Coach Assistant

By: Tim
(© 2015-2016 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

tim@tickiestories.us

Chapter 61 

They say that time heals all wounds but, in my case, I think it was a very slow process.  Looking back at those last few months, I still some times think that it’d all been a dream.  But no, it hadn’t been.  How incredible it all sounded!  But I knew that it had all happened.  The first few days after they’d been arrested in Amsterdam, I went through a period of incredible turmoil … feelings of joy eclipsed a sense of deep sadness … I felt hurt and was depressed.  It all had turned out even worse when we came back to our normal surroundings at home.  The pleasant welcome of a change of scenery was gone.  I had to recount the whole story several times … in front of the police, attorneys, my dad … well, you name it and I think I spoke to them … over and over again.  Once I started the story, I held nothing back, and I think that the shrink must have heard my story at least ten times before I was able to bring myself under control.  He told me it was good … a way to get it out of my system … to learn to deal with it, to see it in a less emotional way.

He might have been right, I don’t know.  Sometimes it helped … at other times, I thought that he had no idea what he was talking about … theory was all well and good, but he’d never had to deal with the real feelings and emotions.

I stayed away from most of my friends … Alexei was busy with his championship preparations … or maybe he was ready, I didn’t know and I didn’t care.  I knew that Brian had kept in contact with Francis, and Randy had tried to contact me through my e-mail account several times.  They just knew too much.  They were too intimately involved with what had happened.

My father?  Yea, he tried … I could sense that ... though he wasn’t sure what to do.  I knew that he was always there for me, whenever I needed him.  At first he was a bit overly concerned … but, after weeks went past and the beginning of the new school year loomed closer, he let go a bit … though he was never too far away for me to lean on if necessary.  He might not have realized it, but I needed him more than I showed.  His upbeat attitude towards it all had helped me to cope.

Then, of course, there was Francis.  I’m not sure what I would have done if he’d not been there.  Our quarrel hadn’t gone past the point of no return … not that we were able to return immediately to our normal state of affairs as of a few months ago … but still, we’d grown, taken another step in our relationship.  We were in a place where our relationship couldn’t be shattered by a single incident … for we’d reached a deeper love where we thoroughly valued each other’s opinions … where two persons wanted to become one.  We’d developed into a partnership with both of our individual identities intact.  We even laughed about it.

But when it came to my sexual preferences and feelings … that was still territory we weren’t able to explore … though I think he was beginning to understand.  As for myself, I tried to focus on the good stuff … not feeling guilty … but still, not able to act on my feelings, either.   The shrink had helped me to understand it … to get a grip on my feelings … to make me strong in the face of suddenly meeting an overpoweringly male closeness … to be able to be in such a situation … to be an individual with my own feelings of submission … but with my own sense of self, to be myself.  Oh, I sometimes still felt that overwhelming feeling of needing, wanting to  obey someone instantly ... I recognized it and could give it its own little place in me and let it be just what it was … nothing more, nothing less.

Since school was about to start, I dreaded the day that was approaching … the day I couldn’t pretend that I was someone else at school any more.  They had warned me about it.  I’d talked it over with dad, Francis, the police, the state attorney … but still, the closer it got, the less secure I felt.

In these areas, Francis had supported me 100 per cent.  I knew what the consequences would be for me … for him … for us.  So far we’d been able to avoid everything.  Charges were laid in the utmost secrecy and had not led to any reporters making any enquiries about what happened … but I knew that that would change … with the date of the preliminary hearing getting closer, the case would be something that the press would jump on at unbelievable speed.

I’d thought about it at length … discussed it with several of my closest confidents … how to deal with it.  I’d even made one phone call to Alexei, to see if his experiences with the press would give me some insights on how the story might be discovered and interpreted.  But it was sheer guesswork.  I felt like I needed to be in control of the situation … and I’d hoped that I had found the way to do that.

That meant coming straight with my friends … hmmm, that may be a somewhat strange way to put it … but you know what I mean.  The national press and the man on the street weren’t what was bothering to me … no, it was our team mates, our school friends, our teachers and all the others that I encountered on a daily basis.

Now it was mid-November and, with the start of the new gymnastics season in a few weeks … the hearing in just a week … it was time to try and control my emotions.  The state attorney told me that in three days time, the story would be picked up for sure when the calendar of hearings would be announced for the next week.  So I’d made my appointment.  I knew I had to set some ground rules, as I wanted to see what was said before it got published, and no one would be allowed to read the story before I’d been able to present my version of it to my teammates.

When I look back on it, the interview had been an easy one for me.  Just like in those first days after the arrest, the story just jumped out of me … expanded onto the table without any control from me.  I’d registered all kinds of emotions on the face of the school reporter, but he’d kept himself in a very professional frame of mind.  I now looked at our interview.  I hadn’t set out any limits about the content of the article … I thought that if I’d spoken from the heart and if he’d been a sensitive professional, then he’d understand my plight.

I slowly started to open the piece of paper with the text of the interview and tried to read the words that were dancing in front of my eyes.  I realized that there where words on the page, but they didn’t sink into my mind at all.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and opened them again and started again.

Gymnastic Championship turned into a nightmare

Steve reporting

We all read about the disappearance of Nick, the gymnast who performed so incredibly at the last State Championships.  Now, several months later, Nick asked me to report on what actually happened and why he finds it important to share his “nightmare” with you.  He wants to make sure you hear his side of the story before it becomes public in the next few days.

I must admit that, so far, this has been my hardest job ever while writing for this school newspaper and, in spite of its dramatic qualities, I’m not sure if I’d have published it, except that Nick has asked me to publicize his situation.  Just to make sure that you understand … this story is based on Nick’s own account, supported by information I’ve received from the local police, as authorized by the school principal.

Just after the press conference but before leaving the hotel to hit town and celebrate their victory, Nick was captured by a former team member in the stairway and, for the next two days, was held hostage in one of the hotel rooms.  It seems that he was forced into acts of cruel sexual violence by that former team member under threat of blackmail.  Blackmail, you might wonder!  Yes, blackmail!  It exists even here at our school.

The former team member found out that, for quite some time, Nick had been having a relationship which he’d rather have held private.  But with the hearing for the trial of the former team member about to take place, Nick now realizes that it’s time to open up and to be proud of the love he feel for Francis.  Yes, Nick is gay.  So what? I thought and I asked him that same question.

Looking back, he replied simply, “Prejudice … being afraid of the reactions of others. I’ve not been that outgoing and only recently, with my performance, have others started to notice me.  I’d grown … become more self-aware and self-confident.  I was definitely not ready to give that up to become a gay gymnast.  To be stereotyped like that was unthinkable.  And it wasn’t only up to me.  Coming out …as you might know the process is called … would have consequences for Francis.  He’d enough to deal with at that time and I couldn’t add more to his plate.”

“Troubles with his parents, you mean, Nick?  Was that why he was staying at your place?”

“I’m not going to go into that now, but let’s just say that he’s had some pretty horrible reactions to his coming out and had been living with us for some time.”

From the local police I’ve learned that next Thursday, a hearing will commence for the trial of Nick’s abusive former team member and two former doctors who’d been working for the national gymnastic society for several years now.  Nick explained that the whole incident had been well planned and executed.

At the end of the interview (more will be published in our next several issues), Nick emphasized that he never wanted to pretend to be someone other than the person he really was.  As other gay teens know, he was dealing with the shock that you don’t fit the image that society creates for teens these days … and that is hard to deal with.

On the question of whether he was afraid of the reactions that might follow the revelation of his experiences, Nick said that he felt confident now and had the support of a lot of people.  Everyone is allowed his own opinions and you have to respect them.

Now, all this makes you wonder if there are any other gays at this school … people trying to deal with and fight with their feelings … to hide them … when the only thing they should be doing is enjoying and celebrating their teen years with all its incredible feelings of joy at the process of becoming a person in his or her own right.  Nick agreed with this idea and hopes that the steps he and Francis have taken would make it easier for others to open up and enjoy the right of being who they really are.

More of the interview will follow in our next issues, and the hearing and trial will proceed.

*******

Yea, he’d done a good job.  I knew it had to be in Steve’s style.  It was maybe not exactly how I would have written it on my own, but it came close.

Now we’d just had to wait to see what would happen over the next few weeks.  How would people at school respond?  How about my friends who didn’t know about us?  Would the press play up the details of the trial?  Could I just go back to life the way it was? 

Well, those were all legitimate worries but I couldn’t go back now … nor did I want to.  By tomorrow, the paper would be all over the school and then all I could do was wait and see what would happened.

I knew that the principal backed us completely.  He’d talked about it with my dad before we went into the interview and he’d read the story before it was published.  He wanted to protect me, I guess, but he realized that it was something I needed to do.

I walked towards the office of the school newspaper and, when I opened the door, I saw that Steve was there with several others.  They looked to see who’d come in.  I just stood there, holding a copy of the paper, and gave him a thumbs up.  Steve smiled and nodded.  He knew that I’d approved of the way he’d handled it.

I turned around in the direction of my locker.  As I rounded the last corner, I saw that Francis was waiting for me.

“That’s it?” he asked.

I nodded and gave him the paper.  I studied his face while he read it.  When he was almost finished, I said, “Are you ready for this, Francis?”

“Yea, I think so.  We’ve been working towards this lately, so let’s take the next step.”

“OK … you asked the guys from the team to come in tomorrow at 9?”

“Yea, they should all be there.”

“Good … let’s go home and have a quiet evening together.”

To be continued...

Posted: 11/11/16