John Gets What He Needs
By: Hogan
(Copyright 2007 by the Author)
Editor: Gerry Young

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
 

Chapter 4

“Guardians”

BEEP … BEEP … BEEP .... John stirred and hit the alarm and tried to focus his sleepy eyes on the time. 7:30a.m. 'Ugh. Time to get up and get moving,' he thought to himself. He slowly rose and stretched, trying to get awake enough to walk down the hall to the bathroom to take a piss.

He managed to piss even with a morning semi-hard-on and then went to start his shower. He took one the previous night after the intense hoops session, but he’d always had to have a shower in the morning to wake up for work. He did his morning-ablutions and shave routine and then dressed in his phone company uniform. He thought to himself that he was actually glad to be back into a routine; the last few days had been weird enough that he’d just like to get some normalcy back in his day-to-day life.

He took his coffee with him in a thermos and headed off to work. The workday was uneventful and he even managed to search the spot where he had found John Doe. He didn’t find anything that looked like it had been the guy's property -- mostly just the normal roadside trash and bits and pieces of debris from the storm.

After finishing his day, he stopped at his mom’s house for dinner as planned. She usually expected him on Mondays, so she always made extra and it was their time to catch up and see how each other’s lives had been going. John was glad to hear that his mom had started dating again. She and his father had divorced when John was in middle school. She dated off and on but never found anyone more serious than lasting a few months. There was one guy that she dated and thought she might marry, but he turned out to be unfaithful, so she ended it

After dinner was done and the usual table talk was well on its way, they cleaned up the kitchen and went to the living room for coffee. He sat down beside his mom and gave her a big hug.

“What’s that for John; is something bothering you? It's not Jacob, is it; he’s still coming as planned, right?”

“No. Jacob's fine, and as far as I know, Becky's keeping her word.”

“Actually, Mom, I need to talk to you about Evan. You remember him, don’t you, from high school?”

“Of course I do, John; don’t be silly; I’m not THAT old yet,” his mom said, chuckling, just like he always seemed to do.

“I had a chat with his parents yesterday to find out how he was and what he was up to these days.” John looked down as he paused, and acted as if he were going to cry.

“Sorry, babe, but I already know all about Evan’s pain. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ... sorry you had to find out on your own.”

John angrily glared at his mom, jumped up suddenly, and began pacing around the living room. “What the FUCK, Mom? Don’t you think I should've known? Especially, coming from you! I thought we always told each other everything? I just can't FUCKING believe this!”

“John … first of all … sit down and stop using that word!” she sternly demanded.

Taking a seat again, he sighed deeply, and then apologized. “Sorry, Mom, but I’m so pissed that everyone seems to have known Evan was mentally ill, except for me. Why wasn’t I told about Evan? And you, of all people, should've let me know.

"You're right, John, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you; I thought you had enough on your plate with Becky and Jacob, and I knew you were stressed out. I guess I was just using my maternal prerogative, trying to protect you. I found out about a year ago from his parents. Evan had stopped taking his meds and was relapsing, and they couldn’t find him ... he just simply disappeared ... they didn't know where he had gone. They thought it was possible he might have ended up here looking for you ... since they knew he was … uhhh ...” she stopped in mid-sentence as if she had said too much.

“John sternly looked at his mom and with squinting eyes and a questioning tilt of his head, carefully asked, “Knew ... he ... was ... what?”

“Well ... John ... uhhh ... Evan's parents knew how he felt about you and thought maybe he had came here looking for you. They weren’t sure what he was doing because he wasn’t thinking straight.”

“So you also know he's gay, then?” John asked his mom, looking straight into her eyes to evaluate her reaction.

“Oh, dear … yes, John … he told me that back when he was sixteen. You know he always felt he could talk to me, and we always had our little chats while you watched sports on TV.”

“Damn, Mom! Why didn’t you tell me that my best friend was gay? Didn’t you know me well enough to know that it wouldn’t have mattered that I had a gay friend? You always taught us to treat everyone the way that we wanted to be treated ... 'Do unto others what you would have them do unto you;' the Golden Rule ... ya know? It wouldn’t have mattered to me.”

“I’m sorry, John, truly I am, but Evan made me promise not to tell you. He was afraid if you knew he had a crush on you that it would've ended your friendship. And I think he was right. Not that you couldn’t have a gay friend, but it would've changed things with the two of you, and Evan didn’t want to loose that. He said it was probably just a first crush thing and he’d try to get over it.”

John got up and started to walk out of the room.

“John ... where are you going? I think we still need to talk about this.”

“One second, Mom, I need to show you something.” John left the house and went to his truck and got the sketch he was planning to have matted and framed later that day. He took it back to his mom and said, "Here. I think you should see this.”

She opened the cardboard cover and looked for the first time at the sketch of John, nude from the back.

“Oh my, that’s … YOU? Evan did this, didn’t he?"

John nodded his head, and his mom continued, "Wow! I never knew he was this talented; when did he do this?”

“Right before he left school. The art teacher gave it to me. Look at what Evan wrote on the back, Mom.”

“Evan's "David".”

She read it out loud and then realized just what it meant and gave John a look of confusion. “I guess he really was in love with you, after all. No wonder he left like he did; it must have been really painful to be around you, knowing you didn’t feel the same way as he did.”

“Well, Mom ... I ... uhhh ... I guess he was wrong. 'Cause ... I did love him ... I loved him ... very much.”

“Are you telling me that you two were …?”

“No, Mom ... not like that, but if we were, would it have made a difference? Would you still have loved me if I were?”

“John ... I was worried about how close you two were ... seeing you both snuggled together in your bed sometimes. I would've still loved you if you were gay, bi, or whatever. I just know how hard it would have been on you at that age, or at any age, as far as that goes, in today's world.”

She paused a moment as they both silently thought to themselves, not looking at each other. Then looking up into his face, she asked, “Son ... are you questioning your own sexuality?”

“No, not really, Mom ... I mean … awww, shit. I don’t know what I’m doing or ... or what I'm saying. All this has just blind-sided me a bit, is all.” John lied.

“I’m sure it'll all work out, son. Are you going to visit Evan ... uhhh ... now that you know?”

"Yeah, I’m gonna see him at church on Sunday and try to get to know him again. It's funny that we've been going to the same church and missed seeing each other. I’m gonna go to the earlier service so I can see him ... Mom … can I ask a favor of you?”

“Sure honey, what do ya need?”

“Well, I was planning to take this sketch and have it matted and framed, but I just couldn’t get up the nerve to do it. It’s a little embarrassing to show a stranger your ass hangin' out, and I wanted to know if you’d have it done for me.”

“Sure, John," she chuckled at his embarrassment. "I know the lady that does this at the store downtown; they'll do a good job for ya.”

“Thanks, Mom. I’m gonna run home now; it’s gonna be dark soon, and I have some things to do before it gets much later.”

“Ok, honey, try not to worry so much and just remember ... Jacob will be home soon.”

“Yeah, I know, Mom; I can’t wait.”

<><><>

John got home and there was a message on his machine so he hit the play button.

“John. It’s Andy. Give me a call on my cell; I’ll be at work. I have some news about John Doe for you.”

John dialed Andy’s cell. He answered it on the third ring.

“Andy, what's up? Did you find out anything about John Doe?”

“Yeah; are you gonna be home in about an hour? I’m on patrol and can stop by for a few minutes. I really don’t want to tell you this on the phone.”

“Why not? Is something wrong, Andy?”

“No … not really ... wrong ... I think it'll be easier to explain what I know in person, is all.”

“Sure, no problem, Andy; you're welcome here anytime, bud.”

“Thanks, John. I'll will be there in about an hour, then.”

Ok … bye.”

“Bye”

John was wondering what was up with the missing guy. He wondered if Andy was just making an excuse to see him, but then thought that it didn’t matter to him. They'd soon have to have a talk, anyway, about the other night ... 'if it comes up, or if Andy hits on me,' John thought.

He called Chris after he hung up with Andy, and asked to talk with her for a few minutes.

“Sure, John. How'd your visit with Evan’s parents go?”

“Good, actually; his parents didn’t feed me to Tyler or anything." They both laughed at the thought; then John continued, "Chris, how long did you know about Evan?”

“Well, that depends on what you’re talking about ... him being gay ... or having schizophrenia?”

“Shit! I guess I meant both, Chris,” John revealed

“Well, Evan told me he was gay when we were juniors in school. I had already figured it out though. I knew he had a big crush on you, the way he followed you all over the place. I mean ... for God's sake, who the hell would watch someone play basketball for hours when they didn’t even like the game? I think he was watching your ass the whole time.” Chris laughed.

“Very ... fucking ... funny.”

“Sorry, John …" she continued laughing, "... but it is a nice ass.”

“Ok, stop it, you’re a married women; well, semi-married, I guess.”

“Trust me … like I told you over lunch, it’s just a financial arrangement for us right now, and for our daughter. I didn’t learn about his illness until he was back here in town and home from the hospital. I just happened to visit his brother at the body shop to get my car fixed and asked about Evan, and his brother kind of filled me in. I went and saw him at his parents house last fall. Evan was working out in the gardens, getting them ready for the winter,” Chris explained.

“He didn’t know who I was at first ..." she continued, "... but his mom reminded him, and the more he talked with me, the more he remembered me ... or so it seemed. He’s changed some. He was always shy. But now he has a hard time holding really long conversations. His answers are short. And another thing, John ... you should remember when you see him, that he doesn’t like to be touched unless he knows it’s coming. I guess it makes him a bit jumpy,” Chris continued to explain.

“Do you think he'll remember me?”

“I suppose so … I can’t really say. You have changed a lot since high school. He probably thinks of you as the guy that you were back then, if you can understand that. He doesn’t really know the 'giant,' John.”

“Very funny, Chris”

“Well, shit … you do have to duck going into most doorways ... oh ... tall ... one.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me. I constantly have scrapes on my head when I sometimes forget to,” John chuckled.

“John, don’t worry and just be yourself. Evan will come around and be ok with you, eventually. You may just have to give him some time. I ran into his mom at the grocery store two weeks ago and she said he was doing really great, so I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”

"Thanks for your help, Chris; I should be going; it’s getting late, and I still haven’t gotten anything done this evening."

"Ok, John, catch you later.”

“Bye”

<><><>

John was irritated. Everyone except himself seemed to know about Evan. He couldn’t believe that even Tom knew! … 'TOM doesn’t know what day of the week it is most of the time!' he thought to himself.

John put a load of laundry in the washer, and by the time he got into the living room and sat down, the doorbell was ringing.

Andy was at the door and came in; they sat down in the living room. Andy said he didn’t have a lot of time and may have to leave at any minute if he gets a call from the dispatcher. “John … I went to the hospital and investigated how John Doe left. His restraints were still closed and his gown was on the bed. He didn’t have any clothes; the ones he came in with were cut off him. I asked the nurses for his medical records and they're gone, also. There’s no record of him or any of his tests in the computers. They can’t even find a paper trail of him being there … it's as if he just disappeared into thin air.”

“How is that possible?” John asked.

“It's not … at least, I can’t explain it, and neither can the hospital administration. He was already gone before the therapist had a chance to interview him. She was running late because of an emergency with another patient.”

“What about the wellness center in Toledo? Did you hear anything from them?”

“They couldn’t say for sure. I gave them a description of him, but they said the only patient of theirs that even closely resembled him had passed away two weeks earlier, so that couldn’t help us at all.”

Andy was pensive for a few minutes and decided not to tell John how the guy had died, and then continued. "John, I’m not sure what’s going on … but I think it’s a closed case unless he turns up again. We have nothing to go on.”

John stood up and walked over to the window, silently looking out.

“What is it, John?” Andy asked, being concerned.

“You think what happened, was something else then? … Shit, I don’t know, maybe something that can’t be explained," John said, still looking out the window at nothing in particular.

“What do you mean, John?”

“I don’t know, Andy, I don’t know what I’m thinking; but thanks for taking the time to help, and please be sure to let me know what you find out.’

‘No problem, but I gotta get going. I should be back on my beat.”

John walked Andy to the door and shook his hand and told him thanks.

He watched him back out of the driveway, then he closed his door and went and lay on the couch. He was tired. Mondays always were a bear to get through, and this one was no exception.

<><><>

The rest of his week was uneventful. On both Tuesday and Wednesday, he played ball with Tom after work. When he got home on Thursday he had decided to paint his son’s room and get a head start before the weekend got there. Tom came by the house, as he usually did, and saw paint all over John, and started cracking up.

“You using a brush to paint, or are you just rubbing up against the walls with your body?” Tom asked, laughing out loud.

“Very funny, limp dick. Why don’t you pick up a roller and help ... maybe make yourself useful?” John retorted back

“You're just sore 'cause I kicked your butt in basketball, yesterday.” Tom smiled proudly.

“Well ... I’m sure you hitting me in the damn nuts didn’t help you out or anything, now, did it?”

“Hey! I told you that was an honest accident.” Tom laughed

“Yeah, whatever; if they still hurt later, I might want you to massage them for me,” smirked John.

“Yeah, in your dreams, bud,” Tom said frowning.

John laughed and slapped a hand with paint onto Tom's shoulder without him realizing what he did. Tom now had a huge handprint in olive green on his shirt. John chuckled to himself and got that smirk on his face again.

“Hey, why the HELL you painting Jacob's room green for?” Tom asked.

“His mom, Becky, says it’s his favorite color. My mom is going to bring in green and white accessories for the bed and curtains. All those bookcases I built will make a good place for his books and toys. He’ll still have room for a desk, later, when he’s in school,” John explained excitedly about his son’s room.

“I’m sure its gonna look sharp when it's all together," Tom smiled.

<><><>

Eventually, that evening, they finished the painting and cleaned up the room and tools. It was almost 10 p.m. when they finally got done. Tom said his goodbyes, and John thanked him for helping.

John had to take a shower and get ready for bed. The next day would be Friday, and he then he would have the weekend off to finish the room so his mom could decorate it the following week while he worked.

John went out with some friends from the phone company after work on Friday. Ruby, the dispatcher, was there and they discussed the events of the night of the storm. They bowled a few games and drank beer. He liked to bowl, but he really sucked at it. Bowling really wasn’t a tall man's sport, he convinced himself.

Saturday came and Andy called and asked if he could help with laying the carpet. John had told him while they were bowling that he was going to finish it on Saturday, so John readily agreed and was thankful for the help. Carpeting the bedroom went much faster with both novice carpenters working as a team, and they were done by 2 p.m.

After cleaning up the scraps and putting all the tools away into the garage, they eyed their handy work, and both agreed the tan carpet went well with the olive green walls. The trim and the ceiling, painted white, made a nice contrast.

They drank some cold beer and cooked chicken breasts and grilled some baked potatoes which were wrapped in aluminum foil. They both helped with making the salad to go with the rest of the meal. Even after all that had happened, John realized that Andy was still a good friend and was fun to be around.

He was sure that Andy would come out to him, someday ... perhaps someday soon. He thought he would be able to handle it as long as they set some ground rules, and he'd assure Andy that he, John, wasn’t gay. He'd let him know he didn’t mind having a gay friend, though. He remembered thinking before, that having a Cop as a friend could come in handy someday.

After eating and cleaning everything up, they decided to play some one-on-one hoops for an hour or so, to burn off the dinner. John won easily, but noticed Andy did have some skills and was in good shape.

John thanked him again for the help with the carpet when Andy said it was time for him to get going. He went home, and John was again alone in his house.

He was anxious about the next day ... Sunday. He’d go to church at the early service and hopefully see Evan there. He had it planned out in his head that he would approach him after the service and try to start a conversation with him. Maybe get him to go out for a late breakfast and they could get to know each other again. He wasn’t sure if Evan would go into a restaurant, as he remembered hearing Evan's mom say that he didn’t like being in public places that were noisy or crowded.

He thought up a plan "B." It consisted of going to a drive-through and then eating breakfast in the truck at a close-by park He wondered if Evan would be more comfortable with that than being in a public place. Maybe they would venture out to a picnic table to eat and chat?

He remembered that Evan's mom had told him that it took Evan a couple of weeks to get comfortable being at the church, but that he had overcome his anxiety there rather quickly.

John went to bed early that night and fell fast asleep. Finishing up Jacob’s room had worn him out.

His sleep was invaded by suddenly realizing he was walking down a brightly lighted hallway he recognized as being in the Hospital. He came to Room 204-C and walked in. He was startled to see a brown and black German Shepard sitting beside the bed, guarding the patient that lay there. It was John Doe, the guy he had found and lost. The dog was protecting the guy and wouldn’t let John come any closer. He looked at the guy and saw that his arms were bleeding; blood was flowing down the bed onto the floor. The guy looked at John with those bright blue eyes and spoke softly to him, “Please don’t loose me again … you need me.”

John was startled hearing the guy finally speak; his voice was soft and pleading. He then noticed that blood started running down the guy’s forehead, and then the Shepard started barking and moving forward towards him. Startled by all of the blood and the dog’s demeanor, John began backing out of the room. He saw a bright light emanate from the room causing difficulty for him to see anything. All he could hear was the Shepard barking louder and louder.

John bolted straight up in his bed, awake, hearing the neighbor’s dog barking outside. He got up out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a piss, thinking, ‘what a weird dream.’

He managed to go back to sleep until the alarm went off at 8 a.m. He had an hour to get showered, dressed and to the church before the service started at 9 a.m.

John jumped into his truck and headed for St. Michael's and remembered having the dream. He thought it was odd, to say the least, but then again, most dreams were. He arrived at the church and went in. Father Thomas was greeting the congregation as they came in, as he always did. He took John’s hand and welcomed him, and then John took a seat near the back. He scanned the pews looking for Evan. He couldn’t see him, but the church was large, so it would be difficult to find him if he were seated anywhere.

During the service, it was time for communion and John got in line on the right side of the aisle to wait his turn. As he stood in the slowly moving line, he saw Evan standing in the opposite line from the left side of the pews. They made eye contact with each other and Evan smiled and nodded his head in recognition. John returned the smile and moved with the line, then gave him a slight wave and Evan returned one back and smiled again. John’s turn to take communion was approaching, so he refocused his eyes to the front, then approached the railing, knelt, and received his symbolic piece of the "Body of Christ" and his symbolic sip of the "Blood of Christ." Father Thomas blessed him with the Sign of the Cross, and John returned to his seat, loosing sight of Evan.

The service ended with “Go in Peace.” The congregation began to leave.

John thanked Father Thomas for a beautiful service and shook his hand and asked, “Could I call and set up a time for council next week?”

“Of course my son, just come by around six p.m. Tuesday if that’s ok with you?” Father Thomas said.

John thanked him and agreed to the time and excused himself. He stopped at the entrance of the church to wait for Evan to come out. After several minutes, Evan was one of the last to leave. John smiled at him, and Evan smiled back when they saw each other again.

“Hi … how’s it going?” John asked, grinning from ear to ear.

Evan looked down at the ground as he answered, "I’m great; how are you?”

“I’m good, Evan … and its sure good to see you again.”

“Um, yeah … it’s been a long time ... I think,” Evan replied, looking up briefly, beginning to act nervous and unsure.

“You do know it’s me, your ol' buddy, John Clark, RIGHT? I know I'm a lot bigger, now, but I’m still the same ol' me, Evan.”

“Yeah … John, I still recognize you; your face hasn’t changed much, but you sure are a big dude, now,” Evan said half smirking and looking back down, nervously kicking pebbles with his foot.

“It's good to see you again; it's been way too long for buddies not to keep in touch.” John smiled his best grin at Evan.

“I guess it has been a while. What brings you to St. Michael's this morning?” Evan questioned John.

“Actually, I’ve been coming here for a couple years now; I usually go to the 10:30 Service.”

Evan had an odd expression on his face as if he didn’t believe John. “ That’s odd -- we've been going to the same church and never seeing each other before.”

“You're so right, Ev; I can’t believe we were so close and never crossed paths before. I really like it here and I just think Father Thomas is the best,” John bolstered.

Evan looked up at John again and smiled. “I haven’t heard anyone call me Ev since … I guess you … you always called me that, didn’t you?”

John smiled back at Evan and laughed. “That WAS what I always called you, I forgot. I guess seeing you again made me remember, and it just came out.”

Evan stopped smiling and looked back towards the ground. “Well, I guess I should be going. I walked, and its about three blocks to my apartment.”

“No sense in walking, Ev. Let me give you a ride in my truck; it's no bother,” John admitted.

“Are you sure?” Evan asked, looking John straight in the eyes.

“Sure, I'm sure; … my truck's this way, let's go.” John started moving and motioned for Evan to follow him.

They got into his truck and John asked him where to drive? Evan told him, "It’s the apartment complex across from the hospital," so they headed off in that direction.

End Chapter 4