Zac replied, “He vanished? Scotty, what do you mean he vanished?”

 

Though Zac’s reply was perfectly reasonable regarding the story Scott was telling him, Scott’s attention caught on one word of his reply and he smiled as if Zac had honoured him. On any other day it would not have mattered but today it took on a whole new meaning for Scott. Even though he had heard Zac say his name a million times, Scott completely changed the subject and said, “You know, Zac, it blows me away that you still call me Scotty and not Scott like everyone else does.”

 

“I’ve been calling you Scotty for twenty years. It’s who you are to me and how I think of you and though I don’t get why it’d suddenly matters, I suppose if it bothers you, I can try to break the habit and stop,” Zac said, forcing his face to remain expressionless, in spite of how disturbing the idea felt to him.

 

“No, Zac! It doesn’t bother me, I like it and I don’t want you to stop. I like that the person I’m closer to than anyone else in my life, is the only person who refers to me with a term of endearment. It wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t call me Scotty. Every time you say it, it reaffirms the depth of our friendship and that we’re still connected in the way we’ve always been, even after all these years.

 

“I suppose I only remarked about it because we’re twenty-four and no longer boys. When I was around sixteen or so, I thought adding a Y to names like Bill or Tom or Scott, at least if the person was an adult, sounded childish. Maybe back when I was coming into adulthood it was a bit of insecurity on my part but now I know it’s not childish. These days when you call me Scotty, I feel how close we are and how close we’ve always been and I don’t ever want that to change. In fact, I hate the thought of going through the rest of my life without hearing you call me Scotty.”

 

An unnoticed brightness filled Zac’s eyes, washing away what he felt moments before. Referring to Scott as Scotty was not only a habit Zac had allowed to carry over from childhood. At his core, the name also represented how high on his ladder of importance Scott was situated. Unfortunately, Zac did not feel comfortable expressing the measure of those feelings to Scott. Though as boys the name was just the name he ascribed to his best friend, as an adult the name held additional meaning. Zac felt it expressed those underlying feelings in an honest yet subtle way. It was why deep down, initially at least, it bothered Zac when Scott had raised the subject.

 

Always wanting to appear to Scott as manful, in control and unfazed, maintaining his impassive expression, Zac said with a disregarding tone of voice, “Well then, Scotty, shut the fuck up about names. I want you to continue explaining to me how the man you were talking about, could appear and then vanish in the blink of an eye?”

 

Momentarily as he looked at Zac, Scott felt disappointed. Zac did not seem touched by his truth or his openhearted sentiment. Scott felt the older they got, Zac was expressing himself more and more with that distinctly male detachedness. These days Zac rarely showed his softer, emotional nature and therefore, they rarely talked about their deeper feelings, like they used to do when they were much younger. Even so, Scott felt Zac could have at least acknowledged the importance of what he said. He also thought Zac could have confirmed he felt at least somewhat the same.

 

One of the reasons this was an issue to Scott was because during the last three months, particularly the last month, Scott felt like Zac was pulling away from him. From four to twenty-four years of age nothing had been able to separate them or even put a dent in their friendship. Out of the blue, however, Zac had seemed different and Scott was trying to let him know how much he cared about him.

 

Zac had only arrived at Scott’s door shortly beforehand and because they were the very best of friends, there was nothing unusual about them sitting in the living room deep in conversation. What was unusual was that even though Zac had just spent a month overseas, Zac’s trip had not even been mentioned. Zac could easily have felt like his first overseas trip was being ignored, however, he was just happy to be with Scott and the prioritisation of which topic they spoke about or what order the topics took place, were irrelevant to him.

 

Following the hugs and greetings of these closest of friends, within minutes of sitting down, Scott was telling Zac a story. The truth was that even though Scott was interested and excited to hear about Zac’s trip, there had been a singular reason Zac had gone to the United States and that reason did not sit well with Scott. Additionally, during the past month while Zac was gone, certain things had happened to Scott that had given him an entirely new mindset.

 

It was not a planned conversation on Scott’s behalf and in fact, from the moment Zac arrived, it was a story Scott had decided he would avoid, even though part of him wanted Zac to know. Scott’s trepidation was regarding what Zac’s response would be to the information, ironically fearing that Zac’s reaction might be too positive. Therefore, Scott came to the conclusion he did not want Zac to know. When they sat down, though, as Scott looked into Zac’s eyes, unconsciously he said without thinking, “Zac, I’ve gotta tell you about something that happened to me.”

 

Subsequently, immediately following those words leaving his mouth, Scott thought, “Why the fuck did I just say that?”

 

It was one of those times when something was bursting inside to be expressed but was instead being imprisoned due to uncertainty. Scott wanted Zac to know about the changes in him, however, he was concerned that revealing certain details that led to the change, might be to his detriment. It was the reason Scott was in two minds.

 

Part of Scott felt sure Zac would be pleased with the change in him but at the same time, the other part of him thought that the details and events leading up to the change, could influence a possible outcome, which he hoped could be a consequence of things working out the way he now hoped they would.

 

Even though he felt hesitant, when Scott actually began telling Zac the story, it occurred to him he could gauge Zac’s responses and reactions to everything that had happened. He therefore thought it would show him how Zac might react to the truth.

 

The realisation Scott had experienced while Zac was in the United States was life altering. It was not about what he had done but rather; it was about what his thoughts, feelings and actions as a whole had caused him to finally accept.

 

With Zac’s arrival at his door today, Scott really began to consider that maybe a different life path was available to him. Scott had no idea how to approach what was consuming him, however, after he had thoughtlessly blurted out about the story, he felt he had no alternative then to continue telling Zac what had happened.

 

Falling back against the backrest of the lounge, Scott said, “Okay, well imagine the vague movement of a ghost. I’m not talking about people describing some alleged, ethereal, spirit-like shimmering. I’m talking about how people say ghosts appear suddenly and then disappear a moment later. That’s sort of what I meant when I said I saw him but he vanished.”

 

Zac nodded with a grin. He clearly understood what Scott was describing but as had been the case for many years, Zac considered the way Scott so often felt the need to speak with descriptive explanations. He was used to Scott’s speaking style and knew it was perfectly natural for Scott, however, sometimes Zac felt like his intelligence and ability to comprehend were being questioned.

 

Scott was more the cerebral type who existed within his mind and tended to analyse everything down to the smallest detail. He hated being misinterpreted or misunderstood and as a consequence, he spoke in a way he thought left no room for him to be misconstrued.

 

On the other hand, even though Zac was by no means stupid, he was more the physical, sporty type who existed in the moment. While Scott spoke mostly in long, drawn out sentences, Zac for the most part spoke in short, sharp sentences, adding to the impression they were like chalk and cheese.

 

There were times when Zac wondered if because he played the rough and tumble game of Australian Rules football, if maybe Scott considered him a jock and a bit of a dumb arse. Being a football player did not necessarily mean a lack of intelligence but society was prone to categorising footballers that way. The truth was Zac hated the thought of Scott having a low opinion of him and so thoughts like that were more about insecurity.

 

Zac and Scott knew each other like the back of their hands and for years it had been like they were fundamentally joined at the hip. However, even with the degree of familiarity between them, there were times when certain attitudes, feelings or thoughts of a personal nature, which they had never shared, could make them appear like they did not know each other at all.

 

Knowing he was definitely not stupid, Zac knew he was being insecure and so he pushed his self-consciousness away. He only ever questioned himself where Scott was concerned and so as usual, he once again allowed whatever was taking place between them, to simply carry on. Zac stared into Scott’s eyes and listened as his friend continued.

 

“I didn’t really start this story where I should have and so there are certain things you wouldn’t understand. Let me go back and start from the top,” Scott said.

 

Zac smiled agreeably.

 

“Recently, due to the company’s new contract with a new legal firm, to begin their new partnership the law firm threw an early December Christmas party. It was mainly for the big wigs; you know, bosses and management and the like but they also sent out a few random invites as well. I don’t know why I received one of the invites but I did.

 

“The party was being held in the home of one of the lawyers and I knew if I went I wouldn’t really know anyone. I mean I assumed a few other people from work would be invited as well but you know me; I keep my work and my social or private life separate and so my colleagues and my friends are worlds apart. Essentially I felt certain that being at a party filled with lawyers and bosses, I’d feel like a koala eating dinner with a group of dingos.”

 

Zac laughed and said, “You didn’t feel like being devoured by the moral majority?”

 

“Yeah, that about sums it up, although whether lawyers and bosses are moral or immoral is debatable. Anyway, as a consequence of you being in the United States, I hadn’t really been doing much of anything and so even though I really didn’t want to go, I thought I should get out and do something.”

 

“Scotty, as much as I like that we support each other and are always there for each other, I don’t think it’s good that when I’m not around, you stop going out. Maybe it’d be better if you didn’t rely on me as much as you do. Actually, it works both ways. We’ve both always relied heavily on each other and though I don’t want either of us to feel we can’t rely on the other, I’ve been thinking a little less reliance might be a good thing for both of us.”

 

Looking at Zac as if a light had just gone on in his mind, Scott replied, “Well Zac, I assume that’s the reason why you’ve been spending less time with me recently. I suppose that’s part of the reason why the party became an issue to me. The other part being that you’re always telling me I spend too much time in my head and not enough time in my body, so I went. Unfortunately I was right and it was mostly corporate types who were all about money and status and it wasn’t really my thing. There were a few other plebeians at the party like me but regardless, I just felt out of place and for most of the time I just wanted to leave.”

 

“Scotty, I’m not trying to pull away from you. I admit I haven’t been spending as much time with you as I normally would but please know that not having you in my life is the last thing I’d ever want to happen. It’s just that we’re both almost twenty-five and we’re always together and neither of us have a partner. I don’t want my friendship to be an anchor around your neck, stopping you from achieving a fuller life.”

 

Scott nodded and smiled but said, “Okay, well I guess I can understand that but Zac, you’re my best friend and you should never feel like your presence in my life is anything other than positive.”

 

Zac sighed, even though he nodded agreeably. He then said, “Scotty, when I say you need to get out of your head and into your body, I’m suggesting you do things you’d like to do, not things you don’t want to do. Still, it’s nice to know you’re actually listening to me and trying to change some things in your life for the better.”

 

“Zac, I always listen to you, even if it seems at times that I don’t. Your opinion matters to me and it’s probably the most important opinion in my life.”

 

“I’m honoured Scotty but if that’s the case, I guess I should tell you to be discerning because I can’t promise my opinions will always be right.”

 

Scott nodded and said; “So anyway, with the fundamentals out of the way, it brings me back to the period of time I was telling you about the party. I was standing on one side of this huge room next to a table with appetisers. As I’d been walking passed the table, some guy stopped me and suggested I looked like a fifth wheel. I laughed and nodded and made a passing remark that I was an antique wheel that didn’t fit the modern vehicles.”

 

Knowing Scott as well as he did, Zac understood his underlying meaning. He knew Scott was fundamentally old school; believing in more traditional type values, as well as a simple and slow paced life. Scott was a quiet man who wanted close family ties, a small group of good friends and a partner founded in courting and romance. From the sound of the story so far, Zac knew the party was heavily populated, something he knew Scott would not particularly like. He smiled at Scott’s antique wheel remark.

 

“The moment I responded to him, though, he started talking to me and wouldn’t stop. I think he was actually the person feeling like a fifth wheel and so talking to me was his way of feeling more comfortable. It wasn’t long before I realised I was stuck in a one-sided conversation but I felt if I walked away I’d appear rude. I don’t know how he got invited to the party but he didn’t fit in either, even though he acted like he was the most interesting man in the room. It also didn’t take long before I realised I couldn’t relate to him on any level and that any form of escape, including self-harm, would be agreeable.”

 

Zac looked at Scott with an uneasy expression, discomforted by the words “self-harm.”

 

“I was thinking as he was droning on about who knows what, it would be a pleasure putting a transparent, plastic bag over my head and tying off the air at the neck with my belt while I watched him watching me suffocate. It was a metaphor for how he was making me feel. I thought it would be far more exciting then listening to his idea of what he thought was a captivating conversation. Anyway, right at that moment…

 

“Actually, I think I need to clarify something that happened before I continue,” Scott added unexpectedly.

 

Zac’s expression changed once he realised the self-harm remark was metaphorical but then he looked at Scott bewildered, like he was trying to keep up with the changing nature of Scott’s story.

 

“Zac, have you ever been talking to someone and out of the blue your mind goes uncontrollably walkabout?”

 

Appearing thoughtful and then grinning knowingly, Zac replied, “Yeah and when your mind comes back you realise you’ve missed some important part of the conversation and you have to pretend as you converse, you know what the other person is talking about.”

 

Scott smiled with amusement and said, “Yeah, right. Well, I was staring at the round, fleshy and sweaty face of the guy while he stuffed finger food into his mouth and talked at the same time. For a few moments while listening to Mr Irrelevant’s regurgitation of his thrilling work life in the insurance industry, it happened to me and my mind went walkabout. The thing was though, wherever my mind went, I think it was trying to distract me and tell me something important; something deep and meaningful to my existence.”

 

Zac asked, “Like what?”

 

“I got the distinct sense that some deep part of me was trying to say there was someone waiting for me, someone who wanted to be with me and love me for the rest of my life. It was the strangest thought or feeling or whatever it was, particularly at such an odd and inappropriate time but still, it filled me with a sense of hope,” Scott said but immediately following, he looked thoughtfully at Zac with an odd expression.

 

At the same time, for a split second Zac’s facial expression altered from attentively listening to distracted, before his attention returned and he said, “Scotty, are you telling me that you experienced some sort of psychic knowledge or premonition or are you just saying you thought or wished or desired for that to be the case?”

 

“I don’t know what it was, Zac. I guess it was a feeling but it was an overwhelming sense of something true. I believed it, I wanted to believe it but at the same time I found it difficult to believe and thought I was going a bit crazy.

 

Not receiving the clear, black or white answer he was hoping for, Zac gave a subtle, singular shake of his head but returned his focus to Scott as he continued.

 

“Anyway, not being a drinker as a general rule, I thought maybe the alcohol was affecting my mind and so I tried to push the enigmatic notion into the background; not that I was successful. The hot air and sound was still fluttering out of Mr Irrelevant’s mouth and I suppose from boredom more than anything, I glanced off to the other side of the room while trying not to look disinterested, only to be stunned by the vision that caught my attention.

 

“There in my line of sight was a beautifully dressed man. I could tell that beneath his form-fitting clothes he had a really hot body. I don’t know if seeing him just coincided with what I felt or what was going on inside of me but in that moment as my eyes fell onto him, I wondered if he was the one who could change my life. Instantly I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

 

“Zac, if it were possible, I think my spirit would have jumped out of my body in a type of desperate astral projection. My mind was suddenly all over the place, as I experienced the vague yet all consuming awareness, which was telling me a man who could be monumental to my life was already there and if I didn’t take the chance, I’d miss what I’ve always wanted. I couldn’t help myself and I felt certain it had to be that man.

 

“Understand that I didn’t rationalise or process any of it at the party and nor did I stand there thinking about what I was feeling in that moment. It was all happening way too quickly. It was while I was thinking about it later at home in retrospect, I put what happened into some sort of perspective. Anyway, at the time I was just struck by a sense that held me momentarily frozen.

 

“Rationally its ridiculous because for all I knew, the stranger across the room could have been a serial killer. Even so, that voice inside of me was yelling at me assertively but it was like a foreign language I didn’t relate to. I felt like I was being pushed into something, which I assumed was to cross to the other side of the room, for no other reason then to introduce myself to a man I didn’t know. I felt so uncomfortable and I couldn’t relate to what I was thinking or feeling because you know me, Zac, I’m not confident when it comes to meeting guys or initiating something of that nature.”

 

The moment Scott finished speaking he glanced downward at the carpet and shook his head like he was disappointed with himself.

 

“Tell me about it, Scotty. You’re so confident in almost every other way and yet the one thing you want more than anything in your life, is the one thing you don’t seem to be able to let yourself have. Seriously, Scotty, I really hope that one day you’ll realise how amazing you are. Maybe then you’ll notice at least one of the guys that would love you to see him in the way he wishes you could see him. Maybe then you’ll see the truth lying dormant behind that man’s eyes.”

 

Scott laughed insecurely and looked out the window, as he assumed Zac was once again trying to pump up his self-esteem, in an attempt to release the confidence that evaded his grasp where meeting men was concerned.

 

As Scott looked out the window, what Zac said filled him with hope. In that moment he allowed an old desire to return to his mind, which had first developed when he was not only seventeen but also, when he was immature and existing in a lightless, soundless closet, populated only by him.

 

Seven years previously, despite being as close and tight as they were, neither Zac nor Scott had known the other was gay. They were always together and told each other almost everything but when it came to something so life altering, both were too afraid to chance losing their best mate and so both decided to maintain a cautious if temporary silence.

 

While Scott was smart and seemed comfortable in any situation, when it came to sex and sexuality, he felt overwhelmed by what lay ahead of him and of what he would have to do to get the ball rolling. Subsequently, his inaction caused his fear to snowball and he became too afraid to take chances or to attempt to explore where his nature would lead.

 

On the other hand, a maturing Zac soon discovered that one of the other young men on his football team, was interested in exploring more than football. Therefore, in no time at all, Zac discovered exactly who he was and what his nature was all about. He played around with his teammate for a while but desiring more extensive experience, Zac forced himself into the gay scene and got to know some older men.

 

Upon reaching nineteen, two years later, on a night when Zac decided it was time to come out to his closest friend, an expected difficult time was made easy for him, when a deeply closeted Scott replied in a whisper from behind his closet door and came out to someone for the first time in his life. While Zac had progressed and was progressing even further, where sexuality was concerned Scott was still an inexperienced, teenage boy.

 

On that long ago night, Zac could not believe his luck and was more than happy to carry Scott across the finish line. Scott however was well and truly stuck, for reasons he refused to explain to Zac. All Scott would say was that he was not ready and subsequently, Zac felt he needed to be patient and to give Scott all the time he needed, at least until Scott was ready to walk out into the world and be the man he was going to be.

 

Two years earlier at seventeen, around the time Scott began to realise he was gay and discovered he was living in a lonely closet; one night while lying in bed and creating a fantasy man to masturbate over, Scott thought, “If only Zac had a doppelganger.”

 

As an immature teenager whose only real experience came from his hand, there were three reasons why the thought went through Scott’s mind. The first was because he thought Zac was super-handsome, the second was because he thought Zac had a really hot body and the final reason was because they were so close and everything was so easy between them, it therefore seemed there could be no better guy to make his first sexual experience simple and comfortable. Of course there was also a reason why Scott wished for a doppelganger and not the real Zac.

 

While Scott stroked his cock to hardness and his lustful thoughts and raging teenage hormones began to send him into some seemingly psychedelic whirlpool of desire, a thought occurred to him that being such close and inseparable friends with Zac, it seemed somehow wrong to imagine being naked with Zac or having sex with Zac. Part of Scott thought that in the darkness of his bedroom and within his secret world, there could be nothing wrong with fantasising about Zac and therefore Zac could never be hurt as a consequence. However, as he began to picture his friend naked and his lips pressed to the imagined tip of Zac’s hard cock, for no good reason, Scott felt guilty.

 

That night, as some irrational reasoning combined with a brain flooded with desperate hormones, Zac’s doppelganger, albeit a fantasy in Scott’s mind, was born for Scott’s nights in bed. An irrational guilt was disposed of as a consequence, as Scott found a way to give himself the green light to fantasise about his friend; at that time a friend he believed was straight.

 

In the years that followed, as he remained within the safety of his closet, Scott imagined the Zac doppelganger, which became more real with each night in bed. Though he tried to give it different names each time the fantasies began, amidst the heat and passion of fantasy, muscle, cock and ejaculation, Scott’s final word as he climaxed each night, always managed to be Zac, as he drifted into sleep.

 

Scott finally hooked up with a guy when he was twenty. He took the guy home, got really turned on when they kissed and held and touched each other and further, he also found wild passion and desire when they stripped and went to his bed. He went out of his mind when during the following hours, sex for the first time allowed him to truly discover his sexuality, the part of him he had yet to really understand. His heart was exploding with infatuation for the hot man who led him gently and then passionately. As a consequence, Scott instantly assumed he was falling in love. It was a wonderful experience, which as he fell asleep, he was sure would remain between he and his first lover, as they remained together for the rest of their lives.

 

Unfortunately, when he awoke the next morning to the other side of his bed, which was as empty as it was every other morning, he also realised he only knew the guy’s first name and did not know where he lived or what his phone number was. Finally, when Scott realised he would probably never see the man again, he was devastated. It was a difficult pill he had to learn to swallow.

 

Randomly over the years that followed, Scott went out with Zac, allowed himself to meet and be picked up by guys, whom he then took home for sex. Unfortunately he never seemed to meet that someone he always hoped he would meet. For several years Scott occasionally got picked up and occasionally had sex. Sometimes he even really liked a guy in that ‘Oh wow’ kind of way but never did anything of substance eventuate. During those years he continued the doppelganger fantasy but all in all, Scott remained fundamentally lonely.

 

Today, with Zac’s arrival home after a month overseas, the return of Scott’s hot and handsome friend had suddenly dredged up the feelings Scott associated with the doppelganger. It may have only been a month that Zac was gone, however, for twenty years there was rarely a day they did not see each other. They were always a phone call or a quick drive away from each other and at most, Scott and Zac had never been apart for longer than twenty-four to thirty-six hours. In spite of what Scott thought was a distasteful reason for going; Zac’s month in the United States had seemed to Scott like an eternity.

 

Of course Zac could only be Zac and not some imagined, idealised doppelganger but following a month’s separation, seeing Zac again, the real Zac somehow became the doppelganger as well. Today as Scott gazed at Zac’s handsome face and his hot, muscled body, Scott was relieved that Zac was back in Australia and back in his life. The old feelings of how close they were, combined with how much they relied on and needed each other, allowed Scott to suddenly look at Zac through both sets of eyes at the same time.

 

The moment Scott opened his door to the unexpected return and arrival of Zac, as soon as Zac wrapped his arms around Scott and said, “Damn I missed you, Scotty,” Scott felt like his world suddenly made sense again. He crushed Zac’s body hard against him, he pressed his lips to Zac’s neck as he rested his face on Zac’s shoulder and then he replied, “It’s never the same when you’re not around, Zac.”

 

The fantasy doppelganger was not only about a long held attraction to Zac, it was also about their inextricable closeness. Scott had never admitted to himself that the creation of the doppelganger meant something more. The seventeen-year old, closeted Scott, embedded the thought it was a fantasy and nothing more. Even during those fantasies of masturbation, when during climax he gasped out the words, ‘Zac, I love you,’ Scott had forcibly blocked those thoughts and feelings from being carried into his real life. Zac was his friend and that was where it had to end.

 

The fantasy doppelganger was a combination of all the things Scott loved about Zac but without the things he did not particularly like. Scott mixed the ideal ingredients of the real Zac with the perfect, big hearted, monogamous and loving doppelganger. The doppelganger did not see any other men but Scott. It did not want to pick up other men or have sex with other men and it only wanted to hold Scott and love him. It certainly did not visit some random stranger in another country for a month of sex; not that it could have, considering it was nothing more than a fantasised, imagined lover.

 

Within the limitations of Scott’s created fantasy, the doppelganger was not Zac at all, even though it was physically an exact replica, had Zac’s voice when it told Scott it loved him and coincidently, wrapped Scott’s naked body in its strong arms, the way Zac’s arms surrounded him when they embraced fully clothed.

 

As a consequence of all this underlying psychology, along with what had occurred during the past month and also the new eyes that Scott was looking at Zac, all of it had led to the story he was telling, as he navigated the hopes and fears of where it might lead.

 

Moments after controlling his insecurity regarding Zac pumping up his self-esteem, Scott turned away from the window and as he returned his attention to Zac, he continued with his story.

 

“It was like I was two people, Zac. It was like all of a sudden the man I’d always been was suddenly sharing my body with another man all together, even though we were somehow the same man. I felt so separated from my own nature. I wanted to tell Mr Irrelevant to fuck off and stop boring the shit out of me, even though that wouldn’t be me and I could never be that rude to someone. At the same time I wanted to walk over to the stranger and say, ‘Hi, I’m Scott and I think we should get to know each other, naked.’”

 

Zac’s eyes opened wide and he looked completely stunned when he said, “What?”

 

“I know, Zac. It’s what I’m trying to explain. It wasn’t me and yet in those moments I felt like it was me. I was at complete odds with myself.”

 

“Now that’s a Scotty I’d like to know,” Zac said.

 

“The thing is, Zac, I also couldn’t get rid of the weird feeling about someone being in love with me and waiting for me and I felt absolutely certain it was true. I’m telling you, I felt like I was partially possessed. Then, as all of these confusing feelings were happening, suddenly there’s this guy on the other side of the room and even though he didn’t even know I was there, I felt like he was a cowboy and I was a wild stallion he’d just lassoed.

 

“To top it all off, my soul or spirit or whatever you want to call the part of me that seemed to be manipulating me, wanted me to try and insinuate myself into some stranger’s life. The thing about it was that I wanted to; I really did, even though I’ve never been that forward or assertive. Of course, consistent with that statement, the cautious and tentative side of me pushed through to the surface and was resisting - irresistible as the feeling toward the stranger was.”

 

“Shit,” Zac whispered softly and disbelievingly, unable to fathom Scott being exactly the man he so often thought Scott could be.

 

“Anyway, I turned my head to look back at Mr Irrelevant but when I turned my attention back to the other side of the room a moment later, the other man was gone. Later at home when I was thinking about it, I thought, who knows, I was probably delusional and maybe the stranger wasn’t the man who was waiting for me at all. I was probably just caught up in all the odd feelings I was feeling from the original sense that someone wanted to be with me and love me. In essence, Zac, maybe I was just transferring those feelings onto the stranger.”

 

Zac said, “Well, I can’t say I’ve ever experienced the sense of someone waiting for me so they could love me but Scotty, I’ve always believed eventually some lucky bastard would reel in my best friend and never let him go. As for Mr Irrelevant, well, sometimes you have to protect your own sanity and walk away. Regarding the absolute intrigue you felt toward a stranger in a matter of seconds, that’s something I really can’t relate to. I’m assuming the guy must have been really fucking hot because if he wasn’t, I don’t get how someone you didn’t know and had never met, could capture your attention in so dramatic a manner and so quickly.”

 

“Well, even though I have to admit I only saw him in profile, I’ll be damned if in those few seconds, I wasn’t almost completely certain it was the most awesome profile of a man’s face I’ve ever seen,” Scott replied.

 

“Almost certain? Are you shitting me? I mean Scotty, you’re not telling me you’re not sure what he looked like?”

 

“As we’ve already covered, it was seconds as opposed to minutes, Zac. I told you, the guy was like a ghost. One moment he was there and the next moment he was gone. Even so, the feelings I felt in those seconds were beyond anything I’ve ever felt. So much so that I couldn’t help but associate the guy with what I had sensed moments before.

 

“Zac, I’ve seen irresistibly hot guys and thought, ‘fuck, I’d love to get my hands on that naked,’ however, the effect this guy had on me wasn’t about being naked. I didn’t see him up close and so I couldn’t say he was drop-dead fuckable. I know that at the time there was a huge sexual element to what was going on inside of me because I remember thinking momentarily, if we actually did meet and he was interested in me, I would’ve taken him home. It’s strange considering I didn’t even know if he was gay.

 

“The thing is, it was more a feeling I felt regarding him. It wasn’t a feeling I recognised from any man I’d ever had sex with. I felt kind of like time was not on my side. The idea he was the guy waiting for me meant I was meant to be with him and talking to him.”

 

“Fuck me dead, Scotty, please tell me you didn’t stay talking to Mr Irrelevant and that you went in search of the vanishing Mr Monumental?”

 

Scott grinned at the way Zac turned the term he had used to describe his feeling, into a name for the man who had vanished and then used it to differentiate between the two men from the party. He then replied, “Of course, Zac. My feelings were suddenly a priority and I excused myself from the salesman and searched the house, inside and out but he was gone.”

 

Zac queried, “Did you ask anyone who he was?”

 

“Yeah, of course I did. I asked everyone who was still standing in the vicinity of where he’d been but apparently no one else had even seen him and they all looked at me like I was strange. It made me feel like I was losing my mind.”

 

“Scotty, you’re not suggesting you actually saw a ghost?”

 

“No, of course not, Zac. Don’t be ridiculous.”

 

For a few moments Zac stared at Scott with a look of curiosity before he said, “Remind me again – when did this happen?”

 

“It was Saturday night, four weeks ago,” Scott said.

 

Zac’s expression became studious as he looked into some nonexistent distance. The moment Scott had said Saturday, four weeks ago; Zac knew where he had been in Louisiana. He knew the time difference between New Orleans and Sydney was seventeen hours and so assuming it was around nine at night in Sydney, he also knew it was four in the morning in New Orleans.

 

The memory came back easily because Zac had been standing on the balcony with Chad, not long after they had returned from partying late at a gay bar. It was just before they were going to go to bed. They were staring out at the city when suddenly Zac realised that even though he was there with Chad in body, he was not really there with him in mind. At the time Zac was thinking about Scott and vaguely seeing him in his mind’s eye. Zac was wondering what Scott was doing. He was also wishing Scott could be with him to see the view he was looking at.

 

Here and now, though, Zac was wondering if while he had been thinking about Scott in New Orleans, if Scott’s sense or feeling had taken place at the exact same moment in Sydney. It was a random thought but Zac liked the idea it could be true.

 

Scott said, “What are you thinking about?”

 

“Oh, nothing important, Scotty. I was just trying to remember where I was when you had the feelings and saw Mr Monumental.”

 

“Sorry if I’m boring you, Zac.”

 

“You’re not boring me, Scotty. Don’t be a dick. Anyway, why the fuck are you telling me a story that sounds like the beginning of a fairytale but ends up with an unhappily-ever-after conclusion after a few minutes? Scotty, that story sucks pus-seeping balls, big time.”

 

“Gross. Now there’s a picture to frame and stand in the open for everyone to look at. You really have a way with word pictures, Zac. Sucking pus-seeping balls? Ew, it makes me cringe and shudder. Anyway, in spite of the visual I agree with the conclusion but it didn’t end there, even though initially I thought it did.”

 

“You’re such a cock-head, Scotty. I hate the way you tell stories. Get on with it,” Zac said.

 

“Well, the story continues about a week later. You were still in the US of A having sex with that guy with the fetish for Australian Rules football players. Oh and by the way, don’t forget to tell me about that encounter. I want to hear all the details about your month with a redneck in Louisiana. Was he all hairy and unwashed and did he look like a hillbilly, forth born to his sister from Grandpa or Pa or one of the other men folk?”

 

“Yeah Scotty, that’s exactly what he was like and I sold you to him for a couple of pigs he had in the sty. Now shut the fuck up and get on with this story,” Zac said and rolled his eyes.

 

Scott laughed and said, “Okay. So anyway, I went to Centennial Park one afternoon, with no intentions or plans other than to just relax and wander around. It was a beautiful day and really peaceful. I walked around the entire circumference of the park and you know how huge it is. Ambling like I was, it took me hours.

 

“So at a certain point I was suddenly passing a group of people. They appeared to be having a family picnic. As I was randomly looking at them, out of the blue I saw a man without a shirt on. My whole attention was drawn to his tanned body but as I looked up to see the face that belonged to the body, I was struck by that profile again.”

 

“No shit? Now this is the sort of thing I wanted to hear. Did you approach him, meet him and fuck?”

 

“No.”

 

“No? Scotty, what the fuck?”

 

“Zac, it was like the patriarch, the matriarch and forty other family members. They were aged from about a week old to about seventy-years old. I wasn’t about to go sauntering into a family get-together, walk up to some hunk I didn’t know and say, ‘Hey Mate, I think you’re the bee’s knees, wanna put your cock in my mouth?’ Unlike you, Zac, I don’t only think with my cock.”

 

Scott did not notice but Zac’s eyes dropped down to the floor and he winced from the remark that suggested Scott thought he only thought with his cock. He lifted his head and as he looked back into Scott’s eyes, Zac quickly pushed the hurt deep into the back of his mind.

 

Zac said, “So you just called him a hunk. I’m assuming upon seeing him again, half naked and out in the sunlight, not only did you see his face but you got a much better and longer look at him?”

 

“Yeah I did get a better look at him, Zac. I sat down on the grass a distance away from their gathering and I watched him.”

 

“Did you feel the same feeling?”

 

“Not as intensely as at the party but he did bring the feelings back or maybe I just remembered them. Anyway, the afternoon was a pearler and so all he was wearing was shorts. I swear, Zac, he’s really handsome like you and he’s also got a body like yours. His big chest looked edible and I just wanted to whisk him away to kiss him and lick him and feast on his muscled flesh for the rest of my life.”

 

Though Zac once again showed no visible reaction, the unexpected knowledge that Scott thought he was handsome and had a good body and that he was comparing him to some man that Scott wanted to strip naked and kiss all over, surprised him.

 

“So what did you do, Scotty?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Nothing? I swear I’m about to beat the shit out of you. I want you to meet someone who’ll make you happy but when opportunities are right in front of you, you either don’t see them or you don’t take them. You piss me off and you’re impossibly irritating.”

 

“Jesus, Zac, get a grip. We all can’t be confident and hot, hunky studs like you. Not every guy is confident or comfortable enough to charge into the flames. A fire can entice with its warmth but it can also repel with its ability to burn.”

 

Zac rolled his eyes and shook his head at Scott’s lack of confidence, before his mind went to what Scott had said about him. Zac was stunned. He could not believe Scott had just called him a confident and hot and hunky stud. Zac knew he was good looking and he knew he was relatively confident as well. He even knew that lots of guys considered him a great lay and pretty damned hot, however, never in twenty years had he known that Scott categorised him in all of the ways he had said in the last few minutes.

 

As the thought consumed him, Zac wanted Scott to elaborate on how he viewed him and what he thought of him as a sexual being and a gay man. He wanted to know if Scott personally thought he was sexually attractive and if he was the type of man Scott would be interested in. The problem was that Zac felt the old obstruction of best friends that talked and shared and loved each other like brothers. Seeking those types of answers seemed inappropriate.

 

“So anyway, I sat there for nearly and hour just staring at him but he didn’t even glance in my direction. I swear he looked in every compass direction other than the one that led to me. Eventually I got irritated and I stood up and left.”

 

“And that’s it? This whole story and nothing came of it?”

 

“I thought so at the time but no that wasn’t it,” Scott replied.

 

Zac gave a huff of irritability and a roll of the eyes before he said with reasoned control, “So, what happened next.”

 

“Well, it was two weeks later or last Saturday, if you want a specific time frame. It was a really hot day and I decided to drive south of Sydney to the Sutherland National Park…”

 

Zac interrupted, “Were you alone again?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“You spend too much time alone, Scotty. You need a boyfriend or at least a friend with benefits. You need someone who’s up for sharing time with you and therefore joining you on your random adventures.”

 

“I don’t just need a boyfriend, I want one as well. The thing is, though, I certainly don’t want that friends with benefits shit in my life. I want a great friend and/or a great boyfriend but I certainly don’t want a second rate version of one or the other,” Scott said and looked out the window irritably.

 

“Yeah, Scotty, I do know that about you, it’s just that it’s frustrating knowing you’re always alone.”

 

“Zac, I know the things I need in my life, particularly now when the one person who used to always accompany me out and about, my best friend, now spends most of his free time picking up and fucking random guys all the time,” Scott said indignantly.

 

Zac’s eyes widened from the change of tone.

 

“It also doesn’t help when now he’s jet-setting off to the other side of the world for a month, just to fuck some random redneck he wrote to a couple times on the net.”

 

Zac felt a degree of anger from the pointed remark. Swiftly the emotion changed and he felt upset. Irritated, he said, “Scotty, you don’t get it, I mean you don’t understand... Ah fuck it, get on with the story.”

 

Following unleashing some buried emotions unexpectedly and yet feeling like he had made his point, Scott said a little bitterly, “Okay.” His internal dialogue instantly told him it was inappropriate and so feeling a little guilty, he took a deep breath and continued.

 

“Well, I didn’t end up stopping in the National Park and instead I drove farther south toward Wollongong. I then remembered something and I decided to go to the blowhole at Kiama. I remembered going there with you and my parents when we were about twelve. I always remembered how the ocean waves rushed in, filled the cave and then shot out through the hole at the top like a great saltwater fountain.”

 

In spite of feeling unsettled by Scott’s remarks, Zac recalled the day immediately and he smiled.

 

“By the time I got there, though, it was getting really hot and so I changed my mind again. I didn’t even stop and I ended up going to a beach nearby. There were quite a lot of people on the beach so I walked around onto the rocks and found myself this great spot. You know I’ve always got a bag in the back of my car with Speedo, towel and general beach stuff and so I settled down, relaxed, baked my body and swam in some beautiful water. It was awesome, I was having a great day and I couldn’t have been happier.”

 

“Holy shit, you’re not going to tell me Mr Monumental was there as well? That’s close on an hour south of Sydney.”

 

“I sure am, Zac,” Scott replied and a big smile crossed his face.

 

The smile was about Scott feeling pleased he could surprise Zac, however, when Zac saw Scott’s smile, he felt the degree to which he was in two minds. He really did want Scott to find happiness with a good, kind and loving man. It seemed Scott had been alone for so long and Zac could often see the loneliness in Scott’s eyes. There was no one Zac cared about like he cared about Scott and so he always tried to push Scott into going out. He wanted Scott to pick up guys for sex or maybe even for the chance of meeting someone who could become someone special.

 

More so in that moment more than any other time during this story, Zac felt his emotions truly beginning to stir. The problem for Zac was that he loved his friend in a way he felt was pointless. For a long time after the night they came out to each other, when he had offered to take Scott to bed but was denied, Zac had waited while hoping that Scott would eventually say yes.

 

Five years ago Zac thought it would be just a matter of time but now time had become an obstruction. As the years past, Zac watched as Scott hooked up with other guys, even if only occasionally. Regardless, Scott had never taken up his offer and Zac took it as a message that Scott was not attracted to him. It was the reason why Zac had been surprised on hearing the complimentary things Scott said earlier. Eventually, as the years continued to roll by, Zac decided that the undying nature and closeness of their friendship should not be risked.

 

The truth was that Zac loved him and wanted to be the one. He wanted to be the special man and he wanted finally, after so many years of desiring, to hold Scott naked against his naked body. In that moment, though Zac held high hopes for Scott, he also associated the smile with the man. The realness of the smile instigated resentment toward the man and caused Zac to feel an extreme sense of jealousy.

 

As a consequence of how he was feeling, Zac said kind of abruptly, “So – spit it out and don’t leave out any details.”

 

“We were, believe it or not, around four metres apart. There was a large rock between us and we were completely unaware the other was even there. I can only assume that when I was laying down sunbaking, he was going for a swim and vice versa. I guess we kept missing each other.”

 

“How fucking big was this rock that it kept you hidden from each other?”

 

“It was a huge, sort of oval or egg shaped rock, which I suppose you’d call a boulder. It was lying on its side but it was about three metres in height. Its width was easily three metres as well but its length was between three and four metres. It was a big fucker,” Scott explained.

 

“So you kept missing each other? Sounds like a repeating theme to this story,” Zac said.

 

“Yeah, at least up until that afternoon,” Scott replied.

 

“Are you telling me you finally met that day?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Wonders never cease,” Zac said sarcastically.

 

“A couple of hours after I arrived we actually collided with each other when we both stood up and walked around the front of the rock to go for a swim. The afternoon was winding down but it was still really hot and so even though there were a lot less people around because of the time, neither of us had any plans of leaving any time soon.

 

“We looked at each other and apologised to each other for not being more careful and then walked the same line to go take a dip. We kept glancing at each other and smiling at each other and all I could think was if he knew it was the third time I’d seen him and the third time I’d imagined him naked, he probably would have been running for his life.”

 

It suddenly occurred to Zac that this story seemed unending. The crux of the story was about a man but he did not seem like just any man. The feeling Zac was experiencing was like the man could be the real thing. Zac grit his teeth from the thought but continued to stare at Scott like everything was perfectly normal.

 

“We stood next to each other and stared at the water we were about to enter. We dived synchronously into the sea and rose up to the surface at the same time. We waded next to each other and talked about the weather, the location and that both of us were from Sydney. He swam out into the much deeper water some time later and I made my way back onto the rocks and went back to my towel. I wanted to sit there and watch him swimming but I thought if he saw me ogling him, he’d think I was some sicko perve and so I laid down and sunbaked.”

 

“Fuck, Scotty, when a guy is gay and you’re attracted to him, I can promise you he wants you to look at him and he won’t think you’re a sicko perve. What he’ll think is, ‘Excellent, this guy’s attracted to me and maybe something can happen.’ Scotty, in that situation you keep looking at him but just don’t let your tongue hang out of your mouth like a thirsty and desperate dog. That’s when he might think you’re a sicko perve,” Zac explained and chuckled.

 

“I understand that but you need to understand that I still didn’t know if he was gay. Anyway, it was maybe about ten minutes later when I knew a shadow had cast over me and then I felt water drip on me. I opened my eyes to see this tall, dark and handsome hunk looking down at me. He gave me this devastating smile and asked if I’d mind if he joined me?”

 

Once again pushing his true feelings aside, Zac said, “Scotty, I’m begging you, please tell me you said yes and that you didn’t shrivel up or recoil into your insecure hole?”

 

“Yeah Zac, I said yes. In a way he reminded me of you, except for his black as opposed to your blonde hair but whatever the case, I felt comfortable with him like I do with you.”

 

Zac looked at Scott and though he was now beginning to hate on this stranger, he smiled immediately and said, “So what happened next?”

 

“We talked, Zac. We talked like you and I talk. We talked and we talked and we talked until everything else faded. Then suddenly we both sort of looked up and realised the sun had set and the light was fading. We jumped to our feet and looked around and realised all the people were gone and the beach was empty. We shuffled about and got dressed and gathered our things but just before we left, he asked me if I was hungry and if I wanted to grab a bite to eat with him.

 

“I said yes because not only was I hungry but I really wanted to spend more time talking to him. I followed him back to Sydney and we went to this little café restaurant in the city. For the whole day it had been like our minds were in sync and then to emphasise that at the restaurant, we looked up from the menu at each other and said, ‘Apricot Chicken.’ It was a little spooky.

 

“We continued to talk for the whole time we were eating and it seemed like the perfect afternoon was continuing into a perfect night. After we ate I asked him if rather than having coffee at the café, if he’d like to come back to my place for coffee. He agreed without even stopping to think or question.”

 

Part of Zac wanted to ask questions about what Scott and the stranger had talked about but at the same time, he knew he really did not want to hear or want to know.

 

“When we got to my place, I told him I needed to shower and offered for him to shower before me if he wanted to. He told me that he’d love to shower but that he’d prefer it even more if he could shower with me. I swear, Zac, I could have been bowled over with a feather.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Probably because even though I was really attracted to him and couldn’t stop thinking about being naked with him, well, it just seemed inconceivable to me that someone so hot could be interested in me,” Scott explained.

 

Not angry but almost, Zac said, “Fucking hell, Scotty, how many times do I have to tell you that you’re hot and more than that, you’re deserving? What the fuck do I have to do or say to get you to accept that?”

 

In that moment a few things became absolutely clear within Scott’s mind. The first was that from the night of the party to the night of the shower, the man reminded him of Zac. Except for his facial appearance and hair colour, the man was practically Zac’s doppelganger. The second was that meeting the man had brought to the surface how he really felt about Zac. The third was that with Zac’s return today, he was now looking at Zac differently. Subsequently, the first answer to Zac’s question that went through Scott’s mind was, “Tell me you love me and then take me to bed.”

 

Irrespective of what was becoming even more prominent to Scott as he continued his story, he avoided the truth and instead he said, “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter how I see myself because I agreed and we showered together.”

 

“Good,” Zac said.

 

“It was good. In fact, it was really nice,” Scott replied.

 

Even though Zac believed he knew what the answer would be, still he asked, “Was it a hot and wet and dirty shower?”

 

“Regardless of the fact we both had raging bones from the moment we got naked and stepped beneath the water, he actually soaped me up and then washed me in the most sensuous way. I thought I had to do the same to him, which of course I did. Then, after we both rinsed off, he pulled me into his arms against him and we kissed. It was like I imagine two men would kiss when they were deeply in love. It was what I always wanted to feel and I couldn’t have been happier,” Scott said but his eyes gave away that there was something he was not saying.

 

Zac’s facial expression changed as he looked hard at Scott and asked, “But?”

 

“I kept seeing your face and your body. I kept wishing he was you and that it was your kisses and your erection and that you’d ravish me and fuck me right there beneath the water,” Scott thought, as he stared at the carpet.

 

Scott slowly lifted his eyes to look at Zac. In that moment he wanted to say what he was thinking but as his eyes locked onto Zac’s eyes, he replied, “I don’t know, Zac, it was just in that moment, in spite of the man I consider myself to be and regardless that love and tenderness with the man of my dreams was what I’ve always imagined and wished for, well, mindless sex with him seemed more important to me than making love.”

 

Even though Zac had expected Scott would have said no to a dirty shower, he certainly had not expected the words mindless sex to leave Scott’s mouth. This answer shocked him and in need of clarification he asked, “You - you wanted mindless sex?”

 

“Um, yeah. I mean his body was taut and muscled and tanned all over. Every curve and defined shape was shining under the falling water, as it reflected the overhead light. He had what I perceived as a really handsome and desirable cock. It was so stiff and thick and wet and I just wanted to drop to my knees to kiss it and lick it and then devour it.”

 

As he continued to look into Zac’s eyes, Scott thought, “The truth is I decided I only wanted mindless sex with him because you’re the man I want to make love to me.”

 

Unbeknownst to Scott, Zac’s cock had attempted to grow into a raging bone in his shorts with every word of Scott’s descriptive shower. In its flaccid state, though, it had dropped down into an unfortunate position and now his balls, his underwear and his shorts were making it impossible for his cock to rise to all its glory. Even so, it was uncomfortably hard.

 

The detailed description given by Scott was a moving picture in Zac’s mind. The only difference was that Scott was not in the shower with some random man; Scott was in the shower with him. The description of the man was essentially a description of him. True or not, it sounded to Zac like Scott was describing his body.

 

Playing Australian Rules football for most of his life had given Zac a pretty awesome body. At twenty-four, Zac had a very fit, taut, muscled and strong body and additionally, Zac loved to go to nude beaches and get his entire kit off. His cock and balls and arse were all as brown as the rest of his body and there were no tan lines on him anywhere. Now what Scott had said earlier about Zac being a handsome, hot hunk with a great body, helped to direct the images in his mind to be more personally suitable. He did have one curiosity, though.

 

“Scotty, was he cut or uncut?”

 

“Cut,” Scott replied.

 

“Just like me,” Zac thought in a hopeful way, even though he believed nothing could ever happen with his best friend.

 

“Let me guess, Scotty. You lost your nerve and you didn’t drop to your knees and you didn’t have wild sex with him in the shower, did you.”

 

“No, I didn’t but it wasn’t because I lost my nerve. We dried off and then we went to my bedroom and he told me he wanted to make love to me.”

 

Zac felt a sudden confusion fill him. He wanted to hear that Scott had gotten down with the guy but at the same time, he did not want to hear that the guy had made love to Scott. The problem was that as much as he wanted to find out that Scott and this guy had hooked up, as well as that the end of this story would lead to the knowledge Scott was finally having sex with a man; Zac was now innately disturbed that some hot man had made love to Scott.

 

Instantly Zac became aware of his hypocrisy and so he pushed the feelings away. Immediately giving priority to his thoughtful nature, he asked, “Was it good for you, Scotty?”

 

“Yeah, Zac, it was. The sex was really good and he stayed the night and throughout Sunday, right up until Sunday night. We had sex so many times I can’t even tell you how many times. On Sunday afternoon we lay naked right here on this lounge and watched the movie, ‘Shelter’ and he held me in his arms against his chest. His cock was hard against my arse the whole time and every few minutes he kept squeezing me in his embrace and kissing my neck or the side of my face. Even so, we still watched the entire movie and he didn’t try to have sex with me.”

 

Zac’s eyes flicked instantly to the cushions of the lounge. Scott had described everything so specifically that Zac could literally picture it happening. The tension in his entire body grew and then with both anger and jealousy he thought, “He had you like that and didn’t do anything? A lost opportunity, the guy’s a moron.”

 

“In a way I sort of felt like he could’ve been made for me,” Scott said.

 

Instantly, Zac stood up abruptly and said, “I need to take a piss, just give me a minute” and he walked out of the room.

 

Scott nodded and smiled at Zac but as he walked away, Scott’s eyes did not fall away from staring at the shape of Zac’s body. He gazed at the tanned balls of Zac’s shoulders, as well as the muscled arms protruding from the sleeveless, Australian Rules football guernsey. He looked at the broad cut from shoulder to shoulder and the width of his large, upper body that curved down to his waist. He allowed his eyes to take in the sight of the perfect shape of Zac’s butt and then he looked down at the powerful thighs of his best friends long legs. He then felt a slight sense of disappointment when Zac disappeared through the doorway.

 

When Zac stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, he turned around and glared at his jealous eyes in the mirror. He reached down into his shorts and grabbed the twisted meat that was still trying to become a complete erection. He lifted it vertical, as was its desire. Instantly more blood rushed into his cock and transformed it into a very desirable erection. He sighed with relief as he leaned back against the bathroom door and stroked it for a few moments.

 

During that time, as he stared enviously at the shower recess, Zac wanted to strip off all of his clothing. The picture of Scott’s story was still in his mind but it was his naked Scotty with him and not with someone else. As he imagined crushing Scott against his naked body and his large arms wrapped around him, Zac wanted to jerk his hard cock and shoot a huge load all over the bathroom.

 

Instead, he let go of his cock, focused on the pain he felt on the day the guy from the Serpents had kneed him in the thigh, giving him a cork that put him out of the game. It was only a few months ago but the memory of the pain and the thought that the next time they played, that prick was in for a world of hurt, was an angry enough distraction to cause his erection to deflate. He then walked to the toilet and took the piss he really did need to take.

 

After flushing, he walked to the basin and as he washed his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror. When he arrived back in Sydney that morning, he had full intentions of going straight to Scott’s home. Instead, he went home because he wanted to change into his current clothes. There was only one reason, which was Scott always told him he looked great in his football guernsey and shorts. Zac knew how the outfit showed off his body and so like a man wearing cologne to attract someone, he often wore the outfit hoping it might attract Scott.

 

His eyes moved upwards until he glared at them in the mirror. His eyes showed a man in deep thought.

 

“Why don’t you just tell him? Why don’t you just do it? Just go out there, walk up to him, pull him into your arms and say something like, ‘Scotty, I love you, I want you and I want to…’

 

Zac’s eyes closed forcefully as he stopped one thought process in favour of another.

 

“Because you can’t, that’s why and you know it. You’ve been given a friendship like no other. He’d push you out of the way of a bus and die for you. When we were young he lied to keep you out of trouble at school. He took the blame that day you got caught steeling that chocolate bar from the shop when you were twelve. He told the shopkeeper he took it and slid it into your pocket as a joke. He’s always been there and is still always there when you question or doubt yourself. He lifts you back up above the storms you create in your mind.

 

“Scotty was there when you didn’t get picked by the Sydney Swans Academy to become a professional player. He made you see that as important as it was to you, it wasn’t the end of the world. He was right and that’s why you’re still playing all these years later, even if only as an amateur. When you let yourself fall in love with Jackson three years ago, only to find out Jackson was just using you; Scotty came rushing to your side and looked after you and supported you until you crawled out of that dark, emotional hole.

 

“You know all of these things are the reasons why you can’t let your selfish desires fuck-up what you’ve got with him. He’s the brother you never had, he’s your mate beyond anyone else and no matter how much you think you’re in love with him and no matter how much you want him, you just can’t take the chance on throwing away twenty years. You know he’s never shown you any sign that he’ll ever take you up on the offer you made at nineteen.

 

“Wake up you idiot, he’s not sexually attracted to you. You know that’s why you keep hooking up with all the guys you hook up with. You know it’s why you wasted all that money flying to the States and going to Louisiana, only to meet another guy who didn’t want what you want. Maybe someday you’ll meet a nice guy and fall in love but you can’t kill this friendship, simply because you want something else that might not work out at all. Now fucking let it go, get back out there and be the friend for Scotty that he always is for you.”

 

“Damn, I needed that piss,” Zac said as he walked back into the living room. “If you didn’t take a decade to tell a story, my bowel wouldn’t have almost burst. Okay, so where were we up to?”

 

Scott chuckled and said, “Sunday.”

 

Zac said, “By the way, what’s this guy’s name?”

 

“Nathan - Nate,” Scott replied.

 

“Okay, so unless you’ve got an hours worth of detail you want to tell me, then I want to know right now, are you boyfriends?”

 

“No,” Scott said.

 

“Why the fuck not. From what you just told me about spending almost the entire weekend together, most of it naked and having sex, not to mention the way he was holding you and everything else, it sounded like he was everything you’ve been wishing for since you were a teenager,” Zac said.

 

“Not everything I’ve been wishing for,” Scott replied softly.

 

“What, he wasn’t made from gold and fairy dust? Fuck, Scotty, you’ve got to stop looking for the impossible and start working with the plausible.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Scott said.

 

“You’re the one who wanted to tell me the story,” Zac replied.

 

“Yeah and that’s the end of it. Now tell me about the hillbilly from the deep south,” Scott said.

 

Zac shook his head and said, “Alright but this conversation is not over and we’re coming back to it. Like it or not, Scotty, you told me you expected me to crash here tonight so we could talk a lot more and so one way or another, I’ll get the answer out of you.”

 

“Whatever, Zac. So, did you get all hot and sweaty down on the Bayou?”

 

Zac laughed and replied, “Though I don’t doubt that the Bayou and hillbilly stereotypes you’re alluding to do exist, the Deep South encompasses a large area and that wasn’t where I was. I was in New Orleans, which is a city, not quite in the style of Sydney but it’s a huge city nonetheless. As for the guy, he was a normal guy, well; normal enough but he really did have a fetish for Aussie Rules footballers.”

 

Scott said while laughing, “Really?”

 

“Scotty, there’s so much Aussie Rules being played all over America, even though most of the natives don’t even know what it is. From the north to the south and from the east to the west there are teams in so many states it shocked me. Hell, from Massachusetts to New York and North Carolina and also from Texas and Arizona to California, men and women are playing the game all over that country. There not professional teams like in Australia but the best players from the teams in each state get picked for the more professional team and they play for the USA against all the teams around the world. I knew it was a growing worldwide sport but I didn’t realise how many Americans had taken to it. He even told me many of the Universities have Aussie Rules teams as well.

 

“What was really amusing to me was that this guy, when he has the time, he travels all over the country to watch the different teams and tries to find players that are gay or straight players that he can manipulate. He told me he’s hooked-up with quite a few. It really is a fetish for him.

 

“His name is Chad and he had me laughing my arse off when he told me the stories of picking up American, Aussie Rules footballers. Honestly, Scotty, the risks he takes for some Aussie Rules football cock is outrageous. His fetish is just as consuming to him as some guys who love leather or those guys who love metal rods joining their cocks together via the urethra. Fuck, what’s it called? It’s got a name, I just can’t think of it at the moment but it’ll come to me,” Zac said while trying to remember.

 

“Sounds painful,” Scott said.

 

“That’s it! It’s called ‘Sounding’ or Urethral Sounding. Apparently it’s not painful though,” Zac replied.

 

Scott asked, “Shit, how big is the metal rod?”

 

“From what I’ve seen on the Internet, I think there’s different lengths and different thicknesses. I think it depends on the guy and also on how experienced they are. Some guys do it to themselves alone but others like to be with another guy and they slide it in their cocks until the heads kiss. It’s pretty amazing to see, at least it was for me but I doubt I could do it,” Zac explained.

 

“Okay. Anyway, back to your hairy hillbilly,” Scott said and laughed.

 

“He’s not a hillbilly and he wasn’t hairy. Well, certainly not overly hirsute,” Zac replied.

 

“I know these days it’s the fad that men have to have hair all over their bodies but I still prefer a guy with less than more and I really like a smooth chest and crotch. I hate getting a mouthful of hair when I go down on a guy. The last thing I want to be thinking about is picking pubis out of my teeth,” Scott said and laughed.

 

Zac laughed as well and said, “Well, I still shave down stairs and it has nothing to do with the pathetic myth that guys only do it because it makes their cocks look bigger. Mine looks the same whether I’m bushed up or smooth. Anyway, I only do it because I prefer how it feels for me. I like the silky smooth feeling of my balls when a guy wraps his lips around them or runs his tongue all over my crotch. It just doesn’t feel as good to me when the guys tongue licks over my bush, as it does when the tongue licks over my smooth skin.”

 

“Yeah, I think the same,” Scott replied.

 

Instantly, Scott suddenly noticed the way they were talking about sex. He could not remember a time when they had spoken like this to each other but then he recalled talking about Nate in the shower and on the lounge. He thought it felt good to talk so openly to Zac in this way but then he glanced down at the carpet in case his expression was giving anything away.

 

“I think we’ve gotten slightly off track,” Zac said with a big grin.

 

“Urethral sounding and body grooming? Yeah, maybe just a little bit off track,” Scott said and grinned back.

 

“Well, Chad had a hairy chest but it wasn’t like a fur coat. It was nice. He also groomed downstairs but he left a short patch around everything so that he wasn’t completely smooth. He was fairly well hung though.”

 

Scott asked, “Do you like big cocks?”

 

“Damn, I can’t believe we’ve known each other for as long as we have and that we’re both gay and yet we’ve never talked about some of this stuff. Most gay friends discuss this shit when they’re teenagers or when they meet and are getting to know each other. I wonder why we’ve never talked about this stuff before?”

 

“I guess we’ve just never gotten around to it. We talk about lots of other stuff. We’ve always got something to talk about,” Scott said.

 

“Yeah I know but Scotty, we’re both gay and the closest of friends and yet you don’t know what I like sexually where guys are concerned. Just by asking me if I like big cocks, I realised I don’t know what you like either? I mean we’ve talked about lovers but we’ve never talked about the sexual aspects. Shit, by comparison, the graphicness of what we’ve talked about in the last few minutes proves this is the first time you and I have talked like this in all the time we’ve known each other.”

 

“Yeah, I know, I just noticed that a while ago. I guess that with the amount of guys you’ve been fucking in recent times, I’ve just assumed size doesn’t matter to you. I mean, unless you walk up to these guys and say that you want to have sex with them unless they’ve got gigantic cocks or tiny cocks, I really didn’t think anything like that mattered to you.”

 

Zac chuckled and replied, “Of course things matter to me. My preference is for average size but that’s about blowjobs. Outside of blowjobs I don’t care about the size because I’m a top. Unlike what you’ve seen or been reading on the Internet, not every guy wants to suck on monster cocks and not every guy wants to be fucked by monster cocks. That’s one of the big façades created by the porn industry. Most guys don’t want to gag until tears run out of their eyes or have a cock shoved down their throat until they can’t breathe. If I had my choice, the guy I was with would have the perfect cock for my mouth. Fill it but don’t kill it, you know?”

 

“Fill it but don’t kill it,” Scott repeated and burst into laughter.

 

For some reason that simple six-word phrase amused Scott so much, he laughed until he could barely breathe. When he looked up from being keeled over, tears were running down his cheeks from laughing so hard.

 

Zac did not quite see the humour but he was wide-eyed and laughing at Scott’s reaction. When he saw the tears of laughter he said, “Did you just deep throat a monster while I wasn’t looking?”

 

Scott was wiping his eyes when Zac’s comment caused him to lose his shit again and he almost rolled onto the floor laughing. When he finally pulled himself together and sat up, Zac was looking at him with amusement.

 

“Holy shit, stop making me laugh and get on with your story about the pig-fucking hillbilly.”

 

“He wasn’t a hillbilly or into bestiality and in fact he was a really nice guy,” Zac replied.

 

“Whatever, get on with it,” Scott said.

 

“We slept together every night and he wanted me to fuck him a lot but other then that, he showed me around New Orleans, we became friends and I’m going to stay in touch with him. As I said, he was a nice guy.”

 

“Why didn’t you try and make something happen with him. I mean I know you like fucking every hot guy you can get your hands on but…”

 

Zac cut Scott off before he could finish and said curtly, “You know, Scotty, it amazes me how after twenty years, you still don’t really know me. You keep making me out to be a slut and that all I think about is cock and fucking but you know what? You’re wrong.”

 

Scott looked back at Zac shocked by his tone of voice but he said, “Well, if that’s the case, why to you pick up guys all the time and why would you fly all the way to America to have sex with a guy you don’t really know?”

 

“Scotty, Chad and I have been emailing for nearly a year. We’d gotten close because we talked about a lot of personal things and we gave each other advice about stuff that was bothering us. I didn’t just write about sex until I got hard and decided I wanted to fuck some American arse or ass as they call it. Sometimes you make me feel like you have such a low opinion of me and like you don’t know me at all.”

 

“You used to talk to me about things that were bothering you. Why couldn’t you talk to me and why did you need Chad when I’ve always been here for you.”

 

“Scotty, you and I are more alike than you know but there are some things that I just can’t say to you because… Well because I just can’t.”

 

“I trust you with everything,” Scott said.

 

“Well maybe you’re better than me. I trust you with ninety-nine point nine percent of things but there is one… I mean there are some things I just can’t talk to you about.”

 

Scott said while sounding offended, “Like what?”

 

“Answering that question would sort of defeat my reasoning,” Zac replied.

 

Scott looked at Zac like he had been really hurt and then glanced out the window.

 

“Scotty, don’t get all hurt and pissed off with me. There’s no one I care about more than you. There’s no one I would do anything for, like I would for you. I’m not trying to replace you with Chad. Scotty, you’re my friend and I love you but everyone in this world has a deep, hidden place inside of them; a place where their biggest fears and their greatest taboos are locked away. Once in a blue moon we might take them out and share them with some stranger, someone who can’t hurt us with the knowledge but generally, we all keep them locked away from those people closest to us. It’s a type of security or self-protection against the chance of having them used against us.”

 

“You know everything about me,” Scott said.

 

“No, I don’t,” Zac replied.

 

“Yes, you do,” Scott said.

 

Zac stood up and walked across to the lounge and sat down right beside Scott. He turned his body so he was facing Scott and he grabbed Scott’s upper arms and turned Scott toward him. He looked deep into Scott’s eyes and said, “Look me directly in the eyes.”

 

Scott looked into Zac’s eyes and said, “Okay, so?”

 

“Don’t look away. Now tell me that there isn’t at least one thing deep inside of you that you’ve never been able to tell me.”

 

As Scott stared into Zac’s eyes, all he could think was that he was finally certain he was in love with the man in front of him. He then wished that Zac would hold him in an embrace, instead of only holding his arms with his hands. He broke the visual connection and looked away before he said, “Okay, there is one thing but there’s a good reason.”

 

“Scotty, it’s okay and I don’t need you to tell me what it is, as much as I’d love to know. I just want you to accept that because there’s something I haven’t told you, it doesn’t mean I love you any less or that someone else is more important to me than you.”

 

“You mean it?”

 

“I do. Scotty, Chad’s a nice guy but in the large scheme of my life, he doesn’t really mean that much to me. We’re acquaintances moving toward friends but he resides in another country on the other side of the world and so for now, at least, there’s nothing he could do with the information I talked to him about and so there’s no way he could effect my life in a detrimental fashion with what he knows.”

 

“I understand Zac but I’d never do anything to hurt you with anything you felt inside.”

 

“I know Scotty and I love you for it but let’s just leave it at that and move on. Please don’t push me on this.”

 

Scott leaned forward, pulled Zac into an embrace and said, “If that’s what you need, Zac.”

 

With his head on Scott’s shoulder and his face hidden from his eyes, Zac grimaced, as he allowed the feeling of Scott’s body against him and their arms around each other, to fill him with warmth and love. All these real feelings were the reason why Zac was attempting to be detached and put some distance between them. A short time later, Zac gently broke the embrace and he stood up and walked back to the chair where he sat safe and alone.

 

Scott smiled at Zac and asked, “Would you like another mango juice?”

 

“Yeah, Scotty, I’d love one,” Zac replied and watched him leave the room.

 

The moment Scott was out of view, Zac grabbed yet another erection in his shorts and adjusted it for more comfort. He also wanted to make sure there was no bulge that would give the truth away. He felt really horny and wished he could bust a nut but that would have to wait for another time. He believed keeping his secret was for the best and the sensible thing to do.

 

Calling loudly to Scott in the kitchen, Zac said, “Scotty, the way you talked about Nate in your story, he sounded handsome and like he had a beautiful body. It sounded like he was good in bed and he also sounded like a really nice guy. From what I know of what you’re looking for in a man, he sounded like he had all your boxes ticked. I want to know what was wrong with Nate and why the two of you didn’t hit it off and why you didn’t take what you had further?”

 

The loud noise of a glass shattering and then smashing into what sounded like a million pieces, followed by Scott screaming, “Fuck it,” filled the entire house. Zac jumped to his feet instantly and was running, scared that Scott had been hurt or was bleeding. When Zac reached the kitchen doorway, he stopped and looked at Scott who was perfectly fine but saw that he had dropped one of the glasses of mango juice and made a huge mess.

 

It had been the shock of the question and the true answer of why Scott and Nate were not together, which had been such an unexpected distraction it had caused Scott to drop the glass. Trying not to look like there was anything else wrong, Scott said, “I’m such a dumb arse, it’s okay. I just have to clean all this shit up. Here, take mine and go and sit back down.”

 

Zac began to step into the room to help but Scott said, “Don’t come in, you’re barefoot and I don’t want you to cut your feet.”

 

“You’re barefoot too, Scotty, so shut up and let me help you. Throw me that dustpan and brush that you’ve got over there. I’ll get the glass and you wipe up the juice and we’ll have it all cleaned up in no time at all.”

 

“Zac, no, you don’t have to.”

 

“Really? I thought this was my only purpose in life. I thought it was the reason I was born. Scotty, are you telling me that helping you would be a waste of my purpose in life?”

 

“Don’t be a smartarse, Zac.”

 

“Well then, don’t be a martyr, Scotty.”

 

“I wasn’t. I was just…”

 

“Scotty, just throw me the fucking dustpan.”

 

It took over twenty minutes of work, as they tried to locate all the tiny shards of broken glass and sweep them up. At one point Scott was holding the fridge on an angle so Zac could sweep glass from beneath it. Then when they were almost done, Zac remarked that the floor was super sticky and so they filled the sink with soapy hot water to wash it.

 

Zac asked, “Where do you keep your mop?”

 

“I don’t have a mop.”

 

“How can you not have a mop? Everyone with a floor has a mop,” Zac said flabbergasted.

 

“I never got around to buying one,” Scott replied.

 

“For fuck’s sake, Scotty. We can’t leave it like this or no one will ever be able to walk into your kitchen again. People will get stuck like bugs in amber. Have you got some washcloths or old rags? We’ll have to get on our hands and knees.”

 

“Zac, you don’t have to.”

 

“I think we’ve already had this conversation so give me something to wash the floor,” Zac said firmly.

 

Scott turned around and bent down and opened a cupboard. He pulled out several old rags and then dropped them into the water in the sink. Filling them with soapy water, he turned and threw two onto the floor and as they hit and splat, he looked at Zac and said, “Will they fill your requirements, Your Highness?”

 

Zac rolled his eyes and then dragged his guernsey off and threw it out the door. He dropped down onto his knees, grabbed one of the soapy rags and started washing the floor. Scott stared at Zac’s shirtless body and though he thought his body looked amazing, more than that, he thought it looked irresistible. It had been a while since he had seen Zac without his shirt on and instantly Scott wanted to touch him.

 

“When you’re finished with the floor, Cinderella, you can sweep out the chimney and clean out the fireplace.”

 

Zac turned his head and looked up at Scott. The look on his face was not amused and he said, “First up, I said I’d help you, Scotty, I didn’t say I do it for you. Secondly, you don’t have a chimney or a fireplace and thirdly, my name is not Cinderella, you’re not my evil stepmother and if you don’t get your arse down here and pick up that rag and start cleaning, I’ll use the clothes you’re wearing to wash the fucking floor while you’re still wearing them.”

 

Scott laughed, knelt down and picked up the second rag. He started washing the floor on the opposite side of the kitchen, expecting he would meet Zac in the middle. In less than five minutes he was sweating and he realised why Zac had taken off his guernsey. He took off his t-shirt as well and threw it up onto the bench and then continued washing the floor.

 

Needing more soapy water in his rag, Zac threw it over to Scott and said, “Can you rinse that and throw it back to me?”

 

Scott turned and looked at the rag like it was an extra job he did not need to be doing but he stood up and rinsed both. As he turned back around with the rags dripping warm water, he discovered Zac looking at him and grinning.

 

Scott said, “What?”

 

“Nothing really, it’s just that you’d make a good slave the way you follow orders and do what you’re told to do, Scotty.”

 

Scott smiled, knelt down and as he turned to Zac again, he threw the rag straight into Zac’s face. It fell to the floor and Zac’s face was covered in soapsuds. Scott burst into laughter and stared at the astonished look on Zac’s Santa Claus looking face.

 

“You little shit! I can’t believe you just did that,” Zac said.

 

Scott snorted and replied, “Sorry, Zac, it just seemed at that moment that somehow you deserved it.”

 

As Zac glared at him, Scott picked up his rag and started scrubbing the floor again. For the next fifteen minutes, the men continued to clean the kitchen floor, one or the other standing to wash out the rags. Zac was the last to stand up and do the rinsing and with the job almost complete, he knew it was time for his revenge. When the rags were clean and all full of warm, soapy water, with one in each hand, he swiftly dropped down next to Scott and brought both rags to Scott’s body, one on his back and one on his chest. He rubbed both in small circles in opposite directions, laughing loudly as he said, “Wax on, wax off.”

 

“You arsehole,” Scott yelled and then looked down at his body that was covered in bubbling suds.

 

Zac stood back up, immersed the rags in the water again, suspecting he may need some protection if Scott decided he would lash out. Before Zac even had the chance to pull his hands out of the water, Scott was beside him and reaching into the sink for one of the several rags he had dropped into it. He grabbed a handful of the sodden material and then suddenly it was on.

 

Unexpectedly there was an entire rag on Zac’s head and then there was another down his shorts against his butt. In response, a rag was being twisted in Scott’s face and while he was pulling away and gasping for air, a scooped handful and more of the water in the sink, flew up and hit Scott and instantly the whole front of his body was soaked.

 

“You prick,” Scott bellowed and he grabbed a coffee cup that was drying on the sink and the next moment the liquid contents collided with Zac’s face. Scott put the cup down and reached for another rag but just as he was about to lift it out of the water, two hands with two rags were approaching but before he could move away, Zac’s arms were around Scott’s body and Scott was against Zac’s chest. The first hand slammed into the top of Scott’s back and the water was squeezed and rubbed all over him. Then the second hand hit and just like Scott had done to him, Zac slid his hand inside Scott’s shorts but started scrubbing his butt like it needed a bath.

 

Zac was laughing hysterically when all of a sudden, he realised Scott was not moving and had stopped laughing. Initially Zac thought Scott was about to hit back but then completely out of context with what was happening, Zac felt Scott’s face pressed against his chest. A second later he felt Scott’s arms tighten around him and his hands tenderly sliding down his back.

 

Zac dropped the rags he was still holding and they hit the floor with another splat. This was everything he wanted but it was so unexpected and intellectually it seemed somehow wrong. Unconsciously his arms embraced and then his fingers touched and caressed Scott’s back. However, when his heart started pounding and he thought, “But this is my friend,” Zac pulled away and stopped what was happening.

 

With his arms still slightly outstretched, Scott looked at Zac in disbelief, and then he watched as Zac walked out of the kitchen, leaving him alone without a word. Scott felt devastated and he believed he had done the wrong thing. He now knew he loved Zac and he wanted him to be his boyfriend but now it seemed he may have just destroyed their friendship with one stupid decision.

 

Kneeling down, Scott took the next ten minutes to finish the floor and clean up all the water that was everywhere. He admonished himself for the entire time it took to finish.  When the kitchen was finally sparkling clean, he picked up his shirt from the bench and decided it was time to find Zac and apologise.

 

Zac was not in the living room when Scott left the kitchen and so he headed to see where he was. Just as he stepped into the hallway, the bathroom door opened and Zac walked out, showered, dried and dressed in dry shorts he had borrowed from Scott’s bedroom. Zac looked at Scott, gave him a big smile like nothing had happened and then said, “Take a shower, Scotty, you’ll feel so much better if you do. I’ll see you back at the lounge when you’re done.”

 

Scott did not say a word and he simply watched as Zac walked passed him and left him standing alone. Confused, Scott entered the bathroom and did exactly what Zac had told him to do. When he returned to his seat on the lounge, a mango juice was waiting for him, Zac was half finished his juice and Zac was looking at him and smiling like the last half hour had not even occurred.

 

Scott sat down where he had been seated earlier. He was all tangled up in knots inside because he felt guilty in one way but not in another. He thought he should apologise to Zac but at the same time, he did not want to because holding Zac and touching him was what he had wanted to do for such a long time. As he lifted his head and looked over at Zac, Zac was looking at him like he always did and it seemed like nothing had even happened.

 

“Zac, I need to…”

 

“Scotty, let it go. Let’s just pretend like it didn’t happen.”

 

“But Zac…”

 

“Scotty, we’re close. We’re really close and maybe the way we feel about each other got confused in a moment of fun. You know, two gay men all wet and pressed against each other’s bodies, it felt sensual and loving and open and we just let ourselves allow the moments to slip across that line. It didn’t mean anything.”

 

Scott stared at Zac. Every cell of his body knew that for him at least, it did mean something. Even now, as he stared into Zac’s eyes, Scott knew he loved the man sitting opposite him. He wanted to lift out of his seat, walk over to Zac and sit on his lap and kiss him more passionately than any man he had ever kissed before.

 

Though Scott did not know it, his face and particularly his eyes, showed Zac what he was thinking and feeling. The instant thought that went through Zac’s mind was he must be mistaken, even though deep down it was something he had always wanted to see. With all his control he stared blankly at Scott so he gave nothing of his feelings away.

 

“Scotty, I was thinking about us not talking about the many things most gay friends talk about. Maybe we could change that and I could tell you about Chad. He had a great body and though I told you he was fairly well hung, his cock was really unusual.

 

Scott was staring at Zac and though he was listening and hearing initially, an argument was beginning to play out in Scott’s mind. Part of him was thinking it would be best if he was agreeable but another part of him was screaming inside, telling him to admit the truth, to say it out loud and see if the thought that crossed his mind during the past month, could be true.

 

“Chad had the weirdest, bent and twisted cock I’ve ever seen. When I first looked at it, I did a double take to really look at it and…”

 

Zac was still talking but Scott’s mind had gone walkabout. His mind was too loud and his ears could not hear and his mind was discussing a thought.

 

“When you told Zac you had the sense that some guy loved you and was waiting for you and that maybe you were just transferring the feelings to Nate, in that moment you looked at Zac and remembered wondering at the party if maybe it was him?

 

“What if you were right? You know Zac loves you but could it be possible he loves you like you want him to love you? What if he loves you like you love him? Maybe you’re meant to be more than friends.

 

“Am I grasping at straws? A month ago I was still deluding myself about how I really felt and a month later I’m telling myself I’m in love with him. I don’t want to destroy what we have but the way it felt in the kitchen in his arms, what it felt like touching his body and that moment when he touched me. He didn’t just touch me, he was caressing my back and my skin was on fire.

 

“Just look at him – he’s awesome. He’s always been the one and you know it. Admit it, there was never a doppelganger; there was only Zac. You’ve been in love with him for at least seven years. The only reason you came out to him that night was because he came out to you and you hoped something would happen, even though when he offered it, you shut it down because he was your friend. Fuck, why did I do that?”

 

“I swear, Scotty, his cock had a minimum forty-five degree bend to the left and was twisted so much that the top and bottom of his knob were actually the sides. I’ve never seen a cock like it…”

 

“Do you really think you can tell him and risk everything? If you don’t, you’ll just keep pushing guys away like you always do. Think about it. You didn’t let Nate make love to you and you told him to just fuck you. That’s why on Sunday when he pushed the issue and said he wanted to make love to you, you told him you didn’t think things were right between the two of you and that he should leave.

 

“Nate was hot and wonderful and a really nice man. He was also great in bed. He tried to give you what you wanted but you wouldn’t let him because you’ve always wanted it from Zac. You need to know. You need to find out for sure. You’ll never be happy if you don’t and you’ll end up being alone forever. You have to say it. You have to tell him how you feel no matter what happens or you’ll never move forward.

 

“Scotty?”

 

“Look at his eyes. Look at the way he’s staring at you.”

 

“Scotty, are you even listening to me?”

 

“I want to know what it feels like to have those lips on mine. I want to taste his tongue in my mouth and…”

 

“For fuck’s sake, Scotty,” Zac yelled.

 

Scott almost jumped out of his skin and gasped out, “What?”

 

“I was talking away to you and you weren’t even listening to me,” Zac said, infuriated.

 

“I was! I was listening to you,” Scott replied.

 

“Oh really? So what was I saying to you?”

 

“You were talking about some guy’s weird cock.”

 

“Some guy? I was talking about Chad. Fuck, Scotty, you asked me earlier about my mind going walkabout but I’ve never let it go walkabout when I was talking to you. Maybe what I say doesn’t mean as much to you as you say it does,” Zac said and glared at him.

 

“No, Zac. Everything you say means something to me. It’s just…”

 

Zac said while still a little angry, “It’s just what?”

 

“I…”

 

“What?”

 

“Zac, I’m really hungry. So much so it’s distracting my concentration.”

 

At first Zac looked at Scott disbelievingly but then he considered how if he was hungry enough, he could get really distracted by it as well. He then said, “Oh. Oh right, well, I have to admit I’m pretty damned peckish myself.”

 

Relieved even though he was disappointed with himself, Scott replied, “How about we go out for dinner? We can also celebrate your return home.”

 

“I was only gone for a month, it isn’t like I was overseas for years,” Zac replied.

 

“I know, Zac, it’s just that we’ve never been apart for that long and I missed you and it’s good to know you’re back.”

 

Zac looked at Scott and was truly touched. He knew the moment Scott had opened the door earlier in the day, he had felt exactly the same, which was why he said the same thing to Scott as he held him in his arms.

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Zac replied, returning their focus to food so he would not get caught in a conversation about feelings.

 

“Great. So let’s get going,” Scott said, wanting to shut down the pressure he was feeling.

 

With an agreed upon choice of a Spanish restaurant, which they had eaten in many times before, less than ten minutes after they sat down at the table, everything between them was relaxed and easy.

 

Regardless of how easily they could fall back into the ease of their friendship, both men’s minds could not let go of the intense feelings they had felt in the kitchen in each other’s arms. Even as they ate and talked and laughed, unbeknownst to each other, both men’s minds pictured a wet, male body, sensually touching and holding, as their secret hearts were beating as a consequence of a dream that had never come so close.

 

With the picture in his mind and the feelings running through his chest, Zac thought he needed a distracting conversation. Ironically, what came out of his mouth seemed to fan the flames when he said, “So Scotty, you didn’t tell me earlier, what sort of cock do you like?”

 

“I’m like you, Zac, I like a stock standard cock. I like one that I can wrap my mouth around and really enjoy and one that won’t rip me in half when it penetrates me,” Scott replied, completely unfazed.

 

“Was that what Nate had?”

 

“Yeah, pretty much.”

 

With a very strange expression on his face, Zac said, “I’ve never asked you this before but Scotty, do you honestly like being fucked?”

 

Thinking it was some sort of putdown, Scott looked disturbed and replied, “Some guys like to fuck and some guys like to be fucked, Zac. Why would you ask me something like that?”

 

“I didn’t mean it like it was a bad thing, Scotty. I tried it once and I didn’t like it and so I was just wondering?”

 

“Oh, for a moment I thought you were being demeaning toward me,” Scott replied.

 

“Never, Scotty.”

 

“Well then, yeah, I do. I suppose what I feel when a man takes me, is not unlike what you probably feel when you take a man. I have to say, though, my level of enjoyment is based on the man and how I feel about him. Don’t get me wrong, Zac; I love sex but it’s more about the man I’m having sex with than the sex itself, at least it is for me. Some guys want a sexual superstar to satisfy them and any guy that isn’t that superstar, gets a label of a bad lay. For me, I’m not looking for a guy to blow my mind every time he fucks or makes love to me. I’m looking for a guy to love me more than anything. I’m not looking for a guy who only wants to put his cock in me until he’s ready to put it in someone else,” Scott explained.

 

“I can understand that, Scotty. I mean I’ve had sex with guys just for the sake of having sex but I have to admit that when there’s more to whatever is between the guy and I, the sex is somehow more fulfilling for me. I mean when I remember the sex with Jackson, I remember it as the best sex I’ve ever had but I often wonder if I hadn’t fallen for him, if I’d still have thought that way about the sex?”

 

“You were crazy about Jackson. In your eyes he could do no wrong. I mean I don’t know what Jackson was like in bed but from my perspective, when I remember back to that time, when you spoke about him to me, you sounded like he was the best lover on the planet,” Scott said.

 

Zac laughed as he thought back retrospectively and then said, “Yeah, I guess I did talk about him that way. I remember when we were naked in bed and I was inside of him, as I looked at his handsome face and his hot body and felt all the feelings I was feeling for him, I could barely imagine any other man could satisfy me the way he did. I now know that wasn’t true but my point is, I guess these days I think if I was head over heels in love with a man, I somehow suspect that even if the sex wasn’t the greatest I’d ever had, it’d still feel somehow better or maybe more substantial.”

 

“Zac, based on what you just said, would I be right in believing that with all the men you meet and have sex with, what you’re really searching for is a feeling, even if you’re just picking up for the sexual release?”

 

“Scotty, what I want is what you want. I want to find a man, I want to fall in love and I want to have good or even great sex with that man. What you don’t understand is that when I pick up, a lot of the times I just want to get blown in a wet, warm mouth and then afterwards, I just want to fuck the emptiness away. Sometimes shooting into a guy’s body isn’t about the explosion of the semen. Sometimes that gushing explosion represents thoughts and feelings being disposed of. Sometimes I just want to rid myself of something that’s clawing at the insides of me.

 

“Don’t take that the wrong way, Scotty. It’s not meant to be disrespectful of the guy I’m with. In some cases I know the guy just can’t give me what I need other then straight sex. The guy becomes something else in those cases. I mean I’m attracted to him, I’m hard for him but the fucking gets lost inside thoughts and feelings within me that aren’t being satisfied. I gaze at how hot he is and I get caught up in the lust and desire for his maleness but I end up just fucking the living daylights out of his body until I release. The release isn’t just on a sexual level; it’s on a psychological level as well, maybe even more so. The body is a poor replacement for what I really want and need.”

 

“I didn’t know you felt that way, Zac. I thought you just loved sex and fucking with as many guys as you could get.”

 

“I told you earlier, Scotty, you and I are more alike than you know.”

 

“I’m beginning to understand that. You were right earlier. There are things I don’t know about you and I hate the fact that it’s taken me all these years to learn even this one thing about you. I should’ve known this a long time ago,” Scott said.

 

“Maybe that’s the downfall of us not talking to each other in this way. Maybe I should’ve told you all of this a long time ago. I guess I just didn’t want you to stop looking at me the way you did. You hold me in such high regard that I never wanted to appear to you as being anything other than strong and in control. Sometimes you make me feel like a superhero,” Zac explained.

 

“I guess I do look at you like that. I’ve envied the man you became for so long, Zac. Probably because I didn’t become that sort of man. I wanted to be like you but I’m just not like you. I feel disappointed with who I am and yet so proud and envious of who you are.”

 

“Scotty, I’m not special. I’m just a man. I have just as many faults and insecurities as any other man willing to admit to them. Here’s the rub, my friend. I envy you. You live according to who you are. You’re not a lemming walking with all the other lemmings until you walk off a cliff. If you really wanted to, you could be out there fucking guys every night but you know what you really want and that isn’t it. On some level you believe the man you want is out there for you. Do you know what else I think, Scotty?”

 

“What?”

 

“I think that at that Christmas party when you thought some part of you was trying to tell you something new, it was just you telling yourself what you already know. Maybe it’s real or maybe it’s a hope or a wish but you always attempt to live your life according to the man you want to be. You throw out a line to catch a fish and when you reel it in, if it’s what you want, you try to keep it. If it’s not what you want, you throw it back for someone else to catch. I on the other hand, I throw out a line, catch a fish and feast on it whether it’s the fish I want or not. Then I catch another one and feast on that as well. Every time I’m just wishing that maybe something will happen.”

 

“Yeah but Zac, maybe we’re just choosing to live life differently? You’re just giving yourself multiple options to find what you want and it’s probably the better way of finding someone special,” Scott suggested.

 

“I don’t know that it’s the better way, Scotty. Sometimes I think I’m just impatient and taking what I think is the easy way out,” Zac replied.

 

“Some people are left handed and some people are right handed,” Scott said.

 

“Maybe, I suppose?”

 

Scott asked, “What sort of man do you want?”

 

“I want a man who’ll think the world of me, like I’d think the world of him, Scotty.”

 

“You were right, Zac, we are more alike then I realised, at least in regard to finding someone special.”

 

“I’m glad you’re beginning to see me for who I am. At times I hate it when you say things that make me seem like all I care about is the physical. Sex is important to me but it’s far from my priority, Scotty.”

 

“I’m sorry, Zac.”

 

“It’s okay, Scotty, at least now that you understand.”

 

“So what about the hairy hillbilly with the mutant cock? Did you go to the States thinking there might be something that could happen between the two of you?”

 

Zac laughed at the hairy hillbilly and mutant cock remark and shook his head before he replied, “Honestly, Scotty, yeah. Both Chad and I were searching for something but when we were together, even though the sex was really good and he was a nice guy, I realised pretty quickly that he wasn’t what I wanted.”

 

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Zac.”

 

“Don’t be, Scotty. You’re here and I’d be there and I don’t think I’d be happy half a world away from our friendship.”

 

“Neither would I, Zac.”

 

“Well then, it worked out for the best and so I guess we’ll be stuck with each other for the rest of our lives.”

 

Scott finished his meal, put his knife and fork on his plate and pushed it forward. He then wiped his mouth with his serviette and replied, “With you in my life, I’ve never felt stuck in a bad way. As long as I’ve got you I could survive being alone.”

 

“I feel the same way Scotty but I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to find love and I want you to know all that comes with that as a gay man. I’ll always be here for you but as I tried to say to you earlier, it might be better for both of us if we stopped relying so heavily on each other. We’re men, adult men and I don’t want to be a wedge stopping you from finding a happy life with the man of your dreams.”

 

Scott looked at Zac and though he knew what Zac had said was supportive and had come from the heart, he also felt as if Zac’s words were somehow pushing him away. As he gazed at him, everything rose from deep inside of him and he could not hold it inside. Like a volcanic eruption, Scott’s mouth open and he said, “Zac, you’re the man of my dreams.”

 

Zac’s eyes displayed absolute shock. He stared at Scott in disbelief, his whole body frozen as if he were suddenly disembodied from reality. Scott’s words had been clear and the honesty in Scott’s eyes could not be dismissed as they gazed into Zac’s. The emotion that filled Zac combined hope, relief and desire but still, years of reasons for hiding his love, told him the dream was impossible. His mouth remained closed and silence was his reply.

 

“Zac, don’t you have anything to say?”

 

Zac’s body fell backwards until his back stopped against the backrest of his chair. He looked completely stunned and Scott feared that after finally expressing the feelings that had existed in him for so long, it seemed it would lead nowhere.

 

Silent words moved through Scott’s mind like an order, telling him it could not end like this. Subsequently he added, “Zac, I’m sorry but I need to know if it’s only me who feels what I’m feeling. Zac, I love you and I’ve been in love with you for so long, I don’t even know when those feelings became true. I’m crazy about you, Zac. I want you to kiss me, I want you to get naked with me and I want you to take me to bed and make love to me.”

 

The emotion that filled Zac’s chest he equated to filling a balloon with water until it exploded. He felt that at any moment his chest would burst. Zac’s eyes moistened as he stared back, still silently.

 

“Zac, the reason nothing happened between Nate and I is because of you. I had sex with Nate but he wanted to make love to me and I wouldn’t allow him to. There’s only one man I want to make love to me and that’s you. I’ve wanted you for what seems like forever and if there’s even the slightest chance for us, please don’t let that chance die. Please tell me right now that you’re willing to try.”

 

Suddenly the inanimate energy of Zac’s stalled body began to move inside of him once more. He pushed his body to his feet and even though he was still in somewhat of a daze, he walked to the other side of the table, his eyes never breaking the connection with the eyes of the man he adored. Zac reached out and in one continuous movement, he lifted Scott to his feet and into his arms, the conclusion of which was a deep and loving kiss.

 

When his kiss finally parted from Scott’s lips, Zac said softly, “Scotty, of course I love you and of course I need you but after what you just said to me, I know I want you like no man I’ve ever wanted in my life. I’ve been in love with you since we were about fifteen. I never thought this day would come but I also never thought I could allow this day to come. I didn’t want to…”

 

“Ruin what we had,” Scott interrupted.

 

“Yeah,” Zac said.

 

“Neither did I but maybe now we can have what we’ve always had while making it even better?”

 

“There’s nothing I’d want more, Scotty.”

 

“There’s nothing I’d want more, either, Zac”

 

Zac exhaled like he was letting every bit of air out of his lungs but he inhaled quickly, pulled Scott into a crush and kissed him with every ounce of love in his heart. The kiss was deeply passionate and in those moments, it felt like there was nothing else Zac could ever need. Somehow he felt like Scott’s lips on his were transporting him to another world.

 

The men were in a type of reverie as their love began to spill over for real but just as their embrace of each other tightened even more, someone beside them cleared their throat to gain their attention.

 

It was an unexpected shock that pulled them apart and as Zac and Scott turned, they discover the waiter looking at them slightly perplexed. However, before the waiter or the men said anything, many of the patrons in the restaurant began a round of applause. It had been all too obvious that one man standing suddenly, pulling another man into his arms in such a manner; the following embrace, kiss and gazes into each others eyes must be the beginning of love unleashed. The patrons had not been bothered or offended like the waiter had feared and instead, they had been touched by the one thing in the world that everyone had in common.

 

The waiter turned and looked at the other patrons and when he turned back he was smiling and said, “Congratulations, Gentlemen.” He then turned away and returned to business. Scott and Zac suddenly felt embarrassed but all the smiles directed at them caused the embarrassment to quickly fade away. They smiled back at their temporary supporters and then slowly they sat back down.

 

With their attention returning to each other, Zac said, “We can stay for dessert and coffee if you want but if you’re okay with it, I’d really like to go back to your place, Scotty.”

 

“If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, Zac, then yeah, I’m more than okay with that. We could have dessert in bed,” Scott replied.

 

“What sort of dessert did you have in mind, Scotty?”

 

“Wrapping my lips around a big banana, Zac.”

 

“Scotty, you sicko perve,” Zac joked and then laughed.

 

Scott purposely looked at Zac like a sexual deviant and let his tongue hang out of his mouth like a thirsting dog. Remembering what he had said to Scott earlier, Zac burst into laughter and said, “Scotty, I always thought you were a good boy?”

 

“Well I was an angel for a long time but tonight I’m suddenly feeling like a little devil. Take me home, Zac, take me to bed and have your way with me.”

 

Zac said nothing and did not react. He simply stood up, went and paid the bill and then the two men left the restaurant, a feeling of haste urging them to return to where their day together had begun.

 

The drive back to Scott’s home was not a particularly long drive but it was certainly long enough for a conversation that somehow seemed necessary. It began with a statement from Zac, which seemed as important as anything else they could say.

 

“You know, Scotty, I find it almost impossible to believe that for all these years, you and I have both been feeling the same about each other and yet neither of us could see we were both in the same boat together?”

 

“Yeah, tell me about it, Zac. In all honesty it pisses me off. To think you could have been kissing me, holding me and making love to me for all this time? If I hadn’t pushed you away on that night we came out to each other, things could’ve been so different. When we were about seventeen, I knew how you made me feel and I knew how attracted I was to you but I got it into my mind that friends couldn’t become boyfriends.

 

“When you came out to me, which gave me the strength to come out to you, when you offered to be my first; Zac, I can’t tell you how much I wanted to say yes but I was scared. I thought if I said yes I’d fall in love with you for sure and that would kill our friendship. For fucks sake, Zac, this is my fault.”

 

“No, Scotty, it’s not your fault. That night was one moment in time. We were nineteen and now we’re twenty-four. We’ve both had plenty of time to change what might have been but neither of us chose to take the risk. We’re both at fault, if you want to place blame. The reality is both of us were too scared of what might of happened to our friendship. We meant so much to each other we weren’t prepared to chance losing each other. It doesn’t matter now, though, because now we both know how we feel.”

 

“I suppose it says a lot about how much we’ve loved each other,” Scott said.

 

“Yeah, Scotty, it does and now we’ll get to know just how much,” Zac replied.

 

Scott noticed immediately that Zac accelerated as the car began to move faster. He knew Zac was in a hurry to get back to the house and take him to bed. Smiling more inwardly then outwardly, he also knew he was feeling just as impatient to finally have Zac’s naked body against him.

 

“I can’t believe this is happening but I’m so glad it is. I have to tell you something, though. Since you arrived at my door today, I’ve sort of been manipulating you, Zac.”

 

“What do you mean, Scotty?”

 

“When I remarked about you calling me Scotty, I wasn’t just telling you that I loved that you called me that name. It was the beginning of me trying to let you know how I really felt and what was going through my mind.”

 

“I’m glad, Scotty. I honestly thought you didn’t want me to call you that name anymore and ever since I knew I was gay, that name took on a whole new meaning for me. I continued calling you that because for me it showed how much I really loved you.”

 

“Really, Zac?”

 

“I told you, Scotty, I’ve known for a long time that you were the one I wanted. Anyway, tell me more about this manipulation of me today.”

 

“Well, at first I had no intention of telling you the story about Nate but I was so lost in your eyes after you being gone for a month, I didn’t even realise what I was saying and I just blurted it out. Anyway, as I started telling you, I hoped the story would effect you, maybe make you react jealously; not that you did.”

 

“Trust me, Scotty, it made me jealous. Part of me wanted to kill that fucker, especially when you said he wanted to make love to you.”

 

“Zac, you’ve seen me with guys before?”

 

“Yeah, I have but Scotty, when we’ve gone out and some guy picked you up, though I hate admitting this to you, I could always tell that the guys were just after sex. I always knew none of them were a threat to my emotional desire to have you as my own.”

 

“Holy shit,” Scott said.

 

“I’m sorry, Scotty.”

 

“Don’t be, Zac. I love that you were jealous, I love that you were somehow saving me for you and strangely, I even love that you felt like I belonged to you.”

 

Zac’s brief laugh was prideful and then he said, “Well Scotty, you’re mine now and don’t you forget it.”

 

Scott chuckled. He felt like a boy and certainly not like a twenty-four-year-old man. He felt excited and not unlike he had on the first night he had sex with a hot guy. Now, even more so, the thought of his hunky Zac taking him when they got home, he almost wanted to roll down the window and shout it out to the passing world. Even so, as he began to make a joke out of Zac’s remark, he realised it was not a joke and his tone of voice became more serious as his words expressed how he really felt.

 

“Zac, I’m not a toy or a possession. I’m not like a new car you’re going to own. You want me then trust me; you can’t be fucking other guys as well. I wouldn’t be able to handle an open relationship. I’m just not that sort of guy. It’s me only or nothing.”

 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, Scotty. Excluding Jackson, every guy I’ve ever fucked, apart from some vague hope, has been nothing more than a fuck because I always knew I wanted you. They were all pretty much just distractions and sexual relief.”

 

Scott turned his head and looked at Zac with an expression that was almost astonished. Zac glanced at him and seeing the expression he laughed.

 

“I liked hearing that, Zac.”

 

“I’m glad,” Zac replied.

 

“Do you have any idea how much I resented Jackson?”

 

Zac said, “Really?”

 

“I told myself I just didn’t like him but I now know I practically needed a spray tan or full-body painting to hide how green with jealousy I was. When I had to spend time with you guys together, once I imagined catching a Sydney funnel-web spider and releasing it into his house.”

 

“Shit, Scotty, that’s pretty dark.”

 

“Well, Zac, he had my man, what can I say?”

 

Zac laughed and asked, “Is it wrong that I feel honoured by such a horrible thought?”

 

They turned and looked at each other but all Scott did was raise one eyebrow and look away.

 

“You’re bad, Scotty. Wishing my lover dead so you could have your way with me.”

 

“I despised him for how much he hurt you,” Scott said.

 

“That’s enough talk about him,” Zac replied.

 

Once they were back inside the house, the door was barely closed when Scott jumped onto Zac’s body. He wrapped his legs around Zac’s hips and his arms around Zac’s neck. Forcing Zac to hold him off the ground, Scott kissed Zac in a true display of love and desire. When he finally released Zac’s lips from his kiss, Scott said, “Well, you know where the bed is so why are you standing here wasting time that could be better spent elsewhere?”

 

Zac gripped Scott’s body at the hips and he pushed him away and lowered him back onto his feet. The look in Zac’s eyes was one of disbelief. What Zac was seeing and hearing was a Scotty he had never known existed. His friend suddenly looked like a sexual being and one that wanted him to satisfy his sexual needs. He watched as Scott grinned at him bemused and then Zac turned Scott toward the hallway.

 

Once in the bedroom, what happened during their first time was not at all as each of them had imagined. There was no slow undressing and no tender caressing or soft kissing. Scott was naked before Zac had removed his shorts. Zac looked at Scott with yet another expression of disbelief but even as he was undoing his zipper, a hot, naked Scott was in front of him, dragging Zac’s shorts and briefs down in a swift manner.

 

The moment Zac stepped out of the shorts and was completely naked, Scott’s hand was crushing Zac’s hard cock in his fist, as his other arm surrounded Zac and pulled him into a hungry, lustful kiss.

 

It took only moments before all Zac’s uncertainty went flying out the figurative window. He wrapped his arms around Scott, lifted him off the floor and threw him naked onto Scott’s bed. Scott bounced and laughed and as his naked body lay still for a moment, Zac gazed firstly at Scott’s hard cock, before Zac’s eyes moved slowly but devouringly upwards, over the smooth stomach and chest until they halted and stared into Scott’s eyes.

 

“I can’t believe you’re standing there and this is going to happen,” Scott said.

 

“I was always right there, waiting, Scotty. This is where I’ve always wanted to be, the one place I’ve always wished I could be,” Zac replied.

 

“So my thought or feeling at the party was right? It wasn’t just some man waiting for me, it was you?”

 

“Yeah, Scotty. Ever since you said no when we came out to each other, there’s always been some part of me waiting and wishing. I loved you then and I love you now.”

 

“Take me, Zac,” Scott said with a tone of desperate need.

 

Zac simply allowed his body to fall, his hands stopping an impact before he lowered onto Scott and sucked hard on a nipple. At the same time his hand gripped Scott’s cock, squeezing and stroking simultaneously.

 

“God yes, Zac, kiss me, suck me and make love to me,” Scott cried out.

 

A moment following, Zac’s tongue was in Scott’s mouth and during the ensuing kiss, Zac slid directly on top of Scott’s body and they began grinding their hard cocks together. Arms wrapped around bodies, hands caressed and clutched at warm flesh and two minds, two hearts and two dreams became tangible and one.

 

Soon Zac was sliding down Scott’s body, kissing the skin until he reached and devoured Scott’s cock. Though what was happening was wild and hot and distinctly sexual in nature, it could not detract from the deepness of the emotions at the core of both men.

 

Scott followed Zac’s gift with a wonderful gift of his own and soon they were kissing again and tasting the merging tangs of each other, as their tongues shared their nectar and their bodies writhed in search of even more heat, passion and satisfaction.

 

When Zac was eventually kneeling between Scott’s legs and was about to enter the world he had imagined for nearly a decade, as he looked up into Scott’s brown eyes, he discovered Scott looking back in absolute adoration.

 

“I love you, Scotty, more than I even realised and I know I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”

 

The look on Scott’s face was a reply that suggested his world had just been made whole. He lifted his arm, reached out with his hand and as his fingers touched and caressed down the right side of Zac’s chest, he said, “Being able to touch your body and feel your naked skin like this, fills me with feelings I never knew existed. Tasting any part of you in my mouth or being in your mouth in the way we just shared, fills me with excitement like no other man has ever given to me. I can only imagine what having you inside of me is going to do to my heart and mind but Zac, I want you to know you’re my Prince and you’ve already stamped your royal seal on my heart.”

 

“Scotty…”

 

“Wait, I’m not finished. I love you, too, Zac, so much so it’s almost more than I can comprehend. For years I allowed myself to believe some stupid bullshit in my mind while pushing the truth into the background. Then you got on that plane and were gone and for the past month, everything began to tell me what an idiot I’d been. Then Nate came into my life and suddenly there was no one else but you. I’m so overwhelmed right now.

 

“Fill me, Zac. Fill me in every way, day and night for the rest of my life. Our love and friendship will be what we’ve both wanted for all of the years we’ve allowed to slip by. Take me, hold me and let me try to give you everything you’ve always wanted.”

 

With a careful and smooth penetration, as the base of Zac’s cock pressed to where it could go no farther, Zac leaned forward and down and kissed Scott deeply. As his kiss became hot and wet, he began to roll his hips, sliding his manhood in and out. He then parted their lips and said, “Scotty, my Scotty, forever.”

 

When Zac and Scott finally walked out of the bedroom and into the living room many hours later, a beautiful magenta sunrise was glowing through the windows, as they headed to the kitchen for a coffee.

 

Zac said, “Holy shit?”

 

Scott asked, “What?”

 

Zac looked deep into Scott’s eyes and with a smile he said, “Happy New Year, Scotty!”

 

“I forgot. I can’t believe I forgot about New Years Eve and I missed the fireworks over Sydney Harbour. I’ve never missed them before,” Scott said.

 

“You mean we’ve never missed them before, Scotty. We’ve always watched them together, whether on television or at the harbour.”

 

“Yeah,” Scott said and glanced off thoughtfully for a second, before he said, “Fuck the fireworks over the harbour. The fireworks in my bed last night were hotter, brighter, more explosive and lasted longer.”

 

“Happy New Year, Scotty.”

 

“Happy New Year, Zac.”

 

Zac turned Scott and pulled him against his chest and kissed him hard. Both men were still naked and instantly they were hard again, as they writhed against each other lovingly. When their kiss finally parted, they stared into each other’s eyes and then still arm-in-arm, they began to walk toward the kitchen.

 

A new year, a new month and a new day had begun but more than titles of time, an entire new story had begun for them as well. Though neither said it out loud, both knew that though they were still the very best of friends, they had now become more than they were, so very, very much more then they were.

 

The End.