Jerry
By:
Will B
(© 2009 by the author)
Ably Assisted by Ed
The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's
consent. Comments are appreciated at...
Author’s Note: Caution: Do not read this story if you are allergic to hilarity, jocularity, or rampant vulgarity. The Author thanks his Beta Reader for some very suggestive suggestions. And now, on with the show!
Chapter 26
The New Year’s Eve Bash in the Souchard Hotel’s Playroom
The Playroom was packed on New Year’s Eve. A number of old friends were there, and some new ones as well. Some of the FARTS were there, as were Dennis (Bruce’s brother) and his BF Ernst. Miguel was there, as were Terry, and quite a group from the lands ‘down under:’ Jamie the Aussie and David from New Zealand. Jamie was talkative; David was quiet, but they got on well together.
Dress was ‘optional,’ and some were wearing towels wrapped around their mid-sections, some were wearing loincloths, and some were wearing thongs. Others were just wearing jockstraps.
Because the events of the evening would probably become raucous, to say the least, Andy and Wall-Eye had taken the young guys at the Residence (including young Ricky) into The City to attend a double feature at a multiplex. They were going to have supper at a pizzeria, and then see ‘Avatar’ and ‘2012.’
In the playroom, the audience was sitting on padded benches and there were bowls of condoms strategically placed. A white sheet was hung across the stage so that there was room for people to move back and forth behind it, crossing from one side to the other without being seen. At ‘stage left’ stood an easel.
The evening’s proceedings started when Jake walked across the stage in his best ‘Look at me, I’m a flaming fag’ attitude, and placed a large sign on the easel. It read ‘ACT I: AWFUL JOKES AND PORNOGRAPHIC POEMS BY BRUCE AND CHAD.’
Jake swished away, and out stepped Bruce and Chad, dressed in white tie and tails—the picture of male elegance, except, a certain zipper had been left undone and white shorts with red polka dots protruded from the openings.
They bowed to the audience, and Bruce started. “Say, Chad, did you hear the story about the male stripper?”
“I don’t know, Bruce, is it a long one?”
“Uh, about seven and a half inches, I should say.”
There were groans and a few yaks from the audience. Dennis and Ernst, both wearing loincloths, were relaxing on a bench, holding hands.
“Say, Bruce, did hear the joke about the traveling salesman and the shower’s son?”
“No, can’t say as I have.”
“Darn, I haven’t either. I was hoping you could tell me!”
Still more groans from the audience. Quiet David yelled out, “Get the hook!”* Ernst leaned back against Dennis’ chest.
Chad didn’t miss a beat. “Hook? You should see Bruce’s! Heh heh heh.”
Bruce punched him on the arms and in sotto voce (a stage whisper) said, “Just you wait, Chad; Just you wait!”
Facing the audience, Bruce said, “I would like to recite some poems, rewritten from Mother Goose:
Gary, Gary, quite the fairy,
How does your penis grow?
By groping balls and cock rings, too,
And pretty boys’ butt-cheeks all in a row.”
Dennis’ hand began to rub Ernst’s chest, especially his nips.
“Old King Cole had a very long pole;
A very long pole had he.
He lubed up his dick
Until it was slick,
And called for his cock-diddlers three.”
“Jack and Phil went up the hill
To do some sixty-nine.
Jack went down and sucked Phil’s crown
And the cum that came was mighty fine!”
“Say, Bruce, did you hear about the hunky fireman that always seemed to need a haircut?”
“No, Chad, I haven’t.”
“Well, Bruce, he just lo-o-o-o-ved sliding down his barber’s pole.”
“That was a slick one, Chad. Really, really slick! Now I have some limericks for you:
“There once was a guy from Nantuck-et
Who dearly loved being butt-fuck-ed.
Until he got one hot blow
Job and now he did know
That he really liked being cocksuck-ed!”
Dennis began to pinch Ernst’s nips and Ernst began to quietly moan and to push himself back so that his butt cheeks were pushed firmly against Dennis’ package.
“A studly sailor out on the blue
Was horny from needing to screw.
He bent o'er the rail
And got rammed in his tail
And said to his buddy, “It’s your turn now; I’ll do you.”
“There once was a handsome young twink
Whose helmet was shiny and pink
Till one day, just as a prank
He let his buddy give him a wank
Now in the circle jerk he’s a horny link.”
The limericks received some applause from the audience. Dennis’ hands slid slowly up and down Ernst’s chest and abdomen. He rubbed Ernst’s body with circular motions.
Chad thought for a minute and then said,
“In days of old
When knights were bold
And condoms not invented,
Sir Lance would perfume his pole
And slide it in his partner’s hole
A lot! And shoot his wad all scented!”
That got more groans, a few moans, and some applause. Bruce and Chad bowed to the audience again, and walked offstage. Jake came out again, with one wrist limply hanging and put another sign on the easel: ACT 2: SABU AND RAM SING.
Before Sabu and Ram made their entrances, Peck and Dirk, wearing only thongs, came on to the stage, each carrying a column about four feet high, made of Styrofoam, but painted to look like marble. They placed the columns about ten feet apart at the edge of the stage, and then exited the stage, their bare butts wiggling seductively.
Dennis was kissing Ernst’s right ear lobe and licking his ear. Ernst responded with some wriggling that produced a noticeable bulge in Dennis’ loincloth.
Kev and Anton, almost completely naked, brought out two bowls that looked as if they held incense, but were really holding dry ice that gave off vapor. Kev and Anton set the bowls on top of the columns and left the stage, each one rubbing the cheeks (Which cheeks, facial or posterior?) of the other.
Sabu and Ram made their entrance, wearing fine white linen aprons tied at the waist and hemmed with a metallic-gold satin. They wore triangular striped headdresses. Their eyes were rimmed in kohl (a Middle Eastern dark eye-liner), and their lips and nipples were stained pomegranate-red.
They were each carrying gold-colored bowls above their heads, as if about to make an offering to the gods. As they walked they drew closer, they lowered the bowls to click them together, as if making a toast. They backed away and they each pretended to stumble. The bowls tilted, pouring the clear-to-whitish liquid on the other person. The aprons were splashed and became transparent. Their organs of pleasurable invasion were clearly visible, but no sign of a bush could be seen because they were completely shaved. The bare muscular chests of these two studly smoothies were glisteningly dripping with the "offering" liquid.
Their appearance drew a lot, A LOT, of applause, and once the audience had quieted, Ram and Sabu began to sing:
“We’re not Siamese if you please**
We’re not Siamese if you don't please
Now we're looking over our new domicile
If we like we stay for maybe quite a while.”
As they sang, they had their arms bent at the elbows and their hands at shoulder height, palms down and pointing away from their bodies, as seen in the one-dimensional wall paintings of Egypt. They moved their hands sideways in smooth sensuous movements.
“We make thingies swimming round and round
Maybe we can suck them out and swallow them down
If we sneaking up upon them carefully
There'll be some for you and some for me.”
Sabu moved behind Ram and began running his hands up and down Ram’s chest and abdomen. On each downward passage, he got closer and closer to Sabu’s apron.
“We like sipping cum if you please
We like sipping cum if you don't please
Now we're looking over our new domicile
We be tops or bottoms for maybe quite a while.”
As the song ended Sabu snatched Ram’s apron away, but Ram quickly took off his headdress and held it in front of him, so that the audience caught only a tantalizing glimpse of Ram’s cock as it reared to erection, moving from side to side like an Egyptian asp.
This song and their apparel brought thunderous applause, and they bowed to the audience, turned their bare backsides and walked off stage, each one fondling the butt cheeks of the other.
Dennis now had his hand beneath Ernst’s loincloth and was fondling the sausage that was large—and getting larger with each stroke of Dennis’ hand.
Once more Jake slinked onto the stage and placed another sign on the easel. ACT 3: SONG BY GERRY. When he finished, he groped himself, turned, wriggled his butt at the audience and swished offstage.
Gerry, a tall well-built man in his sixties, walked onstage wearing an old cowboy hat with sprigs of dried grasses sticking out of the sweatband. He didn’t have a shirt on; he was wearing only ratty, torn, holey bib overalls with only one shoulder-strap clasped. One of the strategically-placed holes showed clearly that he wasn’t wearing any underwear and his (possibly Viagra-inspired) erection was all too obvious. He was also carrying a corncob pipe.
Trace whispered to Jerry, “I understand he’s been in Hollywood's Community Theatre Circuit for more than twenty years. He offered to be part of the entertainment, and he was so…so…”
“Hot?” Jerry questioned him an answer.
“Well, that too, but he had such a great sense of humor that I thought he would be a real addition to the entertainment tonight.”
By this time Dennis had taken Ernst’s loincloth completely off, and he was openly pleasuring his lover. Ernst turned and said, “Take yours off, too, and put your lovely, lovely dork right in the dark, hairy, moist fork between my thighs.”
Gerry, unaware of what was going on in the audience, began to sing.
“I'm a lonesome polecat, ***
Lonesome, sad, and blue
'Cause I ain't got no mascu-line polecat
Vowin' to be true
Cain't make no vow to a herd of bulls.”
Gerry lifted one arm and smelled his pit, scrunching up his nose, gave a nauseous whistle, and the audience, likewise, made sickening moans and ‘Eeews.’
“I'm a mean old hound dog, bayin' at the moon
'Cause I ain't got no boy-friend hound dog
Here to hear my tune
A man cain't sleep when he sleeps with sheep”
Showing his nimbleness and agility, Gerry lifted one leg (like a male dog watering a tree) and then bent forward and licked his overalls-covered taint. After a thrilling and uproarious audience response, he stood up to finish his song.
“I'm a little old hoot owl hootin' in the trees
'Cause I ain't got no hunky guy owl fowl
Here to shoot the breeze
Cain't shoot no breeze with a bunch of trees
Why cain't I lose these lonesome polecat blues?”
He took his bow, then turned around to go offstage, and the audience saw a corn-cob-dildo sticking out of his bare ass.
“Trace, that was absolutely the filthiest, dirtiest, song I ever heard—and I loved it! But can you imagine a man his age being so limber?”
“He could wrap his legs around my head any time!”
Once more Jake pranced across the stage in his ‘airy-fairy’ mode and placed another sign on the easel. ACT 4: THE SOUCHARD SHOWERS AND GROWERS. Jake quickly ran behind the curtain so he could get into (or would it be ‘out of’?) costume.
A light backstage went on showing the silhouettes of guys disrobing. A shirt was seen being thrown into the air, a pair of slacks and then more clothes.
After a few minutes, recorded music was heard throughout the Playroom. “Kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga kow! Kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga kow!”
To this steady chanting a stream of high-stepping guys appeared from behind that sheet at the back of the stage. They were, of course the ‘Seven Dwarves’ and Adrian. They all were clad only in towels wrapped around their waists. They stepped in time to the chant in a circle around the stage. As they neared the back of the stage, they whipped off their towels and again high-stepped in a circle around the stage.
Ah yes! They high stepped, in all their glory. Their cocks were ‘waving in the breeze.’ Everybody in the audience sat up straight in rapt attention. Many of the guys watching the dancers were erect somewhere other than their spines!
The studs on the stage formed a single line and began to bend and touch their toes, right hand to left toe, and then left hand to right toe.
“Kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga kow! Kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga, kowa-bunga kow!”
The dancers straightened up, put their hands behind their heads, gyrated side to side, and then front to front. The dancers’ cocks moved as their owners strutted their stuff.
Dennis stopped stroking Ernst as the two of them watched the performance, wondering what was cumming… excuse me! coming next. David from New Zealand just sat there with his mouth wide open, drinking in the sight! More and more of the audience had bulges in their crotches. A few were beginning to … you know what I mean!
The dancers now divided into two groups.
Anton, Hank, Ben, and Adrian were in the front row. Peck, Dirk, Jake, and Kev moved behind the other four. But they continually moved forward and back, one group in front, then the other group was in the front.
The recorded voice of Adrian was heard singing,
“The ‘Shower’ and the ‘Grower’ should be
friends.****
Oh, the ‘Shower’ and the “Grower” should be friends.
One man stands up a mile, the other may take a while,
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.
‘Family guys’ should stick together,
‘Family guys’ should all be pals.
‘Growers’ dance with ‘Showers’ nicely,
‘Showers’ dance with the ‘Growers’ closely.
‘Growers’ dance with ‘Showers’ nicely,
‘Showers’ dance with the ‘Growers’ closely.”
While Adrian was singing, each of the dwarves went to the front of the stage, one at a time, and wriggled and gyrated sexily as he introduced himself.
Peck, alias ‘Dick,’ went forward and said, “Hi sailor. I’m Dick, ‘cause I’m so long, and my man-muscle is so-o-o-o-o strong!”
Dirk, alias ‘Slappy,’ wriggled his way to the front and said “Hello, guys, I’m ‘Slappy’” because I like to be spanked—and sometimes I l-o-o-o-o-ve to be wanked!”
There were some chuckles from the audience.
Adrian sang again,
“I'd like to say a word for the shower,
He comes out tall and oh so strong,
He comes out a whopping seven inches long,
But he just loves the “Grower’s’ schlong!
Oh, yeah!”
Next it was Jake’s turn. He sashayed to the front, wiggling everything he had, and said, “I’m ‘Sleazy’ cause I’m so ‘down and dirty.’ Don’t you think my ass is purty?”
“Shake your booty, bitch,” somebody called from the audience.
Kev, tall and muscular and another smoothie, gyrated front and center. “Hi, sexy guys. I’m ‘Grippy’ ‘cause I’m very, very good at handjobs.”
T. Henry was chuckling so hard; it was a good thing he had his video cam on ‘automatic’ or he would have missed these eight studs.
Adrian sang again,
“But the ‘Shower’ and the ‘Grower” should be
friends.
The ‘Shower’ gropes his dick with ease,
The ‘Grower’ enlarges his tool with butter and grease,
But that's no reason why they can't be friends.”
Anton thrust himself forward with his thick treasure trail and even thicker equipment standing high, and introduced himself, “Hello all you bottoms out there. I’m ‘Ropey,’ cause I’m thick as a rope, and I’m...so…<gyrate to the right>, round…<wriggle to the left> and firm…and so….fully…<he fondled himself> packed.”
Someone in the audience said, “Come here, stud, and show me what you got!” That got a lot of cheers and whistles from the audience.
Dennis resumed stroking Ernst whose helmet was beginning to thicken.
Hank, moved front and center, and turned around with his back to the audience. “I’m called ‘Ass-Full’ because that’s where I want it.” He massaged his two cheeks, and went on, “I named these glutes ‘Independence Day’ and ‘Labor Day.’ Why don’t you come up between the holidays sometimes?”
“Woo-hoo” and “I’d like to bite dem apples!” came from the audience.
Adrian was still singing
“I'd like to say a word for the ‘Grower’,
The dick he pulls is way too small and tiny
At first! Sometimes for many days on end,
Frankie Fist and his five sons are his only friends.”
Now the last two guys came forward.
Ben, with his thick dick and
low-hanging balls, said in a low sexy voice, “I’m ‘Leaky’ cause I leak a lot,
and it’s ohhhhh, so sweet to the last spurt. We could play until we drop.”
Adrian, walked out and displayed his equipment, and announced, “I’m Dirk the Huntsman and I’m hefty….hot!... and hearty—so come on stud; let’s party!”
Once again, the eight men formed a line so they could ‘brandish their weapons’ in the audience’s faces. As the ‘kowa-bnga kowa-bunga’ chant started, they formed and high-stepped in a circle. They segued into a chorus line and when the last man had passed the rear of the stage, Sabu, Ram, Bruce and Chad joined them. All four were in that glorious state which the audience loved to see.
The group formed a straight line across the front of the stage and began to sing,”
“Nothin’ could be finer <left kick>
Than to do a sixty-niner <right kick>
In the mornin’! <left kick>
<Pause>
Nothin’ could be sweeter<left kick>
Thank to lick your lover’s peter <right kick>
In the mornin’! <left kick>
<Pause>
Nothin’ could be more thrilling <left kick>
Thank to be the lucky fillin’ <right kick>
In a three way sandwich <left kick>
ANY TIME OF DAY!
Every guy in the audience was on his feet clapping, cheering and whistling. The singers bowed, bowed again, and as the applause went on; then they bowed yet again!
A clock was heard ticking and the sheet at the back of the stage rolled back to reveal a clock face with 60 marks on its face and only one hand. A voice announced, “It is now one minute until midnight.”
The single clock hand began to move and from the ceiling descended a gigantic piñata, shaped like a huge erect penis. This was a most unusual piñata. Its sides were not rigid, but pulsated. <forty-five second to go.>
Lower and lower the piñata came, and people could see at one end the lips of the slit, which seemed to be puckering and un-puckering. <thirty seconds to go.>
The piñata turned from side to side as if it were a snake seeking its prey! <fifteen seconds to go!>
Everyone began to chant “Fourteen, Thirteen, … Nine, Eight, Seven … Four, Three, Two, One!”
At that point the Piñata shot a bubbly foaming stream of liquid over the stage, the performers and the audience. As it landed on their faces, the recipients tasted it and realized it was … Champagne! CHAMPAGNE! Of course.
“Happy, New Year! Happy New Year!” rang the cries as friends embraced friends, hunks hugged hunks, lovers groped lovers, tops invaded bottoms, and bottoms received their New Year’s Gift spasmodically, butt gratefully.
What a New Year’s Eve Bash the grand old
Souchard Hotel had seen!
To be continued...
Author’s notes:
Several members of FARTS made suggestions for this chapter and others have graciously allowed their names to appear. Thanks to all of them. My one hope is that this chapter will be ‘banned in Boston.’
*For the younger readers, this was an expression used by someone in the audience, to get an unpopular vaudeville act off the stage. Vaudeville? Oh, go look it up in your Funk and Wagnall’s!
**Words adapted from the song sung by Peggy Lee in Walt Disney’s ‘Lady and
Tramp.’
***Words adapted from the song sung by characters Caleb, Frank, Gideon, Benjamin, Daniel, & Ephriam in MGM’s 1954 ‘Seven Brides For Seven Brothers.’
****Words adapted from the song sung by Charlotte Greenwood as Aunt Eller in ‘Oklahoma.’
E’s comment: All I can say is, “That was some party!”
Beta’s comment: Even after that scrumptious party, all I can say is, “Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy Holiday Season, too.” (See? It doesn’t hurt to say both, and it includes warm wishes to all.)
Posted: 12/18/09