A Marine Called Jason
(Revised)
by: Peter

(© 2007-2015 by the Author)
 

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 31
Return to Toby’s 

My first destination was Toby’s, if it was still there. I walked past the market place to the park. There was nothing changed there except for the trees that had grown to sprawl over the area like umbrellas. I found the bench where I had sat so many times to sort things out. I sat down and found myself looking across the wide street at Toby’s. Yeah, it was still there, looking none the worse for wear, and it still bore the name. It was hard to say how Toby, as a former American GI, might have weathered the fall of Saigon. I sat for a long time under the sprawling tree, somehow afraid to cross the street and go inside. Toby’s name on the outside didn’t mean Toby would be on the inside. Hell, he was a former American GI, anything could’ve happened to him. I didn’t want to go in and find somebody else running the place.  Who was I kidding?  I didn’t want to go in and not find Jason.

Of course, I went. I had to. Walking across the street, I felt like I was crossing a minefield, like at any moment, with the next step, everything could blow up in my face. It was a dream, after all, that I was even here. I pushed the door open slowly and went inside, hoping but only half expecting to see anything familiar. As my eyes slowly grew accustomed to the dim light, I saw a lot familiar. Hell, it looked like the same tables and chairs were all in the same places. The only thing that was different was the lack of young, boisterous American GIs. That, and it wasn’t Toby behind the bar.  My heart sank when I saw the younger guy polishing glasses and wiping off the bar. He was strikingly handsome, and well-built, with dark, close-cropped hair, dark snappy eyes and a very prominent, totally-American square jaw. He looked like a GI, but of course there were no longer any American GIs in Vietnam except those who had stayed behind rather than go back to the States, and he was too young to be one of those. He was great eye candy but he wasn’t Toby.

I walked up to the bar and ordered a beer.  That in itself was unfamiliar to me; Toby always had my beer sitting on the bar by the time I took a stool. The handsome young man took my money and I looked around, beer in hand. It was a gut-wrenching, painful moment of stark reality. He wasn’t there and the stabbing pain in my gut told me I shouldn’t have been looking for him; because he wouldn’t be coming through the door either.  Not this time; not ever again. The place was all too painfully familiar, except that the few people in the place were mostly Vietnamese.  Someone came in and instinctively, I glanced at the door and in those seconds when my heart was in my throat I had the hope that it would be Jason. I looked away and downed half of my beer.

“You’re American,” the handsome bartender said.

“Yes.” I glanced over my shoulder. “Not many of us here I see.”

“You and Ransom, over there in the corner,” he said, nodding to a dark corner of the bar. “There’ll be more Americans later tonight.”

I finally worked up the courage to ask if Toby was there.

“He’s not in today,” he said in a voice that made my toes curl, his voice was that sexy. I felt a great sense of relief that Toby was even still around, but tried not to show it.

“Where can I find him?” I asked.

“You can’t find Toby unless he wants to be found,” the guy said smartly.

“Okay, let’s cut the smart shit,” I said with a friendly smile.  “I’ve traveled all the way from the States to see Toby. So I would like for you to tell me where he is, or tell him I’m here.”

“Oh. You knew Toby before,” he said, taken aback by my little outburst.

“Yeah. I asked for him, didn’t I?”

“In that case, yes, sir, I can call him,” he said, with a sudden change in his demeanor.

He made a phone call and told me Toby would be there in about a half hour. I took a table at the dark corner of the front window and nursed a couple of beers while I waited. My head was doing a slow spin, trying to conjure up all the images of times past but all it was doing was confusing me, and hurting me.  I kept looking out on the street for GIs and kids following them, and other signs of American presence and it saddened me that none of it was there.  For a few fleeting moments I let my mind dwell on the possibility of staying in Vietnam.  Then finally I saw him, coming across the street from the park, wearing old jeans and a tank-top, both of which revealed what I remembered of his great body. He still had it. He had aged well, if hardly at all, except around the eyes. When he came in I didn’t make myself known and he walked past my table and went behind the bar. I didn’t know how he could’ve missed me except for the very dim lighting, and he wasn’t paying any attention, or expecting me. I saw the kid point me out. Toby looked in my direction with a scowl; probably couldn’t make me out in the dim light. He came around from behind the bar and walked toward me, and suddenly broke out in a big smile when he recognized me.

“Son-of-a-bitch! They don’t give a damn who they let in this country now,” he said.

I stood up and was pulled into a tight bear hug, which I returned with gusto. Godd, he felt good. Solid as ever. I could feel his muscles rippling beneath his clothes and I remembered those muscles rippling and bearing down on me the night we spent together before I left.  I started to choke up as everything rushed back from that memory.  He waved to the guy at the bar to bring us two beers then sat down.

“So how the fuck have you been?” he asked, as casually as if I’d just come back off leave.

“I’m doing okay,” I said, swiping at a tear that had escaped. “I wasn’t sure you would be here, though, after the fall of Saigon.”

“Ho Chi Minh City now,” he corrected me.

“Fuck Ho Chi Minh,” I said. “It’ll always be Saigon to me.”

“To most of us. But you have to be careful about things like that,” he said. “So what brings you back? Besides all the ghosts.”

“One ghost in particular,” I said. 

He nodded. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could’ve changed the way things worked out,” he said.

“Yeah, me too.  But the more I wished, the more it hurt, so I stopped wishing,” I said. “But it’s not that ghost. Well, it is, but it isn’t.  I’m here to pick up Jason’s son and take him back with me.”

Toby’s mouth dropped and he set his beer down, I think before he dropped it.

“His son!”

“Yes, I got a letter after I arrived back in the States, from the sister at the orphanage, telling me about the boy.  Along with a note from the boy himself.” I shrugged and looked down at the table and my hands wrapped around my beer. “I know what you’re thinking,” I said as I looked back up.  “But I didn’t have much choice, did I?”

“That was how many years ago? How old is he?”

“He’s around seventeen I think.”

“Well, son-of-a-bitch! The guy sure knows how to leave a legacy,” he said. “How do you feel about it? Obviously, you’re okay with it, you’re here to get the kid and take him back.”

“What else could I do?” I took a quick sip of beer to wash down the emotions that were welling up inside me.  “He’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to Jason,” I said, biting my lip.

“Are you going to adopt him?” Toby asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just want to get him back to the States.”

“That's where he belongs, not here in this cesspool.  Have you seen him yet?”

“No. I went to the orphanage but he was off on an errand,” I said.  “Actually, I don’t think the good sister knows where he is. I get the impression he’s been a bit of a problem for her.”

“Teens is not a good age for boys over here, especially boys of American descent,” Toby said.

“I don’t think I like what you’re implying,” I said. “Although Sister Marie implied the same thing.”

“Like it or not,” he said with a shrug.  “I’m not saying that’s what’s going on, but they’re not too highly thought of, except for one thing. They pretty much treat them like garbage.”

“What about the daughters of GIs?” I asked.

“Oh, they’re all into prostitution, or the lucky ones are living in the homes of high-ranking officials.  A few escaped, but probably to fare no better. Just be glad you came when you did to get that boy out of here.”

“It’s going to be a few more days,” I said. “Apparently the paperwork isn’t in order. The Swiss Embassy was supposed to notify Sister Marie of my arrival. I have to go to there tomorrow and see if I can get that straightened out.”

“Shit, I wish I’d known, I could’ve taken him under my wing,” Toby said.

“You could’ve kept him in line, that’s for sure,” I said. “Hey, I was worried when I walked in and saw the kid behind the bar,” I said.

“That’s Ryan.”

“Ryan.” I paused.  “The name….and the way you say it…. says more than just Ryan,” I said.

Toby smiled and shrugged.  “What can I say? A guy’s gotta settle down sometime,” he said.

“No shit!”

“Yeah, it’s kind of like that,” he said, smiling. “His father worked at the American Embassy. He wanted to stay back when his dad was evacuated. I couldn’t turn him down.”

“I don’t blame you. I couldn’t have turned him down either,” I said. “But how? I mean, the North wasn’t all that sympathetic toward us GIs, or Americans in general. And his father surely didn’t approve of him staying back.”

“Money,” he said, rubbing his fingers together. “And no, his father didn’t approve.  He was taking him back but the kid ran off at the last minute. I paid a guy to look after this place and took the kid and we went into Thailand till things quieted down. I’m still paying to keep the place open. It’s like the fuckin’ Mafia over here.”

Toby and I talked while Ryan kept us in beer, but Toby never introduced us. I wondered if he wanted to keep some distance between me and the kid. Finally, I asked him about it.

“Look, Toby, the kid’s a knock-out, so I know it’s not because you’re ashamed of him.  So how come you haven’t introduced us?”

“I was saving it,” he said with a grin.  “You think he’s hot, huh?”

“Shit, he’s a stud.”

“Yes, he is that,” he assured me. 

“What the hell are you saving the introductions for?”

He waved Ryan over. “Ryan, this is Brad Courter. He was a regular back when, during the war.  Brad, this is Ryan, my partner.”

We shook hands. Even his hands were sexy.  I wanted to ask what kind of partner, business or otherwise, but I didn’t. It wasn’t any of my business, and if Toby wanted me to know the details, he would tell me.  I finished the beer in front of me.

“Look, I really need to get back to the orphanage. They’re going to wonder what happened to me,” I said.

“You’re coming back,” Toby said. “We’ve just barely scraped the surface in getting cau

ght up.”

“Hell, yes. We need to pull an all-nighter,” I said.

“Where are you staying?” Toby asked.

“I don’t have a place yet, but I was thinking I would get a room at the Trent if it’s still in business.”  I couldn’t help a tight-lipped smile.

Toby dropped his head with a sad look but a smile.  “It’s still there, but not exactly in business.”

“What’s that mean, not exactly in business?” I asked.

“I bought it a couple of years ago. Whoever had it after the war ended wasn’t making a go of it.  Just not enough American GIs wanting rooms after the fall. I paid ten times what it was worth.  But it was going to be condemned and I just couldn’t let it go under the wrecking ball. I’ve kept up minimum repairs, just to keep it open, but it’s pretty much the same inside.  I’m letting a guy live there to look after the place.”

“So it is open,” I said.

“The doors are open, but business isn’t exactly flourishing,” he said.  “Let’s just say you don’t need reservations.  It’s mostly guys like yourself, who come back for one reason or other and knew the place before.”

“Could I get a room?” I asked.

“You can have your pick,” Toby said laughing. “But you can stay here,” he offered.

“Wouldn’t that be inconvenient?” I asked with a cocky smile.

“Not at all,” he said. “There’s room. Any room you want. Mine, his, or both.”

I reared back in a double-take.  “This is not the same Toby I remember,” I said with a knowing grin.

“A lot of me would not be the same Toby you remember,” he said.  “And Ryan is a tiger in bed.”

“You don’t need to, uh….ask him about inviting overnight guests?”

“I pretty much know by now, what kind of overnight guests Ryan likes.”

“Fuck, it’s tempting, but….well, it was sort of a dream of mine. After I knew I was coming back, I wanted to go back to the Trent, if it was still standing,” I said.

“I understand, but either way, we need to get together before you go back, for old times sake. If you want to, that is.”

“Yes, I very much want to,” I said. “Hell, man, you’re all there is left of the place,” I said, quickly choking down a surge of emotion.

Toby took a business card out of his pocket and handed it to me.

“Give this to Ralph at the hotel. It’ll get you a room. He can’t climb the stairs, so don’t expect room service.”  

“Do I pay Ralph, or should I pay you now?” I asked.

“You don’t pay anybody,” he said.

“That could be the reason business isn’t flourishing,” I said as I dug into my pocket for money.

“If you bring money out of that pocket, I’m gonna have to break your arm,” he said.

I knew he meant it and I didn’t argue with him. I brought my hand out of my pocket and showed him it was empty. When he thought I was about to get up he reached over and put his hand firmly on mine. 

“I can’t tell you how fuckin’ glad I am to see you back,” he said, and it was his turn choke it down.

But I knew there was something more than being glad to see me that was causing his emotions to well up.…something he hadn’t said.

“There’s one more thing,” he said, pulling his hand back as he stood up. “I’ve got something for you; wait here.”

I waited with a sense of mystery and a lot of apprehension. I knew in my gut that it had to do with Jason, and I could feel myself getting all tied up in knots and my breath coming hard. He came back from upstairs with an oversized envelope that had been opened.  He sat down and laid the envelope on the table but kept his hand on it.

“You never wrote and for some reason we never exchanged addresses so I couldn’t send this to you,” he began.  “Somehow, miraculously, it survived the plane crash. It wasn’t addressed to anyone so it got bogged down in the military mail system.  I’m surprised they didn’t shit can it, but my name is mentioned in it and my place is pretty well known, sort of a landmark, so some compassionate soul delivered it to me. One of them has been opened, I suppose trying to determine who it should go to,” he said as he pushed the envelope across the table to me.

“My Godd!” I breathed as I made a swipe at the tears welling up in my eyes.  I looked into Toby’s eyes. 

“What’s the matter? You don’t even know what’s in them,” he said.

“No….no, but….for a minute, while you were talking, I was thinking that maybe you were going to tell me he was alive; that he had somehow survived the crash.”

“Brad….No, man,” he said in a pained voice, with a confused look.

“I know,” I said, quickly waving him off.  “I know. Hell, I took him back. I buried him.  But it just came over me when you mentioned the crash, like a ghost, my head playing tricks on me.” I fingered one of the envelopes, the one that’d been opened and taped shut.

“I never read ‘em, except the one, and then only enough to know who it was to and from, then I taped it shut,” Toby said. “I taped the other one shut, too, never read any of it.”

“You’ve kept them all these years,” I said, rather absently.

“Something, a gut feeling, told me you would end up back here someday. If I wasn’t around, Ryan knew to give them to you.”

“Thanks, Toby,” I said looking down at my hand, trembling with the envelopes.  “Look, I think I need to be alone with this. I don’t know what’s in these letters, but I’m pretty damned certain I’m not going to handle it well.”

“Sure, I understand. Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

“Toby, if I was going to do anything stupid, I would’ve done it a long time ago,” I said. On my way out I laid some money on the bar for my beer but Ryan pushed it back at me.

“Take it,” I said.

“Yeah, right, and get fired?” he said and picked the money up and put it in my hand. I stuffed it in my pocket.

To be continued...  

Posted: 02/27/15 rp