The Professor and Sean I
By:
Scotty
(Copyright 2006 by the author)
The author retains all rights. No reproductions
are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
Chapter 7
I
Sean's birthday was November 8th. I told Rog I really wanted to have
the party that day, because it was his birthday. Rog told me to keep
cool; he would arrange for the piano. Did I need any help with the
party? I told him no, but asked if he had any friends who might
enjoy the get-together. He didn't have to think for long.
"Actually, Greg and I have two couples we would like to invite. Dan
Foster and Tom Green and Jeff Miller and Paul Ross, none of them are
connected to the college, but I think you will like them. Dan is
about my age 40ish, his partner Tom is in his mid 30's. Jeff is 30,
I would guess, and Paul is a little younger, maybe in his early
twenties. There's not a swish in the bunch. They are, should I say,
horny handfuls. But I know if I let them know about the occasion,
they will behave; at least until it's just us guys. Then I can't
predict what might happen. I am sure that they will all have their
horns up once they meet you two guys. I suspect Greg will have the
hots for Sean, too. But I will let him know, look but don't touch,
that is, if he wants his balls." he said as he laughed.
"That's okay with me. But Rog, Sean and I are pretty committed. I
don't think we would want to join in any group thing. We have pretty
much told each other that. So let the guys know that. If things
change and we decide to get involved, well then, we can take it from
there. It's great that there hasn't been another episode of
threatening. He has a practice today, are you going to be there?"
"Yup, the usual routine. Don't worry, Ryan. I think things are all
taken care of. At least as best we can manage them. I'll have Sean
home about 5; is that okay with you?"
"That's fine, but today is Thursday and I have a department meeting,
so I probably won't be home until after six, maybe even seven. Sean
will be okay. I told him this morning, so he's aware of everything.
Rog, thanks for being so wonderful. It has really helped."
"No problem. Take care. Bye, buddy."
********
The department meeting went
well and I was able to get home by 6:15. The parking lot was fairly
empty so I didn't have to look for a parking space. I was anxious to
see Sean and ask him how his practice went that day. I got to the
door of the townhouse and my heart quickened. The door was slightly
ajar and looked broken around the lock; that wasn't come thing Rog
or Sean would do. I flung open the door and saw the mess. Furniture
was everywhere, papers were strewn, dishes were broken, obscene
messages were painted in red on the walls. I was overtaken by fear.
"Sean, Sean, where are you, baby, answer me." I screamed.
I raced down the hall to Sean's study. I couldn't find him among the
debris! And then. oh my God! There he was in a pool of blood; he was
battered. I screamed again, and ran to him, moving his once-loved
laptop computer, now junk. I didn't know if I should touch him. I
had to know if he was alive.
"Dear God," I prayed, "please don't take Sean from me. Please."
I leaned forward and placed my fingers on this neck. There was a
pulse. I rushed to the telephone, but it was ripped from the wall. I
dashed out of the townhouse, not wanting to leave Sean, and banged
on Mr. and Mrs. Whithouse's door. Emma came to the door. I was
hysterical.
"Please, please call 911, someone broke into the townhouse and they
have hurt Sean badly. Please, and the police, too. And Roger
Fillimore; his number's in the book. I have to get back to Sean."
"Hurry back to him. We'll take care of everything," Emma assured me.
In seconds, I was in what was left of Sean's study room . I knelt by
him. I lifted is head and shoulders and placed him in my lap. His
face was covered in blood and was already swollen. The room smelled
of urine.
"Sean, Sean, don't you dare leave me. Baby, I love you so much.
Please, Sean, fight, fight!"
There was no response I was crying so hard that I really couldn't
see how terribly they had hurt my lover. I just knew it was bad.
Very bad. I kept asking God to let him live. I told God to take me.
I would gladly give my life for Sean. Then the sirens were coming
toward us. Sean remained silent. I kissed him again and again.
Finally the EMT's were in the room. They were talking to me, but I
couldn't hear them. I just sat there holding Sean and I kept kissing
him.
"Sir, sir, you have to move. We need to help him. Please sir, would
you let us help him.?"
Suddenly strong arms were helping to get me up and away from Sean. I
know I was screaming and making it very difficult, but they
persisted and finally won. I heard voices I knew and I realized that
it was Rog and Greg, I could hear Rog's voice more clearly now.
"Ryan, please. Try to calm down. Please, Ryan. Everything will be
all right. Believe me. The right people are here now. They will take
care of everything. Let us help you, Ryan. Please."
"Those fucking cowardly bastards, I want to kill them. How could
they do that to a perfectly innocent kid? Rog, I want their asses,
whatever it takes, whatever the cost, they can't go free and do this
to someone else."
"Okay, okay. We understand." came the soothing voice of Greg.
"If Sean dies, I won't want to go on living. Oh, God, what have I
done to deserve this. Greg held me tightly in his arms and I wailed
against fate and God and everything I could think of in my muddled
and sorrow-filled mind. Rog just kept trying to sooth me. Then I saw
them carrying Sean out on a stretcher.
I went ballistic: "I have to go with him. Please, let me ride with
him in the ambulance. Please." I was screaming and crying.
"It's against policy but okay." said one of the EMT's.
********
The ride to the hospital
emergency room seemed to take hours. There were tubes running into
Sean. He was pale almost white after the EMT's had cleaned up his
face. His hair, his beautiful hair, was matted with dried blood. I
noticed all of a sudden that he was getting a blood transfusion. I
was horrified. Had they shot my Sean?
When we arrived at the hospital, the kindly EMT helped me out of the
back of the ambulance and told me very quietly,
"Look, sir, I know you are in shock and your sorrow is deep and
real, but if you want to help this young man, you need to let us do
our job. Nurse Collins will take you to a special waiting room,
someone will be out to talk to you as soon as the doctors know what
is happening. Are you related to this young man?"
"I am his lover and partner. His only living relative is an aunt in
Vermont who is ill and too frail to travel. I have all the necessary
legal authority to act in his behalf."
By this time Sean had been wheeled into the bowels of the hospital.
Nurse Collins brought me to the waiting room. There was no one else
there.
'Are you expecting anyone else to come here:"" she asked.
"Yes, Roger Fillimore and Greg Raymond. And they will know if anyone
else is coming."
"Thank you, sir. I am going to send in Dr. Cassin and nurse Nichloas.
They will help you I am sure." she left.
Moments later, a tall stunning older man came into the room,
followed almost immediately by a young handsome man.
"My name is Eugene Cassin and this is my lover and partner Nick
Alexander. We are so sorry for what has happened to your young
lover. We are going to keep tabs on everything for you. We will let
you know the latest. This will take some time, lots of examinations
and tests. So you will have to be patient."
"We don't know your name, nor for that matter we don't know the
patient's name. Could you help us with that?" asked the younger man.
I actually had to stop and think. My mind was filled with the
horrible images of my lover and our home. It was ruined. I finally
thought clearly enough to tell them.
"I am Ryan Taylor. I am a professor at the college. My lover's name
is Sean Kelly. We live together off campus. Is he going to be all
right? Is he going to live?" I asked and then dissolved into sobbing
hysterics.
Nick took me into his arms and quietly said, "We don't know anything
yet. We know how awful this is, but you need to try to pull yourself
together. If you want to help him, you have to be composed better
than this, or the doctors won't let you in to see him. So try really
hard to control your emotions, which we know must be almost too much
to bear. I would be out of my mind if anything like this happened to
Gene. So we have just some slight idea of your terrible pain."
Before I could answer, Rog burst into the room. I ran to him and
fell into his arms. He hugged me and kept telling me that everything
would be fine.
"Trust your God, Ryan. He will help pull you through this. Now you
have to try to get some control or you won't be of any use to Sean.
Now try real hard, Ryan. Sean is depending on you to be strong and
to help him through this terror. That's what you two have always
told each other. Well, Ryan, now you have to do it."
Leave it good old Rog. That snapped me out of my hysterics. I kept
crying softly. Then I remembered Gene and Nick. Before I could say
anything they had introduced themselves and quietly left. Rog told
me that Greg had stayed at the townhouse with the police. It had
been termed a crime scene. The place was crawling with forensic
experts, detectives, uniformed police, and unfortunately, some
newspaper and local TV people. No information had been given to the
media except the place had been broken into, pretty much trashed and
that a young man who was renting a room had been attacked and was in
serious condition at the hospital.
I was just about calm when dashing through the doors came Cathy and
Janet. There followed a lot of hugging and crying. I was back in my
hysterical state. Rog put a quick end to that. "Ryan, if you can't
get it together, then I will tell Nurse Collins not to let anyone
else in here. Do you understand?" he practically yelled at me. I
stopped my hysterics immediately.
Cathy was ashened face and Janet just stayed a little behind Cathy,
tears streaming down her face. Cathy spoke to me, calmly and
quietly.
"Ryan, all of us are shocked by this terrible incident. I want you
to know that you have the total support of all of us, both those who
love you as Janet and I do, and some in our department who are less
enamored of you. But, I can assure you in times of crisis like this,
everyone of them will be there for you and Sean. Now let's sit down
over here, quietly and wait or chat, whichever you desire to do. We
are here, all of us, to see you through this awful time."
"I know, Cathy, and I don't know how to thank you. I don't know what
I will do if I should lose Sean. I would want to die, Cathy. I just
wouldn't want to go on. It took me eight years to find happiness and
now, some real losers may take it away from me. I don't understand."
and I was approaching tears again.
Roger grabbed my arm and tightened his fingers around it. I got his
message and regained my composure. It was a good thing because at
that moment, Dr. Cassin came into the room. He looked calm and in
control.
I jumped to my feet and quickly approached him. Rog and Cathy were
close behind.
"How is he, doctor. Please, how is he?"
"Why don't you sit down, Mr. Taylor. This will take a little while.
First of all, Sean is holding his own. But he is in serious
condition. He has a number of external hematoma caused, as best the
attending physicians can determine, by being kicked with heavy
boots. The worst are on his left thigh. He has a number of other
bruises, but not as significant. Additionally, they were concerned
about his left eye, but further examination has determined that
although he will have quite a shiner, there is no permanent damage
to the eye. His lower arms are badly bruised but not broken. It
appears he used them to protect his face from further injury. We
believe he rolled himself into the fetal position and that accounts
for the serious hematoma on the thigh. All of these are really not
that serious and in days, because he is young, they will disappear."
Dr. Cassin took a deep breath. "Now, there are couple of problems
that you need to be aware of. First, there may have been some injury
to internal organs, that is the reason some additional tests are
being performed. His testicles are swollen since it appears he was
kicked repeated in that area of his body."
I was shaking and on the brink of loosing it. Rog put his arm around
me and whispered that now was the time for me to be strong.
Dr. Cassin went on, "But the worst is that Sean is in a coma. It
might end in an hour or it might go on for days or weeks. We can't
tell. Dr. Lewis, the head of neurosurgery is on his way here. He
will read the CAT scan and MRI, and make a determination of what
should be done. There doesn't appear, at this moment, to be any
swelling of the brain, nor is there evidence of any fluid
accumulation. I am not diagnosing Sean's condition; that will be up
to Dr. Lewis. What I can tell you is that all the preliminaries
indicate that the trauma to his brain has in some way caused him to
lose consciousness. He is in the very best of care. Everyone knows
the brutality of what happened to him. For them, he has become a
special case. This hospital is concerned and Sean will be getting
the best care we have. If Dr. Lewis, one of the best in the nation,
thinks he should be moved elsewhere, he will certainly say so. You
cannot see him yet. After his CAT and other tests, and after Dr.
Lewis sees him and talks with you, I anticipate that Sean will be
placed in Intensive Care. In that case, Mr. Taylor, for the
immediately future, only you will be allowed to see him. And
probably for no more than 10 minutes. I'm sorry for your pain and
the lack of information, but that's the best I can do for you. I
will be back as soon as I have any other news."
"Thank you, doctor." I chocked out. I was too stunned to say
anything else. I just sat there, my head in my hands, trying to be
strong for Sean and feeling so helpless, so inadequate.
Rog, broke the silence. "Look, Ryan, while Cathy and Janet are here,
I want to call Greg. We'll use our cell phones, because we know the
bastards ripped out all of your phones. I want to know what the
police have discovered. I'll be back in a couple of minutes"
"Ok, Thanks." again difficult to get out, but I was getting closer
to being in some kind of control. Cathy put her arm around me and
chose not to say anything. She jumped to her feet, and when I looked
up, President Williams was coming into the room. He strode over to
me and as I stood, he took me into his arms and gave me a super hug.
"Ryan, you can't imagine how upset all of us at State are about this
repulsive matter. I want you to know that the entire facilities of
our college are at your disposal. Whatever help you need, we will be
sure that you get. Our security force is working in conjunction with
the local police force. I know that we will have the culprits in
short order. But all that is really not important. What is important
right now is Sean. Ryan, how is the young man doing?"
"He's, he's................." I couldn't go on.
"Dr. Williams, come over and sit with me, and I will fill you in on
all we know at the moment." said a confident Cathy.
Janet sat near me holding my hand, and whispering encouragement to
me, telling me how I must try to remain in control; it would be so
important to Sean. I just kept shaking my head "yes," but I couldn't
speak, and Janet knew that and did not ask me anything that had to
be answered.
"Dr. Williams is leaving, Ryan." Janet whispered to me.
I stood and I told myself that here was a reason for me to remain in
control and to be a professional and a man who could be in grief,
but who could still maintain some dignity. I approached Dr. Williams
and shook his hand.
"Thank you sir; your coming here is a real tribute to how you feel
about those of us who work with you everyday. I know that in the
future I will be able to tell Sean about your extraordinary
kindness. It will mean as much to him then as it means to me now. I
will let you know more as the doctors tell me more. Thank you again,
sir."
"It's my job, Ryan. People are my job. I told Cathy to arrange
coverage for your classes as long as it takes for you and Sean to
get back on your feet. Don't hurry; classes are important, yes; but
lives and happiness are so much more important. Good night." and he
turned and left.
Rog must have been waiting for Dr. Williams to leave because as soon
as he was out of the room, Rog came back in. He didn't look
troubled, so I was relieved at that.
"Well, this is as much as I know from Greg. The cops have some great
prints. They also have some blood samples that are not Sean's.
Apparently, that wonderful guy of yours, put up one hell of a fight,
because there are three different blood types in that room, Sean's
and the two attackers. Now they are doing a search of police records
for matches, and that stuff. College security is combing your place,
too.
"They have a student directory which they want Sean to take a look
at. The security plainclothesman thinks they were in the music
building this afternoon, but got wise to his presence and left. He
surmises that they followed me and Sean home and did there low-down
dirty stuff shortly after I left.
"But here's the clincher; he checked the student register and has
positively identified one of the guys. The other he didn't find in
the directory. The guy he identified is named Carl Bronson, a
freshman this year at State. The college security and the local
police say he had no priors. They don't want any of this out in the
public just yet. The chief will tell the media what he decides is
necessary. They want to finger the other guy before too much is
said. I sat there wondering why would anyone want to do this? And
then it hit me, hit me like someone hitting me over the head with a
sledge hammer.
"Did you say, Carl Bronson?" I asked.
"Yeh, that's what Greg told me. Why?'
"I had a Dennis Bronson in my course 'Shakespeare's Villains.' I
failed him. He was a terrible student. I think my F caused him to
fail finishing his bachelor's degree program. I don't recall that he
ever came back to finish up his program. I wonder if he is a brother
to this Carl. That might explain something. Rog. Call Greg and have
him tell the police to check out Dennis Bronson. That
son-of-a-bitch, if he and his brother are behind this, I'll tell you
right now, I will pursue them in the courts if it takes the last
dollar I ever earn." I was angry now and it showed in my voice.
Cathy, wonderful, calm Cathy simply said, "Ryan, you have more
important things to do now. Leave this to the authorities. You might
want to know, Ryan, Dr. Williams left a dinner party at his home
with members of the Board of Trustees to come here tonight. That was
how important he thought it was. You can certainly see how much he
thinks of and admires you. Now, you just concentrate on Sean. We'll
take care of everything else. Janet and I are headed to your place
to help with the cleanup; that is if the police are done. Don't
worry; I am calling some other department people and I know they
will be there."
Rog interrupted, "Ryan, Emma Whitehouse told Greg that she already
had a number of your neighbors who wanted to help. And Greg has
called Dan, Tom, Jeff, and Paul and they want to help, too. So,
look, good buddy, you just worry about Sean. We will worry about
everything else. And don't worry, I am staying with you as long as
you need me."
That was just a little too much for me. I was blubbering again. "I'm
sorry, but you guys are such wonderful friends. I will never begin
to repay you."
"Repay us by worrying about Sean. We know he will get better. Count
on us for anything you need. Now Janet and I have to leave. God
Bless you and Sean. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers."
with that Cathy and then Janet kissed me on the cheek and left.
"There goes one hell of a lady." Rog said. "You better believe it.
If anyone has anything to do with my staying here at State, it's
Cathy. And, of course, you, Rog."
"Sure, tell me more bullshit. I have little to do with your staying
at State. Cathy does and so does Sean. If you left, Sean would have
to go with you, right?" Rog said.
"Right!" As I said that, Dr. Cassin came into the room with another
doctor, a tall angular guy who looked more like a boxer than a
doctor.
"Mr. Taylor, this is Dr. Lewis. He would like to give you a report
on Sean." I shook Dr. Lewis' hand and tried to think positive
thoughts. But I was scared. Rog put his hand on my arm and applied
pressure.
"Well, Mr. Taylor, I want to tell you this. That young man in there
is one hell of a fighter. None of internal injuries are life
threatening. He is going to be very sore for a few days. So, I can
report to you that physically, everything is going to be fine. But
there is a problem. There is no apparent injury to Sean's brain, yet
he is still in a coma. It may be just the result of the trauma of
the strikes he took to his head. I know you are not going to like
this, but only time will tell. Now, we don't know how long this will
last. By our calculations he has been unconscious for about five
hours. It's now 11:15 and we assume that the injuries occurred at
about 6 this evening. We have moved Sean into Intensive Care. He's
breathing on his own and his heart is working fine. His liver and
kidneys appear not to be injured. He may pass blood in his urine for
a few days, but that is to be expected. I have instructed all staff
that you are allowed to stay with him as long as you wish. No one
else can see him yet."
"Please Dr. Lewis, would it be all right if my friend Roger comes
with me the first time. I think I need his support." I interrupted.
"Sure, that's okay, but your friend shouldn't stay more than 10
minutes. Is that workable?"
"Oh yes, doctor, I really appreciate that." I told him.
"If there's nothing else, I would like to get back to Sean. Nick,
one of the intensive care nurses, will let you know when you can see
Sean. If you need anything at all, have Dr. Cassin or me paged.
Goodnight. Oh, and one other thing if you wish, a cot can be moved
near Sean. That way you can spend the night here with him."
"Thank you doctors for all you're help and kindness. I would like
the cot even though I don't think I will sleep much. Thank you
again."
The two doctors left and the room was very silent for a moment? Rog,
led me to the sofa and sat me down. He put his arms around me and I
put my head on his shoulder. He stroked my hair and talked to me
like an older brother. He reassured me that everything would be
okay. I think I dozed off for a few minutes, but my sleep was filled
with horrible replays of Sean, bloodied and injured. I awoke with a
groan and I was trembling.
"Bad dream, buddy?" asked Rog.
"The worst, I keep seeing Sean the way I found him. It was terrible.
Rog, at first I thought he was dead. But then I felt his neck and
could feel a strong pulse. I went to pieces, but I knew I had to
call 911 and the police. But the phones were out of order, so I ran
to Emma and George's place. They told me to get back to Sean, so I
raced back. He still looked so hurt, I wasn't sure I should move
him, but I had to take him in my arms and try to make it better for
him. I kept telling him I loved him, and I kissed him, over and
over. It was one of the worst things I have ever been through. Then
other people arrived and I didn't want to let go of Sean, but
someone there was much stronger than I was and they pulled me away."
"That was my Greg. He was devastated by what happened. He held you
for a long time while they worked on Sean. Then when they started to
take Sean away you went ballistic; one kindly EMT decided to let you
ride in the ambulance. The police were already there, but they
quickly determined you were in no condition to be interviewed. I let
them know what had been going on. I told them I had made sure that
Sean was safely in the townhouse before I left. I told them you were
at a staff meeting and wouldn't get home until between six and
seven.
"The college security were there and began to fill in the police
about the threatening at the school. Then Hank Smyth, the college
plainclothes undercover guy showed up with the student directory. He
pointed our the guy who was at the music area today. He didn't know
the other guy, but said he thought they figured out who he was and
left. But he was able to identify one of the guys like I told you,
Carl Bronson. Well,...."
Nick came into the room. He smiled at me and said, "Mr. Taylor..."
"Please call me Ryan." I asked of him.
"Fine, Ryan. You may see Sean now. There are a few things I need to
make you aware of before you go in to see him. He is attached to a
lot of machinery. It's primary purpose is to monitor his various
body functions. He is breathing without any mechanical assistance
which is highly unusual. He is very pale, has numerous bruises on
his face and his arms which you will see immediately. His worst
hematoma is on his thigh. I will show you that if you want to see
it. Also, if I pull his johnny up you are going to see that his
testicles are enlarged, but will return to normal in a few days. Are
you ready?"
"Yes, I am. My friend Roger Fillimore has permission to come in with
me the first time."
"No problem," said a smiling Nick.
I took a deep breath and said, "Let's go.!"
II
As we walked down the corridor to the elevator, my legs seemed to
weaken. I took Rog's arm to steady myself. I know he understood, but
he didn't give Nick any indication. I admired Nick. He was calm,
obviously good at what he did, and a real people person. I needed to
think about that kind of thing so I wouldn't allow myself to think
of what was about to happen to me. Not only would I see my beloved
Sean again, but the whole horror of it would come crashing down on
me. I would hate again, and that scared me. Nick was talking.
"...that will be no problem. You should know, Ryan, that guy is one
hell of a fighter. I know he wants out of that coma; I just think he
can't find his way. He needs someone to help him find his way. I
think that's you, Ryan. But you have to be strong. He needs you as
he remembers you, strong, loving, someone who took care of him. Just
remember when you see him, that the most important thing for Sean
right now is that he makes some connection to you. If he loves you
even a little bit as much as you love him, then I am sure that
connection will be made. That's not medicine talking, that's
experience I have after 9 years in Intensive Care. Miracles of that
nature happen, and don't let anyone tell you differently."
"He loves me more than I could ever begin to explain." that was all
I could say. Rog, gave me a hug.
The elevator door opened. Nick led us to Sean's cubicle.
Rog was on one side of me and Nick was on the other. I was really
frightened at what I was about to see. I silently prayed to God to
give me strength to see it through.
"Let's go in, Ryan." said Rog. I shook my head in the affirmative.
When I saw my beloved Sean, I almost didn't recognize him. He was as
pale as death, and he was bruised and swollen and tubes and wires
were coming out of him in all directions. I felt my legs give out on
me, but Rog and Nick held me up. I heard Rog talking somewhere
removed from me as I gazed as Sean.
"Ryan, come on, Sean needs you." he urged me. Then I heard Nick's
concerned voice.
"Are you going to be okay, Ryan?" he asked.
I took a deep breath and pulled my body up to its normal height and
shook off their arms. I walked over to Sean's bedside. I knelt down
on the cold floor and took his hand into mine. I saw the tubes
running into the top of his other hand. The hand I held seemed free
of any interference from medical technology. I leaned forward and
gently kissed his hand. For the first time, I heard Rog trying very
hard to choke back his emotions. Nick moved up beside me. He put his
hand on my shoulder. "I am going to leave you alone with Sean and
Rog. If you need me just push the button and I will come running.
For your comfort let me tell you that all the monitors tell the same
story; physically Sean will be find. Ryan, help him find his way
back."
Rog was now really having a difficult time not to break down. I
somehow felt stronger now. I didn't want Sean to sense any weakness
in me. Nick left the cubicle. Rog moved over and put his had on my
shoulder. He had regained his composure.
"Look, Ryan, you need to be alone with Sean. I'm going out and talk
with Nick, and then I will go down to the waiting area. There should
be a waiting room near Intensive Care. If there is, Nick will tell
you where I am. Be strong, Ryan because Sean needs you more than he
ever did. Don't let him down." As he left I could hear him chocking
back his emotions again.
I noticed how quiet the cubicle was. The only noises were the hums
and clicks coming from the machinery in the room. I took Sean's hand
in both of mine.
"Sean, baby, I'm here with you and I am not going anywhere. I am
staying with you, baby. I will be here when you wake up and we can
go home together. I miss you so much, baby. I want to see that smile
again. I'm sorry this happened to you. I feel I let you down and
didn't protect you. My God, how they hurt you, Sean. I want you to
know I will find out who did this to you baby, and they will pay
whatever the law allows.
"Please Sean come back to me. Listen to my voice, baby. Come to me.
Follow my voice out to consciousness. Oh, baby...." I started to
lose it again, so I quickly put my lips on his hand and kissed it,
my tears falling onto his hand. I looked up at him and he just lay
there, no expression, no smile, no beautiful eyes. I put my head
down and continued to kiss his hand. I got up from my knees and
leaned over and kissed my precious Sean gently on his lips. He
didn't return my kiss. His lips were cool, not warm as they usually
were. I kissed him again hoping he would respond, but he didn't. I
started talking to him again.
"Sean, remember the night we met at Walgreen's. You know I have
thought about that night many times. If I had kept enough Tylenol at
home, I would never had met you. I know, I know, you believe that we
would have met sooner or later because we were made to be together.
Did you hear that, Sean? We were made to be together. I bet you were
as nervous as I was when we started to drive to your dorm. I wanted
to ask you to come home with me, but I thought that would be too
forward. And I knew I was older than you. But I also knew I had
fallen in love with you the moment I saw you. I don't think I ever
believed in love at first sight until I saw you the first time.
"You were so great that night in the car. You were sure enough of
how you felt to give me that leg business and I returned it, and
then, do you remember telling me you wanted to come home with me. Do
you know that took my breath away and I thought I might faint? You
were so in control, and when I got misty eyed and stopped and you
took me in your arms and you told me not to worry that you were
there. You called me Dr. Taylor, and I told you that I wanted you to
call me Ryan and only to call me Dr. Taylor when you had to. Can you
remember how happy we both were? I couldn't get you into the
townhouse quickly enough. I wanted you so much. Remember the Dagwood
sandwich and all the stuff you told me about your life with your
Aunt Emily and your Uncle Jesse. It was a great time. Then you told
me that I was undressing you with my eyes, and I said I wasn't and
you took off your shirt and I was blown away. Then you came to me
and took off my shirt. Remember asking me to go to bed. Oh, Sean, do
you remember any of this?'
I knew I needed to have a short break, and as I was thinking that
the big wonderful Greg was standing at the opening to the cubicle.
He smiled a small smile and walked into the room. He came to me and
took me in his arms. He just held me.
"Ryan, I'm so sorry that this happened. How's my boy doing? You know
I had yet to meet him. I didn't think it would be under these
circumstances.
Just wanted you to know I was here with Rog. We're in the waiting
room. If you need to talk, come and join us. And if you just want to
sit and be quiet, that's okay, too."
"Thanks, Greg for all you've done tonight. I know Sean will
appreciate it all when he is better. I couldn't have gotten through
this without you and Rog. I will never be able to repay you."
"Look, Ryan, you are our friend; you don't owe us anything except to
continue to be our friend. And that goes for Sean. Do you have any
idea how much admiration Rog has for Sean's ability as a pianist. I
feel I know Sean just from listening to that tape of him playing
that Rog made for Estella. Anyway, that's where we'll be."
"I think I will take a short break, Greg. I hate to leave him even
for a minute. I love him so much. Greg, I miss him."
"Come on, Ryan. Come talk with Rog and me."
I kissed Sean again and stroked his hair. I could hear Greg clearing
his throat in order to control his emotions. I walked to him and he
put his arm around my waist and we walked out to the waiting room.
Nick saw us leave the cubicle. He walked quickly to us. He was
smiling.
"How's it going, Ryan? Any response?" he asked.
"Not that I saw. But I'll be back shortly to talk to him some more.
I know that if I can hit the right thing, he'll come back to me. I
just know that. And I believe what you said, Nick, miracles like
this happen."
"Come on, good buddy," an anxious Greg said, "we got to get to Rog
before he thinks something is wrong." And as he pulled away from
Nick, I heard Nick's parting words.
"Ryan, don't give up hope, Sean needs you to keep hope. Just
remember how much he loves you. Fight to get him back."
I was getting teary eyed, but I forced myself to get composed before
I saw Rog again. Greg had a tight hold of me around my waist, and I
knew that I wasn't going any place that he didn't want me to go.
When we entered the waiting room, Rog jumped up and came to us.
"How's it going, Ryan. Any change." he asked.
"No, just the same. Rog, I have an idea I would like to try. Do you
keep that tape of Sean's playing Chopin at home or is it on campus?"
"I have three of them, one at home, one at school, and I gave one to
Estella Compos. Why?"
"I want to play it for Sean, maybe that will lead him back to
consciousness. I don't know. I think I should try it. What do you
think? Be honest, you two, don't pander to me."
"Hey, buddy. We don't pander. We love you and we want to try to help
you. I think it's a great idea. I'll take a quick trip home and Greg
will stay here just in case you need someone. I should be back in
fifteen minutes."
It was now about 12:15 AM. I stayed with Greg after Rog left, but it
didn't take him long to figure out that I really wanted to be with
Sean."
"Why don't you go back to Sean. I'm fine. If you need me, just holla,
as they say. Ryan, don't give up on Sean." there were tears running
down the big guy's cheeks. I gave him a big hug, and I whispered in
his ear.
"I won't ever give up on the man I love. You can bet on that."
I felt a surge of strength come through me as I said that to Greg. I
left and headed down the corridor to Intensive Care. I was alarmed
when I got near the cubicle; there were a number of doctors and
other staff with Sean. My heart fell. I wanted to rush in, but
Nick's firm hands held me back.
"There's nothing bad going on, just Dr. Cassin, Dr. Lewis and some
other staff who are checking all of Sean's vital signs. He isn't
paralyzed; they have determined that. So that's great news. His body
has already began to heal. They are impressed by that, too. But here
they come, I'll let them tell you."
Dr. Lewis came to me immediately and shook my hand. He smiled and I
knew that meant good news.
"Sean is doing so well. He's remarkable. He's fighting like a
trooper; and I am sure that he is trying to get back to you. Keep
talking to him. It will help. He's a fine young man; you are
fortunate that he cares so much for you. When he is on the mend, I
will have to tell him how much you demonstrated your love for him.
It isn't always that we see such devotion and caring."
"Thank you, Dr. Lewis. Sean is a rather good pianist. I wondered if
I might play a tape of him playing Chopin. We could use earphones so
that no one would be disturbed. I thought that might help bring him
back. Do I have your permission?" I asked.
"You certainly do, and I think it's a wonderful idea. Dr. Cassin and
I will be here until 3:00 AM. Then Dr. Franklin will take over. He's
second in command of neurosurgery, a top notch guy. He'll be along
later to introduce himself. You take care. If Sean doesn't wake up
before morning, you will see us again. And if you would prefer,
either or both of us will stay all night. Just let us know. We have
some other duties right now. Hope the music helps. Good night."
Nick had heard the exchange. "When you have the tape, let me know
and I will help you get him into the ear phones. I think it's a
great idea. Gene did, too; he smiled and winked at me to let me know
he was on your side. Gene is such a warm, loving man. I know I am
lucky. And Ryan, when Sean wakes up, I want to tell him how lucky he
is to have you as his partner. Now get in there and talk to him." I
couldn't resist, so I took Nick in my arms and gave him a huge hug.
"I think, Gene is damn lucky to have you as his partner. You have
helped me face this ordeal with kindness and caring. I will never
forget." Nick just smiled at me as I turned and went into Sean's
cubicle.
I didn't respond so negatively this time when I saw Sean. The
swelling didn't seem as bad. His face had some color. I was so
elated by just those simple changes. I pulled a chair to the bedside
and took his hand in both of mine. It was warmer now. I kissed it
longingly and with such utter love that I almost felt I would melt
into his hand and become part of him as I had done when we made
love. He did not show any response. I stood again and kissed his
lips, still soft, but there was no return. He just lay there.
I decided I had to see his thigh so I carefully pulled back the
covers. I softly lifted his Johnny and when I saw his thigh I almost
lost it. The bruise was large and ugly and it covered almost his
entire left thigh. It wasn't one massive bruise but a number of
others, I guess where the toe of the boot must have hit him. I
lifted the Johnny and when I saw his testicles, I almost screamed.
They were twice their normal size and they were discolored. I leaned
in and kissed them as gently as is humanly possible. There was no
reaction from Sean. I kissed his limp penis. As I was pulling away,
Nick came into the cubicle. I didn't hurry. I pulled all the clothes
and linens back into place. I looked at Nick, and I know he saw some
terror in my eyes.
'Ryan, look. I know how terrible his privates look, but in a very
short time, maybe tomorrow, that swelling will go down. It is
already subsiding, but Sean's body is working overtime to repair the
damage all over his body. Give it time, Ryan. And Ryan, there's no
problem with me seeing what you just did; and I did, because there's
a video camera in here so we can monitor him, but I wouldn't get
into that, until later when he is in a private room. Then you can
show him how much you love him in another private way." he told me.
My face reddened and I didn't know what to say. Nick solved that
problem for me.
"Ryan, what you just did was one of those beautiful moments that we
are sometimes privileged to see. Don't be ashamed of what you did. I
was really moved by it. But Ryan, there are others here who would
have your thrown out his room and perhaps the hospital. So be
aware." Just as he finished, Rog came into the cubicle with the
tape, a small tape player and a pair of earphones.
"Thanks Rog, we'll try this right now. My god, I hope it works."
"No problem, Ryan. Let us know. I'm going back to sit with Greg.
Call us if you need us."
While Rog was talking to me, Nick had already placed the earphones
on Sean. He handed me the player. I looked up at Sean and said a
private prayer, "Dear God, let him hear this music and let it lead
him back to me." Nick quietly left.
I sat in the chair, took Sean's hand and turned on the player. I
watched him intently, but there was no response. I was sleepy, but I
had no intention of falling asleep, but I did. I awoke some time
later, the tape finished. Sean hadn't changed a bit. I checked the
clock, it was 2:45 AM. I felt completely useless. I was afraid the
coma would continue for a long time. I hated the world and myself
but especially those two Bronson brothers. My God, how I hated them.
I realized very quickly that hating them or myself or the world
wouldn't help Sean. I carefully removed the earphones and put the
stuff on the bedside table.
I put my head down on his hand. I kissed it again. I heard myself
talking to Sean, but it seemed to be in a place apart from the
hospital:
"Sean, baby, do you remember the song I told you about. The one I
recited the lyrics to. Remember that Neil Diamond song. And I
started to say the words:
The Story of My Life, Is very plain to read. It starts the day you
came, And ends the day you leave.
The Story of My Life, Begins and ends with you. The names are still
the same, The story's still the truth.
I was alone, you found me waiting. You made me your own. I was
afraid that somehow I never could be the man The man that you wanted
of me.
and I couldn't go on. My eyes filled with tears that fell onto
Sean's hand. My eyes closed; I was so tired. And then I thought Sean
had squeezed my hand. But no, it was just approaching sleep that had
fooled me. I squeezed again. But nothing. I kissed his hand again,
this time keeping my lips against his hand.
I heard a hoarse whisper, "Hey, Ry. I would rather you kissed me
here on my lips, lover. Maybe I'm too ugly now for that." followed
by a little of that enchanting giggle.
I looked slowly up at him. There were those sparkling blue eyes,
that smile that always melted me. With tears running down my face I
got up and leaned in and kissed him gently on his lips.
"No," Sean said, "kiss me our love-making way." So I did.
Then I let out a yell of joy that must have been heard for 40 miles
around!
To be continued...
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