually he would have to go home, too. I dreaded the thought of it and of the big bed where I would be alone, missing him, wanting him. Thank God for the telephone, the Internet, and Instant Messenger.

Sadie wanted to drive Father Jim home. She asked Brad if he could get Todd home and Tim to his job. He, of course, agreed. I would go with him and then he would come back to the house with me for a light lunch-like dinner. Both cars left at the same time, the SUV carrying Sadie and the good priest in one direction, the Mustang with us four guys in another. Tim and Todd were wrapped in each other’s arms, oblivious the us and to the world passing by. It was so good to see them at ease with each other. I hoped that they would be able to make it through the months before graduation.

When we arrived at Todd’s house, he didn’t want to get out of the car. He was holding Tim tightly in his arms fighting back tears. Tim was stroking Todd’s head, whispering softly to him. Finally, after a kiss and a sad goodbye, Todd got out of the car. I asked him if he wanted me to go in with him, but he refused. He made certain that he had all the telephone numbers, home and cell for all of us. Then he quickly ran into the house. I glanced back at Tim and saw that he was near tears. I decided that silence was the best approach here.

When we neared Ranaldi’s, Tim began to talk. He was concerned about Todd now that he would be alone. He knew that when they were together that Todd was happy and stable, but he feared what might happen now that he was home in a climate that wouldn’t be helpful to cheering him up. He had told Tim that his parents could be cold and at times uncaring. There were house rules which he was expected to follow, and he admitted to Tim that when he dated Trent he often broke those rules and antagonized his parents. Todd was afraid that after the summer of not dating much, he might have trouble being able to see Tim as often as he wanted.

Tim sighed and continued. He related to us that he also didn’t have much time to date, not with his job, cross-country running, and helping his sister with the house. Todd didn’t seem to have any difficulty with money, but Tim had to take care with what he had for spending. He wondered how that would work out, too. Before he could tell us more, we were at the restaurant and he had to leave us. He thanked us profusely for everything and hoped that he could see us again soon. We both liked Tim and told him that Sadie wouldn’t rest if he didn’t come over frequently to see her. He left us smiling, which helped diminish the pangs of sadness that both Brad and I felt.

We left Ranaldi’s parking lot and headed back to the house. For a while neither of us said much, then Brad surprised me when he said,

"I’m beginning to wonder about Todd. Any other gay guy would give his right arm to have Tim as a boyfriend. And yet, Jake, I sometimes think that for all he says, Todd still isn’t totally committed to Tim. You know, Baby, that really pisses me off. I think he even fucked the good priest over. I really think that if Trent called him and said he wanted to spend some time with him in bed that Todd would break his ass to get to him. I know from your looks, Jake, that you don’t agree, so tell me why I’m wrong."

Brad’s shoulders took on a shrug that suggested defeat of some kind.

"I don’t necessarily disagree with you, Sweetheart. I guess I’m trying to be optimistic and assuming that with a guy like Tim interested in being his partner, Todd wouldn’t be stupid enough to screw it up. I thought he acted pretty secure in his decision that Tim was the one for him. I don’t think you can expect him to just forget Trent. I mean, he spent two years with him. And frankly, Brad, I don’t think that Todd is the strongest personality I ever met. The strong one in that relationship is Tim. If it works, it will be because of Tim keeping Todd interested. I really don’t think Todd will ever go back to Trent, no matter what any of us think. He’ll remember the beatings and the humiliation and he won’t go back to that. Of that, I am sure."

"Hope you’re right."

"What did you think of Father Jim?" I asked.

"He’s right at the top of great guys. It’s a little hard for me to think of him as a priest. Don’t get mad now, Jake, but I think he is one hot and sexy  dude," Brad said.

I laughed.

"Oh, do you, my hot lover? What about me?"

Brad was giggling now, but managed to blurt out,

"You, Baby, are the best there is. You even beat out the good father."

"Bullshit!" I said.

"No, really, Jake, you’re my perfect man. I love you."

"And I love you, Sweetie."

"Sweetie?"

"Yeah, cute, huh?"

"Guess so. What do you think about the good priest?" asked Brad.

I reached over and ran my hand up and down Brad’s thigh, ending at his crotch where I gave him a playful squeeze.

"I think he’s one sexy, hot stud, if you want the truth. I noticed his endowment both front and back, and I even fantasized about being with him. Happy?"

"Yeah, you did what I did. Wow! I bet he’s something in bed. You think he’s gay?"

"How the fuck would I know that?"

"You go to his church, so I thought. . ."

Oh, you think he announced it one Sunday before the sermon which he entitled: My Life as a Hot Gay Man."

"Funny!"

"Not trying to be funny, Sweetie. I just don’t know. If he is gay, he must have a stable filled with willing friends. But I doubt he’s gay."

"Probably right. Hey, we’re back before Sadie. Let’s hurry in and spend some precious time together."

"Is that a blatant invitation for sex?" I asked.

"You bet your ass it is."

"Then let’s hurry."

*****

(Sadie’s Point of View)

Father Jim was relatively quiet as we drove to his apartment. I left him alone with his thoughts, but finally asked him what he thought of the boys. He really liked them, telling me that he thought they were mature for their age and that he thought he had gotten Todd on the right track. He sang the praises of Tim whom he admired for his calmness and his warmth. I agreed with him. He hadn’t mentioned Jacob and Brad, so I asked his reaction to them.

"They are a wonderful couple who are in love with each other, and it shows. When they look at each other, or touch quietly, you sense that love moving from one to the other. Brad adores Jacob, wants to protect him, wants to be the only one in his life at the moment. And Jacob just oozes love for Brad. When Brad speaks to him, or touches him, or even smiles at him, Jacob melts away in a pleasure and a happiness that you can’t miss.

"I know, Sadie, that all four of the boys are gay. That’s okay. They seem totally committed to each other. Todd asked me about being gay and having sex. He wanted to know if it was a terrible sin and would they go to hell."

"What did you tell him, Father?"

"I told him the truth as I know it. Since they are in monogamous relationships, no, it isn’t a sin. They are the way God made them. None of them asked to be gay; they just are. No one asks to be heterosexual, Sadie, they just are. I told Todd, to let God be the judge, and as long as he was not involved in promiscuous sex, it was acceptable behavior in my mind."

"But, Father, there are many people who think it is a sin and that being gay is a choice. How will they handle that and the churches who do not wish to accept them? These are nice boys, moral boys who just happen to love each other. But you and I know that they will suffer for their beliefs, won’t they?"

Father Jim was quiet for a short time. He sighed deeply and answered,

"Yes, Sadie, I’m afraid they will be hurt and discarded by those around them. Three of the boys have never mentioned their gayness to their parents. Only Tim has been brave enough to do that. Then if they come out, they will have to deal with school, with classmates, teammates, friends, teachers, clergy, their church, even the police. It will not be easy. And frankly, Sadie, they need to be tested for any STD, not just HIV and AIDS."

Sadie added, "I know that’s all true, but some of us, accept them for what they are; good, young men who love one another. I wish the world could do the same. I am going to push Jacob to get tested and demand that Brad do also. And Jacob has to tell his Dad. I couldn’t tell him, but his Dad married Diane and they’re on their honeymoon. I’m not sure what that will do to Jacob. I’m afraid. I hope that Diane can calm Douglas down if he gets angry when he learns of Jacob’s sexual preference."

"Why doesn’t he know about the marriage?"

"His Dad didn’t want him to be told by anyone except him and not over the telephone. I didn’t agree, but I had to accept the situation. I like Diane and so does Jacob. It’s keeping it secret I don’t like."

"When are they arriving home?" he asked.

"Well, that’s another thing. I had to tell Jacob that they would be in Paris for a week. Actually, they are coming back tonight. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen in the house tonight."

I stopped the SUV in front of the priest’s apartment building. I sighed and then thanked him for coming over to talk with Todd. He assured me that he should be thanking me for the wonderful food and the good company.

"Sadie," he said, "if you should need me later tonight, please just call. I’ll borrow Father Crowley’s car and get right over. Thanks again for everything."

"You’re a saint. For sure, you’re a saint," I told him.

"I don’t think so, but thanks for the accolade. Good night, Sadie, and take God’s blessings with you," he said as he got out of the vehicle, turned, smiled and shut the door.

He walked briskly into the building. As I watched him leave I realized that he was a handsome and sexy man. No wonder all the ladies in the church were gaga over him. I wondered.

*****

Todd had not wanted to leave Tim, He worried that he might want to talk with Trent or worse see him. He really didn’t want to do that and he decided that if he got the urge, he would call Jacob. He knew he could count on him for help. When he went into the house, his mother was working in the kitchen preparing something for the evening meal. She gave Todd a curious look as he slumped into a chair at the table.

"Welcome home, Todd. I was beginning to wonder if you planned to return. So some new friends, huh? Tell me about them," his mother said.

Todd sighed and wondered what he would say. Certainly he didn’t wish to give his mother any ideas about Tim and his love for him. Todd had an inclination that his mother had some suspicion of his sexual preference. She already knew about Jacob and Brad, but Tim was a new item. He wondered how she would react.

"Jacob took Brad and me out to dinner at Ranaldi’s. After dinner we went to the theater and saw The Departed. On the way home, we stopped for pizza, and then drove to Jacob’s house. Sadie showed us to our rooms, and we went to bed. This morning, after a big breakfast, we got dressed for church. I borrowed some clothes from Jacob. We went to St. Augustine’s to church. It was a lot like Holy Redeemer, Mom; I didn’t feel out of place.

"Sadie had invited the young priest, Father Jim, over for a swim and barbecue. He’s a wonderful guy and talked to me about life and happiness. He made a lot of sense. I like him and I wish we had a young priest who took an interest in kids my age. At Ranaldi’s we met a new friend, Tim. He’s a great guy and attends East Palm High School. Tim runs cross-country and is a really good student. He went to church with us and had barbecue and a swim at Jacob’s. He’s a super guy, Mom, and I like him a lot.

"I want you and Dad to meet him, so if I it’s okay with you, I’d like to have him here for dinner some time."

"That’s fine with me, Todd. What about Trent? He used to be your best friend. Your Dad really likes him, but he hasn’t been around all summer."

Todd wanted to scream out that Trent beat him. Would his Dad like him still? No, Todd knew his Dad would want to kill Trent, especially if he knew the whole truth.

"We had a disagreement at the close of school last year. He was not very nice to me, Mom, so I don’t consider him a close friend anymore."

Todd’s mother looked at him and continued her work. She did say,

"Oh, I see."

"I like Tim a lot. He’s a good guy. He lost his Mom and Dad a few years ago in a bad auto accident. His oldest sister raised the family. He works at Ranaldi’s; I like Tim a lot."

Todd’s mother finished mixing the biscuit dough and was now rolling it out to prepare it for cutting. She made a couple of passes with the rolling pin and stopped. She looked at her son, marveling at how handsome he was and how radiant he seemed to her. Poor Todd, she thought, he’s a lonely boy. I hope that this Tim is the friend he wants; no, the friend he needs.

"Todd, what kind of a friendship do you want with this new boy. Tim, that’s his name, right?"

Todd gasped. She knew he was gay. God, how was he going to handle this. But he chose not to hesitate.

"Mom, I’m gay and I want Tim as my boyfriend. Trent hurt me, Mom. He beat me and he wanted me to have sex with him and another guy. I wouldn’t do it, so he really beat me badly. That’s why I insisted on wearing long sleeved shirts to cover the bruises. I’m sorry that I’m gay, Mom. I didn’t choose to be gay; I just am. Will you still love me, now that you know? Please love me."

Todd’s mother dropped the rolling pin, and moved quickly to her son. She pulled him to his feet and enveloped him tightly in her arms, getting flour on his face. She kissed him on both cheeks, and just stood there, enjoying this special moment.

"I will love you always, Todd. You are my son, how could I not love you. I have thought for sometime that you were probably gay. Your father and I have talked about it. He’s having a little trouble with it, but Todd, he still loves you. We’re not about to ship you away to some phony place to change you. We’re not going to kick you out of the house, or take away your college education. We love you, son. We love you."

And then the tears began and soon both mother and son were weeping and clinging to one another. Todd was able to squeak out,

"Mom, I love you and Dad so much. Thank you for understanding. I know you will approve of Tim. I know you will."

His Mom held him a little away from her, she looked closely at him, and then smiled. He began to laugh with relief from the tension he had felt. His mother kissed him again on the cheek and said,

"Todd, there is one thing. You will have to talk to your father. It will be difficult because he doesn’t want you to be gay even though he understands on an intellectual level, but emotionally he is having trouble. He had wanted grandchildren and now he doesn’t see how that could be. I’ve tried to tell him that a really committed couple would adopt and we could be grandparents. He loves you so fiercely that sometimes it hurts him. Todd, don’t be afraid of  your father. You must talk to him."

"I will, Mom, I will," he said as he hugged his mom again amidst some tears of relief.

*****

When Brad and I arrived home, we went directly to my suite of rooms. I closed the door and we were instantly in each other’s arms. Brad held me tightly and kissed my neck and face. I was filled with pleasure knowing I was loved for me, not for anything outstanding, but just being me.

I burrowed into Brad’s chest, kissing him with growing passion. Brad’s hands were on my ass, massaging my ass cheeks, and my hands ran up and down his back, feeling every muscle. I was highly aroused and I wanted more, and I could tell from Brad’s hardness that he was also aroused.

"Sweetheart, can we stop for a moment. I have something I want you to hear. We can listen to it in our bed. But I also want to lock the door so we can be by ourselves."

"Okay, baby. I’m going to get naked and I want you naked."

I rushed to the door and locked it. Then I went to the CD player and pushed play. I tore off my clothes and crawled into our bed and atop my lover. As the music began, I started to hump Brad, our two hardons rubbing against each other, our lips together in a hot kiss, and our hands exploring each other’s bodies. Johnny Mathis sang,

Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin
The moment you come into view,
Chances are you think that I'm in love with you.
Just because my composure sort of slips
The moment that your lips meet mine,
Chances are you think my heart's your Valentine.

In the magic of moonlight,
When I sigh, "Hold me close, dear,"
Chances are you believe the stars
That fill the skies are in my eyes.

Guess you feel you'll always be
The one and only one for me
And, if you think you could,
Well, chances are your chances are awfully good.

Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin
The moment you come into view,
Chances are you think that I'm in love with you.
Just because my composure sort of slips
The moment that your lips meet mine,
Chances are you think my heart's your Valentine.

The music and the lyric turned Brad into a passionate, wild, and horny lover. He ravished my body, kissing and licking every inch of the front of my body. I was moaning, groaning and completely out of body.

<Knock! Knock! Knock!>

"Jacob, are you in there? Jacob, answer me."

My blood ran cold and I immediately lost my erection. Brad’s body had tensed and he whispered a question into my ear,

"Who is that?"

"My father."

From Brad came a uncontrolled gasp.

"Your father? How could it be, you said he was in Paris. What’s happening?" he said.

I was already getting out of bed, but Brad pulled me back.

"I don’t know what the fuck is going on. He’s not supposed to be home for a week. Let me get dressed and you take your things into the bathroom and get dressed. I’ll try to handle this."

<KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!>

"Damn it, Jacob open the door or I’ll pound it down," Douglas Neilson shouted.

"Doug, take it easy. Give Jacob a minute to get to the door. He may have been taking a nap. Control yourself, honey."

"My God, Brad, I’m scared shitless, but I love you, and I won’t deny you. Trust me. Get going."

As Brad disappeared into the bathroom, I unlocked the door and faced my red-faced father and calm, beautiful Diane.

"Dad, Diane, what I surprise. I thought you guys were spending a week in  Paris. What happened?" I asked.

My dad looked at me with a bewildered look on his face. Diane smiled, hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek.

"My goodness, Jacob, you look like a different young man and I like it," she said.

My Dad just stood there.

"If you don’t mind, Jacob, what the hell’s going on here. Who owns the Mustang in the garage and where is this person. Do you have a girl in your suite, Jacob? I want to know what’s happening?"

"I don’t have a girl in my room, Dad. I . . ."

"Mr. Neilson, I was visiting your son in his suite. My name is Brad Mason. Jacob and I are friends. We met at school, and well, we like each other," Brad interrupted.

I almost fainted. I quickly recovered and added,

"I couldn’t introduce you, Dad and Diane. Brad was using the bathroom."

"Nice to meet you, Brad," said Diane.

It was her smile that made me a little uneasy.

"Hi, Brad. I’m glad Jacob’s found a friend at school. He wasn’t happy about moving here. Is your Dad an attorney?"

"Yes, Sir, Travis Mason is my father," Brad said.

"Ah yes, I know him. He’s done some legal work for some of my clients. He’s a good man," my dad said.

"Douglas! Diane! How wonderful to see you. Welcome home," said Sadie as she came up to our little group standing in the hallway.

Diane hugged Sadie, and to my surprise, so did my father. As my father hugged Sadie, she faced me and winked at me. I felt a little relieved.

"Brad was staying with Jacob until I got home from taking Father Jim to his apartment. He had lunch with us today. You’re earlier than I anticipated, Douglas."

As my Dad turned to follow Sadie and Diane down the hall toward the living room, Diane looked back and smiled and winked. My Dad stopped, turned, and said,

"Brad, thanks for staying here while Sadie was out of the house. I really appreciate it. Thanks again."

Our collective sighs must have been heard all the way to North Carolina. As the three of them disappeared down the hall, I pulled Brad back into the room and away from the door. I was in his arms in a millisecond.

"Brad, Sweetie, I’m so sorry for this mess. Kiss me, please. Show me you still love me."

Brad was kissing me hard on the lips his tongue in my mouth exploring, and I was rubbing his growing hardon. We were both moaning, lost in each other, when we heard the gentle knock on the door. We separated immediately, but it was too late for there stood Diane. She smiled at the two of us, came into the room, and told us,

"I thought you were more than friends. I’m so happy for you, Jacob. You seem so happy, so alert. We’ll deal with your dad later. I think it best that you two kiss goodnight, and you, Jacob, need to spend some time with your dad and me."

I kissed Brad quickly and we followed Diane down the hall and into the kitchen.  Brad said his farewells to Sadie and my father and Diane.

Brad and I went out to the garage. Brad grabbed me and pulled me tightly against his chest. He kissed me roughly and strongly.

"You know I love you, Jacob Neilson and I will never deny you."

I just hugged my sweetheart tighter, closer, and tears ran down my cheeks.

"I know. I know. Oh, Brad, I love you, too. I love you so much that at times like this it really hurts me. I don’t want you to leave. I want you in my bed tonight. Call me when you get home. You have my cell number. Kiss me again."

He did kiss me, hurriedly got into the Mustang, and backed out of the garage and drove away. I cannot remember ever feeling so empty, so alone. But I knew tomorrow we would be together at school and that mitigated my emptiness.

To be continued...

“The measure of love is to love without measure"

Feedback always welcome:     

It is with regret that I inform my readers that Wayne will no longer edit for me.  His own involvement with music now occupies his energy and attention, and as it should be, he needs to devote his time there.  I may be losing Wayne as my editor, but I will keep him as my dear friend.  It is with much pleasure that I introduce you to my new editor, Peter.  I have known Peter for some time and am aware of his skill as an editor.  I know he will contribute to the quality of the story.  I look forward to working with him.

Finally, I cannot thank Wayne in the manner I should for all the work he did on “The Professor and Sean” and the first ten chapters of “Finding Love: A Journey.”  I also wish to extend my thanks to Peter for accepting the job of editor which is done without any expectation of reward except for assisting a writer in making his creation better.

Posted: 10/05/07