KAPITEL SIEBEN

(CHAPTER 7)

 

Saturday, 29 August 1942

 

It had been five weeks since Wolfy and I had that first incredible night together.  We did manage to have one more of them; though that time he insisted on being the submissive partner.  I was more than happy to oblige him, but still worried he wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally.  It had been two weeks since that night and he seems to be doing just fine; even saying he'd like to do it again.  It was an experience I would remember the rest of my life; well both of them were.  I hadn't been quite as romantic that evening as he had; but we got it sorted out and we were both happy men when we finished.

 

Our investigation of Herr Kessler had yielded few results.  I had sent a coded message to Berlin asking for any information they had on him but was met with no response.  I was going to have Hage send another message a week later, after not hearing anything, but decided I really didn't care that much.  If they wanted to keep secrets, let them; I had no real suspicion he was tied into the sabotage anyway.

 

There had only been one sabotage event in the last month; and with no injuries, thank God.  Someone had blown up the storage room at the rear of the school.  I was pissed that someone thought they could hit that close to a school, regardless of whether or not school was in session.  We searched through the rubble with a fine toothed comb but came up as empty as we had with all the other explosions.  There was simply too much destruction to find anything of value that might give us a lead.  I tried to assure fraü Bauer that the school would be safe when class resumed on 7 September.  I reminded her that all of the explosions so far had been in empty areas or late at night when nobody was around.  She looked skeptical, and I didn't blame her.  I was becoming more and more frustrated by our lack of progress; and I was worried about the children.  Erich and Sasha would be back in school in a weeks' time; they and their friends and school-mates had somehow become a target.  By 11:30 that sunny, peaceful September morning, I was to find out just how much of one; and it would change my life in ways I never understood.

 

Erich had come over after church that morning, leaving Sasha with his parents and grandparents.  He had arrived at 0940 and had insisted on washing everyone's sheets for the new week.  Over the summer he had become our houseboy of sorts, and this was really nothing new.  He had even rigged a clothesline running from the barn to the first shed to allow our clothes to dry on.  I always tried to assign one of the other men to help him with his self-imposed chores but he would never hear of it.  He always told me that it made him feel good to do whatever he could for us.  We were away from our families and friends, and we deserved to be taken care of.  We all worked very hard at never taking advantage of his good will and hard work; he assigned himself more things than any of us could've come up with anyway.

 

He was sitting on his knees on the back porch, washing someone's sheets out in the wash tub.  Hage was sitting about a meter away from him; cleaning his MP-40.  Jan and Wolfy were upstairs, playing cards in Jan's bedroom.  Peter was standing on the far end of the porch, watching Erich and Hage, and having a smoke.  I was standing in the kitchen, making myself a small sandwich from this morning's left-over's; I was feeling a little hungry and didn't want to wait for lunch.  I was looking through the window and watching Erich and Hage do their thing.  Erich was getting ready to wring the water out of the sheet he was washing.  Peter looked over at him, smiling.

 

"Would you like some help with that, Erich?"

 

Erich turned at smiled at him.  "I can get it wrung out fine; but would you please help me snap the water out?  It's kind of big for me and I don't want it touching the ground."

 

"Of course; just tell me when you're ready.  I'll help you hang it on the line, too.  I don't know why you wanted the line so high; you can't even reach it."  He smiled at Erich.

 

"I didn't want the clothes touching the ground; or anyone walking into it and cutting their own head off.  It's exactly 2 meters off the ground; more than enough for any one of you to walk under it."

 

"Good thinking.  I like the way you plan everything out, Erich; it shows good thought process and common sense."

 

Erich smiled at him.  He turned his attention back to his sheet, getting it wrung out as best he could.  As he stood, Peter walked over to him and stood ready to take one side of the sheet after Erich got it opened up a little.  They got the sheet spread out, basically folded in half, sideways and start snapping it up and down, the water flying everywhere.  Hage jumped and laughed.

 

"Hey!!  I just took a bath on Friday; I don't need another one!"

 

Peter smirked and looked at him, grinning.  "That's not what Gregor told me."

 

Erich laughed, watching Hage give Peter a frown while his cheeks got red.

 

"That's not nice, Peter; Gregor would never say something like that.  I thought you only picked on Wolfy?"

 

"He's busy playing cards; you were handy.  I'm sorry Hage; I was just joking.  You always smell pretty."  Hage smirked.

 

Erich and Peter shook the sheet out a couple more times and then walked it over to the clothesline; keeping it spread out.  Hage returned to cleaning his MP-40 and I was standing at the kitchen window, eating my sandwich and watching them carry the sheet.  Erich was so concentrated, trying not to let it touch the ground.  They reached the clothesline and Peter helped him sling it over, standing on the other side while Erich was busy smoothing it out.  I stood there transfixed, unable to believe my eyes when I saw Erich suddenly knocked about a meter sideways, blood and tissue exploding out of his neck as he landed on the ground.  I hadn't even heard the gunshot until he was already falling.  I dropped my sandwich and screamed out.

 

"ERICH!!!"

 

I turned and ran, full-speed, out of the back door, slipping on the water a little, and diving off the porch, trying to get to him.  Peter had dropped to the ground and was crawling over to Erich's side.  It took me less than 2 seconds to reach them.  I dropped to my belly as I was skidding to a stop beside Erich.

 

"Oh, my God….. Oh  God… Erich?  Erich?   Please…."  Oh  baby….. Please, Erich!?"

 

I pulled him into my arms, cradling him, hoping and praying he'd be OK.  I started sobbing and calling out his name more.  Peter was trying to get my attention.

 

"Willy!!"

 

"Oh, God… OH, baby, please, Erich; be OK.  Oh, Erich….  Please don't die….  I'll do anything; just please…."

 

"Willy!  You have to get out of there; we have to take cover!!"

 

"I'm not leaving him!!  Oh, God… Erich!  Please!!  Oh, God… Please be all right, please…"

 

I heard Hage screaming in the background; emptying his clip into the field in the direction of the gunshot; then changing to a new clip and emptying it is well.  Jan and Wolfy were slamming through the back door, wondering what the hell was going on; both of them carrying their MP-40's.  They saw Hage firing into the field and opened fire with him.  By my later estimate they sent more than 190 rounds of ammunition into the field, spraying in a wide pattern.  Peter grabbed my arm.

 

"WILLY!!  We have to get out of here!!"

 

"Fuck you!  You go; I'm not going anywhere!  I'm not leaving Erich!!"

 

I was still cradling Erich against my body, the tears and sobs just pouring out of me.  I couldn't believe he'd been shot; that I was holding my dead hero in my arms.

 

"Oh, Erich….  Oh, God…. Erich…  Please….  Please, just this one last time; for me…  Please, oh God…. Please.  I need you here with me, Erich; please don't leave me…."

 

"Then pick him up and carry him with you; we have to get to the fucking house!!"

 

"It doesn't matter…  It doesn't matter anymore, Peter!  I've killed him, and I don't give a fuck if I die, too!  Just leave me alone!"

 

"Goddamn you!!  Don't you dare do that; don't you fucking blame yourself!!  Wolfy!!!  Hage!!!  Get the fuck over here!!"

 

"Just leave us be, Peter; leave us be…."

 

Hage and Wolfy came running over to where we are, sliding down onto their knees when they reached us.  They both looked down at me cradling Erich and choked out a sob.  Wolfy grabbed my arm.

 

"Willy!  Are you shot?  Are you OK?"

 

"NO!  I'm not fucking OK!  I'm not shot, but I'm not fucking OK!  Erich!  Erich's dead…."

 

"Wolfy; take Erich from him; take him into the house.  We have to get them into the house!  He won't leave without Erich!  Just do it!!"

 

"Willy, let me have him."

 

"NO!"

 

"Willy, we have to get you both inside; let me take him and carry him inside!"

 

"It doesn't matter, Wolfy; it doesn't matter anymore!"

 

"Willy, it does matter; it does.  Don't you fuckin' give up on me, you stubborn son of a bitch!  Stand the fuck up, now!!"

 

"Get the fuck away from us!!  Just go!  Save yourselves.  I don't care anymore!  Don't you get it!?  I don't fucking care."  I let out another sob, my body convulsing once.  "He's dead…  He's fucking dead; and it's my fault.  Let us die."'

 

"Don't!!  Don't you ever tell me to let you die!!  You can't do anything more for him, Willy!  You have to let him go…."

 

At that point the only gunfire we heard was coming from Jan, who was firing short, 5-round bursts into the field.  Hage dropped to his stomach next to me, grabbing my face in his hands.

 

"Willy!  You have to let him go; you can't do anything for him."

 

"He saved my life, Alex; do you really think I can let him be alone?"

 

Hage slowly shook his head.  "No….  I'm so, so sorry Willy.  I'm so sorry."  Hage started crying, pulling his face to mine; resting our foreheads together.

 

Wolfy just turned and sat on his ass, looking dejected; the tears streaming down his face.  He looked over at the three of us and closed his eyes.  Peter looked at the four of us one last time and stood up and walked back towards the house.  He walked up to Jan and touched his shoulder.

 

"Stop shooting, Jan.  They're either dead or they've run away; just stop shooting, please."

 

He let go of Jan's shoulder and walked into the house.  He grabbed the whiskey bottle off the shelf and just pulls the cork out and took a long draw on the bottle.  He pulled the bottle away from his mouth, took a shuddering breath, and then took another drink; he set the bottle on the counter when he was done.

 

Jan brought his machine gun down to his side and looked over at the four of us on the ground.  He turned and looked in through the back door, then walked over and opened it, going into the kitchen.  He found Peter having a drink and walked up to him.

 

"What happened….?  What the hell is going on?"

 

"Erich's dead.  Somebody shot him from the field."

 

"Oh, my God…. Erich's really dead?"

 

"Yeah.  Erich's dead.  Willy won't leave him.  Wolfy won't leave Willy.  Hage won't leave either of them."  He sniffled once and grabbed the bottle again, brought it up to his lips.  "Prost Erich!  Your life was way too short."  He tipped the bottle up and downed a huge gulp.

 

Jan reached for the bottle, his eyes wet.  Peter handed it to him and Jan drank a toast to Erich as well.

 

"Auf ihr wohl, ein junger Freund! (Here's to you, my young friend!)"  He tipped the bottle up and took a big drink of the whiskey and then slammed the bottle down on the counter.  "Should I go get the others?" 

 

Peter shook his head no, and then looked at Jan; tears running down his face.  "Just leave them be, Jan.  There's nothing we can do for them."

 

"What if someone starts shooting at them; we can't just leave them out there!"

 

Peter sniffled again.  "They won't come anyway.  Nobody's left to shoot them; they've run or they're dead.  Just leave them alone for awhile."

 

Jan shook his head and turned and walked to the other side of the kitchen, leaned up against the wall and just slid down it to the floor; his knees against his chest.  He lowered his head and just let himself cry.  After about a minute or so, Peter was sitting next to him on the floor, the whiskey bottle in his hand.  He nudged Jan and offersed him the bottle.  Jan took it and pulled on it, taking about 3 swallows, and then handed it back.  The two of them just sat there, drinking to Erich and sniffling and wiping their eyes occasionally.

 

The four of us were still out in the yard next to Erich's clothesline; the sheet still hanging neatly and blowing a little in the breeze.  I'd been holding Erich for what seemed like hours at one moment and seconds the next.  I was trying to resolve that it had really happened; that he was really dead.  It seemed like only seconds ago I was talking to him in the kitchen when he was on his way out with the first set of sheets.  I'd told him how great he was for doing it; and how much we all appreciated him.  He'd said he loved us; loved me, and that he would do anything for us.  I told him I loved him, too, and he walked outside.  That was my sole consolation.  The last thing I ever got to say to him was, 'I love you'.  I'd never got to tell him again; but he died knowing it.

 

In actuality we'd been out in the yard for 35 minutes.  I'd never once released Erich from my arms; keeping my body pressed against his; protecting him.  We were all in the same positions we'd been in when Peter got up and left.  Hage and I had cried for about 10 minutes.  Wolfy just sat there, his head hung low, slowly shaking it; tears streaming down his face.  He lifted his head up and looked over at Hage and me, then turned his head back and forth, scanning the yard around us.  He looked back over at us and reached out and touched my leg.

 

"Willy…?"

 

"What…?"

 

"Are you going to be OK?"

 

"No…  Never again."

 

Wolfy sighs heavily.  "I'm so sorry, Willy.  I would do anything to bring him back.  I'm so sorry, liebe."

 

"I know…  I wish with everything in me that you could; but you can't.  He's gone…."

 

"I love you."

 

"I know, bärchen; I love you."

 

Wolfy stood up and walked over to Hage's side; bending down and tapping him on the shoulder.  Hage looked up at him, his eyes and face wet.  Wolfy reached his hand down to him and he took it and let Wolfy pull him up.  They put their arms around each other and walked back to the house; leaving me with Erich, to mourn.  They got in the house and saw Jan and Peter sitting up against the wall, sharing a bottle of whiskey.  Hage grabbed another bottle off the shelf and they join them; Hage on Peter's side, Wolfy on Jan's side.  Hage took a long pull on the bottle, then handed it across to Wolfy, who did the same.  They would spend the next 30 minutes passing the bottle back and forth; finishing the one Peter had and starting on Hage's, before I managed to make it back in the house.

 

I'd been lying there with Erich for an hour, now; just holding him and telling him how sorry I was, and how much I loved him.  My shoulder and my whole side were starting to get sore and it was the only thing that convinced me to finally let him go and get up.  I stood there a few moments, looking down at him.  He was so young, and so sweet, and so handsome.  I'd never met anyone with a bigger heart, and mine was shattered, thinking I was responsible for him lying here.  I bent down and gathered him up in my arms, pulling him against my chest and standing back up.  He was 160 cm and 55 kilos but he felt like a baby in my arms then.  I cradled him and started walking back to the house.  When I get up on the porch it occurred to me that I wasn't going to be able to open the screen.  I called out.

 

"Hey.  Somebody…  Open the door."

 

Hage got up from the floor and walked over to let me in.  When he saw that I was carrying Erich, he choked back a sob and then opened the door, while coming out so I could pass him with my bundle.  I turned sideways as I went through the door and just kept walking to the front room.  I laid him gently down on the couch and stood back up, looking down at him.  If you couldn't see the blood on his neck and side of his face, you'd think he was sleeping; he looked so peaceful.  I was standing there looking down at him and I felt someone come up behind me.  An arm holding a bottle of whiskey came up from my left side.  I turned my head and found Hage standing there, his face wet again, holding the bottle to me.  I took the bottle from him and turned back to Erich.

 

"I love you.  I will miss you every day of my life…  You will always be my hero." 

 

I took a long pull on the bottle and handed it back to Hage.  I turned back to Erich and bent over to straighten his clothes up.  He was always tugging on his clothes, making sure they were taut.  I made sure he would approve and then I kissed my fingers and touched his face one last time.  I stood up and turned to Hage.

 

"I have to go tell his parents.  Please clean his face and neck for me.  I don't want them seeing him like that."

 

Hage just nodded his head, looking like he was on the verge of crying again.  I gave his shoulder a squeeze and turned and walked back towards the kitchen and the back door.  Wolfy jumped up when he saw me going outside again, and walked after me.

 

"Willy, where are you going?"

 

"To Erich's house; I have to tell his parents about him.  And I have to tell them how sorry I am and beg for their forgiveness."

 

"Oh, Willy….  You don't have to beg forgiveness; it wasn't your fault."

 

I sniffled once, then squared my shoulders, looking at him.  "It's my fault as though I had pulled the trigger; he was here because of me."

 

Wolfy shook his head.  "No…"  He paused.  "Do you want me to come with you?"

 

"No.  Thank you; but I have to do this on my own.  I own him that much; I owe them that much."

 

He nodded his head once.  "I love you, Willy Becker."

 

"I love you, Deiter Wolf.  I'll be back.  Please help Hage get Erich presentable.  I don't want his parents seeing him like that.  Please.  Thank you, bärchen."

 

"Of course, Willy.  We'll take care of him.  Be safe."

 

"I will."

 

I turn around and walked to the car, got in and started it up.  I sat there a moment before putting it in gear.  How could this have all gone so wrong, so fast?  He was just an innocent, young boy; why would you take him, God?

 

It took me about 10 minutes to get to Erich's farm.  I'd done it a hundred times while I was a cop; but never for anyone I knew personally and that I loved.  I didn't know if I could get the words out; or if I could see the hurt and anguish on their faces.  The hate directed towards me for getting their only son killed.

 

I'd sat in the car for 5 minutes before screwing up the courage to go tell them.  It had gone almost as expected; though they both said they didn't blame me, and that I wasn't due forgiveness; for I had done nothing wrong.  I didn't buy that part of it, but I didn't argue with them.  They got in their wagon and I followed them back to the farm to give them Erich.  Wolfy and Hage had done a nice job making Erich look like he was nothing more than asleep.  His mother held him and whaled and sobbed for about 10 minutes; the rest of us stood back; trying to hold it together.  When they were ready to take him, we wrapped him in a blanket; leaving his head free, and Wolfy carried him out to their wagon, and set him down in the back.  He bent down and kissed his forehead and then climbed back out.

 

I told Erich's parents that we would honorably attend any service they wanted to have; or if they didn't have the money for one, that we would pay for it.  His father told me he would let me know when it was; and that it wouldn't be necessary to pay for it.  As he got up in the wagon, next to his wife; to carry his dead son home, the 5 of us stood at attention at the side of the wagon.  We stayed that way until the wagon was out of sight; all of us with our own memories of the boy we'd never see again.

 

The rest of the day held nothing but numbness for all of us.  We would talk sporadically, mostly memories of Erich, and then become quiet again.  Gregor showed up to see Hage at 1330 and was as devastated as the rest of us at the news.  He did, however, convince us that we needed to get something to eat, and fixed a lunch of sandwiches and pickles for us.  After lunch we pulled out another bottle of whiskey and spent the afternoon and evening getting drunk.  We did manage to snack on whatever we could find around 1900, but mostly spent the evening drinking, trying to numb the pain we all felt.  By 2230 all of us were either sleeping or just plain passed out wherever we fell.

 

When I woke up the next morning I tried to figure out where I was.  I lifted my head up and looked around.  I was in the front room, on the floor, with Jan on one side and Wolfy on the other side of me.  I sat up and looked around.  I counted 3 empty whiskey bottles and our entire stock of 20 empty beer bottles.  No wonder my head felt like it wanted to explode, and my mouth felt like I sucked on a pair of thermal underwear.  I looked around the room again, taking note of the bodies lying around.  Gregor and Hage were asleep in each other's arms on the sofa and Peter was on the floor below them, lying on his stomach, drooling onto the floor.  I turned my shoulders side to side, trying to get the soreness out of them.  Sleeping on a hard floor had never been my idea of a good place to sleep, and my body was letting me know it hadn't thought so either.  I needed to piss.

 

I leaned forward across my knees and pulled myself up to a standing position; grabbing my head when I was erect.  I guess I should've done that a little slower.  I managed to step over Wolfy without kicking him and stumbled to the bathroom on the first floor.  After relieving myself and washing my mouth out, and my face and hands; and drying off, I looked at my watch.  0915.  Nothing like sleeping drunk to make the hours pass.  I went back to the front room and looked at them one more time, and then went to the kitchen to make myself some coffee.  As soon as I had the wood in the stove lit and the pot on it I heard someone knocking on the front door.  I went and answered it, only to see Erich's father standing there.

 

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Herr Captain; but you said you wanted to know about Erich's service."

 

"Of course.  You're not disturbing me.  Please forgive my appearance; I have just woken.  Please.  Come in."  I stood aside, holding the door open.

 

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary.  The service is at 1:00 P.M. at our farm.  Erich is to be buried in the family plot, next to his great-grandfather."

 

"We will be there, Herr Albrect; with honor."

 

"Thank you.  I will see you at one.  Good day, Herr Captain."

 

"Good day, Herr Albrect."

 

He turned and walked off the front porch and I closed the door and walked back to the kitchen.  I was looking down at the coffee pot on the stove when Peter walked in, moaning a little.

 

"Promise me you won't ever let me sleep on the floor again."

 

"Consider it done.  You're lucky you don't have bugs in your mouth; you were drooling on the wood."

 

"Maybe they would eat away the taste in my mouth.  Please tell me you're making coffee over there."

 

I turned to him.  "I am.  I will get you a cup when it is ready; I just put it on."

 

"If I thought my mouth tasted better, I'd kiss you.  Thank you.  I'll be in the bathroom."

 

He turned and walked out, in route for the downstairs bathroom.  When he returned he notices my face was wet again.  He came over to me and pulled me in his arms; holding me tight.  I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed once, then just sniffled and fought to pull myself together.  He patted my back a couple of times.

 

"It really will get better, my friend; I promise."

 

"I don't know, Peter; I've never hurt like this in my life.  I don't know if I'll survive it."

 

"You will.  You have to; and if not for yourself, think how that boy would feel if you just gave up.  He loved you as much as he knew how and he would never allow you to feel like this; especially because of him."

 

"OK.  I'll do it for him.  I have to.  I have to be strong for him."  I sniffled one more time and shook myself, pulling away from Peter.  I squared my shoulders and shook myself one time; looking at Peter.

 

"I know it hurts, Willy; we all hurt deeply right now.  We will get through this, though.  We have each other to lean on; just like we always do."

 

I nodded my head.  "I know.  I'll be OK; it's just going to take me awhile.  Every time I think of him or see something that reminds me of him, I just lose control again.  I'm sorry."

 

"Don't apologize.  We're all for you, Willy.  We'll help you anyway we know how.  Did I hear someone talking a few minutes ago?"

 

"Yes.  It was Erich's father.  He came to tell us the service would be at 1300; at their farm."

 

"Then I will share one cup of coffee with you and we will wake up our men and get cleaned up.  We will not go to that farm looking like a bunch of hung-over sailors."

 

I nodded my head.  "Thank you, Peter."

 

"You don't have to thank friends, Willy; that's what we're here for.  Now, how much longer until that coffee's done?"

 

"If you don't require Diesel fuel we can drink it now."

 

"I can live without my Diesel this morning.  Thank you."

 

I looked at him.  "I thought we were friends?"

 

He grinned at me.  "You're right.  Pour the damn coffee."

 

We each got a cup of coffee and went and sat at the table to drink it.  We'd both looked at our sleeping men 3 or 4 times by the time we finish our first cup.  I asked him if he wanted another.

 

"Hold on for a just a minute.  We'll take care of two issues at one time."

 

He stood up and walked around the front room, shaking shoulders and waking everyone up.  Once he saw that their eyes were open, and they were coming around, he stood at the edge of the room, next to the dining room.

 

"Are you all awake; and can you comprehend what I'm saying?"

 

He got either nods or 'Yes, Sirs' from everyone, and he continued.

 

"Erich's father was here and told Willy that the service is to be at 1300 at the family farm.  We will be there with dignity and honor for our fallen friend.  You will get up and take baths and put on your cleanest uniforms.  I'll be goddamned if we'll show up there looking like a bunch of drunken sailors.  Those of you with carnal knowledge of each other; and that includes you, Willy, will be sharing a bath.  We don't have the time or the hot water to take 6 separate baths today.  I expect you all to report back down here for inspection no later than 1200 Hrs.  Is that clear?"

 

A chorus of 'Yes, Sir's' was followed by everyone pulling themselves up into a sitting position.  Peter walked back over and sat down across from me, picking up his cup and taking a sip.  He held the cup out to me.

 

"I'll take another."

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

I jumped up and grabbed his cup and got him a refill.  I sat both of our cups down on the table and re-joined him.  He looked at me and smirks.

 

"We don't have the time or luxury to be nice and coddle them right now."

 

I smiled at him.  "I didn't say a word.  You're the second in command; you have every right to issue orders and expect them to be carried out without hesitation."

 

He smiled at me.  "Good.  Finish that and then grab your other half and get cleaned up.  We will not be late for this, and we will not arrive there looking like bums."

 

"Yes, Sir."  I didn't smile or smirk; I just took a sip of my coffee and turned to look out the front window.

 

At 1158 everyone in the house was standing in the front room, at attention, awaiting Peter's inspection.  I chuckled to myself when I saw Gregor, standing proudly next to Hage; but in civilian clothes.  I was standing with my men; awaiting inspection from my Lieutenant.  He performed a full military inspection of each of us; including Gregor.  He stopped at Jan.

 

"Scharführer, where is your collar rank insignia?"

 

Jan looks worried.  "Untersturmführer, my apologies, I forgot to put it on; I will get it immediately."

 

"See that you do, Scharführer."

 

"Jawohl, Untersturmführer."  Jan spun around and ran back upstairs to get his rank insignia.

 

Peter moved on to his last inspection; me.

 

"You don't have to do this."

 

"You're right; we need to look our best.  And I trust you to assure that we all do; including me.  Proceed with your inspection, Untersturmführer."

 

"At once, Hauptsturmführer."

 

He performed a complete inspection of me and my uniform.  Apparently I was as forgetful as Jan because he caught the same thing on me.  It had been months since any of has bothered to wear our collar rank insignia; and Jan and I forgot about it, I guess.  Peter stood in front of me, looking me square in the eyes.

 

"Hauptsturmführer, where is your collar rank insignia?"  I heard Gregor and Hage smirk.  I blushed a little.  Peter didn't crack; he was in Untersturmführer mode then.

 

"My apologies, Untersturmführer; I have forgotten it.  I will get it at once."

 

"See that you do, Hauptsturmführer, there will be no excuses on this detail."

 

"Jawohlm, Untersturmführer!"

 

I turned and ran to the stairs, meeting Jan coming down.  He smiled at me as I reached and held up my lapel.  I let him pass and ran up to my room to find the damn thing.  Below me, Peter walked back over to Gregor and stopped in front of him.

 

"You look very nice, Gregor; thank you."

 

"You're welcome, Untersturmführer; my apologies for the condition of my clothes."

 

Peter smiled at him.  "No apologies necessary; you have made them presentable.  I thought you said you wouldn't use our SS titles?"

 

"It seemed like the thing to do.  I doubt I'll remember once we leave this room, but I thought I owed you that respect in these circumstances.  I respect you at all times, Peter; but this is important."

 

Peter smiled at him again.  "It is.  Thank you, Gregor."

 

He stood back and looked at them, one by one, just awaiting my return.  He smiled.

 

"You all look very professional; Erich would be so proud of each of you.  He always told me how much he loved our uniforms; and how handsome we all looked in them.  He was right; you all look very handsome today."

 

I came running down the stairs and rejoined my men, resuming my previous position.  I stood at attention and looked at Peter.

 

"Thank you, Hauptsturmführer.  I see you even remembered where it goes.  I was just telling them how proud Erich would be of them right now; they all look so handsome."

 

"He would be.  He was proud of each of you.  He told me repeatedly that it was his honor to be our friend.  He loved each of us and he always wanted the best for us; just as we did him.  Untersturmführer, you may dismiss the men.  We will meet at the car in 10 minutes to drive to Erich's farm."

 

"Jawohl, Hauptsturmführer!  Du bist entlassen!" (You are dismissed/relieved)

 

We broke formation and went our separate ways.  I walked over to Wolfy and took his arm; leading him to the back porch.  Once outside, I turned to him.

 

"I'll need your strength, bärchen; please stand beside me today."

 

"I'll stand beside you always, liebe.  I will do whatever you need of me to make you feel better.  I'm so worried about you…."

 

I nodded.  "I'll be fine.  It's just going to take me some time to get past this.  I knew I loved him; adored him even; but I didn't know just how much until yesterday.  I will spend the rest of my life missing him."

 

"I know you do; we all do.  He's was someone very special; he brought love and kindness to a group of hardened men.  And he somehow managed to make a home for us out of a commandeered farm house in the middle of nowhere.  We will miss him terribly, Willy."

 

"I know, bärchen, I know.  He loved you all so much…"  I had to catch myself again.  Wolfy started to pull me into him.  "Baby, please… If you do that I'll lose control.  Let me fight it out."

 

He nodded.  "OK.  I'm here whenever you need me."

 

"I know.  Thank you; I love you so much."

 

"I love you, too, Willy; always."

 

"That knowledge gets me through the days like nothing else can."

 

He stepped back and pulled out a packet of cigarettes.  I watched him pull one out and light it up; the smoke pouring out of his mouth when he exhaled.  I watched him take another drag on it, then exhale again; blowing the smoke to his right, trying to keep it out of my face.  He noticed me watching him intently.

 

"You can't have one, Willy; you'd hate yourself for starting again."

 

I looked at his eyes.  "I know.  I'm sorry, it just looks so good right now; much like the whiskey looked to me yesterday."

 

"Just remember how you felt when you woke up this morning; this would be almost the same."

 

I smiled at him.  "I know.  I'll stopped watching you smoke."

 

He took another hit off the cigarette and then threw it off the porch, towards the car.  "There.  Temptation gone."

 

I gave him a small smile and took his hands in mine.  I just needed to feel him; touch him, right then and there.  We'd been standing in that exact spot for about 5 minutes when everyone came streaming out of the back door.  To a man, they all grabbed my shoulder and squeezed a little as they walked by on the way to the car.  I let go of Wolfy's left hand and turned to follow them; bringing him along with me.  How six grown men managed to fit inside that Opel I've yet to figure out, but we did; three and three.  Peter drove and when we got about 500 meters from the front of Erich's farmhouse he pulled over and stopped.  He got out of the car and then turned and leaned his head in.

 

"Everyone out; we walk from here.  We always look like an invasion force everywhere we go together, but not today.  We will walk up to that house and pay our respects.  Leave your hats in the car; we're here as friends, not SS soldiers, today."

 

We all piled out of the car, throwing our hats back into it and closing the doors.  All of us straightened our uniforms and started walking to Erich's house.  We'd at least managed to stagger ourselves out a little; pretty much walking as couples.  Wolfy and I followed by Hage and Gregor; Jan and Peter bringing up the rear.

 

When we got to the front of the house I looked around to see the turn out.  Erich's parents, of course.  Sasha, with his parents.  A minister.  10 or 12 adults without children; one of them Herr Reinhard.  8 boys aged 12 to 16; all with their parents.  The 6 of us.  If it had been up to me the entire village would've been there; but that wasn't my domain, and I had no say in it.  We all walked over to Erich's parents, still managing to stay as couples.  I held my hand out to Erich's father.

 

"Herr Albrect, my deepest condolences.  I will remember and miss him for the rest of my life.  I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss."

 

He took my hand.  "Thank you, Herr Captain.  I'm pleased you and your men could take the time from your schedules to be here.  Erich was always telling us how much he loved you and your men, and how honored he was that you allowed him to spend time with you."

 

"We are the ones who were honored; honored and proud to have him as our friend.  We all love Erich very much; and we will miss him terribly."

 

"Thank you, Herr Captain."

 

"Herr Albrect; please allow me to introduce you to my team."

 

"Of course, Herr Captain.  It will be nice to put the name with a face; we've heard so much about you all."

 

"On my right is Sergeant, Deiter Wolf.  Behind him is Corporal Alexander Hagen; and to his left is Herr Gregor Haidenger.  Behind them is Corporal Jan Richter on the left, and my second-in-command, Lieutenant Peter Schiller."

 

"Gentlemen, it is an honor to meet all of you.  I am Joachim Albrect, and this is my wife, Cathrin."

 

The men all shook hands with Erich's father, and then my men each bowed his head once at Erich's mother.  I turned to Cathrin.

 

"Fraü Albrect; my deepest sympathies.  My men and I loved your son as if he were our own.  I cannot even begin to tell you how terrible we all feel at your loss.  If there is ever anything we can do for you; please do not hesitate to ask."

 

"Thank you, Herr Captain.  Erich always spoke so highly of all of you; especially you, Captain.  I too appreciate you taking the time to be here today."

 

"We would never disrespect you or your son by not attending this service.  Erich was a cherished part of our group, and we are honored that you allowed us to be here, Fraü Albrect."

 

"I will go speak to the Reverend, and tell him we may proceed now."

 

"Of course, Fraü Albrect."

 

She walked over to the minister and talked to him while I turned around and looked around at the gathered mourners.  I saw Sasha standing next to his father.  He noticed me and gave me a small wave.  I waved back and gave him a gentle smile.  I could tell he'd been crying; his face and eyes were just red and puffy, and he looked as though he didn't sleep last night.  The Reverend got our attention and asked all of us to follow him.  He led us behind the house about 20 meters; just to the right of the big barn that's back here.  I saw Erich's coffin resting on a trolley, next to an open grave.  It was a basic coffin with a wreath of white lilies on top.  I caught my breath; trying not to let out a sob.  Wolfy put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently.

 

We all gathered in front of Erich's casket, standing in rows of 8 or 10, about 3 meters away from him; the minister in front of us.  I had chosen the spot next to Herr Reinhard on my left; Wolfy on my right; my other men on his right.  I shook Herr Reinhard's hand.

 

"Herr Reinhard."

 

"Herr Captain.  I wasn't aware you were acquainted with young Erich."

 

"Very well acquainted, Herr Reinhard; he spent much time with us at the farm.  We have all adopted him as one of our own; he had become a dear friend to us."

 

"It is nice of you all to be here."

 

"We would never disrespect him or his memory by not being here; we were all honored to have had him in our lives.  I was not aware that you were acquainted with him, Herr Reinhard."

 

"I have known the Albrect's for quite some time; I was here at Erich's birth.  I will miss him terribly; he was a wonderful boy."

 

"He was indeed, Herr Reinhard."

 

The Reverend asked for everyone's attention and began the service.  He talked for about 10 minutes; delivering a nice service and then leading us in prayer.  When he'd finished, he asked Erich's father to step up.  He shares a few memories of Erich with all of us; trying to hold back the anguish and tears as he spoke.  I was doing the same; fighting like hell to maintain control.  I knew my eyes are wet; I could feel it, but I somehow managed to keep the tears from running down my face.  After about 7 or 8 minutes he returned to his wife's side, looking at his son's coffin while wiping his eyes.  The Reverend returned and lead us in one more prayer.  When he is finished he turned around to Erich and said a silent prayer with him.  When he turned back around he thanked us all for being there and then walked over to Erich's parents and spoke with them quietly.  The next voice I heard was Hage's; soon followed by all of my men, and then every man assembled who'd ever served in the military.