A Marine Called Jason
(Revised)
by: Peter

(© 2007-2015 by the Author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 35
Preparing to Leave 

I woke up first and lay on my side with the morning sun coming in the window, watching Toby sleep.  Last night seemed so far away, in another time.  I knew it was Toby I had spent the night with, and it was a game we had played, but in my mind--the memory of it--it would always be real, one last time. I didn’t think Jason would mind that.  Rather, I wanted to think that he would be flattered that I wanted to relive what we had together.

Toby snorted and made a swipe at a fly that landed on his nose and I laughed. He heard me and opened his eyes.

“Fuck, did we survive last night?”

“I did, barely,” I said.

He reached down and lifted his cock up off his balls.  “I guess I did too,” he joked.

“How can you be so sure, it’s not hard,” I said.

He looked at his watch.  “Do you want to make sure it’s still working?” he asked.

“If you’ve got time,” I said.

“I know you said last night you wanted me just the way I was, but I really need a shower now, first,” he said.

I laid my hand on his stomach, instantly rock hard as his abs flexed with the motion of him about to get up.

“Does the plumbing still work?” I asked.

“It’s touch and go,” he replied.  “There’s usually a trickle of water.”

I followed him to the shower and sat on the stool to watch. He turned on the water and waited but it never did get hot and he stepped under the shower anyway.

“Toby… .thanks for last night,” I said as I watched him soap up.

“Hey, don’t thank me.  Geezusss, you know what I got out of it.”

“You know what I mean,” I said. “It was pretty goddamned real; so real it got scary.”

“I tried.  You even called me Jason,” he said.

“I know.  You were Jason.  My Godd, you were so much like him.”

“Now that is a major compliment,” he said, smiling.

 “It was wonderful. You made it so real, walking in wearing full combat gear. I’ll never forget it.”

“I’m glad you’ve got something to take back with you, and hang onto,” he said. “Hey, do you want to join me?” he asked.

“I thought you would never ask,” I said.

Toby washed me and I returned the favor. I was down on my knees washing his thighs and his butt and up between his legs.  When I got to his manhood, he was fluffed out nicely. As the water rinsed the soap off I took his cock in my mouth and let the water gush into my mouth from his cock.  I closed my lips and started to suck him but he cupped his hands under my arms and brought me to my feet. He pulled me in under the shower spray and kissed me, not so much with passion, as the night before, but more with raw lust.

“I know last night’s over; this time is for us.  You and me.  Let’s go in on the bed,” he said.

This was in the light of day. It was just Toby and me, with no pretending. It was just unbridled sex that ended with our simultaneous climaxes blowing into each other’s mouths.  When we were finished, Toby turned around so we were lying side by side and we caught our breath before he got up and got dressed.

Leaving the hotel, I headed for the Swiss Embassy.  I took a cab but told the driver not to wait for me. We had passed familiar places on the way, and I decided I would walk back. I was treated well by the officials but they weren’t as friendly as I expected the Swiss would be to a US citizen. I didn’t understand the problem, only that Jase’s visa could not be ready till the next day. I wasn’t particularly upset. I could easily pass the time back here in my second home.  Or was it my first?  Since I had come back, I was foggy on that.

Leaving the embassy, I retraced the route I had come by taxi, past the small church where I had prayed for Jason’s safe return and cursed God and His saints when he died. I was a little surprised it was still there, considering the new Godless regime that was now in power. I went inside, cautiously, and looked around. There was still the haze from the dozens of candles burning, the walls and ceilings even more blackened from the smoke. I slipped into a back pew and knelt down, and crossed myself. I knelt there, not praying, but gazing at the grotto up front where I had prayed to the saint, and later cursed him, and let my thoughts ramble into memories. Thinking back to last night, it did not seem so very long ago. As the memories came back, I felt a pressure in my chest that grew so great that my chest began to hurt. Suddenly, I choked on a sob that I didn’t know was there until it came out, wracking my shoulders. I had forgotten, or buried, how very much I missed him… how much I loved him… and last night, for all its wonderful emotions, hadn’t erased that hurt.  I didn’t try to fight it. I let it go. It was a calm cry, with tears streaming gently down my face. I wasn’t ashamed. I let them come till the mend in my heart was shattered again.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Son, can I be of any help?” a kind voice asked as the person knelt beside me. Without looking around I could see that it was a priest, and I wondered if it was the same one who had tried to comfort me so many years before. If it were, I would not recognize him, for I didn’t remember what he looked like; only that he would be older. When I didn’t answer the priest, he removed his hand and said, “Perhaps you want to be alone; I understand.”

“I’m all right, Father,” I said quickly, before he could leave, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.  I turned and looked at him for the first time and he did look familiar, but only because I willed it, I think.  “I just came back to face some ghosts from my past. I think I was surprised to find them still here.”

“You are not the first to return to face the demons that haunt you. Some come, not even sure what they’re looking for.”

“Not demons, Father, not the demons of regret,” I said. “Just ghosts.  Friendly ghosts, I suppose, except they still cause such pain.”

“I’m a patient listener, if that will help,” he offered.

“I once told a priest right here in this same pew that he would not want to hear what I had to say. He surprised me. He listened, and even understood.”

“But it wasn’t laid to rest,” the priest said.

“It won’t ever be laid to rest, Father,” I said. “I had it buried, but coming back here….well, it all came back; or I brought it with me.”

“Did you leave a girl behind, perhaps?” he ventured to guess. “That is often the reason men return, but they seldom find them..”

“No,” I said.  Then I blurted it out, without shame.  “No, not a girl, Father.  A man.  I was in love with a Navy SEAL,” I said, bold and calm as you please.  “He was killed,” I added. “I’ve come to take his son back to the States.” I was surprised at the priest’s reaction.  He barely blinked.

“I am sorry,” he said, with emotion.

“No condemnation, Father? No offer to help cleanse my soul from the sin of loving another man?”

“I believe your soul is cleansing itself, and it is not up to me to condemn love, whatever form it takes,” he said. “Such love among soldiers in time of war isn’t all that rare.”

“That’s a pretty broad minded view for a priest, isn’t it, Father?”

“I have learned to be broad-minded. And for those who don’t understand, well, they were never here,” he said.

“Were you here fifteen years ago, Father?” I asked. “I doubt it; you look too young.”

“Yes, I was. I had just been ordained. But I wasn’t in Saigon,” he said. “You mentioned his son….he did not love you in return, then, if he turned to women. He was not of your persuasion.”

“He was, and he wasn’t,” I said. “He returned my love, in spades, and he gave me his love in his own, very powerful way. But no, he wasn’t of my persuasion, as you put it. Maybe that’s partly why I loved him so damned much.”  I found myself half wishing it were the young soldier there to comfort me; he was the greater comfort back then, both spiritually and physically.

I looked long and hard down the aisle, to the grotto of the saint.  “I came here once, very angry with God. I think I even cursed the saints I had prayed to. I thought God and all His saints were angry with me because it was another man that I loved. I thought that was the reason they let him die, to take him away from me.”

“God’s anger, or not, isn’t for you or I to guess,” he said.

“But He let him die,” I said.

“No. Your buddy died,” he said.

“But I prayed that he would be all right.”

“Was that the first time a prayer went unanswered? Or the last?” he asked.

“No, not the first.  But it was the last, because I stopped praying,” I said.

“You’re taking his son back with you. To raise?” he asked.

“Yes. I’m going to try.”

“Then you’d better start praying again; you’re going to need all the help you can get,” he said.

Just then a young girl came running into the church.

“Father, you must come quickly!” she whispered loudly.

“What?” he asked, over his shoulder.

“You must come!” she said again, with more urgency.

He turned back to me with his hand squeezing my shoulder.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help,” he said

“You’ve helped a lot, Father. You are a patient listener.”

He stood. “I will pray for you, and for the boy.”

“Does that mean I won’t have to, Father?” I asked with a grin.

He smiled and waved as he left the church. I sat in the pew for a long time, letting my thoughts ramble, letting old memories come back to life, until it became too painful, and I had to leave. I stuffed a five dollar bill in the slot and lit one of the large candles.

I took my time walking back to the orphanage, taking in the old familiarity of the city. I wondered why I missed it, why I felt so at home coming back.  It was a terrible place; a terrible time before, but it was the best time of my life.

A group of the younger boys were gathered around Sister Marie in the courtyard; she was apparently conducting a class. They jumped and came running to meet me when they saw me. I was sorry I had not thought to stop and buy something for them.  I admonished them gently and told them they should go back to Sister Marie. I asked if Jason was there.

“He’s in his room, waiting for you,” she said.  “Have you any news from the embassy?”

“His visa won’t be ready till tomorrow,” I said.

“He is worried. He is so frightened that he might not get to go with you,” she said.

“I will stay until he can,” I said.  I went through the building to the rear, where Jase’s room was located near the alley.  He was lying on his cot, shirtless, staring up to the ceiling. He rose up, all smiles, when he saw me. I couldn’t help noticing the way his stomach muscles bulged and stood taut when he rose up.  The bed and a small table that served as a night stand were the only two pieces of furniture in the room; Jason scooted over to make room for me to sit on the edge of his cot.

“Your visa won’t be ready till tomorrow,” I told him.

“Then we can leave, tomorrow?” he asked eagerly.

“If the embassy can arrange our flight, yes. I don’t know, it may be the day after,” I said.  “Do you have things to pack to take with you?” I asked.

“Everything is right here,” he said, as he turned over on his stomach.  He stretched up over the head of the cot and reached under it.  He brought out a worn and tattered satchel that resembled a woman’s oversized handbag.  I was saddened that all his worldly belongings would fit into something so small. 

“If there are people you want to say goodbye to, perhaps you should do that today,” I told him. 

“I’ve said my goodbyes.  There aren’t that many,” he said. He laughed, a sarcastic laugh.  “Most people I know will be glad to see me leave.”

“That’s probably because you got into so much trouble,” I joked, trying to make light of it. “I still have a few places I need to go,” I said.

“I understand….from the war….that’s okay, I know you will come back,” he said. 

“Of course I’ll come back. You weren’t worried about that, were you?” I asked.

He shrugged, trying to force a smile. I suddenly realized that he had been worried.  I tried to reassure him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back.  In fact, if it’s all right, I’ll take you up on that offer to stay here in your room tonight.”  It came out almost without thinking, for I had planned to spend the night at the Trent, perhaps again with Toby or Ryan. But it was suddenly more important that I be with Jase and leave the other behind.

“Yes, it’s still all right,” he said happily.

“It may be late,” I said, suddenly wanting to still work Toby or Ryan in if I could.

“It doesn’t matter how late,” he said.

To be continued...  

Posted: 02/27/15 rp