Spammer by Anel Viz

“Spammer”

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(Author’s note: In keeping with the theme of Internet spam, I have not given the main character of this story a name.)

17. Big Men on Campus

Toward the end of October Joel found a halfway decent job in the northeast suburbs. It didn’t pay as well as Hormel, and rents were a lot higher in the Cities, but he’d earn enough to do more than squeak by. He got an apartment in Minneapolis, where he’d heard the cops were more laid back about cases like his than in Ramsey County.

His new probation officer looked over his file and obviously thought that Mower County had made a lot of fuss over nothing.

“Why don’t we start out by having you call in once a month?” he said. “Just don’t forget to keep the ___ informed of your whereabouts.”

That year he drove out after work on Fridays and stayed in Winona through Sunday. Norm had to work on his senior project. He’d chosen an ambitious topic and had to spend almost every weekend on campus Winona to get it done to get it done on time. The excitement over Norm’s involvement with a man vanished overnight with the mystery boyfriend there every weekend. Everyone knew him on sight. They strolled around campus holding hands, were always together at the coffee shop or pizza parlor, sat close to each other at the movies, and played racquetball or went swimming at the university gymnasium, where they shared Norm’s locker, since in theory only students were allowed to use the facilities. He met some of Norm’s friends, who accepted him as another student, though he was a lot older and wasn’t taking any classes. He hit it off easily with them, no doubt because he felt at home with young people after having lived with Norm for more than eight years.

He gave up the studio and rented a two-bedroom apartment so he’d have a place to work without the two of them getting in each other’s way.

“We oughta get a bigger place in Austin, too, after I graduate,” Norm said. “I was thinking we should buy a house.”

“So this is permanent then? We’re a couple.”

“We have been for close to a decade. You see any signs of it changing?”

He shook his head. “Are you sure you can find a good job in Austin?” he asked.

“Pretty sure. If not there, then in Rochester. How far is that? Fifty miles?”

“More like forty.”

“I might even get something at Hormel. In the office, not the factory.”

“You might.”

“What d’ya think about making it official?”

“What official?”

“Us.”

“We can’t get married in Minnesota. No civil unions either.”

“Official for us and our friends. Some kind of private ceremony at home. No minister or anything. Just an exchange of vows in front of a few witnesses.”

“And a party.”

“Definitely a party. Whaddaya say?”

“That I made you a vow in my heart years ago and I wouldn’t mind if the whole world heard it. Does that sound too mushy?”

“It sounds like what I feel.”

“How many d’ya think we should invite?”

“Just the lunch crowd oughta do it. And Winona. Joel, if we can find him.”

“If Winona comes she’ll want to stay the night. You want to start off our honeymoon with a threesome?”

“Winona will behave herself.”

“It sounds to me like we’ve made up our minds. June then? Or should we wait till we buy the house first?”

“We may have it by then if we start looking.”

“What would your dream home look like?”

“A big bed with you lying naked on it.”

“What else?”

“Three bedrooms. One for sleeping and a workroom for each of us.”

“Sleeping, he calls it.”

“Maybe four, so we’ll have a guest room. And a bathtub big enough for the two of us. A whirlpool. And you?”

“A big fenced in yard for the dog.”

“What dog?”

“Ours.”

“You’d have to take care of feeding it. I handle enough meat at work.”

“It’ll eat dry.”

“I suppose you have a name for this dog?”

“Yeah, Spam. That’s what brought us together.”

Winona went wild over their plans. She’d have rented a hall for the reception if they’d let her, and hired a band and invited two or three hundred people. She had signed up for a black and white photography class that term, and wanted to do a series of nudes of them together for her project. They weren’t too keen on the idea, but gave in on condition that she wouldn’t try to take any pictures of them having sex and wouldn’t include any full frontals.

“But I can take some for myself, can’t I?”

“That would be OK. Just don’t show them around.”

She did a couple of individual portraits as well, which she didn’t include in the project. The professor gave her an A. He’d have hung the lot of them in the campus gallery as part of the end of term exhibit, but the administration put the kibosh on that. A lot of people got to see them anyway, since Winona was proud of her work. Based on some of the appraising glances they received, they suspected that a few had seen their cocks too, but Winona must have made them promise not to tell, since no one said anything about it. They were quite the celebrities.

Posted: 12/19/08