A Marine Called Jason
(Revised)
by: Peter

(© 2007-2015 by the Author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 89
Brotherly Concern 

I was reading the paper, when Kyle came into the living room one evening.

“Well, are you boys ready for high school?” I asked.

“I am but Devon’s scared about it.”

“He’ll get past that.”

“Dad, I need to talk to you about something.”

He sounded tentative, almost timid, which was very unlike him.  He usually just blurted things out.  I put the paper down and pulled my feet off the ottoman, motioning for Kyle to sit down.

“I’ve been about to burst with this, Dad.  I can’t deal with it on my own, and you’re the only one I can talk to.’

“You look really worried, Son; what is it?” I asked.

“It’s about Devon.  You can’t mention that I talked to you. Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Not even to Jason, ‘cause I’m breaking a promise to Devon, talking to you.”

“All right,” I said.

“Promise again, because I know how tight you and Jason are.”

“My promise is my promise, Kyle,” I said. “But before you say anything, are you sure you don’t want to think about this?  If you made a promise to your brother….if he’s in serious trouble……”

“He’s not in trouble, but it is serious.”

“All right, it sounds like you have thought it through.  So what’s up with your brother?”

“There’s a lot up with Devon.  Biggest thing is, he thinks he’s gay. I think he’s bi, but he thinks he’s gay, but I don’t know the whole difference.”

I hoped I showed no reaction, just a steady look.  I didn’t want to register alarm, or reveal that I already knew about Devon’s concerns about his sexuality and so did Jason.

“What makes him think that?” I asked calmly.

Kyle went on to explain what Devon had told him, and added, “I told him he’s probably bi, ‘cause he still thinks about girls in that way too.  I told him it didn’t matter to me either way, and it wouldn’t matter to Jason either, or you.”

“No, it wouldn’t matter one bit,” I said.  “But, Kyle, I don’t know what I can do or say.  You made me promise.”

“Yeah, that was dumb, wasn’t it,” he said.  “I would like for you to talk to him.  Better yet, I wish he would talk to Jason.”

“If you release me from my promise, maybe I can work something out,” I said.

“You’re released.  But I wanta tell Devon first that I talked to you, that I broke my promise to him.”

“All right.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“I’m proud of you, Son, for being a brother to him.”

“That’s nothing to be proud over, he is my brother. But that’s another thing.  He doesn’t think we are real brothers.  He doesn’t think you and Jason are our real fathers.”

I scowled, surprised. “Where is that coming from all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know, but I do know he’s been thinking about our moms being prostitutes.  Or our mom.  He wants to believe we had the same mom ‘cause that’d make us real brothers.  I told him I am his real brother, no matter what, and if he don’t stop thinking like that, I’m gonna kick his ass.”

“Ohhh,” I lamented. “We do need to talk.  You tell him as soon as you can that you’ve talked to me, so we can get this straightened out.”

“Don’t say anything to Jason yet, till I talk to Devon,” he said.

“Jason isn’t home yet.  He said he was going to pick up feed for the horses on the way home from work.”

Kyle barely had time to get back upstairs when I heard Devon.

“You told!   Damnit, Kyle, you promised!”

After that I heard only murmured tones.  I heard Jason drive up and went out to meet him. I waited till he backed the pickup into the stable and we started unloading the bags of feed.  He saw the concern on my face and asked what was the matter.

“We have a bit of a crisis.”

“What now?”

“There’s apparently been some talk about their mothers being prostitutes, and them not being real brothers, and us not being their real fathers.”

He shrugged, nonplussed.  “I’m surprised it hasn’t come up before now. What’s the crisis?”

“The gay thing has reared its ugly head again.”

“Oh.”

“Well, Kyle came to talk to me after promising Devon that he wouldn’t say anything.  They’re in the process of working through that right now.  Then I think it’s time for a family talk.”

“Yes, it would be good to get it out of the way before they enter high school.”

I smiled.

“What?” he asked.

“I love the way you handle these things.  I told you, you would be a great dad.”

“I think the jury stays out on that permanently,” he said.  

“Close up here, I’ll get you a beer,” I said.

When Kyle and Devon came downstairs, Jason and I were sitting at the kitchen table having a beer.  Devon had a tight, angry scowl on his face.

“Can we have a beer?” Kyle asked.

“You can split one,” Jason said, much to my surprise.

Kyle got a beer out of the refrigerator then motioned to a chair for Devon to sit down.  He set the beer in front of him and took the other chair.  Devon pushed the beer away. 

Kyle pushed it back.  "You first," he said but Devon pushed it away again.

“Brad says we’ve got something we need to talk about,” Jason began. He looked at Kyle then at Devon who had suddenly picked up the beer and was chugging. Jason reached over and took it.  “Splitting a beer means fifty-fifty,” he said, and handed it to Kyle.

I got up and got another beer and set it on the table.  “Here, you can split another one.”

Kyle sipped the beer he had, eyeing his brother over the top of the bottle.

“You do the talking, you started it,” Devon said in a surly tone.

“If I did, it’s only because I care about you and I’m concerned about you.”

“Not enough to keep your mouth shut,” Devon said sullenly.

“Let’s back up.  Tell me how this all got started,” Jason said calmly. “I don’t like to see you boys at odds with each other.”

"He broke a promise," Devon said.  "You've always told us a man's word is his bond.  That means a promise, too.  Well, Kyle's word's no good."

"I'm sorry, Devon, but I had to talk to somebody.  I'm a kid, same age as you, I didn't know how to deal with it."

"There was nothing for you to deal with!" Devon said raising his voice. "All I expected you to do was listen.  And maybe understand."

"I do understand, and I listened but…… "

"This isn't getting us anywhere," I said.  “Kyle, you said you listened, how about you telling us what this is all about."

"Yeah, you already blabbed, might as well tell everything you know," Devon said, still in his surly tone.

There was a moment of tight-lipped hesitation before Kyle finally spoke.

“Well, we were talking about starting high school, and were we going to play sports.  I said I was, but Devon said he wasn’t going to.”

Jason frowned.  “Why not, you’re a great athlete.”

Kyle looked at Devon as we waited for his answer and when it wasn’t forthcoming, Kyle answered for him.

“Because of what he thinks is his sexual orientation, and he doesn’t think he can handle it, being around the other jocks.”

“Because I’m gay.  Call it like it is,” Devon growled.

I glanced across the table at Jason, and in that look, I didn’t think we knew which one of us should or would handle it. I hesitated, hoping he would pick up the ball.  He stood up and pushed his chair back. “Trade me chairs,” he said to Kyle.

Kyle jumped up and Jason sat down right around the corner from Devon.  Kyle took Jason’s chair.

“We had this conversation a while back, didn’t we, Son?” he said, laying his big hand over Devon’s.

“Not exactly this one,” Devon said quietly.

“What’s different?” Jason asked.

“I didn’t know then.  Now I do.”

“You don’t know now," Kyle said. "You don’t know if you’re gay or bi.”

I put up a hand to quiet him.

“I know the feelings I’ve got….the thoughts I have,” Devon said.  “Even thoughts about my own brother.”

“If that was for shock effect, Devon, it didn’t work,” Jason said calmly.  He squeezed Devon’s hand.  “Thoughts and feelings don’t make you anything but a boy wrestling with his curiosity.  Even if something like that happened it wouldn’t mean you’re gay. It’d make you two brothers messing around, experimenting with sex.  It makes you normal teenage boys.  Look, I don’t want you putting a label on yourself.  You are who you are….not what you are…who you are.  Being gay is not a disease. And there are certain things that have not changed, and won’t. You are still my son, and it doesn’t make any difference one way or the other about your sexual preference.  I love you now and always, no matter what.  Is that clear?"

"I guess so," he replied timidly.

"No guessing, you know it."

“I know it don’t make any difference, not to any of you, that I'm gay, but I’m still the one who has to deal with it with other people, and I don’t know how I’m gonna do that, even without playing sports.  I just wish I didn’t have to go to school.  I just wish I could die!”  He pulled his hand back from his dad’s hand and laid his head in his folded arms and began to sob.

Kyle was the first to react. He stood up, shoving his chair back so hard it fell over with a loud clatter.  He left it and went around the table. He wrapped his arms around his brother and physically turned his chair around as he knelt down in front of him.  I could see that he was starting to cry too.  Jason made a move to rise from his chair but then looked at me and sat back down. I think we both realized that this moment belonged to the boys, as brothers.

“Don’t say that, Devon! Don’t you ever say that again!  I told you I don’t care if you’re gay or bi or whatever, I love you, Brother, and I couldn’t live without you. So if you ever decide you’re gonna kill yourself, you tell me ‘cause I’m going with you. We’re brothers, dammit, even in death.”  He barely got his last words out, they were both crying so hard.”

Jason and I sat with tears rolling down our faces, neither of us knowing what to do or say. As much as I knew we both wanted to reach out, this was between brothers.  After a couple of minutes Kyle swiped his nose with his forearm and went on.

“And you don’t need to worry about school, or playing sports.  I want you to play baseball, and football ‘cause I want you on the same team as me.  And I want you to be on the swimming team. I can’t do that ‘cause I’m not as good a swimmer as you.  Nobody’s gonna know anything about this, Devon, and if anybody ever gets any ideas about it, if anybody says anything, they’ll have to deal with me. I’ll take care of it. I promise, nobody’s ever gonna hurt you Devon.  Nobody. Not ever.”  By that time he was crying his heart out again; the two boys holding each other and crying together.

Jason and I were wiping our own tears.  Jason got up and wet a cloth and handed it to Kyle.  Kyle pressed the cool cloth to Devon’s face as they moved away from each other.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Devon replied, nodding, still choking down the sobs. He made a swipe of eyes with his forearm and another swipe of his nose with his other arm.  Kyle pressed the cloth to his eyes.

“I’m sorry I caused you this trouble,” Kyle said.

“You didn’t cause me any trouble, you just brought it out in the open,” Devon said.

"But I broke my word, now my word's no good to you," Kyle said.

"Yes it is.  I was mad at first but you broke it for me.  You did what you thought you needed to do, and I'm glad you did.  So your word’s still good.”

Still kneeling in front of his brother, Kyle looked up at Jason, then at me.  “You knew all along.”

“Yes. But it wasn’t our place to say anything,” I said.   

“You could’ve told me too, before now,” Kyle said to Devon, sounding a bit hurt.

“You’re older now, better able to understand,” Jason put in quietly.

Kyle turned back to Devon. “And I won’t laugh at any more fag jokes, or tell any,” he said.

Devon managed to laugh.  “No, you tell your fag jokes and we’ll both laugh at them,” he said.  “If you stop telling or laughing at fag jokes somebody might get suspicious.”

We all managed to laugh, and Kyle stood up.

“I don’t know how we deserved you two guys,” Jason said.

“I don’t think we’re anything anybody deserves,” Kyle said.

“Yeah, it’s more like we’re a pain in the ass,” said Devon.

We managed to laugh again and it felt good.

“Well, there is one thing for certain,” Jason said. “We don’t need to have this conversation again, because Kyle pretty much said it all.”

“There is something else,” I said.  The boys looked at me.  “Whether Jason and I are your real dads, whether you’re real brothers.  And about your mothers. It’s time to try to unravel this puzzle for you.  One of you--I don’t know which one--was brought to the orphanage by a woman in a red dress.”  I knew that all along but I had intended to let that piece of the puzzle go missing.  “There was a bar in Saigon where Jason and I used to go, called the Dragonfly.  A lot of women who worked there wore red dresses that made them stand out for American GIs.” 

“Prostitutes, you mean,” Devon said.

“Yes.  Ling was a prostitute.  Jason and I both knew Ling. But there were a lot of American GIs who went to the bars with their dates; women who were not prostitutes, and a lot of those women got pregnant. It boils down to this; we don’t know for certain who your mother was,” I said, looking at Devon.  “Or yours, Kyle.  It may well have been Ling who dropped one of you off at the orphanage, but she did not take you both there.  The math doesn’t add up to support that.”

They were both looking at me with blank stares and I realized I might be talking over their heads, or maybe it just wasn’t soaking in.

“Okay, here’s the math, and the truth of it” I said.  “Jason and I both had sex with Ling within a short period of time.  If she was pregnant with one of you….by Jason….she could not have gotten pregnant by me.  Do you understand?”

It soaked in for Kyle first.  “Yeah, if she was already pregnant, she couldn’t get pregnant again. And the short period of time was within the nine months.”

I could see Devon understood too.

“We don’t know for certain whether Jason and I are your real dads, or if you are real brothers.”

“It boils down to this,” Jason said emphatically, slapping his big hand in the middle of the table.  “None of it matters.  It’s what we believe that matters. As long as you believe I’m your dad, as long as you believe he’s your dad, that’s all that matters.”

“It has to matter that you believe I’m your son,” Devon said.

Jason got up and went around behind Devon’s chair. He put his hands around the boy’s neck and pretended to choke him.  “Listen you little shit, if I ever hear you questioning that again I’ll take you back in the woods and whup your ass.”  Then he pulled him up out of the chair and pulled him into a tight hug.  Kyle came around to give me a hard hug.  The matter was settled.

When the boys had gone back up to bed, Jason and I went out on the porch. 

“Do you think we should’ve told them about us?” I asked.

“No, they’ve got all they need to deal with right now, without dealing with us,” he said.

“Have you ever thought it odd that you ended up with the bi or gay son, and I got the straight one?”

He gave me a funny look.  “No, it never entered my mind.” Then he laughed.  “But they probably got them mixed up in the adoption process,” he joked.

To be continued...  

Posted: 04/10/15 rp