Lying in bed that night and talking very quietly, Will said, “I thought you handled the situation tonight extremely well.  You softened the blow with your casual tone, you didn’t apologize for being gay but stated it as a fact, and you emphasized your love and appreciation for your parents.”

“Thanks,” Billy replied.  “I didn’t know what to expect but momma’s reaction was a sight more acceptin’ than I thought it’d be.  And daddy didn’t fly off the handle like I thought he would.  He’s angry, for sure, but I’m hopin’ he’ll get over it.”

“You’re right, Billy.  When we’re hit with news like that, it’s a shock to the system and — in your father’s case — a blow to his masculine ego.  But I’ve witnessed the love within your family and I’m confident he’ll come around.  Just give him some time to absorb the news.”

“I reckon we’s gonna hafta be careful whilst we’s here.  Just like on the Brighton, watchin’ what we say and do.  Can’t let the li’l ones suspect nothin’.  They’s still gonna wonder, though, if’n Daddy gets all moody ‘n’ such.”

Quite surprisingly to Billy and Will the subject of their homosexuality was never mentioned during the two days they visited.  Mrs. Simpson was very much like she always was: attentive to her children’s behavior, diligent in housekeeping, and not cheerful but cordial.  Mr. Simpson, however, could only be described as sullen and aloof.  He spoke to his wife and the younger children but seldom said anything to Billy except to grunt a terse answer to a question.  He ignored Will completely, which was markedly different than his gregarious hospitality during the first visit after Basic Training.

When they were alone, Billy remarked to Will, “Don’t it bother ya none that Daddy don’t say nothin’ to ya?”

“Maybe a little,” Will replied.  “But not because I feel neglected or shunned.  What bothers me is his displeasure.  He’s hurting inside over the news.  I’m pretty sure, though, that he’ll get over it in his own time.  He’s a loving husband and father.  I saw that quite clearly in our first visit.  I’m quite sure that he still loves you and will continue to love you.  He may never fully accept me into the family but that’s no different than a lot of parents who don’t care for their son-in-law or daughter-in-law.  I guess what I’m saying is: be patient.  Considering everything, how your parents reacted to the news was the best we could hope for ... and it will get better.”

“It gnaws at me,” Billy mused.  “I feel guilty.  Not for bein’ gay nor lovin’ y’all but ‘cause I disappointed ‘em.”

“It could be much worse, Billy.  You don’t do drugs.  You’re not in jail.  You don’t even rebel by talking back to them.  No.  You love them and they know it.  That’s the most important thing for them ... and for you ... to remember.”

<><><><><> 

A year later, the two lovers had settled into an apartment in Ann Arbor, Michigan.  The choice of where to make their home was not difficult.  It was a vibrant city of 100,000 people in 1970, the home of the University of Michigan, and a mere forty-three miles from Billy’s family in Detroit —sufficient reasons to promise a desirable place to live.  Also influential in their decision was that it was a bastion of liberal thinking and in 1974 elected a mayor, the first openly homosexual person in the country to be elected to public office.  It seemed, therefore, that they would encounter a minimum of discrimination and persecution for being gay.

Billy soon found work in a small construction company.   Will took a job in a social service agency that didn’t pay much but satisfied his desire to help unfortunate people whose circumstances precluded their achievement of the “American Dream.”

Visits to Billy’s family in Detroit were frequent and, over time, his father softened his objections to his son’s ‘chosen lifestyle’.  There were, however, a few emotionally awkward moments.  The most distressing was when the family visited Billy and Will in Ann Arbor and the younger children innocently asked why there was only one bedroom in the apartment.  The explanation, “It’s all we can afford,” satisfied the youngest of the children but Billy’s oldest brother Luke, now sixteen years old and more aware of alternate forms of sexuality, harbored suspicions that grew stronger as he carefully watched the interactions between his big brother and his ‘roommate’.  The opportunity to confirm those suspicions came when Billy and Luke went to the store for a few groceries.  Driving back to the apartment Billy was thoroughly enjoying the camaraderie with his favorite brother when, Luke bluntly asked, “Yur more than friends with Will ain’t ya?

“We’s friends.  Buddies, ya might say,” Billy replied while wondering what his little brother might be thinking.

“Yeah.  Buddies that sleep in the same bed,” Luke said with a tinge of sarcasm.

“We got a deal on a used double bed,” Billy said perhaps too emphatically.  “’Sides, we done shared a bed when we was kids.  Same thing.  Ya do whatcha gotta do.”

“Yeah.  And we played with each other’s willies once or twice.  But now yur all growed up.  Mighty convenient-like for ya both, ain’t it?”

“Whatcha mean?  Whatcha tryin’ t’ say?”

“Just seems a mite strange,” Luke said.  “Like as if yur shackin’ up with Will instead of a chick.”

Billy didn’t respond immediately.  It was abundantly clear that Luke suspected (or knew!) the true nature of the relationship.  Billy’s quick mind weighed his options.  He could play the caution card and deny that he and Will were gay lovers.  Or he could courageously come out to his little brother.  Right or wrong, he made a choice.  He pulled the car off the road and stopped.  Turning to Luke, he said, “Yur almost a man now.  Ya can handle the truth.  I love Will and he loves me.  Just the same as mommy and daddy love each other.  Only we’s two men in love.  I ain’t never had no feelin’s for girls and neither has he.  We’s gay, Luke.  Ya can call me queer and hate me for it or ya can see that me ‘n’ Will is happy together and be happy for us.  What is it?  How do ya feel about havin’ a homosexual brother?”

Luke was surprised at the candid revelation and more so at the earnest conviction in his big brother’s tone.  After a long pause during which Billy worried about his brother’s reaction, Luke said, “I’m cool with that.  But mommy and daddy’s gonna be pissed.”

A wave of relief swept over Billy.  “They know.  We done told them soon as we got outta the Navy.  Momma didn’t like it but accepted it.  Daddy was furious.  He still don’t approve but durin’ the past year he seems t’ be more understandin’.  ‘Course the little ones don’t know.  They’s too young to be worryin’ ‘bout stuff like that.”

Luke was lost in thought for a few moments and then surprised Billy by asking, “What’s it like ... makin’ love to ‘nother guy?”

“LUKE!” Billy exclaimed.  “There’s some things that ya don’t never talk ‘bout!  Even to family!  Like what goes on in bed.  All I’m gonna say is that there’s sex just for fun and there’s sex to show a body how much ya loves ‘im.  Stay away from the first kind, Luke.  It ain’t no good.  Wait ‘till ya really loves a girl.  Better yet, wait ‘till ya get married.”

Luke flashed a wicked grin and said, “Ya ain’t married but yur havin’ sex.”

Billy recognized his little brother was joking and replied, “Only ‘cause it ain’t legal for two men to marry.  But believe me when I say the sex we have is the second kind, the better kind, the kind that is based on true love.”

Getting serious, Luke said, “I don’t understand why yur in love with a guy ... but as long as ya don’t like girls I ‘spose Will is the best guy ya could ever have.”

“Ya got that right!” Billy grinned.

<><><><><> 

While Billy’s relations with his family were improving, Will’s dealings with his family were in a steady decline.  His letters to his parents were never answered.  He assumed that his father was thoroughly displeased with the humdrum life he had chosen but he was particularly disappointed that his mother never bothered to write.  He didn’t know whether it was for lack of caring or submission to her husband’s domination.  He was surprised, therefore, when a short letter from his sister arrived.

Dear Will,

I don’t know what’s going on between you and Dad.  He refuses to talk about it.  In fact, he rarely mentions your name.   Mom seems frightened to talk about you when he’s around but she has confided in me that she’s distraught over losing touch with you.  She’s read at least some of your letters and knows you’re well and apparently happy but she’s a mother and is almost in mourning over the loss of her son.  If it’s at all possible, I think you should plan on paying a visit.  I can’t predict how Dad will react but I’m certain that Mom will be overjoyed.  Please let me know if you can come and (Dare I say it so bluntly?) ease her pain.

Love,

Carolyn

Will’s astonishment at his mother’s feelings could not be overstated.  Except for when he was a very little boy, she seemed to have little interest in his life.  Her only concern and the majority of her time was socializing with the “best” people or serving on the elite boards of selected charities.  The latter was not out of concern for those in need but to gild her reputation as an “upstanding” citizen of the community.  It was an enigma that he couldn’t resolve.  He decided to tap into Billy’s deep well of good sense.

“What should I do?” Will asked after Billy had read the letter.

Billy thought for a while before saying, “Don’t rightly know, Will.  ‘Cept I’ve always said ya oughta hold tight to yur family.  Since yur askin’ for my opinion, I’ll give it to ya.  I know ya got a beef with yur father but ... I’m just guessing now ... ya might be able to patch things up with ‘im.  It’s worth a try.  And yur mother seems t’ be pinin’ for ya.  I’d say ya owe it to her to visit, tell her yur okay.  Hearin’ it from yur mouth is heaps better than readin’ a letter.  And one more thing.  Tell her ya love her.  She needs to hear that.”

“But Dad will make the visit a living Hell for me with his condemnation and insults.  He can be vicious.  I’d like to see my mother and sister but I dread the constant fighting with my dad.”

“Ya got two choices.  Ya can stay here.  Ignore yur mamma and sister and avoid a fight.  Or ya can go visit.  If’n ya choose to visit ya got two more choices.  Tolerate a brief spell o’ yur daddy’s torment.  Or stand up to ‘im and tell ‘im yur a grown man now and don’t need none o’ his lectures.  Neither of them will be easy but sometimes we do what we gotta do.”

“So you think I ought to visit.  You’ve made that plain for a long time.  But — if you were in my position — would you passively endure the cruel tirades or would you counterattack?

“Don’t know I can answer that one, Will.  But it puts me in mind of a time when I was a little boy.  I mouthed off to mamma.  Daddy heard it and took me straight to the wood shed.  I knew for sure that I was gonna get a whippin’  He musta changed his mind before we got there ‘cause he sat me down and ‘splained that I was still a no-nothin’ little kid and had no right to disobey mamma.  He made me think on how it made momma feel.  Then he said somethin’ that stuck with me to this day.  He told me he was mad at what I done but he loved me.  What I learned that day is that we may not like what people do but can still love ‘em.  I know it ain’t the best example but I’m thinkin’ it might sorta fit yur situation.  It might be that yur daddy loves ya but ain’t never said so.  It might be that he’s been tryin’ to control ya so’s ya’ll turn out t’ be successful and happy.  Sure, his idea of success and happiness ain’t the same as yurs.  But ... I’m just guessing ... it ain’t his love that’s screwed up.  It’s his idea of what ya oughta be.  And the way he tries to help ya ain’t right ... talkin’ ‘bout yur mistakes instead o’ yur good points.”

“It’s not unlike your situation now, isn’t it?  Your father doesn’t like the fact that you’re gay but he still loves you.”

“’Xactly!  ‘Ceptin’ he don’t try to change me like yur daddy does to y’all.”

Will smiled broadly and said, “You’ve just demonstrated one of the things that make me love you.  You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.  Until now, I never considered that my dad loved me.  I always thought his only attitude was disappointment with me.  But you’ve made me think of the possibility — just a possibility, mind you — that his criticism is based on love ... and a hope that I’ll improve ... at least by HIS definition of improvement.”

“So!  Ya gonna visit yur momma?”

“I don’t know yet.”

To be continued...

Iatia’s inspiration and editing cannot be ignored.  Thanks, my friend.