A Helping Hand
By: DL
(Copyright 2007 by the Author)
The author retains all rights. No reproductions are
allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
dl@tickiestories.us
The three of us sat there and relaxed in a companionable silence. I was glad that Juan had finally managed to open Julian's gifts without becoming once more emotionally devastated. Notwithstanding my earlier comments to both boys about Juan's future and the need to recover fully from his ordeal before engaging in a relationship, I wasn't unhappy with the way things seemed to be panning out between my 2Js: to me it seemed like a match made in heaven. I just hoped that it wasn't too soon and that it would survive the rocky episodes I was fairly sure lay not too far ahead in Juan's future.
We all lazily relaxed for quite some time, content just to be inactive and comfortable. Eventually, I thought we should make a move towards retiring for the night as sleepiness was setting in for me at least [so funny, all these years later, as my beloved at a similar age seems forever sleepy]; even though I think the 2Js would have happily just lain there and probably fallen asleep entwined as they were!
I gently prodded Juan's side, instantly feeling ashamed of myself as he winced and looked round. I was apologetic and extremely embarrassed at how I could have momentarily forgotten the boy had not so long ago been severely beaten up. I flushed a brilliant red [I think: I could certainly feel my embarrassment spread to my face] and stammered "I'm sorry, Juan; I didn't mean to hurt you I was just going to suggest to the pair of you that it was time to think about bed!" He smiled, and now his swollen lip had gone down, he really looked a stunningly beautiful young man as he did so – I could see what Julian had meant when he'd said he looked so adorable – and I could only imagine quite how he'd look once all traces of his misfortune were gone. "It's OK, Dave; you didn't really hurt me – it just took me by surprise." Juan said.
"I'm sorry, just the same Juan." I replied and then looking over his head to a frowning Julian who had obviously been surprised by his lover's sudden movement and our subsequent interchange, said "Are you going to help Juan get ready for bed?" He smiled as I said this and I'd recovered myself enough to grin and say "Make the most of it while you can, he's getting better and in a couple of days won't need a helping hand from you!" This quickly wiped the smile from his face as he appreciated the truth behind my remark.
I stood up and reached down to Juan and he, understanding that I was offering to help him rise, leant forward and I grasped him and helped him up, giving him a gentle hug once he was upright and whispering "Sorry!" in his ear as I did so. He reached round me and returned the hug, nestling up to me and quietly whispering "Thanks" in my ear. Julian meanwhile had stood up and reached out to retrieve Juan and the pair of them made their way towards the hall door. "Don't forget Julian" I started to say, stopping as he looked back over his left shoulder, grinning and saying, "I know, I have to sleep out here!" I smiled and refrained from finishing my remark as he had effectively forestalled the need for it.
I gathered up the discarded OJ cartons and took them through to the kitchen, dumping them in the Addis swing bin [LOL: my Mum would be so proud if she ever read that last sentence: she perpetually searched out 'name' brands, trustingly believing that they were by definition, far superior than their cheaper 'look-alike' imitators!]
Wanting to give the boys some time alone, I turned the TV on and idly flicked the channels [only three back then] and then returned to ITV and selected the Teletext to check the main headlines. Although there were a couple of stories I punched up, there was nothing memorable; still it helped pass the time!
Finished, I clicked the TV to 'Standby' before rising, placing the remote on top of it and pressing the 'Power' button to switch it off properly, and making my way down to the bedroom to roust the boys. I knocked gently on my bedroom door: I didn't have to wait long before Juan called out, "Its OK, Dave; we're decent!" I pushed the door open and entered, to find Juan tucked up in bed with Julian lying on top of the bed alongside him.
"Hi boys," I said as I entered the room and moved down the side of the bed and squatted down beside Juan. I smiled as I tousled his hair and then gently raised his head and kissed him on the forehead. "So, my little stray, tell me that we aren't going to have any more tantrums from you about Julian sleeping in the bed/settee with me." I said with a smile. Juan grinned and flushed simultaneously, and Julian answered for him. "No, Dave, we won't; Juan's fine now. He's finally got the message and understands why you won't let me sleep with him and that you and I only actually slept: there wasn't anything between us."
"I'm glad," I said, "I told you there wasn't going to be anything between us; and the same applies to Julian. Though, having said that," I grinned mischievously at Julian before returning my attention to Juan, "although Julian's a nice lad, I'd rather have had you if I was looking for a boyfriend!" Juan blushed and Julian grinned good-naturedly as I said this.
"Well, Julian, I guess its time for bed." I said as I stood up. "OK, I'll just be a minute," Julian replied as he climbed off the far side of bed. I left so that the boys could exchange 'goodnights' (as well as a few kisses); and returned to the lounge and set about unfolding the bed/settee. I'd more or less got it done when Julian joined me, and between us we added the pillows, sheets and duvet to complete the job. I was about to go down to the bathroom when Julian said "You don't normally wear pyjamas do you Dave?" I was momentarily lost for words, and Julian blushed, as he continued, "I don't usually either, and it felt so strange last night sleeping with my boxers on, so I wondered if you'd mind if I didn't tonight." he blushed furiously as he said this, and continued "Juan knows about my sleeping habits, and that I was going to ask you tonight – and he really does understand now." I smiled and walked over to him and gave him a hug; letting him go, I said, "You know, despite what I said in the bedroom, if I were looking for a boyfriend and I hadn't met Juan, I'd think myself lucky to find you." Julian coloured up as I said this, replying "Thanks; I know we didn't hit it off at the start because I thought you were responsible for Juan's ill-treatment, but I've learnt that you're a nice guy." I coloured myself as he said this and smiled, before going to the bathroom.
On my return to the lounge some 7–8 minutes later, as I half-closed the hall door I noticed Julian's clothes neatly folded on a chair with his boxers on top. Julian had been right: I hadn't used pyjamas since, coincidentally about the time I had stopped drinking alcohol (22-years-old), but had done so since I'd brought Juan home, not wishing to run any risk of offending him. I undressed, and whilst doing so, decided that I could dispense with the pyjamas after all. I switched off the lights and removed my boxers, adding them neatly to my pile of clothes and grabbed the pyjama bottoms, putting them down by the side of the bed/settee (just in case).
I climbed in the bed/settee and having arranged the pillows so that I was comfortable, lying on my side facing Julian [in the gloom seeping in through the curtains], I reached out and gently touched his arm, saying "Can we talk for a little while?" He didn't respond at first, but after several minutes, rolled over so he was facing me.
"I wanted to have a quiet talk with you while Juan wasn't around, and now seems like one of the few moments when that might be possible." I saw his teeth gleam as he smiled (I think) and he wriggled a bit to make himself comfortable before replying. "OK, I guess; I'm not going anywhere." I smiled at his attempt at humour.
"Can I ask you a few things?" I said. Julian didn't hesitate before replying "Sure." I said, "Well, some of the things I want to talk about are personal to you, so if you don't want to answer or talk about it, just say." I paused, but Julian said nothing, so I continued: "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Julian thought about this for several minutes before replying "Why do you ask?"
I thought the best approach was honesty, so I said, "Well, I just want to learn a little about you and your relationships, so that I can understand how they'll impact on Juan – for example, do your parents know you're gay, that you've dated other boys and are staying tonight with your lover?" as I finished saying this I heard a sharp intake of breath. "You don't want to know much do you?" Julian replied. "Well, I think we need to know where we stand so that we can avoid upsets. You're only the third person including myself that knows I'm gay, and I know of only one other that I believe is sure about my sexuality. So, what about you?" Julian paused before replying, and I didn't push it.
"So, you, Juan and me know you're gay," Julian said. "Correct, and my doctor – who examined Juan for me – is sure though I've never confirmed it, and he's never asked outright." Julian stirred, and then replied, "So your Mum and Dad don't know?" I smiled as I could sense where this was going: "No, but as you know, I'm an adult and have left the parental home to live on my own. That's why I asked the questions: what have you told your family?"
Julian was silent for a while before quietly replying: "I told Mum that I was staying at a friend's tonight; Dad's separated from Mum so I only see him every now and then and I have an older brother who lives with Dad." I digested this before asking: "I'm guessing that you've told nobody that you're gay, right?" He nodded – silly really, considering it was dark.
"So, can I ask why you've not told your Mum? Are you afraid of being rejected like Juan?" There was a long silence before Julian replied; "I guess maybe, I'm not really sure how she'd take it." I couldn't blame him for that; "So, if you're hoping that things will work out for you and Juan, have you thought about what you're going to tell her?" I asked.
There was another long silence before Julian quietly replied, "I've tried thinking about it, but haven't come up with an answer yet." I could fully understand what Julian was saying, but felt that for all concerned it was something that had to be addressed fairly soon. "So, have you thought about what you want to do? Would you like to stay here, even though you'll have to sleep separately?" I pressed the point. Again there was a long pause, so long in fact, that I reached out under the duvet and touched Julian's arm; he stirred and said truculently, "I'm here and awake, just thinking." I waited patiently [LOL: anyone who really knows me will recognise that for a blatant lie!] and Julian continued, "I've been talking to Juan and I really do think he's meant for me; and from what I can tell, he seems attracted to me. I'd really like to stay here – even if I can't sleep with him – I just want to spend any time I can with him."
I shifted uneasily, knowing that although it was a subject that needed dealing with it was still a difficult one to approach. "I've already told you that you're welcome to my other bedroom and that I'm prepared to take you to and from work; but that still realistically means you'll need to say something to your Mum to explain your leaving home and where you'll be staying." I said, knowing full well that Julian was smart enough to have worked that out for himself: still there are times when we know something to be true, but still deny it rather than face up to what might be an unpalatable reality [and I, of all people, have good reason to know this to be true!]
After a desultory silence, I reached out once more and again touched Julian's arm; "Julian, you know this is something you're going to have to face if you really are gay and want a relationship whether with Juan or any other guy don't you?" I really was trying to be kind and sympathetic. I hadn't taken my hand off Julian's arm whilst I spoke to him and he hadn't removed it. I gently rubbed his arm as I continued: "Julian, you have two advantages over Juan in this situation: you have someone that cares about you in Juan and you won't be homeless if the worst did happen, you know that don't you? Even if you and Juan didn't work out in the long run, I wouldn't kick you out; I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned you can call this your home no matter what – if you need to or want to."
Something told me that the conversation had gone as far as it could or should for now, so I gently rubbed Julian's arm and said, "Get some sleep and if you need to talk to me privately we can always go for a walk, OK?" I could feel him relax and I stroked his arm again and said, "Goodnight Julian," and turned away to sleep.
To be continued . . .
Feedback always welcome: dl@tickiestories.us
Posted: 08/31/07