An Improbable Love II
By: Morris Henderson
(© 2008 by the author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Mrs. Ryerson knocked on the closed study door. Hearing no response, she violated an unspoken rule and opened the door. She saw her husband sitting in his recliner and staring blankly at the wall. “Tom?” she said. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” he said defiantly. “That my son is a faggot? That he has rejected what I’ve taught him?”

Ignoring the insulting epithet, she said, “We need to talk about what to do now, Tom.”

“No. We don’t. I know exactly what to do. TJ is sixteen, legally a minor. Neil is eighteen, legally an adult. Their relationship is a felony -- child molestation. I’m going to file for an injunction to prohibit Neil from seeing TJ.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

Mrs. Ryerson was stunned by her husband’s threat to seek an injunction, preventing Neil from seeing TJ. But she was more than stunned; she was angry!

“You’ll do no such thing, Tom,” she shouted. “That would only make matters worse!”

“Don’t start telling me what I can and can’t do!” the man said angrily.

“Maybe the time has come for me to express an opinion. I’ve let you dictate to me for years but in this situation, I’m going to have my say! I’m going to look out for TJ. I don’t approve of his relationship with Neil any more than you do but I’m not going to stand by and let you make his life miserable.”

TJ’s father was struck dumb by his wife’s sudden assertiveness. He had never had to deal with that before and momentarily didn’t know how to react. That gave his wife more time to make her point.

“I’m surprised that you would even consider such a foolish move. In the first place, it would devastate TJ. I dare say his love for you would turn to hate. It would drive a wedge between you and your son just when you are getting along better with each other. And have you considered the consequences of legal action? It would be a matter of public record. You might as well put a notice in the church bulletin. Here’s a headline for you: ‘My son is gay!’ The notice could go on to say your response is to cruelly punish your only son, a son that you should love. And finally, my dear, you would be jeopardizing our relationship. I don’t think I could continue to love a man who would heartlessly deny his son what obviously means so much to him.”

Mr. Ryerson sat quietly for a few minutes, putting his legal mind to work on his wife’s arguments for the defense. Then he said, “Your first point is valid. In spite of my strenuous disapproval of his homosexuality and his sinful relationship, I don’t hate him and I don’t want him to hate me. Your second point is spurious. The public record is not that public and the injunction can be easily justified on the grounds of protecting a minor child. Your third point amounts to blackmail! Threatening to withhold your love unless I yield to your demands is unfair.”

Mrs. Ryerson gave her husband a steely gaze and said with conviction, “It’s not a threat, Tom. It’s a promise. I said I couldn’t love a man who would treat his son the way you said you would. Let me make it even more clear. I could not live with such a man! A mother’s love trumps a wife’s love.”

“So you can love a queer son?” Mr. Ryerson said sarcastically.

“Yes! I’ll repeat: I don’t approve of his relationship with Neil. But he is and always will be my son. He’s your son, too. He needs you, Tom. He needs your love. You disapprove of his relationship with Neil -- and I do, too -- but for God’s sake, don’t abandon him. Don’t cast him out of your life as though he were trash.”

It was rare for the professional lawyer to capitulate and he maintained that attitude in his personal life but he felt his will weakening. He began to think of ways to concede without losing face but there were no clear solutions. Therefore, he adopted a delaying tactic and said, “I need time to think.”

Sensing an impending victory but still not sure of it, Mrs. Ryerson said, “Okay. But think of TJ’s love for you ... and your love for TJ. Let’s give his happiness ... and our happiness as a family ... top priority.”

When his wife left the room, Mr. Ryerson sat for a long time contemplating the situation. He wanted to break up the forbidden relationship between Neil and his son. His ego and self esteem seemed to demand that he do something to ‘cure’ his son of his abnormal attitude toward masculinity and love. But his wife’s emphatic arguments couldn’t be discounted. To surrender to her arguments would be a defeat and he was not accustomed to being defeated. Still, he thought, until TJ’s revelation that he was homosexual, he loved his son and was proud of him. Now, however, he was conflicted. Could he accept the illicit relationship without approving of it? Could he continue to be proud of and love his son who had violated one of his most cherished values?

Lost as he was in his quandary, the ring of the phone startled him. He checked the display on the phone and saw that it was his private line. As he picked up the receiver, he was annoyed at the interruption and puzzled that his hand was trembling.

“Hello. <pause> I’m sorry. I can’t make it today. Something came up here at the house and I lost track of the time. Can you play without me? <pause> No, nothing serious, just a matter that needs my attention. I’ll join you next Sunday for sure. Can you reserve a tee time and let me know? <pause> Thanks. And give my apologies to the others. <pause> Okay. Bye.”

Meanwhile, TJ and Neil had been reviewing the events of the morning. They agreed on three things. First, TJ’s mother was less upset and more supportive than they had anticipated. That was gratifying. Second, his father’s reaction was just as virulent as they had feared. There was no way of predicting what he would do now. And finally, they would cling to their love for each other; they would stand by each other; they would, one day, live together as partners.

TJ’s emotional turmoil boiled over and tears streamed down his cheeks. Neil held him closely, wishing his could do more to relieve his lover’s grief.

When he finally gained control and his tears stopped, TJ said, “I expected his anger but I guess I wasn’t fully prepared for it. It hurts, Neil, it hurts.”

“I know, my love, I know.”

TJ, absorbed in self-pity, said, “How can you know? Your father accepted it when we told him.”

“Yes,” Neil replied softly, “But my brother didn’t.”

TJ felt suddenly selfish and guilty. “I’m sorry. You lost your brother. We’ve both paid a price.”

“It’s a price we both suspected. But it’s a price I’m willing to pay to have your love. I hope you are, too.”

“I am! I am!”

After some time, TJ had regained his composure. Neil had previously said that he had to return to campus that afternoon to prepare for Monday’s classes. However, he was reluctant to leave TJ alone to cope with a volatile and possibly explosive situation. TJ assured him -- with less than complete confidence -- that he would be all right. Reluctantly, Neil prepared to leave, giving his lover a long, passionate kiss.

As the teens walked past the open door of TJ’s father’s study, they saw him in his recliner staring into space. Neil paused for a moment and said, “Sir?”

Mr. Ryerson looked up and scowled.

“I’m leaving but I wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry we’ve disappointed you. I do love your son, sir. I’m also sure that he loves you. I know that you disapprove; all I ask is that you understand and continue to love him. He’s a gifted, mature, compassionate person and you can be proud of him.”

The teens waited for a reply, unsure of whether it would be further condemnation or, hopefully, a grudging acknowledgement of Neil’s sincere comments. But no reply was forthcoming. The man simply turned his head away and stared at the wall.

Downstairs, the teens met TJ’s mother. Neil apologized for upsetting her, reaffirmed his love for her son, and thanked her for receiving the news so graciously.

“It was a surprise,” the woman said. “And I’m not pleased. But things will work out. Be patient with my husband. It will take some time for him to absorb the information.”

When Neil had gone, TJ’s mother said to him, “I know you are sincere when you say you’re gay and in love with Neil. But are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes, Mom, as sure as I’ve ever been about anything. It’s not a passing fancy that I’ll grow out of. At first, I thought I might but I can’t help it. I’ve been attracted to other boys before. Girls don’t interest me. Sure, I’ve been on a few dates but down deep I knew it was just for appearances and, to be honest, to conceal what I know I am. When I met Neil, I admired him and he must have liked me. It wasn’t long before I had this feeling for him. It consumed my thoughts. Being with him is pure joy. When we’re apart, I wish we were together. I love you and Dad and Isabel but this is different. It’s stronger. It doesn’t diminish my love for you but ... well ... I just can’t deny that I’m gay and love Neil very deeply.”

“Well, son, all I can say is that you’re going to have a lot of problems. Not the least of those will be your father.”

“I know that, Mom. Telling you and Dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I had to do it. I owe you the truth.”

“Don’t think I don’t recognize the courage that it took. But thanks for being honest. Now, will you do me a very big favor?”

“Anything!”

“Be patient with your father. He’s likely to say some things and do some things that will hurt. You’re asking him to understand something that he isn’t ready to understand. It may be weeks or months -- I hope not years -- but eventually, he can adjust. It may be difficult for you but try to be tolerant. Down deep, I’m sure he’s proud of you and loves you but that may not be obvious for a while.”

“I’ll try,” TJ promised although he was unsure of how much verbal abuse he could take before lashing out at his bigoted father.

“One more favor,” his mother said. “If it gets too much for you to bear, please talk to me. I don’t approve of a gay relationship but if it has to be then I can’t think of a better young man to be in love with. I still love you and I hope that you will come to me whenever you feel a need to talk through a problem.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you, too. And I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

TJ then returned to his room, passing by his father’s study where he still sat, staring at the wall. He thought briefly about apologizing again to his father and telling him that he loved him. But the fear of his fierce criticism forced him to retreat to the safety of his room.

That evening at dinner, the atmosphere was heavy with tension. Neither TJ nor his parents were willing to speak of the morning’s revelation although it was on everyone’s mind. Instead, what little conversation there was seemed forced and focused on trivial matters. At no time did TJ’s father directly address his son.

Later in the evening, TJ phoned Neil, who was relieved that there had been no eruption of anger, condemnation, or threats of punishment. He was also pleased when TJ told him of the conversation with his mother. Perhaps, the teens agreed, cool or even icy coexistence with his father was the best that could be hoped for.

The following evening, TJ returned from volunteering at the Food Bank and found Isabel in the kitchen preparing supper. He greeted her, warmly as usual, and she said, “Your mother told me what happened yesterday. I gather that things didn’t go too well.”

“No,” TJ replied, “But just about the way I expected. Mom was disappointed but supportive. Dad, however, flew into a rage and isn’t speaking to me.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

TJ countered with, “There’s a bright side, Isabel. I don’t have to worry about keeping a secret. I know my parents are disappointed and I hate that. But I feel like a burden has been lifted off me. Does that make any sense?”

“I think I understand. In fact, I feel the same way. I didn’t like knowing about you and Neil and not telling your parents. It felt like I was betraying their trust in me. But, as I told you before, your happiness is what counts.”

“Both Neil and I appreciate what you’ve done, Isabel. I guess I should say what you haven’t done -- telling my parents, I mean.”

“The past is past,” Isabel said. “But there’s one question I have. Why did you decide to tell them? You knew how it would upset them.”

TJ then related how the coach had caught them kissing at Ramon’s apartment, became angry, and threw him off the swimming team. That, he explained, had triggered his discomfort over living a lie. With Neil’s agreement and support, he decided to tell his parents the truth.

Isabel, having listened intently and sympathetically, paused before saying, “That was a courageous and honorable decision ... but perhaps foolish.”

“Foolish?” TJ asked.

“Yes. I’m sure you considered your parents’ feelings but I’m not sure you thought about the effect it will have on your relationship with them ... and, for that matter, with Neil. What about college? Suppose they forbid you to see Neil. It seems to me, TJ, that your world ... and your future ... has changed in ways that you can’t predict.”

“You’re right, of course. You always are. That’s why I love you so much and value your opinion and advice. I thought about asking you for advice before telling them but we had an agreement, remember? I promised not to say anything to you or do anything in your presence that would be a sign of what I am or how I feel about Neil. So, I had to make the decision on my own. Well, not on my own; Neil and I discussed it for a long time. In the end, we agreed to tell them.”

“And did you consider all the possible consequences?”

“I hope so. We knew that my parents, especially Dad, would be upset. But they would have to find out sometime, anyway. We knew that the worst case would be that Dad would throw me out of the house when I turn eighteen. Eventually, before I turn eighteen, we thought, he would learn to accept it. I know he will never approve but the chances are good that he’ll accept it. In the meantime, I’ll do whatever I can to win back his love.”

“I pray that you’re right, TJ. Just one more thing I want to say before I get back to work. Now that I know about you and Neil, please talk to me whenever you need a sympathetic ear. Don’t bottle up any sadness or negative feelings and let them fester.”

“Thanks, Isabel. You’ve just earned another term as ‘goddess in residence.’ I love you.” TJ impulsively but sincerely gave Isabel a kiss on the cheek and a hug and then went up to his room, leaving the woman embarrassed over the kiss but filled with pride and love for the young man.

At supper that evening, the tension was only slightly less than the previous evening. TJ tried to engage his father in conversation -- about anything other than Neil or being gay -- but all he got in return was a curt reply or a simple grunt. His mother did her part to lighten the mood but her effort was fruitless.

Isabel came into the dining room to clear the empty plates and Mr. Ryerson said to her, “Isabel, I have something to say to TJ and I’d like you to hear it.”

Isabel obediently set the dinner plates on the end of the table and stood, unsure of what was in store. Mrs. Ryerson seemed equally surprised and confused. TJ braced himself for bad news. A tirade? Restriction of privileges? A moralistic sermon?

“I’ve given a lot of thought to the matter of your alleged homosexuality and the suspicion of an illicit relationship with another young man.” (He had the unfortunate habit of speaking like a lawyer, even at home.) “I want you to know that I thoroughly and without qualification disapprove. I have considered all possible remedies, both punitive and preventative. After due deliberation, I’ve come to a conclusion.”

He paused for dramatic (melodramatic?) effect while the silence and anticipation in the room was palpable.

Continuing with a tone of a judge announcing a verdict, the officious man continued, “In consideration of the fact that you are my son and I therefore have an obligation for your health and safety... (My God, TJ thought. Get to the point!) ...I’m not going to punish you. Rather, I’m resigned to the distasteful need to tolerate your aberrant attitude and potentially immoral behavior.” (TJ breathed a sigh of relief.) “However,” the man promptly added, “There is one caveat.” (TJ’s anxiety increased.) “Neil will still be welcome as a guest in this house but if his visit includes an overnight stay, he is to sleep in the guest room. Under no condition will he be allowed to visit you in your room at night nor should you even think about visiting him in the guest room. Moreover, when you and he are in any room of this house, the door to that room is to be open. In short, young man, I can’t control your thoughts and feelings but I can and will control your behavior. Are we clear on that point?”

“Yes, sir,” TJ replied.

But TJ’s mother had more to say. “What you mean is that you don’t like it but can live with it. And no sex under your roof. Was that the essence of your pontificating?”

All she got in reply was a menacing glare from her husband who had never before heard such sarcastic assertiveness from his wife. However, both TJ and Isabel stifled a laugh.

Isabel resumed her duties of clearing the table as TJ said, “If I may be excused, I’d like to swim a few laps before dark. I want to be in shape for swim team practice.”

His father nodded his permission.

Before leaving, TJ said, “Dad. I love you.”

His father, who had only recently learned to tell TJ that he loved him, was not ready to resume the practice and merely gave his son a disappointing grunt.

TJ’s parents went into the family room while Isabel occupied herself in the kitchen.

“Your last comment at the dinner table was uncalled for and demeaning,” the still-irritated man growled.

“But accurate?” his wife asked.

“I won’t have you taunting me,” he snapped.

“Come on, Tom. You were talking to a teenager, not some hardened criminal in court. I’m accustomed to it but TJ feels bad enough already. He didn’t need such a harsh, judgmental pronouncement.”

Her husband was about to vigorously defend his actions when she sat next to him on the sofa, snuggled up to him, and said, “Thank you, dear, for not punishing him. I know it was not easy for you but I’m glad you’re willing to live with the situation. If he lost Neil and lost your love, he would have been crushed.”

“I don’t like it,” he replied. “Having to tolerate his immoral behavior.”

“I don’t like it either, dear. But he’s our son and we have to love him unconditionally. What would it hurt if you told him that?”

“Funny, isn’t it?” the suddenly contrite man mused. “We can despise what he does but still love him. I suppose I’ll just have to get over the shock and disappointment -- even anger -- before I can tell him that.”

“Are you still angry with me?” she said as she snuggled up more closely to her husband.

The man grinned and said, “Yes. But underneath that I love you.”

To be continued...

Posted: 01/02/09