GRANDSON'S EDUCATION
By: Morris Henderson
(Copyright 2007 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

 Chapter 3
Out in the Open

When Kevin awoke the next morning, his grandpa's sleeping bag was empty for which he was grateful because he could dress without the embarrassment of exposing his usual morning woodie. Emerging from the tent, he saw his grandpa had built a fire to chase away the morning chill. He walked a short distance into the woods, briefly considered a quick jerk off, but decided he would just piss. The stream of urine arced high as it shot out from his very erect cock. Kevin found himself comparing the trajectory of piss with that of cum, which then restored the tormented thoughts of the night before when he lay despondently wrestling with his sexual needs versus the fear of satisfying or even revealing them. He returned to the camp site in a mental funk.

Jerry was now fixing a breakfast of pancakes over the fire. "And a good morning to you," he said to Kevin with just a tinge of sarcasm because Kevin had not bothered to speak to his grandpa on his way to piss.

Still in a funk, Kevin replied unenthusiastically, "Morning."

"I thought we might do a little fishing this morning. With any luck, we can catch enough to have for lunch."

"Okay," Kevin grunted.

"Are you always grouchy in the morning?" Jerry asked.

"Sorry," he replied apologetically but unwilling to explain what was bothering him.

"Then, this afternoon when it's warmer, we could swim some more. How's that sound?"

Swimming meant only one thing to Kevin in his current mood--nudity...arousal...embarrassment...risking the disclosure of his secret desires. With a clearly artificial tone of cheerfulness, Kevin said "Okay, grandpa."

Jerry recognized, of course, that something was troubling his grandson but decided, for the time being, to let it go. Later, if Kevin didn't return to his usual, animated self, he would pursue the matter.

Soon, the two campers were on the shore of the lake. Jerry was pleased to see that the boy's mood had improved somewhat as he concentrated on casting a fly out into the lake and making the first catch of the day. Still, the boy seemed to have only a fraction of the enthusiasm of the day before.

Having caught enough fish for a light lunch, Jerry suggested that they just dangle a baited hook in the water and relax. Kevin readily agreed. Jerry's motive was not relaxation although that would be pleasant but, rather, creating an opportunity to talk to his grandson, identify the source of any problem, and help him through to a solution. "Homesick?" he asked.

"Not at all," Kevin replied immediately.

Moments later, "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine."

That sort of probing did little to reveal what, if anything, was causing Kevin's uncharacteristically subdued mood so Jerry decided to take a more direct approach. "Forgive me for asking but I've noticed that you seem a little out of sorts today. If something is troubling you, I'd like to help. Is there something bothering you?"

The question instantly revived Kevin's turmoil about sex, being different, and his forbidden attraction to his grandfather. He said, "No, nothing's wrong." But his slight scowl conflicted with his words and betrayed some unrevealed problem.

Jerry contemplated his next approach for a few silent, awkward minutes before saying, "Last night, you said I was your best friend. I was immensely flattered because you mean so very much to me. As your best friend, I want to help you whenever I can. If something is bothering you, I'd like you to tell me so I can understand and help you."

Kevin looked into his grandpa's face. He knew that his grandpa loved him but telling him what the problem was would risk losing that love...losing his best and only good friend. He couldn't bring himself to confessing the truth. Jerry correctly assumed that there was a problem, that the problem was serious, and that Kevin--for an yet unknown reason--was reluctant to talk about it. To encourage Kevin to explain the problem, Jerry wrapped his arm around the boy and held him close. "Talk to me, Kevin. Talk to your best friend."

That simple expression of love and support seemed to unglue Kevin's resolve to conceal his feelings. Unable to control his tumultuous emotions, Kevin buried his head into his grandfather's chest and began to cry.

Jerry was simultaneously relieved that he seemed to be on a path leading to exposing the problem, greatly saddened that the problem was distressing his grandson so much, and hopeful that, somehow, he might be able to help. While he comforted the boy and let him cry, he racked his brain trying to recall some clue as to what Kevin's problem might be. He came up with no viable theory.

Kevin's crying had subsided. Jerry put a hand under his chin and gently raised his head so he could look into the boy's face. "Talk to me, Kevin. Tell me what's hurting you. I want to help but I have to know what the problem is."

"No," Kevin sputtered through his tears. "You'll hate me. I just couldn't bear that."

"I'll never hate you, Kevin. I love you. I always will. But it hurts me to see you hurting. Let me help if I can." Jerry then kissed Kevin lightly on the forehead, which triggered another burst of sobs from Kevin who loved his grandpa, trusted him, but was still afraid of divulging his shameful secret.

After several minutes of hugging his grandson, whose tears were a little more under control, Jerry still had no clue as to the nature of the problem but was more resolved than ever to help.

Finally, Kevin gained enough composure to say, "You must think I'm a baby for crying."

"Not at all," Jerry said softly. "I've cried many times in my life. I cried when your mother was born. I cried when you were born. Those were tears of happiness. But I've also cried when I was sad and upset. I cried when your father died. I cried when your grandmother died. Remember when I promised to come to your soccer championship game and I wasn't there because I had to go out of town? That night I cried because I wasn't there for you and had broken a promise to you. I've cried lots of times. It's perfectly okay to cry. What's not okay is to suffer alone when somebody else can help. Let me help you, Kevin."

"But you'll hate me," Kevin sputtered.

"Never!" Jerry said emphatically. "I can't promise that I can make your pain go away but I can promise that I will always love you. And that's a promise I can and will keep."

Kevin knew that his grandpa meant what he said. He would probably disapprove of the feelings he harbored but he would continue to love him. He made the difficult and courageous decision to reveal his secret. Disengaging from their embrace, Kevin sat with his knees up against his chest, his arms around his legs, and his head buried in his arms as though saying what he was about to say would be easier without seeing his grandfather's reaction.

"I like boys, grandpa. I don't like girls. I'm different. I'm weird. But I can't help it. I masturbate thinking of other boys, never girls. I think I may be queer...a sick queer."

At last, Jerry knew what the problem was. At last he was in a position to help his grandson. "You may or may not be gay, Kevin. But if you are, it's as normal as being left-handed in a right-handed world. And you're certainly not sick because you like boys."

Without looking at his grandfather, Kevin continued. "I think I am sick. I decided that last night. Remember when we were swimming? Seeing you naked gave me a boner. I wanted to touch you, give you a hard-on, make you cum. But you're my grandpa. Being sexually attracted to your grandpa is sick, isn't it? And now that I've told you, I've ruined our vacation. I've made you ashamed of me."

"Come sit next to me, Kevin."

Kevin looked for the first time in a long while at his grandfather who was smiling. Maybe what he said about always loving him was true. Kevin, encouraged by his grandpa's acceptance of his confession, moved over to sit next to his beloved grandpa.

Jerry wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders and said, "Let me tell you about two friends of mine. It was many years ago. Both men were gay. Both of them went through the same agonizing turmoil that you feel now. One made a decision to accept his attraction to men and became an openly gay man. He lost some friends but gained other friends. A few members of his family strongly disapproved of his gay life style but eventually accepted him. The other man made a different decision. He concealed his real interests. He got married just to conform to society's expectations. He had a family and was respected in the community. He was reasonably happy but throughout his life he was haunted by his secret urges to be with a man, to go to bed with a man, to have a truly loving relationship with a man." Jerry paused briefly to allow Kevin to digest the stories and, hopefully, compare the two alternatives. Continuing, he added, "Which of the two men made the right choice, Kevin?"

Kevin thought long and hard, wanting to give the correct answer. But as he contrasted the two stories and projected the implications onto his own future, he only got more confused. Eventually, he said, "I don't know, grandpa. They both seem right and they both seem wrong. The first man was honest but the second man was not. The first man lost respect of his friends and family but the second man lost what really meant a lot to him. What's the correct answer?"

Jerry smiled broadly and said, "You've already given the correct answer. Every gay boy that ever lived had to make a choice. Each choice has consequences -- some good, some bad. There is no right or wrong choice. It's just a choice. It comes down to making a decision. If you are indeed gay--and I really think it's too soon to know that--you have to make a decision. Will you live the gay life with its rewards and consequences or will you live a straight life with its different rewards and consequences. It's a tough decision, I know, and you don't have to decide right away. In fact, I think you should wait a few years to decide. During that time we can talk a lot more about it. I'm sure I can help you make the your decision."

Kevin was very pleased that his grandpa had not reacted with disgust but, rather, had understood and accepted his feelings. He hugged his grandpa and said, "I love you more than ever. Thanks for not hating me."

"I've promised that I would always love you, Kevin. And I'll make another promise. I will always be honest with you. If I think you're doing something wrong or stupid, I'll tell you. If I think you're doing something right or smart, I'll tell you that as well. And telling me about your problem was right and smart. I'm very proud of you."

Kevin grinned at the compliment but also because he was more sure than ever of his grandfather's love and support. They continued to hug each other for a while before Kevin said, "Those two men. You made them up, right? Just to make a point?"

"No, Kevin. The first man--the one who was openly gay--was a fraternity brother of mine in college. He's a lawyer in San Franciso now. We exchange emails once in a while. He's very successful and very happy. He's suffered some painful discrimination in his life but he doesn't regret the choice he made while in college."

"And the second man?" Kevin asked.

Jerry knew that question was coming but he was still unprepared to answer it. To do so would reveal his own secret identity that he had so jealously guarded for decades. However, he knew what the answer, however painful and risky, must be. "Kevin, I've promised that I would always be honest with you and I'm compelled to keep that promise. The second man is me."

Kevin stared blankly at his grandfather for a moment before the significance of what he heard triggered a look of complete surprise on his face. Without thinking, he blurted out, "YOU? You're gay? But you married grandma. Had sex with her. You're a father and a grandfather."

"Yes, Kevin. I'm a gay man who chose to lead a straight life. I made a choice when I was not much older than you are now. It seemed to me to be the right choice at the time and I've had more than my share of satisfactions in life. Chief among them is you. I thoroughly enjoy your company and I'm very proud of your achievement in school and athletics."

"If you were gay like me when you were young, you must have wanted it as bad as I do. And you didn't get what you really wanted. Or did you?" Kevin suddenly realized how tactless his question was and quickly added, "Sorry. You don't have to answer that."

"Ah, but I think I should because it might help you come to terms with your feelings and help you make a decision about your future. I messed around with a couple of boys in high school. Nothing serious. It was pure sex. I had a steady boyfriend in college and we were much more intimate with each other but we eventually agreed that there was no real love between us so we broke it off. Since that time, I've never been with another man. So what's the lesson in that? I suppose it is that it's okay to mess around with another boy who is willing and even have a steady boyfriend. But you must always be very discrete and you must think seriously about compatibility and genuine love before committing to a meaningful relationship."

Kevin quietly considered what he had heard before saying, "So it's okay to be gay?"

"Is it okay to be left-handed? Or have red hair? It's different from most people. But being gay is not just different. It's something that many people don't understand. Because they don't understand it, and because many religions preach that it's sinful, people treat gays as sick or sinful or perverts. If you decide to live as an open gay, you can expect others to discriminate against you...even be cruel to you. As I said, you have a tough decision to make. But rest assured, I will help you understand the consequences of your decision. Most important of all, Kevin, I will support whatever decision you make."

"Thanks, grandpa. For listening to me. For understanding and not hating me. For helping me. I feel a lot better now."

"Just one more thing before we fry up our fish for lunch. We've told each other things that we've never told anyone else. It's a secret between good friends. Okay?"

"Okay," Kevin grinned. "But there's lots more I have to learn from you so can we talk some more later?"

Jerry was genuinely pleased that he had begun to ease the burden that tormented his grandson. He even looked forward to more discussions. But he didn't expect that Kevin would form plans for more than discussions.

To be continued...

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Posted: 09/28/07