Finding Dayton Du'it

By: Solo Voice
(© 2017 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

solo_voice@tickiestories.us

Chapter 6: Oblivious To The Obvious.

Sunday May 11.

“I really had no plans to write any more thoughts about Dayton but sitting here at one forty-five on Sunday morning, I find myself, shock-horror, thinking about him again. I’m beginning to realize that in the week since I met him, even though everything has been fine between us, as well as no issues living together in the house, there has definitely been a shift in my feelings and attitudes regarding him. Also, Friday night and Saturday have added to the changes in how I look at him and feel about him.

I still don’t know what it is about him that gets to me and I really have thought about it and tried to work it out. It seems no answers are available to explain why he is any different to any other man. I tell myself it’s because I’m hot for him and I want him but as much as I want to believe that’s all there is to it, I know there’s something more. To me, though, it’s inexplicable.

I’ve looked at him physically, emotionally and intellectually to help me find an answer. I thought that maybe an analytical approach was the way to go but even that didn’t get me any closer to a solution.

Physically he isn’t a movie star, a super model or the hottest new thing in porn. His body, which is a beautiful body, isn’t the best body I’ve ever seen on a man. For that matter, his body isn’t even the type of body I’ve always thought about idealistically. Irrespective of all of that, when I look at Dayton, I can’t help but think he’s the most perfect specimen of man I have ever come across. It’s absolutely ridiculous and it makes no sense to me whatsoever but physically he drives me nuts and I just want to eat him up.

Emotionally he hasn’t opened up to me, other than through the few factual details of his life. I’ve gotten to know him better as far as details go but he hasn’t told me anything of any consequence. The thing is, I feel something about him and I have no explanation for it. Something tells me he’s a soft soul within that hard and masculine body. I don’t feel like Dayton is trying to deceive me and therefore, I believe the man I’m seeing is real but his realness appears like a façade hiding something. Sometimes I listen to him talking to me and I know he’s holding back something that’s eating at him. I wish I could get him to trust me enough so that he’d tell me but I also think my agenda is more selfish then a friend’s agenda should be.

Intellectually he isn’t the dumb jock that we both role-play him to be. He isn’t some super intellect or a man of great wisdom either but as a general rule, I think he’s a relatively smart man. I think he’s practical, down-to-earth and reasonable. He seems to be able to carry on an intelligent conversation without difficulty and he also seems to have done some thinking and hasn’t randomly accepted beliefs because of what he was taught or expected to believe. I think he’s an individual in his own right. In those emotional and intellectual respects, I think he’s a slightly above average guy while being really physically hot.

Knowing all of these things, I still can’t see anything major that sets him apart from other men, in a way that has caused me to react to him the way I do. Just the fact that I’m writing this, confirms that something is different but I wonder will I ever know what it is.

Even with all my thoughts of hot sex with Dayton and even though I have masturbated with him as my fantasy every night this week, the other and very important change is that we have connected like the best of friends. I’ve stopped thinking, at least a little, about having sex with him all the time. More often than not, I just want to spend time with him. I love talking to him and being with him and I love to make him laugh. I love it when he makes me laugh and I’m so aware that this week I’ve been smiling more than I have in the past five years.

Thoughts of sex aside, I care about Dayton quite deeply and sometimes I have this odd feeling of responsibility for him. None of what is happening to me where Dayton is concerned is familiar to me. It’s all completely uncharted and unseen territory to me. Even the closeness of my friendship with Victor, never felt like this does with Dayton. It’s hard to believe it’s only been just under a week. I keep thinking that maybe his friendship is surpassing what I have with Victor. It’s really hard to imagine someone being a more important friend than Vic. I guess wanting Dayton naked and inside of me more than any other man while also loving our friendship, has to be the reason for these confusing feelings and thoughts.

All of the above aside, something else has happened and I’m trying desperately not to let my imagination run away with me. As this week progressed, so too did my fear that I wouldn’t find the second tenant. From day one, regardless of what happened and despite Dayton’s arrival, I wanted to stay in this house. I love it here and I don’t want anything to jeopardize it. On Friday afternoon I let my doubts get out of hand and I started worrying about it so much that I sent myself into a tailspin.

Dayton came home late and found me in a negative, contemplative state but in his thoughtful and friendly way, he brought me out of my state of mind. Soon after he asked me to go for a walk on the beach and as we were heading down to the waters edge, he asked me if I’d ever skinny-dipped. The next thing I knew we were both naked when he dragged down my shorts and briefs. He grabbed me and with his incredible strength, I was draped over his shoulder and then we were crashing into the waves.

If I had been down in the dumps previously, I certainly wasn’t any longer and suddenly we were wrestling and he was dumping my ass and holding me under the water. At some point I got a mouthful and I was coughing like I was going to die. The waves were slamming into me and I could hardly stay standing and so Dayton held me to steady me while I figuratively coughed up a lung. As I returned to normal, I became conscious of every single inch of Dayton’s naked body pressed against mine. I literally sank back against him in an instant state of sensual desire but as I did this, I thought, “danger – idiot - caution” but instantly, I felt Dayton’s arms tighten around me and his big chest and shoulders wrap around me as well. It was only a second or maybe two but I freaked out, pulled away and dived into the water.

A few minutes later, we were joking and laughing as we were walking back up to the house. It was like nothing had happened and there wasn’t even the slightest sign on his part that anything untoward had occurred between us. Not that anything did.

Writing this here and now, I’m wondering if what I thought happened, actually happened. Am I so hot for him that I saw the slightest possibility in a harmless occurrence? Did he even notice? What if I was right? What if Dayton felt something and approached the line but I broke the connection before it could really be made? I’m probably just reaching for an unreachable star, letting vain hope get the better of me but I have to say, I like the idea that Dayton could have secretly felt a bi-curious attraction to me. It’s a fool’s paradise.

The next day I awoke to Dayton sitting on my bed and telling me we had a prospective housemate coming to look at the room. For a few moments I did think about the night before in the ocean but Dayton seemed so normal, in the same manner he had after the fact, I therefore assumed there was nothing to it. I also notice he was slightly different but it was only in his interaction with me. He seemed even more relaxed and comfortable with me and that just makes me feel even more that way with him.

There was one moment while we were lying on my bed when I could see Dayton was uncomfortable. I made a comment to change the subject and the next thing I knew we were wrestling. When he pinned me to the bed beneath him and his dazzling smile and his bedroom eyes were in kissing distance from me, I started to get hard. A second later he was rolling off me and standing up from my bed and then he left my room. I can’t help but think he felt my cock growing beneath him and it freaked him out. Problem is, it’s not like I can ask him. Even so, he’s been fine ever since and we also spent the entire day together and it was great.

We met Kathryn Green and she’s moving in tomorrow or I should say today, considering it’s after midnight now. I couldn’t be happier because I really like her. She had a friend with her who was maybe twenty. I think her friend might be a lesbian but I didn’t think the same about Kathryn.

Dayton really liked Kathryn as well and the three of us got on very well during the time she was here. I have a feeling Kathryn is exactly what we need in this house, although, I’m not sure why I think that. After all, we just need someone responsible, clean and decent to move in. I’m sure she’ll be all of those things but I guess I’ll soon find out. Tomorrow and the week ahead should be very telling.

There is one last thing that concerns me and with every passing day it’s bothering me more. I’m not a person who needs to run around to everyone shouting that I’m gay. However, I also don’t like hiding it from anyone of importance and that is essentially what I’m doing with Dayton. I should have told him on day one when I told him he could move in but I was so mesmerized by him, I didn’t even think about it. Afterwards, when I did think about it, I thought I’d tell him when we got closer but I kept putting it off. It’ll be six days at eleven-thirty this morning, since I handed him his keys.

In the time he’s been living with me, he’s still none the wiser. I want and need to tell him and I’m going to tell him but with the way things have evolved, I’m actually for the first time since I came out to my parents, afraid of telling someone. It sounds strange but it isn’t about not being accepted, it’s about not losing Dayton. I don’t want to lose him or see a side to him that to this point, I don’t know exists.

As a consequence, I didn’t tell Kathryn that I was gay, which normally I would have. I was afraid she might blurt it out in front of Dayton and I didn’t want everything to come crashing down around me, just as it was all coming together. I could easily pick up the phone right now and call her and tell her but Dayton is my priority, which I know he shouldn’t be but he is. I have a feeling Kathryn won’t care one way or another, so I’m sure that side of things will be fine.

I know I have to tell Dayton, particularly because firstly it’s a matter of self-respect. Secondly, it’s a matter of showing Dayton the respect I should have shown him in the first place and lastly, I want him to know me for every part of me that I am. The time is approaching, not that I’ve made a time to do it but I know I’m going to do it soon.”

Lance sat back against the chair. He yawned heavily and stared at the text in front of him. He considered it strange that he was writing a journal about Dayton but then he changed the name of the file from the default title of “Document” to “Dayton” and dragged it directly onto the desktop for instant access. He yawned again, shut down the computer and went to bed.

At four-fifteen that same morning, Lance sat up in bed startled, horrified and with sweat dripping from him like he had just run a marathon. He was gasping for breath and breathing heavily, as the moving picture in his mind played over and over like it was on a loop. It was a nightmare and there was no other word for it.

The dream began with Dayton and he sitting on the couch like they did every night after Dayton came home from work. They were drinking their coffees when Lance decided it was time to tell Dayton the truth.

As he was looking at Dayton, Lance could not believe the overwhelming feelings of warmth for the man beside him and as he looked into those beautiful eyes, the care that was directed towards him was intense. Lance was certain there would be no better time than this.

“Dayz, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Lance, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I’m not going to beat around the bush because I think it will be better and easier if I just come right out with it and say it,” Lance said.

“Sure. Lay it on me, Lance.”

“Dayz, I’m gay.”

“What?”

“I’m gay, Dayz. I’m attracted to men.”

The caring look in Dayton’s eyes turned cold, the soft expression of Dayton’s face turned hard and then the tone of Dayton’s voice change as he said with utter repulsion, “You like sucking cock?”

“Dayz, it’s still me, I’m still the same person and you’re my best friend.”

“Really? Maybe you just want my cock in your mouth and up your ass. You disgust me and I find your type completely repugnant. Fuck, I can’t believe you manipulated me and lied to me. You make me sick,” Dayton said and stood up with his face red with anger and his fists curled tight.

Lance stood up with a look of shock on his face and said, “Dayz, please.”

“I can’t believe I let you call me that faggoty name. Now I understand why you came up with it. Well, let me tell you, Lance, I’m not a fucking pervert like you, I fucking hate you and I’ll be moving my stuff out of this den of yours tomorrow.”

Lance was almost crying when he said, “Dayz, you have to stop and let me talk to you…”

Cutting Lance off mid-sentence, Dayton said, “No, Lance, I don’t but there is one thing I have to do” and then he punched him in the face.

Lance fell to the floor and then Dayton was arched over the top of him and pounding his face with both fists. It was during that aggressive onslaught when Lance woke up.

“Holy shit,” Lance whispered.

Silently, Lance got out of bed and went to the bathroom. He looked at his face in the mirror, half expecting to see black eyes and bruises but all he saw was shock and eyes of disbelief. He threw cold water over his face and then wiped it dry.

Switching off the light, he returned to his bedroom and closed his door. He got into bed and pulled the sheet up and around him, holding it tight. He then thought, “Don’t be stupid, that nightmare came from the last thing you wrote in the journal. It was your subconscious mind trying to process your underlying doubts and fears about telling Dayz the truth. There’s nothing more to it so just relax and try and get some sleep.”

Lance rolled onto his side and closed his eyes but though he believed he was right, still he wondered if there could be more to the dream.

To be continued...

Posted: 06/02/17