The Reluctant Mentor
By: Morris Henderson
(© 2009 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 5

Rick awakened slowly as usual and he lay in bed as the fog of slumber dissipated. Suddenly, he became aware that someone was spooned into his back. An arm was draped across his waist; the hand on the end of the arm lay motionless on his cock. Was this another dream? No. It was real. It was Todd pressed against his backside and the young man’s morning woody was nestled into the crack of his ass. Yes, it was real, not another dream. He and Todd had sex the night before, both willing, both eager, both thankful that their needs had been met. It seemed too good to be true. But it was true. Decades of longing and frustration had been expunged in an episode of erotic delight.

Rick lay there recalling the totally unexpected turn of events that he had once feared but that now seemed to be the answer to his prayers. Fortune had indeed smiled on him. Practical considerations began to intrude into his mind -- primarily, what was best for Todd? Would other sexual contacts help or hurt him? It might help because he enjoyed it (although not nearly as much as he did) and had no other opportunities to satisfy his needs. It might hurt him if he became dependent on a 57-year-old, frustrated man instead of seeking a partner closer to his age. And there was the original goal: to help Todd cope with the cruel discrimination and the lonely isolation he faced. That was a problem for which Rick still had no solution.

As much as he enjoyed laying there with Todd, there was a more urgent problem; he had to pee. He extracted himself very carefully from his young companion, leaving the sleeping Adonis, and planning to return to blissfully cuddle. It was not to be. Upon leaving the bathroom, he saw that Todd was awake and rushing past him with a hurried, “Good morning.” Moments late, the toilet flushed, the door flew open, Todd ran to the bed, jumped on top of an astonished Rick, and gave him a long, tight hug.

“My word! You’re chipper this morning,” Rick laughed.

“Yeah,” Todd enthused. “Wanna know why?”

“I haven’t a clue,” Rick joked.

“It’s ‘cause of last night. I think it was the best night of my life. I’m so happy I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

“I don’t want you to cry,” Rick said. “Let’s see if I can make you laugh.” He rolled Todd off onto his back, straddled his hips, and began to tickle him aggressively. Todd laughed even harder when Rick discovered his most ticklish spots.

“Stop! Stop! Back off!” Todd managed to shout between fits of laughter but Rick kept up the playful torture. “Want me to hit you upside the head like you said I should?” Todd yelled.

Rick yielded to the young man’s plea and lay down beside him.

“That was wicked,” Todd grinned.

“No siree!” Rick objected. “That was playful. What we did last night was wicked.”

Todd gave Rick a mischievous grin and said, “Can we be wicked again? Like last night?”

“No.” Rick teased. “I think I’d better check the TV news to see if the road is clear.”

Rick sat up as though preparing to turn on the TV but Todd pulled him back down and said in a pleading tone, “Please! We may not have another chance like this for a long time.”

The puzzle of whether to engage in sex again with Todd didn’t even enter Rick’s mind. The opportunity was irresistible and he pulled Todd into an embrace, pressing the full length of their naked bodies tightly together.

After several minutes of fondling and foreplay, they settled into a 69 position. Unlike the previous night, neither felt a need to race toward orgasm. Rather, without any explicit agreement, each of them worked slowly on the other’s cock, enjoying the feel and taste in their mouths and, of course, the stimulation of their own genitals. Todd, as might be expected of the much younger man, was the first to tense up, groan, and release several spurts of cum into Rick’s mouth. It took Rick longer to reach climax but not because of Todd’s lack of skill.

They lay together for almost an hour. Rick took the opportunity to remind Todd, “The sex we enjoy together cannot go on forever. You have to find a younger partner.”

“I know that, Rick. And I will. I don’t know how to do it but I’ll try. In the meantime, I’d like to think that we can get together once in a while. I would enjoy it and I think you would, too.”

“Okay,” Rick agreed. “As long as you remember that what we do together is just sex and there can never be any thought of a continuing relationship.”

“That bothers me, Rick. I may find someone ... someone who might even be a life-partner. Where does that leave you? Are you going to try to find a partner, too?

“Perhaps. But I’m smart enough to realize that I’m not a young man anymore. Nobody’s going to be hitting on me. Besides, my sex drive will start to diminish. Who would want a partner that can’t perform?”

“That’s sad,” Todd said. “I’m sorry.”

Rick abruptly interrupted him and said emphatically. “Stop right there! Don’t feel sorry for me! I don’t want sympathy!” There was an awkward pause while Todd tried to understand Rick’s anger.

Rick had realized that any time spent with Todd might become only a fond memory. More distressing, he might never have another man in his bed. Most disturbing of all was a suspicion that emerged in his mind, which prompted him to say, “And if having sex with me is just a favor to an old man, thanks but no thanks!”

Todd didn’t take time to think of a response but what he said was inspired. “Listen to me, Rick. Believe what I say because it’s the truth. I wanted to have sex with you. Like I told you, it’s been a long time since I had real sex and I wanted it. More importantly, I wanted it with you. Why? Because you’re kind ... considerate ... fun to be with ... and you’re handsome. Yes, Rick, you’re handsome! And I’ve never thought of you as old. Last night, I took special pains to arouse you and give you pleasure. That wasn’t a favor to an old man. I enjoyed exploring your body. It was my way of thanking you for everything you’ve done for me. I wanted to do it and I enjoyed doing it. Sympathy was never a part of it.”

Elegantly chastised, Rick regretted his outburst. He stared in wonder at the young man who was obviously sincere. Emotions overwhelmed him. He held Todd tightly, almost taking the teen’s breath away, and began to cry for the first time since he was a child. He hadn’t even cried when his wife died. Now he was being a child again to Todd as a loving parent. The irony was obvious. He had wanted to help Todd but it was Todd who rendered the greatest help.

Todd returned the hug but let Rick exhaust his tears and regain composure. He had not felt sorry for Rick until this cathartic exchange. Now, however, he was deeply sorry for a man who had been haunted by forbidden desire for years and now faced his own mortality without much hope of finding a companion. Yes, he was sorry for Rick but could never say so because it would arouse the man’s anger again.

Rick apologized for his lack of emotional control. Todd brushed it off and said, “Rick, there’s one more thing I want to say. I love you ... not as a partner or a lover ... but as a very good friend.”

“Thank you, Todd. I can’t think of anything I’d rather be than your friend.”

“Now,” Todd said. “How about some breakfast? I’m starved.”

They dressed and went to the dining hall for a buffet breakfast. They inquired at the front desk about progress on clearing the road and were pleased that it would be open by late afternoon. Rick told Todd to call his grandparents’ house. “Your parents may or may not be concerned but they would appreciate your call. And be sure to ask how your grandfather is.”

Having made the call, they decided to take a hike through the surrounding forest, following the foot paths that made their walk as easy as it was pleasant. After an hour, Rick suggested they leave the path and explore the wooded hills. Half an hour later, they came to a clearing where they decided to sit down and rest.

“I’m curious,” Todd said. “You’ve been gay all your life but you married and lived a straight life. Why?”

“The answer is simple,” Rick replied. “Things were different when I was your age. If you think the discrimination you endure now is bad, it was infinitely worse back then. How bad was it? Sex with a woman before marriage was condemned but, in general, it was accepted as a natural instinct -- immoral but could be forgiven. There was no tolerance whatsoever for queers or homos. There are still remnants of those feelings today, especially among religious zealots, but attitudes have changed significantly. I chose to live straight to avoid the malicious persecution from family, friends, and -- it seemed -- the whole of society. So I took the easy route and got married, raised a family, and conformed to society’s expectations.”

“So all those years, you never had sex with a man?”

“Not quite. As a junior in high school, I was almost convinced that I was gay and it wasn’t just a phase I was going through. But that summer my Dad hired a college kid as a farm hand. He and I had sex a lot. It was wonderful. It convinced me that I was different ... and always would be. But I could never tell anybody. It would shame my family and subject me to bullying far worse than what I think you have to put up with.”

“So you got married just to hide what you really wanted?”

“Exactly. But don’t get me wrong. I learned to love my wife. We had some good sex, too. I enjoyed my kids and I’m proud of them. So, you see, I’ve had a pretty good life. But enough about me. Tell me about yourself. Like when did you decide that you were gay?”

“I guess it was when I went through puberty. I was about 13. At first, I was just fascinated with the changes in my body. I got interested in other guys and how they were developing. Then I learned how to jerk off and I was hooked. Of course I knew about reproduction and how men get women pregnant. But girls didn’t interest me at all. I became more and more attracted to other guys. That worried me. A lot. I knew what all the other kids thought about queers and I sure didn’t want to be called names and shut off from having any friends. So I kept my secret. That is, until I met Cory. We were juniors in high school and became good friends. On one of our sleepovers--I guess we were both horny--we jerked off together. Later, we jerked each other off. Then we started sucking dick. We did that a lot. I thought I had found a kindred soul because he was usually the one to start things and I was glad to go along. Then one day we had an argument. I told him that another guy in my math class was really hot. He flew into a jealous rage. I couldn’t believe how mad he got; he was totally out of control. To get even with me he spread the word all over school that I had tried to talk him into having sex with him. He claimed to have refused and that was why we were no longer friends. He said he couldn’t be friends with a perverted fag. Everybody believed him. What could I do? I sure as hell couldn’t say that he was queer, too, and that we had been jerking off together and sucking each other. That would just confirm that I was queer and sound like I was getting revenge on him.”

“So that’s when you became an outcast?”

“Right. I tried to tough it out but one day a gang of guys beat up on me. I was crying when I got home. Not from the beating as much as from the constant harassment. Mom and Dad were upset, of course. They coaxed me to tell them what happened and why. That’s when I came out to them, figuring they might as well hate me like everyone else did. But they were wonderful. I couldn’t believe it! They still loved me! They had a fag son and they loved me! Dad wanted to have the bullies punished but I insisted that it would only make matter worse. So we moved to get away from the torment. I objected to their having to move but they did anyway. I was glad they did it for me.”

“And the new school was better?” Rick asked.

“For a while. But somehow everybody found out. I can’t prove it but I’m sure the captain of the football team -- he was one of the guys that beat me up -- told somebody on the new school’s team about me. That was a bad break but I’m lucky that kids in the new school don’t call me names. They just avoid me.”

“I can understand, Todd, that it’s still difficult for you. Not to have any friends at school, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Todd said wistfully. “I tried to join the drama club at school but the faculty advisor told me I would be a bad influence on the others and asked me please not try out for the school play.”

“He should be fired for that!” Rick said angrily.

“It was a she,” Todd corrected. “But it’s just as well. None of the other kids in the drama club would talk to me, anyway. Except Stu. He’s pretty much like me -- not gay but he doesn’t fit into the crowd. He’s the only friend I have at school. Two misfits. He takes a lot of crap from others for hanging out with me but he says -- excuse the language -- ‘Fuck ‘em. I don’t care what they think of me.’ I try to feel the same way but I’d prefer to be accepted. And have more friends.”

“So you like Stu?” Rick asked.

“He’s okay. Kinda crude sometimes. But brilliant. Straight A in college prep classes. And funny. He has a knack for seeing things that others don’t. Like when I told him that the teacher didn’t want me in the drama club. He said it was her preacher talking through her mouth and the words didn’t even pass through her brain. I laughed at that ‘cause it was true.

“From what you’ve told me,” Rick said, “it sounds like you’ve accepted being gay ... being different from other guys. But you’re not happy that others don’t accept you and make friends with you.”

“That’s pretty much it,” Todd said. “But I can live with that. As long as nobody beats me up again.”

“That’s just about what I guessed that first day I saw you in the pool. You were all alone. I guessed that you wanted to join the others. Seeing you like that made me think of how I felt at your age ... lonely ... wanting friends. Then one of the boys in the pool seemed to snarl at you. You didn’t look at all happy when you got out of the pool. Want to know why I asked you to get me an ice tea?”

“Yeah. I thought that was strange.”

“Because I thought I knew how you felt -- being an outsider, I mean. I didn’t know then that you were gay. This sounds trite but I could feel your pain and I wanted to help you. I didn’t know how but I wanted to make you feel better.”

“That was nice of you, Rick. But there’s nothing can be done about it. I’m gay. I accept that. I just wish others would accept it. It would be nice to join the drama club. It would be nice to be invited to parties. Even having other kids talk to me would be nice. But I guess I’ll just have to live with their bigotry.”

“I realize it’s tough, Todd. That’s why I want to help. But I don’t know how. Maybe if we put our heads together, we can figure something out.”

“Right!” Todd replied in a tone iced with sarcasm. “You got a magic wand? Sure, I’d rather be like the rest of the kids and be included in their circle of friends but that’ll never happen, will it? Not as long as I’m gay and they hate queers.”

“There’s got to be some way I can help,” Rick said, feeling powerless.

Todd looked seriously at Rick for several moments and worked up courage to say, “You told me you don’t want sympathy. Well, neither do I! I can take care of myself, thank you very much!”

Rick was unpleasantly surprised at what appeared to be a rejection of help. All he could think of to say was, “Okay. But I’m available any time you want to talk.”

“Sorry,” Todd said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know you’re just trying to be nice to me.”

“Here’s a puzzler for you, Todd. What’s the difference between sympathy and compassion?”

The question seemed to derail the conversation. “Well,” Todd answered, “I guess I don’t know.”

“Sympathy is merely feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is recognizing another’s pain or misfortune and wanting to do something about it. That’s a huge difference. When I accused you of having sex with me out of sympathy for an old man, you explained that you wanted to do something for me to make me feel better. That was compassion that I mistook for sympathy. Well, that’s how I feel toward you. I recognize the difficulties you’re having and -- with your permission -- I’d like to do something to make you happier.”

“That’s really cool,” Todd grinned. “I like that. But you know what would make me happy?”

“No. What?”

I’d like to go back to the lodge now ... go to our room ... and be wicked.”

“TODD! We’re having a serious discussion here and you’re thinking about sex!”

“Please, Rick. It may be our last chance ... at least for a long time.”

“That’s what you said this morning. How many times are you going to use that excuse?” Rick asked jokingly.

“As many as I can! Then I’ll think of something new. Let’s go.”

To be continued...

Posted:12/18/09