Chapter 4 

 

Nick’s eyes opened just after dawn. Almost the first thought to enter his mind was in regard to Billy. It was not a specific thought, just a mental picture followed closely by his name. It made Nick smile. Without any association to Billy, Nick’s large morning erection tented the white sheet that rested on it and he reached down and gave it a stroke and squeeze. He looked out the window at what was looking like another cloudless day.

 

Moving unconsciously and without thought, the moment his muscles tensed as he began to rise from the bed, he instantly felt shots of soreness and discomfort. It halted his sudden alteration to the comfortable position he had been sleeping in for hours. Immediately remembering the day and night before and recalling everything that had happened, he eased back against the mattress and pillow, waiting until the strain and pain reduced.

 

Gently easing himself from the bed, he held his stomach and waist. He walked naked to the window, rested his hands on the windowsill and looked out onto a silent morning. It was still a while before the sun would rise but the sky was already a pale blue. There was mistiness in the morning air, as the unusual early heat, sucked the moisture up from its night’s resting places. The greens of the trees and plants were deep and glistening, a light condensation visible on their smooth surfaces.

 

Nick wondered if the odd but beautiful weather in Detroit had something to do with this thing people referred to as global warming. Fall had come and gone with only a slight reduction in temperature and winter had not reached its usual coldness either. The weather during the football games this year had often been uncomfortably hot and even at work, almost everyday at lunchtime, he had sat down in the sun in only his shorts. It was the reason his body was so richly tanned at this time of year.

 

Looking down at the street he glanced at his car. He instantly considered his desire to buy a new one. He could have done so years ago but he had decided to just keep saving the cash he was putting away. He considered that after the previous night’s fight, he now had substantially more money than he had ever thought possible.

 

With a satisfied expression Nick smiled because his life was now even more comfortable. A brief thought followed on the heels of the smile, an acceptance that though he was financially secure; he was far from satisfied with his life.

 

Returning to his train of thought, Nick considered that with his well-paid job and the additional income from his unbeaten streak of street fights, after four years he had a substantial nest egg set aside. He knew that the new vehicle would put a sizeable hole in his savings but he was unperturbed. His nest egg was large enough to buy a cheap house if he wanted to, which he had considered but not given more than a passing thought.

 

The original reason for accepting the highly paid fights had been a desire to buy a brand new, four-wheel-drive pickup. It was one of very few aspirations he had in his life and anything else outside of necessities did not concern him greatly. It seemed somehow easier to continue along his path unswervingly. Ideas and imaginings of a different life were all well and good, however, he saw little purpose in buying a house or changing his life anymore than he had, when there seemed no real point in his mind. To Nick, it seemed the important things or at least what he considered to be the important things, would never come his way.

 

Even though Nick had gone out of his way to change his life to what it was now, in so many ways he was still caught and bound up in his past. His new life may have been new in comparison with the old one but it was four years old and still the same as when it had begun. The only time he did anything differently was when he was directed by necessity. He would not even have a bank account had his job’s pay requirements not forced him to go to a bank to open an account. Even so, all of his earnings were withdrawn and he kept his nest egg in a secret hiding place in his bedroom. He could have had even more money if he had opened a high interest bearing account but he knew nothing of those things and felt his money would be safer in his own hands.

 

Shifting his eyes, Nick noticed the broken sidewalk that had added to his physical condition from the previous twenty-four hour period. He looked at the beautiful, old oak tree but he held no irrational grudge with it from the collision. He thought that if anything it was the local government’s fault for the shit upkeep of the local infrastructure.

 

Noticing a woman jogging along the road, Nick thought that he should do the same. He thought he should exercise and be diligent about his health, fitness and the shape he was in. He laughed quietly but condescendingly, knowing that it was not going to happen just yet. He still had some time before his body would need some specific attention, present condition not included. It was an apathetic attitude, which was not in line with his standard, disciplined approach to life and he knew it. He also knew he was a very strong and very fit man and so for the moment he just could not be bothered. He did however, consider after what happened the night before, he had to become far more diligent about his diet or at least making certain that he ate regularly and preferably better then he currently did.

 

Nick knew when he did not eat properly it had a strange effect on him. He would get what he referred to as a light in his eyes, which interfered with his normal vision. Sometimes it gave him extreme headaches but most of the time he had to lie down and he would sleep for an hour or more until he awoke feeling better. On every occasion these attacks made him dizzy. Following Billy’s meal and a good night’s sleep, he was certain it was that which had occurred the night before and was probably added to by his extremely physical day and night as well.

 

The large erection finally began to soften and drop down. Nick sighed with relief because he was busting to take a piss and so he turned away from the window and walked into the bathroom.

 

A long, thick and heavy, lemon yellow stream poured from Nick’s swollen manhood. It was one of those times when the relief was extraordinary and a deep exhalation of breath pushed forth from his lungs as the pressure reduced. He flushed the cistern and turned to the mirror, shaking his head from the sight of his bruised body. He looked at the cuts to his face. He suspected the one on his cheek would heal well and without a scar but he thought the one that carved from his forehead and gouged deep into his eyebrow, would be a different matter altogether.

 

Nick looked into his very dark and deep blue eyes. They were sharp and clear as they usually were but Nick could see his loneliness behind their drilling gaze. Nick liked his eyes but he thought that people he met felt differently. He did not know why but so often, when someone would look into his eyes, he would see their distinct aversion to hold his gaze. It was like they needed to look away and only glance at him superficially. Sometimes he thought that people could see some sort of evilness he was unaware of. He hated the thought but he did not know what else to think. The truth was Nick’s eyes were piercing and their drilling gaze was uncomfortable to many people.

 

Instantly it occurred to Nick that there were exceptions to the rule. There was Eric for one but mainly there was Billy. He always seemed to stare directly into Nick’s eyes and Nick found that to be a pleasant change and made him think that Billy was very trustworthy. He also liked it because he was becoming familiar with Billy’s strangely colored, indigo eyes. He cleaned his teeth, took a very quick wake up shower and then dressed himself for the day.

 

It was Sunday and though he did not have to work, he had never taken time off and so he was glad it was not required, following the events of the day before. He knew if this were a weekday, he would be calling in to take his first sick day ever. He did not feel up for much of anything at that moment and he was fully aware that he felt physically, mentally and emotionally shot. He made some cereal and a cup of coffee and then he sat down to watch the morning news. Nick thought it was all shit as usual. The more he watched the global and local events, the more that he thought the world was turning to shit.

 

As some bullshit rolled across the television screen before his eyes, he was not really taking any notice. He was staring blindly because his mind had turned unexpectedly to more thoughts of Billy. Nick thought Billy was so friendly and so good to him and again he questioned the idea of opening up to a friendship. In fact, Nick felt an extreme urge to see Billy right at that moment. He decided he would go next-door immediately but then he thought he would need an excuse.

 

After several minutes considering, he decided he needed to say thank you for all of Billy’s help the previous night. It was not just an idea, it was the truth and then he looked at the clock on the wall. It was now just after seven in the morning and though he knew it might be too early; Nick dismissed the thought because he felt a compulsion to see Billy. He did not understand the strength of the need but he really wanted to see him. He stood up immediately, walked out of his apartment and went to Billy’s door.

 

After knocking twice, Nick felt disappointment that Billy was not at home. He thought disappointment was an overt reaction but still it was how he felt. He returned to his apartment and his bedroom where he lay on his bed for a while. Sometime later he stood back up and did some straightening up of what little he possessed. Following, he went to the laundry and washed his clothes from the past week. He then vacuumed the entire apartment and then he sat back down on his bed. He knew he was just trying to waste time but he did not know what else to do. It was a consequence of being so withdrawn.

 

It was one of those days when Nick’s loneliness got the better of him. He used this as an excuse and told himself it was why he had wanted to see Billy so urgently. As a side note he considered it was why he thought about extending the hand of friendship to Billy so often. In that moment, the thought of becoming friends with Billy suddenly seemed limited, as he remembered how he had looked at him in the bathroom the night before. He remembered how out of the blue, how attracted to him he had felt and he also remembered how Billy’s touch had made him so hard, so quickly. He shook his head dismissively and told himself it was just a desire for sex but he could still hear the whisper in the back of his mind that questioned him.

 

Nick remembered how he felt later with Billy in the bedroom. It had been so easy and so right but following his next words concerning those memories, he dismissed the thoughts habitually.

 

“You just need a friend and because Billy is close by and because it is so easy and comfortable with him, you’re confusing the issue with thoughts of sex and love.”

 

Following years of being fundamentally alone, Nick knew he was so tired of not having someone he could talk to or to regularly pass time with. However, his dismissive habit kicked in again and he decided he did not need friends because they were dangerous and what he really needed was a lover. He then thought they were even more dangerous and he questioned if it would be better to simply accept his life and remain alone.

 

The thought of a lover returned him to the memory of Jack in the showers. It was the moment Jack had stroked his cock and looked into his eyes. Nick wondered if maybe Jack had figured it out. He often tried to make conversation with Jack but Jack always walked away. Nick thought the look in Jack’s eyes in the shower had said that he did know but then incongruously, he wondered why he stroked his cock and then why he turned away? He thought it was all so hard to work out. He did not know how to interpret the subtle sexual responses or actions of men, in the way he assumed and imagined all gay men knew and understood naturally.

 

Sighing as he felt his overwhelming aloneness, Nick felt like he was the only gay man of his kind in the world and like he was lost and would never be found. From that thought, something occurred to him. There was one thing he knew about men and sex, which he had discovered purely by accident. It was not really something he wanted to become a standard within his life but he thought that while he had nothing and nobody else, at least it was something. After all, he had been so horny for the last week and his cock seemed to be rising and falling with each passing day like an elevator in a busy office building. In fact, if he was honest with himself, he was as horny as hell right now and he thought if all he was doing was wasting away the morning, what better use of his free time than to see if he could do it again. It was becoming a regular occurrence every three months since the first time twelve months ago and so he picked up his keys and wallet and minutes later, he was heading for a regional area of Michigan.

 

A closeted, virgin, gay man had been how Nick lived his life until he was twenty-six. He had been having sex with women sporadically since he was seventeen but he always knew he felt nothing for them and that his true desire and attraction was to men. Women had never done anything for him sexually or emotionally. In most cases it had been about keeping up appearances. Most of the guys in the pack in his early days, thought he just fucked around, constantly notching up another conquest and that he was not the type to settle down with one woman. However, Nick played his roles proficiently, while always suppressing the innate knowledge and feelings, which like some unconquerable nemeses, plagued him notoriously with each passing year.

 

The previous year, during a late afternoon on his way home from an unusually distant job, Nick had pulled into a rest stop to use the toilet. Perhaps through some quirk of fate and despite the men’s room being completely empty, Nick had an idiosyncratic habit of using the last stall in a public toilet. It was the same with the urinals or the showerheads in the locker room. He sat down and in the middle of divesting his body of unneeded weight; he turned and saw a hole in the wall between the two stalls. It was a perfect circle and appeared to have been machined with a professional’s tool. Under those circumstances, initially he thought it had been workmen doing something but then a moment later, Nick realized the point. He stared at it with astonishment and then he reached out and ran his finger around the circumference and was surprised to find that the edges were relatively smooth. Nick could not believe the measures that had been taken but then he shook his head and finished his business.

 

Nick stood up and flushed the toilet and then he heard the stall door beside his open and close. As Nick was about to pull up his shorts, he felt guilty when a sudden voyeuristic urge took hold of him. His heart said no and his head said yes but the determining vote fell to his cock. His arousal grew thick and his breath caught and then suddenly he was seated again. He turned and looked through the hole to watch. He thought it was strange that the man was facing the toilet and not the door but then he decided the man must prefer to piss in a toilet bowl rather than a urinal.

 

Still watching, he saw the unknown man unzip a pair of pants and let them fall to the floor. A blue and white business shirt hung down, covering everything. Then the man’s hands dragged some white underpants from beneath and dropped them to the floor as well. The man then lifted the front of the shirt to reveal a thick and not quite flaccid cock, arcing outward. Nick had felt his stomach tighten as he looked at the cock but then the new experience really began.

 

The man gripped his cock in his fist and he began to stroke it. Nick was so stunned that he hadn’t even considered that if he could see the man, the man could see him. As the man’s cock grew long and hard, Nick’s cock followed suit. As soon as the man saw Nick’s erection stand to attention as a consequence of his actions, he instantly turned and slid his erection through the hole.

 

On that first occasion Nick had been stunned and he pulled back and away from the strangers cock. He stared at it but it did not take long before the natural instincts of a gay man took over. He became extremely turned on and reached out and tentatively touched it. Moments later he was stroking the man’s erection. It was only a few minutes following but suddenly filled with sexual hunger from another man’s hard cock, he leaned forward and for the first time in his life, at twenty-six years of age, Nick performed fellatio.

 

The man had warned him at the appropriate moment that he was going to ejaculate but Nick’s virgin desires overwhelmed him. With both curiosity and desire, Nick immersed himself into the experience to completion. Over the years, Nick had tasted his own semen but it was only at this point that he realized that though similar, it differed from one man to another. The consistency was also variable but regardless, Nick discovered that he actually enjoyed it. When he was done, the man offered to return the favor and he accepted. Nick smiled when the man complimented his cock but never had he smiled like he did after receiving his first blowjob from a man.

 

Nick drove into the same rest stop and parked his car. It was the fourth time he had been there since finding it. There were no other vehicles on this side of the restrooms and he wondered and hoped that someone would be parked on the other side. He thought he would find out soon enough and so he got out and walked into the men’s room.

 

After disappearing through the doorway, Nick’s footfalls were purposely silent. It was deathly quiet with somewhat of a cold, grey feeling attached. Breathing heavily, he unsuspectingly inhaled the aroma of urine, sweat and the subtle yet familiar scent of semen. It was not a particularly nice smell but for a horny gay man, there was something of the temptress about it. All of the urinals were empty, adding to the feeling that he was alone but as he stopped and looked down along the row of stalls, he noticed that all except one door was opened. It was the second to last one that shared the hole. He stepped silently into the last stall and closed and locked the door. He leaned, angling himself so he could look down and through the hole. Instantly he saw a man’s hand rubbing an erection. Nick swallowed hard. It turned him on immediately and he felt his cock thicken in his shorts.

 

Nick still had difficulty wrapping his mind around the fact that men actually did this sort of thing but even so, he desperately wanted the anonymous man to blow him. He had returned the favor three times to the three anonymous men he had encountered previously. It was easier to do it every time and as much as he wanted to do it, he also believed returning the favor was expected of him. He really had no idea about anything at all.

 

There was one thing that always stood out to Nick about these mutual blowjobs and that was the temporary satisfaction. It was never enough. He had not been foolish enough to think that a blowjob would sate his life’s needs but it was part of the reason why he knew he needed so much more from his sexuality.

 

Even with the knowledge of his deepest needs, Nick had never moved beyond a blowjob in the stall. He wanted to but the whole gay thing was so outside of his comfort zone. He had never even had oral sex with a man whose face he had seen, let alone had the courage to pick up a guy or go to a gay bar. As for the idea of telling some guy to his face that he wanted to fuck him, it was simply inconceivable. Additionally, here within the realm of faceless and anonymous blowjobs, the idea of discovering that the guy whose cock he had just sucked was someone he really was not attracted to; it just seemed more than he could handle. He knew it was a narrow and superficial attitude and he hated that it was his attitude but still he knew that his idea of sex was with someone that looked good to him. He knew it was just the way he was and he wondered how many other guys felt the same.

 

As much as he wanted to do it and as much as he was turned on by it, still he was confronted by an aversion to it. It was confusing because he was back there again but a part of him wished that he were not at the rest stop at all. He knew it was that part of him that wanted the ideal but with no options in sight and barely a belief that one would ever arrive, his hard cock and his horny needs took control. It was a choice of something rather than nothing.

 

With a small, throat-clearing cough, Nick then moved forward a little. He knew that the man would be watching and he unhitched the button and drew down the zipper on his shorts. His cock was already at half-mast within his briefs and he reached in and pulled the growing and fleshy meat out. It hung there like an arch in mid air, very thick and very long and with a large, pinkish brown head that bulged and pulled apart the urethral opening. His cock instantly began to ooze a tempting and clear droplet.

 

It only took Nick to see the slightest movement through the hole and his cock stretched to its full length and stood to salute the awaiting hungry mouth. Nick turned directly toward the hole and he forcibly pushed his erection down into view. An audible groan followed from the next stall and it was filled with a tone that said the man liked what he saw.

 

Nick smiled as yet another invisible stranger found his cock impressive. He stepped closer, the crest of his cock just before the edge of the hole and then almost instantly, the tongue of the unknown stranger leapt from his mouth through the hole. It swiped the transparent jewel from the tip of Nick’s cock. Nick sighed and then he slid his erection between the circumference of the passage and a hot and wet mouth consumed it.

 

The man started hard and fast immediately. He was not like the others Nick had encountered. There was no easing into things for this guy. His mouth consumed and began pumping hard instantly. He wanted it now and he seemed to want to drain Nick dry. He seemed somewhat desperate.

 

It had been three months since Nick had chosen to come to the rest stop and since he did not get sex anywhere else, other than occasionally from his own hand, he was ready to implode if someone did not make him explode soon. The guy was taking as much as he could of the above average availability and his mouth was punching so hard, sporadically his forehead was hitting the stall between them. He did not seem to care though and he just kept mouth punching Nick’s large erection at high velocity.

 

Lifting his arms, Nick hooked his fingers over the top edge of the stall. Once he had something to grip onto, he started rolling his hips and began fucking the man’s mouth. The man stopped his actions, tightened his lips and pushed his tongue against the hard flesh and he let Nick do the work. Some minutes later, Nick’s energetic movements changed and became more frenzied. The man could not have known but Nick was fantasizing that the mouth belonged to Jack. The man simply moaned and sighed, as he continued sucking on the piston in his mouth. It was not long at all before the huge and distending crown of Nick’s erection, swelled to its extreme and in spasm, expelled voluminous, multiple surges of hot and mouth-filling ejaculate.

 

The faceless man held Nick’s erection in his fist, as he accepted all that was on offer. When Nick’s climax was finally over, the man released Nick from within his grasp. Nick slid his cock back through the hole and he dropped down onto the toilet for a few moments recovery time. It had been quite a climax for Nick and his eyes were closed and a small smile of satisfaction curved his lips. He took a few deep breaths and then shortly after, he assumed it was time for him to return the favor. He opened his eyes and glanced across at the hole. He was expecting to see a new addition to the usual accessories of the stall but the hole was empty. There was no movement on the other side either. Nick sat for a moment and listened but all he heard was the deathly silence he had heard on entering the restroom.

 

Following a cough to gain attention, with no response, Nick considered it was time to leave. He stood up from his respite upon the porcelain throne, his energy replenished. He zipped up his shorts, stepped from behind the door of the stall but then inquisitively, he stopped outside the other door and wondered why the man had gone silent. He wondered if the man was okay, curious of the possibility that something might be wrong.

 

Nick really did not want to make visual contact with one of the faceless men, however, he thought he should at least check and make sure everything was okay. He raised his hand and tapped on the door. Unlocked, it slowly swung back until it stopped at the wall, revealing that his mystery cocksucker had silently fled and vanished like the sands of time.

 

Smiling broadly and almost laughing, Nick shook his head at the certain irony involved. He was afraid to open the lines of communication under these circumstances but the first time he ever had, there was no one even there. He wondered why the man did not want a blowjob but he simply shrugged and thought, “to each his own.”

 

Nick walked to the basins and washed up and then he returned to his car, still sporting an almost immovable smile on his face. He sat bathed in a familiar contentment for a few minutes and then finally he drove away from the rest stop, happy now to once again return home.

 

To be continued...