A December Poem

by: Will B
(Copyright 2007 by the Author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...


The idea for this poem was suggested by my good friend, mentor and older brother, Ed Walk. On his own head be it. The words of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” are by Clement Moore. The words to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” are by T. Connor. The mangled version is by me.


I have taken the liberty of using the names of some of my fellow authors in this poem. I hasten to say that any resemblance between the authors and the people and actions in this poem are almost purely coincidental. If however, any author should take offense I hope he will accept my humble apology. Should he wish to carry his ill feelings farther I would refer him to a law firm, recommended by my good friend Gerry Young: that of, the firm of Michael Albert Nicholas Ulysses Ally, his brother Andrew Nicholas Ally, and the third brother Orville Richardson Ally. To save space their letterhead reads Manually, Anally, and Orally, Attorneys at Law. We take our clients for a ride any way we can.




'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House

Not a computer was blinking, not even a Mouse

Darryl and Kent were nestled all snuggled in their beds

While visions of engorged purple glans danced in their heads

And Omar and Willie all leaking and hot

Had just settled down for a long winter’s frot!

When down on the lawn there arose such a clatter

I sprang out of bed to see what was the matter.

(I must have pulled out too soon, because I heard Omar groan, 

Come back Willie, and let me gnaw on your bone).

Away to the window I flew in a dash

Pulled on my bathrobe and tied the sash.

I opened the curtains and looked out below

At the shimmering lawn, all covered with snow.

What to my wondering eyes should appear

But a large SUV and eight buff studs, so cute and so dear

And a middle aged driver with a large erect dick

That I knew in a moment it was my Uncle Tick

His studs he hugged and stroked and called them by name:

Now Hogan, now Scottie, now Etienne and Anil

Cum William, cum Morris, cum Adam and Little Dan’l

Now pleasure yourselves, pleasure yourselves, pleasure yourselves all!

Their manhoods aroused, standing tall, and erected

They hastened to do what Tickie directed.

Then out of the house in a great joyous bound

Came dear Daddy Ed, and without a sound

Ran up to Tickie and hugged him and kissed him and turned him around

And led him into the house, leaving the studs jacking off on the ground.

A little later, after taking care of Omar’s needs and my own I began to wonder . . . .

Would I see Ed kissing Tickie

Underneath the mistletoe that night?

So once more out of bed I got

Went to the door and  . . .

They didn’t hear me creep

Down the stairs to have a peep

They thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep

But I saw Uncle Ed groping Tickie

Underneath his bush so snowy white

Oh, what a laugh it would have been

If Darryl or Tip or Ty had only seen

Ed pleasuring Tickie last night.

May the joys of the seasons lighten your hearts

May love warm your whole bodies, to your fingers and toes

May smells of the holiday please your nose.

But in all of your cheer and joy

Remember those who may not have joy

Send a gift to a poor girl or boy

(See Str8mayb’s story “Shortie’s Christmas”).

Send a card to a Recovering Warrior

Call or write someone who misses you

Say a prayer for the families who mourn

For this is the season when HE was born.

But wait, there’s more!

The Christmas Feast

What’s that I see coming over the horizon?

It’s someone I didn’t expect to clap eyes on.

It’s my new friend Paul, and what a surprise!

He’s brought a whole plane load of . . . of  . . . of mince pies!

“Will, I brought these out of the UK as fast as an eagle,

Since those pesky Puritans in Parliament have made eating mince pies illegal!”

“Since I didn’t want to end up in the Tower, ahem,

I brought them here so that we could devour them.”

“I thought you might invite your friends, three or four, at least,

And we could have a real old fashioned Christmas feast.”

“Paul, I’m delighted to see you just at this time

I was afraid I would be unable to create a rhyme.”

“Let’s call the gang together,

And have a good time no matter what the weather!”

“Just how many pies did you bring, Paul?”

“Oh, just six or seven hundred, that’s all,”

The new arrival at Tickie’s cheerfully said.

“Let’s set the tables with cloths green and red.”

The Ladies of the Companions had been cooking and basting

Making the 40 or so turkeys the best ever tasting.

They had sauerkraut, sweet potatoes and broccoli with cheese

Pickles and relish and olives as much as you please,

With hot tasty rolls dabbed with butter and jelly

We’ll all go away with a well-filled belly.

“Forgive me Paul, I don’t like to boast

But we even have some fine wines and ales to give a toast.”

I told him it would be disgrace

Not to let each friend feed his face.

Then Paul quietly said to me,

“Dare I ask? Would it be

Too much trouble for a nice spot of hot tea?”

“Sure buddy, I’ll put the kettle on to boil,

And we’ll soon have a brew fit for a Royal!”

The room was filling up fast. I saw many friends old and new,

Friends who stood by me: they were really true blue.

At two tables I saw Str8mayb and the boys from the Haven

They sat and talked quietly—there was no ‘misbehavin’!

Over there were Gregg and Harley

Having their own private parley,

With their good friends Ed and Arli.

Jimmy, Timmy, and Tammy were ever so sweet

When they told me this party was neat.

Bill and Anthony were there with DD

And also another friend, Kent D.

Said Jimmy, “I like the stuffing.”

Replied Timmy, “It’s dressing.”



Just then Rev. Chet said, “Quiet, my friends,

It’s time for the blessing.”

Each bowed his or her head

Not one word was said

But each gave thanks for freedom, faith, friends, and food.

Each gave thanks the best that he could.

The dinner was great. Each first served his neighbor

And they applauded the cooks for their hard labor.

The talk was dotted with laughter

We’d all be talking about this feast for many weeks after.

Suddenly there was a thunder boom and a lightning flash.

The great front door flew open with a crash.

In came a miserable looking sour faced geezer –

Why, it was an old friend, Ebenezer.

“I’m here, Will, but I don’t know why I came.

I’m really not in a party-mind frame.”

“Eb, for too long you’ve thought only of yourself.

Since Jacob left you, you’ve stayed on the shelf

Wallowing in self pity,

And behaving in a way that’s really – well, really not pretty!”

“You’ve forgotten how to laugh and love and have fun

So sit and relax, have a mince pie or a bun.”

“Think back to those days when you were at school,

And with your friends you acted so cool.”

At night in the dorm you and t’other boys

Would giggle and laugh and play with each other’s “toys.”

But ‘neath all the tickling and fun

You all cared for each other—every one.

“With some of your buddies you’d go into the woods,

And examine each other’s goods.”

“Aha, Eb, I see a smile; it came and went quick

I’ll bet you were remembering Dick Wilson

And the fun you had with making each other slick.”

“And later when you were a young stud,

And you were fit and trim and well hung, bud,

You had a lot of fun with another well-endowed boy

Jacob and you gave each other great joy.”

“You were partners in business and in life

At first there was never any strife.”

“But as time went on and you grew older,

Jacob sensed you growing colder.

You only wanted to jack off

It made Jacob want to back off.”

“One day Jacob said, ‘Ebbie, it breaks my heart,

But I fear that you and I must part.”

“Did you jump up and say,

‘Oh, no Jacob, I won’t insist on my way’?”

“No, Eb, you let him go out the door,

And you’ve seen him nevermore.”

“Eb, I implore you, think ahead

To the time when you are dead.”

“Who will mourn at your funeral bier?

Will anyone shed a sorrowful tear?”

“Think, man, think. Open your heart to laughter and love.

Think of others, give yourself a shove

Back into humanity and the whole human race.

Let me see a smile, a grin, a laugh, on your once handsome face!”

“Oh, Will, I fear it’s too late.

I wish there was some way I could expiate

The wrongs I did to my dear Jake.

I repent of my folly, for your and the day’s dear sake.”

Then I looked at Matt and Gary and pointed to the door.

They knew what to do without a word more.

They went to the door and opened it wide

And who should come out with a manly stride

But Jacob Marley who went to Eb and gave him a hug

And said, “I’ve come back, you big lug!”

The whole room applauded and gave many a cheer,

And I confess, I had to wipe away a tear.

Gerry came to me and said with a smile

This is the greatest party I’ve seen in a while.”

He sensed I was missing one person, and said,

“Don’t despair, his studies are keeping him busy,

So if he doesn’t write, it’s not because he’s dead,

He’s been hitting the books until he’s almost dizzy!”

“I know, Gerry, and thank you, my friend,

For those cheering words, I appreciate them, no end.!”

Ed and Darryl and Chet and Jess

And Str8 and DD, Scottie and the great Tickie, no less,

Stood by me and we said with great delight,

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”

And as Tiny Tim , who did not die, said, “May God Bless Us Everyone.”




Author’s note: My thanks to Gerry and Ed who assisted me with this poem.


To all my fellow authors, readers, editors, and friends, my sincerest best wishes for a happy Christmas or other holiday, and a happy and prosperous New Year. Will B.





Posted: 11/30/07