Finding Love: A Journey – II
By: Scotty
(© 2008 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

 

After groaning his pleasure, Gary murmured, “If you fuck me like this on a regular basis, you’ll never get rid of me.”

“Then you’re mine forever,” gasped Jim as he began to explode in his lover who was already in the midst of a monumental climax.

Lying there on the bed, gasping and breathing hard, hearts beating rapidly and perspiration mixing with the semen on both their bodies from Gary’s cum, they luxuriated in their love and comfort with each other.

“We’ll get through this together,” Jim whispered.

“I promise you, Jim, that I will never think of leaving you again,” added a satisfied Gary as he kissed Jim’s chin.

Weary and fulfilled, the two lovers fell asleep.

Chapter 3

Adam was awake early Saturday morning.  In fact, he had not slept well most of the night.  His stomach was churning and he even perspired thinking about his date with Devon.  ‘Luckily,’ he thought, ‘at least I don’t have to go to the game with him because he’s dressing.  Perhaps I can go to the game with Jacob.’  He would ask Jacob later.

He got out of bed and wandered over to his desk.  The computer was still on, but was in power-saver mode.  He touched a key and brought the machine back to electronic life.  He sat in the chair and went to his e-mail.  He typed in Devon’s address and on the subject line typed ‘Hey!’ 

Adam rolled his eyes and reached for the backspace key to erase the stupid subject, but he stopped, wondering if there was anything better he might use.  There wasn’t.  He moved the cursor to the body of the message, sat and stared vacantly at the screen, and then slowly typed,

Hey, Devon!

I can’t sleep, at least not for any length of time. It’s 5:18 in the morning.  It’s just beginning to get light in the eastern sky.  I know I’m being a jerk, especially writing to you at this time of morning, but I just wanted to say hello.  Forgive me for this stupidity. 

Adam

He put the computer into screen-saver mode, turned off the light in the room and crawled back into bed.  He couldn’t sleep as all he could think about was Devon and tonight and what might happen and how would he react to it and would he respond to Devon the way Devon hoped.  It was crazy.  He pulled the covers over his head, hoping as he did, that it might shut out the growing light in the room and also his thoughts of Devon.  It took care of the light in the room, but not his thoughts of Devon.  ‘God, please help me.  I want to do the right thing, but I desire Devon in a physical way.  Please help me sort it out.’ he silently prayed.  He soon fell asleep.

Later he awoke again to find the room bathed in bright Florida morning sunlight.  He opened one eye and looked toward the clock.  It’s big digital numbers read 8:10.

“Holy shit, Sadie will rip my balls off if I’m late for breakfast.  I only have twenty minutes.  No shower before breakfast this morning,” he said aloud to no one and everyone.  He was brushing his hair when the computer announced “You Have Mail.”  Adam hurried to the computer, sat down, and brought the e-mail account up.  There was the message from Devon.  His hand shook slightly as he opened the message which was titled on the subject line: “Poor Baby”.  He read the message slowly,

My Poor Baby,

Saw your message first thing this morning.  I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep  You’re not a jerk and your message was not stupid.  You made my heart beat a little faster when you told me you just wanted to say hello.  I dreamt about you last night, Adam.  We were lying on the grass in a meadow filled with flowers. 

We didn’t have our shirts on, but we had shorts on. We began to touch each other’s bodies, and then we were kissing.  You tried to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t let you go.  Finally, you relaxed and began to return my kisses.  Your hands began to feel my body, and just as you reached my cock, I woke up.

I hope telling you my dream doesn’t make you afraid or not wanting to be with me tonight.  It’s just a dream that I thought you would enjoy hearing about. Wait for me after the game and I’ll take you home.
       
D.

Adam wasn’t sure what he thought about the dream, but he did know that he wanted to wait for Devon and come home with him after the game.  He clicked on reply and typed.

D,

 I will wait for you and you can take me home.  We can discuss your dream then.  If you play in the game, please be careful.  I want you whole and healthy.  I miss you and hope you miss me.

A.

He was just about to get up from the computer when “You Have Mail,” announced the arrival of another e-mail.  It was a brief message from Devon.  It read,

A,

I’m glad you want me to take you home.   I’ll be careful if I get to play.  Yes, I do miss you, more than I can really explain.
       
D.

Adam smiled, put away the mail and headed down to the dining room and breakfast.

*****

I was the first to wake on Saturday morning.  I was spooned up against Brad’s back, my arm thrown across my lover’s chest.  I kissed Brad’s neck, and stroked his shoulder.  This didn’t seem to help awaken Brad.  I decided that I would let him sleep.  As I took my arm from his chest and moved a little away from him, hoping to get up and to the bathroom to take a piss, Brad grabbed my hand and pulled me back against him.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” he asked.

I started laughing, telling Brad, “I have to piss so bad that if you don’t let me go, I’ll piss all over your back.”  Brad didn’t move.

“Go ahead, piss on me.  Just remember you’ll have to deal with a very angry Sadie,” he said.

“Please?” I begged.

“You wimp,” giggled Brad, “only if I can hold your prick while you piss.”

“Really?” I snickered.

“Of course, Baby, you know I love your cock,” he said.

I took that opportunity to pull away from Brad and sprint across the room and into the bathroom where I barely had the time to get to the toilet.  Luckily I was naked, because if I had tried to get my cock out of underwear, I would have pissed all over myself.  If you are familiar with the need to piss first thing in the morning, then you know the sheer pleasure of letting loose the powerful stream.  It’s almost as good as reaching a climax.  When I opened my eyes, Brad was standing in the doorway with a gigantic smirk on his face, sporting a huge morning wood.

I walked over to him and grabbing his hard penis, pulled him to the toilet where I held his cock while he released his stored up urine from last night.  When he finished, he pulled me into his arms and began to kiss me wildly.

We broke our embrace and Brad asked with a smile in his voice, “Which one of us is the bigger slut?”  Then he moved down my body, licking me as he fell to his knees.  He took my cock into his mouth and began to do wonderful things with his tongue.  I sighed and put my hands on the back of his head, but with no intention of changing his tempo or increasing the depth to which he took my penis.  Then I laughed.  Brad took my cock out of his mouth and looked up at me.  I smiled down at him and assured him,

“At the moment, Sweetheart, you’re the bigger slut.”

I fell to my knees and we embraced. but laughing loudly. The bathroom acted like a mountain range and a valley amplifying the volume. Our laughter sort of ricocheted around the bathroom making us laugh even harder.  Then all of a sudden, Brad pulled away from me and looked at me with glistening eyes, “Jacob Neilson, do you have any idea how much I love you?  My God, Jake, it consumes me.”  He hugged me again our naked bodies molding together like a hand in a glove.

We knelt there in each others arms, not speaking, my head on Brad’s shoulder, his lips on my ear.  We could feel the hardness of each other, but at that moment, it was secondary to the feeling of love that swept over us, bringing us to a realization that our love for each other was the most important thing in our lives.  Finally, Brad kissed my ear and whispered, “I love you so much, Baby, so much.”

My emotions were so taut that for a moment I was unable to speak.  When I did find my voice, I raised my head, kissed Brad gently on the lips and told him, “I know, I know how much you love me.  I hope you can feel my love for you every minute of every day.  And I pray to God that feeling will be with you for our lives together, and if it’s possible, that it will continue into what comes after.”  For an answer, Brad kissed me with passion but gentleness.  We both knew that the true realization of our partnership was more than sex and for that reason, we stood and went to the shower.

That shower was filled with gentleness and feeling the smoothness of each other, following the contours of our bodies, sharing kisses to our bodies.  It was romantic, I guess, but there was no movement toward sex.  We were quiet as we left the shower and dried each other.  Hand in hand we went to the bedroom and dressed, kissing frequently.  We unlocked the suite and headed toward breakfast only a minute or so late.  Sadie made no comment, and my father and Diane were quiet, too.  Adam, however, did make a comment.

“Did you guys get stuck in bed?  Thought you’d never get down here so we could start breakfast.  I was on time,  Right, Dad?”

“Right, Adam,” said my Dad.  As he spoke, Peter, Chris and Mr. and Mrs. Li appeared in the dining room.  Brad nudged me and I looked toward Peter and Chris who were holding hands and who would kiss gently from time to time.  ‘What’s good the the goose is good for the gander,” I thought as I took Brad’s hand and kissed him quickly on the lips.  He quickly kissed me back just as Beth came into the dining room carrying a large tray filled with eggs, ham, french toast, pancakes, biscuits and gravy.  Sadie followed her with a large container of grits, and jams and jellies.

Beth Mason started the breakfast with a simple prayer,

“Dear Lord,” she said, “Give my two sons and their partners years of joy and happiness.  Let all of us learn from them the the power of love.  Amen”

“Amen,” came the group response.

What followed was a lively breakfast, filled with good food, entertaining humor and much talk about the day.

“Hopefully” said Brad’s mother, “your football coach won’t do anything stupid like putting you in the game.  You’re not ready for that.”

Brad looked at me and then at Chris and Peter.  I decided it was up to me, so I told everyone, “If coach tries to put Brad in the game, I’ll go out on the field and pull him out.  If he resists, I’ll kiss him in front of the entire team and all the football fans at the game.”

“Hurrah!” said Peter.  “Make that two hurrahs,” added Chris.

Laughing, Sadie said, “I’m not a football fan, but I might go to this afternoon’s game just on the chance that I could see Jacob pull Brad off the field.”

“I think the kissing stuff would be more fun,” said Adam with a delightful giggle.

Brad got out of his chair and faced Jacob, “You really wouldn’t do that would you?  I mean . . .”

Interrupting him, I said, “I most certainly would because I don’t want you to reinjure the shoulder that I love.  So count on it, Sweetcakes, I most certainly would do it.”  I got up, pulled him into an embrace and kissed him.

“Yucky!” laughed Adam.  Brad reached over and slapped Adam on the head, more with affection than anything else.

<Laughter!>

“Lorraine and I have to drive down to West Palm to complete some business.  We probably won’t be back until after dinner, so please don’t wait for us.”  Lorraine looked at Peter, smiled and added,

“If you and Chris want to come with us, that’s fine with us.”

Chris and Peter exchanged some whispered consultation.  Finally Peter told his parents that he and Chris wanted to take the new car for a spin, and they wanted to go to the football game.

My dad and Diane were showing three houses that were for sale and Brad’s mother wanted to go to her home.  She had things to take care of, and some school work to do.

Sadie laughed and told us all that she had plenty to do at the house.  “How many of you folks will be here for dinner tonight.  Let’s say six, because Adam is going to the movies tonight and wants to leave by six thirty.”

“We’ll be here, Sadie, but don’t wait for us if we’re late,” said Diane. 

“I’ll be back to help you, Sadie,” chimed in Beth.

“Same for us,” added Peter.

“We’ll be here,” said Jacob.

“Me, too,” giggled Adam.

“Maybe, I’ll fix stuff for the grilling, and salads and things that you can get even if you’re late,” suggested Sadie.

Everyone shook their heads in agreement with Diane telling Sadie,  “It’s a great idea.  Now let’s help Sadie get these dishes and things into the kitchen.  Then we can all leave to do what we need to do.”

There was a general exodus into the kitchen with everyone carrying dishes, leftovers, and utensils.  The exceptions were Peter and Brad.  Then everyone left for their rooms to ready themselves for the day.

*****

Brad and I had only been in the suite for a couple of minutes when there was a knock at the door.  It was Adam.

He came slowly into the room.  He stopped, not coming to the sofa where I sat with Brad.  “Come over and sit down with us, Adam,” Brad said.

“Can’t stop, but I wanted to ask if I could ride to the game with you guys?”

“Sure.  No problem,” I told him.

“Meet us after the game at the car and you can come home with us,” added Brad.

“I don’t need a ride home, but thanks  Adam started to leave, but I interrupted his departure, “How are you getting home?”

With a very red face and looking at the floor more than at either of us, he half whispered, “I’m coming home with Devon.”

“Great,” I said, “But if your plans change, just meet us at the car or tell me before the game ends,” I told him.

“It would be great if Devon got to play this afternoon,” Brad said. “He deserves some playing time.”

“I think it would make him very happy,” said Adam.  “And I know that I would like to see him play,” he continued.

“We have to leave a little early because Brad’s dressing, at least in the jersey.  Game starts at 1:30, so we want to leave here right after lunch.  Sadie said she’d have sandwiches and stuff at twelve, so we should leave here by 12:30.”

“Got it, and I’ll be ready to leave after we finish lunch.  Thanks guys, you always make me feel better.”  Adam left the suite closing the door quietly behind him.

“He’s so cute,” Brad said.

“Tell me something I didn’t know,” I added.

“He’s really smitten for Devon.”

“I noticed.  Every time he mentions Devon’s name, his face flushes.”

“That’s what I meant when I said he was cute.  I’ll rip Devon’s balls off if he hurts Adam in anyway.”

“Ha!  You’ll have to wait in line, Sweetcakes, ‘cause I’ll be there first and you’d have to hunt for his nuts.”

We were both laughing now, and for some reason laughter like that always gets us hot.  So in a minute we were all over each other.

Let’s finish what I started this morning,” said a breathless Brad.  My answer was to start pulling his clothes off.  He didn’t object.

*****

The game was one to forget.  Sebastian High won the game 21-3.  Devon didn’t play, and I didn’t need to kiss Brad in front of the fans as he didn’t play either.  But my heart expanded and I was as proud as a peacock, when Brad was introduced before the game and received a standing ovation.

Adam sat with me in the stands, while Brad sat on the bench, interestingly taking a seat next to Devon.  I noticed it immediately, but apparently Adam didn’t or he chose not to mention it to me.  Neither of us had much to cheer about.  The hot dogs, hamburgers and soda made the time pass a little quicker.  Peter and Chris were there.  We waved at them, and I noticed that they left the game at halftime.  I understood why.

I noticed a couple of cute girls ogling Adam, who if he was aware, didn’t show it.  I did notice, though, that often during the game, Adam’s attention was directed to one of the players who sat on the bench: Devon.  I chuckled to myself remembering how I fell hopelessly for Brad.  Watching Adam during the game made me wonder if he was feeling the same way I had those weeks ago, which now seemed long ago.

When the game ended, Adam stood up and began waving at the team as they were leaving the field.  Devon saw him immediately and waved back.  I noticed Devon’s smile and demeanor, and was certain that he really liked Adam.  I could relax.  Brad was waiting for us when we climbed out of the bleachers.  He was smiling in that mischievous way that meant trouble for someone. When we reached him and he began speaking, I knew Adam was his special target.

“Hey Adam, didn’t you notice that Devon had eyes for me.  Kept giving me the eye,” said Brad with a satanic giggle.

“He did not.” challenged Adam.  I smiled at Brad and shook my head slightly hoping he would get the message to go easily.  But he didn’t seem to understand or to care.

“And how would you know, Adam.  Did you have your eyes on him throughout the whole game.  Bet you can’t tell me one of the Sebastian players who made a touchdown.  Can you?”

“No, I can’t because Jacob and I were talking and we went to the refreshment stand and got hot dogs and hamburgers and enjoyed the game as best we could,” offered Adam a slight edge in his voice.

“Brad, did you get a chance to talk much with Devon,” I asked praying I could change the subject.

“No, he was too busy checking on Adam.”

“Did he really, Brad?  Did he?” asked Adam.

“He sure did, dude.  I think he got a thing for you.”

“Brad, please be a good boy and change the subject,” I urged.

“I really like him.  He’s a great guy and he likes me, too.  I’m nervous about tonight because I don’t want to do anything stupid.  I don’t want to mess up what could be a friendship.”

I knew I had to get involved or Brad, who loved to rib everyone, would get carried away.  “Adam, don’t worry about it.  You’re a good guy, smart, good looking, well mannered, and you won’t screw up your friendship with Devon.  Brad is a great kidder, so don’t pay too much attention to him.  We’re going to head home.  Say hi to Devon for me and we’ll see you at home.”

“No offense, Adam, it’s just my way to have some fun.  Forgive me,” said a somewhat chastised Brad.

“Forgiven.  Now I have to go find Devon.  Bye.” Adam hurried away leaving both of us smiling.

“Jake, I really like Adam,” said Brad.

“So do I,” I added and snuck a quick kiss.

“Slut!” Brad whispered and we were laughing again and I  knew where that would lead.  At least that was my wish.

*****

Adam was nervous as he waited for Devon.  He wondered what they would talk about on the way to the house.  He felt stupid and afraid.  He knew that he liked so much about Devon, but he didn’t really know what to do to show it.  He thanked God for the computer and Instant Messenger; with those he didn’t have to face Devon and say things that would be difficult to say.  Writing them was easier.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Devon said interrupting Adam’s reverie.

Adam spun around to face Devon and stumbled falling into Devon’s arms.

“Gotcha!” said Devon.

Now Adam was sure he couldn’t go to the movies tonight; he just couldn’t.  Suddenly he became aware that he was still in Devon’s arms. He liked the feeling even as Devon hugged him more intensely.  Steadying himself, he said,

“I’m okay now.  I’m just a klutz, that’s all.  I guess you surprised me and I stumbled.  Please forgive me for falling so you had to catch me.” 

Devon smiled and loosened his arms from around Adam.  “I liked having you fall in my arms.  Did you?”

“Yeah, it seemed nice, but I don’t know if we should be standing here like this.  I mean, some guys might not like it.”

Just then Jared Willington came by, “Hey, you two dating and not telling the rest of us?”

Devon was quick, and with a tentative laugh, told Jared that I had stumbled and he had caught me.  By then we were both standing on our own.  I was shaking a little, hoping that Jared hadn’t noticed.

Jared slapped Devon’s butt as he passed, smiled at me and began whistling some tune I didn’t recognize, but Devon did because he started giggling.

“What’s so funny,” I asked.

“Oh, it was just the tune Jared was whistling.  It was “Love is a Many Splendored Thing.”

“What the hell is that?” I asked.

“It’s an old song.  Don’t worry about it.  Jared’s just a clown.  Come on, let’s get going.  I need to get you home so that I can pick you up at 6:30.”

We headed for the car and I didn’t worry about being with Devon because he had a way of taking care of things.  I liked him more and more.

*****

After we got home from the game, we stopped and chatted with Sadie who insisted that we have a snack of brownies and milk.  We didn’t resist her offer.

“Jacob, who is this boy that Adam is going to the movies with tonight.  Adam hasn’t said much about him.  Do you guys know him?”

Brad just sat there, pushing brownies into his mouth, stopping just to smile at me.  I got the message: it was my problem.

I began, “Well, Sadie, Devon’s on the football team.  Brad knows him better than I do.”  Brad shook his head, some crumbs of brownies falling from his lips.  I wanted to kick his ass, but instead, I continued.  “He’s a first rate student and actually met Adam in German class.  They just hit it off and are friends.”

“Hmmm,” said Sadie, her voice filled with skepticism.

I elbowed Brad in his good arm sending him a firm message, which luckily he got.  “Adam’s really pleased to have a friend at school, someone other than the two of us.  He seems happy to us.  He’s talked to us about Devon and we’ve given him some good advice about friendship.  He’s okay!”

Sadie was stirring her tea, so much in fact, I wondered if she would wear out the china cup.  She looked directly at me, and in a quiet, but firm voice asked, “Is this just a friendship, or is it more?”

“What do you mean, Sadie?” I asked.

“Is this a gay thing?” she asked.

“Not as far as we know.  Adam is trying to figure out his sexuality.  Right at the moment, he’s just friendly with Devon.  Sadie, I don’t mean to be impertinent, but if you want any more information, than you should ask Adam.” 

Brad sat there with his mouth open, evident because it was brownie filled.  “Come on, Brad, let’s go to the suite.  We have some homework to do before dinner.”

“Just one minute, Jacob Neilson.  I need to apologize to you two for asking personal questions about Adam.  I should not have done that.  Forgive me?” Sadie offered.

As we hugged Sadie, we reassured her that we had no reason to forgive her.  All of us had always felt free to ask each other any questions.  Satisfied, Sadie finally drank her tea.

*****

Brad and I had only been in our suite for twenty minutes when there was a soft knock on the door.

“Must be Sadie,” Brad whispered in my ear and then the bastard tongued it, making me crazy for sex.

“Yes?”

“It’s me, Adam.  Can I come in?”

“Sure,” replied Brad.  I grabbed and squeezed his balls.

“Damn,” he cried out.  I just laughed and then he joined me.

Adam stood in the doorway trying, I suppose, to figure out what we were up to.  I got control of my laughter and said,

“So, Adam, what can we do for you?”

“What should I wear tonight.  I mean it’s the first real date I’ve ever had.  I don’t know what to wear.”

Brad rubbed my semi-hard cock through my jeans, as he told Adam, “Why don’t you go put on something, and we’ll let you know what we think.”

“You two are such good friends.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Adam closed the door as he left, and in a millisecond I was all over Brad.  I was trying to pull off his T-shirt off, and he was trying to unbutton my jeans and get the zipper down.  We were kissing wildly.

Laughing as I pulled away from Brad, I said, “And who’s the slut now?”

Brad had me on the floor now and had my jeans and boxers down around my ankles.  Before I could react, he had my cock deep in his throat where he worked wonders with the muscles there.  I wrapped my legs around his head, holding him to me.  He began the up and down motion that I loved, and soon I was working with him, pushing into his throat and holding still while he pulled off my hard prong. 

“Stop for a minute, Brad, get out of those shorts and boxers and let me enjoy your cock.  We can 69.  Come on, I want to suck your cock.  Moments later we were in a glorious sixty-nine, when Adam came into the room and stood by the doorway watching us.

“I’ll come back later.  Sorry.” and he was shut the door.

We both were laughing around the delicious cocks we had in our mouths and throats.  We didn’t stop, though, and finally shared our hot juice with each other.  Lying there, now kissing each other in a rapture, we realized what poor Adam had seen, and probably what it brought back to him.  He must have seen such things at the Colony.  How absolutely stupid of us!

“Brad, how are we going to set this right.  He’ll think we are just like those bastards at the Colony.  Get dressed.  We have to go to him and try to explain.”  I was practically dressed when there was a knock at the door.  Brad finished dressing, and asked,

“Yes?”

“It’s me, Adam.  I came to apologize.”

“Come in, but you don’t need to apologize.  We need to tell you how sorry we are that you saw us in a very private moment,” I told Adam who was now in the room his head bent down so that he didn’t have to face either of us.

Brad had gotten up off the sofa and walked over to Adam.  He reached out to hug Adam, but Adam moved away, just enough so that Brad understood but was hurt.  Brad cleared his throat, and told Adam,

“We forgot you and everything else because we suddenly wanted to give pleasure to each other to show our love.  We were stupid, and need to ask your for forgiveness.”

I had joined Brad standing by Adam.  I had tears in my eyes, and words caught in my throat, “ I . . . I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Adam.  I feel terrible, just awful.”

It was then that Adam showed he could forgive because he put his arms around the two of us.  No one said anything, until in a soft, forgiving voice, Adam told us,

“I can understand you want to make love, but what I saw was much like what I had seen at the Colony.  There was a difference, though.  Neither of you were being forced; you were doing what you were doing because you wanted to do it.  Just forget about it.  I forgive both of you because I love you.  Now, how’s this outfit? ”

For the first time since he came into the room, we really looked at Adam.  He stood there in a pair of dress trousers, dress shoes, and a white shirt and tie.  Brad looked bewildered, and I struggled to come up with the right words to tell Adam how we felt about his outfit.

“You look very nice, Adam, but perhaps you might dress a little more informally.  Brad can tell you that I dressed like that when I first arrived here from up North.  In Florida, except for very special gatherings, we dress down just a little.  Why don’t you try a nice T-shirt, some shorts, and sandals and no socks.”

“That sounds good to me, Adam.  And the way you’re dressed is much better than anything Jacob wore when I met him. I’ll tell you the story sometime.  Get back to your room and change,” Brad said in agreement.

“Thanks, guys,” he said as he hastened from the room.

Brad took my hand and led me back to the sofa.  He had a worried look on his face, and I could only imagine how guilty he felt about our stupid behavior.  We sat on the sofa, and I just couldn’t speak.  I was ashamed of our totally selfish behavior, not thinking about anyone just ourselves and our own pleasure.  I knew that we had not done anything wrong, but I was astonished that we had forgotten that Adam had come into the room.

Finally, as he squeezed my hand so tightly that it hurt, Brad spoke,  “Imagine how much I feel like dog shit, Jake.  I mean Adam could forgive our loss of intelligence in behaving a little like animals, forgetting him and what he had been through.  I remember what you said to me about my father.  You told me that I had to forgive him or it might make me dry up like a leaf at autumn’s end.  I didn’t really think about it because I wanted to hate him for he had done to you, to Chris and to me.  I understand now, because of Adam, that forgiving is better than hating.  It frees the person doing the forgiving and the person who is forgiven.  I have to rethink how I feel about my father.”

“This is why I love you, Bradley Mason.  You learn, you care about people, and you love me.  I read somewhere that anyone can hate, but it costs to love.  I told you once that I want to spend my life with you, well, that hasn’t changed.  I’m ashamed of what we did to Adam, having him see us the same way he saw some of the horrors at the Colony.  And yet he forgave us because he has seen what hate can do.  There was much hate at the Colony,” I told my lover.

There was a soft knock at the door.

“Come in,” I said.

Adam came into the room and stood still as we both looked at him.

“You’ve got it, Adam.  You look great,” Brad said.

“No doubt about it, you look great.  Devon will be impressed.”

“Do you really think that, Jacob?” asked a doubtful Adam.

“Absolutely,” I replied.

“Thanks, you guys.  We’d better get going.  Sadie doesn’t like it when we’re late for a meal.”  Adam smiled broadly and left the room.

Brad pulled me into his arms and gave me the gentlest kiss I had ever received.  I sort of melted, and after the kiss, I rested my head on his shoulder.  Brad kissed me again, and with a light laugh, said,  “And he’s cute, too.”

I gently poked his biceps.  He laughed.  I kissed him.

*****

After I left Jacob and Brad in the suite, I hurried back to my room.  I was shaking thinking about what Jacob had said about Devon being impressed with me.  I wanted to chat with them about my date, once again trying to find out exactly how I should behave.  But the more I thought about this, the more I began to feel better about how I should behave.  I finally knew the answer to the question for which I had been searching: I would be myself.  I did know that I would have to wash away the image of Jacob and Brad on the floor making love.  I was a little ashamed that it had actually stimulated me, and perhaps that’s why it upset me. They had a right to do what they were doing of their own free will. 

As I was walking to the dining room and was about to pass Jake’s suite, Brad and Jake came out and joined me.  We arrived at the dining room to find a large buffet of food: lasagna, salads, cold roast beef, warm home made rolls and bread.  There were pies and a cake for dessert.  I’m afraid I didn’t eat too much, which I could tell amused Jake and Brad.

Finally, I was able to excuse myself and hurry to my room where I brushed my teeth, checked my hair, and splashed some cologne on my face and neck.  ‘There,” I thought, ‘that takes care of all that I can control.’  My thoughts were interrupted when Brad called to me, “Devon’s here.”

I practically ran down the hall to the dining room, slowing only when I got close.  I tried to walk nonchalantly into the room, but my legs had a mind of their own, and I suspect that I sort of warbled into the dining room.  I found Devon in a quiet conversation with Sadie, while my two brothers sat at the table eating desserts.  The were smiling in a mischievous way.  It caused me a little concern.

“Hi, Adam, are you ready to go?” asked Devon.

“Yes, I am.  I see someone introduced you to Sadie.”

Both Sadie and Devon smiled and shook their heads ‘yes’

“Jacob took care of the introductions,” Devon told me.

“Yeah, we thought Sadie should put her stamp of approval on him,” Brad said with a laugh.

“I think I passed the Sadie test, Adam.  Sadie said she liked me and that I was to take good care of you.  It I don’t take good care of you she told me she would take care of me, and I knew she didn’t mean that in a friendly manner.  And I’d like to report to all of you that I really like Sadie.  She obviously loves you guys which puts her in a special class of people.  I was a little boy when my parents were killed, so I have been raised by my wonderful grandparents.  But enough about me, it’s time to get going, Adam,” Devon told all of us.

As we were leaving, Sadie asked Jacob and Brad, “What are you two boys doing tonight?”

With a wicked laugh, I said,  “Brad and I are going to take in a movie.  Perhaps we’ll see you two there and we can all sit together.”  Brad was giggling now, and Adam threw a looked laced with daggers.

Devon, ever the gentleman, suggested, “That would be great, and you guys can buy the popcorn and soda.  See you there.”

“Yeah, I can hardly wait,” said an infuriated Adam.

After they left, Sadie in her usual clever way told us,  “You two are devils.  You aren’t going to the movies, are you?”

“No, Sadie, we’re not, but it was fun to give Adam a little something to worry about.  He’s not sure how to act tonight.  He’s never had a friend and he really likes Devon,” I informed Sadie.

She pondered what I had said and then announced, “You aren’t telling me the whole story, but I suspect for Adam this seems like a date.  Does Devon feel that way?”

“Honestly, we don’t know what Devon feels about tonight’s excursion to the movies.  But he’s an all right kind of guy, so I really trust him.  He’s on the football team, but hasn’t played much,” Brad said.

Sadie began to pick up dirty dishes, but stopped and looked at the two of us, carefully examining us for any hint of behavior that might betray what we had told her.  She began again, and stopped again.  Still holding a couple of dirty plates, she turned just before exiting into the kitchen and said,  “Well, I liked Devon.  He’s intelligent, a gentlemen, respects his elders, and more importantly than that, he’s smitten with Adam.  Tonight is Adam’s first date and the first tentative exploration of his sexuality.  I know that Devon will not try anything outside the bounds of decency.  Yes, I like Devon.  But mark my words, you two boys, if he does anything to hurt Adam, then I will be out after him.”  And she hurried into the kitchen.

*****

As we walked to Devon’s car, neither of us said anything.  Devon was still driving the older Oldsmobile that I had already been a passenger in twice.  Devon unlocked the doors and we got in.  Before he started the car, he turned and looked at me, “I hope you won’t be embarrassed being seen on a date with me  in this car, Adam.   Some of your friends will probably see us together, and well, you deserve something better.  I use it all the time, but it is actually my grandfather’s second car.  He has a beauty of a Toyota Camry, but I don’t get to drive it unless he’s with me.

I laughed lightly and said, “I would never be embarrassed if you’re with me.  That’s what’s important to me.  Please don’t worry about the car.”  I saw Devon swallow hard.

“That’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.  Thank you, Adam, thank you very much.”  And when he smiled at me, I swear my heart stopped beating for a brief moment.

We both settled into our seats and fastened our seat belts.  Are you ready?” Devon asked.

“I’m ready.”

“Okay, then let’s head out to the theater.  Have you thought about what you’d like to see?”

“Not really.”

“Come on, Adam, you must have some preferences.”

I recoiled a little as my shyness was getting the upper hand, and I was afraid I would become mute.  I gathered all my resolve and told Devon, “How about the new batman movie, “The Dark Knight.”  It’s supposed to be very good.”

Devon smiled and I knew it was for me.  “Yes, that’s what I’ve heard.  Heath Ledger is supposed to give a remarkable performance as the Joker.  Too bad about his premature death; it’s such a waste of talent.”

“I don’t know much about him.  He was in another movie about cowboys that was well received .  But I didn’t see it because I was away at school,” I told Devon.  I hoped he wouldn’t ask any question about my ‘school’.

“You must mean “Brokeback Mountain”; yes it was a great movie.  It was about two cowboys who fall in love, but who have to go their separate ways.  Well, they meet from time to time and make love, but it doesn’t last.  Finally Ennis sends Jack a postcard which is returned with ‘Deceased’ stamped on it.  He goes to find out what happened to Jack.  Jack’s ex-wife tells Ennis that he got killed when a tire exploded.  We discover, however, that Jack died as a result of gay bashing.  At the end of the film, Ennis is able to reconcile Jack’s death, and his own acceptance of his daughter’s marriage as a good thing, even though his own had been hell.  Not a happy movie.”

I didn’t answer immediately because I was a little confused about what the film was actually about.  So after a beat or two, I asked, “Was this a story of two gay guys?”

“Well, yes and no.  It was a love story that ends badly for the two lovers.  As a result of their love for each other and the impossibility of their being together, their lives were ruined.  I guess ‘reined’ is a strong word; perhaps drastically changed would be better.  I guess the movie shows that sometimes even though people love each other, the world keeps them apart.”

I was silent for a long time.  I hadn’t even thought about that.  I just thought that if you fell in love with someone, that you could be happy and have a fulfilled life.  I had been stupid.  I should have known better after being at the Colony, after what my early life with my aunt had been.  Now, suddenly, I wondered if I could ever let myself fall in love with anyone for fear of the terrible hurt that would result if I lost that person. 

“I hope life doesn’t treat me that way.  When I fall in love, I want it to last, for my whole life.”

“I hope so.  That’s the way I want it, too.”

“Devon, do you have anyone in mind, some girl, perhaps, that you could see yourself spending the rest of  your life with?”

“No girl, but who knows what might happen.  There’s one possibility.”

“Really?  Maybe sometime you could introduce me?”  My heart was now close to breaking as I considered that Devon had someone in his life he was in love with.  My fantasies were being blown apart.

“Believe me, Adam, you’ll be the first to know.”

*****

Gary had not slept well on Friday night, not even after having made love.  He slipped quietly out of bed and went to the bathroom and relieved himself, washed his face with cold water, brushed his teeth and brushed his hair.  He was quiet when he entered bedroom again.  Jim as lying on his back, the sheet pulled up to his waist.  Even from this distance, Jim was a handsome, no, a beautiful, man.  For a while, Gary just watched Jim whose muscular chest rose and fell as he breathed.

Gary walked to the bed and looked down at his lover, at the one person in the world he knew he would do anything he was called upon to do.  He would leave, certain that it would nearly kill him, but if it meant that Jim could continue with his priesthood, his good works, then it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.  As he starred down at Jim, an errant tear slowly made its way down his cheek, and finally fell landing on Jim’s lips.

Jim was awakening, his tongue licked the tear away and into his mouth.  He opened his eyes and looked up at Gary.

“This is the way I want to wake up the rest of my earthly life.”

“Sounds good to me.  How about a Gary’ Superduper Omelet for breakfast.  And if you’re a good boy, I’ll serve you in bed.”

Jim sat up in bed and looked directly into Gary’s eyes.  He reached up and took Gary’s hand.  “What’s the matter, Gary?  There are tears in your eyes.  That’s not like you.”

Gary shook his head, sort of brushing off Jim’s question.  He mumbled, “It’s nothing for you to worry your handsome head about.”

“Gary, I love you.  Of course it’s something for me to worry about.  Now, please tell me.”

Gary bent his head, and for a short moment or two, avoided looking Jim in the eyes.  Then in a voice filled with agony, he blurted out, “God!  God!  God!  I don’t know it I can do it?  I  don’t want to leave you, Jim, but I have to leave.”  Jim sat in total wonderment, then pulled Gary to his chest and held him.

“What are you talking about, Gary.  You can’t leave me; I won’t let you.  For God’s sake, I love you.  Please, what’s the matter.”  Jim took Gary’s head and held it so that he could kiss his lover with gentleness and passion.

“Jim, I have to leave.  I don’t want to be the cause of your leaving the church, of your giving up your priesthood.  I can’t.  I just can’t.”

Jim was angry, “You shut the fuck up.  Understand?  We settled this shit last night.  You’re not going anywhere, not without me.  If there are bigoted bastards that don’t want me around here, then I’ll go somewhere else, but not without you.  I couldn’t live without you, Gary; don’t you understand that?  Please, please, don’t do this to me again.  Just love me, Gary, just love me.”

They were in each other’s arms and their lovemaking became filled with passion and a deep need.  Soon their naked bodies were entwined and Gary was deep in Jim, showing his lover that he did love him, that he would stay, and that he would never bring up leaving again.

To be continued...

*****

“The measure of love is to love without measure"

Feedback always welcome:     

Thanks to Peter for his intelligent and sensitive editing along with his insightful suggestions which add much to the story.  I also want to thank Alex for agreeing to translate from English to German, thereby assuring the best translation possible.
 

Posted: 10/31/08