Rumspringa

By: Morris Henderson
(© 2011 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 4 

"ZACK!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Jason knew very well what Isaac was doing.  His question sprang from complete disbelief.  It was the last thing he expected to see.  He had come to check on the ailing boys and stood at the door to the bedroom, aghast at the scene before him. 

Isaac cried out in anguish, guilt, and shame, "OH SHIT!"  Only then did he realize how careless he had been.  His lustful behavior pierced his soul like a hot poker.  He recoiled from his position next to Jeremiah's naked body, curled into a fetal position, and began to sob.

Jeremiah, abruptly awakened by the commotion, was thoroughly confused and too disoriented to speak.  Questions raced through his mind.  'What's all the screaming about?  Why is Zack crying?  Why does Jason look so furious?  And why am I naked with a full erection?'  It was all too bizarre to make any sense of.

Jason regretted his outburst, regretted entering the bedroom without permission, and suddenly felt sorry for poor Isaac.  He rushed in, put an arm around the suffering boy, and said, "I'm sorry, Zack.  I shouldn't have shouted at you.  It's all right now.  I'm calmed down.  Now I want you to calm down."

"What's going on?" Jeremiah asked as he pulled the sheet up to cover his throbbing member.

"You don't know?" Jason asked incredulously.

"I was asleep until I heard the yelling," Jeremiah explained.

"I'll explain later," Jason said, wanting to give his full attention to the sobbing young man who had assaulted his bedmate.

While Jeremiah sat in complete puzzlement, Jason continued to try to settle Isaac down.  After several minutes, he was successful and the humiliated boy buried his head into Jason's shoulder.  "I'm sorry," he blubbered through his tears.

"It's all right," Jason replied without really believing that it was.  "Why don't we go downstairs to the kitchen and have a cup of tea.  I think we need to talk."

"What's this all about?" Jeremiah asked.

"Later, Jerry.  Zack or I will explain things in the morning.  Just try to go back to sleep."

While Jason brewed the tea and set two cups on the kitchen table, Isaac sat with his head bowed, punishing himself for his behavior.

"Now, then," Jason began.  "I know what you were doing.  But I don't know why.  Talk to me.  If I know why you were doing it, maybe I can help."

Isaac raised his head and stared at Jason for several moments, worrying that it would only make his situation worse to confess his yearnings.  Eventually he spoke.  "The devil is in me.  He plants thoughts in my mind, evil thoughts.  Satan took over tonight.  I failed to fight him off.  I allowed myself to do what he wanted me to do.  I'm not homosexual, Jason, but I have these wicked thoughts about men — Jerry in particular.  His body, tonight, was like a forbidden fruit and I had to have it.  I've condemned myself to eternal damnation!"

Jason did not believe Zack's denial of being homosexual but chose not to dispute it.  Instead, he said, "Hold on, Zack.  One transgression is not going to send you to Hell.  God is loving.  And forgiving.  You're not doomed for just one mistake."

"But my thoughts!" Isaac protested.  "They're with me all the time! Isn't it sinful to have those thoughts?"

"No," Jason responded immediately, not sure whether it was true or not.  To comfort his young friend he said, "The only thing that matters is what you DO.  Tonight you made a mistake, a serious mistake because Jerry was asleep.  But you can avoid that mistake in the future.  And I have to think that you will."

Because Isaac trusted Jason and because he wanted to believe him, the remorse he felt began to dissipate.  But fear lingered, fear that his family would find out.  "I can't disappoint my family," he said.  "I couldn't stand it if they were ashamed of me."

"First of all, Zack, there's no need for your family to know.  I won't tell them and I'm sure Jerry won't.  Secondly, remember the purpose of Rumspringa.  It's a chance for you to experience things like electricity, cars, alcohol, and even sex so you can make an informed decision on whether to return home for baptism or live in the outside world.  Everyone back home understands that and — even if they found out what you did — there would be no recriminations.  But they won't find out.  I'm sure of that."

"But I'm still a Sodomite!" Isaac declared forcefully.

"You may or may not be homosexual.  That's something you'll have to decide for yourself.  It may be a passing phase in your development.  Or the attraction to men and the urges may persist.  If they do, you still have the option of living what we call a straight life — what you would call a righteous life — by controlling your urges and not acting on them as you did tonight.  I think the best thing for you to do right now is to pray for forgiveness and then get a good night's sleep."

Isaac rose from the table without having even tasted his tea.  "Thanks, Jason.  For helping me understand.  For promising not to tell anyone.  And for a million other things."

Meanwhile, Jeremiah tried to solve the mystery.  The clues were clear: Jason's initial anger, Zack's uncontrolled sobbing, and most of all the fact that he had been naked with an erection.  The explanation for what happened was not certain but was logical.  His friend had removed his briefs and fondled his penis to erection; Jason caught him doing it and was understandably shocked.  'Could Zack be homosexual like me?' he wondered, unable to accept the obvious conclusion.  'He says he condemns homosexuality so why would he do that?  Perhaps to conceal his real feelings?'

When the contrite young man returned and entered the bedroom Jeremiah asked, "What's going on?"

Without answering, Isaac knelt on his side of the bed and prayed silently for a long time.  He then rose and climbed into bed facing away from Jeremiah.

Jeremiah asked again, "Come on, Zack, tell me what's going on."

There was no response.  With his frustration rising, Jeremiah shook his friend's shoulder and asked, "Don't I get an answer?"

Isaac sat bolt upright and growled, "Don't touch me! I'm unclean!"

"Okay," the surprised Jeremiah said.  "But I think I deserve an explanation.  If I know what's the matter, maybe I can help.  You might as well tell me because I'll keep asking and neither of us will get any sleep tonight."

Isaac was quiet for several minutes and finally decided that an apology was an important part of his repentance.  "Okay, Jerry.  You're going to hate me but here's what happened.  You were asleep so I did what I wanted to do.  I'm sorry.  I took off your underwear.  I fondled your penis and testicles.  You got an erection.  I lost all sense of honor and started to masturbate you.  The more I did it, the better I felt.  Then Jason walked in, shouted, and woke you up.  The rest of the story you know ...  except this: I've wanted to do it for a long time.  I know it's wrong.  It's a sin against God and nature but I couldn't help myself.  I was possessed by Satan.  There! Now you know! And I'm sure you think I'm a disgusting Sodomite."

Jeremiah's suspicions were confirmed.  He had been molested in his sleep.  That explained everything.  But he felt a deep sympathy for Isaac, who was obviously ashamed and distraught.  So he said something that he thought might make his friend feel better.  "Zack, if you had done it when I was awake, I would have welcomed it.  And I'd have done the same to you.  Why? Because I've wanted to since the night we arrived here.  You have no idea how much I've wanted to."

Isaac looked at Jeremiah for a long time, unable to believe what he had heard.  The implications were overpoweringly dangerous and he blurted out, "BUT WE CAN'T! It's not right! If we do, it will condemn us to Hell."

Recognizing Isaac's emphatic refusal to engage in any physical contact, Jeremiah said, "We don't have to, Zack.  Maybe it's enough to know that you're not alone, that both of us are attracted to other men.  It's enough for me to know that I'm not the only one with those desires.  We can still be friends — maybe better friends — with a shared secret.  A secret that nobody else will ever know."

The two young men, after a long period of privately processing the new information, finally fell asleep.

<><><><><> 

The next morning at breakfast, Jason asked Isaac, "Feeling better this morning?"

"Yes," he replied with a cheerfulness that surprised Jason.  "Thanks to you ...  and to Jerry ...  I feel much better.  And I've made a decision.  I'm going home.  As soon as possible.  I'm going to be baptized.  One day I will get married and raise a family.  That — and God's help — will allow me to control the demon inside me."

Isaac's plan and his obvious conviction surprised Jason and Jeremiah because they doubted whether the "demon" would ever be fully controlled.

That evening after supper, Jason asked, "Zack, are you sure you want to go home sooner than expected? You're welcome to stay here, you know.  I don't think you'll try anything like what you did last night.  Sure, you may face temptation and have to suppress your feelings but, on the plus side, that will help build your strength to resist.  Practice makes perfect, as they say."

"Thanks for the offer, Jason.  But I'm not sure I deserve your confidence in me.  I'll be better off at home."

"How will you explain coming home early?" Jason probed.

"Simple.  I'll just say that I've seen enough of the wickedness among the ‘English’ to be certain about the life I want to lead."

"You have every right to make your own decisions," Jason said.  "I'll miss you.  I've become very fond of you.  But I recognize you deserve to be happy and I wish you all the best in the future."

"That goes double for me," Jeremiah said.  "You've become a very good friend, my best friend.  And I admire your courage to return to where you'll be happy."

"Thanks, guys," Isaac said.  "You've both been wonderful to me and I appreciate it.  How about you, Jerry? Will you be going home after Rumspringa?"

"I haven't decided yet," Jeremiah replied.  "And I think you know the reason based on what we talked about last night."

Isaac was puzzled for a moment while he recalled the conversation but then said, "You mean...?" He left his question unfinished so as not to reveal to Jason the secret they had vowed to keep.

"Exactly!" Jeremiah replied.

The two young men looked at each other for a few moments, wanting to say more but unwilling to do so with Jason present.  Jason tried to decode the enigmatic exchange.  He hoped for some clue to the mystery from the boys' expressions but it was no help.  With the judgment that comes with age, he decided not to inquire and intrude on their private communication.

Jason drove Isaac home on Saturday.  Jeremiah then had the bedroom and the bed all to himself.   But it did little to help him sleep.  His fantasies of Isaac while masturbating — and what might have been — were bitter-sweet.  He was also left with the inevitable but dreaded decision: should he, like Isaac, return to the familiar, loving home or did he dare to live the life he craved? 

To be continued...

AUTHOR’S NOTE:  Thanks to Iatia for valuable contributions to this story.

Posted: 06/03/11