An Angel For A Child

By: Terry
(© 2012 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

I am Christian Lee. “Chris for short.” (Which is very apt, later) I am 40 years old. I would have been married to Catherine (Cathy) for nearly twenty years. We got married after we found out she was having our son David.  We live in Burnaby where people can talk like old friends, and generally do.

The year 2004, David was ten, he was about to celebrate his birthday (18th June).  He would have his birthday party at home, then we would be away for a long weekend, taking in the sites of Calgary, the Zoo, Museum and the Calgary Tower. It was to be a sightseeing tour for David. We both knew he would love it.

On Friday he had some friends over for the day. Laughing, giggling, giving out presents, and the cake. After he had said goodbye to all his friends, it was time to turn in as we had an early start on Saturday morning. 6:00am was the time we got up for breakfast, and then by 7:30 we were in the car and on our way for the long drive ahead. We got to our hotel, the Delta Bow Valley. The views from the room were magnificent. For the rest of the day we stayed at the hotel, using all facilities including the fitness centre. On Sunday we spent all day touring around Calgary taking in the view from the Tower, going to the Museum and Zoo. We had dinner at the restaurant and then straight back to the suite and bed, as we were leaving at 9am the following morning. Before we checked out of the hotel we had breakfast in the restaurant, then we were on our way back home.

I had been driving for an hour when my front tyre blew out, and I lost control of the car which ended up on its side at the side of the road. I woke up in the Foothills Hospital. I didn't know how long I had been unconscious, but when I woke up there was a doctor taking my vitals. He started talking but I couldn't take anything he said in. I asked where David and Cathy were?. The expression on his face was one I will never forget till the day I die. I was just about too ask again when he spoke.

“I am sorry, Mr. Lee, but your wife and son were killed. They would have died instantly and wouldn’t have felt any pain.”

If that was meant to make me feel better, it didn't work, as I lost it and got out of bed screaming for him to take me to them. Blackness descended. when I woke up again. It took maybe a few minutes to work out where I was, then my head began to hurt not because of pain but because my whole world had been taken from me.

A nurse that was in the room saw me wake and spoke. “Good morning, Mr. Lee, how are you feeling this morning?”

“Where are my family?”

She didn't answer just continued checking me over. “The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you, and see how you are doing” she said.

‘Are all nurses so cold and callous?’ I thought. The doctor arrived and after he spoke, God knows what he said as I still wasn’t able to take much in, I asked again where my family were?

“As I said yesterday your family are no longer with us,” he said dispassionately.

“I want to see my wife and my son NOW!!”

He seemed about to be going to say something but relented and said I could go see them after lunch. The soup and bread roll were anything but what I would call food; slop would be more the correct term. An hour later some doctor came in and again asked how I felt? As he waited for my reply a porter walked in and in a disinterested tone said that he was here to take me to see my family. 

In the hospital morgue after I had seen both Cathy and David I just screamed “Why!?!  If there is a God, Why!” My whole Family had been wiped out. My whole Life had been taken from me, and I still could not understand why. I just wanted to join them, and would have if it had not been for the doctor that stood behind me.

The next few days after I left the hospital were just a blur. My brother had to arrange the funeral as I would neither say nor do anything. A shrink told me I was still in shock. I wonder what the fuck gave him that idea?

Five days out of the hospital came the funeral. Still lost within myself, I simply went through the motions as if burying my Wife and Son was an everyday occurrence.

My brother, Kevin and his wife, Bev, had to go back home. I said I would be okay and they left that evening.

I know it sounds wrong, and while I missed my wife, Cathy, I really, really missed my son, David. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. I went though all the emotions ending with guilt. I had failed them, I'd killed them, but I still didn't feel better. It wouldn't bring them back. How I wanted to DIE too, as if by dying I could assuage the guilt I felt that I was still alive. I was going through what the shrink called the 'Remorse and Self Pity' stage HUH. Remorse I could understand as I never once thought of myself. All I could think of was David and Cathy and how they were gone. But self pity? I wasn't feeling sorry for myself; it was guilt I was feeling; guilt that I was still alive while they weren't.

It got so bad that I can't remember the last time I went to work, in fact I can't even remember the last time I got up out of bed, even though I was, must have been up every morning. At least I thought it was the morning. I was losing all track of time.

Kevin made an unexpected visit and after seeing my state, he threatened me with everything from kicking my ass to how selfish I was being. He insisted the accident was not my fault; it could have been anyone in the car when the tyre blow out.

“Oh, God, don't say that,” I said, thinking of why the accident had to happen with or why Cathy and David were in the car. Bev came next day and they both stayed for a while, each still trying to make me see sense.

It was a few weeks later, Kevin and his wife were both back at home when I thought I was really going insane. There at the foot of my bed stood David and Cathy. What was I going to do, Scream or Talk, I didn't know. Then a hand was put over my mouth.

“Dad, I love you,” David said quietly.

Then it was Cathy who spoke...“Christian,” she said, “I know what you are going through, but believe me we are both okay.”

“How can you be okay? You’re dead,” I said as tears filled my eyes. “I miss you both so very, very much.”

Cathy then went over to the side of the bed where David was. “My sweet, dear Chris. David and I miss you so, so much. We are not gone away; we are here with you forever.”

“But! But! But!” They both kissed my cheek and were gone. Was that a dream, an illusion? I thought very hard about it over the next few days.

At the end of July, I went back to work and somehow got back into a normal routine. I would go home, have dinner, and then go to bed. Sometime during the night, as if in a dream, I heard voices in my head.

“I love so very much dad,” David would say.

Then, in a whisper ...“David and I will be here till we can be together again. Please believe me … we both `love you` and will watch over you.” Then they were gone.

I do so miss them, more even than life itself. But I know and feel them there beside me, when I wake, when I am lonely.

I am blessed that my Two 'Angels' are watching over me.

The End

Posted: 09/07/12