March 6, 1979

 

At around one o’clock in the afternoon, David and Carol arrived home with Dan from the hospital. As they were walking toward the front door while crossing the lawn, David held Dan with his arm around his shoulders, positioning his body between Dan and the house next-door. Dan knew what his father was doing and he could not believe the extreme measures he was using, to keep him separated from Jake.

 

Due to the fact David was unaware of the phone call between Dan and Jake at the hospital the day before, Dan knew his father thought he was in the dark about what was happening and what was yet to come.

 

Glancing at his mother, Dan noticed the way she was looking at his father’s childish actions while shaking her head disapprovingly. It was fundamentally the first time in his life he had seen an extreme attitudinal division between his mother and his father. Dan did not know it but the events of the last week had shown Carol exactly who the man was she was married to.

 

As his wife, Carol knew David was staunch and opinionated but in eighteen years, he had never revealed he was innately a bigot. She was now wondering exactly how far his bigoted nature extended. Was it only homophobia or was there even more to how deeply embedded his hatred and intolerance was buried.

 

Dan leaned forward and tried to look around his father. He was excited at the prospect of seeing Jake, even though for Dan it only felt like a couple days and not four months. Unfortunately, David was watching him and he instantly adjusted his position, blocking Dan’s view with his body.

 

Dan thought, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

Once inside their home, David told Dan to go upstairs and get settled into his room. Knowing his room would still be the same and that for him barely any time had passed, Dan looked at his father like he was odd. As David looked back at him, though, Dan saw questioning and uncertainty behind his father’s eyes. As Dan began to walk away, David told him matter-of-factly, he would be up shortly because he wanted to sit down and have a conversation with him. Dan nodded, walked up the stairs and wondered where all of this was going to lead.

 

The first thought Dan had was to open his curtains so he and Jake could see each other. Since the day before, Jake’s request to be able to see him through his window had evolved into a confirmation of Jake’s love for him. In essence, though four months had passed by, Dan’s awareness was new to him. Like a guy getting ready for a first date, Dan decided he wanted to look good for Jake. He then thought he should shower and change into some other clothes. He immediately thought he should wear his turquoise, tie-dyed t-shirt, which he knew was Jake’s favourite.

 

Considering that his father wanted to talk to him, Dan suspected he was going to bring the issue of he and Jake to light and so he decided to get cleaned up before everything began. Immediately, Dan walked into the bathroom.

 

While he was showering, Dan felt certain he could hear his mother and father arguing. He could not hear what they were arguing about but he knew something was wrong. There had been a strain between his parents during the car ride home and it had been obvious. When he was finished in the bathroom, he crossed back to his bedroom, only to discover his father sitting on his bed. Dan was now even more certain the shit was about to hit the fan.

 

Once Dan was in his bedroom, David stood up and closed the door before he returned to sit on Dan’s bed. Though Dan did not know it, the reason for the closing of the door was because David did not want Carol to hear what he was going to say to Dan. He did not want her interfering. He believed he was the man of the house and that his opinions were the only opinions that mattered. Subsequently, he believed his will should dictate and naturally be enforced without question.

 

As unusual as everything that was happening was, Dan acted like his father was not even in the room and he simply dropped his towel, exposing his naked body before he began to get dressed. He did this because he knew what was on his father’s mind and he wondered how truly fucked-up his father was about men and the possibility of homosexuality. He noticed his father turn his head away, as if looking at his son naked would somehow mean he was gay as well.

 

The moment Dan was dressed, David looked at him and said, “You and I need to have a conversation.”

 

Dan turned and looked at his father but as unsettled as he was, he really did not want to deal with all the bullshit. Some part of his nature wanted to shut his father down before he got started. He knew it would create instant hell and he even feared his father might hit him but all he was certain of, was that not even his father was going to change the person he was inside.

 

“Yeah, Dad, you’re right, we do need to talk because there’s something I have to tell you and so I’m going to begin our talk.”

 

David looked at his son in shock but before he could open his mouth to regain control, Dan spoke again.

 

“Dad, I need to tell you that I’m a homosexual and that nothing you or anyone else can say is going to change that fact.”

 

“Fact? What? No, you’re not! It’s that pervert across the way, isn’t it? He’s brought this on and it’s him that’s had this affect on you, isn’t it? He’s the one that’s confused you and made you think you’re something you’re not. My son is not a pervert and not a dirty poofter. This ends here and now. You’re not to see him again, you’re not to go near him and I’m going to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist to cure these thoughts that little bastard has put in your head,” he roared.

 

Dan felt a strange feeling fill his body. It was both calmness and courage that moved through him like a cool breeze on a hot summer’s day. Dan thought it was odd because part of him wanted to scream at his father and hurt him by saying confronting things. He wanted to lie and say that he loved sucking cock and fucking guys in the arse, even though he was a virgin and had not done either.

 

“Dad, you can do whatever you want to do but I am who I am and I know who I am and you should know I was this way before Jake was. I’m the one that wanted him. I’m the one that pursued him and when the time is right, I’m the one who’s going to have him,” Dan said calmly.

 

“What the... No. No son of mine is like that and I’ll put an end to this before it goes any further,” he yelled.

 

“The only way you’ll put an end to it is to kill me, Dad. I’m gay, like it or not.”

 

“Then I’ll kill that little pervert next-door, then where will you be?”

 

Without even flinching, Dan said, “Eventually I’d be with another man, Dad.”

 

David was silenced in his astonishment and at the same time he looked like he needed a pressure valve to be opened. He was ready to explode and the anger inside of him was beginning to direct itself at Dan. He stood up off the bed and turned directly to face his son.

 

With a deep, angry and growling voice, David roared, “You ungrateful, inconsiderate, little bastard. I’m your father, you live under my roof and you will abide by my rules and my way of life. I will not have some fifteen-year-old punk dictating to me how things will be. Who the fuck do you think you are?”

 

David stepped forward and he drew his arm back all the way behind his shoulder, however, just as he was about to unleash a debilitating backhand, the door swung open. Carol had been fearful of what would happen and she had come to the door and stood silently and listened. The moment she heard the change in David’s tone, followed by the angered yelling, she knew what was about to happen.

 

Carol screamed, “You lay one finger on our son and I’ll have you arrested, charged and imprisoned. I’ll also divorce you and I promise you won’t see either of us again. Make your choice, David.”

 

David’s arm dropped to his side and he glared at his wife. He looked back at Dan whose arms were up to protect his head and he saw his son’s terrified eyes staring at him. David pushed passed his wife and stormed down the stairs. The back door slammed as he went out into the backyard before entering into his toolshed.

 

Slowly, Dan’s arms returned to his side and he was shaking to his core. Carol looked at Dan and said, “I’m very proud of you and of the way you handled that situation” and then she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him and comforted him. She then added, “I stand by what I said to him. If he ever touches you or disrespects you in any way again, it will be the end of our marriage but understand, Dan, nothing will end you and I other than death. I’m your mother and you’re my son and nothing will ever change that. You go ahead and love the person you love and want. I promise you’ll have my full support, unconditionally.”

 

Dan wrapped his arms around Carol as well and they hugged for quite some time. When they finally released each other, Dan walked immediately to his window and pulled the curtains back. Instantly, he saw Jake in his bedroom staring across the divide. Both of them smiled at each other and as they stood there in silence with love in their eyes, Carol suddenly said, “Go on, Dan, go and see your boyfriend.”

 

Dan swung around regardless of how much he wanted to look at Jake. He stared at his mother, his mouth hanging open and a look of utter shock in his eyes. He could not believe what she had said and he could barely fathom it could be honest and said from the heart. The thing was, though, his disbelief was overshadowed by the knowledge he knew from the tone of her voice, she meant what she said. He walked to her, kissed her cheek and hugged her tight again.

 

“I love you so much and I’ll never forget what you did here for me today,” he said.

 

Carol pushed away from him and as she looked at him she smiled and then said, “Go on, he’s watching you and waiting for you like he always has.”

 

Dan said, “What?”

 

“Dan, the two of you have been heading for this since before the day you asked me if kids could fall in love. I didn’t want to admit it and I tried to dismiss it but the truth is, I knew it before, I knew it then and I definitely know it now. You were both like two trains on the same track heading in opposite directions. There was no way there wasn’t going to be a head-on collision. Go on, go and put Jake’s mind at ease.”

 

Dan shook his head in disbelief again but then his smile lit up his face and he literally took off and ran down the stairs and out the front door. By the time he had crossed his lawn and then ascended the stairs to Jake’s home, Jake was opening the door. Dan pulled Jake into his arms and they hugged each other tight. Eventually their embrace released and they stared at each other with eyes of love. They had always looked at each other that way but never at the same time while knowing what they both knew now.

 

Carol was standing on her veranda and looking across. She was smiling. Maggie and Brad, who had been sitting on the lounge in their living room, had stood up when Jake flew down the stairs and opened the front door. As they watched the boys and saw the truth displayed, Brad pulled Maggie against him and standing arm-in-arm, they watched as the two boys stared lovingly into each other’s eyes. Maggie tightened her arms around Brad and Brad squeezed back in agreement.

 

“I’m so crazy about you,” Jake said.

 

“I love you too Jake and I want to be with you forever,” Dan replied and then he pulled Jake beneath his arm, turned them and directed them inside.

 

Carol walked back into her house, closed the door and as she turned and faced the empty room, she wondered what she was going to do about David. Instinctively, she believed the time that lay ahead would be a hard obstacle to overcome.

 

Closing the front door, Dan turned and saw Maggie and Brad. It instantly occurred to him what they had just seen and heard and he felt embarrassed. He had no time to consider anything and so the smile he offered was two-pronged. It was a sincere smile because he really liked Jake’s parents but at the same time, an awkward, uneasy feeling filled him. Unexpectedly, though, Brad said, “Welcome home, Son.”

 

Dan thought, “Son?”

 

The word had not been used arbitrarily, in the way some men used it on younger men. Brad’s tone was fatherly and accepting. Dan turned and looked at Jake questioningly but he was stunned when Jake said, “They know!”

 

A little uncertain, Dan returned his gaze to Jake’s parents and his eyes flicked between Maggie and Brad briefly. A moment later, though, he realised all that mattered in that moment was his desire to be alone with Jake. He wanted desperately to talk to him. He glanced at Jake and with a sudden thought he knew what he wanted to do. He tightened his grip on Jake and started walking them toward the back door but Brad stepped in front of them and stopped their advance.

 

“Maggie and I know you’re good boys and we may believe in you and trust you but remember, you’re only fifteen. You have a world of life ahead of you so be thoughtful and responsible and don’t go rushing into things.”

 

Turning his focus on Jake in particular, Brad said, “Jake, don’t let us down.” A moment later, turning his eyes back to Dan, Brad added, “We’re giving you the respect you require so make sure you respect my son as well.”

 

“Mr Edwards, there’s no one I love or respect more than Jake and I’ll never do anything to hurt him,” Dan replied.

 

Brad smiled, tussled his fingers through Dan’s hair and then he stepped out of the way and said, “Go on.”

 

Dan led them through the kitchen and out the back door into the backyard. As soon as they were alone, he gestured for them to climb up into the tree house. He had no idea that Jake had been in it recently but somehow it seemed to Dan like the only place that was theirs and theirs alone.

 

The moment they were in the tree house and away from the eyes of others, they sat and looked at each other in silence. Between them was a look that comprised love, disbelief and uncertainty. It lasted for all of forty seconds before Dan moved, pulled Jake into his arms and then attempted his first, real kiss. It was not earthmoving by any means and in fact, scraping teeth, hesitation and inexperience, made it a little unpleasant but beyond the physical, what the kiss meant overrode their innocent disappointment.

 

Pushing Jake onto the floor onto his back, Dan wrapped his body around him and tried again. The kiss was a little better the second time but the taste of Jake and his lips made Dan want his tongue and so with determination, he kissed him again. The kiss was not only about two boys sexuality being uncorked, it was also a display of their love externalised, finally. Without words their kiss turned into kissing and in the midst of kissing they began to practice to make it better. As they held and touched each other, they also became even more aware of their bodies.

 

Thirty minutes to an hour later, they were sitting up and leaning against the wall. Dan’s arm was around Jake’s shoulders and both of Jake’s arms were wrapped around Dan’s body while his face was resting on Dan’s chest.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jake said unexpectedly.

 

“Sorry for what? You’ve done nothing wrong, Jake.”

 

“At the beach. I’m sorry I didn’t say it back straight away.”

 

“Jake, we’ve already covered this on the phone at the hospital and I told you I saw your hand signals. You said, ‘I heart you, too’ and you made me the happiest guy alive by doing it. Jake, you mean the world to me, I love you and you’ve never done anything to me that required an apology. If you are feeling guilty, though, maybe you could say those words with your mouth, so I can hear them and feel them again.”

 

“As many times as you want me to say it. I love you, Dan. I’ve loved you since I started to know what love meant, maybe even before. All I know is that I don’t want to ever feel the feeling of you being gone again. I love you, I love you, I love you and I’ll say it as many times as you want to hear it,” Jake replied.

 

“Seventy-five times a day,” Dan said with a grin.

 

Jake lifted his head away from Dan’s chest and turned and looked at his face. He saw the grin, shook his head and replied, “Don’t push it.”

 

Dan chuckled and gently eased Jake’s head back onto his chest. It was at that moment that Jake noticed the extreme bulge in Dan’s shorts. He gave it a warm squeeze but simply left his hand resting on it afterwards. Dan moaned but neither of them attempted to turn the situation into a sexual opening.

 

For the next couple hours they talked, as they held each other and kept kissing every now and then. Jake told Dan every detail he could remember, of everything that happened prior to and since the day on the beach. He talked about how long he had loved him for, he talked about seeing him that night through his bedroom window and how he had almost come but thought he was going to piss his pants. Both boys roared with laughter.

 

Afterwards he talked about the cold, winter’s day in the shower and later in the bed and how he had wished more could have happened. He also told Dan about his old dreams on beaches; always naked and always hard and always with soft, deep kisses involved. He explained how the dreams had been replaced by something horrible and nightmarish.

 

Dan squeezed Jake lovingly and replied, “No more nightmares between us and one day I’m going to take you to every tropical beach and make love to you on every single one.

 

Sometime later, a sullen tone overcame Jake as he revisited that day, watching as Dan vanished beneath the ocean, thinking he would never see him again. He spoke of how he had thought he was already dead when his body appeared at the front of the wave. His arms tightened around Dan when he spoke about holding on to him, afraid that if he let him go it would somehow mean they would be parted forever.

 

“Jake, I’m back, I’m here and if I have anything to say about it, I’ll never leave you again.”

 

Jake sighed and shook his head before he said, “I know it’s silly and I know we can’t make promises like that but Dan, I can’t explain how much you mean to me or how important you are to me or why I feel the way I do when it comes to you. It’s overwhelming and like I can’t breathe without you. Remember that movie we saw on your tenth birthday?”

 

“The Exorcist?”

 

“Yeah. Well, sometimes I feel like you’re the spirit inside of me. The only difference is that you’re not bad or evil and I don’t want you to leave me. I guess if that’s what love is than I’m not too young to understand it and you’re already living inside my heart,” Jake tried to explain.

 

“Jake, I get it and I understand. I feel the same about you. I can’t even remember the first time I knew that there was no one in my life like you. There were times even I wondered if I was too young or just imagining things but no matter what I thought or felt or said or did, you were always at the very beginning of me and I knew you’d be at the very end of me, as well.”

 

“Well maybe we are too young to know or to know better but right now, Dan, all I know is I don’t want to live without you,” Jake said.

 

Dan pulled Jake upwards and he kissed him and held him tight. Both boys closed their eyes and all that existed for them at that moment was an all-consuming sense of each other. Both boys had erections but though they were horny, what they were really feeling was so much more substantial than sexual desire. They may have been hard but by comparison, their hearts were insatiable and even the sensual touch of their bodies were not enough to subdue the emotional yearning between them.

 

“I always believed you were coming back to me but when your dad caught me kissing you and he told me I was never allowed to come near you again, well that was almost as bad as the day I thought you died.”

 

“Jake, you don’t have to worry about him anymore. My mum said to me she was okay with my being gay. She said she’d support me and always be there for me and she even told me she knew that you and I were going to be together. She told my dad that if he ever hurt or disrespected me she would divorce him. Jake, what he wants or what he thinks doesn’t matter anymore. Jake, I love you, you love me and three of our four parents are okay with it. Don’t even let your mind think about him. I won’t let him hurt you.”

 

“Did you tell him about how you feel?”

 

“Jake, I told him I was gay and there was nothing he could do about it. He totally snapped but Mum came into my room and saved me. He was going to hit me but she gave him an ultimatum. I swear to you, it’s all out in the open and there’s nothing to worry about now.”

 

“Why did you take such a huge risk? He could’ve killed you,” Jake surmised fearfully.

 

“Last night at the hospital I did a lot of thinking. After waking up from the coma, things seemed different to me. I’m not sure why and it’s not something I can put into words, other then maybe by saying I’ve grown up while I was unconscious. I don’t feel so scared anymore and when you spoke to me on the phone and told me you loved me, all I knew was there was only one direction to go – forward.

 

“I took the risk with my father because it seemed to me like there’s always been something standing in my way of reaching you. When I started talking to him, I remembered what you said about him hating you and all I could think was he was my biggest obstacle to being with you. I just wanted to clear the playing field. Now he’s out of the way, everything else seems insignificant.

 

“Right at the moment there’s only one thing that really concerns me and that’s what’s going to happen at home. I’m not sure my father will ever be able to accept me and so it seems to me that will put a wedge between him and my mother. I don’t care for me because if I’m honest, I’ve never been all that close to my father and I really wouldn’t care if he was there or not. It does bother me that I might be the cause of my parent’s divorce, though.”

 

“Dan, if he leaves it will be because of his inflexibility and not because of your sexuality,” Jake said.

 

“I know what your saying but it still means my mum will be left alone after eighteen years of marriage,” Dan replied.

 

“Yeah and that’d be sad but it wouldn’t be your fault, Dan.”

 

“Anyway, it’s all hearsay at the moment,” Dan said. “One thing I can say is I’ve discovered a new found respect for my mother. I now see her as a person I never knew existed. You know, Jake, if the wave hadn’t hit me, I wouldn’t feel the way I do, I wouldn’t be acting the way I am and I wouldn’t know the woman my mother is. I’d also still be afraid to be the person I am now.

 

Jake looked at him and smiled and said, “It’s funny but after everything that’s happened, I feel like I’ve grown up too.”

 

“Then I guess we need to start acting like adults and start thinking and making decisions like adults from here on out. Before we do, though, what would you think of a final childish night in sleeping bags, in a tree house, alone?”

 

“Dan, kids don’t do the things I can see are hidden behind your eyes. I don’t think you could label a night like that as childish,” Jake said and chuckled.

 

“Well then, we could consider it as the place we transition from boys to men,” Dan suggested.

 

Jake said, “Like blood brothers to lovers?”

 

“Sounds good to me,” Dan replied.

 

“I’m all yours,” Jake said.

 

“I’ve always been all yours, Jake.”

 

“I want us to be together forever, Dan.”

 

“Jake, I want that too. I want us to be friends and boyfriends and when we finally leave home, I want us to move in together and stay together for the rest of our lives. Hell, Jake, if there’s ever anyway it could happen, I’d want us to get married so that I could prove to you beyond doubt that there’s no one else for me but you. Jake, would you be willing to marry me and be mine?”

 

“Dan, I was always willing to do anything for you and I always will. If this world ever changes that much and if boys like us are ever really accepted and given that sort of chance, then yes, I’d marry you.”

 

“Kiss me,” Dan said and Jake’s lips pressed softly.

 

***