Caution and Courage
By: Morris Henderson
(© 2012 by the author)
 

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INTRODUCTION

It was a most unlikely friendship.  The trajectory of their early lives ought not to have brought them together, much less spark a friendship.  A brief sketch of their backgrounds will explain why.

Willard Thomas Benson grew up in the Hamptons, home to many moguls, tycoons, and celebrities. His father was a partner in a major Wall Street law firm; his mother was a prominent socialite.  He and his older sister therefore enjoyed all the privileges, comforts, and security of wealth.  As a youngster, he was educated in a prestigious boarding school.  Later, he attended a prep school to earn a high school diploma.  Along the way, he mingled with the progeny of rich and powerful parents.  Many of his classmates, he concluded, were arrogant snobs and therefore quite unlikeable.  He vowed not to be like them ... or, for that matter, like his parents for whom appearances were the highest priority.

Will attended Columbia University and was enrolled in the NROTC program.  He aspired to replicate the naval experience of his father and grandfather.  However, his dreams were dashed early in his sophomore year.  He was caught stealing and selling final exams.  That ended his college studies and his hopes of earning a commission through the NROTC program.  He promptly enlisted,  If he couldn’t be an officer he could at least be in the Navy.   Only then did he tell his parents of his misdeeds at college and his decision to become a sailor.  He was subjected to a ruthless and prolonged tirade.  He was castigated for dishonesty, thoughtlessly choosing to cavort with “ordinary” enlisted men, and, predictably, bringing shame to the family name.  He was effectively disowned, which didn’t matter since he’d planned to distance himself from his family’s obsession over social status and ostentatious display of wealth.

Billy Ray Simpson was raised in rural Mississipi, the eldest of six children and knew nothing but hunger and hard work on his family’s small, hardscrabble farm.  Like his parents, Billy never graduated from high school.  He liked school; it was a welcome break from farm work.  More than that, he liked learning new things.  His love of school was taken from him in the middle of his junior year when his father packed up the family and a few possessions to move to Detroit where he hoped to find work in a factory.  A weekly paycheck would be far better than the meager and unpredictable income from farming.  Billy wasn’t enrolled in school in the big city because, as the eldest child but only sixteen, he had to get a job to help support the family.

For years Billy was fascinated with the notion of sailing the seas.  His longing to see the world intensified while living in the Detroit slums.  As soon as he turned eighteen he enlisted in the Navy.  His parents were surprised and disappointed but (although they’d never acknowledge it) they understood his motivation.

Except for their ambition to join the Navy, one would not conclude that the two young men had anything in common.

Will escaped from the stifling rigidity of expectations imposed on him by his family and from the snobbery that he found increasingly intolerable.  Billy was escaping from a life of poverty.  Their decisions put them on paths that would result in their meeting each other.  But something else was the catalyst for their becoming friends.  Both Will and Billy had ulterior motives that made the Navy appealing: months of mingling with other young, virile men.  But, of course, they could never reveal that interest.  Nor could they ever dare to do more than admire the masculinity that would constantly surround them.  The chances of finding a like-minded partner with whom to enjoy pleasures of the flesh were too small to even consider.  The Navy at the time was a decidedly homophobic organization.  The consequences for homosexual behavior were — by explicit policy — severe!

Both Will and Billy were assigned to the same unit in basic training.  Both found that most of the young men in their unit triggered various degrees of lust and provided fodder for sexual fantasies.  Each, however, found one among the class of recruits to be particularly desirable because of trim, solid, but not overly muscled bodies and well-developed genitals that made an immediately favorable first impression.

Will was captivated by Billy’s apparent innocence, his total lack of pretense, and his charming Southern drawl.  It was, perhaps, his innocence that intrigued him most because it suggested that the Southern Gentleman was a virgin, ready to be guided in the pleasures of the flesh.  Will had been introduced to those pleasures in the dormitory of boarding school and his appetite for sexual gratification had been amply satisfied while in prep school.  But he’d not had a bed partner for a long time.  Billy, he hoped, might be his next conquest.  If only the naive Southern boy were gay!

Billy’s interest was Will’s quiet self-assurance.  Although Billy was a virgin, through secretive exploration of gay porn magazines, he was familiar with the behavior of gay men ... and longed to experience the forbidden satisfaction of intimate contact with a man.  Will was just such a man — confident but not cocky, dignified but not aloof, masculine but not macho.  He would most likely be a fitting guide into the mysterious world of gay sexual delight.  But Billy recognized that his infatuation could never lead to more than wishful fantasy; Will was most probably straight.

Chapter 1

During the first week of basic training, the upper class preppy and the uprooted farm boy checked out all their fellow recruits but always discretely.  Every man does that but only a few for the reasons that haunted both Will and Billy.  Each found that he was primarily aroused in the communal shower by one naked body in particular: Will by Billy’s substantial tube of manly flesh between his legs and Billy by Will’s firm, perfectly sculpted body that was adorned with just enough black hair on the chest and legs to confirm virile masculinity.  Each had to fight valiantly to control his thoughts lest he sprout a boner that would no doubt cause taunting and persecution from all his comrades.  After climbing into their bunks at night, they both allowed their minds to wander.  They imagined the pleasures of sharing their naked bodies.  Each, however, wished the other were gay so he might do more than wish and fantasize.

 “I admired your stamina during calisthenics today,” Will said cheerfully as he and his prey stood at adjacent shower heads after a grueling day of training.

“Shucks,” Billy replied.  “Nothin’ compared to chores on the farm.  Reckon it kinda put me in shape.”

“Indeed they did,” Will said.  “You’ve got a wonderful physique,” he added as he seized the excuse to let his eyes roam up and down the naked body next to him.

Billy was slightly uncomfortable being visually examined — a consequence of his fundamentalist family’s strict warnings about showing his private parts in public — but he couldn’t help feeling proud of his well-toned body and appreciated the admiration from a fellow recruit.  To return the compliment he replied, “Yur in purdy good shape yurself.”  Abandoning inhibition, Billy’s eyes scanned Will’s body with particular interest in a cock that dangled enticingly below a thicket of black pubic hair.

Will was considerably more attuned to the possible interests of other guys, having honed his perceptiveness by seducing several boys in boarding school and college.  He was therefore encouraged when he noticed Billy’s gaze linger too long where it shouldn’t.  He suspected that was evidence of an interest that couldn’t be disclosed openly and decided to test his assumption.  He stood facing Billy and brazenly lathered up his cock and balls.  As he hoped, Billy’s eyes repeatedly stole fleeting glances at what Will was deliberately exposing to view. 

“So you lived on a farm?” Will asked mostly to continue the conversation in the hopes that he could win the confidence of his quarry.

“Yup.  Down south in Miss’ippy.  But we moved to Detroit a couple o’ years ago.”

Will continued his questioning.  “You miss the farm?”

“Nope!  Nothin’ but hard work dawn to dusk.  Course it ain’t no better in Detroit, neither.  Too crowded.  I ‘spose if I had my druthers I’d choose the farm.”

Will continued his pursuit, asking about farm life — not to learn about farming in which he had little interest but to begin forging a connection with a likely bed partner.  “I’ve never even visited a farm.  Tell me what it’s like.”

“Lotsa work.  Plowin’.  Harvestin’.  Takin’ care of the hogs.  “S’pose it’s different on a bigger farm but we was poor.  Not much to eat.  ‘Specially when the crops are bad.  But I ain’t complainin’ ‘cause my Momma and Daddy took good care of us kids.  Six of us.  Had to sleep with my two li’l brothers.  Mighty crowded it was.  But that’s okay.  Only problem was when one got sick we all of us got sick.  No money for a doctor so Momma fixed us up with herbs and whatchacall home remedies.  Considerin’ ever’thin’ though, growin’ up weren’t as bad as I make it out to be.”

Will had heard and read of poverty in rural Mississippi but he’d never met a survivor of that kind of hardship.  All of his former friends and school mates were pampered with the best food and the best clothes.  He resented their sense of entitlement, their arrogance, and their deliberate ignorance of the challenges faced by what they disparagingly called the lower classes.  He was therefore impressed with Billy’s stoic, even positive attitude.

They had finished showering (and stealing lustful glances at each other’s naked bodies) when Will said, “You’re remarkable, Billy.  I look forward to hearing more ... and getting to know you better.”

Over the next two weeks Will and Billy chatted amiably with each other when not occupied by rigorous training and through those conversations developed an easy rapport.  Billy was delighted to have a friend.  Will, however, had a devious motive and would, with careful phrasing and meticulous timing, seek information that might be evidence of sexual orientation.  He would ask, for example, “Do you have a girlfriend back home?”

“Nah.  Didn’t have no time for girls on the farm.  And the girls in Detroit were either ugly or sluts.”

“That’s too bad,” Will remarked sympathetically.  “I hope you find one you like.  To take care of your needs, if you know what I mean.”

Billy didn’t reply but a momentary look of pain crossed his face that Will interpreted to mean — possibly — that his buddy wanted a man and not a woman to satisfy him.

Will always seemed to maneuver himself in the shower to be at a shower head adjacent to Billy, who took it as little more than a continuation of a budding friendship.   Billy became less concerned about modesty since he presumed nakedness in the shower was just a necessary consequence of life in the barracks.  Will welcomed the chance to admire Billy’s ample endowment.

Increasingly, Will casually but not boldly displayed his body to his quarry and was encouraged by his friend’s roaming eyes that often focused on and remained longer than usual on his dangling manhood.  But Billy in his innocence failed to notice the lustful glances that were directed at his own impressive equipment.

Both Billy and Will, as they lay in their bunks at night, let their secret desires assume control of their minds, imagining the joy of sexual coupling with the other.  Billy regarded his fantasies as nothing more than an impossible wish.  Will, on the other hand, allowed himself to believe that with enough time and effort he could seduce Billy and relieve the torment of repressed desire and experience what he fervently wanted.

Billy, never having experienced the ecstasy of gay sex, suffered from the same frustration but not as intensely.  He was oblivious to the subtle clues in Will’s behavior and comments and couldn’t recognize the motivation behind them.  He often wondered why a well-educated guy seemed to seek and enjoy his company, especially considering the vast gulf between their backgrounds.  But he was grateful to have made a friend.  Other recruits may have wondered about the unlikely friendship but not for long because in spite of Will being the son of an “East Coast Elite,” he was personable and never expected deferential treatment nor did he look down his nose at any of his fellow recruits.

Nearing the end of basic training, Will was almost convinced that Billy was either gay or was willing to participate in manly sex.  The evidence was fragmentary but plentiful.  Billy’s wandering eyes in the shower were less and less bound by unspoken but commonly known prohibitions against ogling others’ genitals.   He was even obvious in the way he sought and found opportunities to study others’ equipment.  It was no longer necessary for Will to blatantly expose himself.  Billy, although he tried to be discrete, failed to completely hide his fascination with male genitals.  And there were his poorly disguised attempts to stifle his subconscious discomfort when Will made a suggestive comment or asked a question with a sexual undertone.  Will, a predator following the unmistakable scent of prey and with years of practice in the hunt, knew two things for certain.  First, he would have to proceed carefully in his stalking to avoid alarming his prey; timing and patience were critical.  Second, he had to be sure — when Billy was ready — that they would not be caught.  Punishment for homosexual behavior at the time (well before “don’t ask, don’t tell) was swift, unequivocal, and severe.  He could not risk that for himself or for Billy whom he had grown to genuinely respect.    

<><><><><> 

“Benson?” the Captain asked when Will appeared at the doorway of the Base Commander’s office.

“Yes, sir.  You wanted to see me sir?”

“I do.  Come in and sit down.  We need to talk.”

Following dinner in the mess hall one evening Will was ordered to report to the Base Commander’s office “on the double.”  His apprehension peaked as he made his way across the drill field toward the headquarters building.  The Captain’s ‘We need to talk’ comment only pushed it to panic level.  Questions without answers raced through his mind, all revolving around an overpowering fear that his friendship with Billy had been noticed and interpreted to be a forbidden attraction.  His fears were not diminished when the Captain opened a folder and studied its contents for several minutes.

“I see you were in the NROTC at Columbia.  Is that right?” the Captain asked without looking up.

“Yes, sir,” Will replied nervously.

“And your performance reports during training are commendable.”

Will did not respond.  A recruit, he had learned, speaks to a superior only when given an order (and there is only one acceptable response: “Yes, sir”) or asked a direct question.

The Captain closed the folder, leaned back in his chair, and said, “Benson, you have what the Navy needs.  I’m recommending you for OCS, Officer Candidate School.  Very few of the recruits have your potential.  Fewer still are selected for the honor.  Congratulations.  When you complete basic training, you’ll have a two week leave and then report to OCS in Newport, Rhode Island.”

Will was astonished.  He had feared discharge and disgrace.  Now he sat in disbelief at the turn of events.  A torrent of thoughts sped through his mind: NROTC had been a path toward a goal of being an officer in the Navy but it had been shattered by expulsion from school.  This was an opportunity to reclaim his dream.  Another thought intruded into his thinking: Billy.  For the first time, Will consciously recognized what had been a latent feeling.  His buddy was not merely a desirable body to be conquered for primal gratification of sexual needs.  He admired Billy for his positive attitude and ambition.  He respected his honesty and openness.  Admiration?  Respect?  NO!  It was AFFECTION!  OCS would mean not being with Billy!  The thought was as distressing as the selection for OCS was enticing.

The Captain interrupted Will’s chaotic thinking by asking, “Nothing to say, Benson?”

“Sorry, sir,” Will replied.  “It’s just that I’m surprised.  I never expected it.  I appreciate your confidence in me.  And the offer.  Or is it an order?”  (Will knew that, if ordered, he must comply.)

“No, son,” the Captain said with a grin.  “It’s not an order .. YET.”

“Permission to speak candidly, sir?” Will asked.

“Permission granted.”

“I know it’s a wonderful opportunity.  And an honor.  But I’m a bit overwhelmed and I’d like some time to think it over.”

The Captain frowned, unable to understand why there would be any hesitation or reason to refuse.  Quite assertively, he said, “You have twenty four hours.  Report back to me at this time tomorrow.  And if it’s no, be prepared to justify your answer.  That’ll be all.  Dismissed.”

A very confused and conflicted Will returned to the barracks where he saw Billy in a way he hadn’t seen him before.  ‘DAMN,’ he thought.  ‘I’ve got to choose between two things I want more than anything: OCS or Billy.  Two things happened at the same time.  Neither of them did I see coming.  OCS would mean a prestigious Navy career.  Billy would surely be a perfect companion.  Shit, damn, and fuck!  Which do I choose?  What do I tell the Captain?  What do I tell Billy?

To be continued... 

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:  Thank you, Iatia, for your inspiration, encouragement, and expert editing.

Posted:01/06/12