That's Okay
by: E Walk
(© 2011 by the Author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
 

Chapter 32
The Arrangements

As Bill and I were running, he was bemoaning the fact that he probably wouldn’t get home until late because he still needed to finish the message for the services on Sunday and the message for Grandma Hattie’s celebration of life service.  As we were walking back to the house, Bill changed subjects, “Les, you need to take the boys to the viewing, Sunday night.”

“Bill, I’ll talk to them, but we’re not family.  We’ll pay our respects and leave.”

“Les, trust me, it’s important that you and the boys be there.  I can’t say anymore than that.”

I blurted out, “What’s the big secret?”

Fortunately we arrived at the house and Bill was spared from having to answer, because David met us at the door, “Dads, breakfast is ready.”

We were eating our breakfast casserole when the doorbell rang.  I looked at the clock and it was only eight o’clock.  Danny went to answer the door and returned with Mr. Davidson.  He nodded, “Good morning, Mrs. Archer and gentlemen.  I just dropped by to tell the four young men that the funeral director would like to speak with them before the viewing on Sunday evening, to tell them what they would be doing on Monday, since they are going to be coming from school.”

He continued, “We would like for all of you to attend the luncheon after the service on Monday.  It would mean a great deal to the family.”

I looked at the boys to see what they would say.  Darrin stood, “Mr. Davidson, we’ll be glad to be there.  We were very fond of Grandma Hattie.  Mr. Davidson, do you have time for a cup of coffee?”

Mr. Davidson shook his head no, “I need to go to the airport to pick up some more relatives who will be arriving shortly.  I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”

After Mr. Davidson had gone, Mrs. Archer announced, “I’m going to make something for you boys to take to the Davidson’s.  I’m going to be helping at the luncheon after the celebration service and the interment.”

I looked at the clock and it was 8:30.  I excused myself, “I need to get ready for the meetings,”

I took a quick shower and put on a pair of dress slacks and a blue cotton shirt, since I had no idea what we were going to be doing.  As I was going down the steps, the doorbell rang and I went to answer it.

Lisa’s brother and sister and their families were standing there.  The four boys arrived to see who was at the door.  David greeted them, “Hi, Uncle Paul and Aunt Terri.  It’s good to see you again.  Hey Eric, I hope you’re ready to work.  Good to see you again Aunt Paula and Uncle Mike.  Chris, you look like you’ve grown since we saw you the last time.”

I decided to let David take care of the introductions and he did a very credible job.  “Grandma Archer and Father Archer, I would like to introduce our mother’s twin brother and sister, who were younger than her, and their families.  The guy with the red hair and green eyes is Eric Witmer.  He’s eight years old.  His parents, Uncle Paul and Aunt Teresa are standing behind him.  The dude with blond hair and blue eyes is Chris Stevens.  His parents behind him are Aunt Paula and Uncle Mike.”

After the hand shakes, Paul announced, “I’ll drive my van.  Mrs. Archer, you have our permission to smack the boys’ butts if they give you any grief.”

We were getting ready to depart when Kent walked in and Darrin introduced him.  Kent announced, “I’m set to go to work, if you guys are.”

I looked at the boys, “Two lawns, and that’s all.”

The trip to Auburn was fine and I was beginning to realize that I really liked the four people.  When we arrived at Mr. Farnsworth’s office, he was waiting for us.  After the greetings and introductions, he announced, “I have arranged for the pastor to meet us at the funeral home, where the Witmers had prearranged and prepaid for their funerals, so we only need to finalize the arrangements.  Les, why don’t you ride with me?”

As soon as we started to drive, Mr. Farnsworth started, “Les, are we going to have a problem with the Witmers and the Stevens?”

“Len, I don’t think so.  They seem very level headed.”

 We were met at the funeral home by the funeral director, Robert Valmont.  He introduced us to the Pastor, a Reverend Shelley. After the introductions were completed, Mr. Valmont started, “The first thing we need to do is determine when you would like to have the viewings and the funeral services.  I also need to tell you that the funeral arrangements have been prepaid.  Your Mother had some very specific requests.”

Paul Witmer spoke up, “I think we should have the viewings and the funerals at the same time.  Is there any way that we could have the viewings on Monday evening and funeral services on Tuesday.  I have a business to run and I can’t be away for too long.”

Paula added her thoughts, “I agree with Paul.  Why make their friends make two trips to the funeral home and funeral services.  It only makes sense for us to have a combined viewing and funeral service.  Reverend Shelley, could you do a combined service for the two of them on Tuesday at 10:00 o’clock?”

Reverend Shelley spoke, “I can do it then, but I must tell you I have no idea what I’m going to say about your parents.  The last time they were in church, that I know of, was when Paula and Mike got married.  The only reason they weren’t dropped from the membership roles was that your Dad sent $1000.00 each year to the church.”

Reverend Shelley continued, “You will need to meet me at the church when you’re finished here, so we can make arrangements for the music and other details.”

Mr. Valmont added, “We should be finished shortly Reverend Shelley.  I’ll send them your way as soon as I finish with them.”

Paul stood and thanked Reverend Shelley, “Thank you for coming, Reverend Shelley.  We’ll be at the church office as soon as we finish here.  It appears that our parents had planned ahead.”

As soon as Reverend Shelley had departed, Mr. Valmont started, “The first thing we need to take care of are the obituaries.  Here is what Mrs. Witmer wants for her obituary.  In fact she stopped in the day before yesterday, to change it.”  He handed us three copies.

Paula spoke before anyone else, “Mr. Valmont, there is no way that this is going to be printed.  Our Mother never dedicated her life to making sure that we were cared for.  Paul and I were extra baggage as far as she was concerned.  All she ever cared about was Lisa.”

I had to speak my mind, “Mr. Valmont, my sons have learned to hate Mrs. Witmer after what she did to my son, Darrin.  On top of that, her darling angel Lisa was anything but an angel, as I found out since her death.  There is not going to be a Lisa Phillips memorial fund.”

Mr. Farnsworth asked, “Mr. Valmont, did Mr. Witmer have a pre-written obituary?”

Mr. Valmont shook his head no, “He said that he wanted the children to write it.”

Mr. Farnsworth looked at Paul and Paula, “I suggest that you write obituaries for your parents since you knew them better than the rest of us.”

Paul looked at Leonard, “Mr. Farnsworth, you probably knew our Dad better than any of us.  I know for a fact, that you and he have been seeing each other for twenty years at least.  Give us a break.”

After the obituaries were written, Mr. Valmont started again.  “Let me show you the caskets that your parents chose.  There is a big difference.  It will make a difference as to how we arrange the caskets for the viewing.”

He lead us to a room with a display of caskets, Mr. Valmont pointed to the most ornate casket in the area.  That is the one your Mother chose, even though it was the most expensive.  She said, ‘People will realize how wonderful I was when they see me in this.’  Your Father, on the other hand, chose this very plain casket.”

Paul exploded, “This is not even funny.  They need to have the same simple casket that Dad chose.  Neither one of them were perfect parents.  Dad recognized it, but Mother never could understand why everyone didn’t bow down to her.”

Mr. Valmont started to talk again, “Your Mother wanted to have lots of flowers at her funeral to show how much she was loved and would be missed.”

This time it was Paula who spoke up, “Mr. Valmont, that is ludicrous.  We want two sprays of flowers that will be placed on top of the two caskets when they are closed for the service.  It's a needless waste of money to have flowers when they’re just going to die.  Can you arrange for the flowers or should we do it?”

Paula wasn’t done, “Paul, let’s go rewrite the obit.  We need to make it clear that there are to be no flowers and that the memorials will be placed into an education fund for the six grandchildren.”

After the obituary was rewritten, Paul asked, “Mr. Valmont, is there anything else that we need to take care of?”

“No, Paul, I’ll call you if there is.  There will be a refund due you people.” 

Paul answered, “Mr. Valmont, put it into the grandchildren’s education fund.”

Mr. Valmont had one last thing, “I’ll make arrangements for the graves to be dug and for the dates of death engraved on the tombstone before the funeral.  You might want to drive to the cemetery and look at the tombstone.  It’s located in the northeast corner of Memorial Cemetery.”

As we were leaving, Mr. Valmont added, “Please keep me informed as to what’s happening, so I can have a program prepared for the viewing and the funeral service.  The church will prepare the flyer for the service.”

Mr. Farnsworth nodded, “Bob, I’ll be your point of contact if you need anything.” 

When we got into our vehicles, Len started to laugh, “Paul and Paula took their Mother to the cleaners on that deal.  I can hardly wait to see what happens at the church.”

When we arrived at the church, we went to the office and the receptionist  went to tell Reverend Shelley that we were there. Reverend Shelley came to greet us, “Please come in and sit down.”

When we were seated, Reverend Shelley started, “As I said previously, I don’t know where to start in preparing for the message for the funeral.  I do have a bad piece of news.  Our organist will not be available to play on Tuesday since she is having surgery on Monday.”

Mr. Farnsworth spoke, “Dr. Shelley, I see you have a computer.  If I might use it, perhaps I could solve that problem.”

Reverend Shelley stood and said, “Be my guest.”

Leonard sat down and logged on and started to type.

Jonathan are there?

Yep, what do you need?

Jonathan, we need you to play the organ for Mr. Witmer’s funeral.

Uncle Len, that would be very difficult for me.  You know how much he meant to me.

That’s why you should do it.

Where and when would I be playing the organ?

The funerals are going to be Tuesday morning at ten o’clock at Faith Church in Auburn.

Will I have a chance to practice before then, since I’ve never been to that church?  Is there going to be a soloist that I would need to practice with?

Just a minute, we hadn’t discussed that point.  Hold on.

 Len turned to us, “Jonathan will play, but he wants to know if there is going to be a soloist who he would need to practice with.”

Reverend Shelley answered, “We have several choir members who sing at funerals, but I don’t know if they would be available.”

Len turned back to the computer and started to type.

Jonnie O.,

You’re in luck.  I guess you will have to sing as well as play the organ.  Maybe you could do a dance, too.

Uncle Len, you’re out of control.

Jonathan, we don’t know of anyone who will be singing.

Uncle Len, I know a young lady who has a beautiful voice and would make the service special.  If the church would be amenable, we could come practice on Monday afternoon about four, since we have classes all day?

Brb

Len turned to us, “Dr. Shelley, Jonathan wants to know if he can come and practice Monday afternoon at four?”

Dr. Shelley nodded, “I’ll make sure I’m here or make sure that there will be someone here who will be able to help the young man when he gets here.”

Len turned back to the computer.

Jonnie O.,

Reverend Shelley has agreed to make the premises available to you to practice, if you promise not rob the church blind. Gotta go.

Talk to you later.

Len stood, “Dr. Shelley, here’s your seat back.  Now what’s the next problem we need to handle?”

Dr. Shelley was laughing, “Mr. Farnsworth, maybe we should hire you as our funeral planner.  The next question is who would like to be the pall bearers and ushers?”

I interjected myself, “I think it would be a nice touch to have the six grandson’s be the honorary pall bearers even though my sons don’t have much love for Mrs. Witmer, after what she did to Darrin.  They may give me some grief, but they’ll get over it.  In fact, why can’t they be the ushers as well.”

Dr. Shelley had a funny look on his face, “Mr. Phillips, that would be very unique. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea.”

Reverend Shelley asked, “Would you like any type of service at the graveside?”

Paul and Paula conferred and Paul spoke for the two of them, “No sir, we’ll just have the six of us and you there.  We won’t even involve the grandsons, since they will be ushering the people out.”

I added, “I’ll have Mrs. Archer come to make sure the guys don’t get into any trouble.”

Reverend Shelley had one last question, “Would you like the ladies of the church to serve a luncheon?”

Paula spoke before anyone else had a chance, “Reverend Shelley, that would seem hypocritical to ask that the ladies of the church prepare a meal if the parents haven’t attended church since my wedding.”

Again, as we were saying goodbye, Leonard added, “Dr. Shelley, I’ll be available if you need anything else.  I believe you have my numbers.”   

When we departed the church, Len suggested, “People, let’s go to lunch.  I’m starved.  All I had to eat this morning was a bagel with cream cheese.  I’ll even spring for lunch.”

We were just finishing lunch when my cell phone rang.  I excused myself and went outside.

“This is Les.”

“Hi Dad, it’s David.  I just called to tell you that we’re at the cabin.  The Aunts and Uncles will need to come here to get Eric and Chris.”

“I’ll talk to you later, Dad.”

The others were coming out of the restaurant as I put my cell phone in my pocket. I grinned, “Our sons are at the cabin.  David said you needed to pick your sons up there.”

Len laughed, “I believe I’ll go with you, You can meet and talk to Jonathan, and perhaps he can have the young lady who is going sing come to meet with you.  On the way out of town, we can stop by and look at the grave site.  I’ve never seen it, so I have no idea what to expect.  Follow Les and me.”

We drove into a well maintained cemetery and Len drove along the perimeter road to northeast corner which was at the front left corner of the cemetery.

There was an imposing looking tombstone that was adjacent to a large tree.  I thought to myself, ‘Surely that can’t be the Witmers’ grave site.  No one has tombstones like that, these days.’

We exited our vehicles and Len went to look at the big tombstone and motioned, “People, this is where your parents are to be buried.”

Paula looked at the site and said, “I think I’m going to be sick.  This is so ostentatious.  It has to be our Mother’s doing.  I’m certainly glad that there isn’t going to be a graveside service.”

As Paula was speaking, a gentleman was coming towards us, driving a backhoe followed by a truck.  The gentleman stopped the backhoe and climbed down and approached us.  “You must be here to see where the Witmers are to be buried.  I guess you will be expecting a large crowd to attend the graveside services?”

Paul answered, “I wouldn’t consider six people a large crowd.”

The man had a funny look on his face, “Then why would you need a gaudy tombstone like this?”

Paula laughed, “That’s exactly what we are wondering.  Let’s get out of here.”

Leonard nodded, “Let’s get to the cabin.  Paul, follow Les and me.  We’ll get there in twenty minutes.”

To be continued...

Editor's Notes: That was a very good chapter.  I am ready for the next one. 

I knew that bitch would still thry to have her selfish wishes put into place.  At least the rest of her family saw her for the kind of person, and I use that word loosely, she was and did what they could to drop the level a bit.

I had an Aunt who was a lot like Mrs. Witmer.  She thought the whole world revolved around her. 

I'd better stop there, or I will be going on a real rip roaring rant about my 'Aunt Lois.'  You know that I don't really like to rant.

Oh to heck with it! I'm going to go on the rant. That mean old ugly bitch is dead now, so she most likely won't read this. 

Are you ready? 

She was a bitter, hateful, ugly, fat woman.  Her husband, my Uncle Harry, hardly had a thing he could say, without her contradicting him. 

Their son drowned on his fourteenth birthday.  To this day, I am certain that he took his own life, to get away from her. 

HER living room was like a museum. No one went in there except when company came. They had a 'family room' that had old furniture in it, in the basement, and that was where the kids and Uncle Harry had to go the rest of the time.   In fact, all the furniture in her house was covered with heavy clear plastic, like the things they used to put over car seats. Even her lamps still had the protective plastic covers over the shades. When we went there for dinner, which we didn't do any more often than we had to, she put a heavy clear plastic cover over the dining room table on top of the linen table cloth, so it wouldn't get ruined by us 'clumsy, unruly children.'  That included her own kids as well, not to mention Uncle Harry.

My mother asked her why she put the good table cloth on in the first place, if it was so precious.  Her answer was that it was important to make a good impression. 

They had a beautiful Boxer dog, that no one ever petted, unless I or other nephews or nieces were there.  We were told by Lois, that Archibald was a trained watch dog and might bite us, so we were not supposed to go near him.  Funny thing is that he seemed to love to be played with.  All us kids loved him, and he loved us too.  He always growled at Lois. I will never think of her as Aunt Lois.

I wouldn't want to leave you with the impression that I disliked the bitch, because it goes so very far beyond that. I couldn't stand her.

Well that about sums up her better qualities, Someday, maybe I can bring myself to tell you about the things that I really didn't like about her as much.

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher

Posted: 07/29/11