Love is Blind
By: Nick Brady
(© 2019 by the author)

The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...

Chapter 4
Exploration

Ian was relaxed and sleepy, and his breathing told me he was asleep. Soon I joined him, enjoying our closeness as we slept in a warm embrace.

The morning sun woke me up and I slowly turned and ran my hand over Ian's shoulder. “Good morning, sleepy head. Would you like some breakfast?”

Ian rolled over onto his back and stretched. “I think so. I can't believe I slept so soundly.”

“There's no hurry. You can sleep a little longer if you would like.”

Ian sighed, “I need to pee.”

“Me too. I guess that has to happen before we can think about breakfast,” I laughed.

We crawled out of the tent, I pointed us towards the trees and we relieved our straining bladders. I quickly pulled on my jeans and sweatshirt then left him to dress while I attended to the breakfast fire.

In a few minutes, he emerged from the tent with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "Can I help?" he asked.

“There was enough wood left over from last night to get a little fire going again. “Sit down and get warm while I scrounge up some more deadwood.” I soon had a decent cooking fire and started some bacon frying while I unwrapped half a dozen eggs and some shredded cheese. “How does an omelet sound?”

“It sounds great and the bacon smells wonderful!” Ian was smiling.

When the bacon was crisp I laid it on some paper towels and threw the eggs and a handful of cheese into the skillet then stirred them with a fork. “It won't be long. I didn't bring a coffee pot so I guess we'll have to wash this down with water,” I apologized.

“Too bad we drank all the beer last night,” Ian chuckled.

“We had three each. That's about my limit. I'll bring coffee next time.”

Ian smiled. “I hope there's a next time. This is really great.”

I handed him a paper plate of bacon and cheesy eggs along with several slices of bread. “It's no gourmet meal, but it will fill our bellies.” He ate it all with no complaints and obviously enjoyed it.

I looked at him while he ate. He was brave, resourceful and a very beautiful young man. I wondered if he shared my feeling of affection. I wasn't sure how he felt but figured he would tell me when he wanted me to know.

After we finished our breakfast, I began to clean up and Ian was content to sit and be quiet. I poured some water in the skillet and scoured it out with a handful of dry grass, then tossed the paper plates on the remains of the fire and they soon burst into flame. I joined Ian under the blanket where we sat, full and contented.

“That was a nice breakfast,” Ian said. “I guess you learned that in Scouts.”

I put my arm over his shoulder, he wrapped his around my waist and leaned into me. “Have you had a nice time?” I asked.

Ian hugged me gently. “I think this is the nicest weekend I've ever had,” he said softly. “Thank you, Andrew.”

It was a tender moment and I tried to think of what to say. Finally, I said simply, "It's fine with me if we're best friends. I like you a lot, Ian."

To my surprise, Ian turned and kissed me on the cheek, leaned away, wrapped his arms around his knees and was silent.

I had known I was gay since I was in my early teens. I had never found anyone I thought I was in love with, but had played with several of my friends as I suppose most boys do. Some of them I liked, but I never felt about any of them the way I felt about Ian. I decided at that moment that his friendship was sufficient.

We sat in front of our little fire for several minutes still wrapped inside the blanket. Our shoulders were touching but we were no longer holding each other.

Ian sat up and stretched his back. “Are we in a hurry? I think I'd like to lie down for a few minutes.” When he stood and folded the blanket over his arm, I walked him to our tent and we slipped back into the sleeping bag. It was unexpected.

We lay still for a little while as I wondered what I should do. Ian decided for me. “Will you hold me again?” he asked quietly and turned toward me.

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close. We had our clothes on now, and I hoped the effect on me was not obvious. I waited.

“This is nice,” he said. “I don't ever remember being held like this.”

“Never? Someone held you when you were little.”

“Not that I remember. It's nice to be held.”

I waited some more. “I like holding you, Ian. I really like you a lot.” It was all I dared to say.

“Is it OK for us to do this?” he asked. “Maybe I shouldn't ask you to hold me. Maybe that doesn't sound right.”

“It's fine with me,” I sighed. “I like holding you.”

He gently rubbed his hands over my back. “You're strong,” he said.

Taking that as encouragement, I ran my hands over his back, over his arms and shoulders. “You're a beautiful guy,” I whispered.

"Oh. That's nice," he sighed and held me a little closer.

“I kissed him on the cheek and stroked his back. “You're very special,” I said with a catch in my voice. “I've never known anybody like you – never felt this way about anybody else.”

Ian sighed again and I pushed his shoulder to turn him onto his back, then put my hand on his chest, down over his stomach then up under his shirt to feel his bare chest. He relaxed and let me slowly massage his chest and stomach, his near arm under my neck. I did this for several minutes and he seemed to enjoy it, but when I tried to slip my hand down the front of his pants he stiffened and grabbed my hand. “Don't do that, please!”

I took my hand away and moved back. “I'm sorry. I thought you'd like that. I would.”

“It scares me. I don't think I want to do that.”

“I guess I misunderstood,” I said. “I thought you wanted to play.”

Ian still had his arm around my shoulder and now he tightened his embrace. “I like it when you hold me. I like you, Andrew, I really do. But it makes me feel afraid when you touch me like that. Can you understand?”

I pulled him close to me. “I understand. I'm sorry if I offended you. We're alike in some ways and very different in others. I know you're not like me.”

Now Ian rubbed his hands over my back. “You didn't offend me, it just makes me feel afraid. Maybe we're more alike than you think, but I've never done anything before.”

“Never done what?”

“I've never played like this. Never ever with anybody, at least not on purpose.”

“I'm not sure what you're saying.”

Ian sighed. “I think I was about twelve and had just started wrestling. There was this older boy on the team. He stopped me in the dressing room after most of the other boys had left and told me that I needed a jock strap and he was going to measure me. I didn't have a clue what was going on until he slid his hand down the front of my pants and felt all over me. It scared me.”

“Did he hurt you?”

"It didn't hurt, but it frightened me. In a way, it felt nice and he got a reaction out of me, but when I realized what he was doing it made me feel ashamed."

“Why ashamed? He was the one who was messing with you. You didn't ask him to do that.”

"I know, but I didn't tell him to stop. He was a lot bigger than me. Remember I told you that we had some religious volunteers? They made sure to tell us that it was nasty to do things like that. It was confusing, Andrew."

“I can imagine. Did you tell anybody?”

“No! I figured if I told on him he would beat me up or something. Besides, I didn't want anybody to know about it. I've never told anybody except you.”

“So, what did you do?”

“I don't guess I did anything, except think about it a lot.”

“What did you think? I mean, how did it make you feel?”

“How did I feel? I guess I was angry. He tricked me. He didn't ask for permission. It frightened me and made me feel dirty.”

“Did it bother you a lot?”

Ian sighed. "I think the thing that bothered me was that when I thought about it, it excited me. When I was in bed at night, I would think about what happened and and that would make me feel guilty. I almost wished he would do it again. Well, maybe not him. Maybe someone nicer. It was very confusing."

“I think I understand. So, when I touched you it brought back all those bad memories. It's like I was that guy.”

Ian paused. “You're nicer than him.”

“I thought that over. “So is the thing with the older boy, is that it? That's the only experience you ever had?”

“Yeah, that's right,” Ian whispered. “That's it.”

I didn't know what else to say, so I said, “I'm sorry.”

Ian took my hand and held it to his chest. “That's how I feel right now – both scared and excited.”

I let my hand rub slowly over his shirt. He didn't resist. “I'm not sure what you want me to do. I don't want to hurt you, Ian, but I think I'm falling in love with you.”

After a minute, Ian turned towards me and put his arms around me. “I know. Me too, but I'm scared.”

I kissed his neck and hugged him tight. “Don't do anything you aren't ready to do. I'm not going anywhere.”

Ian tipped his head to one side to allow my lips to nestle in the crook of his neck. “I like that,” he whispered. Then he ran his hand up the back of my shirt. “I don't feel so scared now.” I could feel his heart pounding against me.

I held him for a bit longer. “I'm getting kind of hot. Do you mind if I took off my shirt?” I asked.

"It's too hot in this bag with all our clothes on," he agreed and rolled over onto his back.

I unbuttoned my shirt and slipped it off, then put my hand on his chest. He pulled my hand up to the top button of his shirt and whispered, “You could help me.”

I opened his shirt, one button at a time. When it fell open he raised up to remove it and tossed it aside and pulled him to me so that our bare chests were pressed together. “Oh!” he sighed. “That feels so nice.” Our hearts were both pounding.

I knew what I wanted to do but didn't want to frighten him again, so this time, I asked permission. “Can I touch you?”

Ian answered by scooting his hips back to give me access to him. I pressed my palm against his zipper and found him full against my hand. I moved my hand from side to side and he shivered. “Oh!” he sighed again.

After a minute of this, Ian unbuttoned the top of his pants and whispered, “I think I'm ready now. Please be careful.”

My hand shook as I unfastened his zipper and reached inside. The top of his shorts was damp. I slowly rolled him from side to side, then squeezed gently.

“Is that OK?” I asked.

"Oh, yes!" he whispered and pushed his face against my chest.

I reached inside to hold him in my hand and found that he was intact. That excited me even more. I impulsively unzipped myself and pushed my jeans and shorts down past my hips. “Touch me, Ian.”

When he laid his hand against me I could feel him trembling. His fingers looked me over and he made a gasping sound. “You're different.”

“How am I different?”

“Your... you don't have skin.”

I realized what he meant. "I was circumcised when I was a baby.”

“I've read about that. Did it hurt?”

“Probably,” I chuckled. “I don't remember.”

“You're a little bigger than me,” he observed, checking out all my equipment.

“Not by much. You're just fine.”

He continued his gentle examination. “I'm not the first, am I? I mean, you know?”

“No,” I admitted. “I guess not.”

“You're the only one I've ever seen, touched, whatever. Besides myself.”

“Are you OK with this?” I asked cautiously.

“Yes,” he whispered. “I've thought about doing this - wondered what you were like, but never thought it would really happen. I didn't think you'd like it.”

“I like it a lot,” I assured him.

Ian hesitated. “I want to know what you're like. I mean, all over. Is that alright?”

“Sure. Anything you like,” I said, rolled over on my back and pushed my pants down to my ankles. “Look me over.”

Ian touched my cheek then ran his hands over my chest, down across my stomach and over my hips. He felt between my legs, then touched my thighs, knees and down to where my jeans were bunched over my shoes and back again. Inspecting all of me, seeing me for the first time through his touch.

He lay back. “You're very beautiful,” he said. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“Not at all,” I swallowed, and asked, “Is it alright if I look at all of you?”

Ian did not reply, but raised his hips to slide his clothes down to his shoe tops and took my hand to place it on his chest. I very gently examined him as he had me, feeling him shiver under my touch.

When at last I came to his center, I pressed down with the palm of my hand. His breath caught as he stiffened and ejaculated into the palm of my hand. “Oh! Oh! I'm sorry” he gasped.

“Don't be sorry. I wanted to give you pleasure,” I assured him.

“That was so fast. I made a mess.”

“Some things are naturally messy,” I laughed. “Don't worry about it.”

“I've never done that before. I mean, not with someone else.”

“Is this really the first time you've ever done anything with another guy?”

“With anybody. The guy who checked me for a jock strap didn't count, and I didn't... you know?”

I picked up a towel and gently wiped him clean, kissing him on the belly when I finished.

“That was amazing,” Ian sighed. “I should do something for you.”

“You don't have to. I'm fine.”

“Is it OK if I do? I really want to.” Ian politely insisted.

I lay back with my hands behind my head to gave him full access. By now I was incredibly aroused. He sat cross-legged at my side and lightly touch me from head to shin, examining every part of me until he found my center. He gripped me firmly and fondled the furry parts with one hand while he stroked me with the other in the time-honored way. He leaned over and sniffed me, then went back to work. Within a minute, I exploded with a grunt.

“Did I hurt you?” Ian asked anxiously.

“No! That was intense, simply amazing!” I laughed with relief. “Now it's me who's made a mess.”

Ian sat up and ran his fingers through the puddle on my stomach, brought it to his nose. “Yours smells just like mine,” he giggled. “I guess we are the same.”

He took the towel and wiped me just as I had done for him, then set it to the side and placed his hands on my stomach. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

His tenderness touched me. I pulled at his arms. “Lie down on me,” I whispered,

Ian stretched out on the length of me and I pulled the bag to cover us. “I love you, Ian,” I whispered.

He hesitated, then whispered back, “Me too. I love you, Andrew. I never thought I could say that, but it feels right. Oh! I'm so happy!” he sighed.

I took his face in my hands and kissed his cheek, then his lips. He melted against me and we kissed for real, a long gentle kiss, and then an embrace. “I'm happy too,” I breathed into his ear.

We lay like that for a long time, then Ian rolled away and lay on his back. He took a deep breath then let it out slowly. “I'm not afraid.”

“What?”

“I'm not afraid. This wasn't scary at all. It was really nice.”

“This is the way it's supposed to be,” I said. “This was right.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “It sure seemed right. I always wondered how it would be. This was better than I imagined.”

I turned and laid my face on his shoulder, running my hand across his head, tousling his hair. “There are more things we can do,” I suggested.

“I know. I guess we have that to look forward to, but I think that's about all the wonderful I can stand for one day,” Ian chuckled.

Finally, I sat up and started folding the blankets. “We better get this stuff put away if we want time to do anything else before we have to get back. Maybe we can take another walk.”

Ian got out of the sleeping bag and helped me roll it up. We put everything in the car then folded up the tent, rolling it to fit back into the stuff bag. We put everything into the trunk of my car and were almost finished. I threw water on the remains of the campfire and stirred the coals until all that remained was a steaming puddle. I tried to explain what I was doing as Ian stood by quietly.

“You learned a lot in the Boy Scouts.”

“I guess it was like what you learned in your school,” I said. “They tried to teach us life skills.”

“Yes, different skills for different lives.”

“I suppose. We're alike in most ways,” I said.

“In the ways that count.” Ian laughed.

He took my arm and we went for a last walk through the woods. There would be other times.

To be continued...

Posted: 01/15/2021