GRANDSON'S EDUCATION
By: Morris Henderson
(Copyright 2007 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

 Chapter 16
Jerry's Advice

Having made love to each other for more than an hour, they laid quietly in bed embracing, each lost in their own thoughts. Jerry was alternately thankful for being able to break his 30+ years of unfulfilled yearning and dreading the inevitable end of the vacation. Kevin, too, was grateful for the comfort of finally accepting what he was and the joy of experience of gay sex. However, his thoughts also revolved around condition three -- the difficulty of having to find another partner -- and, significantly, Casey. Or, more precisely, reflecting on his and Casey's behavior during the brief time they spent together.

"Is it all right if we talk for a while?" Kevin asked.

"Of course."

"I've been trying to remember everything you told me ... about finding somebody like me, I mean. And I've been thinking about Casey. And I get more confused. No, worried more than confused."

Jerry made a guess as to what worried Kevin: the typical difficulty of gay boy being attracted to another boy but fearful of saying so. He had the same feelings as a teenager. However, he chose to let Kevin clarify what was troubling him. "Go on," he urged.

"Casey is really nice. We seemed to get along great right from the start. We were just having fun with various video games but then I started to wonder what he would look like naked. That wasn't so bad but he caught me looking at him. I was embarrassed and scared at the same time because he might think that I was mentally undressing him, which, of course, I was but what would he think of me for doing it? I tried to control my eyes like you told me, but he caught me again. Then, I was really scared."

"Did he say or do anything when he saw you looking?"

"No. He just kept playing the game with me. So I began to feel better about it. But then I caught him looking at me -- just the way I had looked at him. I know he saw that I saw him looking at me but he just smiled and continued playing the game. At one point, he asked me about my family, how I liked school, and whether I had a girlfriend at home. I said 'no' but then he asked a strange question. He asked if I had a boyfriend. He had a funny kind of smile when he asked that. I said 'no' and we went back to playing the game. Here's what bothers me. He asked me the same questions that I wanted to ask him but I don't know if his reasons were the same as mine. Do you think he was testing me, trying to find out if I was gay?"

"It's possible," Jerry mused, not yet willing to draw any firm conclusions from what Kevin had said. "Was there anything else that might make you think that?"

"Well, when I saw you, I said I had to go because my grandpa was waiting for me. He said he hoped we could see each other again. Finally, we agreed to meet in the pool tomorrow afternoon and he looked positively happy at the thought. So here's the bottom line. I'm attracted to him. I suspect he's also attracted to me but how can I be sure?"

"From your description, Kevin, it sounds like there were some definite clues but, as you realize, you can't be sure. It would be nice if people could come out and say what they're thinking but the world isn't like that, especially for gays. What people say and do is often quite different from what they think. Of course, there's a reason for that. Dustin Hoffman was in a movie called Tootsie. At one point, he was dressed as a woman and talking to another woman. The other woman said she wished men would be more honest. Instead of the usual pick-up lines, she wished they would say, 'you're interesting and I'd like to make love to you.' Later in the movie, Dustin Hoffman was dressed as a man and met the same woman. Remembering what she had said, Hoffman said, 'I like you and want to go to bed with you.' The woman threw a glass of wine in his face and walked away. So why the story? It's just to say that it's risky to come out with the truth even when that's what the other person wants to hear. How would you react if Casey had said, 'let's go somewhere, get naked, and have sex'?

Kevin grinned and said, "I guess the same way as when Patrick did that back at the lake."

"Exactly. Straight guys and girls have to play a game to build up to what they both really want. Gays have to play a similar game but the risks are much greater. If a girl gets mad at you and tells her friends that you're a crude sex-maniac, it's not so bad. But another guy is likely to get really pissed and spread the word that you're a fag. A reputation as a crude sex-maniac is far more acceptable when you're interested in girls. I know you don't want to hear it but it's true. You have to be very careful and inch toward your goal rather than impulsively leaping toward it."

"But how do I do that? If I'm in another situation like with Casey today, what should I say?"

"It's been a very long time since I faced that problem so I'm not sure I can give you any easy answers or even very good advice. You're going to have to rely on your instincts and judgment in each new situation. You may make some mistakes but you'll get better at it with practice. As for Casey, here's what I think I would do if I were in your position. Take the opportunity to practice your skills at observing. Every time he says something or does something you think is suggestive, respond accordingly. I don't mean take a big leap, I mean inch toward what would be leading in the direction of revealing what you and maybe he really want. Then pay attention to his reaction. If he backs off, you back off but if he moves the next inch, let it keep going. You'll be together in the pool tomorrow. That's your opportunity to practice the game that you'll have to play back home with a boy who interests you and may be interested in you."

Kevin thought about that for a while and said, "I'll do it. What's the worst that could happen? He'll find out I'm gay and then have nothing to do with me. So what? I'll never see him again so why should I care?"

"Or," Jerry added, "You'll find out that he's gay. Gay and attractive. Which leads to another possibility you should be prepared for. He may suggest -- or you may suggest -- that you sneak off somewhere for a little bit of pleasure."

"I'd never do that!" Kevin exclaimed. "That wouldn't be fair to you."

"Fair? Sure it's fair. It would just be a logical interpretation of condition three. We both know that it would be a one-time experience but it's very much a part of learning how to find another boy your own age. In fact, if it gets to that point with Casey, I think you should invite him to the cabin. I'll get lost while you two enjoy yourselves. Just remember what I've told you about STD's."

Kevin was aghast at his grandfather, in effect, encouraging him to have sex with another boy. He stared in amazement at Jerry. "I can't believe you said that!"

"Yes, Kevin, I really mean it. I really want you to practice the game -- and it is a game -- of leading up to having sex And that is part of the larger game of finding a long-term partner. I say that only because I know you like Casey, he's a fine looking boy, and I trust you to say no if he wants something that you don't. Consider it a part of your sex education and not just a way to get your rocks off."

"You're really serious?" Kevin asked, still not believing what he had heard.

"I promised to be honest with you. I'm being honest."

Kevin hugged Jerry. No words were necessary to express his appreciation and love.

To be continued...

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Posted: 10/05/07